InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Sleep Paralysis ❯ So We Play Up On a Stage ( Chapter 21 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Inuyasha glanced across the table to Kagome every so often. The way she picked at her food… seeming to drown out everything behind her drove him to the brink of worry. He had seen it after they had come home, her withering sigh, and when she look at him with that dead look she had in her eyes...

He knew it was trouble.

She had been getting so much better… So much… FUCK!

It ripped him apart inside to see her withdrawing again, being how she used to be all those months ago… It may have not been that long ago, but the way she had come out of her shell since that time was almost a miracle. She had begun to smile again... she had friends, she was acting happier...

…and then her useless, good-for-nothing mother had to go and fuck it all up…

Fucking bitch!

Inuyasha ruthlessly stabbed a piece of fish and popped it into his mouth, chewing vehemently enough to cause Sesshomaru to raise one brow in question.

“And may I inquire how that sea bass has offended you, little brother?” he jested. But instead of it lightening the mood around the table, as it was intended, it seemed to cause Inuyasha's thinned patience and sour mood to take a turn for the worse.

“It offended me by asking stupid questions,” Inuyasha spat out and stuffed another piece of fish into his mouth before he could say something else that would truly piss off his older brother. Though that might have been a goal in the earlier days of their relationship, things were much different now… and though they may be polar opposites, they had some sort of truce that kept some semblance of peace within the household. Kagome seemed to strengthen that before… but now… the past few days she had just been too silent and invisible at home to be noticed.

Sesshomaru was drowned in his work as soon as his promotion went through, and now the only time they saw him was at dinner. But even then, most of that time was spent reading some paperwork or actually doing paperwork… tonight was a rare occasion that he didn't have his reading glasses on with his nose buried in something that concerned his occupation.

Unfortunately for him, it seemed the other two of the house were in pretty foul moods.

Of all the nights I decided it was time to pay attention… Something had to have happened…

Sesshomaru rubbed his eyes wearily, deciding to keep his mouth shut. Obviously, tonight was not good for light conversation… at least with Inuyasha. Perhaps Kagome…

“So, little sister, how was your day?” he muttered to her, trying not to seem too interested. She always caught his concern when she was like this, though, being the sharp mind that she harbored. “A day,” came her clipped reply, her eyes not leaving her untouched dinner. He eyed this, his brows creasing ever in the slightest. This didn't bode well… He should have paid more attention. He could only wonder what happened, but he knew those two generally kept their business to themselves.

“I'm not hungry, can I please be excused?” Kagome stated, throwing her napkin from her lap onto the table. Nodding slowly, the girl stood and without looking at either of the brothers, headed upstairs to be alone.

Inuyasha followed her with his eyes, sitting stiffly in his chair, but making no move to join her. Sesshomaru decided then that it was time to drag some sort of information from his little brother.

“What's wrong with her?”

Inuyasha released a loud breath then, as if he had been holding one, and returned his eyes to his dinner. He began to push it around with his chopsticks as Kagome had been… his previously voracious appetite seeming to have died within a matter of seconds.

“Her mother pretty much disowned her.” Inuyasha gave up the information he wanted without much fuss. No fight, no denial, no anger concerning the question… just a plain truth.

And that simple truth made Sesshomaru burn with a white hot anger on the inside, as if someone had suddenly lit a light against his heart and burned him with it.

But he would not voice his wrath as it would only complicate things further. He wasn't a lawyer for nothing… and he knew he was breaking the law by allowing the girl to stay there for so long. But he preferred her to have shelter than be out on the streets.

And that lawyer business is also what was keeping his carefully stoic mask in place, so as not to upset his little brother… who seemed to hurt and was somehow fragile at the moment. Though he would never say it to his face, his brother needed advice of some sort, and he wasn't sure he could be the one to give it…

Inuyasha all the while glared at the delicate curve of the rice bowl, needing to fix his concentration on something… especially something other than a living, organic being.

Everything was so wrong.

Inuyasha recalled, earlier that day as he walked with Kagome… she dragged out a cigarette and popped it in her mouth, lighting up and smoking it like she was an old pro. He could literally feel his mouth fall open, and he intelligibly stuttered at her, `W-when did you start that?' And, he pointed.

She just simply shrugged and said, `Now, I guess.'

That…in itself, was very much un-Kagome.

At WacDonalds, when Sango asked to go out again to a club Kagome conceded, without Inuyasha agreeing.

And that was strike two.

Sango just did that girly, happy thing in response and dragged Miroku off, saying they needed to get ready then. Bye-bye, see you later, and all that jazz. He himself hadn't gotten a word or opinion in about it before Sango had left with a dazed Miroku in tow, but he guessed it couldn't be helped. They were going.

And he had to pick up the rest of the gang in about an hour.

“…We're going out tonight, by the way. I forgot to tell you,” Inuyasha said to his brother, feeling somewhat sheepish. Sesshomaru tended to like to be told before-hand, if Inuyasha had any plans for the weekend. And generally, there weren't any.

But… oh, well…

Sesshomaru dropped that look on him, that accusatory one-raised brow parent look. Coming from a sibling, if done right, that look can be more unnerving. And Sesshomaru deserved an award for accomplishing it.

“Oh? Really?”

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. Yes, really…

“Yeah, that's why I said it…,” he drawled out slowly, somewhat sarcastically as he poked at his fried eggs.
Sesshomaru continued to eyeball him, lifting some morsel of food into his mouth and chewing carefully-with his mouth closed, might that be added for the record.

Freaking perfect prick… It's annoying… chew with your mouth open, be rude or something…

Inuyasha found every once in a while, Sesshomaru's perfect manners annoyed him. Though he never complained to Inuyasha about his lack thereof, Inuyasha was sure it annoyed Sesshomaru about the same. Neither said anything to one another, but by the way Inuyasha was staring at Sesshomaru's jaw, almost willing it to open while it chewed, Inuyasha was sure his brother got the picture.

Sesshomaru's brow ticked slightly, watching his brother's fixated stare on his jaw. He was doing it again… but he wouldn't give in.

Swallow, he spoke quietly, “And you'll be home at a reasonable time I'm assuming then?”

Inuyasha shrugged, “I'm not sure.”

Sesshomaru somewhat frowned. Though the boy was almost grown, sometimes he didn't get a subtle hint. Then again, subtly did not grace his younger brother's nature.

“Do as you will, then, I suppose. But be careful,” Sesshomaru stressed, trying to make it clear he was not to fuck-up. But again, it seemed to pass Inuyasha, as his younger brother just saluted him and said, “Will do.” Afterwards, he made his way upstairs to join Kagome. Sesshomaru just sighed, hiding his eyes behind his hand in frustration and muttered quietly, “Why…”





Inuyasha tried to maintain a look of absolute boredom to hide his anger behind as Kagome popped out of the small walk in closet in another skimpy, revealing outfit. They were going on number four, and every one she showed him cause his agitation to raise another notch further.

“How about this one?” The outfit consisted of a practically see through white, button up shirt that was only held together by two of those buttons… a plaid pleated miniskirt, and knee-high leather boots. She did a little twirl, the short skirt rising up to show off a pair of pale pink panties with black lace. As hot as it was, he quickly got over getting a hard on at the thought of another guy seeing her like this.

“Nope,” he offered, eyeing her as her face seemed to fall.

“…what? Am I really that fucking ugly to be seen in something like this?”

Inuyasha's eyes became saucers as his confusion bubbled over his previous anger. “What?! N-no! NO! No, that's not it!” Her sadness quickly melted away into puzzlement, and increasing indignity over the matter, “Well? …then what is it?”

Gaping a bit, trying to cover up his frustration, Inuyasha began to look a vague bit meek. He knew it wasn't right to lie, but he knew telling the truth would end up with her mad. And a mad Kagome was scarier than a nuclear bomb.

“…I love you?” Inuyasha smiled, trying to distract her. But the girl wasn't quite so fooled at the pale attempt for escape.

“Love you too. Now, what's wrong?”

Damnit… it was worth a try…

Ah well. He supposed he might as well settle for the truth.

“…it's really… revealing, I guess…” Inuyasha mumbled, taking her countenance in. Surprisingly, she didn't seem to get mad… In fact, her face was actually blank.

She just simply said, “I know.”

Inuyasha frowned a bit, as he scratched his head, “And you don't see why I have a problem with that?”

Kagome seemed to frown back, not so much at him, but in general.

“I do. But… I wanted to wear something like this anyway,” she mumbled. She instantly became the shy Kagome he knew for all but a moment again, before breaking away. She just as quickly returned to the frown.

“Kagome, you gotta understand… I'm used to you in layers, or in boy clothes, or in not… skimpy. Y'know?” he spoke lowly, trying not provoke her. And it didn't seem she was so much angry though…

…Moreso conflicted…

Why?

“Why is that bad?”

Inuyasha wanted to recoil… what a dumb fucking question….

“That's a stupid question, Kagome. Why is that bad? Why? Kimiko wears those clothes. Kimiko deserves to be in those clothes. She is a slut. But you're not…” he began but she cut him off.

“I get it. Okay? But maybe for once I wanted to have fun, and act my age. And people my age dress like this, Inuyasha.”

Scowling now, Inuyasha walked towards her and looked down at her. She was the innocent vision of a schoolgirl, that hardcore fantasy that was every man's dream. And he could barely bring himself to touch her, because that just wasn't her…

… That isn't Kagome…

“People our age do a lot of really fucking dumb things, Kags,” he spoke. He was really hating that outfit more and more as they spoke. Really.

At least she wasn't wearing thigh highs, he guessed. Not that she hadn't broke them out already, wherever they had come from.

“Maybe I want to try that, Inu! Maybe I want to be normal, and do stupid things!” Kagome growled, staring him straight in the eye. Inuyasha glared straight back. And then, he began unbuttoning her shirt. She didn't stop him, but she didn't make it easier when he tried to take it off of her.

“What kind of fucking dumb thing is that to say, Kagome? What kind of logic is that?” Inuyasha was really trying to see her point of view… he really was…

But, I can't see that far up adolescent ass.

Growling, he tossed her shirt over his shoulder as he began to work off the skirt.

“It's the logic that says that I've realized life is too short and too fucked up to spend it hiding. I want to go out and explore… take risks, live life to the fullest. I just need to grab the reigns of life and pull before it throws me off and walks all over me.”

Inuyasha was giving her navel a heated leer as she spoke those words, and he paused while she said them… but once she was done, he pulled the skirt down off her hips and she stepped out of them.

“Kagome, people who take risks like that are the people who end up dead. Or alcoholics, or druggies, or any number of things that are all wrong. It's okay to have fun, but then there's taking it too far. We've got too much after us and too many things to do to fuck everything all up to hell and make us both vulnerable,” Inuyasha still spoke softly. It was as if he was speaking to a child.

And though Kagome seemed to hear him, it appeared that she didn't want to.

And afterwards, she remained silent. Because he was right… he just was. There was no room for stupid mistakes. There was no room for massive fuck ups. And she just blatantly forgot all that was at stake.

They were at stake…

Their lives were at stake…

And it was all too much to gamble for a few moments of careless fun.

But her heart still beat rebelliously in her chest, making her want to throw it all away in the face of her pain and be the one who got the last laugh.

It sickened her.

But she enjoyed the thought… of perhaps, for once, even for one night… having a chance at absolute freedom.. A chance to be carefree.

And she longed for that dream. That dream where all she had to worry about was boys, and homework, and graduating.

Not hurt over those invisible things that invaded her dreams and caused her father to die… according to her mother, in the very least… and having that same mother pretty much disown her because of it.

It was too much.

The loneliness, the rejection, the spite… it was all catching up to her, and she was suffocating. And she needed to find some way to breathe.

She barely noticed as Inuyasha dressed her. But when he was done, she reviewed his work in a mirror and found herself strangely pleased…

A solid black skirt with a sheer layer atop of it that was design to seem torn at the bottom and cut at an angle graced her legs and flowed nicely… it was really comfortable… Along with a satin black baby doll top complimented her pale skin, despite the lingering bruises. Long, black gloves with no fingers that went up to her bicep were given to her, and Inuyasha smiled genuinely at his work. “A lot of black, maybe, but you look fucking hot. Cleavage for both you and me will keep us both happy, eh?”

Rolling her eyes at him, she let out a soft laugh. He really was a piece of work.

“Yeah.”

Inuyasha grinned, and wrapped his arms around her waist. Smiling at her, and staring at her in the mirror he spoke, “And no dumb risks, right?”

Kagome's smile fell slowly, and she nodded slightly, speaking in an even tone, “Right.”

That satisfied Inuyasha enough. If she agreed, there was no reason to worry, right?




Wrong. Inuyasha growled loudly over the music, watching his drunk girlfriend stumble over Sango, who was equally drunk as they both laughed together on the dance floor.

Now, while he wasn't much of a dancer, he didn't mind Sango dancing with her. Sango kept the boys at bay, and the girls were happy. But the girls had been bought rounds of drinks by guys trying to pick them up, and though unsuccessful, their mission was.

Both girls were blitzed.

Burying his face in his hands, a drunk Miroku nudged him as he slurred, “H-hey, what's up man? Why're you so tense? Hey, c'mon, have a burr or something.” Then, he downed another shot.

Inuyasha eyed his friend in annoyance, looking somewhat weary as he grumbled, “I can't have a beer because I have to drive. And unlike some stupid kids, I don't believe in driving drunk.”

Miroku shoved him slightly, causing his chair to tip to the side slightly and Inuyasha growled at him again. “What the fuck is yer problem, Yash? Lighten…” he ensued with a slight hiccup and continued, “…l-lighten up man… The gurls are havin' fun… what's the b-big fuckin' deal?”

Giving Miroku a hard glare, he hissed, “You wouldn't understand and don't even bother assuming you would, because you wouldn't. Mind your own fucking business.”

Miroku became indignant as he sloshed a shot in front of Inuyasha's face, trying to point with the same hand that held the drink. It wasn't working to well, but Inuyasha gave him kudos for trying to appear serious while hammered.

“Now… now,” a hiccup, “you listen hurr… y-you asshole… I'be yer friend for long time now, and I tink that entitles moi to serious explanation, yah? I've loved you long time, and is time teh reap teh benefits.”

Inuyasha stared blankly at his friend, “…man… you're wasted.”

Miroku downed his shot and slammed the cup down. After wiping the excess away on his sleeve, he pointed another finger in Inuyasha's face and wagged it wisely, speaking louder, “N-now listen. No, no, I'm surious. Listen. Not to me, but jus listen.” Inuyasha raised an eyebrow, “Not to you? Then to who?”

“NO! Yer not listenin'! Not me, you haveta jus listen!” Inuyasha frowned, “I don't fucking get it!”

“CAUSE YER NOT LISTENIN'! Dun listen'ta who I am, ya gotta listen to what I'be sayin'. Yah?”

Somehow, that made sense. Leave it to Miroku to make sense completely wasted. Welcome to Miroku's worldly insight.

“Okay, then, what?” Inuyasha seethed, not wanting to go over this with a drunk Miroku.

Or a sober Miroku.

Or any Miroku.

Or even anyone, for that matter.

“You've gotta letther live,” Miroku pointed at the girls, who were grinding up on each other and laughing at each other's drunken mistakes.

Inuyasha gazed wistfully at Kagome.

…He wanted to let her go. He wanted to just let her have fun. But their lives didn't allow it…

“It's not that simple.”

Miroku tsked him with a finger, and grinned slightly at him, “Yah it's, Yash.”

Inuyasha felt his eyebrow tick, “I hate that fucking nickname. You know that… And somehow, you're using it in abundance, and I'd like to know why.”

Miroku waved a dismissive hand at him, as if he was shooing away nonsense. “Thasss not important, Yash!” Inuyasha glowered. “Whas impotant is right hurr and now! Man, nuttin' in teh past ur future can beat hurr and now.”

“That's what you say. But when everything now affects the future, I wanna hear you say that, you prick. Like I said, you don't get it, so drop it.”

Miroku held up both hands defensively as he shot his hand over at a passing waitress to grab a few more drinks. Grinning, he downed one and said, “I will, I will… Demo, ye'gotta realize sumthin', at least…”

Inuyasha rolled his eyes and leaned his face into his palm. His look clearly said `what?'.

Miroku took the chance.

He held up two fingers, and gave Inuyasha his drunken serious face again, “Two tings. Uno, ye hold onta sumthin' too tight, it's gonna slip away. Y'know, like when ya hold sand tightt, it falls… yah gotta bebe cradle it in yer palms like dis…” Miroku held up his palms together as if he was cupping water, and Inuyasha sighed.

“I get it.”

Miroku nodded in acquiesce, and lifted up another finger, “Dos, ya gotta let peoples in. Yah gotta let the peoples in, man. Y'can't let her be it all. Cause when she consumes ya, and yah got her and she's hurtin'… where else you gotta go, man?” Miroku then gave him the puppy eyes, which meant he was being sympathetic. Generally, it was used on girls. So therefore, Inuyasha felt somewhat uneasy.

“…Yeah, yeah, I get it…”

Miroku smiled and smacked Inuyasha on the back really hard and Inuyasha turned red for a second, and coughed.

“I love you long time.”

Inuyasha shifted and looked away, trying to ignore his wasted friend. And though Miroku was probably in never-never land by now, he had a point…

He guessed they couldn't keep this up… but the idea of letting others in besides her was a scary one…

They always rebuked him. Rejected him for what he told them.

They thought he was crazy.

And that's why he never said anything to Miroku.

Scratching the side of his face, Inuyasha felt something there… maybe it was his imagination. But no… it tingled. And it itched… and when he turned to look at Miroku, he caught his friend staring at him.

And it was unnerving.

“W…what?” he griped a bit, not liking the way his friend was watching him in awed confusion.

“…Man…” Miroku shook his head, and rubbed his eyes a bit. Squinting at Inuyasha as if trying to decipher something, Miroku leaned closer and blinked hard a few times.

“What?!” Inuyasha was getting to be on edge. He didn't like it when people stared at him.

It felt like they were judging him.

“… Since when were yer eyes dat golen-brown-ie color?” rubbing his eyes, Miroku proceeded to blink at him again.

“Didja get colored contacts ur sumthin'?”

Inuyasha glanced toward Kagome nervously and whispered hoarsely, “No, you're drunk. You need to stop drinking so much…”

Miroku seemed to nod in agreement, and patted him on the back again.

“H-hey. If ya wanna go, git goin'. Y'don't look too well all o' a sudden, buddy.”

Inuyasha glanced at his friend. “You sure? Sango'll be okay?”

Miroku smiled, “Pfffffft, that gurl… drives better drunk… Calmin' down the road rage… BUT… I'll make surr she's da sober one…”

Inuyasha nodded slowly, and stood.

Yeah… he didn't feel good. He didn't feel good about leaving his drunk friends behind, but he even more didn't feel good about the moment.

It wasn't right.

They needed to go home.

So, he strolled up to the girls and took Kagome by the arm gently, “C'mon, it's time to go.” Kagome looked up at him with bright, wide eyes and pulled away, “No! I wanna stay here longer…”

Inuyasha felt a hint of agitation, “Kagome… we need to go home…” He hoped she'd catch it. If only…

“I can drive her home…” Sango said. Inuyasha looked at her in surprise. Sango simply smiled, “Yeah, I have a habit of sobering up quick. It's hard to get drunk, and harder to stay drunk. Runs in the family.”

Inuyasha shook his head slowly, “While I appreciate it, I'd feel better if she came home with me. I need to talk with her… and, well, I can't do that when she's here.”

Sango somewhat frowned, looking down at her distressed friend. Kagome looked like she really didn't want to go, and was giving her a pleading look. She was even mouthing `please, please, please'… But when she glanced at Inuyasha, his eyes were firm and stubborn. She knew Inuyasha was more serious about this than just some talk about some random things, so Sango backed down.

“Okay. Well, I'll catch you at school Monday then,” she said as she hugged Kagome. Kagome gave a loud whine from the back of her throat, but Sango simply passed her off to Inuyasha.

Inuyasha smiled in thanks, offered a small goodbye, and headed for the door.

Kagome tugged away a bit, whining the entire time, “Let me go… I was having fun… why'd you make me…?” Inuyasha glared down at her, “Because it was time to go. And don't think I'm going to let you off easy… You're drunk.”

Kagome huffed and grumbled, “Yeah, so? I can if I wanna be… You're not my mommy…”

Inuyasha tried to be patient.

“No… you can't. We talked about this before…” he started.

…But she wouldn't let him finish it.

She just didn't want to let him.

I don't want to hear it…

“What does it matter if we talked about it?! I don't wanna do it!” she yelled at him, and stomped her foot like a spoiled child unable to have her way. Inuyasha cast her a sad look as she spoke those words, though… And her heart leapt against her chest. She hated that look.

Sympathy…

Kagome covered her eyes, knowing if she didn't see him, it wouldn't be there.

“Don't look at me like that! My mother did that! I'm not a freak, I don't need your pity either!” Kagome shouted at him.

“I didn't call you a freak…” Inuyasha tried again. But she still wouldn't let him.

“I AM A FREAK! Only freaks see invisible things! Only freaks are crazy! And I'm a freak! And right now, I wanna do anything I can to not remember it! I was having fun, and you took that away, you bastard!” Kagome was screaming at him in the parking lot. He had to get her to stop. Some people were already staring.

“Kagome… stop. You're drunk… you're gone. You're so wasted, so blitzed, so hammered…”

Kagome cut him off, “I GET THE PICTURE! Inebriated!”

Inuyasha considered her a moment, and continued as if she hadn't yelled, “…You just need to go home, and we'll take a hot shower, and sleep it all off. We don't have to go anywhere tomorrow, even… Just you and me, okay?” He held out a hand to her… offered it to her, offering her some way to be consoled. Comforted, made to feel as if everything were all right.

…but everything isn't all right...

“I don't want to sleep,” Kagome said quietly, dropping her hands with tears glistening in her eyes. She looked so defeated…

“I don't want to sleep, but some days I just don't wanna wake up so I don't remember… Don't you see?... Right now, I'll do anything to keep from waking, to keep from sleeping… and most of all, to keep from remembering it all. That's the worst…” She bit her bottom lip… worrying it, thinking deeply… as if she didn't even see him standing right there in front of her…

Her look was so far gone then… like a lost child.

…She looked scared, even….

“…And it hurts…So bad…”

Her voice was barely audible, but Inuyasha was moving towards her as she said it… She spoke it wistfully, her voice on the edge of cracking…

…and he heard every word. And every word broke his heart, because every word told him what a failure he was. What a failure he was because he couldn't protect her…

And he had no response.

And tears welled up in her eyes when he had nothing to say. He just looked at her grimly, unable to speak. Her walls came crashing down on top of her head, finally. And when it happened, she could only do one thing.

She ran the other way…

Away from Inuyasha…

Away from the life she hated…

And all the while, she ignored the boy who loved her, screaming at her to wait.