InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Sleep Paralysis ❯ The Human Heart ( Chapter 31 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

A/n: Now to pick up where I left off. Hopefully, to some extent. Long story short for the long wait- met the man of my dreams, I'm expecting now, and dealt with a lot of stupid people who weren't too happy about all of that. Haha! All done. I'm happy, I'm fat now, and I missed you all. Forgive me! Well, not really, I wouldn't change anything in the world right now. A lot more is still going on (have to get ready for the arrival, blah blah blah...) so I'll update asap. Please be patient with me. Much thanks.

Inugrl27: Thanks for the awesomeness.
OrlandoLover: I love chocolate <3.
LadyWolf: Your poetry is beautiful... unfortunately, I deleted all the places mine were :x. Lots of memories, but I saved the ones I wanted to keep on the computer. So not all is lost! Hope to hear from you after this chapter, you're very kind.
Temptestflame: I got a sama... Ooo, I'm flattered! And thank you ^_^.
Fedual Teller of Tales: "Wow"... That word can have so many different meanings, and I hope it was a good one :p!
Im Inuyashas dirty little secret: Sorry I didn't live up to your expectations totally! Thank goodness you found my story later than sooner! You didn't have as long of a wait! (I hope). ^^; And what's his secret? He likes pink? :D?
Kryptic Insanity: I appreciate the original part ^-^! I love to be original. And as far as the grammar, I am painfully aware of them because that's one of my fanfic pet peeves too. I am just always too lazy to reread the chapters I wrote, and when I do I catch them. Bah humbug on me. So my apologies for my incorrections. I reread the chapters and I wanted to throw them out a window. On that note...

**** I NEED A BETA! *****


That's all. Thank you.

Luna-




Emptiness. Was that all to feel, despite all he should feel blessed for? He had been fighting his feelings for what seemed like hours and hours, an endless timeframe that seemed to span an eternity. Years that passed by, it seemed he had been fighting those feelings all his life. Memories resurfaced, old scars that had never properly closed with time, but everyone had those, didn't they?

Nowadays everyone had their own problems, their own past to deal with. But how was one to escape their past? Just because you cut people out of your life, stop talking to them, even are miles away.... How do you keep those bad memories from haunting you? He had tried to accept them, run away, regress, progress-... everything under the sun and simply nothing seemed to work. He needed a future, wanted a future with Kagome... but the future seemed so dim when the past was so close. A looming, ghostly figure that refuse to let go of his mind entirely.

Every mistake he made with his family, everything he could never take back, every mistake he had made with Kagome, those tears he had made her cry... Things he had never meant to do. Things he wished he could have done to make certain things better... It was like the universe simply refused to let him forget. For despite the fact he may be looking into those amazing sapphire eyes of hers, another image would take hold of his sight that made him want to cringe.

The world in general said to move on and let go. But it seemed those people would forget the circumstances instead of actually letting go. Those people would place them far, far away in themselves in some little box in a some little corner to collect dust. Memories. Things that should be held precious, but hinder instead. Memories that shape us to be who we are, act why we do, think the way we think, live the way we live.

Whether it may seem to be a false pretense, an unrealistic way of being, memories are what cause us to do such things. Warp things, perceive things in strange ways. Simply put, perception. Regardless, he knew any action he did was of his own choice, with its own consequences, a matter of his own free will. In essence, anything that may have happened, unless a direct act against him by someone else, was his own damn fault. Would the guilt ever leave, when it swelled his heart so full to the brink, and directed his every course of action?

He wanted to be a better person. He wanted to be a good person. He wanted to just live, make the right choices, love Kagome to his fullest, and let these horrid things go. How would they heal? Could they heal? These questions had plagued him for what seemed like a hundred lifetimes. He had endured enough pain to last him an infinity. He didn't ask the questions most people asked, 'Why am I here?', 'What is my purpose?', 'What is the meaning of life?'. His own reasonable conculsion was that the simple answer to all those things was that it was whatever reason you gave it. Whether you decided you were here for someone, or for a cause, pr a principal, or a feeling... That was the answer. That life was simply meant to be lived.

The question he frequently found himself asking, though not as much recently, had been, 'When will it end?', 'Can I just make it stop?', 'Is there a way out?'. And he knew what the answer was.

No.

He had to deal with it, he had to face it, but how? It had been easier in recent times, when things were good with Kagome, when she had been feeling better before she had fallen apart so quickly again. It shattered his heart to pieces to watch her, not understand how to help, not able to comprehend to the fullest what she was going through. Her abilities. Their similiar dreams. Her pain.

All he could possibly want, possibly do was be there for her. But he never noticed his own steady decline at what he had deemed his own failure.

"...I failed her..."

He banged his fist harder against the brick, feeling his skin chafe at the impact, but nothing stopped the constant pounding, as he tried to pound those words out of his soul.

Failure.

Tears spent their ways down his cheeks, and he held back nothing. He cried like he was in grade school, and a bully had picked on him. That bully may as well had been experience.

Falling flat on his backside, he buried his face in his hands, grasping at his hair in an effort to hide his shame.

"I'm sorry, Kagome... Forgive me, please..."

Suddenly, he felt a warm hand press against his shoulder, as he whirled around to face who had touched him.

Eyes widening imperceptibly, his mouth dropped open as one fragile, broken word fell through his mouth as he barely whispered...

"...Kikyou..."



"Sango! Are you here?!" Miroku banged against the front door, cursing that Inuyasha had locked the damn thing. Where had the idiot gone anyway?!

"I'm here, I'm here, hold on!" A gentle voice called out from the inside, and he felt his heart jump into his throat and beat there feverishly as he tried to swallow it back down. Thank Kami...

The door opened, and a surprised gasp greeted him as he threw his arms around her, the one person he held more precious than anyone else in the world, and he pulled her flush up against him. "I'm so happy you're okay, Sango..." He ignored the curious look he was receiving from Kagome, who was also apparently much better, and looking a lot calmer than she had in a long time.

"...Yes Miroku... I'm okay... Thanks to Kagome... and you," Sango said softly, slowly and hesitantly returning the favor as she hugged him back. That only had Miroku increasing his hold on her. Kagome smiled.

"Where is Inuyasha, Miroku?" she asked softly, looking toward the couple that broke apart at the sound of her voice. Miroku regretfully tore his gaze from Sango, turning his attention toward her. Kagome noted the effort with rising suspicion. Good suspicion...

"He isn't with me. When I left, I left him here," Miroku answered shortly and moved to stand closer to Sango as he spoke.

But panic rose in Kagome's eyes. "What? He's not with you?" Worry pounded in her chest, and she took a fleeting look at the door, but Sango realized her intentions and blocked the exit.

"No, Kagome. It's too dangerous for you to go out. You should wait here for him, he's a strong boy. He can take care of himself. And besides, you're probably still weak from healing me..."

Kagome ignored the comment.

"What if he's in trouble? What if something happens? I have to find him..." She stood, and began to make her way to the door, pushing gently on Sango in request, but the girl would not budge.

"No Kagome. Inuyasha would kill me if I let you leave. Please, stay here, with us..." Sango spoke to her friend softly, her heart splitting a bit with regret when she saw tears begin to fill her radiant blue eyes, and Kagome pleaded, "Please, please Sango? I'm so scared... I thought he was with Miroku, I thought they left together... I thought he was safe..."

Miroku sighed and placed a firm hand on Kagome, trying to calm her before she got too increasingly upset, "Kagome, what would be the point? What if he came back after you left, and we had no idea where you were? It would be a game of cat and mouse. The best idea is to stay put, and for you to stay here-where he knows you are. Safe. I promise if he doesn't come back soon, we can all leave to search for him, together, okay?"

Kagome seemed to want to protest, but she simply swallowed and nodded in agreement. "...okay..."

Miroku and Sango smiled at their friend. "Don't worry, he'll be okay..."

Kagome lifted her eyes towards the door again, shining in apprehension...

I hope so...



Inuyasha stumbled back a few feet, staring at the vision of the dead priestess with blinking eyes, trying to rub them out as if he had been imagining her. I'm not asleep, why am I seeing her?

"Inuyasha..." she spoke softly to him, her voice carrying a cold drift of afterlife, that haunting like quality that pulled you in and made you shiver, bringing a chill straight to your bones...

I must be dreaming... it must be a dream... He leaned back from her, surprised by how warm the contact was when she reached out and touched his cheek in what he assumed was meant to be a reassuring way. "Inuyasha, you must go. Go back to Kagome. She is awake, and she needs you there with her."

Inuyasha felt the tears rise hotly to his eyes again. Unbidden, the words fell from his lips, "I failed her!"

Kikyou sighed, running delicate fingers through his dark hair, laying those deadly familar blue eyes upon him. "You must go. You must stop blaming yourself, for you are only reenacting what has occured for far too many years..."

Deep inside himself, he felt his heart clench at words he knew were too true, but he didn't understand in his mind.

"I don't understand..." he said softly, almost feeling stupid for those words.

Kikyou ran her hand down his face, covering his eyes gently, "I thought not. Your memories have not fully returned, and so I shall show you..."

A bright light surrounded him, and Inuyasha cried out in shock as a warmth spread through him and into his mind.


Kagome sat quietly and nervously on the couch, her gaze focused on the carpeted floor that was kept meticulously clean by Sesshomaru, ignoring the soft conversation that was being had in the kitchen. She kept saying a prayer in her mind, a mantra to whatever Kami might be listening.

Please let Inuyasha be safe... Please let him come back home to me...

The world around her didn't exist, and all she could see what those golden orbs as bright as the sun smiling down at her, warm arms that held her while she slept-arms she knew so well. Arms she knew before she had felt them again. A love that had been sent to her invisibly through a boy that had never left her side, though she hadn't know differently.

Inuyasha...

He had always been there. He was her invisible love, and she knew that now. She knew he was the one from her dreams-the boy with the white hair, and weird ears, and fangs. She didn't know why she knew that, but she did. She knew that same feel, the feel of his lips, the way he looked at her, the way he moved... it was all too similar, too much the same.

Inuyasha had always been there for her, in her dreams, in her life, in her mind. For so many years now, watching her even when she didn't know it and knew it all at the same time. She had ignored it, allowed the pain and the hatred of everything around her to consume her. Bitterness, self loathing... All those negative things he had begun to gently cleanse away with his love.

He replaced all those bad feelings with all the good things she had wanted for so long. Love. A home. Freedom. Redemption. Forgiveness.

He had lessened the burden of her self-hatred, something that had run so deep for so long... hatred that she was so abused, so helpless, so used. She felt disgusted, dirty... Like scum. And he made her feel better, like an actual person.

She felt human again.

She felt her heart beating, and for the first time she was happy for it.

Because it was beating for him.

For Inuyasha.

And it always had, and always would beat steadily for the one boy who was able to bring her back from the dead.


Miroku looked deeply into Sango's eyes, pushing a strand of hair that had escaped and clung to her face away as he smiled softly. She looked so unsure, so nervous by the closeness of his proximity. He could tell she wasn't certain how to take his admission, how he had told her he cared for her far more deeply than a friend. How he was willing to stand with her through this mess, be close to her to help her through.

She avoided his gaze, but he was patient. He had made his decision to stay with her, if only she'd let him. he would protect her no matter what come. An he knew... he knew there was so much more coming.

"Sango..." he spoke softly, capturing her attention and brining her back down from space. "Miroku... I... " she began, clearly unsure of herself. He lifted his hand to stop her, and shook his head. "Sango... you don't have to say anything. I simply wanted to tell you the truth. It was... important to me... That you know."

Sango's eyes began to shine, tears glistening as her lips parted quietly, letting out a small breath. Miroku sighed softly, his gaze drifting lower there, and he couldn't contain himself.

Bending his head down slowly, carefully to not frighten her... he captured those lips with his own, and placed a gentle kiss of reassurance there. Sango let out a gasp, and he used that chance to deepen the kiss softly.

He never did expect her to wrap her arms around his neck and bring him closer, though...

Sango... I'll stay by your side...

Was his silent promise as he wrapped his arms around her small frame and brought her protectively to him, hoping to never let her go ever again.


A man with white hair, golden eyes and claws crashed through the roof of the small sacred shrine that contained the Shikon no Tama... the bulb was shining with purity, luring him in to take it as his own. And that was exactly what he did. Grabbing it, he heard shouts coming from outside the walls, and he grinned devilishly, jumping up and forcing his way through the roof.

"INUYASHA!" was the outraged cries of the villagers.

'...Is this me...?'

'Yes... Inuyasha. This is your past,' he heard Kikyou's voice... but he could not place her prescence... or even his own. He was having an out of body experience...

His claws shredded the nets that tried to contain him as he raced towards the edge of the village, the inhabitants barely able to keep up with him.

Landing, he knew he was almost in the clear. He had taken his revenge... his revenge for being betrayed by her...

"Inuyasha!" a voice froze him, and he turned to face her.

Kikyou.

Inuyasha turned his gaze towards her, time stopping that moment.

The moment his life changed forever.

She released her arrow she had knocked on her bow... it struck him in the heart, pinning him to the Goshinboku... And the Shikon no Tama fell from his hand, as he reached out for it...

...why...Kik...you...?

Was the last thought he had before he slipped into darkness...

And as he awakened, he was greeted by a pair of all too familiar blue eyes...

"Kikyou...?!"

"My name is not Kikyou! It's Kagome! Ka.go.me!"

She said it with such spitfire... such life... Kagome...

'She had the Shikon no Tama in her body...' Inuyasha mumbled quietly, not knowing how he remembered that...

'Yes... and she split it into hundreds of shards that you had to collect for many years, fighting Naraku... the one who betrayed you and I... pitting us against one another...' Kikyou said...

Inuyasha frowned... 'You came back to life, a witch gave you part of Kagome's soul...'

'A soul she never got back... not even after my physical form was destroyed a second time...'

"Inuyasha! How can you choose my duplicate over me?!" Kikyou's usual stoic face was marred with hatred, making it extremely unpleasant to see. "You promised me an eternity in hell, you betrayed me again Inuyasha!"

Inuyasha leered at Kikyou as he held Kagome's prone form in his arms. Her skin was pale, and blood coated her t-shirt and jeans. An arrow stuck out of her chest, rising and falling with her shallow breathing. She was dying...

"I promised to protect you! You told me a couple of fucking months again you'd leave her and I alone! We nearly got Naraku! He's running and we have the Shikon no Tama, damnit! Why the hell did you have to do this to her?!" Inuyasha wouldn't even bother trying to explain for the hundreth time it was Naraku's fault she was betrayed, not his... she never listened...

Luckily his friends had forced him to realize the difference... That his true obligation was to protect the one her truly loved... the one who lay near death in his arms, thanks to Kikyou...

But she refused to see reason.

"Because you belong to me, Inuyasha! Your soul is mine!" she insisted darkly, raising her bow toward him.

He took it as am empty threat.

It had happened too many times to count over the years.

"And your sould is hers! You died!"

Kikyou visibly choked on his words.

He did not stop.

"You are a part of her! Your anger and hatred is only a shadow of who you once were! Can't you remember your true self, Kikyou?!"

Kikyou seethed, "She does not belong here."

Inuyasha lifted an accusing finger at her, and hollared at her, "YOU do not belong here! She fell through the well because of fate! You were a sick accident of a demented witch!"

Kikyou fell silent for all but a moment.

"I'll never forgive you..."

Inuyasha snarled, "You never did to begin with, and you never will. And I shall return the favor for what you have done..."

Without hesitation, he laid Kagome gently on the ground and struck Kikyou down for taking the one thing more precious to him than life itself...

'Was that how it happened?...' Inuyasha asked in shock.

Kikyou's soft words reached him, 'Yes, Kagome and I both died that day. When that happened, we became one again... but she released me, and I decided never again will I allow this to happen, after your made your wish...'

Inuyasha was quiet for a moment, taking it in...

Then he asked, 'Wish...? What wish...?'

He heard a smile in Kikyou's reponse, 'You wished to find Kagome's soul again the next life, after you killed Naraku... so that you all may be together again. As a family, the way you felt it should be.'

Inuyasha gaped, '...what...?'

'You got your wish Inuyasha... the only thing is though you destroyed Naraku's physical body, Inuyasha... you failed to properly destroy his heart... and thus, he was able to follow you into this life. And now he intends to use the Shikon no Tama to his advantage...'

Frowning, Inuyasha questioned, 'I thought... it was supposed to disappear... when I made the wish...?'

'Yes, but when Kagome was reborn, so was it... as a balancing. As a karma for the mission her soul never got to finish.'

Further confused, again he asked, 'What mission?'

'Her soul never got to properly be the guardian of the Shikon no Tama. She has to be the one to destroy Naraku.'