InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Gods' Opinion ❯ Truth: Side A ( Chapter 27 )

The Gods' Opinion

 

Disclaimer: Almost all characters belong to Takahashi Rumiko.

 

Warning: This is a mature story and I mean that in more than this story only containing sexual situations and bad language. It contains adult themes.

 

Summary: Kagome is trying hard to have a baby. But when things don't work out, she visits the best fertility doctor in the world. She finds her feelings and beliefs challenged as she struggles to hold onto her dreams.

 

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

 

Chapter Twenty and Seven Truth: Track A

 

Kagome, dressed only in a heather grey cotton t-shirt of Inuyasha's, worked in the kitchen whipping up something special for their dinner. Inuyasha was at a conference in Kyoto and was scheduled to be home sometime this evening. She was making his favorite as a welcome home dish that she knew he would appreciate almost as much as her.

 

They had been living together for about seven months now and Kagome had to admit that things couldn't be better, both personally and professionally for the both of them. At the end of the summer, the restaurant celebrated its one year anniversary, marking the end of a successful trial year and the beginning of what was already shaping up to be an even more successful year.

 

She had help from Inuyasha and his clinic. Any business meetings requiring food were either held at KenSen or had food prepared and delivered to the clinic. After much grumbling, complaining and probably a few person threats, Miroku and Sango finally found a way to get Kagome to revamp the clinic's cafeteria, turning it into a cafe that hired students from the cooking school in the same manner at KenSen. And per Inuyasha's suggestion, which surprised everyone that he even had an idea, the café was a place that helped his patients with their diets, serving food and creating menus for healthier lifestyles.

 

Inuyasha had also been lucky. The clinic funded several successful research projects including uterus implantation and working with the professor from Tokyo U on a computer chip that stimulates the natural environment of the womb for eggs that are fertilized and matured in Petri dishes. Many of the medications they used were refined to be better and safer. New tools, the newest technology, the right people, and the clinic was leaping and bounding past its competition as it continued to prove itself the best in the world.

 

For both, personally, life was just peachy. Inuyasha had found a fun woman who he could talk with and trust, as well as a feisty sex machine in and out of bed. Kagome had a whole new out take on life. She found someone she could be honest with for the first time since Souta died.

 

This didn't mean things were perfect. Not that anything could ever be. She learned quickly that he was a jerk about eighty-five percent of the time he opened his mouth. So infuriated she would become with him that she would scream at him and then ignore him, for just a short time.

 

Neither of them could stay mad at each other for too long. And that always lead to really great, powerful makeup sex. Never did she imagine that she'd be in a relationship that she could compare to Eri's. Well, not quite, but she had stories she could share, though she didn't. What happened between her and Inuyasha was between her and Inuyasha and the inanimate objects nearby.

 

As Kagome continued to work on the ramen, she recalled the last time she made his favorite soup dish for him and blushed. It was a half-planned, half-spur of the moment act that left both of them full, and yet, hungry for more.

 

After much protesting by Kagome, she was `forced' to take a vacation from work. The contract she had signed made her obligated to the time off. A part of her itched to call the restaurant and be told about every little detail, but, another part of her found it relaxing, allowing her to focus on other things, like new recipes. But she could only handle two days of a real break from cooking before she had to do something food related. That's when she got that wicked idea.

 

It was a cold January day out, so Kagome choose to make Sapporo-style ramen, the same kind she made when she first saw Inuyasha again after all of those months. Sure he grumbled about how the spices bothered him and that since he was hanyou, he didn't have to depend on heating food up in a way to warm his body. But he had mentioned that it made any moment outside somewhat bearable. She had rolled her eyes at him. He wanted to be tough and at the same time, he just couldn't turn down ramen.

 

Walking into the RE section of the Izayoi Clinic, Kagome felt naked, causing her to shiver as she approached the help desk. She had the strangest feeling that everyone was looking at her and knew that underneath her black pencil skirt, knee high boots, the lavender cashmere cardigan and black wool coat, she really was naked.

 

“Oh, hey Kagome, what can I do for you today?” Saori asked, welcoming her frequent visitor. Inuyasha's success brought more work, so they had to cut back on their lunches. But Kagome found a way around that, calling Saori up and finding dead zones in his scheduling to have a quick bite with him.

 

“Uh, appointment…” Kagome blurted out before quickly gulping. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. She needed to get a grip. “Appointment for Rumiko.”

 

“Ru-miko? Uh, that appointment was actually canceled. I tried calling-wait, you're Rumiko?”

 

“Yeah, I know. Bad me, calling in a fake appointment.”

 

“No, it actually sounds really romantic. Anyway, he had to cancel due to an important phone call. The call isn't supposed to last long, he just didn't know when he was going to receive it and he hates being interrupted during appointments. It'll be okay for you to go ahead.”

 

“Are you sure? Thanks Saori.”

 

It was easy to sneak into his office. Whenever he was on the phone, he tended to turn his chair around so he could look out the window, leaving his back to the door. No matter how careful she tried to be, with his hanyou senses, she was always caught. So, she had to take a different, approach.

 

After closing the door, she locked it, even knowing that he could hear those sounds. She gathered all of the courage she could muster and walked toward his desk, standing there as he talked, putting the ramen down on his desk and waited.

 

Inuyasha wrinkled his nose at the two scents invading his nose. Covering the mouth piece of his phone, he said, “You have the wrong person. I didn't order any soup.”

 

Kagome proudly smirked, stealing Inuyasha's trademark smirk. It had worked. When she had shared this little fantasy of hers with the girls at their last dinner, they were eager to offer any help they could.

 

“It's not you who's going to be eating,” she coyly remarked with a playful tone to her voice.

 

The phone dropped from Inuyasha's hand as he turned around at the sound of his woman talking. She stood there giggling with bright pink cheeks. Scrambling to pick up the phone, he muttered something along the lines of `call later, bye' before slamming the phone back on the receiver.

 

“K-Kagome,” he stammered out as she dropped the coat from her shoulders, revealing her scent and not that of Ayame's. Ayame knew that the toughest thing would to somehow be able to trick Inuyasha's sense of smell and they both got the idea of giving her a cloak of wolf scent.

 

“Lunch time,” she explained to him as she walked around his desk until she was standing next to him. Taking hold of the back of his chair, she turned it so that he faced her. The way his amber eyes stared up at her with this look of wonder was really turning her on. He had no idea what she had planned. She was going to love this.

 

“Oi wench, what the hell are you cooking in here?”

 

Kagome jumped at the sound of Inuyasha's voice bursting into and through her little memory. She dropped a pair of chopsticks she was using into the hot broth, making her unable to retrieve them. She would have to fish them out.

 

“And what are you wearing?”

 

“A shirt,” she smugly replied, shrugging her shoulders. “I just got out of the bath not too long ago. I did our monthly cleaning at the restaurant this morning as we are receiving an inspection in a few days. And I know how much you hate the smell of cleaning chemicals. I do plan on putting on more clothes.”

 

“No,” he quickly shouted, rushing over to her. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he pulled her close to him, burying his nose into her damp hair. He missed her scent. Her missed her. It was so good to be back home.

 

“And I'm cooking ramen,” she finally answered his original question.

 

“Don't lie. That's not the only thing I smelled.”

 

“Pervert.”

 

“What were you thinking about?”

 

“I…I was thinking about the last time I made you ramen…in your office…”

 

A low growl reverberated through his chest, and along her skin. Oh yeah, he hadn't forgotten about that one. His hand slid lower, cupping onto her ass cheek tightly. “I want dessert before dinner,” he demanded huskily as he lifted her up and wrapped her legs around his waist.

 

Kagome laughed out loud as his mouth latched onto her neck, covering the freshly bathed skin with new kisses. “Actually, ramen was going to be your dessert.”

 

They didn't make it to the bedroom. He made it as far as the dining room table before thoroughly ravaging her until she withered about the smooth surface. It was a moment of wanton need for both of them. A scream echoed with a howl, the release, and in the collapse, he flipped her around so that her tiny frame rested on his.

 

She twirled pieces of silver hair around her fingers. “I-“and stopped herself cold.

 

“Mmm?” His hands idly created warm circles along her lower back.

 

“I missed you,” she softly replied. Closing her eyes, she quickly emptied her mind of the words that almost slipped out. Tomorrow she would have to speak with her mother.

 

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

 

After a quick stop at KenSen to delegate more cleaning duties to the staff, she left for the Shrine, relieved to find her mother present. She forgot at times that her mother had a life and wasn't always hanging out at the Shrine.

 

“Sorry I didn't call,” Kagome said the moment after she greeted her mother.

 

“Kagome, you never need to call.”

 

“I should, just in case you are out. I'm glad you are here though, I need to talk to you.”

 

“Talk to me? Come, let's go inside and have some tea. I also made some pork buns.”

 

“Those sound really good.”

 

They walked into the house together, Kagome closing the door behind her. It was odd to be at the Shrine after living with Inuyasha for a little more than half a year. It wasn't long, but it did feel like it. Nothing had been rearranged or anything, but it had an unfamiliar feel, as if she wasn't totally welcomed; that she really was nothing more than a guest.

 

Inside the familiar kitchen, Kagome took her normal seat as her mother went over to get the tea and the warm pork buns. The pork buns started to give her inspiration but she had to let it pass as there were more important matters to be discussed today. Once the tea and pork buns were served, Mama Higurashi took a seat across from her daughter.

 

“How are things?” Mama Higurashi began.

 

“Good. Good.” Kagome was really nervous. More than nervous than she ever felt. She had hoped that her mother's presence would calm her nerves when it did nothing but make her more anxious.

 

“Kagome, you're shaking. Are you sure everything is alright?”

 

“Am I? Oh…I…I don't know if anything is wrong.”

 

“Just start talking dear and we'll figure it out.”

 

“Okay. Last night Inuyasha returned home from a business trip. We…uh…”Kagome blushed as she paused. “We missed each other very very much. Afterwards, I…I almost told him that I loved him.”

 

“What stopped you?”

 

“I can't be in love with him so soon,” she yelled out, slamming her pork bun down on the plate, smashing the delicately cooked dough. “Love takes time, it needs to grow.”

 

“True. Couples in arranged marriages can grow to love each other. Or two people who are good friends will have many years to realize the love they have for one another.”

 

“But…I…I just can't shake these feelings I have for him. What…what does being in love feel like?”

 

“Oh…I don't know if I can tell you that. It's a personal thing. You could be in love with Inuyasha right now at this very moment. Love doesn't follow any schedule. If the feelings you have for him are real and deep, then you truly do love him. Simple as that.”

 

“But with Hojo it was different.”

 

“Hojo is different than Inuyasha, so how you fall in love will be different. How you love won't be the same.”

 

“Well, that's true.”

 

“I too was surprised by the moment I discovered I was in love with your father. I thought I was just elated because of the energy and passion our relationship had. I thought that if the energy died out, so would these so-called feelings of I love I thought I had for him. But it never went away and finally I admitted it to myself. And then I told him. After that, I said as often as I could.”

 

“Do you remember who said it first, you or papa?”

 

“It was me. I'll never forget it. I was so nervous. I was shaking like a shoji door during a typhoon. I remember looking down at the ground, watching my feet instead of looking at him. He asked me what was wrong. And in my head, there was nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing. Then I looked up at him, smiled and told him that I loved him.”

 

“What did he do?” Kagome wondered why she had never asked her mother about this earlier. It was so romantic.

 

“He flung his arms around me and held me close, laughing.”

 

“Laughing? That doesn't seem like the response anyone would want.”

 

“It was a joyous, relieved laugh. He too was scared. He said it back, telling me how brave I was for being able to say it first. Another reason to love me.”

 

“Papa thought you were braver than him?”

 

“To love someone takes courage, and it takes so much more too actually say it. You make yourself completely vulnerable, opening yourself up wide for anything, the good and the bad. I suspected that he loved me, but I had no way of knowing other than my intuition and hopes. What I did know, I told him.”

 

“Wow.”

 

“When he was in the hospital, the head injury caused him to recalled upon random memories and mix them up. He said that Souta made a beautiful miko. And that you needed to lay off the sake and mah jong. However, some memories he recalled so clearly. That was one of them. He laughed at me once again. That same beautiful laugh, and called me the strongest woman he had ever met in his life, you of course, came in a close second.”

 

“Mama…” her saddened voice trailed off. How could her mother recall those mournful memories and still smile? Kagome felt herself to be on the verge of tears.

 

“You see Kagome, even as he was dying, the love we had for each other was still strong, he was able to laugh like that, despite the pain, despite knowing that that was his last moment. I had to laugh with him.”

 

Kagome shook her head. “I don't think Inuyasha and I are like that. He's really given me no indication that he loves me, likes me, yes.”

 

“Inuyasha may be more protective of his feelings that others. He's had a tough life. But, he'll be more open with you once he knows exactly how you feel.”

 

“I guess this is what they mean by putting your heart out on your sleeve.”

 

“You've never been one to shy away from your feelings before. Be yourself. Be the Kagome I know. It's the only way to know for sure.

 

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

 

Kagome nodded to the waiter as he showed her to her table. All of her friends were already there. It was so unlike her to be the last one, especially since the reservations were under her name.

 

“Finally, I'm starving,” Eri moaned, folding her menu shut as she had decided what she was going to eat the moment she walked into the door.

 

“Give Kagome some time to look over the menu, “Ayumi instructed the always rushing Eri.

 

Kagome shook her head. “Actually, it's okay. I know what I want, so if everyone else is ready, we can order. “Having eaten here before gave her that advantage.

 

All of the girls placed their orders before the catching up part of the meal began. It wad been agreed upon that everyone needed a drink signaling the official start of conversation. As soon as Kagome's white wine arrived, the flood gates opened.

 

Ayumi began as she had little to add. She was officially a stay-at-home mother, raising her children the best she could. Plans for a third child were being discussed, but Ayumi wanted them in school first so she didn't have to chase after three little hellions. Let the teachers handle them.

 

Yuka followed with her own tiny tale. She was being promoted at work which mostly meant more responsibilities with not enough pay. Her stay-at-home husband adopted a cat and a few approved hobbies. It seemed he was a natural at water coloring and Yuka enjoyed the idea of him being able to have his thing independent of her.

 

“Kagome, why don't you go next,” Ayame suggest as she didn't want to talk next and knew that Eri was ready to point her finger at the wolf demoness.

 

“I really don't have much to say. There was an inspection by the health department at work the other day. We passed.”

 

Eri rolled her eyes. “You've been living with Inuyasha for half a year now and not once have you shared any juicy or kinky tales of your romps.”

 

“really, there isn't much to say. By being together, we do see more of each other, unless he's out of town.”

 

“But the sex,” the anthropologist-in-training whined. “Where's the sex?”

 

“I already told you that I wouldn't tell you about it.” Panic suddenly ripped though Kagome. She glanced over at Sango. “Unless Inuyasha has been talking to Miroku.”

 

Sango shook her head, replying, “You think that pervert hasn't tried. I bet he's trying to acquire some black market youkai grade sake to loosen Inuyasha's lips.”

 

“There. If Inuyasha isn't talking, then neither am I.”

 

“At least we know now that you're finally getting some,” Eri joked. “Unlike with Hojo who failed miserably as a man.” She missed the hesitant look on Kagome's face.

 

“Hojo…” she breathed the name out.

 

Ayame caught it. “What about Hojo, Kagome?” She was curious. If anything was as wonderful with Inuyasha as Kagome was claiming it was, she'd never had said Hojo's name like that.

 

“Hojo.” Kagome plainly said his name, staring at the pale wine in her glass. “I quickly forgot about him until recently.” She ghost of a smile tugged at her lips before it fell into a frown. “I saw him the other night.”

 

That statement alone was enough to silence the entire table. Kagome felt that I would be best to tell them all about it. “It was a few nights ago, Inuyasha was out of town and the restaurant was really busy, so I went in to help out.”

 

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

 

“Here is your change. I hope you two have a wonderful evening. Thank you.”

 

The elderly couple smiled and nodded at Kagome as they bundled up in their coats, clutching onto their doggie bags. It was a chilly evening, one reason why everyone was filling up the restaurant. Tuesdays were not normally this busy. Kagome really wanted to know what was bringing them in tonight, so she could find a way to repeat it. This was good for business.

 

Taking advantage of a lull, she organized the cash in the drawer and the menus. She didn't work nights anymore as she had Bankotsu take care of the evening shift and closing duties. Rin had taken the night off, having plans with Sesshoumaru, something about skiing. Rin confessed to Kagome that she wasn't into snow and didn't even know how to ski, but that they were staying at some spendy cabin with a fireplace and a hot springs.

 

Kagome rolled her eyes at Rin's excited attitude for her little trip. Speaking of trips, Inuyasha was out of town for a business trip, leaving Kagome able to fill in for Rin. It wasn't like Kagome and Inuyasha never did those things, they had their little romantic interludes, so she allowed Rin to take one for herself. Not that she could've stopped Rin from going. Who wanted a confrontation with Sesshoumaru?

 

Feeling the presence of a customer, Kagome gathered her thoughts and readied her smile as she began her duties as hostess once again. “Hi, welcome to Ken…Sen…” her voice trailed off as the menus she had grabbed fell out of her hand.

 

“Kagome,” the familiar voice said cheerfully, “Hi.”

 

“Hojo,” she said with disbelief. She blinked a couple of times. It really was him. “Uh…hi,” she replied back. Boy she felt really stupid. “How are you?”

 

“Good. I'm doing really well.”

 

“I heard about your drug. Congratulations. I hear it's been really successful.”

 

“Yes, I've been very lucky.”

 

“Not luck. You…you were always working on it, never giving up.”

 

“It was..still is very important to me.”

 

“Of course. Ah, sorry, how rude of me. Here to eat? One?”

 

“Hojo, there you are.”

 

Another familiar sounding voice.

 

Kagome looked in the direction of the person who spoke. Everything stopped for Kagome at that very moment. Walking up to Hojo was a woman Kagome never expected to see ever again in her entire life.

 

“The bathrooms in this place were all filled up. Did you get us a table yet?”

 

“Kikyou, you remember Kagome, don't you?”

 

Kikyou glanced over at Kagome. She eyed the young woman in front of her and sighed. She brushed her hands along her billowy white silk blouse down to where it was tucked into her wide leg trouser pants. Kikyou brushed back her silken straight hair as she looked over at Hojo. “Not really.”

 

“Really? She was the one who was training to become a cook.”

 

Kikyou nodded without breaking out a smile. She turned to Kagome and offered a little grin. “Well, it looks like you're almost there.”

 

Kagome quickly opened her mouth to offer Kikyou a retort or two, but immediately snapped it shut when Kikyou lurched forward, grabbing a hold of her abdomen. Hojo was at her side, his hands on Kikyou's back and over her other hand.

 

“Kikyou? Kikyou honey, are you alright?”

 

Kikyou looked up at Hojo, taking his hand into hers and giving it a good squeeze before patting his hand on her belly. “It's okay…he's awake and very hungry.”

 

Kagome could only watch the scene unfold in front of her as her heart twisted into a painful knot. She clutched onto the menus she had recovered. It was then she noticed the matching wedding bands on their fingers. Hojo had married Kikyou and together they were having a child. Hojo was having a child with Kikyou because he couldn't have one with Kagome.

 

It really was her.

 

“A table for two and a half,” Kagome said with forced enthusiasm.

 

Kikyou shook her head. “No, I'm not feeling well. Anata, let's head home. Your mother said she had made rice and her miso soup for me.”

 

“Sure.” Hojo planted a kiss on her forehead. “Sorry Kagome, looks like we won't be staying.”

 

“Are you okay? Do you need some water?”

 

“No thank you, but I think I'll go talk to my doctor and not a waitress.” Kikyou looked up at Hojo. “Hojo, please…”

 

“Of course,” he said, escorting his pregnant wife out of the restaurant without another word to Kagome.

 

Kagome watched them leave, her heart pounding heavily in her chest as her mind was flooded with not so happy thoughts about how much of a woman she wasn't. She was glad another group of patrons walked in to distract her from what had just happened. There was later to dwell on it.

 

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

 

“So that was that. Nothing was said about me or my leaving him, nothing. A big fat ol' nothing…so yeah…”

 

“Talk about awkward,” Eri sang out as she downed the last of her drink.

 

Ayumi sighed, slightly shaking her head as she smiled. “Of course he had nothing to say. He moved on with his life. Got married, kids. You've moved on too Kagome.”

 

“Are you…jealous?”

 

Kagome didn't immediately acknowledge Sango's question. “At the time I wasn't. I think I was just too shocked by the whole thing.” Kagome glanced down at her lap. “I was lucky Inuyasha wasn't home. Seeing Hojo and Kikyou together like that, I was happy for him that he was able to get past what I did to him, but, I was reminded about the reason why I had to leave. I cried so hard that night. Then I spent the next day cleaning up so he couldn't smell the tears. But…yeah…I am a little jealous.”

 

“He needs to know,” Sango told Kagome firmly. Sango knew about how Kagome liked to keep things to herself so she didn't cause others to feel any negative emotions. Kagome had no plans to ever reveal any of this to Inuyasha. And maybe that was the right idea for now. Neither Inuyasha nor Kagome were secure enough to share those types of topics with each other. But when they reached that point, Kagome had to tell him everything.

 

“I-I can't. At least, not yet. I haven't sorted my feelings out on the matter. I should be happy for him, right? After doing what I did to him, he deserves to be happy. It looked like he was in love with her too. He obviously cares for her. They…they're going to be a family.

 

“Do I even have a right to feel anything? I'm not really sure why I cried. I just couldn't prevent the tears. The next day, after I slept, I was totally fine. Hojo and Kikyou never occupied my mind after that.”

 

“Kagome, how can you torture yourself like this?” Yuka cried out. “How do you know that he didn't search you out and was waiting for that perfect moment to throw this into your face?”

 

“Yuka, Hojo was never like that and you know that.” Kagome knew that she didn't need to defend Hojo. He hadn't changed one bit since high school. That was something that they had all complimented on about him, his stability.

 

Sango leaned toward the center of the table. “How is your relationship with Inuyasha then?”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Just fine?” Sango pressed.

 

“Yeah. Why-why do you ask?” Now she was scared.

 

“Because the reason why you aren't so affected by Hojo and Kikyou as you think you should be is that you moved on, but to add to that, your feelings for Inuyasha are very real and are strong.”

 

Kagome's face burned from the glares of all of her friends. She reached up and tugged at the collar of her shirt. The garment was tight, and - was it getting warmer in here?

 

“Ka-go-me is in love,” Eri squealed out earning smiles from everyone.

 

Kagome gazed down at her lap as her fingers played with the hem of the tablecloth. She blushed hard. “I'm…I'm not so sure about that,” she replied meekly.

 

“You mean…” Sango started to ask but stopped. Somehow she felt like she shouldn't ask. She knew how private of a person Inuyasha was and this was definitely intruding in territory she shouldn't be encroaching on.

 

“I'm just not sure,” Kagome confessed. The conversation with her mother had helped, but she still had those doubts. Something was holding her back from declaring how she truly felt about Inuyasha.

 

“What do you mean?” Ayumi asked, genuinely concerned. Kagome was never one to be so confused about her feelings.

 

“That's what I mean. I think I love him, but, then I start asking myself a ton of questions that I know are pointless and most likely insignificant, but…” she let out a sigh. “I don't know if I'm waiting to hear it from him first.”

 

Sango shook her head sadly. “He won't. That's not Inuyasha.”

 

“I know. Given his past and his trust issues…And maybe this is why I'm so confused. Inuyasha is only forthcoming on a handful of emotions: anger, hunger, and sleep.”

 

Ayame chuckled. He sounded a lot like someone she was married to. Must be general male youkai egos.

 

“Sounds like you are saying you can't love him unless he loves you first,” Sango commented as she flagged down the waiter for a refill of her drink. “Hojo said it first, didn't he?”

 

Kagome nodded. “Yeah, I believe he did.” In fact, she really couldn't remember the first time they shared their `I love you's'. It was just that one day, they were saying to each other.

 

“It's easy to love someone that you want to love and says that they love you,” Sango said with some strain in her voice. “And it's hard to love someone that you're just not so sure about because they haven't said anything to indicate one way or the other.”

 

“Is it wrong to feel like that? Is it wrong to be cautious? A part of me wants to protect myself, guard my heart and then I just want to stand on his balcony and scream it out to all of Tokyo, letting it echo off Fuji-sama that I love him and that's…that's why I'm so afraid.

 

“It's too soon. Right? I…I don't think…no…I-I can't think…”

 

The girls remained silent as Kagome struggled to figure her feelings out. It was hard to watch their friend wrestle with her emotions. Her emotions were so strong, ran so deep, that they knew how hard this was for her. What they all knew but didn't want to voice was that Kagome was madly crazy in love with Inuyasha, even more so than she could realize. Her struggle had to do more with the depths of her feelings rather than her shallow doubts.

 

“I'm sorry. I'm totally putting a damper on our evening. These dinners are supposed to be fun and lighthearted and I'm being way too serious.”

 

“Don't worry about it. We get together because we are friends and this is what friends do. You out of all of us should know better. Think back to everything we've been through. There was all that Kouga-Ayame drama that they put you in the middle of, my feminism, Ayumi's uh…her homemaker pacifism, Eri's sexism and Sango's eh…whatever thingie with Miroku. Why shouldn't we help you?”

 

“There are much better ways to spend a Thursday night than deciphering my feelings,” Kagome offered as her only defense.

 

“I don't think so.”

 

Eri leaned over towards Kagome, “If you really feel bad about it, I'm sure you could make it up to us with those custard-chocolate-coconut bars you made for the New Year's. A dozen for each of us sounds reasonable.”

 

“Are you blackmailing me?”

 

“No. I wouldn't do that. More like trying to help you pay off your guilty conscience for your own sanity because Kami-forbid you ever feel guilty.”

 

“Ooh…a guilty Kagome is a scary Kagome,” Ayumi teased before sipping on some of her water.

 

“You still can't remember that!” Kagome cried out, slamming her hands onto the table.

 

“Remember what?” Sango and Ayame asked in unison. Both shocked by it, they looked at each other and laughed.

 

“First year of secondary school, when Hojo was in his final year, he and another boy both had crushes on Kagome.”

 

“Oh no…” Kagome groaned, sinking deeper into the chair trying to hide.

 

“The other boy was a first year like us, I think, different class though. Poor Kagome, she was nice to both of them, accepting their little gifts and all that. Some would've thought she was two-timing, but not our sweet innocent completely naïve oblivious Kagome.

 

“Nope, she pulled double duty so she wouldn't hurt their feelings,” Yuka said as she recalled a tale from their past when it was just the four of them.

 

“But you ended up with Hojo. The prom,” Sango said remembering what Kagome had told her during their sessions together.

 

“Yes, she went to the dance with Hojo and one reason she agreed was because the other guy was out of town. Eventually, they both found out. Hojo, being the gracious blockhead he is, oh, he was kinda jealous, but not really. He didn't show it if he was and he was.”

 

Eri pointed at Yuka. “He was never jealous, he just thought Kagome was being nice.” She had to correct that tiny misperception.

 

“And the other boy?”

 

Yuka turned to Ayame, motivated to finish the story. “Pledged his undying love to Kagome, asking her to be with him for all of eternity and that meant for each and every single one of their reincarnations at a sumo wrestling match that they had televised on that jumbo television screen downtown.”

 

Kagome shook her head, bringing her hands up to her face to hide her embarrassment. “Oh…so bad…I just went to the library once…once with him to help him with a class and since it was late, we had dinner together. And at dinner, we studied. I was supposed to tutor him afterwards, but it never worked out. I really had no idea he felt like that for me until…oh…why did you guys have to bring that up again?”

 

Ayame glanced at the four old school friends grinning as she asked, “So, where does the guilt part come in?”

 

“Oh right. SO the audience all thought that he and Kagome truly loved each other, not realizing that she had no idea about his feelings and having no feelings for him, Kagome had to turn him down…so- she faked an illness.”

 

Kagome shamefully nodded. “My grandfather…He picked the illness. And out of all of the diseases, he chose scabies.

 

A chorus of `ews' rang out. Kagome just nodded along with them in agreement. It was really disgusting.

 

“Yeah, and he had to describe to anyone who asked how my whole body was infected. Probably the single most embarrassing moment of my life. And yet, I felt so bad because I really had no feelings for him…so I had to say no.”

 

“And you spent the next three months trying to make him feel better about himself. You baked cakes, rolled sushi, created unnamed foods…Oh it was bad.”

 

Sango stared wildly at Kagome, taking in all of this newest info on her friend. That girl really hated to hurt anyone's feelings. This went beyond what she had originally thought. Now she understood Kagome's reluctance to share or do anything that would upset people. It was an admirable trait and a wholly harmful fault.

 

Finally, the rest of the evening went on as usual with Eri being the entertainment during dessert. Kagome's questioning of her feelings of love left her for now. It was a decision she knew she had to make for herself, and it was a decision she knew she had to make soon.

 

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

 

“Fuck.”

 

“Inuyasha…”

 

“What?”

 

Miroku raised his hands up in defense. “Nothing…just…I think it's my turn.”

 

“Keh.” Inuyasha stomped over to his seat and sat down, slouching against the wooden back of the chair. Grabbing the tall thick glass of beer, he slung back a couple of gulps before slamming the glass back down onto the table. “Just go already.”

 

“Take a fuckin' chill pill mutt face. We've got a few hours to kill before they are done,” Kouga explained as he stirred the straw around in his drink - a non-alcoholic kind. He had leaned the hard way that, for him, it was impossible to hide that he had drank alcohol. Being the alpha male he was, he was forced to ask Ayame permission to consume liquor. He had made a mistake a long time ago and this was the result of that tiny mess up.

 

He meeting with Miroku and Inuyasha like this on a monthly basis was a result of pure coincidence. Each of their significant others needed a ride to a restaurant and they all showed up at the same time.

 

Inuyasha grumbled about the fact that they met once a month to most likely talk about each other's sex lives and laugh. Miroku looked as if he was going to cry and Kouga he had no reason to worry. They ended up going to the bar and grill across the street, eating and drinking their way through the wait. When it was time to go, they all ended up agreeing that there was no reason they couldn't be like the women and have their own boy night. Of course, the ladies could never know about it. There was no reason to either. Especially for Inuyasha and Kouga, whose abhorrence for each other was well known among the ladies. Like the girls could ever believe that they were able to coexist peacefully in the same room for more than five minutes.

 

The bar was not far from the Italian restaurant selected for the evening's festivities. It was only recently that Kouga was told where it was they went and he was acting on his best behavior not to ruin this unfettered access to his mate's location. He had convinced her that knowing where she was at was instinctual for him, to protect her and she had to obey, so she did.

 

The boys were involved in a game of darts, a game that right now, Inuyasha was struggling with. Normally, he was very competitive, especially with Kouga around. Tonight, he was the opposite; unfocused, sorely distracted and above all, he was thinking hard. Inuyasha only did thinking about work, and work he only did at the office or at the office in his apartment. And Miroku knew what was going on at work with Inuyasha; the research projects and the lab remodel. He was thinking something else.

 

“Inuyasha, your turn,” Miroku quietly stated, motioning to the darts scattered within the hanyou's reach.

 

“I just went,” he roughly barked back.

 

“You did, on your last turn. Both Kouga and I have already had our turns.”

 

Inuyasha glanced at the two males. Sighing, he grabbed the plastic tipped darts. Taking a peek at the score, his mouth fell open before he snapped it closed, his fangs grinding. That couldn't be right. He was losing…badly - pretty fucking badly. There was at least a one hundred point gap between him and the other two.

 

“What the fuck,” he yelled out at the board. He threw the dart - no aiming - at the circular board, only to watch as it completely missed, adding more fuel to his anger.

 

“Shit,” he huffed, throwing the other two darts with one grabbing a three and the other a five before he marched to his chair and slumped back down in it.

 

“Inuyasha, is there something bothering you?” Miroku cautiously asked, scooting his chair in a direction away from the irate hanyou.

 

“Of course something's bothering dog shit here. He's acting like a total boner. He's not fun.”

 

“Shut your fuckin' trap wolf.”

 

“All bark and no bite,” Kouga teased, dodging a sharp swipe at his head. “And slow.”

 

“I don't have time for you fuckheads.”

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa…sit you mangy ass down.” Kouga had shot up out of his chair in time to grab Inuyasha's shoulder and keep the hanyou seated so he couldn't leave. “Something's up. Spill.”

 

Inuyasha reluctantly sighed, running a trembling clawed hand through his silver bangs. He opened his mouth, but clamped it shut. Males don't talk about this. Men don't talk like girls do. They cuss, drink and beat the crap out of each other, right?

 

“Nothing,” he murmured, avoiding purple and blue glares.

 

“You moping around like a little lost puppy isn't nothing,” Miroku stated with more concern in his voice than he had intended. If Inuyasha knew that they were both worried about him, Inuyasha wouldn't talk.

 

“Is Kagome getting stale in the sack?”

Inuyasha growled at Kouga. “No,” he quickly shot out.

 

“Just curious. There was a time when I wanted to do her, but never did. I've heard that human females can get pretty boring.”

 

Miroku just shrugged his shoulders. He'd never been bored with any of the ones he'd been with, though he was sure Kouga was referring to monogamous relationships. All of them were in one, though Miroku suspected he was the one with the most experience with women.

 

“Then what stinky bug demon crawled up your ass?”

 

“Just…”his voice trailed off as he seriously considered talking about this, out loud. “What's next?”

 

“What's…next…?” Miroku repeated the question somewhat dumbfounded by it.

 

“Yea…we live together, a routine has developed…everything is fine. So, what's next?”

 

“Follow that song `first comes love, then comes marriage…” Kouga suggested more as a joke, chuckling at the absurdity of following the advice of a human children's song.

 

Miroku didn't find it a joke at all. He looked over at Inuyasha and calmly asked, “Do you love Kagome?”

 

Love?

 

He hadn't ever really thought about love. It was such a human thing to worry about. Yet, he was half human. Did that mean he was affected by love completely, or only partially?

 

“Can demons…love?” Inuyasha asked Kouga.

 

Kouga sighed. He actually had to think about it. What was love? He knew the definition of it. But, were his desires to protect his family and friends, his mate's attractiveness and the need to shelter and feed his pack love or instinct? True, not all youkai were like his kind, but, it could be a species trait.

 

“Honestly, I don't know.”

 

“You really don't pay attention to Sango, do you?”

 

“Why? Should I?”

 

“Yes, because she has talked about this. Basically, she says youkai do feel and this makes them capable of love. However, she warned that youkai have an instinct to reproduce that's much stronger than a human's and that drive can be confused for love.”

 

“So…I can love?” Why was he asking that? He had not doubts that he loved his mother. But that was parental love. What he felt for Kagome…that was different…deeper…

 

“You love Kagome and haven't told her yet, but you want to but are afraid to say it without knowing her feelings?”

 

Inuyasha and Miroku both stared wide-eyed at the wolf demon, their blank faces showing none of the surprise they felt. Kouga was either lucky, or a lot smarter than he looked.

 

“Feh,” Inuyasha grumbled at Kouga's dead on analysis.

 

“Can't you…sense it-smell it?”

 

“I'm not really sure Miroku. I think I can…I can sense happiness, sadness, anger…but is that love or just…I just don't get the crazy wench.”

 

“You either tell her or you don't. I know Ayame won't tell me one goddamned thing about what they gossip about. She's fuckin tricky like that. Women.”

 

“Be the strong one Inuyasha.”

 

Inuyasha narrowed his golden eyes at Miroku. “You first.”

 

Miroku sheepishly laughed. “This isn't about Sango and I.”

 

“I forgot, she's the man in your relationship.”

 

“Yes, well, though I have the penis…perhaps that will be a discussion for next month.”

 

Inuyasha understood. “Sucks not knowing.”

 

“Bunch of pansies you humans and hanyou are.”

 

“Fuck that. Bet you didn't have the balls to say it first.”

 

“Whatever mutt-face.”

 

“Want me to ask?” Inuyasha's eyes hinted at something very sinister.

 

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

 

It was one of those nights, a quiet Saturday night, just the two of them, music softly playing in the background as he sat against the side of the bed, reading, dressed in flannel pajama bottoms while she, dressed in one of his t-shirts sat on the bed idly brushing his hair. They were both content like this…almost.

 

Kagome wasn't really paying much attention to what she was doing. The action of brushing his hair became robotic as her mind wandered. She couldn't even tell if she was really brushing his hair or not, though she sometimes caught onto the sensations of his silky strands sliding through her fingers.

 

“Inuyasha?”

 

“Mmm?”

 

“Come up on the bed.”

 

“Just a sec…” he mumbled as he finished the page he was reading. When done, he snapped the borrowed book closed and climbed onto the bed. “So…”

 

“Oh, lay down,” Kagome instructed him as she crawled over to her nightstand. “Eri got me a book.”

 

“Eri…a book? I'm scared now. I didn't know she knew how to read. When did she learn?”

 

Kagome rolled her eyes at his attempt at a joke. “Yes, she is a sex-fiend book worm.”

 

“How about she just gives ya videos instead of books?”

 

Kagome had to shake her head. “You wouldn't like her porn.”

 

“Feh. Why not?”

 

“It's girl porn.”

 

“Lesbians?”

 

“No, not exactly,” she replied shaking her head. “Woman's porn is different. There's sex and a plot.”

 

“The porn Miroku has has a plot.”

 

“One that makes sense?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“That's the difference. Guys like the sex, girls like the build up that comes with the story.” Kagome settled down on the bed with the book Eri had given to her to borrow. “Lay down on your stomach.”

 

Inuyasha reluctantly obeyed. Once he was comfortable, Kagome took hold of all of his hair and gently set if off his back. She sat down on his butt, straddling his sides. Picking up a little plastic bottle, she squirted the oily liquid into her hands, rubbing them together to warm the lotion up.

 

Kagome concentrated on doing the proper moves she had read about in the book Eri passed along. This one wasn't as shocking as the previous ones. This one was more subdued, but the sensuality was there.

 

It was easy to get lost in the rhythmic motions of rubbing and kneading the knotted muscles of his lean, smooth back. Her mind easily made its way into the territory of those thoughts that she didn't want to think about.

 

Like. Lust. Love.

 

I think I love him. But is this just love or just…I don't know. I get so confused. But, most of the time I feel like I really do love him. I can't imagine not being with him, nor can I imagine what it would be like not to even have him as a friend. Those six months were hard.

 

I…I want to love him. I believed that I love him, but why can't I just say it. Why am I so afraid of saying it? My friends say it's because I'm scared that he might not love me back. I think…no…I would break apart if he didn't feel for me what I feel for him.

 

I can say it when I'm alone.

 

I love you Inuyasha.

 

My heart hurts. Is it because I love him too much, or because I haven't told him yet? Do I really need to tell it to his face? Can't I just prove my love to him through my actions? What makes saying it so different than showing it?

 

Anyone can say it without really feeling it? Would he even believe me if I told him? And Inuyasha doesn't really seem like the type of guy that's all into being touchy-feely with his emotions. He is a man of action.

 

Maybe I could somehow analyze his actions? No, I couldn't. I don't have that kind of training. What can I do to somehow convince myself that he has feelings for me? What can I say…

 

“Kagome?”

 

“Eh. What?”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah” She cleared her throat. “Yes. Why?”

 

“You stopped. Thought you fell asleep on me there for a second.”

 

“Oh. Sorry.”

 

Inuyasha turned and sat up such that Kagome was still straddling his legs. “All right, what the hell is going on?” He asked softly.

 

She cast her eyes down onto the bed. “Nothing.”

 

“Bullshit. You've been …distracted for the past two weeks.”

 

“Really, it's nothing, just-“

 

“Don't say it. It's not work. I know it's not work. So what is it then?”

 

“I…” Kagome tried to pull away, but Inuyasha took a tight grip on her arms, rendering her immobile. She couldn't run away now. “I…”

 

“Tell me Kagome.” His voice was soft and desperate.

 

Why is this hard? I feel the urge to just cry, but I'm not sad.

 

“Please.”

 

The soft pleading of his voice hit her hard in her heart. Did he know? No. Sango, none of other friends would've told him. So why…why did it seem like he knew?

 

“I'm scared,” she whispered out, unsure that she even spoke the words at all.

 

“Why?” he asked just as quietly.

 

“Because…” She looked up at him, her stormy eyes searching his golden pools for everything she needed from him. “I-I love you so much, it frightens me.”

 

Inuyasha remained completely still. He stared at her, watching as every single emotion she could feel flashed through her eyes in a second. He matched every one of her emotions with his own, filling up his heart, and if he had one, his soul. Words he never thought he would ever hear were spoken to him by the one person in the world that mattered most to him.

 

His silence, his blank stare, it all unnerved her. She imagined he would be a little shocked by her sudden confession, but this…this was the worst. No reply at all.

 

She turned away to hide the tears she couldn't hold back. When if first dawned on her that she was most likely in love with the hanyou, she told herself that if he allowed it, she would be with him for as long as he wanted her. If this was no though…”You…you don't have to love me back. I…it's too soon. Bad timing. I-“

 

Soft, forceful lips quickly shut her up. Saying those words too so much strength that she had none left. Kagome fell into his warm and welcoming embrace, his arms engulfing her in the security she needed.

 

He loved her. She knew it. The kiss. She could feel it there and in his touch and…she couldn't describe it, but a sixth sense confirmed it. He didn't have to say it, she understood that now. The words itself paled in comparison to the actions and feelings love instilled in each other.

 

They fell over sideways as they decided to show these feelings of love to one another. Inuyasha could feel love, not just instincts. His mother had told him that one day he would find another girl that he would love more than she. Now he had and she loved him back.

 

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

 

Ever since her little confession there was a dramatic change in their relationship. Everything they said or did had more depth and meaning. And they looked different towards each other. Was this the affect love had?

 

It was now Monday. The whole rest of the weekend was a blur. Inuyasha had left for work, leaving Kagome alone to sleep in. She never slept in too late, as she liked to get up and work out. There were meetings for her to attend in the afternoon, but a little extra sleep never hurt anyone.

 

Reluctantly she crawled out of the warm bed so had spent all Sunday in. Stumbling her way into the bathroom, she groaned when the lights flickered on, temporarily burning her still sleepy eyes.

 

Staring at herself in the mirror, she did something she hadn't done since high school; she really looked at herself. Inuyasha had been caught mumbling `beautiful' several times during the night. Normally she would turn away, blushing at his use of such a profound statement.

 

Why can't I see what he sees?

 

Raven locks that he considered soft and lush, she knew them to be stringy and course. She never could do what she wanted with her hair. And in the morning, it was nothing but a horrible mess that took her forever to tame. If it looked wild and free, then that meant she lost the battle.

 

She wasn't gifted with the pale, flawless skin revered by men. As a child, she was a free spirit, always running around the Shrine and the playgrounds. Her darker complexion, dust she couldn't wash off despite her obsession with cleanliness and baths.

 

Her smile, her nose, the shape of her body, the largeness of her butt and things, that tiny flab around her belly button that mocked the number of crunches she forced herself to do, her knobby knees, the way her collarbone jutted out, and…when did her breasts shrink? Like she could afford to lose those. Any smaller and people would mistake her for a high school student.

 

Glancing back at her reflection, she looked at and then into her own eyes. Strange for a Japanese girl to have such light colored eyes. And so wide. She was stuck between shock and surprise.

 

Looking at herself looking like this, it made her feel so…so…Falling onto her hands and knees, Kagome quickly crawled her way in time to the toilet, grateful for once that Inuyasha left the toilet seat up as she coughed and heaved. Foul smelling acidic contents clawed its way up her throat and out of her mouth.

 

Everything from last night came hurling out. Her eyes watered, her throat burned and her body shivered from contact with the cool ceramic flooring. She gripped tightly to the edge of the toilet bowl as her body violently rid itself of whatever it was that was making her sick.

 

Once her body and stomach calmed, Kagome spit several times to rid her mouth of the nasty bile taste in her mouth. Crawling still, she reached out for the hand towel sitting on the sink, wiping away, saliva, and vomit from her lips.

 

Standing up on weak legs, she quickly brushed her teeth. She stripped off the shirt she had worn to bed, and skipping the shower, she dipped herself into the hot water of the bath.

 

As she took several deep breaths to relax, Kagome wondered what it was that was making her sick so suddenly. No one at work was ill and Inuyasha was never sick. Maybe she was the first one to be hit with a bug. The longer she sat in the water, the better she started to feel. When she finally got out of the bath, she was feeling better than fine.

 

The day went on as it would. Whatever it was, it was over with.

 

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

 

But it wasn't.

 

Day after day, she would wake up in a rush to make it to the bathroom before she made a mess in the bedroom. Once her stomach had ejected all of its partially digested contents, she cleaned up and spent the rest of day fine, as if she hadn't been sick at all.

 

After the fourth day of this, she really began to worry that something was really wrong with her. Why was she only ill in the morning, right when she woke up? So sick…in the morning…only in the morning…sick…

 

Kagome gasped. No, it couldn't be. It just couldn't. Carefully scrambling out of the tub, she raced over to her cell phone, dripping water in her wake. She quickly called her gynecologist and made an appointment with her doctor as soon as they could fit her in.

 

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

 

He told himself that he'd never ever come here, even if he was offered items such as untold riches or unobtainable knowledge. However, those untold riches ended being a stubborn, fiery wench that loved women, a woman he couldn't deny and one that was the cause for him standing here now, at this place he'd told himself he'd never go to.

 

He'd never been here before, but knew of it and ignored it as much as he could. So, after today, once he stepped outside the boundary lines, he would make a new promise never to step foot here again.

 

The door opened and Inuyasha's body stiffened at the sight of his glaring and obviously upset brother. Sesshoumaru arched a brow at the presence of his brother's at his clan's estate. The land owned by their father was leased to big businesses, one way the family earned money. The residence of Sesshoumaru Takahashi was the main house, the one he grew up in.

 

Inuyasha had never been welcomed to the estate. When their father married and mated with Izayoi, they opted to live in a smaller place instead of the lavish estate. Once he died, Izayoi continued to raise Inuyasha in their home, never seeking out the place that she should've lived in. Sesshoumaru and the elder council members of their dog clan would never allow a human whore and her hanyou son inside their precious and protected property. Inuyasha knew of the rules. And by standing on his doorstep, he was breaking that little rule. He was curious as to why Inuyasha would do such a thing. Curiosity killed the cat, but never the dog.

 

“I want my mom's stuff,” Inuyasha just came out with it. He wanted to make this trip as quick as possible.

 

“Why?”

 

“I don't have to tell you why asshole.”

 

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes even more at the hanyou. “I require an explanation, one that properly describes your reasoning for disturbing me and demanding for items which are in my possession.”

 

“They are rightfully mine. Pop gave them to my mother, not you or your mom,” he yelled out at his brother as his youkai flamed with anger.

 

“These things you speak of were returned to the house to which they belong. Father may have them to Izayoi, but he did so without consulting the other members of the clan, so once the weak human died, they were returned.”

 

“Fuck politics. You stole them from her only hours after her soul left her body you grave robber.”

 

“You have no need for such worthless trinkets.”

 

“I do,” he gritted out, trying to keep his youkai at bay.

 

“Oh. And what reason would you, a lowly hanyou have for a woman's necklace? Cross-dressing?”

 

“No,” he barked out. “It's…it's not for me.”

 

“The fan? The comb? The wooden box? The wedding gifts father gave to Izayoi.”

 

“I know what they are. You have no fuckin' right to them to begin with.” He was reading to just try to take his brother out right here. Damn everything, he didn't care right now.

 

“They are all sacred pieces handed down from one generation to the next for as long as our clan as ruled over the Western lands. I am the only member of this generation, therefore, I have all the rights I need.”

 

“Only if you plan on getting hitched.”

 

“So, you have read our laws. Then you know that you have no right to them unless you plan on getting married.”

 

“I am.” His voice was firm, strong and held conviction.

 

“You truly plan on cursing that human female?”

 

“Why do you fuckin' care?”

 

“You love her?”

 

“What do you know about love? I thought full-blooded youkai didn't feel.”

 

“I am not an animal. And unlike humans, I have control over my emotions. Besides, don't you have father's blood flowing through you?”

 

Inuyasha was shocked by Sesshoumaru's question as it had much more meaning that what he had asked. He stood there frozen unsure of how to respond. Should he answer the real question or the one underlying it?

 

“If what I saw between him and Izayoi was real, then he was indeed strong in all aspects of life.” Sesshoumaru sighed, though it went by unnoticed by Inuyasha. “You plan on marrying her?”

 

Inuyasha nodded. “I love her with my entire being, all my strength will be hers. My mother spoke volumes about dad's unconditional love for her and me. It's how I've been guided by him to be the best mate I can.”

 

Sesshoumaru felt the truth in his brother's words. He hadn't been taught about love from anyone, even his father. He was raised privileged, the best of the best for the purposes of making him to be the best of the best, and yet, it was Inuyasha who had learned the best of their father had to teach them.

 

Sesshoumaru slammed the door shut. Inuyasha growled, stopping to sigh. Guess he would have to go out and buy a ring or something. The one instance when he had thought about getting married, he saw himself giving his mate the items his mother cherished. She said that she would give them to him to give to her future daughter-in-law when the time was right. But she died. Sesshoumaru was an asshole. And Kagome deserved more than what he could offer her. It was time to go back home.

 

As he turned to leave, the door opened. Sesshoumaru had returned with the hand carved wooden jewelry box in his hand. He tossed it at the hanyou before slamming the door shut once again. Inuyasha easily caught it. He ran his fingers across the carvings of sakura blossoms. Once he had touched it, when his mother showed it to him as a little boy.

 

The jewelry box was not a family heirloom, but something his father made specifically for his mother. The tree was the tree he had set up a picnic underneath the day he proposed to her. It was the same tree he used to run under during hanami.

 

The contents of the jewelry box were just as special as the box itself. Inside was a pearl necklace, hand crafted from the pearls of the best youkai oysters, the traditional fan a woman would hide the sleeve of her wedding kimono. The fan itself was weaved from the strands of youkai silkworms with the family crest woven into the bright red fabric. The wooden form of the fan came from the same tree that provided the scabbards to the family swords. And finally, the hair comb. It was made with the finest jade, supposedly given to Fushinrei by Saiginrou, the mythical originators of their clan.

 

With the wooden box in hand, he almost had everything he needed, lastly, he just had to figure out how and when he was going to ask her to be both his wife and mate.

 

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

 

Kagome sat on the papered examination table, her legs swinging quickly as her fingers fiddle in her lap. She examined the calming blue walls as she tried to patiently wait for her doctor to return. Why did nurses make them wait so long for the doctor? It only served to add more anxiety to the already nerve-wrecking experience.

 

When the door opened, Kagome ceased her movements and smiled. The door closed and the doctor sat down in the wheeled chair. Kagome watched as the doctor opened her chart and read over whatever information they had about her. She was curious to what that chart said about her, and the results of her tests.

 

Kagome had come in last week to undergo a blood draw and also provided them with a urine sample. The results had come in yesterday, and today her doctor was finally going to be able to explain what was going on with her. She did her best not to think about the possible outcome of her tests by focusing on work and keeping up with her boyfriend. That hanyou energy was hard to keep up with, though it did help her sleep soundly at night.

 

“Morning sickness?”

 

Kagome was startled by the question. “Uh, maybe…It seemed to be the only reasonable explanation. I'm only sick in the morning.”

 

“When was the date of your last cycle?”

 

“About a month ago, I think, give or take a few days.”

 

“And ye are sexually active?”

 

Kagome nodded her head. “Yes.” Wasn't that why she was here? Kagome looked around the room, searching for the heater. It had suddenly become hot in the room.

 

“How often?”

 

Kagome turned red. Yep, it was getting hot in here. “I don't know…three, four times a week.” Why did she feel that a number that high made her a bad woman? And why all of the questions? She was either pregnant or not. “Um…Kaede…”

 

“Now child, I'm just being thorough. Okay, let's go through the history on ye. After your last attempt with in-vitro your body was an absolute mess with all of the drugs so I put ye on hormonal supplements to regulate your cycle and your overall body.”

 

“Yes, birth control.”

 

Kaede shook her head. “No child, I never prescribed ye birth control. The pills I gave thee are similar to birth control, however, the intention of the pill was to level out your hormone levels to be more natural. They were much to weak to prevent pregnancy.”

 

“What? You mean…this whole time…”

 

“Aye. I apologize. I did not intend for ye to believe that the medicine was an actual contraceptive.”

 

Kagome shook her head. “Maybe I just wasn't paying attention. I heard hormone and pills and…yeah…stupid me.” Kagome sighed. So she knew she wasn't good with the science stuff, but that might have been a good thing after all. “So, am I pregnant or not?”

 

“Such a rush.” Kaede flipped to another page in Kagome's file and glanced at all of the results one final time before sharing the news with Kagome.

 

“It's strange…” Kagome began, her mind drifting as she waited to hear the results. “I was so preoccupied with having to have a child with Hojo and we couldn't. And then with Inuyasha, I didn't dwell on the matter at all. I've just been taking things one day at a time. Mostly trying to figure Inuyasha out. He's such a complex man…”

 

Kaede looked at over Kagome. “Inuyasha told ye that he wanted a family?”

 

Kagome nodded her head. “Yeah. It wasn't like we sat down and planned things out. We were out for a walk and we ended up at the park. Some mothers were there with their children and one of them was acting up. They boy's mother was trying to gently talk her son out of his tantrum and it just wasn't working.

 

“That's when Inuyasha made a moment about how our children would be much better behaved. I think I just nodded my head, agreeing with him, but there hasn't been any type of real discussion on the matter. So, I can only really guess. But the fact that he made the comment is enough.”

 

Kaede turned back to the paper's in Kagome's file. She knew Inuyasha's position on marriage and family - he wanted it all. He wanted to be the father he never had and be with a woman who would be his friend, his wife, his mate and the mother of his pups. He was, like most males, looking for a woman who was similar to his own mother. From what she knew of Izayoi, Kagome was the one.

 

“Are ye ready?”

 

Kagome shrugged her shoulders. “I guess.”

 

“From what ye told me, neither you nor Inuyasha were actually planning for a child?”

 

Kagome's heart lurched up into her throat. “No, not really…or at all…” Kagome swallowed hard.

 

“They ye are safe. Ye are not pregnant.”

 

“Not…pregnant.” How many times had she heard those words? Seen the evidence? Felt the pain?

 

“The cause of ye illness was nothing more than the change of hormone dosage in the pills. Your levels are finally normalizing out to what they were before you started the in-vitro and…”she stopped when she heard the sobs.

 

Kagome was a sad sight. For so long she had tired, over and over again, to be with child, only to fail each and every time. It was growing more difficult to pick up the pieces of her shattered and put them back together. Even though she hadn't been actively planning to get pregnant, the dream was always there.

 

“Sorry…I don't mean to cry…I-I thought I was prepared for another no. I've heard it so many times before. But…what's wrong with me? Why can't I do the one thing I'm supposed to do.”

 

Kaede closed her good eye and shook her head gently. Poor girl. This was hard to watch. Still, she had to be professional, yet gentle. “There are still many things beyond us and our abilities as doctors. We cannot have all of the answers child. That is left to the higher powers. It'd be the gods' opinion that you cannot have children, perhaps because they have something else planned for ye.”

 

Kagome did not want to hear that. Truth or not, it crushed her soul to hear such hurtful words. To know that….Kagome pushed herself off the examination table. She sucked in the last of her sobs.

 

“Thank you. I…I needed to hear it. No one has every come out and told me that I'm…”

 

“Kagome child…”

 

“I'm fine. I mean, I will be. Is that it then?”

 

“Yes, unless ye have anymore questions.”

 

“No.”

 

“Then I wish ye farewell.”

 

Kagome just left. This time, instead of walking out, she felt like running away. The need to escape the fate dealt to her was so strong. Why her? What had she done? Wasn't she born as a female to breed? Well, she didn't mean it quite like that. Yuka would smack her for thinking such a statement. Not a very feminist belief. Eri though would agree with her. Biologically, she was created, built and primed to carry a child, but, no, there was something wrong with her. A flaw…a mistake…

 

Broken.

 

She was a defective product. A deceit to her family, to Inuyasha. She was nothing but a lie. Women were tricksters. She would never be able to give Inuyasha what his heart and soul desired most. And she wanted to burn in hell for even thinking that she could give him everything.

 

Since she wasn't going to die anytime soon, she would do the next best thing…her own personal hell. Whatever these gods' had planned for her, she would do it knowing it would ruin the life she wanted. No one ever got what they wanted. That was the harsh reality of living. Inuyasha had known it from a young age when his mother and father both died and his brother had wanted nothing to do with him. She should've learned after the death of her father, grandfather and brother.

 

She had to learn her lesson the hard way. Kagome pulled out her cell phone and looked at the time. There was some grocery shopping to be done. Inuyasha was going to be home a little early tonight. It was time to start learning.

 

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

 

roshully's note: Two more chapters left. I've already started writing out Chapter 28, so, we'll see. I'm still moving into my house. I have most everything unpacked. But there are a lot of repairs and remodeling type stuff to do, so I am busy doing that.

 

Notes: If you find anything that I need to explain, add it here. I think I might have to explain a little about hormones, though I think I did what I needed to within the context of the story.

 

I really don't know what I could say about the whole love part. There is this whole thing about whether or not demons can actually love or if it's instinct. Kouga is saying its more instinct, yet Sesshoumaru says that they can feel emotions, despite the fact that he has no humanity within him. It's that as a demon, he can control his emotions versus someone like Inuyasha, who with his half humanity in him, cannot. There is a whole ton of philosophy on love and I didn't want to get too deep into it.

 

Autumn the Reviewer - I love my beta too. She makes me seem like a much better writer. She'll deny it, but, yeah. We are a team. Sex is a plunge and you can't half-ass it. Not if you're serious about it and Kagome is one of those that, if she's going to do anything, it's all or nothing. The lemon…yeah…it was hard, but I'm glad you thought it was tasteful. I didn't need it to be some kind of quickie. I was going for a balance between sensual, sexual, erotic, primal, lusty and lovely and yeah…I am still thinking about doing some original writing. Mostly likely, when I'm finished with this, because this is what I think about when I think. Thanks.

 

Miss Marilyn69 - Sex is about letting go. I think that was something I really wanted to show in this chapter. That you can talk yourself up for anything, but there is really a difference between talking the talk and actually walking the talk (and yes, I meant what I typed). Inuyasha was just as nervous too, but, he is the type of guy that's pretty sure of himself, so, he wasn't like Kagome in that regard. Tribe? Which tribe is that? Is Arizona warm? It's so cold here now. They are predicting snow for tomorrow. I like to see snow, but I don't like to drive, walk, feel it. Too cold for my tastes, but, I love my state.

 

axel720 - Actually, yes, most of my reviews contained the phrase `about time'. Eh, it happens when it happens. If I rushed it, then Kagome would have all of these lingering doubts and sometimes I just don't think she's the type of person to totally rush into something like that. She eventually came back to Inuyasha (in the anime/manga) and promised to be by his side after she went home and thought about it. So, she's a serious person when she puts her mind to it. It's all in the details they say…Sometimes I don't even know what I write. I told my beta that if it seems too wordy, let me know, but, like you, she doesn't want to do anything that will change the writing style. I guess it works.

 

unistar - In this newest chapter (27), it is not mating season. Way too early in their relationship for that…three months of dating…yeah…too soon. More to come though.

 

Sunekai - Yes, IT has happened. Kagome is approaching her relationship with Inuyasha much differently with Hojo, and that is one of the fears she has, she doesn't want it to end up like another Hojo thing, hence the asking of all of the questions to her girlfriends. It's the chef in her. Hojo was a bad meal, so she wanted to find ways to improve it for the next one. Maybe that's a bad analogy. The moving in thing was quick, really spur-of-the-moment, but, I think it was realistic for them. Inuyasha had been thinking about it for a while, the nights she stayed over at the Shrine, and he figured `why not'. Inuyasha can be impulsive.

 

Drake Clawfang - Thank you so much for your awesome review. I try my best, but, it is and will always be a work in progress. I hope to hear from you again.

 

Sasha_Inu - Quality over quantity…more like its all about time, for me. And then when I get to writing, I don't realize how much I've written until I type it out. It just happens that I get a lot of stuff written out. At least I can keep up with the once a month thing.

 

pick me pick me! - I like cute. Many thanks.

 

InuAngelInuDevil - Hot is good. I like hot.

 

inuyashaloverr - Awesome is my new favorite word at the moment and anytime anybody says anything to me, my first response is `awesome'. I really made Kagome into this rational being, and even in the anime/manga, she is more rational than the others just because she doesn't have a personal involvement with Naraku other than wanting to defeat Naraku for his evilness and hurting her friends. So, I borrowed that element from the anime/manga and did the whole round of questioning her girlfriends. I've read questions in magazine articles about the type of questions girls have about what the first time is going to be like. But since this isn't exactly Kagome's first time, I had to change a few of the questions. Questions like the ones Kagome asked are asked all of the time. Fear and everything can just disappear when the moment is right and it's meant to be. That's how it all comes together. So romanticals…

 

cwillia - *bows several times* thank you. Thank you. I did my best. It had to be because of the wait and everything that has happened between them. It had to be as perfect as I could write it. I was scared that I couldn't find the balance between describing the physical actions of the sex versus the emotions and feelings they were both feeling. I've read some lemons that are nothing by the act itself and then others can get lost in all of these ridiculous metaphors that you forget what it was the couple was doing. But I'm glad that you found it well written enough to read it twice. Thank you.

 

angelica incarnate - Snow. We get snow tomorrow. At least that is what they are forecasting. Sometimes it feels like global warming is real and then, when it gets as cold as it is getting, you have to wonder if global warming is at all possible. I spent a lot of time trying to make this as realistic and possible. That is an important factor for me when writing this fiction. And then I have to try to add in the elements of Inuyasha being hanyou and still make it realistic. The extra work I force upon myself. Thank you.

 

Eve_Dallas - I don't plan on ever quitting writing for as long as I have this crazy imagination that I have. A curse and a blessing it is. Two chapters left after this one and then I will go onto one of the other Inu ideas I have.

 

Totally Kawaii - After reading your comment I had to go back and reread my story to find that exact answer. It's mentioned in Chapter 1 when Hojo makes the first appointment with Inuyasha and he explains why he and Kagome are not married. Hojo tells Inuyasha that Kagome's grandfather and brother died in a car accident. Kagome talks about Souta's death with Sango, she then talks to Souta at their family grave sight later on in the chapter as she contemplates leaving Hojo, and there are other references too, the chapter where Kouga and Inuyasha first meet. It's a major plot point in the story that I bring up often.

 

Ethereal Siren - Thank you for finding my story and giving it a chance. After this chapter, only two more left…I think…yeah, two left. So we're coming down the final stretch. Thanks.

 

Chase65 - I wanted the lemon to be as perfect as I could make it. With all of the positive responses I've gotten for it, I did okay. Hojo…and sex…well, I know a lot of very religious type people where sex is seen only as an act of procreation. And that's cool. Some of these people feel that the body parts involved in sex are dirty, and so, when possible, you don't want to look at dirty things, hence, sex in the dark. The term for these types of people are called `breeders' because well, sex is just for breeding, not an act that brings two people closer together, to fulfill this emptiness one feels and so on. I can see Hojo, being the polite, good boy he is, raised to believe that only role sex has is for baby making. A lot of people have sexual relationships like that because sex is so taboo, and religions are partially to blame for that. I will end that there because I know that a statement like that can cause issues. But who doesn't love a good argument. On my LiveJournal, I've posted some recipes with chicken and lemons as their main ingredients if you can't get enough lemons. Props for my beta.

 

December Love 05 - You can use lemons as an ingredient during any time of the year. Lemonade in the summer to cool off, chicken stews with lemon sauce to warm up in the winter, yum yum. Good luck with your contest. Pastry chef is one of the more difficult tracks to pursue. So double props for that. When you get your recipe created, share it. I love trying out new things too.

 

u ignorant fools - I'm sure everyone had their little squeal of joy for this chapter. The Japanese were heavily influenced by the Chinese until the Japanese period of isolation when they really made everything that they borrowed from the Chinese into their own. I went to Mexico a few years ago a trip with my Spanish class and we did this home stay program. The house I lived in was like that too. The bathroom was all tile and there was this step down in the floor that had the drain for the shower, no bathtub and no shower curtain. I don't ever recall seeing a bathtub at any of the motels we stayed at, but that was so long ago. Have a good time in China. I want to go there one day, after my trip to Japan. I'm saving my coins up.

 

Thanks to the readers too. There are two chapters left, 28 and 29. As a mathie type person, I wanted to end this with a prime number. Stupid reason for dictating chapter amounts, but it helped me outline everything and now that I have last chapter set in stone, I don't think I could add anything more to what I have. So, I'll be spending a lot of time writing.

 

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving for those of you that celebrate it. Even if you don't, give thanks to anyone who has made your life special. I'll give thanks to Takahashi-sensei for letting us play with Inuyasha like I have.