InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Sleep Paralysis ❯ Her Broken Heart ( Chapter 20 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Kagome carefully placed the pencil at the tip of her desk… it began to roll down it, and she caught it before it fell off. Smirking, she repeated the process.

Boredom, the silent killer.

She had a good twenty-five minutes left of class before lunch, the teacher had given a free period and hell… she had no one to talk to. Before now that wouldn't have bothered her, she would have been able to zone out and ignore everything around her, and it wouldn't have phased her.

But nowadays, it seemed everything was becoming harder to phase out, and reality was becoming more permanent in her mind. All thanks to three people who captured her mind and were slowly easing the years of endless suffering her heart had endured...

She was becoming weak in certain ways, but found a strange sort of strength in it she couldn't explain...

And while she felt alone, she knew for the first time in so long she wasn't alone.

She had Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku…

And she wouldn't trade them for anything.

As she was concentrating on sitting her pen upright on her desk, trying to have it maintain balance, a cold chill suddenly ran through her and she sat straight up. The hairs on the back of her neck stood, and she slowly turned around to the door of the classroom…

There, Onigumo was looking in, giving her a cold smirk and a short wave before he walked off…

Shuddering, Kagome hunched over in her desk, trying to appear small and invisible.

That guy was just too creepy… too familiar for her own good. She tried to shake off the resemblence but she couldn't still her shaking hands...

Grumbling quietly, Kagome tried to concentrate on something else… her pencil, maybe those stupid notes sprawled on her desk…

….but she found she just couldn't do it. The words blurred together and weren't so coherent, and after a moment she began to get frustrated, and ended up shoving her notes into her satchel.

Rubbing the bridge of her nose to relieve some of the tension building there, she tried to ignore the way the cold chills still ran up and down her spine… the way her fingers twitched involuntarily, to still her shuddering breath...

“Higurashi Kagome?”

Kagome's head snapped up at the sound, staring straight at the classroom door where an administrator stood. Again, she got a chill…

The day was turning out to be strange.

The past few days have been strange, come to think…

“Yes, that's me,” Kagome announced, standing to begin packing her things into her satchel. “Can you come to the office with me?” Kagome nodded, continuing. She figured she had another phone call… that was the only time they summoned her to the office.

“Yes.”

Shouldering her bag, Kagome walked through the classroom, ignoring the stares she received. She was now known as the slut, the whore, and of course we couldn't forget to mention the-- crazy bitch. She could hardly care less… this was her last year, and many of the people that stared after her as she exited the classroom she would never see again.

And that was only for the better.

As she reached the office, she dropped her bag to the ground and looked at the clerk at the front desk. The woman gestured to the phone, speaking softly to her, “A phone call on line 6 for you, Higurashi.”

Kagome nodded, lifting up the phone and pressed the button.

“Hello?”

She already knew who it was.

“Kagome?”

Her mother.

“Yes, momma, it's me.”

“Kagome, how have you been?” Kagome sighed softly, twirling the phone cord around her finger absently. She was tired… she knew that she should probably care more about what her mother was saying, or moreso, trying to say. Pay more attention to her concerns…

But she knew her mother only called for the sole reason that she wanted something, so she just couldn't find it in herself to give a damn.

“I've been okay.”

“Good. Kagome, I want you to do something for me.”

“What is that, momma?”

“Kagome, I need you to come to dinner for me tonight, to come see us…”

Kagome gaped a bit, finding herself at a loss for words.

“…b-but…”

“Don't argue. Tonight, at seven. Bring the person you're staying with too.”

Kagome bristled a bit, becoming angry for some unexplainable reason.

“Momma, I have things I have to do…”

Her mother abruptly cut her off, “Do it. Do you want me to call you off as a runaway?”

Kagome's frustration reached a new height with her mother's words… How could she?! Where does she get the nerve to tell me what the hell to do after all this time!

“Like it would matter anyway, mother! I'll be eighteen in a few months anyway…” Kagome snapped, more than ready to slam the phone down on the receiver and hang up.

“Just do it!” her mother demanded, and then the line went dead. Kagome pulled the phone away from her ear and scowled at it. She guessed she really didn't have a choice…

Placing the phone down numbly, she sighed insufferably.

Quite soon, she noticed the rude look the clerk was giving her, and Kagome glared, snapping at the woman, “What?” The woman looked offended, and told Kagome to find her way back to class.

Kagome stormed off, apprehensive about that night. She wasn't sure if she could deal with it…

...Of all things she feared the most in the world, the winner may have been her mother.




Inuyasha gripped the steering wheel firmly, his knuckles going white from the exertion… he was nervous, and agitated. He felt guilt rise up in him, and bile coat his throat. When Kagome had told him of what her mother had said, he began to feel jittery. The thought that he had kept her from her family occurred to him, and then he went silent. Kagome demanded to know what was wrong with him after the awhile, but when he offered no response to his thoughts, she clammed up and was currently staring out the passenger side window of his car.

He just… couldn't give voice to his guilt. It would hurt her. It would make her think he regretted everything, and he really didn't.

…But the thought that perhaps he was at fault for the situation ate at him...

He preferred to brood in silence.

Tilting his head, he peered at Kagome discreetly from the corner of his eye. She was leaning her forehead against the window now, staring blankly out at the rain that streaked across the pane of glass. Sighing deeply, he turned his focus back to the road… She was thinking, and he wanted to know what about, but it would be hypocritical to demand it of her when he wouldn't share his own thoughts.

He knew they had promised to be open with each other…

But the fact it might hurt her...

He couldn't do it. He couldn't be the one to make her feel rejected, to make her think he regretted her. He knew she would jump to the wrong conclusions about his turmoil, and who could blame her? She'd lost every good and safe thing in her life, and what was to stop her from thinking he was next on the list? All he could do was prove himself time and time again that no matter how hard things got, he'd be there to help her through, to keep her as safe as he was able.

Growling silently, he looked in the rearview mirror. Golden eyes glared back at him and he snorted, looking ahead again. It had become permanent, this change… For both of them. No one seemed to notice it but the two of them, and he wanted it to stay that way.

He knew he was the one in Kagome's dreams now, because of that color… how were their dreams connected? Why was she dreaming of him with white hair, and cat ears. Or were they dog ears? Inuyasha felt one eye tick at the thought Kagome might have some odd fetish, but he reminded himself he had dreamt the same things. So that explanation was safely crossed off the list with a mental sigh of relief.

He wasn't sure about the dreams though. They flowed together, and they often shared the same dream-like scenarios they had dubbed “the memories”…

After talking quietly in the late hours of night the past few days, they realized what striking similarities they had. Almost identical, it seemed…

“Inuyasha, you're gonna miss the turn!” Kagome snipped at him, and Inuyasha stiffened, turning his wheel sharply to the right and skidding a bit on the wet road.

Kagome cursed loudly, grabbing a hold of the dash board to steady herself. She seemed pale, and she threw Inuyasha a dirty stare. “What the fuck was that about?”

Inuyasha gave her a shaky look and shrugged, gripping the steering wheel if possible, even tighter. Kagome cursed once more under her breath, and rubbed the bridge of her nose. They were both quite obviously on edge, and the fact they were pulling in to the driveway of the shrine wasn't helping any.

Inuyasha pulled the key out of the ignition, and was out of the door. He was used to opening the car door for Kagome, and she often didn't mind… but this time she was already out and halfway up the driveway by the time he shut his door. She was angry all right.

At everything, I'm sure…

Scratching his head, and running his fingers through his inky locks, Inuyasha trudged up the driveway… It seemed like walking to his own execution. Kagome turned to face him, damp from the rain. He could see from where he stood the slight tremors running through her, and he knew it wasn't from being cold from the misting cold.

She waited for him at the shoji door that was the entrance to the house…

He stopped walking, for she seemed stuck there in that moment… slightly soaked, her hair plastered to her face… her sapphire eyes deep as the sea, and holding just as many secrets… her face pale and so forlorn, looking so fragile she might break…

Swallowing the thick lump that had formed in his throat, Inuyasha continued his trek up to meet her there. She looked up at him, seeming to need reassurance from him… and he was too happy to indulge.

Cupping her face, and brushing the wet locks of hair from her face, he bent down to capture her lips in a sweet and chaste kiss. She took full advantage of it, pressing her body up into his and molding against him, as if tying to seek comfort in his touch.

After a few all too short moments, Inuyasha pulled away regretfully…

…her lips are so sweet…

“Don't worry, everything will be fine… I swear, I'll take care of you,” he whispered to her, brushing his thumb over her cheek gently…

Standing up straight, he noted the way a faint blush spread over her cheeks and she nodded, turning forward and taking a deep shuddering breath…and after a long moment, she rapped on the door.

“Coming!” a muffled voice from inside called, and together the couple stood rigid there in the cold air of the weather.

After a tense minute of standing wet in the rain, the shoji door open to a woman with short brown hair and deep, soulful brown eyes.

They seemed torn and sad to look at, though the resemblance between her and Kagome was a static clear… there, but not quite. But the most uncanny part was the way their eyes seemed to be a window to their soul, yet it was blurry… as if it was frosted over, and you couldn't quite see inside.

“Kagome! You're soaked… please, come in…” Her mother ushered both the older teens inside, hurrying away to grab towels for them both.

While they stood in the hallway, Inuyasha watched the way Kagome's eyes drifted over everything as if she was drawing in everything familiar, everything hurtful…

It had been a good while since she had even stepped foot inside of her childhood home, so perhaps she was remembering…?

“My God! Inuyasha? Are you the one that's been taking care of my baby…?” Inuyasha turned his head to look at Kagome's mother, feeling his insides slowly growing tired.

Tonight is gonna be a long one.

“…yes…”

Mrs. Higurashi gasped a bit, handing the towel to both teens rather numbly as she watched the way they interacted.

Inuyasha took his own towel and began to carefully dry Kagome's hair… wiping the rain from her cheeks, and down her neck. He took such patience, such time with doing it… It made her heart clench. She felt jealous, and guilty he had such a relationship with her daughter she herself did not have the ability to boast about to others…

After drying off Kagome with such tenacity and attentiveness, he took the dry towel from Kagome's hand and dried himself, all the while flicking his eyes towards herself… they held inquisitiveness, a sort of consideration of her as if he was trying to decide what to make of her...

Mrs. Higurashi's reasons were her own…

“I have some of your old clothes here, Kagome… would you like to change, and I'll throw your clothes in to the dryer?”

Kagome nodded, tugging on Inuyasha's hand to the way of her old room.

He followed her, not really paying attention to where they went. After all, it wasn't his business to snoop around the house… not that he had any urge to. He remembered it pretty well, and from the looks of it, it had not changed one bit.

“I have some boy's clothes that should fit you, Inu… they were big on me, and I had to wear a belt.” Kagome muttered to him, speaking as if trying to fill the uncomfortable silence… Talking, just to talk. And he didn't mind. If that's what she wanted to do, he would do it for her.

“You sure?” he offered back quietly, and she nodded. As they reached her old room, she shut the door quietly behind her. It was done in a soft pink, and Inuyasha made a slight face in wonder and contained amusement as he shot an incredulous look at her.

“What the fuck?”

Kagome blinked, and took one look at his face and laughed, “I… haven't changed it since middle school.”

Inuyasha gaped a little, arching a brow as he inquired, “Why?”

Kagome gave him a small, sad smile and shrugged, “Nothing's changed since middle school…here…”

At her small omission, Inuyasha promptly shut his mouth. Her sad look spoke a thousand words for him, and he knew not to press.

In silence they both stripped from their clothes, and they hardly looked at one another… they were both too uncomfortable because of the situation to be interested in anything remotely sensual.

...Well, mostly.

Inuyasha only lifted his eyes to appreciate Kagome's backside as she bent over to dig in her older dresser once she was in her soaked panties...

That backside that was so luscious as he was bent over her, pounding her from behind… hearing her screaming his name…

Kagome…

He was shaken out of his daze a second later as a pair of pants hit him square in the face.

“Stop eye fucking me,” came her smirking voice, and Inuyasha grinned in such a lecherous way that Miroku would have been proud.

“Smartass. How do you expect me not to when you're so hot?” Inuyasha pulled the pants off his head and began to pull them on.

“Besides, how are you so sure I was?” he smirked back, jumping a little as he pulled them up and buttoned them.

Kagome was working a clean shirt on as she smiled softly at him, and replied, “Because I know you… and besides, you admitted it.”

Sighing softly, he walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, nuzzling his face in to her hair, “Good point… but…you know me so well, sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself. And that's just scary… You sure you wanna know what dirty fantasies I have about you when you're not around?”

He felt Kagome's giggle, rather than heard it as her small frame shook slightly in his arms…

“Jerk…”

Inuyasha smirked against her crown, sniffing her hair slightly and whispered, “You love me though…”

Kagome grinned, “I do… now get a shirt on, baka.” She grabbed an extra one and swung it at him, hitting him in the side of the head.

He just laughed, shaking his head. How did she make him so happy, even when things were so tense…?

Grinning to himself, he tugged the shirt on over his head just as a knocking sound came to the door.

“Kagome…?” a soft, young male voice came hesitantly from it, and a small light lit up in Kagome's eyes.

“Souta? Come in! It's all right.” Inuyasha blinked, staring at a young boy that came through the door. He could hardly believe his eyes…

“That squirt there is the little kid that used to tail me around? You're joking!” he kidded, walking over to the boy. Crouching down so he could get a better look, he considered him a bit. “How old are you now, Souta? Nine?” Souta nodded, looking a bit confused.

“…who are you?” the boy questioned, looking all too confused. Inuyasha faked a stabbing motion, imitating swooning dramatically. “Oh, I know I'm old but I'm not that old! You don't remember your Inu-nii-chan? Shame on you.”

Souta blinked, and a hint of remembrance crossed through his dark eyes, “Inu-nii-chan…? I thought you were a dream o-or an imaginary friend for a long time!” Inuyasha laughed, standing, “Nope, I'm here and in the flesh… can't really blame you, you were four last time I saw ya.” He tussled Souta's hair a bit, grinning.

Kagome smiled warmly at the exchange, looking down at Souta, “What did you need?”

Souta blinked, and smacked the side of his head lightly for forgetting, “Oh! Sorry. Mom wanted me to tell you dinner's ready.” Kagome swallowed, and nodded. “Okay, tell her we'll be down in a sec.” Souta nodded, then beamed up at Inuyasha, and ran downstairs.

Breathing in deeply, Kagome tried to still her fried nerves. When she felt a heavy hand placed on her shoulder, she looked back to see Inuyasha staring intently at her. “Breathe deep… it'll be okay, Kags. I promise.”

Kagome simply nodded, and began the descent down the hall and the stairs towards the dining room…

…running the gauntlet might have been easier than walking this all too familiar path…

When she stood before her family, they all looked up at her… she felt as if they were judging her, scrutinizing her, and she felt rooted to the spot…

It took her mother encouraging her to join them, and Inuyasha pushing gently on the small of her back to get her to move, to take up her old seat at the table originally meant for only four people.

“Sit, please, you two,” her mother gestured to the empty places, and they both took a seat.

The beginning of dinner started in relative silence. Inuyasha found himself searching after a bit, wondering where Kagome's father was… but he felt something holding him back, keeping him from asking that simple question. So he kept to himself, sneaking peeks at Kagome to keep himself occupied. She didn't look back… she was too absorbed to do anything else.

“…so, Kagome…” her mother began, and Kagome lifted her eyes from her fried rice. She swallowed whatever was in her mouth, and answered the call softly with a simple, “…yes, momma?”

Mrs. Higurashi gestured to the others to quit eating, and the rest of the family complied. She put her chopsticks down silently, and she began speaking, “The reason I invited you here tonight was because your grandfather and I… well…” she stopped a moment, looking towards her father. The elderly man nodded, indicating for her to continue. The woman gave a short sigh before speaking again after the small reassurance.

“We decided, it was time for you to come home… so we could be a real family again. That is also why I invited the person you were staying with to dinner, so I could see who is keeping care after my daughter… my only daughter,” she added, solemnly.

Kagome seemed too dumbstruck to respond… underneath the table, she clutched Inuyasha's leg tightly, and he covered her hand with one of his own to still her.

“…We have gone on far too long… this way, not truly being a family… and it's time. We felt it was time to remedy this,” her mother concluded, with subdued look. She seemed defeated… weathered, so worn. A look, Inuyasha realized, he often had seen on Kagome's face.

A dozen emotions flickered in Kagome's eyes while she remained impassive…

Stress, relief, worry, hopelessness, grief, uncertainty, fear, indignant anger…. But she voiced nothing, said nothing, and the air in the dining room suddenly became so thick one could swallow it whole.

Beneath the table, Kagome clenched and unclenched her fist around Inuyasha's fingers… but he dared not move, for he was afraid if he did one thing, a war might break loose.

For a while, no one spoke, and Inuyasha was sure Kagome's mother expected some sort of retaliation… but none came…

So she spoke again.

“…though, I was surprised when Inuyasha came walking through that door… I can only wonder, how your life has changed after all these weeks…”

“It's been nearly four months, Mother,” Kagome stated flatly.

And the woman gave another sigh, rubbing her temples as if to relieve some sort of invisible pressure, “I realize that, Kagome…”

“Four months can change a lot. I'm happy, now,” was Kagome's blunt response.

Mrs. Higurashi looked at her blankly, unsure how to respond. It was her mother's father who spoke, “We are happy you are happy… it is a good thing. But your place is among your family.”

Kagome turned her eyes to her grandfather… her expression was still stoic, her voice icy, “Inuyasha is my family now. He's been more my family, believed in me more and listened to me more in a matter of months than here where it has been years.”

Three pairs of eyes turned their attention to him, when previously he was unnoticed. Suddenly, he felt very small… but, at the same time, his heart elated at the words Kagome told her family. It gave him the strength to be her wall, her foundation as she continued speaking.

“He takes care of me, he makes me feel safe. I never felt that way here. But above all, he makes me feel loved,” Kagome pointed out, giving this information as if offering a guest lemonade. It was compassionless, to the fact, and unconcerned.

It was as if it was just the reality.

And Inuyasha supposed it really was. Because…

I feel that way too.

“We are your family too, honey. We made you feel loved,” Kagome's mother defended silently, her voice wavering and unsure.

Kagome shook her head in the negative, “No, you didn't. Why would I say that if you did? Hm? Souta, now Souta made me feel loved…”

Souta looked at his sister quietly, and their mother turned to stare quietly at him. Some sort of ghost seemed to hang over her head, and it was as if something from her past was haunting her.

“How did Souta make you feel loved, when neither your Jii-chan or I could?” her mother asked, her voice becoming as empty as Kagome's.

“He was the only one who believed me after father died, that's how.”

Dead silence reigned at the table after that confession. Inuyasha was shocked… the man, who acted like a second father to him… treated him like a son after his own parents died…was dead?

I didn't.. know that...

Swallowing thickly, he squeezed Kagome's hand. This time, Kagome didn't squeeze back.

“…I… believed you… I believed you had those dreams…” Mrs. Higurashi sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than anything.

“You believed I did. But you never believed that they were what I used to say they were,” Kagome shot back, her voice beginning to betray her fury… years of pent of rage that never got released…

Inuyasha knew she was about to explode.

“How could I? That's so far-fetched… I mean, demons? Seriously, Kagome, there's no such thing as demons!” her mother demanded, slamming her tiny hand on the table and making it convulse.

“Then how do you explain those bruises momma?! Do you really think I'm that clumsy?! Did you ever see me fall like that?!” Kagome shouted. Her face was flushed… she was so upset, so frustrated… how dumb can someone be?

“Why would you tell me that then? Why would you tell me you were falling, if that wasn't the truth?”

It was now Kagome's turn to slam her calloused hand down on the table, “Because, you didn't believe me! Yet you would ask, when I would before tell you the same thing over and over! Then you would tell me I was lying!”

Kagome's mother glared at her daughter, “I still think you're lying…” The venom coming from her voice was tangible…

And Kagome seethed. “What do you think happened then?!” She growled, staring at the infuriating woman.

“Your father beat you. And then, in depression, you resorted to self-mutilation. The dreams are related to his beatings, and you tossing and turning so much can cause the bruises,” her mother explained, as if that was truly how things were.

Kagome didn't believe her ears.

“Daddy never laid a finger on me!! How can you say that about him?! I thought you loved him!”

Kagome's mother stood up, reaching over to slap her daughter across the face. Kagome keeled back, staring in disbelief at the woman she dared ever call `mother'…

“Don't you dare say that! I loved that man with all my heart! B-but how else do you explain it all, Kagome?! How can you explain that?”

Kagome's eyes welled up with tears, reflecting her mother's…

“He was a saint… Just ask Souta… daddy saw it too… he would have said the same thing! He defended me all the time when he was alive!”

Mrs. Higurashi's shining and emotional eyes turned to her son, “ Is it true, Souta… do you see?”

Souta nodded quietly, taking his sister's side…

“See, Momma?! Don't you see? How can you not? How can you say those things about me, about daddy? Didn't you know him? Don't you know he loved all of us more than anything?”

Kagome's voice was cracking, and her façade was all but gone. She was an emotional wreck, vulnerable and exposed for all her family to see… something she promised she wouldn't do, ever again…

Not in front of that ignorant woman.

“B-but… my psychologist said, that that must have been it… That, you would defend him, say you loved him and he never touched you… you would substitute true reality for fake realities with demons and bad men…”

Kagome became enraged, throwing the dining room table over and screaming at her mother, “FUCK YOUR PSYCHOLOGIST! SEE WHAT WE SEE FOR ONCE, YOU BLIND LITTLE GIRL!”

“Don't talk to your mother like that!” her grandfather shouted at her, but he was ignored by all.

Once again, her mother struck her. “You… you cursed girl! I knew you killed your father with your bullshit, and now you're bringing bad fortune onto this family… Get out. Get out of my house, my home, and stay away from my family… I'm done with this. But most of all, I'm done with you…”

Kagome's tears broke free like a dam, an emotional tidal wave coming over her…

...It was inevitable, she always knew this would happen.

It was just so disappointing it only took this long…

But… despite that knowledge, the pain was still threatening to overwhelm her and suffocate her in its mass…

Turning, she ran from the dining room table, outside and into the rain.

Inuyasha stood and looked the woman who hurt his only love in the eye. And he spoke in a deadly quiet whisper to her, “I regret the fact that you don't realize what a precious gift your daughter is… But if you ever call her again, don't expect her back… I refuse to bring her around someone who only hurts her.”

Looking to Souta, he spoke in a gentler tone, “I'll be sure to make it so she can call you ever once in a while, kiddo… I'm sorry…”

Souta just nodded with glistening eyes, unable to speak.

And Inuyasha turned, walking out of the house that caused the person who held his heart so much torment.

Kagome…

She stood out in the middle of the grounds of the shrine… her face tilted to the sky as the rain washed away her tears… Her sobs echoing in his mind, such agonized sounds that Inuyasha knew they'd be burned into his memory forever… A sound of true loss, true pain that could never be healed…

Slowly he approached her, unsure of what to say…

What does one say to true pain?

To true, haunting things that torture your mind…?

He watched as her chest heaved, and she turned her face towards him--lost in an emotional squall of keening and disbelief.

And she asked him, wondering if somewhere between heaven and earth there was an answer to all these things that broke her spirit to pieces.

“Why?”

He knew...

No one could give her the solution to that.

All he could do is walk up to her, and wrap his arms around her trembling form. She clung to him as if she were close to death, scared it would take her from him as she gave him a pained whisper that said, “…please take me home…”

Inuyasha nuzzled her gently, as he lifted her weak and limp form up bridal style to carry her to the car. She was shivering, and soaked, her eyes puffy and her face pale from crying so much, and her nose running with snot…

But she was never so beautiful in all the world, in all her pain and vulnerability…

it made him love her all the more, to see her sincere trust in him.

She called it home. We're home.

Brushing his lips against her forehead, he whispered a promise quietly into her ear, "...always for you."