InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Closet ❯ Rantage ( Chapter 8 )

Rantage

For this chapter, I decided to do something different. I am currently having a parent-induced mental breakdown and am in much the ranting mood. Therefore, instead of me ranting about my problems, we shall see what the characters have on their minds.

Kagome: I'm SICK of having to listen to Inu-Yasha whine about every little thing! How I `sit' him too much; how I `like' Koga; how much he hates his brother; how much he hates having to get the Jewel Shards that `I' lost!!! AND I can't take this whole Hojo thing! I don't like him!! Why is he so stupid?!?! I DO NOT LIKE HOJO!! And school! I HATE school! Why can't I just pick one life or the other?! Responsibility SUCKS.

Inu-Yasha: I hate it when everyone eats all of my sticks and when Kagome `sits' me and when Miroku's a total lech and when Sango gets all emotional over Kohaku and how Kagura has a flying feather and how if we do or say bad anything to the Author Lady she'll smite us and how my dental plan doesn't cover fangs and how my pension couldn't feed a mouse for a day and how I don't even actually get paid and I gotta hand fulla Barbie-

~Me~ I'm not ranting but I am cutting Inu-Yasha off there. It gets rather disturbing… N*Sync?? *Shudders and runs away.*

Sango: I can't stand it that Miroku can't control his `wandering hand' and how he always flirts with other girls even when I'm right there! And Naraku!! I HATE that self-absorbed, egotistical, narcissistic white baboon!! He probably isn't even a he! IT has the practically the same hair as me! HOW female does he have to be before he comes clean?!

Miroku: No complaints here… well, I do wish I could rid myself of this stupid fan girl. *Points to his back. Aeryn is huggling him.* And I want to kill Naraku and make this stupid wind tunnel-air void thing go away. *Whispers.* It really sucks.

Shippo: WHY DON'T I GET FAN GIRLS?!?!

~Me~ We'll leave it here. You don't need to here the rest. It's about plushies… and Britney Spears…

Kirara: MEW!! NYAH MEW MEOOOW!! GRRR MEWR GROWF GROWL ROAR!! HISS HISSSS NYAH MEEEEEEW MEW MEOW!!!! HISS HISS GROWL GRRR! HIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ROOOOOAR!!

*Translation: HEY!! NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT THE DUCK I'M SAYING!! AND THEY ALL FORGET I'M EVEN HERE!! NO ONE GETS MY JOKES BECAUSE ALL I CAN FREAKING SAY IS "MEW"!!!! I DON'T EVEN GET TO SPEAK JAPANESE!! YOU PEOPLE SUCK!!

Myoga: ♪Do do dooldloodlood do do do!♪ *Starts `do'-ing more carnival songs.

~Me~ Uh, Myoga? It's your turn to rant.

Myoga: Eeheeheeheehee… Rant! Stupid word! Y'know what else is a dirty word? Moist. No, think about it, MOY-EEEST!!

~Me~ Let's not touch this one. It's freakier than a blueberry-banana bat in a purple-monkey-dishwasher on Friday afternoon! *Note: these have no explanation…*

Sessoumaru: STOP CALLING ME FLUFFY!!

~Me~ I thought I smited you… Oh well, if at first you don't succeed… smite until the cows come home… which could be forever… I don't have any cows. *Smiles widely!! Re-smites Sessoumaru. Gets attacked by Fluffy fan girls. Smites them all!!*

*Note: no actual fan girls were smited during the filming of this radio broadcast. Thank you for tuning into our website! Channel 53 on your radio dial!*

Kagura: What about the villains? Don't we get to rant?!

~Me~ No! No one cares about you! *Gollum's voice:* You don't have any friends! Nobody likes you! *Normal voice. Singing:* D'oh, the sound you make when smited! Ray, the guy that I just smited! Me, the one who does the smiting! Fa, so far away for smiting! Sew, no thanks I'll stick to smiting! La, la la la la la smiting! Tea, is what I drink when smiting! D'oh, more sound `cause I just smited!

^

The Smiting Song, Inspired by the Twinkie Song

V

The Twinkie Song

Dough, the stuff to make the Twinkies!

Ray, the guy who brings me Twinkies!

Me, the one who eats the Twinkies!

Fa, so far away are Twinkies!

So, go get some me more Twinkies!

La, la la la la la Twinkies!

Tea, no thanks I'll stick to Twinkies!

Dough, more stuff to make my Twinkies!

*Sung to the tune of that song from that movie where it came from… Taught to me by my older sister!

~Me~ Sank you, sank you! *Bows.*

Naraku: MAKE IT STOP!!

~Me~ Quiet, you! Or better yet… SMITE!! SMITE-Y McSMITE SMITE FACE!!!

*Naraku is smited.*

All: YAY!! *Note: italics are only used when it's a rant. Yes, that carnival humming-singing thing Myoga did was a rant…*

~Me~ I feel like smiting…

*All present flee and hide, with the exclusion of myself, of course.*

~Me~ Not you, Stupid! *Goes on randomized smiting spree. No actual smitings were committed.* Oops. I smited Dubya…

~*~UberAuthor~*~ HEY! You weren't supposed to actually smite anyone!!

*All present, with the exclusion of the Authors, scream and look stunned at the appearance of a new Author.*

~*~UberAuthor~*~ I AM THE UBERAUTHOR! PH33R MY R34LITY!!

~Me~ Quiet, you!

*Gaspeths all around!!*

Inu-Yasha: Hey! UberAuthor! Aren't you going to smite Author Lady??

~Me~ Ha! That's hilarious! UberAuthor can't smite me because-

*Godzilla comes and rampages through Feudal Tokyo. It would me way more spectacular and cooler if there were more buildings to crush…*

~*~UberAuthor~*~ Tune in next time for the shocking revelation of my identity!

~Me~ We can't end it here. It's only 4 pages long. On Word anyways.

~*~UberAuthor~*~ MIGOSHMIDARNIT!! I WANTED TO END IT HERE CAUSE IT'D BE REALLY COOL CAUSE IT'D BUILD UP THE SUSPENSE!! AW! YOU SUCK!!

~Me~ I'm really wishing I hadn't made you immune to my smiting powers right now…

~*~UberAuthor~*~ PH33R BY N33D FOR B33R!! 4ND PH33R MY L33T SKILLZ!!

~Me~ Oh, crap. I'm taking you off MegaTokyo. I never should have let you read that…

~*~UberAuthor~*~ ZOMBIES!!

~Me~ Is it too late to quit? *Grabs resume and leaves.*

*UberAuthor bounces around like a pink-flavoured purple moose on a Kentucky afternoon… All are frightened…*

~*~UberAuthor~*~ PH33R MY REALITY!!

Credits:

~Thanks to the creators and owners of MegaTokyo for not suing! I do not own any of the characters, storylines or scripts. Check out their uber-awesome site here: http://www.megatokyo.com/

~Thanks to Aeryn for some of the words and/or phrases used in this chapter, though you had no idea I used them.

~Thanks to Gilmore Girls and Pepper Ann for two of the vury funny quotes used in the fic.

~Thank to Katie for teaching me the Twinkie Song! ;)

~Thanks to Bruce Almighty for the inspiration to make up the word smited and thanks for existing `cause I LOVE the movie!!

Movie Quote:

"Smite me, O Mighty Smitor!!"

*Note: This one's (^) SO easy!!*

TV Show Quotes:

There are 3 quotes this week, just because.

"Oy with the poodles already!"

"-gotta hand fulla Barbie-"

"Y'know what else is a dirty word? Moist. No, think about it, MOY-EEEST!!"

I made the quotes super easy this week! I even mentioned all of the sources! Get guessing! ;) TTFN!