InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Pearl ❯ Chapter 9 ( Chapter 9 )

The Pearl

 

Disclaimer: The only person with less of a claim on Inuyasha than I is Kikyou.

 

 

Chapter Nine

 

To fight and conquer in all our battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting. ~Sun-Tzu, The Art of War

 

Love is a kind of warfare. ~Ovid, Ars Amatoria

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

As a living being, Sesshomaru knew his passage out of Hell would be much easier than his passage in. After all, he was not supposed to be there in the first place, and the natural properties of Hell ordered that such an infraction be resolved quickly and thoroughly. For Rin, it was the exact opposite; getting into Hell was the easiest part. Once a dead soul was held in the clutches of the unending darkness, every fiber of that universe constricted like a net to block off any means of escape.

 

He carried her across in pieces, from the youngest to the oldest. Each journey, he would deposit his passenger within the remains of his father's skeleton, and then turn back for the next. It was frightening and painful, for the borderline between Hell and limbo was unforgiving to the senses. Each passage to the outside threatened to break his bones as he fought against Hell trying reclaim what was being stolen from its body. He was forced to listen helplessly to Rin's anguished tears as the fingers of Death struggled to draw her back in. Each return sent him reeling into the helpless state he had experienced during his first arrival. Blind, deaf, and essentially naked in the dark, Sesshomaru had to force himself to move; otherwise he risked losing whichever parts of Rin that had been left behind. And then once they found one another, the process would begin all over again.

 

They all rested briefly in the remains of the Inu no Taisho. Sesshomaru had to marvel at seeing the three girls interact with one another. They were the same person, and yet they were so very different from one another. The littlest Rin was completely mute in regards to language, but she could laugh and cry without fail. Out of all of them, she was the most skittish when it came to interacting with their dog demon guardian. He couldn't blame her, for the only memories she must have of him were of their brief time in the woods. Sesshomaru hadn't been especially kind to the girl, but he had not been cruel either. The little girl had been curious but cautious. Her trust was earned only after he brought her back from the dead.

 

The teenage Rin had to be the most out-going and energetic of the three. She would coddle her younger self affectionately, while conversing casually with her older self. She also was not shy in talking to Sesshomaru. He greatly enjoyed this, though he was not going to admit it. At that age, Rin's relationship with him was odd because they were both still testing each others' waters. Yet it was because of this uncertainty that they were also very close, due to their shared determination to make whatever was happening between them work. This Rin was no longer a child, but was still innocent. She had the mental capacities of an adult, but the playful spirit of her former youth to counter balance. During these years there was no question in regards to her indispensability. She was needed, and there did not have to be a reason why. Sesshomaru knew Rin did not love him then as she did now; otherwise, she would have required an equivalent exchange of reasoning. Yet he never did offer her anything, and she still remained with him. Until now.

 

The oldest Rin would not look at Sesshomaru except from the corner of her eyes. She spoke only when necessary, and only smiled briefly when watching the antics of her younger selves. Sesshomaru knew she was guarding her emotions from him, and he did not fault her in the least for it. Still it pained him to be forced into estrangement with someone he was very fond of. He could be sure of those feelings at least. Part of him wanted to scoop her into his arms—the thrill of having two arms was still fresh in his psyche—and hold her until she worked things out on her own. But he also knew that he was part of the problem she was going through, so trying to involve himself might only serve to complicate matters further. He at least had the encouragement of her touch to keep him steady. She had been the one holding him not too long ago, and it soothed the aches in his heart immensely.

 

Sesshomaru was far from being sure of Rin's motives. Once she reunited with her body, she would be free to leave him if it so pleased her. There would be nothing he could say or do about it; for all he knew, he was saving her life only to lose her again. But that didn't mean he wasn't any less obligated to bring her back. There were a lot of wrongs he had to make right, and doing this was the first giant step towards his redemption. All he could do was hope that Rin's love would not fail him still, just as it had not during all the years they had been together. It was the one sure thing of their lives, and he had taken it for granted. And he could not say with any certainty that he would not make the same mistake again.

 

“Sesshomaru-sama?” the teenaged Rin chirped.

 

“Yes?” the demon startled, jerking his head up. How long had he been staring blankly at his boots?

 

“We're ready now,” the girl chuckled.

 

“Ah,” he replied, standing. He hesitated in stepping forward; for all intensive purposes, he was not needed in any part of this act. Nonetheless he felt he should be close by in case something should go wrong.

 

The three girls joined hands in a ring. Each took a moment to gather herself before pulling one another into the center of their circle. When all three embraced, a light began to glow from within their bodies. Sesshomaru had seen a light similar in appearance being carried by soul collectors. But these were noticeably different in manifestation. Each glimmering orb had a pinkish center, gradually fading to a hazy white outline. It was stunning, and the demon admonished himself for being caught off guard by the true beauty of Rin's soul. Without warning the light exploded into a blinding brilliance, and with a resounding boom nearly knocked Sesshomaru off of his feet. After reaching its full intensity, the light began to slowly wan.

 

When the light faded completely, Rin emerged as one person. Exhausted from the ordeal, the girl staggered just to stay upright before finally finding stable footing amongst the littering of bones on the floor. It struck Rin as odd that she would think of this, but she could not help wondering how many of the skulls she was standing on were human. Probably not many, seeing as the Inu no Taisho had a reputation of being sympathetic to humans. She looked at the dog demon in front of her, who was the son of the demon she was standing inside of, and wondered how many human skulls she would find in his belly.

 

Sesshomaru shattered bones underneath his boots as he quickly moved to Rin's side in anticipation of her needing assistance. The girl merely smiled and shook her head.

 

“I'm alright,” she sighed. Rin lifted her head and swiveled it around for a moment before facing Sesshomaru once again. “This is your father,” she stated, though meant as a polite question.

 

The dog demon nodded, and began to look around for himself. The Inu no Taisho had been impressively large, even for a demon. In his true form Sesshomaru failed to reach even half the size of his father. As a boy growing up he idolized everything the older demon had. There was the land, and the army, and the limitless power he had at his disposal to make the young demon feel intimidated. It had been his sorest desire to make the great dog demon lord proud. As he grew older, Sesshomaru's eyes were unclouded from the truths of the world that only become visible with age. Suddenly the Inu no Taisho was no longer a god, but a man. Though he was still powerful, he had once been standing in Sesshomaru's youthful shoes and yearning to equal his own father in strength. Greatness of this caliber could be achieved.

 

When Izayaoi entered the picture, Sesshomaru no longer concerned himself with becoming his father's equal. The god turned man was transformed once more; now he was a weak-minded fool. He had become the literal lapdog of some inconsequential human female. Sesshomaru's view of the past changed when the Inu no Taisho married Izayaoi. Gone were the visions of power and prestige. He had always been weak—it was so obvious now. The young demon felt foolish for ever idolizing his father in the first place. How could he have once thought of this pathetic creature as above his own stature? He had driven himself towards an ideal that never was. Everything he had achieved on his own served to further himself towards a perfection that only he could have. He was strong enough alone now, and in the waning shadow of his father it became more and more obvious to Sesshomaru that he was destined to have greatness. It came naturally.

 

Sesshomaru realized, standing inside the remains of the Inu no Taisho, how similar he was to his father despite every effort to prove otherwise. His perfect mind had come up with nothing but imperfect courses on which to carry out his life into the future. Each path was carefully checked for signs of his father's footprints before it was used. It mattered not if the paths he chose were less prudent because of this. And it was because of this stubborn rebellion that he had accidentally chosen a path which led right back to where he had left his father. The Inu no Taisho's motives were understood now. Sometimes in the quest for glory, despite your best efforts, you end up following your heart.

 

It was a grim prospect, knowing that his time in Hell was only the beginning of the hardships ahead. Sesshomaru had no way of telling how long he had been in this dismal world, and could not know how much of his empire was being destroyed as time ticked by. Would he surface in time to fix everything? Or would he arrive home to utter chaos, and have to fall into a war he knew had been long in coming? Would his lands survive? Did he still care? And what of Rin? Would she still have a place in his world?

 

The dog demon blinked the scales of his reminiscence from his eyes and found himself staring at the lovely girl before him. He knew she was lovely, but he had been afraid to admit it before, as if admitting this would somehow make him more susceptible to having feelings for her. But now he realized the statement was a fundamental truth, and not a sentimental rambling. It was just like saying, “The fire is hot,” or, “The water is wet.” Rin is lovely.

 

She was wearing an elegant kimono of an exquisite design; layers of white, red, and mandarin alternated under the outermost layer of indigo, making six robes in all. A small mandarin orange obi was tied around her waist, complimenting nicely the cerulean fans patterning the top kimono. As stately as her clothes were, her hair was down and simple with only a thin, orange ribbon tied around a braided lock on the side of her head. In a funny way, it reminded Sesshomaru of that stubby little ponytail Rin used to wear as a child. It was a true pity that her clothes were not real in the living sense. The dog demon mentally noted the design so he might be able to commission a similar outfit for her once they were back in the Western Lands.

 

If she would permit him, that is.

 

“I'm ready, if you are,” Rin said in a trembling breath.

 

“You are sure of the way you must go?” Sesshomaru asked, growing concerned.

 

Rin had informed him she could only surface back into the world through the place she had last been. She could re-enter her body then; except her body had been moved, so her soul would have to move to find it. This was something a soul should not do on its own. Ghosts were easily lost in the mortal world, because they would forget their past lives. Being essentially born again, they forgot everything except for the fact that they were dead. Being robbed of everything they once had tended to make vengeful spirits out of formerly gentle souls. Sesshomaru merely had to look at the grief and suffering his half-brother endured from the undead miko he associated with. Parallelism would indeed be a cruel fate.

 

It would be hazardous enough for Sesshomaru to guide Rin back home, but the circumstances could not be helped. Her body was too broken to be moved. Sesshomaru also worried that Rin's body had decayed past the point of recovery. It was possible that she could bring herself back to life, only to die again moments later from the mutilation she suffered in life.

 

The girl nodded gravely. “I know how to get there. I don't know how long it will take me, but I will come.”

 

The demon nodded as he stood there dumbly, clenching and unclenching his fists. “Then I shall meet you there,” he finally declared, though he was ashamed in the lack of confidence in his words. Sesshomaru simply could not cover his doubt that Rin would be able to survive without him being with her.

 

Rin noticed it as well. “I will be there, and I will wait for you,” she said, “no matter how long it takes. It is entirely up to you to find me again and bring me home. I cannot do that myself.”

Sesshomaru nodded. “This Sesshomaru will not fail,” he growled. His hands were still twitching wildly. It had been awhile since he had used them in combat. Without Tenseiga to guard his passage, he knew not of what manner of dangers his return would be fraught with. Tokijin would be his primary defense, but he did not want to be left without a backup should something happen.

 

Satisfied, Rin turned to leave. Her own travels would be full of peril, and she was without any means of defense. She could not know how long it would take for her to make it back to the surface, but she would not rest until she did. Rin knew that though she had relied on Sesshomaru for protection when she was younger, she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself now. After all, it was what he had taught her to do.

 

The weight of every worrisome possibility began piling up in the caverns of Sesshomaru's mind. He could not support her through this; he had to rely on her strength completely if he was going to see her again. He would just have to trust that he would not lose her again.

 

Sesshomaru took to the sky and did not look back.

 

Rin watched him leave before she too made her departure. Her robes began lengthening, lifting her up until she too was in the air. The girl sighed wistfully. She had nothing to look back to, and yet she did; the future was too uncertain for her to turn her eyes forward.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Kouga raised his fist to the sky and, for the eighth time that morning, cursed whatever fates had decided to plague his life with these damn mutts.

 

The wolf prince had been woken very early in the morning. It wouldn't have been too bad; normally, he could shrug off whatever disturbance it was and go right back into a deep sleep. But not today. When he bolted upright, a chain reaction occurred which did not stop for anything until the sun had finally set and he was back in bed once more. Except it wasn't his bed; it was a bed in the Western Palace. And it looked as though tomorrow was going to start on the same foot all over again.

 

It had been…a day. Quite a day. A long day. A fan-fucking-tastic day. However you wanted to describe it.

 

During the wee hours of the morning, a heavily sleeping Kouga was shaken awake by an energetic Ayame. Rubbing his eyes and rolling over, he was met by a devious smile and a hand down the front of the fur pelt at his waist.

 

“Good morning,” the demoness cooed.

 

Kouga groaned and raised a hand to his forehead. “Shit, woman,” he griped while massaging his temples, “can't you let me sleep for another hour before you go doing that?”

 

Ayame frowned. “You don't want me?” she whimpered in a hurt tone.

 

“I'm tired,” Kouga snapped.

 

This was probably what started everything spiraling into motion. Looking back, Kouga realized if he hadn't made the crucial mistake of saying those words, perhaps things would be different. Perhaps he'd be in his own den, bedding down for the night with his pregnant wife after eating a fresh kill that Ginta and Hakkaku helped hunt down. But no. He had to tell Ayame he was tired. Well, he was sure tired now.

 

The wolf demoness jerked herself away and hovered over her husband. “Is it because I'm ugly now?” she hissed. “Is that it? Because I'm too fat? Or are you wishing I was someone else?”

 

“Fuck!” Kouga yelled, sitting up. “I can't believe you just said that! You know damn well how happy I am with you! You're carrying my damn kids!” Wolves never had single births, and from what Kouga could discern from the kickings and punchings within Ayame's belly, there were at least three little ones in there. It would be their first litter, and the wolf prince was immensely pleased at the prospect of being a father. His comrades had been avenged with the death of Naraku, and the neighboring wolf clans had banded together under his rule. Now it was his turn to take part in the repopulation of his people.

 

He just prayed the pups would take after him, and not their mother. Otherwise he was never going to get a moment's peace.

 

“So am I just the mother of your children now, and no longer your wife?” Ayame shot back bitterly. Her vibrant green eyes watered with tears, and her lower lip trembled.

 

The wolf prince shook his head, with both hands desperately rubbing his temples. “Woman!” he bellowed. “Can you just leave me alone and let me sleep?!”

 

Apparently, “leave me alone” was translated by Ayame as “kick me in the ribs so hard that I roll out of the room.”

 

Kouga let a string of curses fly as he pulled himself to his feet and staggered off to hopefully find another place where he could try to sleep. In this process, he was nearly mowed down by an over-excited Ginta as he rushed into the den.

 

“Kouga!” Ginta cried joyfully. “I was just coming to wake you up!”

 

The wolf prince grunted. “Ayame beat you to it,” he muttered darkly. “And why were you going to wake me in the first place?”

 

Ginta and Hakkaku had both taken wives and were steadily building their own families in a neighboring den. But the two right hand men of the great prince Kouga were not about to let something as trivial as a family stop them from being their leader's constant body guards.

 

“There's someone here to see you,” Ginta explained. “Hakkaku caught sight of a messenger just a few hours ago, and they're both nearly here. Someone important, from what he could tell.”

 

Great. Kouga scratched the back of his head and yawned. Should probably get dressed for this.

 

From the bedroom section of the den, he could hear Ayame sobbing rather dramatically. Prospects were slim that he was going to be able to go back in there to get his breastplate without blood being shed. Whoever it was coming would just have to put up with an armor-less warrior prince.

 

Hakkaku arrived soon after, but Kouga didn't need to be told where the messenger had come from. He could recognize the stench of dog coming up the mountain already.

 

“One of Sesshomaru's lackeys,” he growled, answering his lackeys' unspoken question.

 

If Ayame hadn't been in such a foul mood, Kouga probably would not have been motivated into leaving the den and journeying to the Western Lands as the messenger requested. But as Kouga later realized, everything could have probably changed for the better if he had just kept his mouth shut.

 

So here he was: wifeless, sleepless, and backed into a proverbial corner. And for as much as Kouga didn't like it, there wasn't a damn thing he could do, really.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

“You owe this Sesshomaru a blood debt,” the dog demon rumbled in a low, even tone.

 

Kouga looked heaven-ward and mentally cursed before turning to face his gracious host. “So what if I do? I don't remember owing you anything!”

 

“Bastard,” Sesshomaru gritted through his teeth, “you know of what I speak.”

 

The wolf pretended to be ignorant, but he did understand what Sesshomaru was referring to.

 

“That's him, Sesshomaru-sama!” the little girl cried fearfully. “That is the wolf that killed Rin!”

 

The dog demon stalked over to where Kouga stood, and glared menacingly. “Do you deny this?” he baited.

 

Kouga nearly laughed out loud. “How would I know?” he shouted in exasperation. “I don't kill humans anymore, and when I did, I didn't keep track. Besides, if I supposedly killed the whelp, then how is she alive and fingering me for it now?”

 

Truthfully, he'd hoped this would settle the matter. Of course he knew who the girl was. Ginta and Hakkaku had informed him of her existence after their own encounter with Sesshomaru that same day. Kouga had always hoped that the dog demon would forget about it in favor of Naraku.

 

And he did, apparently. Except Naraku was dead, which meant there was time to think about other things. A dog demon with a freshly aroused murderous mind was not something to be tangled with. Someone could end up losing a limb.

 

“Bastard,” the dog demon grunted. “You owe a blood debt to this Sesshomaru. It will be honored one day.”

 

Apparently that day was today.

 

“Your debt is due,” the demon lord declared ominously. “This Sesshomaru requires a service, wolf.”

 

Kouga frowned. “A service? What the fuck do you mean, a service?”

 

“You will ally yourself temporarily with this Sesshomaru. You will stay here and negotiate against the Eastern and Southern lords. You will provide military support if required.”

 

“And why should I?”

 

Sesshomaru looked away, his face slowly darkening. “It is in you best interest to do so,” he answered in a smooth, low voice.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Lord Takeda had been the first to show up at the Western palace demanding answers. A leading general under his command was dead, along with his entire battalion. There was no assassin to blame for this; Sesshomaru had deliberately stormed and slaughtered his way through this part of the Eastern Lands.

 

But Takeda was no fool. The Southern Lands had not chosen sides in this matter yet, and even if they did form an allegiance with the East they would still be no match for the Western armies. As much as Lord Takeda's demon blood screamed to spill blood and split heads for the dishonor he had suffered, he knew the result would be his ruin. That left only one option: diplomacy. Sesshomaru was belligerent and ruthless, but he was also a nobleman. He understood the nature of his actions called for reparations on the part of the East. He also understood that a war would be suicidal on Lord Takeda's part. Honor therefore dictated that satisfaction be delivered in a more gentlemanly fashion.

 

Therefore Takeda wanted his lands back.

The Lady Mieko was not the simpering brat she had been during her last visit to Sesshomaru's shiro. Always much stronger than her brother, she had wholly embraced the responsibilities befitting an heir to an empire; the weight now on her shoulders was conscientiously borne. She had risen to her father's left hand position, and become his second shadow. And, just like her father, she was incensed over General Shouji's death. However, Mieko had different reasons for her rage.

 

Rumors were spreading that Shouji had some kind of blackmail on Sesshomaru, and that was why the dog demon had been so thorough in his slaughter. More intimate versions of these rumors included a human female as the center of the dispute. The two males became rivals because of something this supposed girl had or knew. But these speculations did not make much sense, because there was no motive behind them. Unless the human female was the supposed assassin that Sesshomaru had killed in exchange for land. It had only been a wild theory in the past, but when coupled with these new circumstances, too many pieces fit to merit ignorance. If this truly were the case, then Sesshomaru had deliberately made an attempt on Shouji's life for his own benefit, and used a weapon that would be hard for the playboy general to resist.

 

Mieko was newly betrothed to said general, putting Shouji in a position of great power. Had he lived, he would have eventually become the new Lord of the Eastern Lands. While the moth demoness had no real emotional attachment to her husband-to-be, she knew the arrangement could not get any better for either party. Shouji would have his power, and Mieko would have a strong, handsome husband to breed strong, handsome heirs with. There was no doubt that Shouji would still continue his flirtations with every woman in his sight, but this meant Mieko would have a blind eye turned to her periodically. This left her open to any number of possibilities as a ruler. No other man would be this unrestrictive. Now she was faced with the search for a new husband, and the prospects looked discouraging. Mieko's dreams of power and prestige were crushed, and she held Sesshomaru accountable for it.

 

The two ruling moth demons and their party of advisors had already been waiting for two days inside the palace for the Western lord to return. The air was thick with tension, and Sesshomaru was embarrassed by the snarls and clipped demands he gave to those around him. He knew what Takeda wanted, but he could not give it to him in good conscience. The lands confiscated by the West had already been scouted and developed to accommodate areas for tactical military defense. Giving these lands over would give a significant advantage to Takeda. Word was also quickly spreading that Lord Ryu of the Southern Lands had caught wind of the negotiations going on and wanted his fair share as well.

 

Sesshomaru was dealing with two very angry and very greedy demon lords who would not hesitate to take his head. If he engaged in war against both Takeda and Ryu, the outcome might not be in his favor. If it wasn't for Rin…

 

If it wasn't for Rin, he wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. He would be in much deeper turmoil, because if it wasn't for Rin, Sesshomaru would have not hesitated to open war on three separate fronts and expect to win. If it wasn't for Rin, he wouldn't have spent time away from his conflicted empire, possibly letting it slip an irrevocable distance into chaos. He would have lost her to the ages, and with that lost everything that was remotely good and pure in his life. If it wasn't for Rin, he wouldn't be backed into a corner with only one escape. And it was partly because of Rin that he did not like what that one life-line meant.

 

He needed an ally. War of this kind would do nothing but destroy the four lands and dissolve the demon monarchy. There was no way he could confidently face his enemies while his back was against a wall. The East and South were at his gate, demanding blood for blood. There was only one direction he could turn.

 

North.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

“How do I know that you won't turn around and betray me when this is all over?” Kouga demanded. “There is a reason you're being targeted, you know.”

 

Sesshomaru curled his lip and bared his fangs. “This Sesshomaru has no desire for your territories,” he scoffed. “You would not be here now if that were not true.”

 

Kouga nodded shrewdly. “That may be,” he countered, scratching his chin, “but I fail to see how this exchange is equivocal on both ends.” The wolf smirked, rather proud of his sarcasm. He was never a noble in the same way that Sesshomaru, Takeda, and Ryu were. His kingdom was a mountainous wilderness, and his palace was a cave. But he was not ignorant to the ways of nobility. He merely chose to not partake in them. Quite frankly, Kouga viewed himself as above the superficial snobbery he observed in the neighboring lands, just as they in turn saw him as a brutish, brainless savage. He wasn't about to go and dispute that; there were some elements of truth in the implications. His image served him well, and that meant that the other lords left him as far alone as possible.

 

Now Sesshomaru was asking him to get involved. There would be heavy repercussions for whatever decision he made, regardless. Kouga knew that if he decided to pull back, there would be a good possibility of war. War meant conquest, and conquest meant that his lands would be seen as one more item on the trophy list. But if he decided to stay and throw in his lot with Sesshomaru, there still could be a war. Granted, the West and North allied together could easily decimate the East and South, but it still meant lives would be lost from his troops. It also meant that in the future, should something like this ever happen again, he would not be able to stand idly by.

 

The wolf prince narrowed his eyes and grunted. “Give me the night to consider it,” he grumbled. “I'll tell you what I think tomorrow morning.”

 

Sesshomaru ground his teeth but refrained from any kind of outburst. This was just one more delay, which meant it just placed more time in the space that separated him from Rin. Each hour was critical.

 

When he had returned and checked on Rin's body, he had been disheartened to find the wounds from her first death had already completed themselves, and her second death was beginning to take form. A healer had been summoned to stitch the openings in her neck and belly closed as they formed, but the effects were still gruesome. Her skin was growing ashen and waxy. Her chestnut hair was dark as dead wood. The skin around her fingernails was beginning to shrivel back. The smell of death thickened the air. Still, without the Tenseiga Rin would decay even further, beyond all hope of repair.

 

The dog demon rose and waited for his guest to do the same. Bowing politely, Sesshomaru then excused them both from the chamber so that he could put into motions the preparations of a room for Kouga.

 

He led the wolf through a corridor, before opening a door that led directly into the courtyard and gestured outside.

 

“You may wait out here,” he gruffly commanded. “When your quarters are ready there will be a servant sent to fetch you.”

 

Kouga smirked. The dog was really putting on airs by offering a civilized bed to a purported beast. He watched Sesshomaru leave, and couldn't help himself.

 

“Hey!” he called after his host. “Make sure that little frog of yours knows I like extra blankets!”

 

Sesshomaru snarled but did not turn back; he merely stomped loudly and quickly away. Kouga laughed in spite of himself. Apparently hot tempers ran in the family.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Jaken did not take too kindly to the wolf's ridiculous demands. After all that had happened in the past weeks, his nerves were nearly fried beyond recognition. Kouga found it all quite amusing, which was why he went out of his way the next morning to hunt the toad down and demand a bath be prepared. After all, if he came home smelling nice, Ayame might be open to the idea of forgiving him by the end of the month. He hoped.

 

Where is that damn frog? Kouga grumped, hunting up and down the palace halls. The stench of dog was especially thick down one particular corridor, and the wolf deduced it was Sesshomaru's personal wing of the mansion.

 

Which meant there was a greater likelihood of finding Jaken there.

 

“Oi, frog!” Kouga called as he sauntered down the hall. From behind one of the doors, he could hear Jaken cussing out his annoyance towards his new pet name. The door slid open, and the agitated imp poked his slimy head out to glare at the wolf.

 

“What do you want, you menace?” he demanded hotly.

 

Kouga stifled his laughter at the sight. So this is why the mutt insists on keeping this walking cabbage around, he thought wryly. I don't know how he stays so stone-faced when he has such a willing victim to kick around.

 

The wolf was about to begin his rant on the poor quality of his sleep because of the inferior nature of his bedding, when he caught a whiff of something quite dead. Kouga gagged and blinked his fastly tearing eyes. The smell was definitely coming from inside the room Jaken was standing in. It had been a long time since he had been exposed to this particular odor, but Kouga knew with no mistake that it was the smell of a dead human.

 

Curiosity has never been exclusive to cats, and Kouga had never been particular about offending anyone by sticking his nose into matters that were definitely not his business.

 

“What the fuck do you have in here, stinkin' up the whole place?” he demanded impatiently. Rushing through the toad was easy; he merely kicked Jaken to the side and entered the darkened room to have a look around.

 

“Get out of here right NOW!” Jaken screamed, lunging towards Kouga with his two-headed staff. The imp began wildly attacking with his weapon, aiming deliberately for the wolf's kneecaps.

 

Kouga yelped in pain, but jumped further into the room to stay out of reach of his assailant. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a body on a bed; quite obviously, this was what he was searching for.

 

Jaken managed to take Kouga by surprise by running headlong towards the wolf, leaping into the air, and latching onto his target's back. With new fervor, Jaken began beating Kouga on the head with his staff, eliciting a series of sharp, canine yips and the foulest curses imaginable.

 

“Get the FUCK off my head you fucking frog!” Kouga bellowed, clawing wildly at his parasitic attacker. Quite obviously he had stumbled onto something he was definitely not supposed to see, which made him all the more determined to see it.

 

He didn't want to permanently injure the little demon, but Kouga could not see any peaceable option that would result in Jaken leaving his head. With controlled strength, Kouga grabbed the retainer by his collar and pitched him across the room where he landed just short of the wall. Too stunned to move for the moment, Jaken watched helplessly as Kouga edged closer to the bed.

 

“I swear wolf,” Jaken muttered darkly, “if you touch her I will kill you.”

 

But Kouga was too busy being shocked by what he saw on the bed to be shocked by Jaken's uncharacteristic threat.

 

“This is---” he gasped, but couldn't finish his thought. He knew that it wasn't her, but—

 

Kagome, he reeled, this girl looks so much like Kagome when—

 

Kouga forced himself to break his thoughts before they caused him any more grief. He'd worked so hard to bury that particular memory, and the wounds from that day had no chance to heal because of this denial.

 

The final battle with Naraku had not been kind to anyone involved. There had only been two casualties suffered: the demon slayer boy, and the girl.

 

She had given her life to protect another. Perhaps she did not realize that the blow she stepped into would be fatal. Knowing Kagome, she probably knew and did it for that very reason. It had felt like time stopped on the battle-field as he watched the little miko girl crumple in a heap on the grass. Everyone was screaming, as if their voices together could call her back. He had watched her give her final breath in a bloody cough, and then slump into the dirt with a content smile. And the girl Kagome had died to save kept fighting, because that was what Kagome would have wanted.

 

True, Kagome had been brought back. The undead miko that had been spared from the strike that took her reincarnation returned the favor in kind. By laying down her own life, the borrowed pieces of Kagome's soul returned to where they had always meant to be. Kikyou crumbled to dust, and Kagome gasped wildly for air. Yes, Kagome had survived, and she had gone on to live between the two worlds she called home. By day, she was a high school student, a shrine maiden, and devoted daughter. When the evenings came, she returned to the world where she was a revered priestess working to rebuild what Naraku had undone, and—

 

---and—

 

---wife to Inuyasha.

 

This was the human girl that followed Sesshomaru. And, judging from the way she looked, Sesshomaru was not taking her death lightly.

 

He knew the wounds on her body as well as he knew the splinters of a twig, or the crumblings of a stone. She had been killed by a wolf, but it was not the cause of the death he saw now. These were old wounds, newly opened and decaying her body further. Whatever was going on was being tried desperately to stop.

 

Jaken had gotten back onto his feet and jumped onto the bed where he stood beside the dead girl. His staff was aimed carefully towards the wolf, ready to blaze with fire should the threat arise.

 

“You're responsible for some of this, you mangy beast,” the imp hissed. “Those marks are your doing from when she was a child.”

 

Kouga blinked in disbelief. He did not understand why the girl was dead. He had no idea why her past death was manifesting itself once more on her skin. But he did know that smile on her lips. It was a smile of content, and she had found that contentment in death. The girl had been killed unjustly, and had found peace in spite of it; perhaps even because of it.

 

“I'm sorry,” the wolf stammered, backing away. His eyes darted nervously around the room, suddenly afraid of what he might find lurking in the shadows. A very large demonic aura was approaching, and Kouga knew it would not be good to be found here. Without saying anything further he quickly left the room and shut the door.

 

Sesshomaru was standing quietly in the hall, nearly making Kouga jump.

 

“I'm sorry,” he apologized again. It was times like this that he needed to remind himself that Sesshomaru was not Inuyasha. The full-blooded dog demon would not hesitate to exact whatever punishment his sadistic mind designed at a moment's notice.

 

“I'm sorry,” the wolf repeated, but this time it was not meant for himself. I'm sorry for that poor girl.

 

Sesshomaru saw the light of understanding in Kouga's eyes, and softened. This was something the wolf could relate to. This was something he had once fought for. He might fight for it again.

 

“She was tortured, in every way possible. She took her own life,” he slowly explained. “She was the one responsible for the murders in the South and the East.”

 

Kouga's eyes widened. This girl had killed all of those demons? By herself?

 

“She was captured,” the wolf realized aloud. “She was captured and tortured by that Shouji person.”

 

“But she did not need to die,” Sesshomaru growled softly. “She did nothing that was not of this Sesshomaru's own design. She lived a life that was not her own, and died a death she did not deserve.”

 

“Ah,” Kouga answered in a dry whisper. He understood now. Inuyasha was not the only dog demon with a fondness for innocent, brave women who gave their lives so their men could have a life worth living.

 

Except there would never be a life worth living without her.

 

“You have my sword,” the wolf prince pledged solemnly. “Let me send word to my clans. I will sit with you when Ryu comes.”

 

Sesshomaru lowered his eyes. Rin's blind service to him continued to bring him the upper hand in politics. It shamed him to use her death to his advantage, but—

 

---but—

 

---he was weak without her.

 

The wolf demon walked away in silence, leaving Sesshomaru alone to eavesdrop on Jaken.

 

“I got rid of him, Rin-chan,” the faithful retainer cheered, trying to mask the tears in his voice. “He can't hurt you again, not anymore.”

 

No, Sesshomaru promised, not anymore.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

The battlefield.

 

It had been a month since he had last set foot on this earth. Only a few bodies littered the ground, decaying into the dirt. Soldiers left to this fate were the ones with no family, no friends, and no one else to speak of. They were the ones forgotten as the wives, and mothers, and children came to weep for their departed, before taking the bodies to an honorable burial. These were the shells of the unloved.

 

Sesshomaru plucked from the ground a cracked piece of the pearl. Gone was the luster of its skin. The rosy blush was now a flat gray, only a few shades lighter than a common stone. That is what it became when Rin smashed it; how fitting then that it should lose its brilliance from losing her soul. It was that property alone that made it so much more than a rock. Rin's soul could transmute mud into china, rough ore into polished steel, or a patch of weeds into a lush forest. That was its power.

 

The demon knew its effects well. After all, it had changed him too. He couldn't quite say what he had become because of Rin, but he knew some small, internal part of his being had been permanently altered.

 

Where was she? Was he too late to save her once again? Or was she the one breaking the promise this time?

 

His breastplate still bore the scratch Rin had made with the pearl. Sesshomaru looked down absently to reassess the damage, but was taken aback by what he saw. Haunting his waking eyes was Rin's face, smiling and dying all at once. She was falling, and he could not catch her…

 

Sesshomaru stumbled backwards a few steps before regaining his composure. This place was doing terrible things to his mind. In-between his fingers and thumb, he could feel a gritty substance; closer inspection revealed that he had crumbled the lone shard from the pearl he'd been holding. How fragile it seemed! When Rin held it, there was no force strong enough to break it, or at least he'd previously thought that to be true. The only force strong enough to break it when Rin held it was Rin herself. This possibility had never been factored into the equation of their relationship. Quite simply, he was supposed to protect her, and she was not supposed to die in return. There was no extra space for other alternatives—it was what it was. He was the one responsible for unbalancing the scale by failing to protect her. In hindsight, he wondered why he'd been so shocked at Rin's actions, when subconsciously he had to have known the outcome of the new equation he'd just written.

 

A nose startled him, and relieved him all at once. He turned to look over his shoulder and saw Rin step out from behind a dead tree.

 

“You're here,” she murmured. “You came.”

 

~*~

 

Rin had been waiting for him to come for three days. She knew the chances of her meeting him just as she arrived were impossible, but she had hoped that he would arrive by the next morning at least. Everything about the mortal world was painful to her. She could feel her soul struggling to stay intact; if she lost her mind then she would lose everything. Each passing day tore her sanity apart a few threads farther. She began to convince herself that Sesshomaru would not come. At first, she could shrug off her fears as a product of her growing dementia. But she soon forgot that her fears were mere delusions. Rin began to believe.

 

And now he was here. She wasn't seeing things; Sesshomaru had actually come and was standing right in front of her. But a part of her made her wait. She wanted to see how he would react to not finding her there. Would he get impatient and leave? Would he sit and wait?

 

The demon seemed content to take his time. He walked slowly around the field. He bent down to pick something up from the ground. The pearl, she realized, or what was left of it. She watched as Sesshomaru ran his fingers over the scratch on his breast plate, then fall backwards awkwardly a few steps. He was struggling with something she could not see.

 

Sesshomaru clenched his fists and narrowed his eyes in thought. He was going to stay. Rin could not stand hiding in the darkness for a moment longer.

 

“You're here,” she murmured, stepping forward from the shadows. “You came.”

 

The demon swallowed. “Yes,” he rasped. “This Sesshomaru promised to come.”

 

“You're here,” Rin repeated. She mentally kicked herself for being so simple, but words were failing her. “I am…”

 

But she trailed off. She was not glad to see him, or at least not completely. Her soul still held the pain of his betrayal. But she was not completely angry with him either. Slits of love scarred her heart, and would never be able to heal.

 

“We should be going,” Sesshomaru interrupted bluntly.

 

Rin nodded, suddenly grateful for the demon's emotionless nature. Each second she spent apart from her body in this state was excruciating. It would be nice to be able to feel warm again, or smell flowers, or taste food. She did not know what the next day had in store for her, but she was certain she was strong enough to face it on her own.

 

The girl stood behind her escort and put her palm against his back. Taking this as a sign she was ready, the dog demon built up his demonic aura so they could take flight. Neither spoke; they simply looked towards the West, waiting for home to appear on the horizon.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Rin was seriously beginning to have second thoughts about all of this.

 

Her limbs were thrashing wildly as she struggled for breath. The taste of blood burned her tongue. The entire room seemed to be pressing down on her, and everything hurt.

 

“Get something to prop her up, Jaken!” Takako cried.

 

The worried imp scrambled to find some thick, winter blankets. He could only carry one at a time; after three trips, he began stuffing the blankets behind Rin's back while Takako held the girl up.

 

The slight elevation began taking its effect, and Rin could feel her breaths coming with greater ease. Tears were streaming down her face, and she soon broke out into low, slow sobs. This was not how she had envisioned her second chance to be. The past five days had been beyond miserable. She couldn't eat, only slept in short but deep naps, had to be constantly helped by someone to do anything, and did not have a single moment when she was not in pain. It was humiliating. Rin was beginning to feel she had made the wrong choice.

 

“Feeling better?” Jaken asked timidly. He held onto Rin's much larger hand as best he could and stroked the top.

 

The girl could feel herself calming. Jaken was at her side most of the time, only leaving when decency demanded so. Takako had not once left the room, as far as Rin could tell, since the day she breathed new life all over again. Both tried everything in their powers to comfort her as best they could, but knew even their best was barely felt.

 

“Would you like some water?” Takako asked. The demoness was pale, with dark circles under her eyes. She felt exhausted, but could not bring herself to leave for fear something might happen.

 

Rin opened her mouth and answered a dry, “Yes.” Her voice was not dependable, and she lost it more frequently than she found it.

 

Takako dipped a rag into the bowl of cool water at her side, then raised the cloth to Rin's mouth. The girl began to gently suck on the wet fabric, taking little swallows as she could manage. Even water could not stay down sometimes, so the three had learned to be careful.

 

“Your stitches look much better today,” Jaken weakly offered. “I think only one more week before they can be taken out.”

 

“And you slept for four hours last night,” Takako cooed. “You're getting better and better every day.”

 

Rin opened and closed her heavy eyes. Whenever she began having her doubts, Takako and Jaken were always there to change her mind. They had absolutely no idea that their kind words and gentle care were convincing Rin that life was worth living.

 

She had caught bits and pieces of what was going on through her two friends. Kouga had brought down a small band of his finest guerilla warriors to surround the Western palace. The effect was quite potent; Takeda and Ryu were less threatening in their demands. Katsuro had been named the catalyst of all of these horrible events. The young general was denounced as a traitor to the West, and as such he was the reason Sesshomaru had stormed Shouji's stronghold. The two generals were conspiring together against the Western lord; therefore Sesshomaru's actions had been defensive. His lands were under a direct threat, and he took what actions necessary to stop it.

 

As for the matter of the so-called assassin, the blame was once again placed on Katsuro. Sesshomaru had indeed destroyed the assassin as he had claimed the first time. But Katsuro, wishing to bring down the Western lord at all costs, began hiring mercenaries to take the place of the dead villain. Much to Sesshomaru's shame, he could not reveal these happenings out of caution. If the nature of this new string of crimes was found out, he would never have been able to ferret out the betrayer he knew was in his house. As promised, each mercenary was found and killed, but it did not end the problem. By killing both Katsuro and Shouji, Sesshomaru asserted that an even greater threat to the neighboring lands had been stopped. As he reminded Takeda, Shouji had been in league with a known traitor; what was to stop him from then betraying his lord?

 

The negotiations were simple. Sesshomaru would give back one-third of the lands he had been awarded in atonement for his deception. Because he had done what he had promised to all along, the remaining land would stay under his control. The conspiracy had been laid to rest, and the four lands could once again live without any fear.

 

Today was the finalizing of the new treaties being drawn. A barrier had been placed over Rin's door as a necessary precaution. She had not been told of Kouga's intrusion, but she had been made aware that a strange demon barging in was a very real possibility. She also had not been told of the wolf's second visit, while she had fallen asleep during her first day back. He did not stay long; he merely wanted to check the girl's progress. Satisfied, he left the room and busied himself with the politics bouncing back and forth between the lands.

 

Rin had received a few visitors, actually. Kyoshii had come a few times, but never stayed long. Rin could tell he was uncomfortable seeing her like this, and did not hold his stiff manners against him. Kado had been brought to the window, and Rin's mattress was dragged over so she could reach her hand up and touch the horse. The move had exhausted her though, and she struggled to stay awake the whole time. Eventually she had fallen asleep, and woken up to find herself back where she belonged. Some of the servants and soldiers who were fond of the girl, and who could be trusted to keep their mouths shut, were allowed in. They were permitted only one, short visit, and there was no guarantee Rin would be awake for it. Still, being told of all of the people who had come to wish her well gave Rin a stronger will to heal.

 

Only one person Rin knew had not visited her. She couldn't say she minded, either. His condescending gaze would not put her in the best of spirits. Part of her did want him to come, but only to make more evident the damages he had caused her. But Rin did not have the energy to be spiteful, so she kept her mouth shut. Perhaps it was for the best. She could see him when she was fully recovered. If he wasn't too busy with his empire.

 

“You should rest, Rin-chan,” Jaken encouraged. “Do you think you can eat something today?”

 

Rin pulled the rag from her mouth and nodded. “I feel…stronger…today,” she heaved. “That last fit…was really tough. But I'm okay.” The muscle spasms were occurring less frequently with each passing day. Before, they had been full-on seizures that almost always knocked her unconscious for a few moments afterwards. Now they merely took her breath away for a second or two, leaving nothing but a dull ache behind as evidence.

 

“This Jaken will see to your dinner then,” the imp said, and excused himself from the room.

 

Rin turned to Takako. “I hate Jaken's soup,” she moaned pitifully.

 

The demoness smiled and smoothed Rin's hair out of her face. “He's gotten better, you must admit. And he only has the best of intentions at heart.”

 

The girl nodded, but looked down with sad eyes. Takako scooted behind Rin so she could try and detangle some of the girl's hair. It had become so brittle and dry, almost like straw.

 

“He was the one who carried your body home,” Takako continued. “He tried to bring that dragon in the house to carry you to your room, but luckily Kyoshii had come up to keep an eye on things. It pains the poor thing to leave your side. The only reason I get any time alone with you is because I convinced him you would be fine if I changed your clothes alone. And I might have slipped somewhere and told him he was a good cook.”

 

Rin smiled brightly. “So mean,” she laughed, but soon started coughing for air. The smile faded back into a tired frown.

 

“I'm sure you would not have done any different,” the older woman, giving a watery chuckle. It had been so encouraging to see Rin's smile again. It was going to take a long time for her to heal fully, and sometimes it was hard to tell if she was making any progress at all. A smile was worth a thousand hours of worrying.

 

She noticed the girl was beginning to nod off, so she reached around and tenderly shook Rin's shoulder. “Wait until Jaken gets back with food,” she half-ordered, half-pleaded. “You can sleep after you eat a little something.”

 

“When did he…start calling me…`-chan'?” Rin murmured.

 

Takako sniffed haughtily. “I told him you wouldn't like it,” she said in a clipped tone. “I'll tell him to stop.”

 

“No,” the girl begged softly. She stopped to catch her breath from the sudden rush of adrenaline. Rin rolled her eyes and tilted her neck back so she could see Takako. “I like it,” she told the demoness with a small smile.

 

The older woman smiled back. “I'm glad you do,” she answered, stroking the girl's cheek. “He worries so much for you, as do I. We care about you, Rin.”

 

“That's why I like it,” Rin sighed, slouching forward. “I guess…I don't have…to call him `-sama'…anymore.”

 

Takako laughed. “Don't do that,” she giggled. “You're the only person who does; taking that away would just crush him. He gets picked on enough.”

 

Rin nodded. “I see,” she replied softly, and let the matter drop. Perhaps it wasn't Jaken that needed to be seen in a different light.

 

~*~

 

Takako sighed and wiped the sweat from her forehead. The summer nights had gotten hotter than she had ever remembered, and yet Rin still shivered under her blankets. She would have asked Jaken to fetch another, but the toad had been…persuaded to leave earlier. As tired as she was, Takako was not about to abandon Rin in that dark room. At least not yet.

 

“She doesn't ask about you,” she whispered to the black void.

 

Nothingness was her reply.

 

“Are you going to tell her?” Takako mocked.

 

The shadow was still silent, and merely stood guard over the room.

 

The demoness sighed in frustration and exhaustion. “You're not doing her any good like this,” she gritted angrily. “She's going to think you've abandoned her.”

 

Finally, a deep voice cut through the night. “You should get some sleep,” was all it said.

 

“Coward,” Takako spat as she rose to her feet. “You're not proving a damn thing by doing this.”

 

She bowed curtly, letting the implications of her words hang in the air, and hoping that their recipient would choke under their weight.

 

I cannot prove what I do not know, Sesshomaru thought solemnly. He watched Takako leave in a huff, like she had every night. The dog demon then turned to Rin and felt a sharp twisting in his chest. He was reaching, but could find nothing to grab onto. And it hurt.

 

I cannot give you what you want, he cursed angrily, not now. It would not be sincere.

 

Takako found Jaken sleeping in a hunched position outside of the door, like every night. She smiled kindly at the little imp. His was the face that met Rin every morning. When she began to wake, Jaken's sharp hearing could pick up the stirrings in the room and send him to action. The door would open, and his master would leave the faithful retainer to Rin's side. Nothing was said, but Jaken knew Sesshomaru would be back again after the sun had set. Takako would arrive shortly after, and together they would carry the broken girl through another day, always hoping.

 

“He's going to break her heart again, Jaken-san,” the demoness whispered with tears in her eyes, “and there's nothing we can do.”

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Sesshomaru thought about having reservations towards sitting in Rin's room and watching her sleep every night. There was just something unsettling about him being alone, in the dark, staring at the woman he'd killed. But he quickly banished that troublesome logic. He was protecting her, as promised. After all the promises he'd broken thus far, he needed to keep this one at all costs.

 

It was almost painful to see. Her body was frail from exhaustion, and had not allowed her to eat solid food since life had reawakened her. A great deal of bed rest was needed. Every moment she was awake was precious time; the more crucial details of her recovery had to be carried out as quickly as possible. From the moment she woke, spoonfuls of miso soup, changes of clothes, and assisted walks around the room were forced upon her. She was recovering, but it always seemed that for each step forward she made, two steps backwards immediately followed. The amount of healing her body needed was sapping any strength before it could surface. As such, Rin had lost a considerable amount of weight, and her clothes bunched and billowed where they once settled and smoothed. The collar of her sleeping robe was a prime example. True, Rin's intent had been to loosen it slightly and provide a vent against the warm weather, but in her sleep the fabric had slumped down her shoulders completely and pushed the sleeves over her hands. Sesshomaru could see her pale skin in the gloom. A delicate halo of blue light floated over the girl's body. But that same fair skin was sunken in spots, marred by sharp bones jutting out from underneath the taut surface and the stitches in her neck.

 

Rin was far from being indecent, but it was more skin than Sesshomaru had ever seen on her since she became an adult. Once again, he was reminded of just how lovely she looked. He wanted to admire it; such beauty begged to be appreciated. But each time he tried, the same thought would stab his heart.

 

Shouji had seen much, much more.

 

There was no skirting about the subject. Sesshomaru could still remember smelling the pungent tang of sex mingled in the air between the broken girl and her demon captor. Barely hours before their battle, Shouji had bedded her and neglected to mask any of the evidence. The stench was sickening to the dog demon; far worse than the scent of her life's blood draining from her steadily dying body. It was a fate worse than death, and he had sent her straight into it. The very image of the conniving bastard enjoying himself with his eyes and hands on her…

 

The scent of blood startled Sesshomaru, and he immediately leaned closer to the sleeping girl. But this was definitely not her blood's scent. Immediately his gaze shifted to himself and discovered his hands were bleeding. Apparently, he'd been clenching his fists, which resulted in digging his claws into his palms. How careless. What would Rin think if she could see him now?

 

Sesshomaru knew her reaction would not be kind.

 

Demons were not gentle creatures by nature, and hardly kind-hearted. Even the little fox kit his half-brother dragged around, for as sweet as he seemed, had an evil streak inside his blood. Furthermore, males across species could be harsh lovers, if given the opportunity. Sesshomaru had not seen the true extent of Rin's injuries, but it had been conveyed to him through the whisperings and mutterings of those attending the girl that she was brutalized in all ways possible.

 

Bruises in the shape of fingers…bite marks on the left breast…skin rubbed raw…dislocated joints…

 

“You really missed out on something here, old boy,” Shouji sneered. Then he leaned in closer. “Confidentially, she's the best I've ever had,” he taunted.

 

Rin had very little about her life that she could claim legitimately as “hers.” Her breath, her food, her clothes, her home, her education, her pet, and her future all originated from Sesshomaru in one way or another. For all intensive purposes, there were really only two things Rin truly owned of herself: her emotions, and her body. Consequently, where there was one, the other would always follow shortly.

 

Sesshomaru had robbed her of one, and Shouji the other. In defiance she took back those which should have always been hers to begin with, and destroyed them so no one, including herself, could ever have them again.

 

He had convinced her to try again. He promised it would be different. She could have a chance at her own life. But there was no escaping her past. It would haunt her no matter what she did. Sesshomaru could give her a chance to start over anew, but he couldn't erase what had already happened.

 

And now any man vying for her affections would have to compete with these ghosts. Her lovers would all be seen through a veil—no, a shroud—that Shouji had sadistically blinded her eyes with.

 

This was yet one more reason why Sesshomaru could not love her, at least in the way that she loved him. He'd be lying to himself if he said he didn't think about possibly loving her like that. Rin was by all standards and practices a very fine woman, and would undoubtedly make a very good wife. She deserved better than a demon, not in the least implying that demon males were inferior to human males. A demon male would not be able to fully appreciate the prism of Rin's heart, nor would he understand her more intimate needs. But there was little hope on her behalf when looking at what the human side had to offer. Izayaoi, Inuyasha's mother, could have had any man of her choosing as a husband because of her noble blood. She rejected her species entirely in spite of this freedom, and chose to love a demon.

 

In fact, Izayaoi was a prime example of why demons and humans should not become romantically involved. From what Sesshomaru had gathered, she was outcast from her family, though she did retain a small portion of her wealth. Though she was seen as base and low for bedding with the Inu no Taisho, her family was not about to disgrace themselves further by making a peasant out of one of their own. Meanwhile, the Inu no Taisho was shunned by the inner circles of demon society, and eventually targeted as an item of conquest merely because of his taste in women. To crown this grand disaster, their legacy was forged in the mingling of their bloods, creating an abominable and wretched half-demon spawn. They were the lucky ones; most half-demons did not survive infancy, if they didn't kill their human mother first. If they did manage to live, usually they were not without some kind of physical deformity. Inuyasha was more dog than dog demon if he was anything at all.

 

The Western Lands had fallen prey to a star-crossed love affair once. Sesshomaru was not about to throw caution to the wind and expect the same to not happen again. He could not do that to himself, or to Rin. He could not allow her to stay.

 

The girl stirred slightly and Sesshomaru held his breath. Rin had rolled onto her side and curled into herself. Her face looked troubled at first, but then she seemed to settle in and relaxed with a heavy sigh. He listened as her breathing fell back into its shallow rhythm once again before he finally exhaled for himself.

 

A strange desire twitched in Sesshomaru's left hand, and he gritted his teeth against it. His fingers practically buzzed with the need to brush Rin's hair from her face. After all, it was resting rather heavily on her cheek and totally obscuring one of her eyes. It was a true pity that her pretty face could not be seen in its whole scope. But such an intimate gesture was intimidating. He had just talked himself out of this kind of behavior towards Rin, and now two seconds later here he was considering the very opposite. He truly was weak then if he could not control himself.

 

Another small sigh from Rin brought her hair further down and over half of her face. Now he could only see the bridge of her nose and one closed eye. Sesshomaru narrowed his gaze. Surely she could not be breathing comfortably with this obstruction over her mouth. Technically he was supposed to look out for her well-being, and this could constitute enough to be considered along that vein. The dog demon swallowed, and then gingerly reached forward.

 

His claws met with her dry, brittle hair and he froze. Rin was much sicker than she appeared. He knew she was weak, but not this weak. Tomorrow morning he would have her attendants work on fortifying the pitiful gruel they fed her. And perhaps a bath. Rin could be carried to the bath house with Takako, and have a nice soak in the warm water. She always liked her baths before. Perhaps he could see about rummaging up some of that cherry soap she used.

 

Carefully, Sesshomaru pushed back Rin's hair until it fell behind her neck and settled. Satisfied, he decided to leave before he found himself tempted to coddle the girl any further. Rising from his spot on the floor, Sesshomaru stood and turned to go. A small sound stopped him dead in his tracks.

 

“Se…ssho…maru-sama,” a voice squeaked weakly.

 

The dog demon whipped his head around to check on Rin. He had presumed her to be asleep; was she now awake? Was she upset with his actions? Or was she dreaming and muttering utter nonsense?

 

“Don't go,” Rin begged in a tiny voice.

 

Sesshomaru clenched his teeth and straightened his spine. So she had been aware of his company. For how long and for what reason, he did not know and was not about to ask. She was still weak; he could hear it plainly in her voice. Risking the possibility of keeping her awake would not be prudent. Rin needed a great deal of rest before she could begin to heal.

 

And yet he found himself sitting back down, unable to deny her simple, foolish request.

 

The girl did not say anything in acknowledgement. Sesshomaru was not even sure Rin knew she had said anything to begin with. But she did nod her head once, and a genuine smile crept across her face, until it slowly faded. To his dismay, Sesshomaru found that the hardness he'd forced over his heart earlier was in pieces now. He could physically feel himself grow soft from looking at her. It was nearly dawn; usually he would have been gone much earlier than this. Tonight it was very difficult for him to leave. He just could not tear himself away from Rin's side. If he was to be seen in this compromising position by one of his servants, rumors would start destroying everything he'd worked so hard to rebuild.

 

Sesshomaru laughed quietly to himself. What were rumors in the grand scheme of things? He had been through much worse, and Rin was at his side because of it. Staying by her side was easy. Letting her go, when it came time to, was the only thing that might destroy him.

 

Let them find me, he thought. Tonight, he would start keeping his promises. He couldn't lose her again. If tomorrow he found that his empire had gone, it wouldn't really matter.

 

Losing her once had shown him how life was not worth living without her.

 

Rin slept on, oblivious to Sesshomaru's torment. He watched her peaceful face, and envied whatever dreams she was having. He couldn't sleep if he had wanted to, anyway; he was afraid to. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her. Each vision was the same: his head in her lap, her hand on his face. And then she smiled.

 

Sesshomaru swallowed noisily as he struggled to erase her from his thoughts. “Rin,” he whispered, “what have you done to me?”

 

And in his mind he heard her reply: Nothing that you didn't already want.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

A/N: I forgot to mention something in my last notes: the scene last chapter where Sesshomaru wakes up in Hell after having water dumped on his head is straight from the manga. When little Rin finds the wounded Sesshomaru in the woods after he fought with Inuyasha, she walks right up to him and dumps a flask of water on his head. The picture is absolutely priceless. It's a pity they cut that out of the anime. I had to steal it. I got Botan a copy of the manga volume with that picture for Christmas, because it also has the first appearance of her skirt-wearing, woman claiming, useless sword toting hero Kouga!

 

Onto more important matters. Like how much I love Kouga (even though he wears a skirt). It was an exciting feeling when I sat down to start outlining this chapter, and realized that I HAD to bring Kouga in. He is such a fun character, because he's got a quiet sort of angst underneath the potty mouth and fur leg warmers.

 

Golly, only two chapters left. I'm getting a little sad. It doesn't help that Botan keeps reminding me that “we're getting close to the end” each time we talk about this fic. I can always relive the glory days by revising.