InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Pages of My Life ❯ Your True Self ( Chapter 11 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

A/N: Hey everybody if you haven't already read from my other author's note I'm having A LOT of computer problems right now, to put it in a nutshell. So sorry for the delays, I lost all the work I had done and had to rewrite every word of this chapter. cry But I'm finally done! And it's the longer one I promised! I'm sorry if it's a bit rough around the edges, the computer I'm borrowing to write doesn't have word, and I've literally been emailing myself bits of chapters whenever I find a computer haha. Hopefully mine will be fixed this weekend though, fingers crossed Because of all this no reviewer thank you's this time, I'm sure you'd rather have me post this a day earlier than thank everyone one by one. But thank you very much to everyone who's been reading and reviewing! It means more to me than you could ever dream it really does, and it encourages me to keep going particularly during such difficult...grumble times. Huggles to everyone! Until the next update. Ja! Laurell~

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I chewed on my lip, my eyes locked on the cell phone in my hand. The dials glowed brightly even in the well lit office. I quickly shoved the phone back into my pocket right as Miroku rounded the corner.

"Hey Inu wanna head out to lunch with me?" He rested against the door frame hands in his pockets giving me one of his grins.

"Sure." Today marked the end of my first week at the bank and besides the Kagome incident on Tuesday it had been fairly uneventful. Miroku chattered away about his weekend plans as the elevator ascended up to the twelfth floor. Zoning in and out while he was bragging about a date he had that night the doors opened with a bell.

"Hey, Inu? Hello?" He waved his hand in front of my face; I blinked then mumbled "Sorry." As we stepped out the doors. The food court was filled with people wearing dressy outfits. Heels clicked all over the tile floors echoing around all the voices and cell phones.

"So what's going on with you anyway? I don't know you that well but you seem even quieter than usual, if that's even possible." Miroku remarked as we went to stand in line for one of the counters to the handful of cramped restaurants crowded in the place. I shot him a quick glare quieting him for the moment while we waited.

After getting our food and sitting down at a table next to one of the many windows that composed the wall, I rested my chin in the palm of my hand staring outside. From this height the horizon only included the other sky scrapers, punched like scattered chess pieces near the ending moves of a game through the busy downtown grid work streets. I wondered how thick the glass was standing between me and the sky beyond the buildings.

When I came to, Miroku was still staring at me expecting a response. He could read people fairly well I'll give him that much credit. It was wise for him not to ask me again, maybe that's why I actually told the truth, I don't know.

"If you must know so badly, I was wondering about that girl..."

"Still?" He asked with wide eyes as he took a giant bite of his burger. "Did you ever get to talk to her?"

"Yea, I had to go back the next day...we talked..." I thought about finding her ex hungering over like a wolf with a blood lust and what might have happened if I didn't come in when I did. That look of terror in her eyes...it was horrible. I had never wanted to see that look on another girl's face again in my life...and never on a face as beautiful as Kagome's. At least I didn't cause it this time I thought bitterly. Then shut my eyes tight pushing back the awful memories threatening to surface.

Opening my eyes I was relieved to see Miroku had been too busy giving me advice and chewing to notice my moment of weakness.

"If it's bothering you so much go see her again."

"Can't, she was released on Wednesday." And I hadn't stopped thinking about her since my run that night. A lock of my black hair fell forward as I picked up my sand which. I flicked it behind my ear taking a small tester bite.

"Well I guess you're shit out of luck." He said with a chuckle before finishing his burger.

"Actually..." I said after swallowing. "I have her number."

Early this morning, I had been talking with that Eri desk girl at Kagome's C.P.A. Office. She was cute I guess but not my type at all, too cheerful. But she always said a little something about how Kagome was doing, and like the fool I was, I hung on every word.

"She sounded so sad last night...I dunno she's such a quiet girl. Real nice and sweet but she doesn't have many friends. She used to have a bunch and a great boyfriend, but she dumped him suddenly awhile ago and never said why. I figured he cheated on her or something and she was too mad to talk about it." She twirled a pen between her fingers looking absentmindedly down towards the stack of papers on her desk. If you only knew the half of it, I thought while only nodding silently. The way she had said great boyfriend made me feel like something inside me was burning.

"She stopped hanging out with everyone after that...I really shouldn't be telling you all this but...I really like Kagome. I wish I could see her happy again." She smiled warmly holding out the bag for me.

"Yea..." I said dumbly for lack of anything better. "Me too."

"Well, have a good weekend Inuyasha!"

"You too." She smiled at me a little stranger this time watching me walk out the door.

I delivered the bags to the head teller for processing waiting for her to give me the ok leaning against the cold marble counter. Everything in this building was cold, clean and efficient like some sort of machine. Marble or glass was never more than an arm's length away from any given spot in the entire structure. The teller cleared her throat politely making me look up.

"I think this is yours..." She said with amusement sliding a piece of paper toward me. I opened it and my cheeks flushed with color. Inside in cute girlie handwriting was the name Kagome with ten digits underneath.

"If you have her number why are you talking to me right now instead of her!" Miroku demanded snapping me back into the present.

"I dunno I feel strange calling her out of the blue. I don't want her to think I'm some sort of deranged stalker."

"Are you kidding? Girl's love that stuff. Besides what have you got to lose?" I stared at Miroku for a moment.

"I think that's the smartest thing you've said all week." And I smiled for the first time today when he cocked his head in confusion.

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Groaning I sat up in bed. My eye lids even felt stiff I had been so lazy lately. The pounding head ache with the help of the meds had finally faded into a dull throbbing at the base of my head. It was bearable but reminded me of the annoying feed back at concerts kind of.

'You know those things you went to when you were alive'. Great I thought grimly. Who needs enemies when my subconscious can insult me!

I had been in bed for only three days out of the week I was recommended and I already felt insane with restlessness. The painkillers I was on made driving impossible though so I didn't have any options besides my bedroom. Flipping through channels while fading in and out of being awake, I felt like I was stuck in some horrible time warp. The meds making everything fuzzy around the edges wasn't helping my attitude which was unusually pretty depressed to begin with too. What's happening to me? I closed my eyes sadly but was so sick of looking at the back of my eyelids by now.

I was thinking too much...I just had too much time to myself that was all. It always happened when I was alone for too long my thoughts turned against me. I need to consume myself in something...

Looking around quickly before I could do anymore damage to myself I picked up my cell phone hanging out of my purse. I wonder how everyone back home is? For a moment I thought about calling but I knew the minute I heard my mother's voice I'd loose it. I couldn't admit my failure to her, not after how hard she had worked to send me here. If she knew how upset I was she'd convince me to come home...I just couldn't run home with my tail between my legs. I'd never forgive myself even after everyone else did. Grandpa had warned me but I was so certain I'd love it here, and I'd be able to handle it...Paying my bills, I managed that, but everything else was the problem. It felt like I wasn't even alive anymore...the only thing I did feel still was the heaviness growing inside me. Ever present, weighing me down and threatening to devour me.

Please...I pleaded to myself tears stinging my eyes as I stared down at my hands, the phone was still was clasped between them. Please...someone help...someone care, anyone?

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I carried Miroku's words with me the rest of the day. Going through hundreds of conversations in my head while walking through the crowded streets delivering to our partner banks. A car honked angrily when I took too long crossing the street in my dazed state. I waved jogging the rest of the way across.

Staring down at my cell phone I dialed her number for the third time, leaning back in my chair in the empty office. Miroku was out in the building somewhere, the other guy's still finishing their deliveries and Willie had left early. I was determined; this was the perfect time, now or never. Finally I pressed call and didn't hang up this time. It rang twice before she answered fashionable late. Hearing her voice my pulse pounded even harder. I tried to sit up too fast and the chair snapped up practically throwing me forward.

"Hello?" I realized she had asked twice, my voice still felt a thousand miles away.

"Hey!" I finally stammered mentally slapping myself in the head.

"Hi..."

"Sorry! I didn't hear you at first. This is Inuyasha um the guy from..before..." I winced from the lack of a better description. 'You know the guy that caused you to get a concussion the other day then kicked your ex's ass.' I thought sarcastically.

"Oh, hi...How did you get my number?"

"Eri gave it to me actually, I didn't ask for it!" I quickly stammered trying not to sound crazy but probably sounding worse for bringing it up at all. "She left it for me today, so uh yea."

"Oh, ok. Well what's up?" She didn't sound mad, I was thankful for that. All the things I had practiced saying flew out the window.

"I wanted to see how you were feeling. Are you doing ok?" That'll work.

"Well as good as I can be I guess. I'm feeling better, just tired of being stuck home." She chuckled a bit and my heart soared. I shook my head feeling stupid for getting so worked up over a laugh. Get control, she's just a girl-Before I even finished thinking it, the back of my mind nagged me because I knew she wasn't just another girl. That became painfully obvious since the first moment I saw her. It wasn't often I acted like this because of women but it had happened...once before.

Well how would you like some company? I'm getting off work in a couple minutes and I'm still pretty new to this city...I'll drive and you can play tour guide? We can get you some soup if you want. What do you think?" I could feel her smiling on the other line practically. She giggled lightly.

"That...sounds nice Inuyasha. Could I have some time to get ready? Maybe an hour?"

"Yea, I'm guaranteed to get lost at least once so that shouldn't be a problem." She laughed again before giving me the directions which I scribbled down on a sticky note nearby. After saying I'd see her soon we hung up and a grin wouldn't leave my face. Suddenly a loud whistle caused me to whirl around almost falling out of my chair yet again. My worst fears were confirmed standing in the doorway. Miroku clapped loudly walking in.

"Good Job Inu! That was smooth near the end!" I groaned leaning my face into my hands; he continued slapping me on the back congratulating me a mile a minute not noticing.

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Hanging up the phone I lowered my hands holding it in my lap starting to tremble. Biting down on my bottom lip hard, I squeezed my eyes shut, mind reeling from what I had just agreed to. 'What am I thinking,' the doubt crept up my spine. Of all people, why would I say yes to him? The guy who's seen you at your lowest and most pathetic points this year? The one who knows about Kouga and has seen how weak you are. I shook my head trying to block it out. 'He's just going to use you' it hissed, 'You're setting yourself up for pain, he's seen what a pushover you are, how easy you are to control, that's why he's calling.'

Shaking my head a little too hard this time a wave of dizziness knocked me over pushing me back on the bed. Very quietly a small voice managed to push its way through saying something I hadn't even thought of. 'Maybe he just wants to help.' Opening my eyes I stared up at the ceiling, the optimistic voice of my past still echoing. Rising up a bit unsteadily at first I sank down to my knees in front of the closet door mirrors brushing my finger tips against the cold surface that matched the face reflected in it. Studying myself closer than usual I stared into my eyes, how dark they seemed, how pale my skin was the way it hung with circles under my eyes. Pushing my bangs up and out of the way the heaviness growing inside forced my head to hang while tears pricked my eyes.

I curled my hands into fists in the carpet clenching tightly. This isn't me; with all my might I tried to remember the happy girl from high school. The optimistic outgoing girl I had once been before all this heaviness had dragged me down. Staring up back into my eyes defiantly I glared back at the reflection there. When I was in that hospital bed I said wasn't going to keep living like this, it's time to change. So fuck it, I'm going to take a risk, I don't care if it is going to just drown me in the end. I like Inuyasha, and he's saved me twice now, I owe him this much.

Standing up determinedly I marched into my bathroom starting the shower, while I waited for it to heat up I tore through my closet putting together a flowing pink skirt that went down to brush against my knee's and a white halter top. Throwing them on my bed I started actually getting excited, it had been a long time since I had been on a date, and I couldn't wait to get out of this stuffy apartment. "This is going to be just what you need." I told the reflection. Then hopped into the hot shower letting the water wash my past away.

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Despite Miroku's interrupting I was still in an amazingly good mood. The weekend had officially begun as I peeled my Golf out of the parking lot heading to my apartment for a quick stop to change before going to Kagome's. Bounding up the stairs and rushing inside in my usual manner, I threw my keys down and went into my room. I yanked off the cotton button down opting for a more casual vintage tee but keeping the shorts I was wearing. Leaning in the mirror I shook my ponytail out running a quick hand through my hair and bangs. After a grill check and feeling satisfied I grabbed my keys again and jumped in the car digging the directions out of my pocket.

Surprising myself even I didn't get lost once finding her apartment on the obviously college side of town. Students were everywhere on bikes and skateboards, going between various all night pizza places, clubs, bars and bookstores. Checking my watch at the red light before her street I realized I was still twenty minutes early. I didn't want to get there too early and have her not be ready yet, it seemed kind of rude. Glancing around at the places nearby I could wait, a couple of girls in the car next to me giggled and waved. I rolled my eyes spotting a shopping plaza across the street and turned in. A grin spread across my face seeing the huge grocery store in it.

"Now you're thinking Inuyasha!"

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I was nervously pacing the living room five minutes before Inuyasha had knocked. Taking a deep breath and smoothing my skirt one last time I opened the door gasping in delight.

"Hey there." Inuyasha was smiling over a small bouquet of daisy's. "I thought roses were too formal," he said somewhat shy. His hair was down long black waves blowing lightly behind him framing his powerful figure that contrasted his soft facial _expression and eyes. He looked even hotter than I remembered but what was even better about him was the warmth that washed over me every time he smiled like that.

"Oh, Inuyasha! I love them, thank you!" Giving him a quick hug I pulled back blushing a little but smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. "I'll put them in some water really quick before we leave." Nodding I motioned for him to follow me going into my bedroom.

"This is a nice place, so you live with roommates?" Pulling him inside I shut the door putting a finger to my lips.

"Unfortunately," I rolled my eyes before turning to get the one vase out from under my sink that I owned. Filling it with water and shaking the little food package out I smiled arranging them happily in the vase. Kouga had got me two dozen roses that went in this vase once, funny how a bundle of daisy's meant so much more, and even looked more beautiful just because who they were from.

"Don't like the roommates very much huh?" He questioned keeping his voice quiet. I shook my head setting the vase down on top of my TV.

"That's an understatement," I replied giggling a bit.

"Well are you ready to get going?"

"Yea." He grinned chewing a piece of gum and followed me back out the door. After locking it we headed out the front door.

"Oh I forgot to tell you, my car doesn't have A.C. We can take yours if you want." He gestured towards a black golf parked across the lot with his key.

"That's fine, I like driving with the windows down and the sun will be setting soon so it's not even that hot out."

"You're sure?" He questioned raising an eyebrow. Nodding with a smile he beamed at me in surprise. Wonder what's got him so worked up?

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I couldn't believe my eyes looking at Kagome now. She looked more beautiful than before, of course the only other times I had really seen her was unconscious and in a hospital gown. Either way she was amazing. Gorgeous, smart, nice and she's not high maintenance. What in the world did I do to deserve a date with this girl? Smiling over at her again I winked beeping the car to unlock, she blushed a bit looking down but still smiling. Now if only she wasn't so apprehensive...'You mean if only you got to her before she was abused' a snide part of me corrected. I scowled at the thought.

"Is something wrong?" She asked touching my hand lightly after we got in the car.

"No, no. Just thinking about something I forgot to do at work. It's fine though." I covered quickly feeling guilty for lying to her like that. "So where's this tour going to be starting?" She giggled again as I started up the car.

"Well I'm not an expert or anything, want to start on this side of town and just...see where it goes?" She offered hesitantly.

"Perfect."

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An entire gas tank later I gasped giggling with a sincerity I hadn't felt in several months.

"Oh my god It's almost ten! Why didn't you tell me it was so late?"

"I guess the saying's true; time does fly when you're having fun." He grinned glancing at me out of the corner of his eye while we heading back to my apartment.

"Yea," I smiled whimsically. "I must have forgotten."

Inuyasha was a fast learner, driving back to my apartment with no problems without me even telling him how to get back. We had driven over the entire city in every direction, me pointing out everything I could. I hadn't lived here very long but with all the deliveries for work I was able to learn my way pretty quickly. Going from downtown to country highways the red haze of a setting sun quickly faded into dusk and then peaceful darkness. Having the window's down felt wonderful, I think he was surprised how not bothered I was by it. Truthfully the feel of the wind rushing over my moist skin against the warm summer night was exhilarating. I happily stuck my hand out the window twirling my fingers through it like I did when I was a child.

Being around him was frightening and amazing all at the same time. His presence made me feel so happy and safe but the doubt and fears tugged at me warning me that was the same way Kouga had made me feel. Inuyasha knew so much about me...but he was nothing but kind. He didn't seem like he was here because of pity or out to con me into something. He was just here, and something about him...it made me feel warm, a light I wanted to cling to so badly, and the first I had seen in such a long time.

I couldn't help but also think about earlier...He had called right when I had pleaded for help, more desperate than I had felt since coming here. Then there he was, my knight in shining armor once again.

"Hey quit that." Jerking my head up I stared into his violet eyes surprised to find them on me instead of the road. I blushed again realizing we were stopped at a red light.

"Uh...what do you mean?"

"You do that, where you go somewhere else. Don't, I can't follow you there." The way he smiled at me, I could feel it all the way down my toes.

"I just think a lot." He was still staring at me, at me didn't quite describe it though; it was more like through me. Frozen by the way it affected my senses I managed to keep my eyes on his for once. My blush flared as he leaned in closer. The hairs on my skin prickling as I tried to remind myself to breath, he paused as if waiting for my reaction before proceeding further. I surprised myself even when I closed my eyes pulling closer to him. His lips came down slowly, so close to my own I could almost already taste them, my heart slamming in my ears in anticipation the only noise I was able to hear. He just barely brushed my own leaving a faint feel of warmth and silk before a horn screamed from behind us causing both of us to jump in shock. I winced as I smacked my head against the window from the sudden jerk in fear. The light above was green.

Waving in his rear view mirror annoyed, a light tint of color on his cheeks as well now, Inuyasha sped off closing the small distance left between us and the apartment. We didn't talk and with the speed he was driving we made it there in ten minutes. Parking his Golf next to my car we both began to get out and I felt my blood pressure rise again knowing he was going to walk me to my front door to say goodnight.

Overwhelmed by how fast my pulse was ticking and smacking my head against the window probably too, I almost stumbled getting out of the car things getting dizzy again. I hadn't taken my meds in too long, and while I welcomed the clarity, I didn't enjoy the surge of pain that jolted through me. Wincing my hand thrust out to grab the door of my car next to us balancing myself so I at least didn't fall.

"Kagome!" Inuyasha rushed over to grab my waist steadying me. "Are you ok?"

"Oh yea, I'm fine I just got up too fast really." I tried brushing him away unsuccessfully.

"Is your head ok?" His strong hands were still resting on my hips lightly, not in the possessive way Kouga had touched me though.

"I'm fine really; I can walk on my own." Trying to weakly push him away I raised my hands to find a hard stomach pushing out underneath the soft fabric of his shirt up to my finger tips and drew a sharp breath. Pushing him away back fired as I melted into his chest, him mistaking my lustful daze for another dizzy spell he immediately swung me effortlessly up into his arms. Trapped between biceps and pecks, the overwhelming blush just became worse, but it was the lightest I had felt my entire life. Kicking the car door closed with a well aimed boot he carried me up to my door, hoisting one hip up and lowering the handle the door opened easily and I cursed it for not ever being locked. I closed my eyes trying to get control of the tide of emotions swelling over me and settle the flush of color which I was pretty sure had spread over my entire body by now. Every spot he touched me sent shivers through my body, then heat rippling out, making me aware of every inch of my skin.

"Last stop," he chuckled standing in front of the locked door to my bedroom. I nodded keeping my face hidden mostly by bangs as he sat me down gently still keeping a hand resting on my back while I fished my keys out and unlocked it. Walking in I moved motioning for him to do the same.

"I'm just going to splash some water on my face ok? Feel free to just sit down on the bed, I'll only be a minute." He nodded sitting down on the edge of the powder blue comforter. Escaping into the bathroom and closing the door I finally caught my breath. Patting my face with a wet cloth I stared in the mirror for a moment before noticing...I looked different. I wasn't so pale as I had seemed earlier and it wasn't just the light make up I wore. Touching my fingertips against one warm cheek I realized in disbelief I was...glowing! My fingers clasped over my mouth as I shushed the schoolgirl giggle ringing inside of me. Taking a quick painkiller I fluffed my hands through my hair before walking out to say goodnight to Inuyasha promising myself I'd stay cool this time.

Grinning ear to ear I couldn't stop the giggles this time at the sight before me. Inuyasha had fallen to lay on my bed and was sleeping soundly, those long black locks washing over my pillow and threading through my sheets. He looked adorable and breathe taking all at once, no matter which way you took it, he was amazing. I couldn't take my eyes off him, worried if I did he would wake up or worse, I would.

Not having the heart to wake him I quietly closed the door slipping in next to him. I could smell his hair even from the other side of my full bed. It was intoxicating. Shifting to get more comfortable my skirt curling up as I didn't bother changing, my heart froze when I felt Inuyasha move. Oh no, he's going to wake up and be so weirded out by me doing this, what was I thinking! But before my mind could completely drown in fear I felt him moving towards me. A strong arm circled around my waist while he tucked his chin into my neck, his breath feather light on my skin while his soft hair rested on one of my shoulder blades. Unconsciously he pulled me closer into his body, the heat radiating off him washing away my stiff fear. Finally I sighed relaxing into him, placing my hand on top of his clinging to the sweet feeling of him being so near. I tried to stay awake as long as I could, to remember every detail, but before long found myself washed out to the sea of sleep, a smile still on my face.

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I woke up stretching slightly my stiff joints cracking a bit looking down startled to find I was still in my clothes from last night. But nothing could have prepared me for what I saw next.

Lying next to me in all her glory was Kagome. Her long lashes fanning down over her face which was tilted away from me exposing her jaw line and a tempting bit of her neck upturned. I had the strongest desire to lean forward and kiss every inch of her exposed skin but reframed still staring in shock. One of her hands was casually resting next to her, tucked into the folds of her pillow with bits of her dark hair entwined between long delicate fingers. The slightest hint of dawn streamed into the room through the window bathing her in light and making her porcelain smooth skin look so soft and warm. Even in her weaker moments, Kagome with her eyes open had never looked so soft to the touch as she did now. A peacefulness I had never seen graced her while she slept; only adding to the effect a soft smile was played on her lips. This was her in her purest form, completely unhindered; this was the girl I had been looking for.

Daring to raise my eyes for fear of not being able to see her beauty again I scanned the room realizing I must have fallen asleep last night. I was more exhausted from work than I would have liked to admit I guess, and all my thoughts of her had been keeping me up a bit. Being around her last night put everything into such ease that I had relaxed and just given into the soft mattress of her bed. A blush crept up when I noticed how her body was curved in towards mine instead of being as close to the wall as possible. My heart beating faster when I realized she had probably done that consciously.

Giving my hand a light pinch to confirm I wasn't still sleeping a grin spread across my face, I couldn't have stopped it if I tried. Looking at the clock it was 6am, still far too early for someone as beautiful as her to have any need for waking up. Part of me wanted to go out to make her breakfast or find some way to surprise her. But she didn't live alone and this was my first visit, that might seem too much, and I knew even if I tried to move I wouldn't get a foot away from her without being pulled back.

I chuckled lightly at just how fortunate I was, before I, as slowly as possible laid back down from where I had been propped on my elbows. Trying not to shift the bed and wake her, I turned on my side studying her features and the way her skin glowed. My heart froze and I stopped breathing when I felt her move a bit, keeping my eyes locked on hers waiting for a sign of them opening. But it didn't come, she shifted a little before wiggling to come closer to me and cuddle against my warmth. Smiling and trying to keep calm I moved my arm to encompass her tiny waist pulling her as close as I could without disturbing her. She let out a light sigh in contentment at the motion. Resting my head back on the large pillow my chin barely touching the top of her soft hair I closed my eyes breathing her in. Etching all of this in my memory. There was no denying it, I had to have her. Not just as she was last night, but like this. This innocence and happiness she had in sleep, this was who she was supposed to be. The haunting darkness in her eyes was a mistake, and I was going to do everything in my power to correct it.

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A/N: Hope you liked it! Yay for fluff! Somebody thank me ;p ha but yea, please review if you have the time, I could use the encouragement :D Oh and uh p.s. I haven't stopped writing my other story Surf, Sun and Slippers in case you were wondering. I'm sorry not to update it in so long I'll try and work on it next, but I'm not going to just quit a story don't worry everyone! Have some faith in me ;p