InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Shivering Sands ❯ Flutter ( Chapter 15 )

A/N: Here is the next chapter. Sorry I've been so busy lately but there is more to come. Happy Reading.

 

Kagome awakened the next morning feeling the same level of queasiness she felt during the previous days. She lay still, unwilling to move unless the uneasy truce she and her body had at the present time ended and she became sick upon the floor once more.

 

`It can't be,' she thought to herself wondrously. `Its impossible. Absolutely impossible.'

 

Sesshomaru entered the room then fully dressed for the day. He simply raised his brow when he saw her lying back against the pillows listlessly. She shook her head. “Still the same,” she said as he approached her.

 

She raised her arm for him to examine the elevated blue veins and he studied it assiduously. “I'm going today, I promise.” He tilted his head in acknowledgement as he gently lowered her arm to the bed. “I will return later this evening as well. ”

 

As his hand slipped away from hers, she held onto his fingers just a bit longer, which pleased him. “Until then,” he said and then he was gone.

 

She lay there for sometime, until the feeling began to pass, thinking the thoughts that weighed in her mind heavily since the night before. “I can't be,” she whispered. She couldn't even say the word.

 

`Not after what Naraku did to me,' she thought painfully.

 

She closed her eyes slowly after the memory washed over her. “I thought I had forgotten,” she said faintly as her mind relayed images of his painful torture of her while she remained his captive.

 

His relentless assault of her internal organs had made her completely infertile according to her physician. Another bitter pill for her to swallow.

 

She and Sesshomaru had spoken of it once early on, the subject being too painful for her to consider. They had been sitting next to one another in his garden by the little pond one day when she mentioned it.

 

~~~

 

“I came out of the Feudal Era with nothing but some beautiful memories and broken dreams,” she said quietly to him. “I lost the past and the future.”

 

He tilted his head slightly but said nothing, letting her know she had his attention. “I can't have children,” she said softly. “That was Naraku's final gift to me.”

 

He was silent for some time. “This has been confirmed,” he asked quietly. “The doctors thought so. Too many scars,” she said looking at the horizon. “Internal scars. So you see,” she said, her lip trembling slightly.

 

“Yes, I do,” he said softly.

 

“Sometimes, I feel like I have nothing to look forward to.”

 

His eyes flickered. “You believe that,” he asked.

 

She couldn't even speak for the tightness in her throat restricted her.

 

He eyed one of the lotus blossoms floating upon the water. “Anytime you feel that way, I want you to come to me,” he finished quietly.

 

She laughed shakily. “Because you'll make it all better,” she said half teasingly, half somberly.

 

He turned his head toward hers. “Because you give me something to look forward to.”

 

She stared at him for a long moment, and then looked down at her lap.

 

A gentle smile grew upon her face as she twirled the small flower in her hand around her finger; all the while, her cheeks were becoming rosier by the moment. He had no idea how much his words meant to her, how they renewed her broken spirit, and gave her a feeling of purpose.

 

“Thank you,” she said softly. “That means a lot to me.”

 

*~*

 

But now, she had to wonder if that medical supposition was true.

 

As soon as she was able, she sat up somewhat upon the pillows. The queasy sensation was beginning to pass, but her uneasiness remained. It was true that she hadn't had a menstrual cycle in months but she had infrequent cycles anyway.

 

`My time of the month has always been erratic since I returned from there.'

 

She took a deep breath and rose from the bed quickly. She showered and dressed hurriedly in a long sleeved, navy top and long camel colored pants. After brushing her hair, she slipped off.

 

~*~

 

“Miss? The doctor will see you now,” the nursing assistant informed Kagome as she stopped in front of her. “Okay, thanks,” she said as she sat down.

 

“Kagome,” a young doctor said as she entered the room. “Dr. Sayuri,” she said with a smile. “What are you doing here? I thought you were back at the ER?”

 

“I'm taking over for Dr. Hitomi, I believe. He's a bit too old for practice,” Sayuri ended with a whisper. “He was mixing up patient charts forgetting people's names, things like that.” She picked up Kagome's chart. “What can I help you with?”

 

Kagome looked down at her lap for a moment. “I haven't felt well lately,” she said softly. “What's the problem?” “I've been very nauseous and light headed. I've thrown up a few times. My…he was worried that I may have come down with something.”

 

Sayuri looked at her sympathetically. “Are you pregnant,” she asked gently.

 

“No,” she shook her head. “I don't think so. I can't have children, remember?”

 

She nodded. “Yes, I remember your diagnosis. But I was also a very young med student then, following behind an ageing doctor who gave that diagnosis. I'd like to reevaluate that. I'm going to give you another test.”

 

***

 

“There's no doubt about it, Kagome. You are pregnant.”

 

Kagome stared at her blankly.

 

Sayuri pulled out the new scan. “It looks like your uterus began to heal itself somehow. Look,” she said, pointing to the recent ultrasound. “Almost all of your lesions are gone. And you have no scar tissue” Kagome simply stared at her.

 

“From what you told me, it looks like you're 2-3 months along but from what I can see, the child will be large.” She palpitated her stomach gently. “Are you going to tell him?”

 

A wild quivering began in the pit of her stomach. “I don't know how he's going to react,” she said dully as Sayuri helped her sit up.

 

“I think you should. I am going to tell you how to care for yourself and I'll see you in two weeks for your next exam.”

 

~*~

 

She walked out the office, her mind curiously empty of thought. She wandered aimlessly onto the sidewalk. She continued until she spied a bench near the park where she sat down heavily.

 

She gazed around. There were a lot of children out, seemingly more than normal to her mind.

 

She looked up as a rubber ball bumped gently against her ankle. A little boy with long black hair smiled at her before he picked it up. She stared at him for a second, she was reminded of InuYasha for some reason, in his human state. She smiled back at him faintly and he ran back to his group.

 

She looked at a woman sitting with an infant in her lap as she watched the playing children. Kagome looked down at her own lap, which seemed to have grown bigger to her for some reason.

 

`I can't believe it.'

 

`You should be happy. This is a dream come true for you, you thought you'd never have kids, ` she argued with herself.

 

`I cant,' she thought fitfully. `Because I don't know. I don't know how he's going to take it.' The tears were now welling in her eyes as she grew more panicked. Just then, the ball hit her ankle again, and the little toddler came up to her once more.

 

He picked up the ball, and then dropped it as he saw her tears. “What's wrong,” he said in a distinct little voice. She patted his head, sliding a few strands of his silky black hair between her fingers. “Nothing,” she said softly with a small smile. He smiled and ran away with the ball.

 

`What if he doesn't want this? The baby will be a hanyou,' she though sadly. `What am I going to do if he rejects him?' All of her thoughts and fears were now rising to the surface. `

 

`He wouldn't do that. He…' she paused, `he wont leave you. Go home. You have to tell him.'

 

`No. I can't,' she thought. turning and hurrying across the park.

 

~~~

 

Night began falling as Sesshomaru arrived at the shrine doorstep in no time and rapped upon the door. Sana appeared at the door, “Sesshomaru,” she said with her sweet smile. “What brings you here?”

 

“Is she here with you,” he asked with an arched brow.

 

“No,” she said surprise. “I haven't seen her all day.”

 

“Today was the day of her appointment,” he said significantly.

 

“She's been gone since ten this morning,” she asked incredulously. He nodded the affirmative. “ I returned after two p.m. However, I thought she decided to speak with you, considering.”

 

She looked up at him, her face a mask of concern for her daughter. "Then it is as we thought. She must be,” she said raising her eyes to his and fulfilling his unanswered question. “But,” she said slowly, “I think she is afraid of you and your reaction."

 

That surprised him immensely. His brow lifted delicately surprise then narrowed in thought. He was silent for two seconds. "I will find her, never fear." He turned and she looked after him for a few moments before gently closing the door.

 

~~~

 

She sat upon the large flat rocks near the little house; she was exhausted with her worry and fear. So many things were unknown, and why at this time, did she think of InuYasha?

 

`I am so hungry,' she thought, having not eaten since breakfast time, but she couldn't face anyone. 'I know there is something in the bungalow, I'm going to sleep there,' she thought.

 

She looked out on the water at the thin sliver of the moon. `So I am to be a mother,' she thought numbly. 'I thought I would be so happy when this day came.'

 

A few moments passed. She slid her hand over her stomach. `I am happy. I thought I'd never have this chance, so I am no matter,' she said with a gentle smile. Then it quickly faded.

 

`What am I going to do,' she asked herself for the thousandth time. 'I don't want him to hate me.' A tear slid down her cheek. `You would think after the past two years that I would have run out of tears.'

 

She wiped her eyes and looked out to her right. To her surprise, she saw the white-cloaked form of Sesshomaru a few feet away, his eyes unreadable. She gave a small moan and slid down the rock and attempted to walk away in the opposite direction.

 

She took a few steps, and then stopped, resigned. There was no use of running from him, he would always find her; she knew that. He said nothing as he reached her, just continued to stare down at her while she looked down and away to the side.

 

Finally he spoke. "Apparently, you think very little of me." Her face crumpled and her eyes closed. "If you think I would be angered or displeased with you in some way because you are to bear my son," he continued.

 

She finally looked up at him, tears pooling in her beautiful eyes. "I don't know what you want,” she said, her lip trembling. "For some reason, all I can remember right now is how much you hated InuYasha.”

 

A look came into his eyes and she glanced at the sand as she spoke again. “How much you hated that he was a hanyou,” she said, her gaze returning to his. “I know now that many demons keep humans as their concubines."

 

“Interesting,” he said softly. The tears now slipped out of her eyes.

 

"I don't know what I am to you. I don't know what we are. I am about to be someone's mother. I'm scared," she whispered.

 

He said nothing for some moments, turning away as her tears fell upon the sand. He looked out upon the water. "As I said, you think very little of me. It is true, I despised InuYasha, but not for the reasons you think. That was then."

 

He looked down into her eyes seriously. "Obviously, you view yourself as some play thing that I amuse myself with." She slid her arms above her chest, her hands resting on her shoulder blades as she looked down to the sand.

 

"And you somehow think that even after all of our time together, I would reject you because you now carry my pup or leave you to ridicule by others. I would have thought you knew me more." He still had not moved toward her through all this time.

 

She continued looking at the sand as another tear fell from her eyes. “I'm scared that you are as you were in the past.”

 

He slid his hand forward and lifted her chin. “Back then I never would have touched you,” he said deeply, holding her face gently in his palm. She returned his gaze; his golden eyes somehow seemed softer than they had moments before.

 

That was when she understood. She closed her eyes slowly as she slid her right hand over his hand that stroked her with the most miniscule of movements.

 

Kagome sniffed, her heart thumping wildly. She smiled slightly as she opened her eyes. "Son, huh?"

 

He raised his brow and tilted his head with slight arrogance. "Of course," he said amused.

 

She laughed softly, releasing his hand as she wiped both thumbs over the rim of her eyes to eliminate the tears that remained.

 

Yet her tears continued to fall as she quietly shook with her emotion. “I'm sorry,” she whispered as she continued to slash her eyes with her fingers, her gaze dropping to the sand.

 

“You haven't eaten,” he said in a matter of fact tone. She sniffed as she peeked at him. “How do you know,” she said with a small smile. “I can hear your distress,” he said, indicating her stomach.

 

A wave of dizziness passed over her and she closed her eyes wearily. His arm went behind her back as he steadied her. He stared down at her patiently as she looked up at him tentatively. His gaze was strangely benevolent, relaxed.

 

“Come,” he said holding her elbow. They walked the short distance to the little house and went inside. He paused as they stood in the entranceway. “Its dangerous for you, in your state, to go so long without eating. You must take better care.”

 

She looked up him and nodded solemnly. “I know. I'm sorry,” she said, feeling very contrite.

 

He nodded. “I brought something for you.” She gave him a small smile. “Okay. I'm going to change.” He tilted his head in acknowledgement.

 

She showered quickly and changed clothes quietly, grimacing slightly as a loud gurgle escaped from her stomach. She looked at her bare stomach thoughtfully before she slid on a silk nightshirt that Sesshomaru had given her.

 

She reentered the room and spied the assortment of food on the counter. She picked up a half of a sandwich and began eating it. She saw him lift his brow from the chair he was sitting in.

 

“I don't want to get sick,” she said. “You know how after you don't eat for long time, if you eat too much it will make you sick?”

 

“No.”

 

She gave a small laugh. “Well its true. After you don't eat for a long time you stop being hungry. I'll eat more later, I promise.”

 

But instead, she picked up the other half as soon as she finished the first. Then she ate the entire bowl of cherries and a bowl of miso soup.

 

She finished with a hiccup. “I guess I was hungrier than I thought,” she said, with an incredulous expression. One side of his mouth turned upward in a quick smile before he could help it.

 

She turned around and looked at his eyes for a long moment before she walked toward him.

 

Sesshomaru considered her thoughtfully as she rather skittishly fingered the rim of the chair as she went around him. He put his hand over her wrist, stopping her movement, and pulled her to the deep circular chair he was sitting in by the window. She contentedly curled up into a small ball with her head resting upon his chest.

 

They lapsed into silence for quite some time, the only sound was the distant waves, and the only movement was the action of his stroking her back with his left hand as his right lay upon her stomach.

 

Finally, she spoke. She grew slightly somber as she looked into his eyes. “You knew.” It wasn't a question.

 

He stared forward for a moment. “I remember. You were beginning to remind me very much of Izayoi,” he said quietly as his eyes returned to hers. “Her behaviors and mannerisms became very curious afterward.”

 

Kagome was silent for a long moment. “I didn't plan for this to happen,” she said, looking at him timidly, “I promise.”

 

He lifted his brow delicately. “The thought never crossed my mind,” he said quietly. “I know you,” he said, his eyes serious, “sometimes better than you know yourself.”

 

She rested her chin upon his chest, her body relaxed with relief. Her eyes were soft now with his words and comforting embrace. “I healed.”

 

She slid her arms around his back, her eyes now beginning to look dreamy. “I think a lot, even now, of that day when I told you that I couldn't have children. I was hurting. It was one of those days where I barely felt alive.”

 

“But then and every time afterward, your words gave me hope. That was before we met at the festival.” She smiled at him gently, which he returned faintly. He noticed that she was beginning to tire.

 

“After that, I was so conflicted,” she said as she looked down at his chest and back into his eyes once more. She was nearly asleep.

 

“I left home that night to think, you know,” she said in the same quiet tone, giving him her confidences. “But…I wanted to see you, I think I knew you would find me.”

 

Her lashes fluttered, gently sweeping against her face as she held back sleep for a few more moments. “I fought with my conscience, but I couldn't deny it, I had to be with you.”

 

Her lips upturned slightly before she closed her eyes as she murmured, “I still do.”

 

He was silent as she lay against him sleeping peacefully; his golden eyes were pensive as he smoothed the hair near her temple. He sat holding her for quite some time; the only sound in the room was the gentle rise and fall of her breathing.

 

He considered the slight curve in her stomach thoughtfully; the child would grow at a phenomenal rate. She would have a difficult road the next few months. He'd always felt very protective of her; now, even more so.

 

He lifted her gently and placed her upon the bed. After taking a few minutes to shower, he reentered the room and lay down beside her. She opened her eyes drowsily as she felt his arm wrap around her waist.

 

As he pulled her close and buried his nose in her nape, a faint smile lit her face and the hand that encircled her waist was covered by one of her own.