InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Closet ❯ Will You Freaking DIE Already?! ( Chapter 5 )

Will You Freaking DIE Already?!

Disclaimer!! STUPID RED UNDERLINE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! Back! (I have Windows XP and I'm using Word so whenever I make a speeling - yes, I meant speeling!! - mistake it underlines it in red!! BAH! Oh, yeah. The number one oxymoron in the entire universe? Microsoft Works.) Gone crazy, back soon. Oh, look, I'm back. LOOK! THE SUN! IT DRIED UP THE LAND-Y, LAND-Y! EV-RY-THING WAS, FINE AND DAND-Y, DAND-Y! CHILDREN OF THE LORD!! Sank you! Sank you! Okee dokee, that's the song Noah's Ark. Well, one verse anyways. I learned it at Wildwood Bible Camp!! w00t w00t!! Wildwood!! Okees, now… Oh, right, if you're opposed to violence against any character, leave now. Well, actually, don't worry about Sango, Miroku, Kagome, Inu-Yasha, Shippo, Kirara… um… possibly Koga… I haven't decided if I want him to live yet… Well, read on. What's that sound? *Looks puzzled, scratches head, looks out window.* Hm. Sounds like a cross between a lawnmower and those machine-y-truck-y-things they use to rip up the street… I'm at the back of the house and the sound is at the side so I can't see what's making it. Oh, well, I'll call Mystery Inc. *Calls. Gets machine. Like, hey dudes. We're out getting some pizzas or something or getting FREAKED OUT by an evil monster somewhere. Leave a message… unless you want us to fight more monsters… then don't call back!! ~Someone wrestles phone away from Shaggy.~ Jinkies. Please just leave a message after the beep. ~BEEEEEEP!~* Uhh… Hey. It's the Author calling. I need you to find out what's making those sounds outside. Call back when you find out! Bye! Okay, fic time!

*Kagome and Inu return to the Feudal era after their weekend alone. Sango and Miroku are waiting at the mouth of the well.*

Sango: Hey, Kagome, Inu-Yasha. How was your weekend?

Kagome: Hey, Sango. It was okay but Sota has a crush on Rin who has a crush on Sota. Rin's not really evil but she got sucked into my era when Sessoumaru attacked us and I had to bring her back but we met up with Kagura and Kanna and now Kanna has a crush on Sota and she and Rin got into a fight over him and now Rin has to decide if she's going to go back to Sessoumaru or stay with Sota and if she stays it'll be like me and Inu-Yasha only Sota won't be able to come see her whenever he wants and vice versa. *Breathes.*

*Sango and Miroku look stunned.*

Sango: Oh…

Inu-Yasha: How was your weekend?

Miroku: Good but we were attacked by evil killer bees from Jeromaru's pet hive and Kageromaru set a pack of ravenous three-headed dogs on us and then Koga's girlfriend Ayame attacked us in our sleep but we fought her off and then we were attacked by Sessoumaru's little goblin-imp-thing-servant-dude, Jacken, and we beat him up but then Kikyo showed up and tried to kill us. *Breathes.*

Kagome: Really?!

Inu-Yasha: Koga has a girlfriend? *Thinking:* Yay! *Does a happy dance but stops when everyone stares at him.*

Sango: No. None of that happened but we did see Ayame and Koga.

*Kagome and Inu roll their eyes at Miroku, more amused than annoyed.*

Kagome: Found Shippo's sugar stash, didn't you?

Miroku: *Shifty eyes.* Nooo…

Inu-Yasha: Right. Well anyways, we should probably get back to Kaede's house and pick up Shippo and Kirara. Maybe Naraku's been sighted again.

*The new foursome arrives at Kaede's to find it deserted.*

Kagome: Kaede? Hello? Kaede?

Inu-Yasha: She must be collecting herbs with Shippo, Kirara and Rin.

Kagome: I forgot about Rin…

Sango: Should we go look for them?

Miroku: Alright. We'll split up. Come on, Sango.

Sango: Mr. Predictable. Kagome and I want to search together this time.

*Miroku and Inu-Yasha look crest-fallen.*

Inu-Miroku: Okay…

*They four separate and begin their search.*

Sango: Sorry about that. I wanted to talk to you.

Kagome: Oh, sure, no problem. Um… Talk about what?

Sango: It's about Kohaku. Do you think we can get him back?

Kagome: *Taken aback.* Oh! Um, I don't know but-

*Phone rings.*

~Me~ Hello? Oh, hey Shaggy! (He's my fave!) What's up? Oh, the Scooby Snacks are behind the Corn Pops. Davey McDave Face's been eating them. Sorry. I'll buy you a new box later. (Note: Davey McDave Face is my little bro's nickname and he really does eat Scooby Snacks. As for the Corn Pops, he was asking for them once and called them `Porn Cops' *Bursts into hysterical and tumultuous laghter. Laughter even.* Why am I the only one who ever finds this funny??) *Hangs up.* Oh well, back to you Kagome.

Kagome: So as I wa-

~Me~ POPCRON!! AHHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAA!!! Sorry.

Kagome: …

Sango: …

~Me~ Talk, gosh darn it!!

Kagome: Uhh, right. Um, yeah, I think we can get Kohaku back but first we need to kill Naraku and get the Jewel back.

Kikyo: Like that'll ever happen.

Kagome: Quiet, you! Hey, wait, where'd you come from?? AAH! Will people stop freaking appearing out of freaking nowhere?!?!

Kikyo: …

Sango: What's up, Sweetcakes? I mean, what do you want this time?!

~Me~ EEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!! I forgot to sank Cowboy Bebop for … existing!! w00t w00t!! Ask DNA! So, SPANKS! Not literally of course… Although, Spike is really, really hot! *Huggles Spike!!* "How'd I get here?? Ed? Jet? Faye Faye??"

Kikyo: Quiet, you!!

~Me~ WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU QUIET YOU ME!! I SMITE YOU!! SMITE!! SMITE!!!

*Kikyo gets smited or smote or whatever and is now dead and everyone starts doing the happy dance and singing and throwing confetti!!*

Kagome: PARTAE!! Par-taaae!

Sango: Did that really just happen?

Kagome: *Inspects the body. Kicks it. Shoots it with a Sacred Arrow.* Well, if not, at least she's dead now.

*Sango and Kagome continue on as if nothing has happened, well, except that they're really happy.*

Sango: Oh, there's Kaede. HEY, KAEDE!!

Kaede: Oh, hello Sango. We were just on our way back.

Kagome: We who?

Kaede: Oh, Shippo, Rin and Kirara went ahead without me. I had to collect a few more herbs.

*They pass the body. Kagome kicks it.*

Kagome: INU-YASHA!! WE FOUND KAEDE! *Waves to Inu.*

Inu-Yasha: *Comes over.* Oh, good. Then we can go to bed now. *Yawns.* I'm tired.

Kagome: Want to have a bonfire to celebrate first?

Inu-Yasha: Celebrate what?

Kagome: Oh… Um… Well, when we were walking through the woods, looking for Kaede, Kikyo appeared out of nowhere-

*Everyone GASPETHS!! Except Shippo.*

Shippo: I hate when people do that! Stupid Kagura!!

Kagome: Anyways, we ran into Kikyo and then the Author said something about who she was supposed to thank-

Shippo: Was it Cowboy Bebop?! *Kagome nods mutely.* Okay, pay up! *Turns to Miroku, Inu and Kaede and collects bets.*

Kagome: Anyways, Kikyo told the Author to be quiet and-

*GASPETH!! AGAIN!!*

Kagome: And then the Author Lady went crazy and smited, or smote, or something… Kikyo!! And now Kikyo's dead!!

*Surprisingly, everyone, INCLUDING Inu, do the aforementioned happy dance and all of the predicted responses.*

Inu-Yasha: ALRIGHT! I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEE!! BONFIRE!!

Kagome: I brought marshmallows!!

*Everyone YAY!!'s*

*Kirara starts the fire with her tail (why doesn't she do that in the show?? It's fiery!! It could work!) while Kagome takes out the marshmallows and her stereo.*

Kagome: Here are the marshmallows!! Where are the sticks?

Miroku: Right here. *Hands a stick to everyone with hands (sorry Kirara!) and Kagome hands the marshmallows to Sango who distributes them accordingly.*

Inu-Yasha: More marshmallows!

Sango: Fine, here. *Hands Inu the bag… NOT the smartest move. We forgive you, Sango; I have a marshmallow mine in San Jose and another in Guadalupe. There's one on the Galapagos Islands but we haven't found anything in years…*

*Kagome turns on the music and Simple Plan - I'd Do Anything is playing!! Kagome starts dancing like no one's looking and tosses away her marshmallow stick… She already ate the `mallow so it's okay.*

Kagome: *Giggles insanerly!!* I LOVE THIS SONG!! *Grabs Inu's hands and starts dancing with him. Well, swinging him around more like.* Sango, come dance!

*Sango comes and dances and tells-not asks-Miroku to come too.*

Shippo: They're nuts…

*Rin gets up and joins the dancers. The song ends and Sango and Miroku are tried out. They retire to the base of a large tree and eat more marsh-y-mallowsasas. The phone rings.*

~Me~ Hey Velma, what's up? Oh, great! Really? A bulldozer? Okay, thanks! *Hangs up.* MI lent me a back-hoe to dig a grave for Kikyo but I had no way of burying her so they lent me a bulldozer. Continue.

*New song starts (Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl?) and Kagome and Inu resume dancing. Rin decides to sit this one out for some marshmallow-y goodness.*

Rin: *To Kaede:* I think I'll just stay with Milord. Kagome is right, Rin and Sota are too young to love each other.

*Kaede nods. Kagome flops down between Sango and Miroku and Shippo and Kirara where she is joined by Inu the Hotafuffy Hanyou. Inu steals Miroku's marshmallow, payback for the `sticks' and snuggles with Kagome. Miroku and Sango follow suit. (That means they snuggle, Idiot!) Kagome falls asleep in Inu's arms and Sango in Miroku's, who also fell asleep*

Inu-Yasha: Shippo, get off my head.

Credits:

~Thank you, Aeryn for the great ideas which you unknowingly supplied!

~Thank you, Self for staying awake long enough to write this.

Quote:

Okees! I've decided to make this a little more interesting. I'm going to give 2 quotes at the end of each chapter. The first person to tell me (in a review) who said it (the character, NOT the actor!) and what movie or show it's from gets some virtual popcron and a thank you in the credits. If you want a specific name or thank you, please indicate this in the review.

Chapter 5's Movie Quote:

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that, *whooh*, he's gone."

Chapter 5's TV Show Quote:

"Can't even shout, can't even cry, the gentlemen are coming by, looking in windows, knocking on doors, they need to take seven, and they might take yours. Can't call to Mom, can't say a word, you're gonna die a-screaming, but you won't be heard."

Now get a-reviewing!