InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Closet ❯ Death by REVENGIFICATION!! ( Chapter 11 )

Death by REVENGIFICATION!!

Hey hey! This chappie is my Revenge Fic! I'm getting revenge on everyone that's made me vury, vury angry lately.

~*~UberAuthor~*~ What `bout me?

Quiet, you. If I get revenge on you that's like getting revenge on myself. Actually, it is. Unless we're separate entities… Are we?

~*~UberAuthor~*~ 5\/\/337! /\/0 R3\/3/\/G3 G377|/\/G 0/\/ /\/\3! 4/\/D D00D, |'/\/\ J|_|57 4 \/0|[3 |/\/ j00r |-|34D… 8|_|7 j00 [0|_|LD G|\/3 /\/\3 4 80DY 0F /\/\Y 0\/\//\/.

Whatever. I don't have the power to give you a body. Well, I might but I just don't care. Anyways, for the purposes of my revenge, Naraku is still alive. Fluffy's still alive, too. It'll make sense later. Also, in this fic, Miroku is my friend Frankie, Rin is my friend Kendra, Kikyo (who is also mysteriously alive) is my friend Sarah T, Sango is my friend Aeryn, Ayame is my friend Joan, Kanna is my friend Kendra's little sister Kaitlynn, and Koga is dead, FOR THIS FIC ONLY. That's right! Dead!! Take THAT Ayame!! (I'm getting revenge on my friends for reasons that I COULD explain, but won't. Also, when Sango and-oops! That would give away some very important … stuff…) Here's the fic!

*The gang is in a bar in Kagome's era (Bob's Bar, to be exact) celebrating the recent death of Naraku. They won't have much to celebrate…*

Shippo: More beer!!

~*~UberAuthor~*~ That's the stuff! 833R!! /\/\0R3 833R, |/\/|<33P3R!!

Bob: I'm a bartender.

~*~UberAuthor~*~ 833R!!

Inu-Yasha: Umm, Miroku, I think you've had enough. *Takes the bottle of alcohol (type unknown) from Miroku and gives it to Bob.* You're really drunk. Do you feel sick?

Miroku: *To a passing waitress.* Will you-*hic*-bear my children? *Gets slapped. Turns back to Inu-Yasha.* I am not-*hic*-drunk. I was merely ha-*hic*-having a drink with Sango.

Sango: You were not. I'm sober.

Kanna: *Slurred.* Pass the beer, Kikyo.

Kikyo: No! It's-*hic*-my-*hic*-beer!

Kanna: Stupid Kikyo…

Kagome: Sango, I'm leaving, want to come?

Sango: Um, do you think it's safe to leave them here drunk? *Points to Shippo, Miroku, Naraku, Ayame, Kanna, Jacken, Rin, Sessoumaru and Kikyo.* They might try to kill each other.

Kagome: You're right. Come on Kohaku, Inu-Yasha. Let's get out of here before the bar fights start.

Inu-Yasha: Um, okay.

Sango: Shouldn't we at least take Shippo?

Kagome: If he's gonna get drunk off his butt, he deserves the major hangover that's sure to follow.

Inu-Yasha: Good point, let's go!

Sango: Wait, how'd Naraku, Kikyo, Kanna, Ayame, Jacken, Rin and Sessoumaru get here? I thought they were dead.

Kagome: Plothole.

*Kagome, Sango, Inu-Yasha and Kirara leave Bob's bar and decide to head to the movies. Meanwhile, back at Bob's…*

Naraku: Pass me the beer or feel my wrath!

~*~UberAuthor~*~ No, my 833R!!

~Me~ Quit it, you don't even drink!

~*~UberAuthor~*~ Hey, I'm trying to start a bar fight here!

~Me~ Y'know, I think you're just my Shoulder Devil. But, wait, then where's my Shoulder Angel? *Looks around for sign of Shoulder Angel.*

~*~UberAuthor~*~ Fine, I admit I am your Shoulder Devil. But I have NO idea what happened to your Shoulder Angel!

*Somewhere in Siberia.*

Shoulder Angel: I'll kill you, Shoulder Devil!

*Back from somewhere in Siberia.*

~Me~ I'll look into that later. I have to get me a bazooka and some rocket launchers. *Goes off to seriously injure someone who's name cannot be given for legal reasons… and `cause she's bigger than me and she'd kick my butt.*

Kanna: More beer!

Miroku: *To Naraku.* Hey Pretty Lady, wanna bear my children?

Naraku: Sure! There's a-*hic*-hotel around the corner.

Miroku: What?! Really? YUSH! Lead on!

Naraku: Alright! I've got the beer!

*Naraku and Miroku go off somewhere down the street.*

Kanna: You, Kitsune, toss the beer. Gimme beer! NOW!

Shippo: Mine! *hic* No beer for you!

Kanna: Fine! Hey, green dude thing! Feel the love, gimme the beer!

Jacken: Hey, Hot-stuff, I hear there's a hotel around here somewhere… Wanna go find it?

Kanna: *Giggles drunkenly.* Alright. But you better bring the beer!

*Jacken escorts Kanna out of the bar for destinations unbeknownst to those left in the bar.*

Ayame: Hey, Bob! More of whatever that was!

*Naraku re-enters the bar minus Miroku and sits down beside Rin.*

Naraku: Hey, what's your name?

Rin: My name is Rin. *hic* You're pretty hot, wanna go somewhere else?

Naraku: Okay.

*Rin and Naraku "leave together", again for places unknown.*

Ayame: *To Sessoumaru.* Heeey, I haven't seen you before. Niiice pelt.

Sessoumaru: Hey, I like your fur. *hic-hic* Wanna find some place a little more… private?

Ayame: Sure. There's a hotel nearby, or so I've heard.

*Sessoumaru and Ayame disappear to somewhere more "private".*

Kikyo: Hey, where'd everybody go? Oh sure! Leave me here all alone!

*Naraku walks in again, still alone.*

Naraku: Hey! Kikyo! What are you doing all alone? Wanna get out of here?

Kikyo: And go where?

Naraku: Um, somewhere else?

Kikyo: Works for me!

*Naraku and Kikyo depart for unknown regions and reasons. Meanwhile, at the movie theatre…*

Inu-Yasha: What the heck was that? And what's a "Gollum"?

Kagome: *Sighs and shakes head.* That was his name.

Sango: Yeah, it made perfect sense to me.

Inu-Yasha: *Mutters.* Shut-up.

Kagome: Come on. Let's go back to my place. The others should show up in the morning.

*Next morning.*

Kagome: Hey, Sango. Wake up. It's time for breakfast.

Sango: *Yawns.* Leave me alone.

Kagome: Whatever, I'll save you some pancakes.

Sango: PANCAKES?! AAAAAAAAAAHH!! *Runs downstairs to claim her pancakes.*

Kagome: …

*Kagome goes to Sota's room and knocks on the door.*

Kagome: Hey, Sota! Inu-Yasha! The pancakes are ready!

*Kagome leaps back in alarm as the door crashes to the floor and Inu-Yasha races down the stairs.*

Inu-Yasha: PANCAKES!! PANCAKES, PANCAKES, PANCAKES, PANCAKES, PANCAKES, PANCAKES!!!

Sota: *Yawns.* What?

*Downstairs:*

Kagome: Shippo, you're back. How do you feel?

Shippo: *Holding his head.* I feel awful!! I'll never drink ever again!! I'm sorry!!

Sango: Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes…

Inu-Yasha: Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes…

Kagome: Well, at least you got home alright. Where's Miroku?

Shippo: I dunno. He went off with Naraku a bit after you left.

Kagome: What?! He could be dead!

Shippo: I don't think so. They were laughing pretty hard.

Sango: You didn't stop them?! What if Naraku was faking it?! What if all he was trying to do was kill Miroku?!

Shippo: Don't flatter him. Naraku's too stupid to come up with something like that. And Miroku's not important enough to be threatened by Naraku.

Sango: What?! I'm gonna KICK-YOUR-

Kagome: Sango! Don't! Shippo was incredibly drunk, it's not his fault!

Sango: *Puts down her weapon.* I guess…

Shippo: Phwew! Thanks, Kagome.

Inu-Yasha: Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes…

*Tp, tp, tp.*

Sango: What was that?

*Tp, tp, tp.*

Kagome: Someone's knocking on the door. *Gets up and opens the door.* Miroku, finally. Where were you? And what happened with Naraku?

Miroku: AAH! Don't mention that name!! That was the most horrible night of my life!! After we got to the hotel, Naraku took off the pelt and-and he-he was wearing a dress!! *Bursts into tears.* It was the most frightening thing I've ever seen! And then, he wanted to play-MAHJONG! It was HORRIBLE!! It lasted for hours!! I was SO BORED!!

Kagome: …

Inu-Yasha: …

Shippo: …

Sango: AW!! My poor Miroku!! *Huggles Miroku.*

Sota: Hey! There's Rin! *Opens the door.* Hey, Rin! What's up?

Rin: Rin is going to barf!! Rin left with Naraku and went to a hotel. When Rin got there, Naraku removed his pelt and he had-he was wearing-he had a-a clown costume on!! Rin was never so scared-or sick-in her entire life! It had a red nose!!

Sota: Rin, are you okay?! *Huggles Rin.*

Ayame: You think THAT was bad? I went with Sessoumaru.

Inu-Yasha: Where the heck did you come from? Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, pancakes…

Ayame: Shut-up. Anyways, after we left Sessoumaru brought me to a store called "Shuhnel" or something-

Kagome: Chanel. It's really famous in the US.

Ayame: Yeah, whatever. Anyways, he dragged me in there and made me sit through a fashion show! He tried on every single article of clothing in the store! It was AWFUL!! HE EVEN PAID THE MANAGER AN EXTRA 7000 YEN TO PLAY BRITNEY SPEARS MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND!! IT'S STILL STUCK IN MY HEAD!!! Worst of all, he wouldn't give me any beer to numb the horrendously tone-deaf screeches of the Britney Spears music!!

*All present "Gaspeth!" in horror at the malevolence and pure evil of Sessoumaru.*

Kanna: That's nothing! I left with Jacken! He brought me to this really cheap hotel gave me 600 yen and then lay down on the bed! Then he started telling me all his problems! He thought I was a psychiatrist! Do you know how disturbingly terrifying it is to hear about Jacken's "unrequited love for his beloved Master Sessoumaru"?!?! DO YOU?!?! I'M GONNA NEED DECADES OF THERAPY TO FORGET THE DETAILS!!!

Kikyo: Okay, my night was worse than any of yours! I went to a club with Naraku!

Kagome: So?

Kikyo: IT WAS A TREKKIE CLUB!! HE WAS WEARING A SKIN-TIGHT CAPTAIN PICARD OUTFIT!!! AAAAAAH!! MY EYES ARE STILL BURNING!!! *Writhes on the floor in physical and mental pain.*

Hojo: My night was the worst.

Inu-Yasha: TETSUSAIGA!!

Kagome: SIT!!

Shippo: Where the heck did you come from?

Hojo: I was working last night. I worked at Bob's Bar, Chanel, the Water Tower Inn down the street from Bob's bar and some Trekkie convention. You people are very messed up. *Leaves.*

Credits:

Note: This chappie has nothing to do with the rest of the fic.

Also note: If the ending doesn't make sense… Well, I won't insult the readers…

~No thanks to anyone! Muwaahaahaahaahaahaa!! Well, to 2 someones yes, but no one shall know who they are.

~Again, no Quote Contest in this chappie.

~*Yawns* ttfn!

~Oh, right. Aeryn, this fic was strictly revenge so next chappie you'll get to do what I promised! ^_~ I luve you!