InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Pearl ❯ Chapter 8 ( Chapter 8 )

The Pearl

 

Disclaimer: Ooh look! A disclaimer!

 

 

Chapter Eight

 

“If—you—do!” She was opening the door wider.

“Where do you mean to go? First tell me that.

I'll follow and bring you back by force. I will!--”

~Robert Frost, Home Burial

 

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. ~Dante, Inferno

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

To the North, there is a small range of mountains. These peaks, crags, and cliffs are bare of any color except the warm, golden brown of their rocky surfaces. The temperature is unbearably hot, even for a demon. These are the Fire Mountains.

 

Beneath the surface of this desolate plot of earth is the ceiling of Hell.

 

Somewhere near the center of this area, there is a large cave, gaping open on the side of a mountain ledge. Enter the cave, and the temperature suddenly drops. Now, the chill is enough to prick your very soul. Grey stones of peculiar shapes jut awkwardly out of the floor and ceiling. If the lighting is just right, or if your vision is sharp enough, it will be obvious that the rock formations are actually corpses of demons that have been turned to stone. Deeper still into the cave, a pale, blue light will show the end of the path. A round set of iron doors, which are chained shut, are nested firmly into the back wall of the cave. This is the gate to Hell—the only passage to the underworld that exists in the mortal realm. On either side of these tall doors, looming statue sentinels guard the gate from intruders. It is a cold, unforgiving place, and almost all who venture into the cave's depths will not survive.

 

Sesshoumaru never thought he would have to return to this accursed place. But Housenki had been insistent; this was the only way Rin could be brought back.

 

~*~

 

The demon jeweler did not quite know what to make of a giant, poison breathing dog holding a dead human girl at his doorstep. The only thing he could be certain of was that it had to be his fault in some way.

 

“Sesshoumaru-sama?” Housenki squeaked.

 

Sesshoumaru quickly changed his appearance into his smaller form. Rin's limp body was cradled against his chest as best as he could with just one arm. The wound Shoujii had inflicted on his left shoulder was still sore, and his instinct to favor the injured part threw him slightly off balance when the weight of the girl was added. He just gritted his teeth and held onto her tightly, afraid that she was still searching for yet another way to leave him.

 

Fueled by bitterness and a sore heart, the dog demon approached Housenki with fangs bared and eyes ablaze, ready to take whatever course of action played before his eyes first.

 

“Tell this Sesshoumaru how to fix this,” he spat through his teeth. “Now!”

 

Housenki shuddered and cowered a little at being barked at so loudly. “Um,” he tittered nervously, avoiding eye contact, “what exactly happened?”

 

Suddenly, the demon lord crashed to his knees, still clutching the girl he held onto tightly. His eyes turned hollow, as if he had withdrawn into a far corner of himself, but his mouth fell open to show that he still had a small link to reality. If he didn't get a hold of himself, he might start crying. It was just that embarrassing. There could be no denying that his relationship with Rin was superficial; after all, Sesshoumaru had nearly gone to pieces in front of Housenki the last time he visited. He just knew this idiotic tradesman was trying to make him admit what the girl really meant to him out loud. The whole world was clamoring to hear endearments of Rin, because they wanted to see him made weak. But cruel reality of it all was that it wasn't Rin's presence in his life that made him vulnerable—it was her absence.

 

“She's dead,” Sesshoumaru whispered. A chill gripped his heart; somehow, saying it aloud vanquished any hope he might have been clinging to against this cruel fact. She's dead, she's dead, she's dead! he screamed at himself. But it was not the screaming voice in his head that unsettled his heart. Instead, it was the quiet whispers in the deepest, darkest corner, softly chanting, And it's all your fault.

 

The jeweler gulped and took a few steps closer. “Begging your pardon my lord,” he timidly ventured, “but that much I can tell. What I meant to ask was, how did she die?”

 

All vacant looks were gone from the dog demon's face, and replaced by lines of anger. “She did it,” he rasped. “She smashed the pearl.”

 

“She hates you,” Shoujii sneered. “She'd rather die than be with you!” And he had only snarled in reply, because he could not argue the truth.

 

“Oh. Oh, I see,” Housenki shuddered. This certainly was not a turn of events he had anticipated when making the pearl. Sure, he had sacrificed some strength in design by making it more visually attractive, but he had thought it to be an inconsequential issue. As much devotion as he had seen between the dog demon and the girl, it could be assumed that protection was not a concern. The last person in the world who would prove a threat to the pearl was the girl herself. That assumption had been shown as false now. And Housenki could not help but wonder what had made Rin do it. Asking directly would mean certain death, but his curiosity would not let him put the matter to rest. Gradually peeling back the layers until the truth was known was probably the best approach.

 

Housenki cleared his throat and knelt down to have a better look at Rin. From what he could tell, she had been beaten up quite soundly before she had died. A naïve grasp to her arm made the demon cringe in shock—nearly every bone was broken. It could be assumed as much though, seeing as the pearl would have such an effect if broken. But for her to break it herself while her body shattered in time with the gem seemed horrific. This poor thing had really, truly wanted to die.

 

Shaking his head, the jeweler did his best to hide the solitary tear escaping from his right eye. Come to think of it, Sesshoumaru didn't look all too good either. Obviously, there had been some kind of fighting going on.

 

“Was there a battle?” Housenki blurted. “Was she in a battle?”

 

Shoujii howled with delight. “You've failed!” he cried gleefully. “You can't kill me and save her at the same time! What are you going to choose?” What could he do? All of his life had been spent perfecting the art of killing things. Death was in his very name. It followed him wherever he walked.

 

“Yes,” hissed Sesshoumaru impatiently, suddenly tired of watching Rin being poked at.

 

“And she smashed it herself? All by herself, with no help?”

 

Rin took the pearl into her hand and swung her arm forward, screaming in anguish. Her palm impacted against Sesshoumaru's breastplate with a loud thud, coupled with a high pitched squeal of scraping metal. He could hear the pieces as they rained down along the surface of his armor.

 

No, he thought, she had help.

 

“Yes,” Sesshoumaru gritted aloud instead. He was walking the thin line between being insulted and being enraged. Still, Sesshoumaru felt he was holding up rather gallantly. He was being far too forgiving than the situation called for. Housenki was asking a great many questions, but had yet to answer Sesshoumaru's one.

 

“Poor thing,” the jeweler choked sadly. “I don't know if she can be saved, but--”

 

“—BUT?”

 

“Eheheh,” Housenki laughed nervously while scooting away, “but there is still one thing you can try.”

 

Sesshoumaru felt a great weight lift from his heart. There was still a chance. No matter how badly the odds were stacked against him, there was still a chance. This was the kind of thing he did best—what he had been raised to do. Adversity fueled his spirit. He was intelligent, yes, but more than anything else, he was a fighter. It was all a grand challenge to test his power, and he was never one to back down. She was already dead. There was little else he could lose beyond that. He had everything to win.

 

The demon lord calmly laid the girl down on the grass and stood. His marching orders were only moments away. A good soldier must always be on the ready.

 

Housenki had only seen Sesshoumaru's father, the Inu no Taishio of the Western Lands, once. It was the elder Housenki that conducted any business exchanges with the powerful demon lord. But, as an apprentice, the younger Housenki had been present when the black pearl to hold the great dog demon's tomb was commissioned. He was duly impressed by the image of this regal lord, and doubly so by the solid mass of his demonic aura. Now he was looking as one son to another. It was so clear now, the resemblance between the two. Physically, the way Sesshoumaru had dressed himself was meant to call to an observer's mind his honored father. But Housenki was awed by the look in Sesshoumaru's eyes, for it held a determined fire that yearned to engulf any so foolish as to make imperfect his dreams. Izayaoi had done this to the Inu no Taishio; was it Rin who was now doing it to Sesshoumaru?

 

“Her soul is in Hell,” Housenki bravely explained. “You will have to travel there and bring it back, so it can rejoin with her body. I don't know how you're going to get to Hell--”

 

“I know a way,” Sesshoumaru interjected. He had been there a decade ago, when Naraku entered Hell in search of the final Shikon no Tama fragment. Kagura had shown him the way, but now it was up to him to remember how to get there. It would be a long journey from here, traveling on his own.

 

“How much time does this Sesshoumaru have?”

 

Housenki frowned. “It's hard to say,” he grunted, bending over once more to inspect the condition of Rin's body. Already, new wounds were manifesting themselves upon her skin, all from the life before her death. The pearl had protected her from a great deal of harm it seemed. One of her eyes was swollen shut, colored purple and green from a large bruise. “She's really beat up,” the jeweler declared in assessment. “Her body is decaying faster every second her soul is gone. Perhaps the Tenseiga could help slow this, but again I can't say for certain.”

 

The Tenseiga…

 

“Take the Tenseiga if you wish. It is of no worth to me.” He had forgotten his sword, which had been the catalyst to all of these monstrous events.

 

From the beginning, the Tenseiga had been an integral companion in Rin's life, but now when she needed it most it wasn't there. Damn his emotions, and damn his impulsive nature. His only concern had been for the girl, and look what it had gotten him. By losing his head in trying to do what was best for Rin, he ended up making a mistake that might negate all of his efforts. Sesshoumaru felt trapped.

 

His frustrated growls were stifled in his throat however when his sensitive ears picked up on a familiar rhythm on the breeze. It was the tread of a four-legged creature flying across the wind. A leather saddle creaked as the spine it curved over expanded and contracted. Silk tassels from a bridle whipped against a scaly hide.

 

Aun, Sesshoumaru realized. And no doubt Jakken with him.

 

The idea of facing the toad while standing over the dead body of Rin was not something Sesshoumaru felt up to at the moment. His retainer would be irrational at best upon viewing the scene. He didn't have time to explain or reason anything. Looking down on Rin, he could see the bruises on her face blossom from under the skin. For a moment, she almost looked like a child again; there was something familiar about the marks on her face.

 

And then he remembered her, young and alone in the woods, holding out food for him, smiling at him… and laying face down in the dirt.

 

These are the wounds from when she was attacked by the wolves, he realized. These are the marks of her first death. And they were not the worst injuries she had sustained either, at least not yet. Her belly had been torn open, he remembered. If things kept up like this…

 

Sesshoumaru turned sharply on his heel, facing away from Housenki. Jakken can get the Tenseiga, and take her back to the palace. She will be safe with him.

 

“This Sesshoumaru is leaving,” he barked coldly. “There will be attendants of mine arriving shortly. Instruct them to find the Tenseiga, and leave it close to the girl. Have them take her back to the palace and protect her there.” He paused. It would be best to let Jakken know Rin was not being abandoned. Takako's scolding coupled with the toad's disappointment had given Sesshoumaru a serious blow to the ego. Basically, everyone he knew was trying to rub in his face how much he had been wrong.

 

“Tell them only that this Sesshoumaru will not return without her,” he added quickly.

 

Sesshoumaru felt his mind cleave apart as the words tumbled from his mouth. What was he saying? Did he realize that making such a promise might mean he would actually have to hold true to it? But then his other half scolded himself for being so self-centered. He knew that if he came back without Rin, his life would go on being miserable, and he would be all alone in the world. But if he could not bring her back, or escape from Hell, or both, he would still be with her for all time.

 

But failure was not an option.

 

“A word of warning, my lord!” Housenki cried. “Before you go, you must understand something!”

 

Sesshoumaru turned his head sideways and glared at Housenki with one eye. The jeweler gulped nervously.

 

“You can't just drag her soul to the surface by force. It doesn't work like that. Her soul is still her, still her life. She has to be willing to go. It is by her decision alone that you will be able to bring her back.” And from the way she died, Housenki added mentally, I'd say getting into Hell is probably the easiest part of your journey.

 

The dog demon nodded solemnly. It had occurred to him that there would be a great deal of difficulty in getting Rin's soul back to her body. This complication made matters damn near impossible to fix. For starters, he had no idea how he was going to reason with Rin as to why she should continue living with him. What did he have to offer her that was different from before? What was he going to have to say to make her see how he was desperate and confused, but determined to have her at his side all the same? Emotional battles were not easily fought, and very rarely did anyone win. It was all rather daunting. Still, this did nothing to change his resolve, or his promise. He was not coming back without her, no matter what.

 

“If you never should have brought me back, then you at least owe me this,” Rin had screamed. “So you can never make the same mistake again! So you can't ruin someone else's life by destroying her soul!”

 

He owed her a life—a life that was hers to begin with. The life that he selfishly stole when he gave her breath once more.

 

Sesshoumaru took to the sky, without looking back. One more glance at Rin's steadily breaking body threatened to break him, too.

 

Housenki sighed sadly. Reaching his arms out, the jeweler timidly scooped the precious girl into his arms and cradled her there. This was the child who had been so loving to him all those years ago, and she had only just met him. This creature was one of the most beautiful he had ever encountered, and so full of life. Even in death, a small smile still curled on her lips. But her face was far from being peaceful. No doubt the last moments of her life were filled with excruciating pain.

 

“What did this to you, little one?” Housenki whispered, smoothing the broken girl's hair. “What made you want to die so much?”

 

~*~

 

The cave was just as Sesshoumaru remembered. Nearly ten years ago, it had been Kagura leading him to this location. She had been motivated by her hope that Sesshoumaru would be able to breach the gate unscathed and kill Naraku on the other side. Not only had the dog demon entered into Hell without any harm, but the door had practically been held open for him when he unsheathed the Tenseiga. Now, the Blade of Heaven was not with him; Rin needed it to survive. He would have to fight his way in this time, or die trying. Either way, he was going to enter Hell.

 

The gate was in sight. As he drew closer, the lock over the door seemed even more imposing than it had previously. Perhaps it was because he knew he would have to fight to have it opened, because now he was without a proper key.

 

“Do you want to enter?” a deep voice boomed.

 

Sesshoumaru stopped and looked up at the statues guarding the door. They towered nearly to the ceiling of the cave, looking down on the earth as only giants can. In the blue light, their features were made more eerie. Each one wore a blue stone pendant on his shoulder, and was armed with a halberd. They wore warriors' tunics that left their chests bare, and their hairstyles were the traditional short ponytail pinned to the crown of their heads. Warriors made of stone were warriors all the same. This was going to be the true test of Sesshoumaru's strength, for these stone guardians were no mere statues.

 

“Do you want to enter?” the voice boomed again. Sesshoumaru could now discern the words as being spoken by the guard on the left. Their mouths did not move, but their eyes slowly scraped open. Their hollow gaze fell upon Sesshoumaru, even while their words filled the cave with echoes. Apparently, being made of stone limited their range of movement, but did not keep them from having a voice.

 

“This Sesshoumaru demands entrance,” he roared with authority.

 

The statue on the right stirred slightly, sending dust and rubble tumbling to the floor. “Only the dead may enter,” the sentinel declared. “Or those killed by a guardian.”

 

“Do you want to enter?” the left statue demanded once more, shifting in place.

 

The dog demon steeled himself with a sharp intake of breath before drawing Tokijin from his sash. “This Sesshoumaru will enter, even if it means destroying you.” But again, Tenseiga's absence left him feeling nearly naked. How often had he cursed his father's blade that would not kill? As terrifically powerful as the Tokijin was, he knew it would not be able to move a grain of sand from within the statues' bodies.

 

The statue on the right slowly raised a leg, sending debris scattering in all directions. With a loud thud, the figure stepped forward, then followed suit with a second foot. “Your blade cannot harm us,” the guardian coolly answered. “We cannot be defeated by anything of this world.”

 

The second statue also took a step forward, but bent slightly at the waist to presumably get a closer look at the intruder in his midst. When confronted ten years ago, they needed little reason to initiate an offensive attack. Both were steadily approaching and brandishing their weapons, but they seemed slightly curious about their intended target. Sesshoumaru did not imagine them to be sentient beings capable of thought and reason, but then he also would not underestimate their abilities to see deeply into what possibilities lay at their feet.

 

“You are the bearer of the Sword of Heaven,” the sentinel on the right announced. “Yet you are without the blade forged in the world beyond.”

 

A silly wave of relief cooled the dog demon's troubled mind. “This Sesshoumaru seeks entrance all the same,” he demanded. “If you truly remember who I am, then you will let me pass.” He stared boldly at the unblinking eyes before him, tightening his grip on his sword.

 

The left statue also bent forward, grinding stone against stone as it moved. “We can permit you to enter without being one of the dead, you who bears of the Sword of Heaven,” he answered.

 

“But we cannot permit you to leave,” added the second. “You will be granted safe passage in, but will not be allowed to grant you the same upon your return.”

 

This was some measure of satisfaction to Sesshoumaru. He knew that if the doors were opened and the sentinels had not given him safe passage, he would have to fight against being turned to stone. Entering Hell had its price, and it was not kind to the living. The stone demons on the floor of the cave had learned this lesson already, and left a warning behind to those who would chose to be ignorant to it. But even past the first obstacle, Hell was still Hell. There would be a plethora of dangers yet waiting past the threshold.

 

“Do you still wish to enter?” the statue on the left asked.

 

Sesshoumaru flinched. There would be no going back after this. For all he knew, he would be trapped in Hell for a very long time. He might never find Rin. The more time he spent away, the greater chance his lands would steadily fall into chaos. But he still had to try, for her. She meant that much.

 

No. She meant everything.

 

“Yes,” the demon rasped hoarsely. “This Sesshoumaru is ready.”

 

The statues straightened their postures in unison, then shouldered their weapons. Without any physical or spoken bidding, the giant lock over the iron doors fell open and hit the floor of the cave. A sliver of light appeared at the center seam of the entrance, and Sesshoumaru sheathed his sword once more. Slowly, the gate began to swing open.

 

He was met with a blinding white light and a rush of cold wind, which quickly changed to hot after a few seconds. He did not remember the portal feeling so unpleasant before, but then before he had Tenseiga to protect him. This journey promised to be wrought with hazards, and he would have to make it through unscathed by his own means. Yet one more thing he took for granted in Tenseiga. There was so much he took for granted in life, and it had cost him dearly.

 

Closing his eyes and gritting his teeth, Sesshoumaru took the first tentative steps into the gaping maw of Hell. He did not open his eyes until he heard the door clamor shut behind him.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

In all the times that Sesshoumaru had visited Hell, he could not once remember it being anything more than a gray fog. But this misconception was probably due to the fact that he had never actually set foot in Hell; that is, he had never made it past his father's remains. He soon found out that what he had thought to be Hell was actually far from it. Beyond the towering sepulcher, and even much father into the horizon, was the actual entrance to Hell. The border between the mortal realm and Hell was where he had been in his previous journeys. Sesshoumaru soon found out that there was an unmistakable difference between the border and Hell itself.

 

~*~

 

The fall had nearly knocked him senseless. The darkness hit him like a stone wall, and immediately he wavered in flight. There had been no sign or warning, only a sudden engulfment in the pitch black. Struggling to stay in the air became a full-on battle after only mere moments inside of his bleak destination. There was absolutely no scent in the area, whatsoever. There was neither hot nor cold. The absence of sound ached within the canals of his sensitive ears. All of his senses were clamoring for some kind of affirmation, and he was left with less than nothing. Every effort he put into correcting his perception was sucked further into the void surrounding him. It happened quickly, and he didn't even know he was falling until he hit the ground.

 

His eyesight was steadily improving, but he was still without any means of orientation in this abyss. Sesshoumaru tried desperately to quiet his instincts, but everything about what he was experiencing made the dog within him lash out defensively. He needed something to cling to, or smell, or hear, otherwise he might lose grip of his mind. How was he ever going to find anything in this place, let alone a human girl? How was he going to get out? What sort of disaster had he gotten himself into?

 

Everything was just wrong. Deep within his soul, Sesshoumaru knew that he was not supposed to be in this realm of the dead. He was still alive and trespassing on ground where the living were never meant to tread. A very small, very primal corner of his heart was cringing in fear of this inescapable reality. It jolted down his spine and shook his very core.

 

He was afraid. He was afraid he would never find Rin. He was afraid that if he did find Rin, she would reject him. He was afraid that if he did find Rin and she did not reject him, they would never make it back to the realm of the living. But most of all, he was afraid that he would fail at all of his objectives simply because he was unable to move from the spot where he had fallen.

 

Sesshoumaru tried to stand. Each attempt brought him crashing back to his knees, and trying desperately not to fall on his face. It was humiliating and terrifying him more and more with each passing second. His vision had cleared enough to reveal basic features of his surroundings. There were jagged rocks all around, and a layer of smoke swirling gently above the ground. It was nearly impossible to get any indication of how large the area was; he had absolutely no clue as to whether he was in an open or enclosed space. The ground did not even feel like ground. It was almost as if the harder Sesshoumaru struggled against being pulled to his knees, the harder the floor would pull him downwards. Digging his claws in was useless. It was as if the ground only decided to be under him periodically. There were times where it felt like he was propped upon nothing but air, yet he did not fall through. This place was not letting him have any one part of a solid reality.

 

This was a battle he was never supposed to fight. This place was never made for any living creature to survive. Every odd was stacked against him, and piling atop his shoulders with increasing speed.

 

This is what she went through when she died, Sesshoumaru realized. This is why she was so afraid of dying. This is what she chose over being with me.

 

Rin's life made more sense now. Each day was a laugh at Death's expense. She killed people, and could never die herself. She had already made that journey twice; the world owed her a chance to get even. But as to why she persisted in staying with Sesshoumaru, he was not sure. In all actuality, Rin could have left the shiro and never looked back, and she never would have had to see her guardian again. It would not be dignified for the lord of the Western Lands to chase down an errant human. And yet here he was, doing just that. This made Sesshoumaru wonder if he still would have chased her those five years ago, when the pearl had been minted. He couldn't know the answer.

 

Everything around him suddenly became unsteady. Sesshoumaru was unsure of himself; he'd never been unsure of anything. Why was he in Hell at all, chasing someone who did not want to be found and that the world never wanted him to have in the first place? Why did he think he could produce something enticing enough to lure Rin back, when he knew he was incapable of giving her what she secretly had wanted? Yes he loved her, but it was a different kind of love; one that could not be defined. Rin wanted a specific love—a romantic love. That was impossible. It would never work; that much he was sure of. The universe would not be kind enough to let him have such a dream without a heavy cost. Blood would have to be shed over this. And the worst part of it all was that denying Rin of what she deeply desired would not stop her from loving him anyway. He was also sure of this. After all, she had persisted in it while he had been completely clueless for however many years it was.

 

Sesshoumaru came to a disturbing revelation. He was the biggest fool in the entirety of existence.

 

It was all more than he could bear. Sesshoumaru surrendered to gravity, and let his skull smash into the ground. As unconsciousness began to darken his eyes, he struggled against the disappearance of his one and only functioning sense. This only worsened the situation, because he began to choke on his own breath as he fought. But when hopelessness settled in, Sesshoumaru gave up the struggle and waited calmly for the crushing blackness to engulf him. His last thought was assuring himself he would eventually wake up again; this could not be his death. Still, if it was, it was a peaceful way to go.

 

~*~

 

He was awakened when a large amount of water was dumped on his head. Angrily, Sesshoumaru bolted upright and snarled a warning to whatever entity had dared to intrude upon his weakened moment.

 

The surroundings were more clearly defined in his vision. Instead of a pure black, the atmosphere was a dark gray haze. Time moved much differently in this transitory world; the demon had no idea how long he had been lying on the ground. His ears had stopped hurting, but he still could not discern any noise from anywhere. Sesshoumaru also realized that his left shoulder was throbbing quite painfully. Gingerly he reached his hand up to massage the ache, all the while looking around for the source of the water now dripping down his face.

 

In a world inhabited with displaced ghosts, Sesshoumaru wasn't too entirely comfortable being under some unknown being's scrutiny. Trying to ignore it wasn't working. He had tried to frighten it off, but to no avail. It wasn't moving at least; for now, it seemed content to watch him writhe in his own private hell. Sesshoumaru gritted his teeth, bitterly hoping he was at least putting on a good show.

 

Whatever was watching him didn't seem to care either way. It had not once left him. Sesshoumaru wanted to scream and rip his claws out wildly. This was getting to be quite annoying, and he was ready for it to stop.

 

Apparently the interloper felt the same way. Sesshoumaru clearly discerned the sound of retreating footsteps to his left. He lunged and caught his prey by surprise; the guilty party quickly fled before being properly detected. He could see it scurry behind an outcropping of rock.

 

Sesshoumaru looked about as best as he could through the fog. He gradually found the culprit's hiding place, but had yet to actually see who or what it was. Silently he leaned forward and crept closer, hoping to not scare it again. The being remained behind the rock, and was trembling rather noisily. Sesshoumaru craned his neck to get a better look; when his view was made clear, he was suddenly overcome with a bout of vertigo, and threatened to keel over from it. The dog demon gasped for breath, shaking ever so slightly from the shock.

 

He wanted to laugh. It just wasn't fair. He'd hoped to find her, but not like this. Not like this…

 

She was just as he had remembered; perhaps even more perfectly so. Had she once been this small? He'd forgotten. The frayed, pink kimono with the green belt, the gap in her teeth, and the bruises on her face were all present, as if he had never come into her life. Did she know him? Was there anything she remembered of him?

 

“Rin?” he choked, still too shocked to say much else. He was proud of himself for even managing that much.

 

The little girl startled out of her hiding place and took a few timid steps forward.

 

Rin did not answer when he called her name, but her eyes narrowed in confusion. Sesshoumaru floundered at this, groping desperately for any sign that she knew who he really was. His appearance was slightly different than usual he remembered, and he quickly yanked his hair free from its bindings. With the silver strands now hanging down from their owner's head, Rin's features relaxed. Sesshoumaru felt his mouth go dry, and struggled to work up a good swallow. The girl seemed to be sizing up the demon before her, and said demon could not help but wonder how much she was trying to recognize. Did she remember growing up in his care? Was she trying to work herself into an angered state again for the injustices she had been made to live through?

 

Was she in any way happy to see him?

 

A distant noise interrupted Sesshoumaru's reverie, and apparently frightened Rin. She took off running as fast as she could into the mist before he could stop her. Not a second later did he feel a number of creatures rush past his crouched body. Wolves, Sesshoumaru quickly realized. These are wolves, and they are after Rin.

 

Without hesitating he jumped up and sprang forward. His fingertips thrummed with a surge of poison, ready to fire. It was difficult to see through all of the haze, but his eyes quickly trained themselves on a spot of pink in the distance. Sesshoumaru lunged towards Rin at the very moment the wolves made their move.

 

Rin screamed and fell to the ground.

 

Their bodies fell upon her, but only in pieces. Sesshoumaru had ripped them apart with his energy whip, and now the wolves were dead. Rin was safe. He had saved her from her first death.

 

Still shaking, the little girl raised her head to look around. She gasped softly upon seeing the dismembered carcasses of the wolves around her, but did not try to run. Instead she slowly straightened herself into a proper sitting position, and turned to face her savior with wide eyes. They stared at each other for a heavy moment, neither of them moving or even breathing.

 

And then she smiled. It was that same gap-toothed grin that had won him over when she had first found him in the forest. It was the same joyful chortle from her throat. He had made her happy. It was their beginning, all over again.

 

The fates had their revenge. He tried to be optimistic about the whole thing. Maybe starting over from scratch would be the best. That way he could see everything was done properly, perfectly. But he knew it would never work because no matter how old she was, Rin would always be Rin. More than likely, she would still wheedle her way into becoming a soldier for him because…

 

…because she wanted nothing more in the world than to please him. Nothing more in the world than to be close to him.

 

It was her first death he was looking upon. The universe always had a way of balancing itself. She should have, by all rights, remained dead at this age. It had never dawned on Sesshoumaru until now that in bringing Rin back, he had denied her the peace of eternal rest.

 

When Rin first drew her first breath for the second time, she followed Sesshoumaru without a sound. She continued to be silent throughout the first two months they were together. This suited the demon amicably; the idea of having a little girl in his company was difficult to digest as it was. Still, he just could not bring himself to abandon her by the wayside. Tenseiga was still very new to him, and its effects were now under scrutiny. And as much of a cold hearted killer as Sesshoumaru was, he never sullied his hands with the blood of women or children. He found that when she did begin speaking two months later, her voice was not entirely unpleasant. As time wore on, her talking was a comforting background noise as they wandered the Western Lands in search of Naraku. She would sing silly songs, or argue with Jakken, or tell him how wonderful she thought her guardian was.

 

So good, and kind hearted, and brave, she had told him proudly.

 

He had taken it all for granted. Looking at her now, he would give up any battle won, or victory laurel to the ages if he could just hear her speak.

 

Sesshoumaru shook his head. “Can you stand?” he asked, looking her over. Clearly, she wasn't hurt beyond the wounds she already wore. He had protected her from that at least.

 

“I'm here to bring you home,” Sesshoumaru murmured. Looking at her with hope, he waited for any sign of recognition on the girl's part. Did she understand where “home” was?

 

The child suddenly jumped to her feet and took off running once again. Sesshoumaru felt his heart leap into his throat, and he quickly followed her. If he caught her, he knew he could not force her to understand, just as he could not force her to come with him. But to lose her so quickly and senselessly was more than he could tolerate.

 

A melodic laughter echoed through the fog. Rin was laughing? Quickening his pace to catch up to the child, he saw that she wasn't running away from him exactly. She was just running, in that odd way she had about doing it. Her arms were spread out wide to her sides in the air, and she wove about in her steps while laughing. She was playing with him.

 

The dog demon breathed a sigh of relief. Rin was not afraid of him. It looked as if she wanted him to go somewhere with her, and made a game of it. He would gladly follow this joyful child wherever she was taking him. It didn't take long for her to start singing one of her made-up songs; he listened greedily. When Rin started maturing into an adult, she quit singing altogether. As silly as something like that was, Sesshoumaru felt slightly robbed of a small indulgence. Granted, she still had yet to use any words; her songs were chirps, laughs, squeals, and chortles. But in this dismal environment, any sound was pleasant.

 

It was hard to tell if they were walking or gliding. No solid ground fell under their feet, while their steps landed and raised themselves at a smooth pace.

 

Sesshoumaru rolled his left shoulder around. It had been hurting him ever since he had arrived, but now the pain was something not easily ignored. Shoujii must have stabbed him deeper than he had thought. Very few things in his life actually hurt him; he could remember being pierced through the chest with a diamond spear as being rather unpleasant. Holy barriers tickled, but in an annoying sense. What he was experiencing now was an unrelenting ache. Its persistence made it different from all of the other times, and that was beginning to bother him.

 

The demon could not tell how one navigated in Hell at all. No one piece of the gray crags and shadowy rock formations stood out as unique. There was no smell, no sound, and a thick fog topping everything off. Their path wavered, and then doubled-back, apparently lost from whatever direction they had been heading to. Rin looked about every which way, searching for a landmark to put her back on course. Apparently she found something to her liking, because she cried out happily and began running along once more.

 

After a few more times of having to stop to check her course, and two trips backtracking her steps, they arrived at a little mountain of stone. At the top, the outline of a cave could be seen.

 

Sesshoumaru nodded to the girl, and then set his sights on scaling the mountain. It would have to be done on foot; he might have flown to the top holding Rin, but his shoulder was hurting him enough to deter any thought of carrying her. Besides, he did not know where they were going. It would be fine to walk. Rin had always been rather nimble in settings like this. When he had watched her grow up, Sesshoumaru was slightly saddened when her speedily growing limbs offset Rin's nearly impeccable balance. She grew back into it later though, probably becoming better than she had been before. Her tiny jumps carried her from far-reaching outcroppings, to jagged crags and crevices, and ever upwards at a dizzying pace.

 

When he arrived at the top, she was already there and waiting for him. For the first time, she grabbed his hand and began pulling him forward, leading him inside the cave. He cringed under her touch, but did not let her see it. Rin's hands were colder than anything he could have imagined—so cold they burned. And yet they were still small and soft, just like her hands had been when she was a child. These were the hands that clutched his pant legs while she hid behind him. These were the hands that had hugged his arm when his guard was down. Now these were the dead hands leading him deeper into Hell, and he quietly followed.

 

In the back of the cave, a small sound was echoing between the smooth, narrow passages. Sesshoumaru's eyes once again had to adjust to the darkness, and he embarrassingly found himself depending on Rin's guidance almost completely. The cave itself seemed to continue endlessly, and it almost seemed as if the echo had begun from miles away and had only reached this far after several years. But gradually he was able to clearly distinguish the sound as that of someone crying. More specifically, of a girl crying.

 

Rin tugged harder at Sesshoumaru's hand and began picking up her pace. They were getting closer to whoever was crying; apparently that was where Rin had intended them to end up. At long last he was able to see a dimly lit cavern in the distance. Near the center was a flat rock jutting out from the floor at a graduated angle. On top of that rock was a figure, gently trembling from the weight of her sobs. Rin released Sesshoumaru's hand and darted over to the figure. Eagerly, the child tugged at the other girl's clothes, which made her stop crying and sit up to dry her eyes.

 

It was the green kimono, he realized. She had nearly worn it down to threads when it still fit her, and even when it started not to. There had been countless days that she had worn it, but only one day in particular was surfacing in Sesshoumaru's memory as he looked at her now. The dog demon sucked a cold breath in between his fangs. He had wanted so much to forget about this one. After all, it was by his hand that she had died the second time.

 

Once again, Sesshoumaru was taken aback by how circumstances were playing out for him. Only when she emerged fully into the light did he recognize her beyond any doubt.

 

Rin was thirteen again, wearing the same simple hairstyle she preferred in those days, right down to the slightly wilted flower pinned to the top bun. Everything from that day was perfectly preserved in this second ghost of Rin, all the way down to her slit throat. Blood stained the front of her robe, but was brown with age. The wound itself was still open but no longer bled; instead it had turned black. A slick coat of bile moistened Sesshoumaru's tongue.

 

The younger Rin was taking the hand of her older self and leading her towards Sesshoumaru. When she was close enough, the older girl began crying once more, looking deeply into her master's eyes with such pure anguish.

 

“Why didn't you save me?” the teenage Rin murmured.

 

“What?” Sesshoumaru blurted, utterly dazed.

 

The girl swallowed, and it hurt to watch the flaps of skin contort with the strain from her neck muscles. “Why didn't you save me?” she repeated a little louder. “Why didn't you use Tenseiga to bring me back?”

 

The dog demon furrowed his brows in confusion. “But I did,” he defensively countered. “I brought you back almost immediately.” He paused and watched for the older girl's reaction. She seemed hesitant to accept his answer, which pierced his heart rather deeply.

 

“How could you ever think this Sesshoumaru would abandon you to die like that?” he loudly insisted.

 

Rin had now taken her younger self into her arms and was holding her protectively. Both girls turned in unison to face the demon lord. After a tense stare down, the older Rin finally looked down at her toes.

 

“It's just…we're still here,” she explained sadly. “I know you brought me back from the wolves because I exist. She doesn't, though,” Rin said, indicating her younger self. “She knows that I am her, and can assume she was saved, but she has no memory past her death. The same goes for me. How can I know what you are saying is true?”

 

Sesshoumaru nodded solemnly. These were the ghosts of Rin's previous deaths. Her resurrections had come with no small cost, he was realizing. He had shown the first one her worth by killing the wolf wraiths that had pursued her. She had been given proof for her own eyes that Sesshoumaru would save her from such things. As a child, that was all she really needed to know to be happy. But the older Rin was different. She needed more than just demonstrations of his strength to justify her value to him.

 

“It's okay,” Rin cooed softly, placing her hand on his chest. “You do it, please. For me. For us.” And before he could convince himself that what he was about to do was wrong, he slit her throat.

 

“This Sesshoumaru brought you back as promised,” he gently offered. “You did not die in vain; we were able to make the pearl successfully work for you.”

 

The younger Rin began wriggling anxiously and tried to jump free from her older self's embrace. The older Rin gave a tired shrug and put the child down, and then watched her scamper off to play an imaginary game out of the way of her older self and her guardian.

 

It was a few minutes before the older Rin turned her face back to look at Sesshoumaru again. When she did, she curled her lips into a wry smile and wiped the stray tears from her face. Straightening her shoulders, she relaxed her features and nodded her head in the direction of the child.

 

“When I was that age,” she began slowly, “I thought you could do no wrong.”

 

She paused to let the weight of her words sink in before speaking again. “I never questioned why a demon lord would let an orphaned child follow in his company. The thought never crossed my mind at that age. All I knew was, I wanted to be with Sesshoumaru-sama, and for whatever reason he also wanted to be with me. The one truth of my life was you.”

 

“Did your mind ever change about wanting to be with me?” Sesshoumaru asked bluntly.

 

Rin snorted and screwed her mouth sideways. “Are you kidding?” she barked. “Getting older only made matters worse. When I was smart enough to understand just how bizarre our relationship was I became more determined that I would remain by your side no matter what. I would fight anyone who tried to threaten that, because…,” she trailed off abruptly. Rin turned and walked back to the rock she had been curled up on when Sesshoumaru found her. Sitting, she then gestured for her guardian to do the same. He took his place at her side gracefully, and heard a tiny whimper escape from the girl's lips.

 

“Because I wasn't sure if you would do the same,” Rin finished sadly.

 

“Foolish,” Sesshoumaru spat indignantly. “How could you think such a thing?” He found his eyes kept returning to the hole in her throat—the one he had made. Here is the opening that her sorrows pour out from, he thought ruefully. And I am the one responsible for putting them in there.

 

Rin narrowed her eyes. “Honestly,” she scolded, “you of all people should know the answer to that. What would everyone think if the Lord of the Western Lands had to arrange for a nanny to come watch his pet human each time he left his house?”

 

“You were never a pet,” Sesshoumaru gritted angrily. “And this Sesshoumaru has never cared about what anyone else thinks.”

 

“But you care about your empire,” Rin countered deftly. “I would have held you back had things stayed the way they were. That's why I picked up that sword. I figured if I was useful, then there would be less of a chance that I could be disposed of.”

 

The girl held out her hand like she was going to touch the demon beside her, but then stopped and let it hover in between them. “I just wanted to be something special to you,” she mourned. “When you killed me to make that pearl, I was so afraid you would never bring me back. It could have all ended there, and you could have walked away.”

 

Timidly, she reached her hand forward once more and placed it on top of Sesshoumaru's own larger one. The demon was taken aback by the cold of her skin, but he felt comforted immensely that his Rin was touching him. Slowly he maneuvered his palm to face up and took the girl's much smaller hand into his own, closing his clawed fingers around it.

 

Rin smiled warmly and kept her eyes focused on their hands. A pale pink blush rose to her cheeks. “But you didn't walk away,” she continued. “You say that you brought me back, and I lived with you. But why?” She was shaking her head and still looking between them.

 

“Why?” Sesshoumaru repeated. Why indeed. It was much to complicated to explain. He wasn't even sure he could explain it at all even if he understood it for himself. The right words were not coming. No, the words that were coming to mind were far too disturbing to voice aloud. Once spoken, they could not be taken back or denied.

 

Sesshoumaru had only one answer to give. Just three words and nothing more. If she questioned them, he could offer no explanation in return. It was regrettable that he could not give her more, but something inside of him said that, for her, it would be enough.

 

“I need you,” Sesshoumaru voiced hoarsely. Every ounce of pride he held onto was slipping brokenly through his fingers. He hoped Rin would understand the implications behind his statement; namely, that he was breeching ground into a strength that was once considered a weakness. It was new, and it was all he had of it that very moment.

 

The girl sitting beside the demon continued to quietly stare at their hands entwined together. Her shoulders heaved up and down with a heavy sigh. The air from her throat made a purring noise as it slipped through the opening, and Sesshoumaru winced.

 

Finally, Rin lifted her head and locked her brown eyes onto the golden ones across from her. She squeezed his hand, and then let it go.

 

“Just checking,” she sang. As if she'd known the answer all along.

 

The younger Rin bounded back over to where her companions were sitting, apparently sensing that the tension between them had been eased. She plopped down at Sesshoumaru's feet and began to work at undoing his boots. The demon smiled, and patted her gently on the head. He had missed them—both of them—so much.

 

“So tell me,” the older Rin chirped, “what happened after the pearl was made?”

 

Ah. Sesshoumaru had wondered if this question was going to surface or not. Despite his suspicions, he was not prepared to answer it without any degree of difficulty.

 

“We returned home to the Western Lands,” he began slowly, but then stopped just as soon as he had started. Perhaps that would be sufficient?

 

“And?” Rin prompted eagerly. “What happened? Did Takako-san ever get the Shikon no Tama scroll she was searching for? And what about Kado? Did Katsuro-kun ever turn him into that `mighty war horse' he insisted was inside that stubborn pony?” She smiled brilliantly and tried to stifle her giggles. Rin was so cheerful now, thinking about her future. But all Sesshoumaru could see was a smiling dead girl in the place of a once happy living one.

 

Her face was one of exhausted happiness, and she closed her eyes as she gave a pitiful laugh. Before his eyes her skin was turning an ashen grey, and a waxy sheen covered the surface. Rolling her eyes back, Rin fell limply to the ground, dead.

 

“Yes,” the demon stammered, “yes, they're all fine. They all turned out fine.” Katsuro died after he betrayed you and Takako struck me when she found out you were gone. I suppose that is fine enough.

 

Rin stilled herself and smoothed out her composure. “And what of me, Sesshoumaru-sama?” she asked coolly. “Am I fine?”

 

Sesshoumaru felt trapped. What was he supposed to say? He couldn't very well lie to the girl, but telling the truth was just as damaging. Furiously he tried to wet his sandy mouth; the girl flicked her eyes along with the bobbing of his throat. She seemed either blissfully naïve to his suffering, or else perfectly aware.

 

“You are--” he paused to clear his throat, “—angry with this Sesshoumaru right now.”

 

Gently, the girl reached her hands up to rest them upon the demon's shoulders. A dull ache seemed to thread through his veins, radiating from somewhere in his chest. Rin was looking at him with knowing eyes and a pitying smile. It was too much. Sesshoumaru sought refuge in the face of the child at his feet, but she too was wearing a similar mask of sympathy. They both knew something he didn't.

 

“Is it because I'm dead?” she whispered. “Tell me, why are you here? Do you think she will forgive you?”

 

“No,” Sesshoumaru choked. So this was how it was. Here sat the Rin of her first death, and the Rin of her second death.

 

That meant there was still one more.

 

“No,” he repeated. “This Sesshoumaru cannot say.”

 

Both of the girls stood up and shuffled around to face him. Tenderly, the youngest Rin reached for Sesshoumaru's hand with both of hers, and wrapped her fists around his index and middle fingers. The older Rin placed a hand back onto his left shoulder and massaged it lightly. The demon hissed in pain; he wanted to pull away but at the same time he did not want to admit it hurt him as much as it did.

 

“She's not here,” the older Rin said, anticipating his troublesome thoughts. “Truthfully, I don't know where she is right now. When she heard you had come, she left.”

 

Sesshoumaru sagged in premature defeat. She doesn't want me to find her, he mournfully realized.

 

The teenager flexed her fingers once again which brought Sesshoumaru's head jerking back up to meet her stern gaze. She smiled patiently and let her hand slide down the side of his shoulder a bit, releasing the pressure she had put there.

 

“We will help you as best as we can,” she declared solemnly, nodding to her younger self. Her hand slipped lower down his sleeve, and Sesshoumaru shivered with the jolt of cold energy that surged down his arm.

 

Wait.

 

Rin continued down the sleeve pressing firmly on the arm within. At the end of the sleeve, she lifted up the hem slowly and took his hand into her own.

 

His left hand.

 

Sesshoumaru coughed in disbelief. Had this been what was hurting him so much? Why suddenly here and now was his arm growing back? And why had it grown back at all?

 

He tried moving his new fingers. The thought moved arduously down the limb to his digits, and was only half heartedly executed. But he could see his knuckles twitch, and felt the resistance of Rin's hand against them.

 

“This part of you had died, and so it was here waiting for you,” Rin explained calmly. “When you came you were reconnected to it, and that is why you are whole now. I'm sure it will take some time to get used to, but you'll be as good as new in no time.”

 

The dog demon could only stare completely dumbfounded at his arm. He was whole. After all of these years, he was physically whole. Now if only he could now find the missing piece of his heart hiding in the darkness of Hell.

 

Rin tried to clear her throat, making a strangled gurgling noise that drew Sesshoumaru's attention away from his new appendage and back to the broken girl. She was holding back tears.

 

“You have to make us whole, too,” she whimpered. “Please, you can't leave us here. We have to be together again.”

 

The demon nodded gravely. “I will not see you get left behind. When we find her, and if she will come back with this Sesshoumaru, then she will not be without you both.”

 

“Good,” Rin murmured, wiping her face with one sleeve. She turned his hand over and back a few times before nodding her approval and letting go. Little Rin jumped up and down impatiently and voiced her displeasure with a few squeaks.

 

“Alright,” the older Rin assured with a laugh. She nodded to her younger self and then to Sesshoumaru. “Let's go,” she commanded, and they were off.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

In all of her centuries of life, Takako had never been so enraged and so bereft with grief all at the same time. She didn't know if she wanted to fly to pieces herself or shred someone else to pieces.

 

Not that she had anyone in particular in mind.

 

“He killed her,” the demoness spat venomously. “There is nothing you can say that will convince me otherwise.”

 

“How can you say such treacherous things about our lord and master?!” Jakken cried fearfully. “If he heard you say that--” The faithful retainer finished his statement with a shiver that started at his bald, green head and ended at his clawed toes.

 

Takako sneered, bending down to face level with her opponent. “First of all, he may be my lord but he is not, nor has he ever been, my master.” She snorted indignantly at the very implications of the word. “And secondly, I am of the same blood as his mother. If I had it my way, I'd turn him over my knee and beat him like the petulant child he is!”

 

Jakken nearly fainted dead away, and had to support himself by grabbing onto the sheets of the bed before he fell. “At least don't say such disrespectful things in front of Rin,” he begged pitifully.

 

A choked sob came from the dog demoness' throat. Straightening her posture, she looked down on the girl in the bed next to where she was standing. With each eye blink another piece of Rin seemed to melt away; entropy was never a pleasant process to watch. It was there the whole irony of it all existed. She had watched the girl grow older with time, and now Rin was dying away even though she could not grow older any more.

 

“Jakken, I just feel so helpless,” Takako sobbed. “The only thing we can do is just sit and watch her decay.”

 

“But the Tenseiga has helped slow that down considerably,” Jakken insisted. And with little time to spare, he realized.

 

~*~

 

Poor Jakken had arrived at Housenki's abode with absolutely no idea of what he would find. All he knew was that the battle had been won, Tenseiga was left on the field, and both Sesshoumaru and Rin were missing. Aun easily picked up its master's trail; Jakken grabbed the sword and tried to push the ominous implications of this setting out of his thoughts.

 

The demon jeweler was holding Rin's corpse like a broken doll.

 

“Where is Sesshoumaru-sama?!” Jakken shrieked, hopping down from Aun's saddle. “And what has happened to Rin?!”

 

Housenki shook his large head sadly. “She is dead; she smashed the pearl herself,” he explained in a low voice. “As for Sesshoumaru-sama, he has journeyed to Hell in hopes of bringing the girl back.” The demon petted the girl's hair tenderly. “Poor little thing,” he whispered.

 

“Get your paws off of her this instant!” the imp squawked. “This Jakken will not stand by and watch you man-handle her so familiarly!”

 

The jeweler trembled slightly as he stood and carried Rin over to the two-headed dragon. Gently he placed her face-down across the saddle and did his best to see that her head, neck, and torso were all properly supported. He turned to the small, green demon at his feet that was glaring at him in return.

 

Jakken didn't quite know what to do next. Obviously Housenki was saying Rin needed to go somewhere, but where? From what he could tell, she was in very bad shape. He couldn't remember seeing that many bruises on her since the day he found her belly down in the dirt. And for Sesshoumaru-sama to abandon her side at a time like this was disheartening. On the battlefield, Jakken could feel the ghost of a powerful demonic aura; undoubtedly it was that of his master. Something truly terrible must have happened for things to turn out like this.

 

“Wait,” Jakken startled, “you said that Rin did this to herself?”

 

Housenki nodded in reply. “I was not told why she would do such a thing, or what led up to it. All I know is that it was her intent for the pearl to break.”

 

A dizzying rush engulfed Jakken's brain and sent him spinning out of control. His lord had failed in the rescuing of Rin. She had died despite his vow that she would never die again. Was she worth so little? Did he truly intend to save her at all?

 

“You must give her the Tenseiga to hold,” Housenki rumbled, snapping Jakken back to the present.

 

“What?” the toad bumbled.

 

Housenki cleared his throat and started again. “You must give her the Tenseiga to hold. Each moment her body is without her soul is physically killing her.” The jeweler nodded towards the sword and took it as it was offered to him. Gently, he tucked it in the crook of Rin's right arm.

 

“Hey, wait! Rin is already dead!” Jakken shouted indignantly. “How is this going to help at all? This Jakken can't wield that sword; only my master can.”

 

“It wouldn't do any good anyway,” Housenki sighed, shaking his head. “Her soul wasn't in her body at the time of death, so both body and soul died separately. Technically, she's almost dead, if anything.”

 

“And Sesshoumaru-sama is going to bring her back?” the retainer eagerly asked.

 

“Well, hopefully.”

 

“What do you mean, hopefully? For Sesshoumaru-sama such as task is hardly anywhere near impossible!” Jakken cried. “He will turn through every crevice of the underworld to find Rin and bring her home!”

 

“Hell is a dangerous place,” the jeweler argued. And I just don't have the heart to tell you that none of this is within your lord's power to fix. Only Rin can decide if she lives or ultimately dies.

 

Jakken snorted. “You stupid fool,” he scoffed. “Sesshoumaru-sama will succeed. If he can defeat Naraku without breaking a sweat, then he can certainly bring a mortal soul out of Hell.”

 

Housenki nodded just so he wouldn't be tempted to debate this matter further. “In any case, your orders are to bring her home and guard her until Sesshoumaru-sama's return. Make sure the Tenseiga stays with her no matter what.”

 

The toad leapt onto Aun's back. “You just wait,” he bragged stoutly, “my lord will have Rin back to her old self in practically no time at all! Then you'll feel foolish for ever doubting him.” Dramatically, he turned up his nose before snapping the reins.

 

“Slowly!” he ordered the dragon. “And stay low to the ground!”

 

Ah and Un grunted their acknowledgements, and carefully rose into the air. Rin was being safely carried home. Her body would have the comfort and protection of those she knew and undoubtedly cared for. It seemed that Rin cared for everyone; she was just that loving. Even Housenki felt as though Rin was genuinely fond of him, and he had done nothing to earn it. How could Sesshoumaru take such a beautiful thing for granted? Or was he a complete idiot and did not notice it at all?

 

Housenki sighed and rubbed his temples. All of this was giving him quite a headache. This was enough stress for one day.

 

“I need a long nap,” he decided, climbing back into his shell. Hopefully, everything would work out. And if it didn't, then he hoped he would get enough warning so he could move very far away. Somehow, something told Housenki that Sesshoumaru would not be the most rational of people if Rin died.

 

And most likely, Housenki would be the first to feel the dog demon's wrath.

 

~*~

 

Jakken arrived back at the shiro as inconspicuously as possible, but he could not escape Takako's detection. The dog demoness had almost taken the head off of a nearby guard before collapsing to the floor with wracking sobs. The whole castle was put on high alert, knowing full well that word would soon be reaching the neighboring lands about Sesshoumaru's deceit. They would be able to fend off any attack, but without their lord's guidance the army would remain in the defensive. This was not where their true strength in tactics was, and after enough time they would eventually break.

 

But Jakken and Takako did not concern themselves with such things. Rin's well-being was their top priority, and not even a full-scale war could tear them from her side.

 

Carefully, the faithful retainer took Rin's hand into his much smaller one and stroked it lovingly. He understood more than most what a tragedy this was. After all, he had been with her from the very beginning. He had helped to dress her, see that she was bathed and fed, been given the arduous task of entertaining her, and protected her during times Sesshoumaru was away. For all intensive purposes the toad had raised the girl alongside Sesshoumaru and later Takako.

 

Turning so that no one could see, Jakken carefully wiped his tears on Rin's hand.

 

“Jakken-sama! Jakken-sama! Why are you so green?”

 

Rin-chan, Rin-chan, because I'm sick with worry.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

He was not sure exactly how long they spent looking for Rin. Time was merely a concept in this realm. Whatever the case, it gave him the opportunity to rehabilitate his newly formed arm. They rested as needed; Hell is vast and even the most powerful entities cannot cross its regions in a day.

 

Sesshoumaru cherished these quiet moments with the younger and teenaged Rins. Everything was as he had remembered it, and yet horrifyingly different at the same time. As sweet and as charming as these girls were, their broken bodies served as a haunting reminder to Sesshoumaru of every instance that he had failed Rin. There was no pleasure to be drawn from these bitter memories, but the girls' smiles at least helped to soften any heartache he felt.

 

They stopped dead in their tracks when they found the eldest Rin's trail. It seemed she had come out of hiding and was allowing herself to be found. Sesshoumaru knew better than to think of this as a positive omen; after all, Rin must have had her own reasons for keeping her location secret as long as she did. Her two younger selves led Sesshoumaru as close as they dared, but refused to be at his side when coming into her presence.

 

“Keep in mind that she is very angry with you,” the second oldest warned. “But she doesn't hate you. There's still hope in that.”

 

The youngest one hugged Sesshoumaru fiercely, and then kissed his cheek. It was a token of encouragement, but went so much deeper than that. The dog demon startled at this tender show of affection. She had never kissed him at any age when she was alive. Now he suspected that she had often wanted to. Children tended to have lower inhibitions about such things, but it seemed Rin needed to be dead too before she had enough nerve for a kiss. Despite her lips being frigid with death, Rin's kiss warmed Sesshoumaru's soul better than any accolade or praise ever had or could. Such things seemed so petty now. The demon wondered briefly why he had placed so much value on such fleeting matters. If Rin would come home with him, Sesshoumaru promised himself to find a way to earn another heartfelt kiss.

 

“Go to her,” the teenaged Rin urged. “Just remember to be honest, both to her and yourself.”

 

The dog demon nodded. Taking in a deep breath, he quietly stepped into the fog and waited for a sign of his Rin to emerge. It did not take long before he could see her.

 

Sesshoumaru knew her instantly; that profile was familiar to him as his own shadow. The dispersing fog revealed her in the same state as her younger selves—her dying moments crystallized into her soul's final form. The clothes Shoujii had dressed her in—ragged, gray linen tunic and pants—made her look every part the ghost she was. It was yet one more thing that Sesshoumaru hated himself for; she died in someone else's clothes. She had been cast out of her home, captured, tortured, raped, humiliated, starved, and then paraded in front of her master as the final insult. It wasn't any wonder she wanted to die.

 

Rin shivered, then cocked her head to the side with alertness. Turning very slowly, she met eyes with Sesshoumaru. He felt his eyebrow twitch slightly.

 

“You,” she greeted coldly. Rin narrowed her eyes and pinned the demon with a cruel glare.

 

“Rin,” Sesshoumaru rasped.

 

It wouldn't be like him to fall on his knees and start begging for forgiveness; she knew that, and she would be suspicious if he did. But that didn't mean he hadn't thought of it. If his sincerity could be trusted, then he would be face down on the ground and pleading for Rin to return home.

 

Suddenly, an icy wind swirled about the girl and her appearance drastically altered itself. Her clothes became black and unfolded out into an elegant kimono. Thick waves of her chestnut hair fanned wildly about her head in a demonic halo. Rin stood and stalked smoothly over to Sesshoumaru.

 

“How dare you,” she hissed through her teeth. “Are you here to satisfy your arrogance further? I am dead because of you, but you selfishly had to come see it to believe it.”

 

Rin's body began to float upwards, and her robes lengthened along with her increasing height. She was towering above Sesshoumaru, looming over him with malice radiating from her being like a dark cloud. Her hands clenched in fists at her sides, and every joint seemed to lock into place. Rin ground her teeth as she glared at the demon beneath her. Why had he come? Didn't he know how much he had hurt her? Or how much he was hurting her now?

 

Sesshoumaru could only look on in disbelief. Is this what had truly become of Rin's heart? He had been blind to her love when she was alive, but now that he knew it had always been there, he was suddenly finding a void instead. Was there no hope for him now?

 

“Rin,” he pleaded, “this Sesshoumaru--”

 

“NO!” Rin thundered, jerking herself nearer to the demon. “You washed your hands of me already. Remember? I am nothing to you!”

 

The dog demon scowled. “Surely you cannot believe that you are nothing to this Sesshoumaru now,” he reasoned. “In coming to Hell to search for you, your worth to this Sesshoumaru must be obvious.”

 

“You don't get it!” the girl screamed. Her clothes bled a crimson stain until her robe had changed to a brilliant red. The wild tendrils of her hair whipped themselves into a simple up-do appropriate for a lady of standing. Rin alighted to the ground a hair's breadth away from Sesshoumaru and stubbornly locked her jaw.

 

“Nothing about you is obvious,” she said scornfully. “Except for your being a pompous, emotionless monster!”

 

“Do not be so quick to judge,” Sesshoumaru answered, barely restraining his inclination to fight back. He would never tolerate this kind of talk from anyone, and if they tried he would kill them for it. But Rin was already dead, and shouting back was not going to further his chances of being in her good graces again.

 

“You should leave,” Rin said quietly. Her eyes were set on his face, but her gaze burned right through him and far into the blackness on the horizon.

 

Sesshoumaru shook his head. “I will not leave without you,” he stoically replied.

 

“Then you will never leave!” the girl laughed mockingly.

 

“If that is how it must be, then so be it.”

 

For a moment, Rin was caught completely off guard. Her eyes lost the angry spark that ignited them from within. The elegant robe suddenly reverted back to the tattered pants and shirt she was wearing when she had died, and her hair fell in a matted mess.

 

“You think that will change things?” she sobbed. “You think that your staying will make up for the fact that I am still dead? You don't belong here. Please Sesshoumaru, just leave me in peace. Do not play god to me any more.”

 

Rin turned to walk away, but was met with resistance from two strong hands. She gasped slightly and reached up to confirm if what she felt was true.

 

“Rin,” the demon hoarsely pleaded, “you don't have to stay. This Sesshoumaru can bring you back—all of you. There will be nothing of your soul left behind in this place.”

 

The girl sighed softly. “I always wondered what this would feel like,” she murmured, “to have both of your hands upon me.” Gently, she lifted up his left hand and held it as she turned around to face him again. “You have your missing piece,” she begged, and squeezed his hand. “You can return home as a whole man.”

 

“That is not why I am here,” Sesshoumaru bluntly countered. Had Rin always thought him to be this selfish?

 

“I know,” she answered. “You came to bring me back. But I don't want to go back.”

 

He watched her clothes change once more; now she was wearing a short, dark green robe made of thick wool. Her hair was tied low on her neck, and hung heavily down her back. She looked like a peasant—was this the life she could have lived if Sesshoumaru had not permitted her to follow him?

 

“I have nothing to come back to,” Rin stoutly declared. “I have no place in the world.”

 

“Takako does not find you so meaningless,” Sesshoumaru argued. “She struck this Sesshoumaru when she discovered the circumstances of your departure.”

 

“Did she really?” Rin chuckled. “Pardon my saying then, but you deserved it.”

 

The dog demon nodded even though the girl was no longer facing him. To admit he was wrong aloud was a step he was not ready to take. Perhaps Rin detected his silent answer in her own way.

 

“Jakken, too,” he continued. “He wanted to ride into battle with this Sesshoumaru to claim you back.”

 

“And where did he end up being?”

 

“Preparing your room for your return, so that you could be properly welcomed home.”

 

“I see.”

 

Somehow, Sesshoumaru was getting the feeling that his best intentions were falling atrociously short of their mark. He took a step forward and once again placed his hands on Rin's shoulders.

 

“And you?” she bit out. “It seems my place is clearly defined by Takako and Jakken. But what are your thoughts on the matter?”

 

This time, he did not hesitate. “I need you,” he murmured, drawing nearer.

 

Rin laughed darkly. “You need me?” she mocked, whipping around. “And how does my lord need me to be?” Her clothes mended themselves and plates of armor rose from her skin. She was standing in front of him in a fighter's stance, looking for all the world like a samurai warrior.

 

“Like this?” she growled. “Is this my place in my lord's life? Or--”

 

The armor melted away leaving a rainbow of embroidered flowers in their place. Rin was now wearing a kimono of the highest design, but without the layered robes on top to accompany it as a noblewoman would have. Her hair was down and parted to the side with a few strands adorned with blue and red ribbons braided in The collar was loose and pulled open indecently. The obi belted around her waist tied in the front instead of the back as was customary.

 

A prostitute, Sesshoumaru realized.

 

“How about this?” Rin said in a sultry tone. She wrapped her arms around the demon's neck and pulled herself against him. “Did you want this, my lord, and were too afraid to ask?”

 

“Never,” he snarled, untangling her arms and pushing them to her sides.

 

“Never?” Rin teased. “Is it so repulsive for you to touch a woman? Or is it because I am human?”

 

“I cannot allow myself such things!” the demon bellowed. Especially not a thing such as you—no matter how much I may want it.

 

“You're right. You're absolutely right,” the girl scoffed, tearing herself away from Sesshoumaru. “It would make you weak—just like it did to me.”

 

What was she talking about? Rin, weak? That just wasn't any part of whom she was.

 

“You were never weak. This Sesshoumaru will not listen to you say such lies,” he scolded.

 

Shamefully, the demon found it very hard to stop staring at the woman who stood before him. It occurred to his mind's eye that this must have been the face she wore for many of her victims before ruthlessly killing them. Why would his gentle, kind Rin do such a thing? She had no real reason to kill any of these people, other than it was what he had wanted her to do. He was responsible for this. In a convoluted way, he had made a whore of the girl he promised always to protect.

 

It was hard to breathe. Sesshoumaru clutched his throat in panic. He had treated her so horribly! And she let him—because she loved him. He had taken advantage of everything she had given him with love, and repaid her with almost nothing in the grand scheme of things. Rin was perfectly capable of finding a house and food on her own. She could make her own clothes if needed. He had given her nothing that she couldn't get for herself.

 

She had always been strong; she could rely on herself. But then, wasn't he strong as well despite his reliance on her? Or was it because of it?

 

“Leave,” Rin snapped, pulling Sesshoumaru's head out of the despair he was drowning in. “Nothing will change by my coming back. Just go.”

 

Once again she was in the black kimono, and slowly rising off the ground. She was leaving him. This was her final decision; he could do nothing to change it.

 

Nothing to change it, except by changing himself.

 

“But I didn't know you loved me then!” Sesshoumaru bellowed angrily.

 

Whatever spell locked in those words newly spoken dispersed the dark cloud Rin was steadily rising upon. She floated delicately down to the ground, and her clothes faded to gray, and then a brilliant white. Her body curled beneath her upon landing, and everything about her seemed to smooth itself into place. When she turned to face him once more, her hair was parted straight in the middle, and cascading over her back and shoulders in a fluid line. Her face and neck were painted white, and the only color she wore was the splash of red paint on her lower lip.

 

Sesshoumaru sighed inwardly. How could he have been so stoic in the face of such a beauty for all of these years?

 

“You know then,” Rin whispered softly. “You know that I loved you.”

 

The dog demon nodded solemnly, and took a step towards the girl.

 

“How does it feel,” she continued, “to know you are too late?”

 

Sesshoumaru took another step forward.

 

“Did you curse my human heart for being so foolish?”

 

And another step.

 

“Or did you laugh, and think me childish to fall in love with a stone hearted man?”

 

He knelt beside her and looked to her with sorrow in his eyes. He had wounded her very soul when she was alive. What could he begin to do in reparation? Did she think him to be so cruel as to not take her feelings seriously?

 

“This Sesshoumaru is not devoid of emotion,” he defended.

 

Rin narrowed her eyes and frowned. “Do you love me?” she snapped.

 

It felt like he was spinning, or falling, or maybe both. Sesshoumaru's head felt light, while his gut was turning flip-flops. How was he supposed to answer such a question when put on the spot? What did she expect him to say?

 

Did he even know the answer?

 

The girl sniffed in disgust. “Your silence speaks volumes,” she hissed, slowly rising to her feet. She softly padded her way over to stand beside the demon's kneeling figure.

 

Sesshoumaru jerked his head away from her and stared out into the void surrounding them. “I don't know,” he finally whispered.

 

“You don't know?” Rin repeated mockingly.

 

“No,” the demon replied, “but you should not define your existence by this Sesshoumaru's perceptions.” He turned back to face her and leaned in close. “Live for yourself, and not for this Sesshoumaru. I owe you a life. Take it, and do as you please.”

 

Rin's bottom lip began to tremble. “You would bring me back even if I intended to leave you?” she asked in a quivering voice.

 

“Yes,” Sesshoumaru answered honestly. “It is only what you deserve.”

 

The girl drew in a shaky breath and let her eyes dance about while looking at nothing at all. She swallowed hard and did her best to keep the tears from falling, but there were a few that escaped the corners of her eyes despite her efforts. Finally, she drew in another shaking breath and pushed it out in a long, even sigh.

 

Her eyes locked on Sesshoumaru's. “I will come back,” she choked, “but I will not set the terms of this agreement until I am alive once again.”

 

Sesshoumaru nodded. It was only fair that she do this. He had cheated her out of so much without ever really meaning to. If he was careless about this, then he would surely lose her forever.

 

Clearing her throat, Rin dabbed at her eyes with the hem of one of her sleeves. She blinked a few times as she composed herself once more and then smiled shyly. Rising to her knees, she filled the distance between them with a few crawling steps before holding both of her arms open. Sesshoumaru could only watch, frozen in place, as Rin wrapped one arm over the front of his chest, and the other across his back and over a shoulder. Then she started pulling him down.

 

“Please,” she whispered, “just for a little while.” Rin placed the demon's head on her lap where she cradled it with one hand. Arching her back, she let her head hover directly over his. Her hair fell in a dark brown curtain around their faces.

 

Prudently, Sesshoumaru raised his left hand and let the heel rest upon Rin's cheek while his clawed fingers wove through her hair.

 

“Thank you,” he said with awe.

 

Thank you for loving me.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

A/N: This chapter made me smash my head against the wall for hours. I had to go and delete entire passages because the plot would change, or have holes, or just be boring. However, it has inspired me to tack on a special treat at the end of this whole story. You'll know it when you see it. Thank yous of course go to my best friend and best beta out there, Botan. It was you who cradled my ego when I cried frustrated tears of despair as the deadlines slowly closed in. You figuratively guided me through Hell, and the symbolism is not lost. Only one more to go until the fluff!

 

A few reviewers have expressed a jarring sensation when reading “modern” sounding language in the text of this story. Originally, I intended the use of this contemporary lingo to signify the cruder, coarser, or more casual side of a character. As epic as Feudal Japan may have been, I am almost certain the common folk had their own, more simple language dialect. I believe people in Feudal Japan did speak in slang terms when dealing with the more unrefined aspects of life, just as people in Europe's feudal era did. The only way I can convey this linguistic occurrence is with slang I am familiar with. If enough people complain about it, then I will do my best to revise it. Yes, once this fic is done there will be revisions. I do listen to comments made in that direction, and by all means do I understand that a posting is not perfect just because it is posted. I just need to smooth out the rough spots here and there.