InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Sleep Paralysis ❯ The Sun Doesn't Shine Here ( Chapter 6 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

A/n: Original post- Mar. 8, 2006.

 
She felt his body move up hers, sliding across it with an unimaginable warmth that consumed her. He made her feel loved, feel safe. So safe...

She felt like she used to in the past… hopeful, fiery… Passionate. Passionate, above all.

He kissed at her neck tenderly, nipping at it. It was enough to bruise, but not enough to cause any amount of unpleasant pain. She whimpered slightly as he entered her, setting a rhythm of out slowly, and a quick thrust in. He captured her lips, once again making her solely his, as he delved inside her world and took control once more…

It was amazing, the way he…

“Kagome? Ka-go-me! Are you paying attention?” Kagome was brought out of her dream memory as Inuyasha snapped his fingers in front of her face, trying to catch her attention once more. She lifted her eyes to lock with his, watching as they flashed from a deep velvet violet to gold, and back again. She fought the urge to recoil, having seen them do it before, but each time was as unsettling as the last.

Inuyasha just wasn't the same person.

There's no way...

“Yes, yes I am…” She spoke softly, almost angrily, as she turned her gaze to stare out the window of the shop. Before her sat a cup of now lukewarm coffee, completely untouched by herself. Inuyasha sat there, somewhat disconcerted by her seeming lack of interest. But he knew better.

He knew she didn't want to talk about it, but he had no where else to go.

“All right…”

Kagome watched idly as he dipped his head low and sipped his own coffee, staring into the murky depths of his cup. Light flickered mesmerizingly across the top of it, lulling him into a false sense of calm. The hustle outside, and the quiet buzz inside did nothing to distract them from their own little world.

“…'gome… I'd never lie to you, you know that.” Kagome once more lifted her eyes to him in puzzlement, searching his own for answers. His eyes, they were overly bright with a sheen of dense emotion she could almost taste... She wanted nothing more than to smooth the worry that creased those eyebrows together away, but she refrained.

Being so close to him brought back so many old feelings, so many things she thought she had buried...

He interrupted her quiet musing by speaking again, and ripping open old wounds casually.

“I'm not lying just to get close to you again or anything.”

Somehow, I almost wish you would do something like that…

Kagome let the unbidden thought roll off her shoulders, mentally shrugging as if it were nothing. Hopeful thoughts filled her head quite often, and in the long run proved nothing more to be meaningless whimsies of a nostalgic idea.

…the idea that perhaps things could be like they once were.

Bullshit.

Never again.

She slipped her eyes closed, trying to drown out the thoughts that crowded the front of her mind insistently. As if she could keep them there by avoiding looking at him directly.

Her tongue felt thick in her mouth, swollen as she responded dryly...

“…I know.”

Inuyasha sighed and downed another gulp, averting his eyes as if in shame. As if he had come crawling back for forgiveness, for something both of them knew he couldn't really be blamed for.

You can't ever be mad at someone for running from that situation.

Ever.

That was the unspoken rule they had betwix them, an old and broken promise, and that was the way it was…

But even then, somehow, after one of them had left all those memories had still been tainted in some way… his honor had been tainted in some way…

“…okay… I'm not trying to bullshit you or anything. Ever.”

Keep playing that violin, Inuyasha. It doesn't make the pain of your loss go away.

“Well, what did you want to talk about this time?” It was their fourth meeting. And each time, he still didn't really respond. He just squirmed uncomfortably in his seat, and eventually changed the subject, not bothering to discuss what they always originally met for. It was grinding her nerves to a bitter fault, and she was trying her best not to scream at him and just tell him to go home.

I can barely handle my own problems… how could I possibly handle someone else's?

She watched the slight glaze of desperation in his eyes with weariness, wondering what she had gotten herself in to.

“Nothing, just…just to talk.”

Her thinly wrought patience snapped, and it showed.

Kagome growled and banged her fist on the table quietly, hissing at him through her teeth, “Spill it, Inuyasha.”

Inuyasha winced, grabbing nervously at her untouched cup and began to drink it since his own was finished off. Kagome sighed, plucking the cup lightly out of his hand and set it down on the table.

He reached for it slightly, as if he was afraid he was going to loose something dearly important to him. A distraction, a way to cover up those muted words he so desperately wanted to say...

Instead of returning the cup, Kagome took his hands into her own very gently, and smoothed the back of his hand over with her thumb… instantly he reacted, calming down to a quiet state enough to stop fidgeting.

He knew this was a special touch… he knew he was the only one left in the world that could coax such a caring caress from her delicate fingertips.

It soothed his fried nerves, a balm to his soul. He couldn't help but appreciate it immensely, unable to stamp down the sudden swell in his chest at her small display of affection.

“Sorry…”

Kagome released his hands quickly, almost as if he burned her even though she had initiated the contact. Inuyasha felt his heart stutter from the loss of her touch. She spoke softly, returning her eyes to the window. “It's nothing.”

She flicked her eyes towards his again, returning the gaze hesitantly. She had, because his stare was burning holes into the side of her head. She sighed deeply, grabbing the cup of coffee that she hadn't yet touched and sipped it.

She winced slightly at the bitter taste of it…

Inuyasha just humorlessly smirked, pointing at the cup, “That poor coffee is being passed around like a whore.”

Kagome froze at the comment, grimacing again, but this time… not because of the coffee.

“…Kagome? You okay?”

Kagome nodded dryly, smacking her lips slightly in distaste. Inuyasha frowned at the motion, quirking a brow in concern, “Did I say something wrong?”

Kagome lost her patience, though his concern was innocent enough.

Passed around like a whore… like me… like I am like I am like I am too weak to stop it like I can't help it when he hurts me, he hurts me so bad and I can't, I can't, I can't stop it... stop it...

Red eyes, red voice, red noise, blood everywhere, my blood everywhere...

“Cut the crap, Inuyasha! Get to the fucking point already!” she was yelling, raising her voice to a nearly desperate decible, trying to get him to leave so she could drown out these feelings, these thoughts that were ready to run her down and make her a quivering heap of nothing in some corner. The break down was coming, it was impending, and soon she would be a nothing inside and out, more than she already was, and she'd be dead inside and there was nothing she could do to stop it from happening... it was already happening, it was already occuring, she was murdering herself from the inside out and she could do nothing, nothing at all to stop what she was doing to herself and damn if Inuyasha didn't make her realize it...

The boy flinched at her cut and dry tone, glowering at her, “Fine! I was fucking trying to be pleasant, but apparently that is not needed, is it?! Should I just be a fucking asshole, then?”

It was Kagome's turn to glare, giving him a stone cold stare, “You've been trying to be `pleasant' for the past fucking week, Inuyasha. You're wasting my goddamn time, each time, you know. I take the time to come out here, and you just throw that away. And that's real considerate, isn't it?”

Again, a hurt look crossed his eyes. She felt her heart tearing apart, she was feeding it to herself because she was too scared to get close to him but so desperate to keep him there...

You're never a waste of time… never… you make it go away, make it go away, please make it stop, make it stop, I'm drowning, I can't stop it please make it stop...

“Like you fucking have so much to do, anyway! Who the fuck do you go out with? I know you Kagome. You fucking do all your homework in class, go home to stare at the ceiling in your bedroom. And you stay there until dinner, get up, eat, and go straight back to that... that hellhole to do it again!” It was Kagome's turn to feel that heart-clenching throb in her chest… not just because of his words, but because of how true they actually were…

Her silence said everything to him, told him he was right… that he had won. But instead of stopping there, he attacked yet again, the years of pain and hurt and rejection riding him higher and higher and he wanted to let her know just what the fuck she did to him,  “And you know why I know this? How I know it? Because you've done it for the past five fucking years Kagome. Five years. You're wasting your life away, and that's all there's fucking to it!”

Kagome felt a lump beginning to form in her throat.

But I refuse to cry again over you… I refuse to show you, I'm so weak I can't do this by myself, I can't handle this anymore without you, without you it's all too much...

“And how the fuck would you know, Inuyasha?! What, are you some sick pervert who stalks me?!” those words were lies, defensive, outrageous and she knew it.

He did too.

Inuyasha grabbed both sides of his inky black head in frustration, releasing them quickly and throwing his arms up in exaggerated exasperation. This was slowly spiraling out of his control and he was helpless to stop it. What else did he expect? “BECAUSE! Because, it's obvious, Kagome. You try your best to be invisible at school, I can fucking see you. Anyone who pays the slightest bit of attention can see what you do.” Kagome grinded her teeth together, “As if it's any of your fucking business anyway! What I do isn't your concern. Besides, maybe I don't want to go through what I went through with you again!”

Never again, I couldn't survive loosing you again. I couldn't.

Both present at the table fell quiet.

Kagome had just dropped a nuclear bomb on the tension, and the explosion had rocked them both senseless. Kagome's eyes stared unseeing at the table, unable to comprehend what she had just done. But she had done what she set out to do, and that was to make him go away. To just go...away...

Nostalgia wins the war.

“You know what, Kagome…?” Inuyasha drawled out slowly, quietly… he stood up animatedly, as if he was afraid he was going to snap. The taunt lines of his undefined muscles spoke volumes of his anger as they twitched and spasmed involuntarily. Kagome flinched at the visage. He turned, looking down at her with barely concealed hatred.

Hate that she would throw that in his face.

“That wasn't my fault. You pushed me away. No… no. You fucking chased me away. What was I to do? Stand there, and take the abuse? Stand there, and let you destroy me? ...Break me…? How fair is that, Kags?”

Kagome's eyes watered at the old nickname… he said it. She couldn't believe he had said it. She never thought he'd call her that ever again, and now that he did… she wanted to cry out loud.

But she couldn't answer. She couldn't even come up with a biting retort to save her soul.

She had already done all the damage she needed to.

And she was sorely sorry she had.

“…I thought so…” he spoke after a moment of thick silence, and she heard the bitter note in his tone.

She had nothing she could say.

So, she didn't.

Inuyasha shook his head wearily, looking absolutely exhausted, as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. The movement was stiff, and Kagome watched in senseless disbelief as he did he.

He's so done with me. He's so done. What did I do?

“This was a mistake, Kags… a huge mistake. I'm sorry for `wasting you time'… I won't bother you anymore.”

He began to turn and walk away. His black hair curtained his face, and shielded her from the undeniable agony that lingered there because of her words.

Kagome knew, right then.

She knew she had two choices.

Suck it up, or give in.

And her heart chose for her before he mind could take a jab at a decision.

Kagome's hand shot out and grabbed his own loosely, and Inuyasha looked down at her with hard and unforgiving eyes.

He was greeted by a stormy blue twilight who only could rain honestly before him. Something inside him melted at the tortured expression that she gave him, desprately pleading with him for something...

And he could only choke back his own whispered gasp at the tears that ran down her pretty cheeks, as she asked him quietly, “Please stay.”

And slowly he sat back down, silently, and realized something then.

The hurt didn't allow light in. His own hues locked with her now hazy blue ones, and he knew… the only light you could find was twilight…

The sun didn't shine in the shadows.

And that's why he never saw her clearly before that moment.

He never thought to look into her night and find what was there.

...and all that was there troubled him deeply. The only sound he heard above her muffled sobs was the own sound of his heart shattering.

And that was a light he'd never wanted to be graced with again, if only to be with her.
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