InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Revelation, Realization & Redemption ❯ chapter 8 ( Chapter 8 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters they are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. This story was written for the purposes of entertainment and I by no means will profit from the story other than the satisfaction of exercising my imagination and writing abilities.

 

 

 

Chapter 8: Kikyo's Conquest; Kagome's Heartbreak

 

 

The night was mild and a slight breeze blew intermittently, occasionally stirring the cool night air, a quarter moon hung in the sky, casting an eerie grey light upon the land it kept its nightly vigil over. The shadows were long and deep, nocturnal creatures using the shadows to hide from predators. The sounds were not unfamiliar to the lone figure that made its way through the semi darkness, unafraid intent upon his nightly destination; to see the miko. The human that was under his protection whether she liked it or not and he would not shirk his duty for the comfort of others.

 

Sesshomaru smiled despite himself as he watched the young miko sleep. Rin and the small kitsune snuggled up close to her on either side. The taiyoukai knew that this woman was the closest thing either of the two orphans had to a mother at this time. It was she above the others that truly cared for them. Her motherly instincts made sure the group was fed and rested. He was certain that it was her trust and easy acceptance of others held and bound this misfit group together. He had experienced it firsthand and these few days of observing her at arms length had done nothing but prove what an enigma she really was. Sesshomaru's smile deepened with affection as he pondered how someone so strong and so important could be as guileless, artless and as humble as this human woman was.

 

Over the past week Sesshomaru had found himself revising many of his preconceived notions regarding humans. Somehow this girl, this seemingly insignificant human girl and the others that traveled with her managed to resurrect something he had thought long dead; his faith in human kind. Many years ago, too many too count that faith had been buried. He shook his head in silent fascination; it was Kagome more than the others made him think things he had not thought in such a long time. Too many years had passed since he had thought about her and those like her. He tried to keep himself from being drawn in, knowing that in the end she would be mortal. It was pointless to become attached to these creatures whose bodies were as fickle as their emotions.

 

But despite his misgivings Kagome fascinated him more than any other human had. She stirred something inside him that he thought had died long ago, his belief in human kind. He thought that had died with Katsume, Inuyasha's surrogate mother. Kagome reminded him of Katsume when he watched her with the young ones, but she was so much more. He thought of her midnight eyes, and the steely determination held therein when she was learning to erect the spirit shield. Her first attempts had failed, but the determination that shone in her eyes had only deepened with each failure. Sesshomaru had seen that look in the eyes of many brave warriors as they had faced formidable foes. Sadly he thought, her determination was rare, even amongst those great warriors. Too often had he seen them loose hope and give up, only to have it cost them in the end.

 

However impressive he found her determination, it was the look of triumph that had illuminated her eyes and face that truly stirred him. Beauty; he had thought he had seen it many times before. But until now he realized that he had only seen brief fleeting glimpses of it. Kagome was beautiful, not just as a human, but by any standard of any creature he had ever come into contact with. The pure joy that had radiated from her when she had succeeded was a sight to behold. Her eyes had shone with it. Her face, her very being was illuminated with her joy of triumph. Sesshomaru was certain that if the sun were to have gone out at that moment Kagome could very well have stood in its stead.

 

He thought only the very young possessed such joy before they were corrupted by the cares and worries of life and all the responsibilities that came with it. This young woman held it within her despite everything he knew she had been through; that he himself in his ignorance had put her through. Kagome had been nothing more than a tool to him then. A tool to teach his brother the lessons he needed to learn. Such arrogance he had and not for the first time since he had realized who she was and really took notice of her did he feel guilt for his actions. Once again he felt the burden of that guilt, but he refused to allow that emotion to overwhelm him and he resisted the temptation to allow the thoughts to spread.

 

Sesshomaru knew that though he may have been misguided but at the time he was fulfilling his duty the only way left for him to do so. Amber eyes lifted to his brother who lay sleeping in the treetops above where he stood. Sesshomaru sighed deeply; no matter what he was still bound to the past, bound by the honor of his word. A promise made long ago still held him and he could not change that. He would not change that.

 

The taiyoukai pushed these thoughts from his mind. Now was not the time for this. His brother was not the issue at hand. Kagome was. No amount of hand wringing and wishing things were different would undo what had happened in the past. His only option was to move forward, to teach her to be the miko that she was meant to be.

 

In the meantime he would protect her. Sesshomaru knew that now more than ever. The world depended on her to finally realize those powers that lay dormant within her. He would ensure her survival, and in turn she would ensure the world would continue to exist as it does now. He could only imagine how powerful she would ever become if she were allowed to progress. The taiyoukai doubted that myth and legend had ever conjured a human that possessed as much power as was to be found in the human that lay sleeping before him. Briefly he wondered if history would remember her for what she was, or would she fade as others had into the anonymity that was history. Forgotten only to be remembered by a handful, a story to be passed down by humans and eventually forgotten. What a sad fate he thought. But as long as he lived, and as long as those that fought alongside her could tell their tale, a part of her would always exist in this world, one small bright spot large enough to illuminate even the darkest soul.

 

Sesshomaru closed his eyes as that thought crossed his mind. He too had fallen under her spell, and he didn't really mind. The Taiyoukai knew that he must take care to keep his fascination with the miko well hidden. The monk was right about one very important point; he must take care not to give Naraku a reason to take a closer look at the young woman. Kagome was too important to risk. It was upon her shoulders that the fate of all they held dear rested. His feelings didn't matter. No one's feelings at this point did. In fact no one's would if she failed. Sesshomaru would make sure she did not. Now was not the time to think of anything other than training her to succeed and keeping her safe.

 

“Goodnight miko.” He whispered as he cloaked himself in darkness and made his way back to his stronghold making sure to keep to the shadows. He would check on the group again tomorrow. He told himself it was to inspect the spirit shield. But a part of him, a part that he refused to acknowledge existed, knew that he just had to see her, even if it was in her sleep.

 

Sesshomaru was not the only being lurking about this night. Kikyo wandered the forest, her ever faithful companions, the Shinidamachu, swirled about her like gossamer dragons protecting their queen.

 

“Inuyasha.” She whispered as she suddenly felt his aura. Intent suddenly glinted in her cold black emotionally dead eyes in the dim light of the quarter moon. The un-dead priestess changed the direction of her travel, having decided upon a new destination. She moved silently through the darkened forest carried silently by the soul stealers to her intended destination. Their eerie light added to the gloom that surrounded her very being now, making her appear nothing more than an ethereal phantom spirit, a far cry for the young woman that she had been when she had been human.

 

She saw Inuyasha sleeping peacefully perched in a tree. She noticed the young girl sleeping beneath him on the forest floor. Obsidian eyes that glittered in the pale light of the creatures that carried her revealed nothing of the hatred she harbored against the young girl. Kagome had accomplished what was supposed to have been Kikyo's task. Kagome had succeeded in `softening' Inuyasha, a transgression for which Kikyo could never forgive her.

 

Kikyo watched in resentful silence as the young woman slept with the young kitsune, and a little child she had never seen before. The youngsters clung to her in their sleep as she knew Inuyasha clung to Kagome with his heart. Kikyo longed to cry out in rage, how unfair everything was. She knew all too well that it should be her that Inuyasha clung to, her that he protected, and her that he trusted. Kikyo's love was supposed to have accomplished that. She was to have been the one that had inspired those emotions in him.

 

She knew better than anyone that reality had turned out far differently than that foolish dream she so cherished when she was alive. Instead the love she shared with Inuyasha had created the hell she had found herself tossed into. Fifty years they say she had been dead, fifty years she had been embroiled in that torment. Obsidian eyes looked once more on the sleeping hanyou. The one she once loved with all her heart; the one who had betrayed her just as surely as if he had caused those mortal wounds himself. The dead priestess was intent on making sure he spent eternity sharing it with her.

 

Redemption and forgiveness were words that she no longer cared to understand; words that had long ago lost their meaning. For her there was only the revenge and hatred that festered within her soul. They alone were the driving force behind her stay on this earthly plane. She would do so until he came willingly to her ready to share in their fate.

 

As if reading her thoughts the soul stealers carried her onto the tree limb where he half slept; Kikyo's weight had caused the branch to move slightly. Inuyasha was instantly awake at the disruption. He was alert and ready for battle until he beheld her face. Emotions rushed on him then, as they did every time he looked into her face.

 

“Kikyo.” He whispered; his voice raw with the emotions he felt was barely audible even to his own sensitive ears. Love, despair, hope and recognition echoed in the syllables of her name and reverberated in the air around them as if he had shouted her name at the top of his lungs.

 

“Inuyasha” She said her voice devoid of the feelings that had once so entranced him. Not for the first time his heart cried out in agony at seeing her this way. Every time they had met his heart grieved more and more. He felt the guilt all over again. Guilt for not trusting in her, in her love and in her feelings for him to see through the past trick Naraku had played on them.

 

His guilt as always gave birth to familiar tortured thoughts. If he had only paid attention to her lessons back then none of this would have occurred. Naraku would not have grown in strength. The jewel would never have been shattered. Kikyo would not have died as she had, they would have been together these past 50 years. They would not be here, like this. These were not new, but they had never failed to grant him many sleepless nights pondering over all that they had lost because of him. They came back in full force upon seeing the object of his heart's desire before him.

 

“Kikyo.” He said again a little louder this time. His voice was full of reverent adoration as he beheld her beautiful face. She was always so beautiful. That had not changed. For a moment he thought she would be the same as she had been. Looking at her now, in the moonlight he couldn't believe she was the creature that she had become because of him. Hoping her being here with him meant something had changed Inuyasha ventured to make a plea. “Stay with us. Help Kagome…”

 

That hope was dead almost as soon as it had been borne. The look in her cold obsidian eyes, and the sound of her cold emotionless voice stilled any notion he may have had. His nightmare was once more a reality and the dream was once more placed in that secret place in his heart where she would always be as she was.

 

“Don't speak to me of that girl you protect. I can sense that you have strong feelings her. She has succeeded where I had failed and I despise her for her success. It should have been mine. I have languished in hell because of your betrayal. I died with hatred and vengeance in my heart and now I am doomed to forever feel this way.” She spat vehemently at him. Her voice still a low whisper but its tones held a menace to them nonetheless and the words rang in his ears.

 

“I love you.” Inuyasha whispered, his voice breaking with desperate agony. The voice was Kikyo's; the face was Kikyo's but the being before him lacked Kikyo's soul. It lacked the warmth and understanding nature of the woman he had so wholly loved. It was torture to know what she had been and to see her now. He couldn't accept it. Somewhere in the depths of this being before him had to be the woman he so desperately loved. The woman he would have given anything to be with for all time.

 

Impulsively he pulled her into his arms and kissed her with all the love he felt for her; all the while hoping that the kiss would warm some part of her heart with his display of devotion. He prayed that she would be moved to feel something other than hate towards him. It hurt him to know that she had changed so drastically from the woman she had been. It tortured him that she harbored the same feelings for him that she did Naraku. She had sacrificed so much for their love. He knew in the end, he must repay her sacrifice and be with her in hell. But not before he avenged her death and finished the mission. Kagome and the others needed him now. He could not abandon them, not even for Kikyo. Part of him hoped that making the jewel whole again would make her whole again as well.

 

Kikyo pulled apart from his embrace after a moment, “You think a kiss can take away all the pain that you have caused me. Do you believe that a simple declaration of your love will sway me from my vengeance? I assure you it will not. I will not allow you to love anyone other than me. Not that girl nor shall you love any other. Your love caused my death. Our lack of faith has created the hell that I found myself in. You will join me there and it will be of my hand when you do. I will be the one to kill you and you will gladly let me do it. My face will be the last you see when you take your last breath.”

 

“I know I caused you all of this. I love you that much more because you have endured it.” Inuyasha whispered his voice full of sorrow and pity. Amber locked with obsidian searching for any emotion that might mean the return of the woman he once loved… not just this empty shell before him.

 

“Then, come with me now. Join me in hell. Be done with this life. There is no hope for any of this anyways. There is no redemption for me. I know that is what you seek. I know only vengeance and hatred now. There is no trust. There is no love for me. This is your fate as well.” The miko said as she stared into his eyes before she continued, “I know you stay for the girl that you protect. Give her up.”

 

“I don't stay for her.” Inuyasha cried, his desperation and heartache noticeable in every word, every syllable he uttered. “I stay for you. She's a part of you. She has your soul. You know that. Of course I protect her, of course I stay for her, she has the best of you. Don't you see she has your ability to love, your caring devotion to others, she has all those things. I know she's not you. She could never be you. I could never love her like I love you. I only hope that I will be able to make you whole again. I can't help but think that this all happened because there's a chance for your redemption. If there's the slightest chance for that I will find it. I will make you whole again. We will be together and everything will be like it was.”

 

“There is no redemption for those that die in anger, seeking vengeance. I have told you this already. But I will come again. Just remember Inuyasha, your soul is mine.” Obsidian eyes flashed with some emotion he did not know how to define as she paused momentarily. “More importantly your heart is mine. You can't give away what is not yours to give. I was the only one who cared about you. I was the only one who had trusted you. It was me who was betrayed. I was the one who paid the ultimate price for loving you. I will be back to take you to hell with me, and you will come willingly when I do.” As she spoke her eyes glowed with her hatred and anger.

 

“I know.” Inuyasha said sadly as he looked into her dead eyes. He had resigned himself to this. The time was drawing near when he would repay her with his life. He owed her that much. He loved her that much. If being at her side meant an eternity in hell, then so be it. He watched as the soul stealers came and lifted Kikyo away into the night sky and away from him for now.

 

On the forest floor, Kagome lay still pretending to be asleep, wishing she hadn't heard all that she just had. She felt the tell tale sting of tears behind her shut lids. She willed herself not to cry. She knew Inuyasha loved Kikyo. So hearing him confess his love to Kikyo was not a surprise, Kagome had accepted that as fact long ago. She had returned and stayed by his side knowing this this, knowing that she could not change that no more than she could change his being a hanyou. It was a part of who he was and is. She had been foolish enough to believe that she had been able to change his mind about going to hell with Kikyo though.

 

Despite her efforts she felt the sting of tears behind her eyes, their wetness on her cheek. Kagome wanted to scream out in frustration, but she didn't want Inuyasha to know she had heard him.

 

`Stop being so stupid.'. Kagome mentally scolded herself again. She shouldn't be doing this. She knew shouldn't be crying. Kagome had made the decision to stay even though she knew Inuyasha would only allow himself to love Kikyo.

 

This time was different than before. It was more than the fact that he loved Kikyo that caused the tears. It had been the revelation that he saw nothing in her but Kikyo's best qualities. He didn't see her or care for her because she was Kagome.

 

Again his voice sounded in her mind, taunting her with its earnest tones, leaving her no doubt of his sincerity. “I stay for you. She's a part of you. She has your soul. You know that. Of course I protect her, of course I stay for her, she has the best of you. Don't you see she has your ability to love, your caring devotion to others, she has all those things. I know she's not you. She could never be you.”

 

Those were the words that shattered her heart into a thousand pieces, tearing through her resolve, sending the tears flowing freely down her cheeks. Kagome was not just hurt; she was angry. She was more than just Kikyo and she would not allow him to . It had taken a while but she had come to realize that over the years. He hadn't. Her love reminded him that Kikyo had really loved him once. She wanted to die. Her heart screamed for her to return to her world, distance herself from this pain, and give up this fight it was costing too much all ready. She didn't belong here, everyone knew it. Even Sesshomaru knew she didn't belong here. Kagome wondered bitterly why she had even bothered staying as long as she had.

 

“No, I'm staying!” her mind screamed. She would not be a weak human who let her emotions carry her away. The young girl vowed to be calm and logical in the face of these emotions. There was too much at stake.

 

“It will hurt you to hear this, but I must speak plainly of the realities, there is no future for you with my brother. Not now, not in this time. I do not know what your time may bring, but you should look to the future for your heart's desire, not here in the past.” Sesshomaru's voice sounded in her head.

 

So much had happened today that it was hard to believe that it was just earlier today that Sesshomaru had spoken those very words. That earlier today she had thought him so wrong for saying such a thing. But right now all she wanted to do was run home and find comfort in the distance of 500 years and the love she knew she'd find there in the form of her family and friends. Kagome knew then that if she went home she would prove Sesshomaru right about humans letting their emotions rule them. And despite the pain she felt there was something she felt more strongly about; a single-minded stubbornness in her make-up that would not allow her to leave and let Sesshomaru be right about that.

 

Kagome vowed to push down these emotions and not let this bother her. She would be strong. She would only let her emotions give her strength. No one would know there was anything wrong. She would train, then they would be able to collect all the jewel shards and this would be over once and for all. Then she would be able to go home and live a normal life again. But that couldn't happen if she let these feelings get the better of her.

 

Having resolved to stay, she lay there awake for a long while before finally being overcome with exhaustion. Her dreams were anything but consoling. They were images born in the depths of her subconscious heart, images that reminded her of home and everything she had left behind. They taunted her with visions of things that she knew could never be.

 

 

Revised/Edited/Reposted 9/14/04

 

Author's Notes: Currently I am in the process of revising, editing and reposting this fic.  If you find any errors (ie. spelling, word misuse, plot gaps, etc.) please let me know either by email (which can be found in my bio) or by leaving a review.  All comments and help are greatly appreciated.  Special thanks to thebigW for pointing many of these out to me on the original version of this chapter. Since then there have been a revision or two on the written work. So if anyone else finds anything wrong, please do not hesitate to tell me.