InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Pearl ❯ Chapter 10 ( Chapter 10 )

The Pearl

 

Disclaimer: Enough already! I got nothin', I tells ya!

 

 

Some women love

to wait

for life for a ring

in the June light for a touch

of the sun to heal them for another

woman's voice to make them whole

to untie their hands

put words in their mouths

form to their passages sound

to their screams for some other sleeper

to remember their future their past.

~Audre Lorde, Stations

 

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. ~Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

“Sesshomaru-sama?”

 

Takako's voice echoed through Sesshomaru's bedroom. The dog demon did not bother to turn around; he continued to lean out of his window and look up at the night sky. How familiar this setting was. He had changed into nothing but a pair of white linen pants in preparation for bed, but he could not allow himself to go to sleep. It wasn't until his head was out the window that he realized how similar his current setting was to one unfortunate night over a month ago.

 

Things would be different though. He had to respect her. She had gone through a great deal of pain and torture on the behalf of her lord. Rin had survived death even, and she was becoming stronger by the day. Sesshomaru knew he could not have been as courageous as Rin if their roles had been switched. If it had been him, he would have killed everyone that dared to oppose him. That was not courage though. Courage is bearing through a time of suffering, even though chances of survival are slim. In that aspect, Rin was much stronger than Sesshomaru. The balance of power had shifted between them. He would have to treat her with the prestige she deserved. Yet no matter what he changed now, Rin still would have been violated, and he still would have betrayed her. She suffered an impossible cost for her bravery, and he had been the one to enforce it upon her.

 

She paid the price for his dreams to come true, but instead he had earned a nightmare.

 

The demon craned his neck and strained his muscles. The small shock of pain felt good. No moon, he thought bemusedly. How unfortunate. The moonlight on her hair would have made everything perfect.

 

Takako boldly stepped into the Western lord's chambers unbidden. Her news could not wait for his manners.

 

“Rin is feeling much better,” the demoness began, “and she is well on her way to making a fast recovery.”

 

Sesshomaru gave no acknowledgement. It wasn't because he was arrogant. He just did not want to hear any more words on the matter. He didn't want to know. Not yet.

 

“She has made her wishes very clear, my lord,” Takako continued. “She realizes she is in no state to move around very much, but she will be on her feet soon enough. Rin has decided that she will stay until she is fully recuperated. But she is not sure where she wants to go after that.”

 

Destination or no, she will be leaving then. The demon lord sighed gently and bowed his head. “And?” he murmured.

 

Takako straightened her posture and swallowed. “And,” she growled, “she has given her ultimatum. Where she may go is unclear, but there is one condition that must be held certain.”

 

Sesshomaru held his breath and closed his eyes.

 

“There is never to be another pearl.”

 

So, the dog demon thought bitterly, Rin still detests her life that much. Even if she does decide to stay, her life will be over soon enough.

 

The demoness smiled bitterly. “Are you agreeable with this, my lord?” she asked.

 

“If it is truly what Rin wishes for,” Sesshomaru answered calmly.

 

Takako flinched. She hated the insolent whelp for the things he had done to Rin, but right now she hated him more for not putting up a fight. If anyone could convince the girl to stay, it was Sesshomaru. He seemed ambivalent towards the situation. Rin was issuing a death sentence for herself; she felt she had suffered enough for one lifetime. There was no doubt her intentions were meant to throw everything Sesshomaru had done for her back in his face. He deserved it. But Rin's death would not wound the Western lord alone; there were many other people who cared for her and wanted her to stay. It wasn't enough though, and it never would be. No matter how much Takako, or Kyoshii, or Jaken loved Rin, she loved Sesshomaru more. To spend eternity in unrequited love was a fate worse than death.

 

“Rin has asked to see you tomorrow,” Takako snapped.

 

Sesshomaru gave no answer. He didn't need one; Takako knew that he would not deny the girl of what she wanted, whether he wanted to or not.

 

The demoness clenched and unclenched her fists. You stubborn ass, she growled in her mind, why won't you do something about this?

 

Takako cleared her throat and her thoughts. “Will you be coming tonight?” she grumbled.

 

Sesshomaru cracked a wry smile. “Of course.”

 

The dog demoness gave a polite bow, and then left. Sesshomaru gritted his teeth. What was he going to say to Rin when he saw her? It would be much easier on the both of them if she left without ever seeing him at all.

 

The frightening truth was that, without Rin's love, Sesshomaru was nothing. But she did not know this, and he was not going to tell her. He had a difficult enough time admitting it to himself.

 

Sesshomaru had woken up in a cold sweat the night before when he realized this harsh reality. He was nothing. Anyone could run an empire. Anyone could take it away. And as the world rose and fell, and all those who trembled at the sound of his name died, Sesshomaru would be forgotten. No one would be able to remember him. He would be the only one who knew he had ever existed. No one could ever match his power, and he had absolutely no intention of dying. He was destined to be alone, but not if Rin was by his side.

 

Sesshomaru could not bring himself to be that selfish anymore. He couldn't make her stay, and he didn't want to. He wanted Rin to be Rin, and he wanted her to love him again. He wanted her to be happy, and he wanted to be happy with her. She was not a mere life-line to immortality; he cared too much for her to treat her like that. Sesshomaru wanted Rin for himself, but for reasons he was not prepared to admit.

 

Ever since she had come into his life, Sesshomaru had been strong. Now he realized it was only because she had been there to support him through every pitfall in her own quiet way. She had never doubted him, and during those years he had never once doubted in himself. He could be impulsive, or ruthless, or irrational, and Rin could always see his inner turmoil. She knew his reasons for not killing Kohaku, as much as he had wanted to. She understood his regret in not being able to save Kagura. She was not surprised by his laughter after the death of Naraku, and all of the fighters were sitting in the grass, exhausted and roaring with nervous energy. Rin had known his inner workings even from the day they had met. His body had taken a severe beating, but it was his pride that needed tending to.

 

Still, this was not anything terribly impressive. Rin had always understood his feelings towards other things in the world. Neither of them had really understood the feelings he had for her. This was the one thing that was not talked about by either of them. Obviously Rin could not know what was going through his heart and mind now. It was a difficult task, but he had to make her understand. If he didn't, then she would surely leave. Sesshomaru had to find a way to tell Rin that he was only as strong as her love for him.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

It had taken her a little over a month to get back on her feet again. Takako and Jaken had persuaded her to stay until she was fully healed, and Rin agreed. She still had not made up her mind as to whether or not she would leave the Western palace, but her state of health gave her time to consider. Rin had made it very clear to herself that things would have to change if she was going to stay; her ultimatum left part of that decision up to Sesshomaru. He could not impose his will on her decisions; not anymore. She had set one rule down on the floor between them: history would not be allowed to repeat itself. Rin's life was her own. She wanted to die, and remain dead, when her time came. This was the only reason she wasn't afraid to follow Sesshomaru out of Hell.

 

Even so, it did not out-weigh the fear she had of loving him still. In spite of everything that had happened, Rin still loved Sesshomaru, and Sesshomaru still did not love Rin.

 

Wait. No, that wasn't entirely true. Sesshomaru still did not know if he loved her.

 

Rin had fought and killed her way into her identity during her past life. Nothing else mattered as long as she knew where she stood in Sesshomaru-sama's empire; she was whom he said she was. Now that she was starting over, there was no reason to subject herself to that kind of suffering again. She could make her own terms. She did not have to be any part of Sesshomaru's empire or Sesshomaru's life if she didn't want to. But there was her problem. Rin had no idea what she wanted, except for the one thing she couldn't have. That was entirely out of her control.

 

It was pathetic, and frustrating, and there wasn't a thing she could do about it. For as much as she despised him, and as much as she still hurt from his betrayal, Rin loved him as well. True, it wasn't the same kind of love that she had felt before; this wasn't some girlish crush, or blind adoration. She loved him because there was a part inside of her heart that had been created for the sole purpose of loving Sesshomaru. He needed it. She needed to give it to him. Rin hated to admit it, and hated even more that she couldn't stop this part from working. He had never asked for her love and never reciprocated it. Why did she still care?

 

He had acknowledged her love. When she had asked him that heart-wrenching question, Rin placed every single shard of hope upon a ledge and waited. Sesshomaru's answer sent all but a few of those pieces tumbling back to the floor, where they shattered even further. Rin couldn't decide what was worse: knowing definitively that he would never love her, or not knowing anything at all.

 

Every morning Rin woke up and asked herself, “Is staying really worth it?” During the day she searched for her reason. Every night she went to sleep satisfied; but it was never enough to keep her from waking up the next morning and starting the process over again. This was because she always managed to come up with the same reason every day, and she refused to let it drive her. It was ignored, and some other reason had to take its place. If she didn't do this, things would be dangerously close to falling back into the way they had been. She had loved him then, and he grew strong from her strength and sacrifice. He lived, and she died.

 

Their relationship had to change, and they both knew it. Everything depended on this.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

He felt like she had caught him picking his teeth, or making rude faces, or adjusting himself.

 

“You do have two hands, you know,” she snickered.

 

Sesshomaru looked down and found himself tying his armor on with his right hand while his left hung limply at his side. Old habits died hard.

 

Rin felt a great weight leave her chest with each note of her laughter. It had been so long since she had a reason to be happy. Suddenly she was finding little, insignificant things to be wonderful. Each morning when she opened her eyes, she opened her eyes to another day of life; no detail escaped her perception. She wasn't afraid to make her observations known either.

 

“You're not taking Aun?” Rin asked amusedly.

 

It was Rin's first time out of the castle. She was eager to ride again, and she jumped at the opportunity as soon as it came. Still, she was not as strong as she would have liked, and would not be able to last very long on horseback. It was also unsafe for her to leave the palace alone still. Though matters had been settled officially, the East and South warily kept their eyes on the West for any signs of Sesshomaru's dishonesty.

 

The dog demon did not break his mask of boredom. “It is not necessary,” he deadpanned. “This is for your benefit.”

 

The girl nodded, hearing the words Sesshomaru was too stoic to say. Kado was not fond of the two-headed dragon, and would not take kindly to its presence. The dog demon did not want to appear considerate of the horse; his intent was for Rin to have a pleasant outing and he wanted nothing to interfere. Still, it felt odd to Rin that he was coming with her at all. It seemed like Sesshomaru was planning on escorting her on foot. The scenario was quite different from anything she had seen him do before. But then again, a lot of things seemed different about him now.

 

“Are you ready?” he asked, cinching the last strap of his armor.

 

Rin nodded. “I just need to put a bridle on Kado,” she hummed cheerily. Today she would ride bareback, but only because she was too weak to put the saddle on herself. She was also too proud to ask for help. After all, it had taken her nearly two days to convince everyone she was well enough to go on this outing. This meant the world to her. Her heart was nearly bursting with excitement.

 

“Race you!” Rin shouted, tearing out and away from the front gate. Kado burst into a strong canter, still stiff but eager to expend all of the energy he'd been forced to save.

 

Sesshomaru lunged forward. It felt like she had torn a hole in his chest as she ran away. Part of him did not want to catch her, because he knew he would still have to let her go.

 

Rin looked back sadly. If he had only followed her the last time she tore away from the castle, things would have been different. She soberly realized however, that just because things would be different did not mean things would have changed. They were changing now. There was still hope.

 

~*~

 

It had been ages since he had just taken off in a run. His demonic strength was thrumming beneath the surface of his skin, begging to be released in full. For now, he had to content himself to keeping pace with Kado. But it still felt good to have the wind streaming across his face and through his hair. The sun shone much brighter, and the trees and grass looked much greener when running, he noticed. Everything about this day was alive in all of his senses.

 

Sesshomaru glanced side-long at Rin just to check on how she was doing. Normally she would talk to her horse as they rode, but she had been quiet ever since they left the palace gates. Was it because he was there? It wasn't like he hadn't heard her do it before.

 

But when Rin met his gaze with a gleam in her eyes and a crooked grin, Sesshomaru knew why she had been holding back. A quick cluck from her tongue and Kado broke into a full gallop, speeding past their escort. The dog demon smirked. He could play along with this.

 

Kado was responding beautifully and seemed to be drawing energy from the playful spirit of his mistress. He had obviously missed Rin, and he had probably been neglected during the whole time she was gone as well. She promised herself to make it up to him with whatever rare, special treat she could round up. Truthfully, she also wanted to spend a night in the stable with her horse, but she wasn't sure how well that would go over with Takako and Jaken. Sesshomaru probably wouldn't have noticed.

 

And speaking of Sesshomaru…

 

He was smiling. Rin could see his fangs poking out from his lips while his mouth curved and stretched across his face. In all of her years traveling with the demon lord, she had never seen him smile like this. He looked so young; in fact, he looked like a boy about her age.

 

Her heart fluttered softly, and Rin did her best to ignore it. Don't think about that sort of thing now, she silently begged of herself. Think about how you're going to beat him.

 

Kado seemed to be of the same mind-set, and jumped into her strategy unbidden. A copse of trees ahead gave horse and rider an advantage over a mere runner. Two sets of eyes sharply watching for obstacles are much better than only one. Without warning, they ducked into the tree-line and disappeared into the forest.

 

The dog demon did not take the bait offered. Rin would probably call him down later for cheating , but it didn't concern him in the least. With a powerful leap, Sesshomaru became airborne and flew over the small forest. Looking down he could see Rin and Kado making their way through the trees. In a moment she would be out in the open again. There had been no formal naming of a finish line; it was understood that, when they reached it, they would just know.

 

She was laughing and he was smiling. And it had only taken them a betrayal, cruel and unusual torture, an enemy driven between them, and a journey to Hell and back to be able to do this with little reservation.

 

Their paces were matched; Sesshomaru made sure of it. The horse surfaced from the tree-line in a heavy gallop. Rin was talking to Kado now, bribing him with promises of food if he would just go faster. Both horse and rider were well aware of the demon flying over their heads, but Kado was not quite comfortable with it. Rin's legs were beginning to ache slightly from the deep shudders the horse between her legs was having.

 

“What's gotten into you?” Rin fussed.

 

From the corner of her eye, she could see Sesshomaru sinking closer to the ground. His feet had yet to touch earth, but he was skimming the surface in flight. It had been so long since she had seen him fly like this. Normally, he would lead Aun along, or just vanish in a blaze of light. He was racing now, pushing the line between his intangible energy force and his controlled mask. Everything about him was engulfed in a white blur, like a predatory cloud speeding along by her side.

 

The sudden impact of his boots against the dirt dissolved any dream-like qualities of his appearance. Sesshomaru immediately sprang into a pounding run, darting ahead of his competition. He'd let her have the lead for long enough.

 

Kado spooked. Startled by the unwelcome presence of a demon running at his side he squealed, and then jerked to a halt while rearing back. Rin immediately felt foolish for deciding not to use a saddle; while her grip on the reins was strong, her body was still too weak to hang on to a panicking horse. Her heart jumped into her throat as she felt herself begin to fall. She screamed.

 

Immediately Sesshomaru skidded into a sharp turn just in time to look back and see Rin's body pitch sideways from her horse. She landed on her front, rolled twice, and then stopped. Kado galloped off in the opposite direction, still hysterical from what just happened.

 

The world began to crumble apart. The forest and sky surrounding them were steadily cracking and falling down, leaving a nothingness in their places. Sesshomaru was filled with such an intense fear that it scared him even further. Every price he'd paid, every tear she'd shed, and everything they had sacrificed together to have this moment was now null and void. And all it took was a few seconds. Some random moment gone wrong was going to destroy everything they'd made.

 

No. Not again.

 

“Rin!” Sesshomaru cried desperately. His voice sounded so childish and afraid, but there was no time to be embarrassed for it. Move, damnit! he willed frantically. Stop lying still and move!

 

She could hear him call her name, but it sounded like he was speaking into a funnel. Rin blinked her eyes open and immediately regretted it. Her head felt like it was spinning, but her body felt even worse. Already she could tell where bruises were forming. Thankfully, she didn't feel like anything had been broken. The fall hadn't been that hard, but if she wasn't in such poor shape it wouldn't matter. Any injuries sustained now, no matter how inconsequential, would take time to heal. But there was no reason to panic; nothing vital had been hurt as far as she could tell. Carefully she began to push herself onto her elbows.

 

The flare of Sesshomaru's demonic aura was almost enough to knock her down again, but Rin managed to wobble just a little before regaining her balance. Painstakingly pushing herself into a sitting position, she uncurled her body upright and raised her head at last. She was greeted with wide, golden eyes mere centimeters from her face. Neither one of them blinked.

 

“I'm okay,” she finally managed to say. “Just a little bruised. Can you help me up?”

 

Sesshomaru stared at the girl for a few moments longer before jumping to his feet and bending down to grasp both of Rin's elbows. Together they pulled her upright. The demon immediately drew closer once more, scenting for any wounds that might need attention.

 

Just bruises, he realized with no small degree of relief.

 

“Um,” Rin gulped.

 

The close proximity they were sharing suddenly became glaringly apparent to Sesshomaru. Swallowing down his discomfort, he gently leaned back and looked down on the girl. But he still could not bring himself to let her go. Not yet. He'd almost lost her in an instant. Crazily, he feared that if he were to release his grip Rin would fall back to the ground, dead. She'd done that once already, and he had let her. Now he would not permit her the choice, though he knew it to be selfish of him. At this point, Sesshomaru was beyond caring, and beyond logic.

 

Rin smiled and laughed nervously. “Really, I'm okay,” she reassured, her breathing heavy. “Kado just spooked when you landed. I guess he's never really trusted you,” she said. Immediately she regretted it. Her face went pale and she tried not to let her mouth fall open when she watched for Sesshomaru's reaction.

 

The demon's eyes narrowed. After a moment, he gingerly released his hold on Rin's arms before turning on his heel and stalking off in the opposite direction.

 

He cracked his knuckles. The horse will die.

 

“Sesshomaru-sama?” Rin squeaked. Is he going where I think he's going?

 

There was no reply, except for the quickening steps of a predator in pursuit of his prey. From off in the distance, Kado neighed plaintively.

 

“Sesshomaru!” Rin screamed, clenching her fists at her side. She had lost enough breath earlier in the fall that her lungs had not fully recovered. A coughing fit shook her chest. From her bleary eyes she could see that the demon had stopped and was turning around. She couldn't clearly discern his facial features, but she could plainly see that his eyes were red. This was only the second time she had addressed him without the honorific, and she hoped that fact was not lost on him.

 

“You will not harm my horse!” Rin shouted, quite livid that he had considered the idea at all. “It wasn't his fault! If anyone's to blame it's you for being so reckless. Now leave him alone!”

 

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow as he considered being told what to do. It was a new concept, and he quickly decided that he did not care much for it. Snorting indignantly, he jerked his head forward and began running.

 

“Please!” Rin screamed, tears beginning to spill from her eyes. “Don't hurt him!” She fell to her knees as she watched the dog demon disappear into the forest. Anxiously she listened for any sign of what could be happening. A terrified squeal and the sound of a tree falling were her answers. Heartbroken, Rin threw herself to the ground and began pounding her fists into the soft grass.

 

“No!” she wailed. “It's not fair! Why do you have to be so selfish?! Why can't you just let me have something of my own?!”

 

She didn't know how long she had been crying when a shadow fell upon her. Grimacing, she lifted an angry face up to greet Sesshomaru's return. But that face fell and was replaced by one of pure surprise. Sesshomaru was glaring down at her and holding out the reins to a quite skittish Kado. Quickly Rin wiped her cheeks clean as best as she could before standing up and taking the offering.

 

Once the reins were safely in the girl's hand, Sesshomaru grunted impatiently and took off once more for the trees. Rin watched him leave in shock before she recovered her senses and began inspecting Kado for any injuries. Other than being scared witless, the horse was fine. Thankful beyond all measure, Rin threw her arms about her friend's neck and allowed herself to cry happy tears for a moment or two. Kado relaxed considerably and affectionately nibbled on Rin's shoulder and hair. After both girl and horse were thoroughly reassured of the well-being of one another, Rin climbed back onto Kado and began waiting for Sesshomaru.

 

Just when she was starting to wonder if he'd left her all alone and began to consider heading back, Sesshomaru appeared. He was walking very slowly towards them, seemingly more composed, with his hands tucked into his sleeves. Rin blushed, ashamed of what she had said earlier. How quick she had been to hate him! And she had been incredibly inconsiderate of his feelings. He must have felt awful indeed to watch her fall like he did, helpless to reach her in time. Rin whimpered when she fully realized just how horribly she had treated Sesshomaru. It wasn't any wonder he'd acted like that.

 

When she lifted her head he was at her side, glaring at her from the corner of his eye. Rin smiled weakly, but could not mask the sorrow and remorse she was feeling. Before she could open her mouth to say anything, Sesshomaru looked away and took one step forward. Removing his hand from his sleeves, he reached over and began slipping the reins over Kado's head.

 

Rin did her best not to gasp, but could not hide all of her surprise. The demon's claws were dirty with bloodstains. Brown splotches mottled his hand to a little past the stripes on his wrist. Something had been killed. Kado, apparently seeing the same thing, nickered and pawed the ground.

 

But Sesshomaru paid the horse no mind. He merely yanked down on the reins and began walking forward, leading both the horse and Rin back home.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

“But I said such terrible things, Takako-san!” Rin insisted. “He hasn't talked to me all day. I think I actually hurt his feelings.”

 

The demoness nearly choked on her tea. The statement itself was hilarious enough, but Rin's delivery made it even more so. The girl was just sitting there with a blank expression on her face, seriously considering how her words might be true. Why, she almost seemed remorseful about it.

 

“Please, Rin-chan,” Takako laughed, “don't be so hard on yourself. Sesshomaru doesn't get his feelings hurt. Only his ego is wounded from time to time; he's just throwing a little temper tantrum right now.”

 

“Really?” Rin asked incredulously. “Because I've seen him like this before, but it just doesn't seem like other times I can remember.” She held her teacup to her mouth but did not drink; her mind was wandering through her memories of times spent with Sesshomaru. To hurt his feelings he would have to have them to begin with, she realized sourly. What is making you so sure that he has feelings towards you?

 

Takako shook her head and patted the girl's knee reassuringly. “He's fine. I've called him far worse things than selfish, and he doesn't care.”

 

Yes, Rin thought, but you're not playing some weird game with him where you're both trying to figure out where you stand with one another. I'm probably worse off than when I started.

 

“In any case,” the dog demoness hurried to add, “if you feel so uncomfortable why don't you just talk to him?”

 

This time, Rin choked. “You're not serious?” she coughed.

 

Takako raised her eyebrow and nodded. “Why shouldn't I be? He'll listen to you.”

 

“That may be,” the girl twitched, “but I don't want to just apologize to Sesshomaru-sama. I know he'll listen to that. How do I have a conversation with him afterwards though? `I'm sorry I said those horrible things. Nice weather today though'?”

 

“The same way you always have,” Takako scoffed. Honestly, you're acting like this is so difficult.

 

But it's different now! Rin silently insisted. He's treating me differently and I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure of what I am to him anymore.

 

The girl sighed and looked down into her tea. After nearly a month of plain green tea, Rin was quite tired of the drink. Today, she had infused the tea with cherry blossoms, giving it a sweet aroma and delicate flavor. One more meal of miso soup with green tea was going to make her sick to her stomach. This evening was going to be her first solid meal since she had come back home, and she was greatly looking forward to it. But she was supposed to have dinner with Sesshomaru, and now he wasn't talking to her. The meal would be quite awkward if things didn't change. Perhaps she should go and say something. At least it would break some of the tension.

 

There had certainly been no lack of friction between the demon and the girl these days. While Rin was back on her feet, she still was not well enough to decide what direction she wanted to trust her fate to. Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was making a concerted effort to spend more time with her. Truthfully she had thought him to be joking when he said he would accompany her on her morning ride. She knew she wasn't supposed to leave the palace alone as a safety precaution, but Rin thought Jaken would be assigned to shadow her around. Sesshomaru was spending more and more time with her, leaving Rin to wonder why. For as much as it was confusing her, she still didn't want it to stop. It felt…nice, in an odd sort of way. For the first time she felt like she could look upon the person she had spent the majority of her life with as a friend. True, he didn't confide in her like Takako, and he didn't banter with her like Jaken, but he had his own way of going about their relationship that allowed Rin to feel a new kind of closeness. It was almost as if he…

 

“I'll try to say something,” the girl moped. “I just hope I can find him; when he gets in these moods he can make himself invisible.”

 

Takako quirked her mouth to the side. The girl was making excuses, and she was not about to let that stand. “He's sulking in his library,” she bluntly informed Rin. “Kyoshii saw him pouring diligently over some obscure scroll. He's always been a moody reader.”

 

Rin sighed in defeat. “I'll go when we've finished our tea,” she hastily declared.

 

The demoness smirked. “Of course.”

 

~*~

 

“Sesshomaru-sama?”

 

Poking his head out from behind the scroll he was pretending to examine, Sesshomaru saw Rin timidly standing in the doorway. His stomach did an embarrassing flip-flop, which translated onto his face as a rather annoyed scowl.

 

Rin began withering under the demon's glare. He had not said anything to her, so she could not determine what kind of mood he was in exactly. Silence did not always mean disgruntlement, but it usually wasn't a good sign all the same.

 

“May I come in?” Rin squeaked.

 

Sesshomaru curtly nodded, and pinned the girl with his eyes as she shuffled across the room to sit at the other side of his table. He blinked once, curious to see what she would do next. This had been the first time she had sought out his company on her own, and he wasn't quite sure what it meant. From the looks of things, it did not bode well, considering how nervous she was.

 

The girl cleared her throat. “Whatareyoureading?” she mumbled.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Sorry,” Rin muttered, and then cleared her throat again. “I asked, what are you reading?” she repeated in a steady, even voice.

 

Sesshomaru twisted his eyebrows in confusion. He watched Rin's eyes dart back and forth from something in the room back to him. Curious, he followed her gaze and found that he was apparently reading a scroll about some war his great-uncle twice removed had fought countless centuries ago. Very inconsequential, and hardly engaging. Before Rin showed up at the door, Sesshomaru had seriously been considering reading the backs of his eyelids.

 

“Poetry,” he lied, immediately regretting it. Out of all the subject matters to choose from, he had stupidly picked the one thing that he knew practically nothing about. And, he suspected fearfully, the only reason why he had picked it was because he was subconsciously trying to impress Rin.

 

Bloody ego, he grumbled.

 

“Poetry,” Rin repeated thoughtfully.

 

“Yes,” Sesshomaru lied again.

 

“Hm.”

 

She decided to humor him. Quite obviously he was making things up, but she wasn't sure why. Maybe he was making fun of her. Maybe he was trying to intimidate her. Whatever the reason, it seemed he did not wish to be bothered.

 

But Rin had worked so hard in building up her courage that she wasn't about to give in just yet.

 

“I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed this morning,” she began shakily. “I had been looking forward to that all week, so thank you.”

 

Sesshomaru snorted and raised an eyebrow.

 

“And,” Rin continued, looking down with embarrassment, “I wanted to apologize, for all the mean things I said to you.”

 

Every muscle in Sesshomaru's jaw slackened, and it was all he could do to keep his mouth from falling open.

 

Rin swallowed nervously. She wasn't feeling too sure of the look on Sesshomaru's face. Perhaps she had chosen a really bad time to come and talk to him.

 

“I didn't mean them like they came out,” she stammered, trying to dig herself out a little. “I was just scared, and blurted stuff, and I'm sorry if I sounded mean.” Her hands were trembling on the table, and she knew her face was bright red. Superb, she thought bitterly.

 

Sesshomaru gave a mocking laugh. “You have no need to apologize,” he scoffed. “This Sesshomaru has heard worse. It is of no matter.”

 

“Yes it is!” Rin insisted. “It matters because I've never said anything like that to you and I feel terrible for doing it.”

 

The dog demon blinked in disbelief, and felt his lips slightly part. He closed his jaw with a loud click of his teeth. This was definitely a first. Truthfully, Rin's words had stung, but he had quickly blamed them on the heat of the moment and moved on. He knew she could have meant them, but it was much easier for him to deny that. Now she was giving him proof positive that she had been merely acting out. It was nothing more than a temperamental outburst.

 

“You still did not need to apologize,” he sniffed haughtily. With that said, he jerked his head sideways and tipped up his nose.

 

Once again, his body was betraying his mind. What he had really meant to say had a subtle compliment laced in with a gracious acknowledgment, and then he would nod and she would nod and everything would be right between them. Why was his body always trying to make things worse?

 

“I'm glad to see you're fine,” Rin spat angrily. She rose to her feet and made her way to the door. “Good day,” she snapped. And see if I go out of my way to be nice to you again.

 

“Wait.”

 

The girl halted in her tracks. Normally, this command would be issued with a bark of authority, and then she would whirl around and squeal, “Yes, Sesshomaru-sama!” and he would do what he wanted. Things had changed though, and Rin certainly was not going to passively respond to such a stern demand. He had no real power over her anymore.

 

Except his voice had been soft. It was like he was asking a favor of her, and fully expected her to decline anyway. Rin couldn't ignore it. Slowly, she turned her face around to glare at Sesshomaru; she wasn't sure of what he would say, and she needed the mean look for early self-defense.

 

“Please sit,” he asked softly again, gesturing his hand to the empty spot in front of him.

 

Slowly, she walked back to the other side of the table. Rin stood still for a moment and debated her options before she began sinking back down to the floor. Once she was settled, she calmly smoothed out her clothes and waited for Sesshomaru to speak.

 

The demon pinched the bridge of his nose. “Apology accepted,” he murmured.

 

When Rin did not answer, he removed his hand and looked up with wide eyes. He was met with an equally curious gaze.

 

It had taken a great deal of humility on his part to say what he did, Rin knew. Now he was waiting on her sign as to how their exchange would continue. He wasn't dismissing her, he wasn't trying to rationalize his words to make them meaningless, and he wasn't making a face. Sesshomaru was just looking at her.

 

Say something! Rin screamed at herself. Her jaw trembled, but no sound vibrated in her throat. All she could do was reel in the shock of Sesshomaru's behavior.

 

His eyes wandered. If she was just going to sit still and not say anything, then he might as well occupy his mind somehow. Her skin had gotten its color back a few days ago, but she was still a little pale. She had also managed a good night's sleep the night before, and did not have dark circles under her eyes like usual. The stitches had been removed and there was a visible scar, but you had to know what you were looking for in order to see it. All in all, she was recovering quite nicely; the spill she had taken that morning seemed to be nothing more than a minor tumble.

 

She had her hair up in a very flattering twist. Granted it was a bit more elaborate than he was used to seeing on Rin, but Sesshomaru decided it was rather nice to look at. It was strange, but somehow she seemed more like a female to him than she used to. It was probably because she wasn't parading around in her training uniform. It pleased him also to see that she was wearing one of the new kimonos he'd had made for her. Though he didn't design them, he did approve of the final products before presenting them to Rin. She had seemed lukewarm in her initial reception of the kimonos, but this was definitive proof that she liked at least one. It was rather uncanny too; this particular robe was probably Sesshomaru's favorite out of them all. Not that he considered himself an authority on women's clothes, but he did know something beautiful when he saw it.

 

Yes. She was beautiful, wasn't she?

 

Rin cleared her throat, startling Sesshomaru out of his troublesome line of thought. And just in the nick of time too; he was dangerously close to wondering what her hair smelled like.

 

Wait—never mind. Milk.

 

“Where did you go?” Rin asked in a sly tone. She was smirking at him, genuinely amused that he had lost all track of himself momentarily.

 

“Nowhere,” he snorted in defiance.

 

The girl gave a melodic laugh, and the demon watched how the muscles in her neck rippled under her smooth, pale skin. Milk and honey.

 

“Was it nice there?” Rin teased, blinking her eyes sweetly. She leaned forward slightly in an attempt to intimidate him. Instead, Sesshomaru could feel himself relax, as if he was engaging in witty banter with a very old friend. It was his turn to answer.

 

“Yes,” he said with a smirk, “I believe it was.”

 

Rin nodded her head in approval, pleased that Sesshomaru had decided to play along. I do believe that was the most awkward moment I've ever experienced in my life, she thought nervously.

 

“Just don't get lost and forget to come to dinner,” Rin sighed as she stood up. “I need to rest, so I will leave you to your affairs.”

 

The demon furrowed his eyebrows. “Poetry,” he sniffed. “I was reading poetry.”

 

“Ah, how silly of me,” the girl replied. She walked over to the doorway where she paused and looked back over her shoulder at Sesshomaru. “Thank you for your time,” she said, blushing.

 

The sudden rush of blood to her cheeks was not due to what she had said, but what she had seen. Sesshomaru was staring at her again, but his eyes were moving, looking her up and down. He had not once looked at her face.

 

Finally, Sesshomaru smiled mysteriously. “My pleasure,” he murmured, then turned back to his reading.

 

Rin could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she walked down the hall. If she hadn't known better, she would have sworn Sesshomaru was admiring her. Which was silly, of course. She was making foolish inferences. Still…

 

A small part of Rin allowed herself to believe her little fantasy. After all, what harm was there in such a thing? And it made her feel good—no, pretty. It made her feel pretty.

 

Maybe, she thought, I should wear something a bit nicer to dinner.

 

From inside his study, Sesshomaru shook his head with embarrassment. What had come over him? Did he just leer at Rin?

 

And did she just blush?

 

Maybe, he thought, I should try reading an actual poem.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Rin chewed slowly on her food, savoring the flavor. It was just rice and sour beef, but oh, it had been so long since she had tasted such a meal! She was finding out that food tasted better without the pearl there, because she was hungry enough to enjoy it. After a few bites she grew impatient with herself and began scooping large servings into her mouth to chew on contentedly. Her cheeks puffed out, and she was making happy noises every once in a while, but she honestly didn't care. All of this felt so good.

 

Sesshomaru watched the girl from the corner of his eye. Normally, she would talk to him during meals, or stare at him dumbly as she watched him eat. But she seemed completely engrossed in her own affairs, like she was in her own little world. It saddened him slightly to be shut out so completely in favor of such a little thing as food. She had reassured him that she was sorry for her behavior that morning, and that she did not hold any ill will towards him. It didn't appear as if she was mad at him right now anyway. He knew it had been some time since she had eaten a decent meal. This was her first official solid food since she had come home, and he knew Shouji had fed her next to nothing before that.

 

And now the arrogant bastard is food for the vultures, he thought with no small measure of satisfaction.

 

She was making little noises while she ate. She had never done this before. It sounded as though she was very happy just sitting there and eating. Again, a swell of sadness crested in Sesshomaru's heart. He had thought Rin made those kinds of noises only when picking flowers, which was something he knew she had enjoyed doing before she met him. He had come to terms with that. But now, eating seemed to rank up there with flower picking as “things Rin enjoys more than being with Sesshomaru.” And then there was the damnable horse. It just wasn't fair. He was trying his best.

 

For all intents and purposes, Rin had completely zoned herself into a small corner of the universe where only she and her bowls of beef and rice existed. And the more time she spent there, the more food she kept packing into her mouth. Even Jaken was watching her with wide eyes. This undignified behavior was not characteristic of the Rin he knew. Was the beef really that good? The imp had thought it to be rather dry.

 

Suddenly, Rin felt a clump of rice stick to the side of her throat. She panicked slightly, knowing if she gagged she risked spitting out the wad of food in her mouth. That would be quite disgusting. Working as best as she could to swallow the bulk of what was in her mouth down, Rin then allowed herself a small cough to help dislodge the errant scrap. Satisfied that it had become loose, she then grabbed her cup of tea and took a big swallow to help everything go down better. Slow down girl, she chided, you almost embarrassed yourself back there.

 

Sesshomaru frowned. Rin had nearly choked on the undignified mound of food she was rolling about her mouth, and it would have served her right. What else could one expect when trying to consume a bowl of food in one swallow? But his sense of justice quickly soured when he began to realize the consequences of Rin choking. She could have choked on a slice of beef right there, and died. In fact, even though she was taking smaller bites now, she still could choke on a piece of food and die. And there would be nothing he could do to stop it.

 

The room quickly became a death-trap around her. Today had been an eye-opening experience for him in regards to the hazards of everyday existence. She could trip and fall, hit her head on the floor, and crack open her skull. She could drop one of her bowls, and the shards of porcelain could slice her feet and she would bleed to death. She could merely catch some sickness that might be floating about in the air that no one in the house knew of because they were all impervious to it. Rin transformed before his eyes; gone was the resilient soldier and in her place a fragile human.

 

Rin held a lone piece of beef before her lips, readying her mouth to open and take the food in. She could choke on that meat right now, and die, the dog demon realized angrily. He wanted to protect her—he'd sworn he would when she was in Hell. But he couldn't very well tell her to never eat again.

 

The girl had the distinct feeling that she was being watched. At first, she did her best to ignore it, but it soon became quite annoying. Chancing a glance at Sesshomaru, she nearly gasped in shock at the face he was sporting. It looked as though he was watching someone get butchered, if he were squeamish about that sort of thing. Of course he wasn't, but his face was quite pale with a mix of disgust and disbelief. His eyes had totally glazed over, signaling that he was lost in thought somewhere far away.

 

What's got him so worked up? she wondered incredulously. I thought he liked sour beef.

 

Snapping back to reality, Sesshomaru quickly found himself eye to eye with the girl whose very life hung on a delicate thread of the universe's whim. She blinked, raised an eyebrow, then blinked again. Apparently tired of searching for whatever answer she had been seeking, Rin returned to her meal with fresh energy.

 

If he didn't get a hold of himself, by breakfast tomorrow he was going to be a nervous wreck.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Sesshomaru was not trying to convince Rin to stay. He had decided that would be the wrong approach to the matter. She would make her own decision without his influence. However, he wanted to know which direction her opinion was swaying towards, and in order for that to happen he had to spend time with her.

 

And the more time he spent with her, the more reasons he found to spend more.

 

He had tried to take an interest in the things she liked to do. Talking was not something he was gifted at. Horseback riding did not go well. The only thing left was her love for flowers. More specifically, her love for the flowers in the corner of his courtyard where she had planted her garden.

 

Sesshomaru had scouted about for a specific tree since the day Rin had been strong enough to walk. It was rumored to have the most beautiful blossoms imaginable, but was incredibly rare due to the fact that it was a demonic tree. Such a plant would not thrive in the presence of a human settlement, and the growing human population was swiftly eliminating demonic trees of all kinds. After nearly two weeks of searching, he had successfully located a young Toriboku and had it quickly transported to the courtyard.

 

When Rin went to tend her garden that morning, she immediately noticed the new addition. Sesshomaru felt no small degree of satisfaction when he heard her appreciative gasp.

 

“What is this?” she asked breathlessly.

 

The dog demon took a step to stand beside the girl. “This is a Toriboku, and it is for you,” he proudly answered.

 

“It's so beautiful,” Rin gasped, placing her hands over her smiling mouth. It was a remarkable sight; Rin had never seen a tree like this in her entire life.

 

It was tall, but did not manage to clear the courtyard walls. The leaves were broad and long, like little boats, with a deep green color and a waxy sheen. The most amazing part was the flowers. The blossoms were different colors all blended together. Some of them were closed, presumably still budding; these were the ones that swirled with oranges, blues, reds, and purples. The mature flowers that had opened were glowing with large, white petals radiating from a black core. From what Rin could tell, the center of the flower was covered with tiny seeds.

 

The early morning birds were beginning to come out, a few of whom took perch in the branches of the new tree. Apparently the birds found the sapling appealing as a source of food, because they were soon pecking at the seeds in the flowers. Their songs echoed through the garden, making the scene positively pastoral.

 

Rin couldn't tear her eyes away. She knew it had to be a demon tree, for no ordinary tree in nature could be this beautiful. She was about to express her gushing gratitude to Sesshomaru when a sudden movement in the leaves caught her eye.

 

A small bird had landed on a twig directly in front of a blossom and was contentedly gathering its breakfast. Without warning, the blossom snapped itself around the bird, sending the animal into a state of panic. It tried vainly to flap its wings and escape, but the flower was steadily pulling the bird in farther. Rin watched, horrified, as the entire bird was consumed, leaving nothing behind but a few downy feathers floating in the air. The blossom curled tightly shut around its prey, and bled with color through its petals.

 

Sesshomaru smiled. “The tree feeds itself,” he explained. “It requires little outside care, so it is easy to maintain. The colors you see are its natural poisons, which it uses to digest its food.”

 

“Ah-ha,” Rin answered shakily. She was still reeling from the shock of watching a blossom devour an entire bird within seconds. Sesshomaru had planted a bird-eating tree in his courtyard hoping that she would like it. While the gesture was touching, Rin wasn't sure if she would be comfortable going into the garden knowing the tree above her head was feeding on live prey.

 

“Do you not like it?” Sesshomaru asked, puzzled. Rin had a strange look upon her face that he could not interpret. It appeared to be something between fear and giddy excitement.

 

“It's so lovely,” Rin answered quickly, turning away from the tree and giving Sesshomaru a brave smile. “The colors really are quite amazing.”

 

There, she thought, that wasn't a lie. He can smell lies, so maybe he'll believe me. He doesn't need to know that every time I'm in the garden I'll be afraid to turn my back on that tree. I can't imagine Jaken being too comfortable around it either.

 

The dog demon raised an eyebrow as he contemplated the girl before him. She seemed genuine about her praise of his gift, but also nervous about something. Perhaps it was because she was uncomfortable receiving gifts from him. He'd hoped she would find his gesture to be endearing. Really, this whole process of establishing a relationship was new territory to him, and feedback from Rin was his only way of gauging his success. It was all so nerve-wracking, mainly because he had no idea where all this was leading him.

 

In the back of his mind, a part of him knew what could happen. Sesshomaru was quickly finding that he liked that idea, but that wasn't the upsetting part. He liked it so much that he was losing the will-power to insist it was wrong. Rin was doing something to him, and it felt good. He felt the strange compulsion to give that feeling back to her as well; apparently, the tree was not a means to this end.

 

“Perhaps,” he said guardedly, “you would prefer something else?”

 

“No!” Rin cried, rushing forward and placing both of her hands on his breastplate. “My lord is kind to do this. I'm just not accustomed to receiving such thoughtful gifts.” Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she realized that she was completely truthful in her words. No male had ever given her something with her feelings in mind. Sesshomaru really was trying his best, and that in itself was touching.

 

Very touching.

 

Rin smiled warmly as she looked up at Sesshomaru. This was a much different level than any they had ever stood on together. It was new, and kind of scary, but also exciting. And Rin really did like the face he was sporting. He was kind of embarrassed, and she found it to be quite charming.

 

“I like it very much,” she murmured, feeling the blush rise to her cheeks once more. “Thank you.”

 

Sesshomaru bit his lower lip, not entirely sure of what to do. What was it that people usually said after being told “thank you”? It had happened so rarely in his centuries of life that he had nearly forgotten his courtly manners.

 

“You're welcome,” Sesshomaru mumbled, looking away.

 

Rin let a happy grin curl across her face. Maybe I can learn to like his taste in plants, she thought. Right now, almost anything is worth seeing that look on his face.

 

And in the background, the tree continued to feed while providing shade for the couple standing together in the garden.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

It was around the third time Jaken was struck in the head with a rock that day when he decided to become as invisible as possible. Apparently he always found himself in Sesshomaru's presence at the worst possible moments. The demon lord was in a decidedly foul mood, and it was no secret as to why.

 

Rin had been giving him the cold shoulder since that morning. She had decided to become invisible as well apparently, and had offered no explanation for it. In all of Sesshomaru's searchings, he had only managed to find Jaken. This was usually about the same time that a rock found Jaken's head.

 

Where does he get those stones from anyway? the toad wondered as he rubbed his sore head.

 

Suddenly, Jaken heard a distinct whizzing sound cutting through the air. Hoping to avoid what he knew to be inevitable, the toad threw himself to the ground in desperation. Sure enough, the projectile found its target.

 

“Ouchouchouch!” Jaken squealed. Sitting up, he checked his head for any additional damage than what had already been done. He was surprised to hear the telling chortle of Rin's laughter coming from behind him. Jaken turned and scowled at the girl.

 

“Sorry, Jaken-sama,” Rin giggled, “I couldn't resist.”

 

“Pest!” Jaken hissed. “I think I liked you better when you were still in bed.”

 

“Now you don't really mean that,” the girl soothed, coming over to inspect her friend for any wounds. “I'm sorry; I found this rock in the house and it was so perfect that I had to throw it at you.”

 

“Probably one of the ones Sesshomaru-sama hit me with earlier,” the toad grumbled.

 

Rin frowned sympathetically. “In any case, it got your attention,” she said quickly. “I want to talk to you.”

 

Jaken gave a long-suffering sigh. “What do you want then, Rin-chan?” he grumbled.

 

The girl smiled warmly and nuzzled her cheek against Jaken's head. It never failed to delight her whenever Jaken called her “-chan.” She could not have imagined ever liking the diminutive suffix from anyone, least of all Jaken. But the way he said it sounded so sweet that she couldn't protest. Any affection from Jaken was welcomed.

 

“I'm beginning to suspect that Sesshomaru-sama has an ulterior motive in giving me all of these gifts,” she said softly. “He's trying to get me to stay; that much is certain.”

 

Jaken pushed Rin away and threw his hands up into the air. “What are you doing asking me this?” he wailed. “I want no part of what is going on between you two.”

 

“But what is going on?” Rin demanded. “Why is he being so nice to me? What does he want?”

 

“I don't know,” the toad snapped. “I've never seen him behave like this. Ever.”

 

Rin sighed and gave a sad smile. “I just would hate to think he's bribing me,” she murmured. “Do you think he's doing this out of guilt?”

 

“Guilt?” Jaken coughed. He's never felt an iota of guilt a single day in his life, he thought angrily. But if anyone should merit guilt from him, it would be you.

 

Rin nodded. “I'm afraid he's buying my forgiveness,” she said, shaking her head. “I wish I could understand.”

 

The toad looked to his human companion and frowned. He had invested so much time in the care of this fragile being for almost two decades. Though he would never admit it to anyone, he hated to see her sad; especially when it had something to do with Sesshomaru. It was obvious to anyone who had eyes that the girl was in love with her guardian. If you had asked him whether Sesshomaru would consider intimately associating himself with a human ten years ago, the answer would have been a resounding, “No.” But now Jaken wasn't so sure. He always looked on every human with disdain, except for Rin. From the beginning the two shared a bizarre understanding between each other that even they themselves could not comprehend it completely. Jaken was beginning to notice a hidden tenderness in Sesshomaru's eyes whenever he looked at Rin. There was concern for her in that gaze, but there was also a quiet contemplation. It looked as though the dog demon was battling with the same line of thought each time he looked upon his ward.

 

Jaken knew very little about love; his species had no use for it. He had learned about it gradually throughout his travels with his lord. It was a difficult thing for the toad to wrap his mind around completely, but he felt he had the gist of it. He knew Rin was in love, no questions asked. The way she acted around Sesshomaru and the way she stared at him spoke of how deeply and strongly she felt. There was one thing that poked out in Jaken's observation and niggled at the back of his brain when he saw Sesshomaru and Rin together. They had the same eyes when they were together. Soft and heavy eyelids, coupled with a glittering shine always appeared when they were in each other's presence.

 

The toad gently patted Rin's hand. “I don't think that's it, Rin-chan,” he softly offered, “but I do know he is a changed man ever since you ran away.”

 

Rin nodded. Changed for what? she wondered.

 

Quickly the girl brightened her dreary features and gave Jaken's hand a squeeze. “Where do you think Sesshomaru gets all those rocks he throws at you?” she giggled. “I've never seen him with pockets.”

 

Jaken rolled his bulbous, yellow eyes. “God knows,” he moaned. “I'm beginning to think it's one of his demonic powers, to manifest rocks in his hands.”

 

“I think you're right!” Rin cackled delightedly. “I was having trouble imagining him searching the ground for pebbles that he liked.”

 

“I wouldn't put it past him,” Jaken griped. “Sesshomaru-sama puts a great deal of thought into everything he does. He probably searches for days just to find the perfect stone.”

 

Rin laughed back, but her mind immediately withdrew and muddled over the words Jaken had just said. What do you think about when you give me those gifts? she wondered forlornly. These false hopes are becoming too heavy to bear.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Sesshomaru felt a childish excitement as he watched the door to the courtyard. He had politely hinted to Rin while they were at dinner that she was welcome to join him there in the evening. She was quiet, but she did nod and smile a tiny bit in response. Lately, it was hard to gauge her reactions to him. Sesshomaru did not understand why Rin suddenly acted so stiff and frigid around him. Things had seemed like they were going well. Was he not paying her enough attention?

 

He had been rather busy of late, although not with anything important. He had taken to brooding in the afternoons, mainly about her. It had been a month since she had given her ultimatum. Even if he did convince her to stay, he would still have to watch her die someday. What scared him the most was, knowing in his heart he would not be content with this. Somewhere along the line he would want her to make another pearl. It would break him to watch Rin leave, and it would break him just as much to have her stay and die. As powerful as Sesshomaru was, he knew that he inevitably would be broken by a human girl.

 

He had tried to stop it. He fought against it, and he groveled underneath it. Every time he tried to deny it his mind laughed at his pathetic lies. He knew. Sesshomaru knew but was scared to put a name on it. If he made it that real, he might not be able to hold back. Pride was the only thing standing between Sesshomaru and happiness.

 

“Flowers? They are…they are lotus blossoms! I didn't know they were still in bloom.”

 

The gentle melody of Rin's voice startled Sesshomaru back into reality. The girl was crouched next to the koi pond he had ordered to be placed in the garden. Rin liked the clothes he had given her, but then he had always given her clothes. The tree had been a great success, so Sesshomaru honed his focus on Rin's love of plants. He smiled proudly, secretly thankful that he had been attentive to Rin's tastes in the past.

 

Looking down at her as she dipped her fingers in the water to tease the fish, Sesshomaru felt himself grow light. Contentment washed over his body and for once he embraced it.

 

This is enough, a voice in his head told him, and he believed it.

 

Rin traced her fingers over the delicate petals. “Thank you,” she murmured. But her heart twisted and her face fell even as she was embracing his gift.

 

“You are not pleased?” Sesshomaru asked, genuinely puzzled. He knew without a doubt that she liked this type of plant. Was it in the wrong color then?

 

Rin bit her lower lip. She had to confront him. She had to know. It hurt too much to keep up their little game wondering who the winner was going to be.

 

“Why are you doing this?” she whispered in a painful voice.

 

The demon was taken aback. “What?” he stammered.

 

The girl looked up, tears brimming in her eyes. “Why are you giving me this?” she demanded softly. “What are you hoping to prove?”

 

Stunned, Sesshomaru could only stare at her with his mouth open.

 

Rin swallowed. Taking a deep breath, she gathered every ounce of courage in her body so she could stand up and look him in the face.

 

“I asked you a question when you came to me in Hell,” she began with a shaking voice. “You answered it then, and I'm not going to ask you to answer it again now; at least, not out loud. But you can't expect me to wait quietly for you to make up your mind any longer.”

 

“The way you've been treating me,” she continued with a sad smile, “makes me think you have a different answer in mind than the one you first gave. I can't bear to think you don't know anymore. What I'm trying to say is that I need to know why you're doing all this. Are you trying to get me to stay?”

 

“Yes,” Sesshomaru whispered, bowing his head.

 

“Is that all?” Rin snapped.

 

The demon closed his eyes and pushed out a long breath. “No,” he finally answered.

 

The girl sighed gently. A small wave of relief swept over her. “Then,” she swallowed nervously, “what are you trying to gain?”

 

At this Sesshomaru flinched. She thought he was only looking out for himself. He had tried so hard to show her his mind. It was so painfully clear to him how much she meant, but he had failed let her know. She saw his gifts as petty.

 

“Nothing,” he sighed. “I am not trying to gain anything.” This is the only way I know how to tell you.

 

Rin smiled brokenly. “Oh,” was all she could bring herself to say. Her hand fluttered against her chest, and she gave a short, nervous laugh. Embarrassed with herself, she quickly turned her back on Sesshomaru and worked to regain her composure.

 

“Then perhaps,” she finally managed to choke out, “you are…trying to do something else?”

 

Sesshomaru took a step towards the girl, but did not touch her. He wanted to touch her, but again he was afraid of giving her the wrong idea. Every part of him ached to comfort her, but he had to wonder whose benefit he had in mind.

 

The girl let a shivering sigh pass through her teeth. “Is it so hard to say out loud?” she pressed.

 

“Yes,” Sesshomaru struggled, “it is.”

 

Rin looked down at the flowers in the little pond. She looked up to the Toriboku, and then back down to the sleeve of her new kimono. Everything he had given her had her tastes in mind. He always looked so pleased when she accepted his gifts, as if he had poured hours of thought into them. He probably had.

 

Sesshomaru was never one to use words over actions. He didn't waste time debating; if he wanted it, he went after it. Divide and conquer; always a soldier in everything he did. Now he was trying to show Rin he could be ordinary too. Underneath the layers of pomp and circumstance, there was a regular man. Rin could see it now. The one thing she had wished so hard to happen, and she almost missed it. The flowers and the other gifts were a message that he didn't know how to say with words. He had been telling her the same thing again and again, waiting for her to notice. He was asking the same question that she was.

 

What would her answer be?

 

The girl smiled. “You gave me lotus blossoms,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

 

The dog demon relaxed his posture. Rin was accepting his good intentions. “This Sesshomaru knows you are fond of them,” he replied in a silky tone. Stepping closer to her, he nuzzled his nose against the shell of her ear. He was being bold, and hoping that his emotions would be effectively conveyed through this action. The effect it had was not quite what he had intended it to be.

 

Startled, Rin jumped forward and squeaked. Her hands were shaking and she was breathing rather heavily—he'd frightened her, he realized. She was afraid of him touching her like this.

 

Sesshomaru frowned. It was a true frown, one brought on by sadness; usually his frowns indicated his anger, or disappointment, or displeasure with something. But his heart felt like a giant sponge saturated with water. To his horror he realized he might even start slouching under the strain of this emotional defeat.

 

“It's okay,” Rin cooed. Now it was her turn to startle him by touching the side of his face with her palm. He had not realized she was standing so close. Looking down into her face, he let out a small sigh of content. She was smiling at him again, and eagerly she brought her other hand to rest on the other side of his face.

 

“It's okay,” she repeated. “You just startled me, that's all. I wasn't expecting…that.” Her cheeks flushed red, but she did not take her eyes away from his.

 

Very slowly, Sesshomaru lifted his arms and began to move them. Painstakingly bringing Rin into his embrace, he was relieved to feel her lean into his body, accepting his timid offer to hold her. Encouraged, he petted her hair and contented himself with listening to her shallow breathing.

 

After a moment he realized she might be waiting for him to say something. She had just told him that he had startled her; perhaps she would object to being held for so long? Was he going against her will? He swallowed hard. “Is this---” Good? Nice? Cozy? Adequate? “—permissible?”

 

Her reply was a gentle “hmmmm.” He took it as an affirmative. Now he was brave enough to lay his cheek on the top of her head and quietly wait for her to make the next move.

 

It came very subtly, and he almost missed it. After a long drawn out moment of merely touching one another, Rin sighed deeply and arched her spine. The movement caused his hands to slip, catching themselves once again in the small of her back. Nodding against his chest, Rin made no other motion to correct their change in posture.

 

Sesshomaru was overwhelmed suddenly with the idea that he was touching something very intimate, though he was quite sure it was only her back. The place under his fingers felt warm, and even through her clothes it was noticeably softer than any part he had managed to touch thus far. It was only the small of her back, yet it was there that the key to everything Rin felt could be found. If she was confused, he need only push with his hand and subliminally guide her from there. If she was afraid, reassurance could be echoed in gentle pressure from his fingers. If she was joyful, he could siphon some of her happiness into his own being, just by touching the small of her back. He was the only one who knew the combination; that was his special place, and would always be.

 

Rin had allowed him to reclaim one piece of herself. That alone was encouraging.

 

“I'm sleepy,” Rin yawned, finishing with a squeak. She started worming herself back and away from Sesshomaru, and he grudgingly returned his arms to his sides. Lazy eyes blinked at him, and the way she looked with that goofy, sleepy smile was slipped into his memory for later access.

 

“I guess I shall bid you goodnight then?” she tried. He was just staring at her blankly, as if everything inside of him had turned off and gone to sleep before she did. It might well be true; Rin could never tell, but she had always suspected him of sleeping with his eyes open. Okay then, she sighed, and turned to go.

 

“Wait.”

 

It was Sesshomaru doing the squeaking now. Damn! I sound like a child pleading for its mother!

 

Rin turned in profile to look at him. “Yes?” she whispered.

 

Sesshomaru bit his lower lip in consternation. Words had never come easily to him, but he had been able to form complete sentences before now. Why was this so difficult?

 

“Stay,” he rasped. There, he mentally congratulated, technically that is a sentence. Now say another.

 

“Stay?” Rin asked, quirking the corners of her mouth into a teasing smile.

 

She's laughing at me! “Stay,” he repeated, and then added, “please.”

 

Rin stood patiently, listening and waiting for a cue as to what exactly it was he wanted.

 

“Stay up tonight with this Sesshomaru. Just stay here. We can sit.” And as if he didn't sound pathetic enough, he finished his lame speech with a mournful, “Please.”

 

The answer was well worth the humiliation of the question. Eagerly, Rin trotted over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist in a quick hug. Then she swiveled to his side, leaving one arm around his back and the other flat on his chest. “Ok,” she giggled.

 

Sesshomaru smiled. He could learn how to be better at this. If this was what childish pleas earned him, he could perfect his speech into adult reassurances, and see what kind of response they could elicit.

 

Using the small of her back to guide her over to the Toriboku, Sesshomaru tugged Rin down onto his lap, and together they sat.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

She was going to stay.

 

Rin started to cry when she realized it. She knew this was how things would be. This was the way things had to be, but she never wanted to admit it out loud. There was no Rin without Sesshomaru, and no Sesshomaru without Rin. But this was not enough even though she had decided to stay. They both needed one another, but did they want one another?

 

I have to know what I am to him, the girl realized. I will be here for the rest of my life and I have to know who I am. Tell me, Sesshomaru.

 

It was the middle of the night. Each step she took was to the rhythm in her head of a voice saying, “This is crazy.” Something like this could wait for a more opportune time. In fact it practically screamed for a secluded, neutral setting. Not his bedroom in the middle of the night.

 

“Sesshomaru!” Rin cried, throwing the doors open. This is crazy!

 

The demon jolted upright in bed; though he had not been asleep, his state of mind was lucid and filled with waking dreams. The tone in Rin's voice was filled with panicked urgency and he did not like it. Something must be terribly wrong for her to be doing this.

 

“Rin, what is it?” he gasped, rushing towards her. His hands clamped around the girl's biceps and he stared at her intensely. Her eyes were franticly darting about but could not see anything; a sheen layer of confusion blanketed her vacillating pupils. There was a strange smile on her lips, much like the one she had worn on the day she died in his arms.

 

She has made her decision, Sesshomaru realized. He released Rin and hardened his features.

 

Rin was laughing nervously. Her hands trembled while her fingers twisted about each other. Say something! Anything! she screamed at herself.

 

“Good evening my lord,” she squeaked. “Have I come at a bad time?”

 

You stupid fool, Rin cursed.

 

“Rin,” Sesshomaru barked. His tone of voice was answer enough. He watched her flinch, and then calm herself. The fog lifted from her gaze and she was staring straight at him with an enlightened look on her face.

 

There is never a bad time for you, little one, Sesshomaru mourned, only bad news.

 

“I have come to a decision in regards to my future,” the girl announced, clearing her throat. “Specifically, the decision concerning where I will live. I have given it a great deal of thought, and I think it would be best if I stayed.”

 

There! You did it! Rin cheered.

 

Sesshomaru's heart skipped a beat. She's going to stay, he reeled. She's going to stay here, but why? For herself, or for me?

 

“I am…happy to hear this news,” the demon stammered. What else was he supposed to say? It was hard enough acting like the whole scenario was normal. He was every bit as surprised and uncomfortable as he was pleased and relieved. It was incredibly improper of Rin to storm into his bedroom uninvited in the middle of the night. But it was strangely exciting too. The wild energy she radiated was quite contagious. Sesshomaru found himself struggling to breathe.

 

“What would my lord have me do?” Rin asked ecstatically. “I will stay in this house but I want to be of use. I will not take my privileges for granted; I know I must earn my place in your house. Tell me, what would you have me do?”

 

“Do?” the dog demon grunted.

 

“Yes,” the girl panted, “what role shall I fill? I refuse to go back to my old one; any suggestions along that line are completely out of the question. But I do want to be of use to you.”

 

“Use?” Sesshomaru repeated, taken aback.

 

“I will not be a burden to this house,” Rin pleaded. “Even if I am just a maid, or a servant, I wish to have some part in your life.” Any part, so long as I can be close to you.

 

Both of their jaws dropped upon hearing Rin's bold statement. Each one quickly struggled to bring themselves back under control, while at the same time their minds spun around the implications of the words.

 

Please let me mean something to you, Rin begged. I cannot bear being nothing.

 

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes. “You are above being a servant,” he scoffed. “This Sesshomaru will not permit you to humiliate yourself like this.”

 

“Something more official then,” the girl cried excitedly. “Something important.”

 

“There is no need for this,” the dog demon chided. “If you wish to stay you may stay.”

 

“I could be a diplomat,” Rin suggested hastily, ignoring her lord. “Takako-san has educated me well, and I am more than familiar with advanced political strategies and military tactics.”

 

“No.”

 

“I could be a scribe then. You know I can write much faster and nicer than Jaken-sama,” she desperately continued. “And I wouldn't have to be seen by anyone.”

 

“No.”

 

Rin felt herself beginning to cry. “A stable hand then!” she choked. “I can take care of all of the horses, and Aun too. You know I'm good at that!”

 

“No.”

 

“Then what would you have me do?!” Rin screamed.

 

Sesshomaru knitted his eyebrows together. “Only what pleases you,” he admonished.

 

“It pleases me to be with you!” the girl sobbed, fighting the need to fall to her knees.

 

“Then be with me,” he stated matter-of-factly.

 

“As what?” she begged, looking to Sesshomaru for guidance.

 

The demon frowned. “As yourself,” he said in a clipped tone, as if he was stating something so obvious.

 

“But what would you have me do?”

 

Carefully Sesshomaru reached forward and hooked a finger underneath Rin's chin before pulling her face up to look at him. Then with delicate strokes of his thumbs he chased away the tears from her cheeks, until her face was dry and calm once more. He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly through his nose. There could be no room for doubt in his mind. If he was going to tell her, he had to be absolutely truthful in thought and deed.

 

Sesshomaru licked his lips. “You may do whatever you want,” he murmured. “Your life is not mine to control.”

 

He could feel his face slackening into the longing gaze he'd been trying so hard to hide. Still, it couldn't be helped. Rin was free. She was not obligated to him in any way. There would be no debt of servitude, no place in the empire, unless she wanted it. But he hoped that she wanted more, as did he. But what he wanted didn't matter, no matter how much he longed to have her. She would be something more only if she wanted to.

 

Rin swallowed. It was faint, but she could not make any mistake in naming what she saw. He was holding himself back upon her will, clearly suppressing his own. Whatever he desired was being leashed behind his face, barely contained by his other desire to please her. But she could see it there in his eyes. Rin saw a distant yearning in the soft curves of his eyelids. There was a glowing need lighting the amber of his irises. And in the deep, dark blackness of his pupils, there was a primal hunger wanting to surface and consume everything there was to her.

 

And Rin wanted it.

 

“I understand,” she whispered, raising her hand to touch his face. I am prepared to pay the cost.

 

Sesshomaru pulled Rin forward and rested his brow on the crown of her head. He sighed deeply, and licked his lips. “You will stay?” he asked hopefully.

 

“Yes,” Rin answered, “I will stay with you.”

 

“You know what it means,” he rasped, “to stay with me. I will not watch you leave me. There must be another pearl.”

 

The girl nodded. “I know.”

 

The demon swallowed. “You will have to die again,” he reminded.

 

“I am not afraid of death,” Rin answered, “not anymore. I am afraid of life without you.”

 

Gently, Rin tipped her head up so their foreheads pressed against each other. Her breathing was ragged as she felt Sesshomaru's hand move from her face, down her neck, and finally around her waist.

 

“This Sesshomaru will carry it,” he whispered. His other hand now cupped her cheek.

 

Rin gripped onto the front of his shirt with both fists. “Then I can never be without you,” she murmured with a smile. Her eyes sparkled. “And you will never be without me.”

 

Sesshomaru closed his eyes and smiled. “This Sesshomaru will not be careless. I cannot bear to lose you ever again.”

 

“I know,” Rin laughed. “I will never leave you again, either. But let's not talk of jewelry now.” Her lips parted.

 

He kissed her fiercely. They held onto one another as if they were afraid gravity would suddenly decide to fail. Sesshomaru decided that he had never tasted anything as sweet as Rin's mouth; everything about her filled his senses pleasurably. Rin wasted no time in dispensing maidenly shame; she had waited long enough for this moment. They devoured one another with eager tongues and hungry hands until they finally had to surface for air.

 

“Can I stay?” Rin panted, fisting her hands in Sesshomaru's hair.

 

“Only if you want,” the demon replied. His mouth greedily descended down her neck, where he began pushing aside her collar to expose the softer skin underneath.

 

The girl sighed as she pulled herself closer to his body. “I want,” she breathed into his ear. She was thrilled to feel him shudder in response.

 

Sesshomaru smiled against her neck. “Good,” he chuckled softly, “because I would not have wanted you to leave.”

 

~*~

 

It was both thrilling and humbling, as she placed her hands on his bare shoulders. She was touching something ancient; he had lived for countless centuries before she was even a thought. Yet she never would have imagined something so old to feel so warm and alive. She was mesmerized by the steady rhythm of his pulse pounding underneath the skin of his neck. His breath was hot against her ear. Rin suddenly wanted to taste his flesh, desperately seeking to find out what flavor forever held.

 

He was a sentinel in the stream of time, always keeping pace with its flow. And now, she would be at his side.

 

“Se-Sesshomaru,” Rin choked. One of his hands was steadily moving up her leg from under her kimono, while the other slid down her neck to her collar and pulled the fabric apart. The demon let a feral growl escape from his lips by accident; upset with himself, he began moving away from the girl in case he had frightened her. But Rin would have none. Her arms snaked tightly around his chest and hooked onto his shoulders.

 

Sesshomaru gave a startling, inhuman whine. Rin was making it so hard for him to go slowly. He could understand what she wanted of him, but knew that she didn't understand what his wanting could do to her.

 

“Please,” he begged, “let me---”

 

Rin cut him off with a searing kiss. “It's okay,” she soothed in a breathy whisper. “I know.”

 

The dog demon groaned when he felt eight fingertips glide under the waist of his pants. It was a miniscule distance, and she was not touching a lot of skin, but it felt so tender that he could not help his reaction. Eagerly wishing to inspire the same from Rin, Sesshomaru pulled his left hand away from her neck and pressed possessively against the small of her back. To his delight the girl arched against his chest and let a broken moan escape from her throat.

 

It was going too slow. If he didn't hurry, Rin was going to start crying. It was all just too beautiful, and her heart was threatening to burst from the strain of holding it all in. In that moment, the only thing Sesshomaru had on his mind was Rin—of how much he wanted her, needed her, and loved her. Rin knew this was true, because all that was on her mind was Sesshomaru.

 

The world died away. Time stopped.

 

His tongue found its way to her neck. Her hands slipped a little lower under his clothes.

 

When he had painstakingly removed the last thread of fabric from her body, Sesshomaru could only stare in awe. He was not unfamiliar with the naked female form; during his time spent as a young soldier, he had bedded a few loose women. But Rin looked so much different, and it was not only because she was human. Each curve seemed to have a gently glowing outline. Her very image conjured a likeness to something more supernatural, but it was in her scars that he found reality once again. Even those white lines that spidered across her neck and belly were beautiful. Rin was like a dream he had forgotten long ago, but had secretly cherished in the back of his mind. Though he had never seen her like this before, he knew every part of her so well; it was as though he'd seen her every day. Yet her beauty did not fail to thrill him. Nothing could compare to Rin.

 

Never once closing his eyes, he lowered his head to her breast and tasted her wanting skin. Rin shuddered and wrapped her arms around his head; it was too much. A lone tear escaped and fled down the side of her face.

 

Every touch on her skin burned with love. He did not merely want her; he would die without her. She knew each stroke of his tongue was both a silent plea for acceptance and a small promise of what was to come. Rin could feel herself filling his body as Sesshomaru begged to fill hers. It was all she could do to keep herself from sobbing his name again and again. This would be the only prayer to pass her lips; all other words were common drivel that filled the space during the days. His name was sacred to her and her alone, because no one else could ever say it with both humility and authority. It was all she needed to say, and he would understand and answer her cries without fail.

 

“Sesshomaru,” Rin hoarsely groaned, pulling her body open to him. The dog demon growled softly before giving in. He had no right to deny her what was--- and always would be---hers any longer. They cried out together as he took her, and moaned together as their bodies forcibly pressed into each other. There was no room for air between them, but they held on harder.

 

He did everything in his power to remain gentle, but she still cried. Later, he would find out that it was not any pain from which her tears sprang. He lapped them up as they fell.

 

She did everything in her power to remain intact, but her soul still flew apart. Later, she would find out he was afraid of holding her too roughly. She clung to him as she fell.

 

He knew there was no turning back; his legacy was being forged in these first moments he gave as a husband. Everything about his way of thinking had to change, or else he would be doomed to repeat the consequences of his former ignorance. He could not afford to lose her again, no matter what. Her hands squeezed into his back, and he was gone.

 

She knew there was no looking ahead; her patience was being born in these first moments she gave as a wife. Everything about the way she lived had to change, or else she would never be able to fully accept this gift of life he bestowed upon her. She could not afford to lose herself again, no matter what. He planted his mouth on the hollow spot of her collarbone, and she was gone.

 

When they woke up the next morning, the world still had not restarted. Both of them knew it never would. They hungrily devoured one another once more.

 

“Forever,” he promised, and waited for her reply.

 

“No,” she said with a coy smile, “much more than that.”

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Sesshomaru gave her life for the first time. Their haste in becoming lovers caused a delay in the forging of the second pearl; Rin was with child and the dangers of the process were too great. There was not a day spent where Sesshomaru was not full of nervous worry for the health of his young bride. Rin gave birth, and soon after she was well again the second pearl was made. She was proud to give him a strong son.

 

Rin gave her life for the last time. Sesshomaru remained true to his word and had the new pearl set in a medallion, which he wore on a chain around his neck always. Throughout the whole process, he never once let her go. The same had been true for when she was in labor with their child; Sesshomaru never would have imagined how precious the life of another could be to him. The dog demon named his first-born Shinju—“pearl.” He was proud to name the half-breed as his heir.

 

They had paid the price for their dreams, and they had learned the courage to live them.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

A/N: The last chapter! Ahhh! Did you like the bird eating tree? You should thank Botan. Totally her idea. As for the name, I just threw together “bird” and “tree” in Japanese, because I'm just uncreative like that; sorry if it makes no sense. And in regards to their kid's name…eh. I wanted it to be that, but it is female. But dang it, if Kohaku (“amber”) can parade around with that name, then my kid can be secure in his masculinity with this one.

 

Fluff really isn't my forte, but they needed a happy ending after what I put them through. A lot of you reviewers made that quite clear. This is probably the only time I will be able to say this, but I am flattered at the number of death threats I have received. Did I make it happy enough? Don't forget: I still have the epilogue.

 

Stay tuned after the epilogue for a little something extra. I've never done anything like this before, so we'll just have to see how it turns out. Call it a treat for those of you that have stuck it out this long. I am really going to miss writing this, but I am also glad it is done. Thank you all for reading and reviewing all this time. I hope I have managed to entertain and enthrall.