InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Protector of Her Heart ❯ The Shrouded Identity ( Chapter 22 )

Chapter 22: The Shrouded Identity

 

Kagome's heart had returned to ice ever since she had agreed to marry Lord Naraku. Now, being forced to marry a man she could hardly stand while the one she truly wanted was locked away forever, she was forced to bury her emotions deeply, to never let on that inside, her true self was screaming to be let out and end this façade of life.

 

Her friends and family were the only ones who seemed to notice. Even her old friends, Lady Eri, Lady Ayumi, and Countess Yuka had asked her what was wrong, as she was no longer as cheerful and happy as she had been before she was kidnapped and spent those wonderful times in the Midlands…

 

But she had told them nothing, either making up excuses to her mother, or merely turning away. Looking towards her dark future, a light had gone out inside, one that could never be rekindled, save by the kindness of one man.

 

And it was only around this one man that Kagome dropped her protective barriers and allowed her true self to show. It was only around him that she could be happy, even if it was a small happiness against a world of her misery.

 

Ever since she and Inuyasha had settled things, her anxiety had started to calm. He promised he would be with her while she went through these hard times, and as long as she had him, then she could believe things would work out. With Inuyasha at her side, Kagome knew she could face anything, even marriage to another man. When she needed him, she could go to him now, and for a few moments, staring into each other's eyes, they could believe that they were back in the Midlands…back where no marriage or class or propriety mattered…

 

But now, she was with Naraku, and had to hide all of her true feelings. She knew that if anyone found out about Inuyasha love for her, or about the time in the Midlands, then his life would be in danger, and she would be powerless to help him. The right thing to do would be to stop seeing him and act, at all times, that she cared nothing for him…but she couldn't help it. Her life was going in a direction she did not want it to go, and he was the only thing holding her together when everything else was falling apart.

 

Inuyasha was all she had now. If he was taken from her, then what else was there to live for?

 

“It's a lovely day, isn't it?” Lord Naraku smiled at her, bringing her out of her thoughts. Kagome attempted a smile back, but did not have the heart to fully bring it off. As her intended husband, he wanted to spend time with her, which was understandable, yet unbearable. For one thing, she had to pretend that she wanted him as a husband, when in reality she wished she did not even know him, and for another, he had been responsible for ruining the only happiness she had ever known.

 

And sometimes, it even seemed, like Lord Naraku knew what he had done to her life, and gloated over it. Back before that time in the Midlands, when she was just discovering her feelings for the hanyou knight, she remembered a time they had stood in almost this exact place; the palace lawn, looking out at the city. That was the time he had berated her for marrying any man, even going against love, just so she would no longer be a spinster.

 

It was ironic, really, that her intended husband that she could never love when her heart wanted another, would take her to this very same spot.

 

When Kagome did not answer him, Lord Naraku asked, “Are you all right?”

 

All right? How could she be all right when she had made such a mess of her life she had fooled herself into believing she had any control over? “I am well,” she replied. After all, she had lied so many times in the past few weeks, what was one more lie on top of it. “But I have a small headache that his causing me discomfort.”

 

Of course, a headache wasn't the problem. It was heartache that plagued her night and day, heartache and lamenting for her cowardice and stupidity.

 

Kagome looked away, back towards the city; anywhere but upon the man who, in a month's time, would be her husband. But even if her words would not betray her, perhaps it was her expression, or her eyes, that tipped Lord Naraku off. “You are not happy,” he spoke softly, surprising her with this comment.

 

Whipping around to face him, so fast that her milk white gown twirled around, she asked, “You must be mistaken, Lord Naraku, I am quite happy.” She even attempted a soft smile, but her smiles always came out as sickened copies around him.

 

Giving what would have been a tragic sigh, Lord Naraku's eyes attempted to look worried as he told her, “I am not stupid, Your Highness. I know you have been unhappy ever since our engagement.”

 

Kagome was shocked and fearful at the same time. How could Lord Naraku have figured it out? She had managed to fool Lord Bankotsu, and half the court, and all others that did not know her that well, but…him? How could he have figured it out when her greatest performance of all was being given every minute she was in his presence? Thinking quick, she came up with an excuse, “I am merely overwhelmed, is all. I have been through so many broken betrothals, that I always am a bit melancholy in the beginning. After all, Lord Naraku,” she begged herself not to sound giddy as she spoke, “If you are going to break the betrothal, it is best to do it now and get it over with, right?”

 

He must have thought she was humoring him, and not actually serious. Lord Naraku let out a laugh that chilled her blood. “Not for the world, I assure you. You are too beautiful, too kind, too perfect, that I wonder why any man would break a betrothal once you are promised to him.” His words continued, sounding too sweet to her ears, and even though the were the kindest and most romantic words ever spoken to her by a man, they did not move her, as they should.

 

These words could never move her, what did move her was…

Inuyasha. She remembered the time when she was ill, and he had brought her the remedy. He had saved her life for the first time…And then, soon afterward, when he had saved her life again. Kagome remembered the time in the Midlands, that wonderful time when she could laugh and live life the way she had wanted to, not living this half-life she had now.

She remembered the warmth of his arms, when he held her, the way his voice sounded when he told her everything was going to be all right. The way Inuyasha had opened up to her and they had both shared their feelings, becoming much closer than they were. How he had declared his loyalty so many times, and told her he would die for her, if need be. And those times, when he had kissed her in a passionate embrace, when she felt as if anything were possible…

Yes, that was what moved her.

When Kagome focused her attention back on Naraku again, they started walking towards the palace, while he spoke of their upcoming wedding. “I heard from Lord Bankotsu that the preparations are going well.”

The princess's eyes were downcast. After her wonderful thoughts of Inuyasha, the wedding was the last thing she wanted to think about now. “I should hope so,” she replied, grateful for the long sleeves of her white gown, hiding the fingers fidgeting with the tight betrothal ring, as if she would yank it off at any moment.

“I hear that perhaps even King Sesshoumaru of the Demon Lands will be invited. It will be an amazing thing, one not seen in over hundreds of years, and will never to be seen again for at least that long.” Lord Naraku's sinister maroon eyes seemed to light up at this thought, something that sent chills down Kagome's spine.

No matter how charming the man acted, there was just something about him…something she couldn't quite figure out…

In any case, she did not want to continue this conversation any further. “Forgive me, Lord Naraku, but I think my headache has gotten worse,” she said quickly. “I would like to go back and rest.” That was also a lie. What she wanted to do was run to Inuyasha, and have him hold her while she cried at her own stupidity for allowing herself to promise to marry that man.

“Of course,” Lord Naraku spoke at once. “But I cannot help my giddiness, Your Highness. I cannot help but happily await the day I will make you mine.”

 

“Make you mine.” He had said that. Oh God, how was she going to handle this? She would have to marry the man she did not love, while the one her heart chose was always separated from her, and she would die heartbroken, and alone, just like the princess in the story she had made up, long ago.

Inuyasha said he would be at her side, yes, but only as a friend from now on. They could not dare go any further; if they newly wed queen of the Human Lands and her loyal knight were caught guilty in adultery, they could both be put to death, another tragic end.

Though, out of the two, Kagome thought she would prefer the second. It seemed to at least have some small happiness, before the tragic ending. However, though she was stupid enough to agree to marry a man she did not love, she was not stupid to throw both hers and Inuyasha's life away because of a mortal sin.

Turning away, Kagome replied, “I thank you for your company, Lord Naraku, but now, I must rest. Good day.”

With that, she took off, back towards the palace and to her rooms, where she could hope to get some peace of mind after everything that had occurred. But, as she left, Naraku watched her, his almost too sweet smile fading to a frown. It seems, he thought, glaring. That I have underestimated Inuyasha's influence on her.


* * * * * * * * *


While Kagome was off with Lord Naraku, something her friend Lady Sango wished she could spare her from, she herself was walking in the gardens with Miroku…just to get some fresh air from the beautiful day. They had talked quite often now, ever since Inuyasha and Kagome had troubles, they sometimes felt it best to stay out of their way, since nothing they could say would make it better.

Their friends were victim to something they couldn't control, but both Sango and Miroku wished it would have never come to this; causing them both nearly unbearable pain in both of their hearts. Both had suspected something was going on in the Midlands, and now, seeing what both of their friends were going through, it appeared that the situation was worse than they could have contemplated before.

It was heartbreaking. Neither had seen two people more devoted to each other, but were both powerless to stop themselves from being separated.

But Sango and Miroku weren't going to bring that up. Not now.

Laughing slightly at a comment the monk had made earlier, she shook her head slightly and spoke. “Of course! I told you, we all fought demons in our village. Every last man and woman would don gear and fight, if need be. But I understand this is not proper behavior in any other part of this land, so I'm afraid that I will not be able to show off my skills to these eastern soldiers.”

Miroku laughed along with her as they passed underneath a weeping willow, with tendrils of leaves so long that it nearly blocked them from sight as they walked along the path. “You are truly unlike any woman I have ever met, if you are willing to wear the garb of a man and fight along side of them.”

“But I seem womanly enough for you, at least,” she muttered, smacking his hand away as she felt it creeping towards her behind. Miroku gave a nervous laugh afterward, but at least he did not try it again.

There was a slight pause in their conversation, before Sango turned, and looked back towards the palace. There was Kagome, racing back towards the doors of the palace, like she had been scared out of her wits. The exterminator knew that she had just been with Lord Naraku, and perhaps that it had been too much for her. When Kagome loved another man, being promised to someone like Lord Naraku was something that she could not take easily.

But just as Kagome neared the entrance to the palace, she stopped suddenly, having nearly run into Inuyasha. Both Sango and Miroku watched, hidden, at the exchange in which the hanyou asked her why she was looking so unhappy. Kagome said nothing, but passed him by quickly, making him even more frustrated at his situation. They could see him itching to rip up or punch something in order to vent, but, he glanced at his knuckles, and seemed to remember what happened the last time he tried that.

“It's horrible,” Sango said in a whisper. “With both of them so much in love, and yet never being able to be together.”

The monk stared at her. “Lady Sango…”

“Oh, stop it!” she growled, turning to face him as she sat down on a bench underneath the willow tree, her yellow gown fanning around her. “Just stop calling me `Lady Sango' please…all this formality is going to kill me before everything is settled.”

Sitting next to her, the monk grinned. “All right, Lady Sango. I'll make a deal with you. I shall call you by your true name, if you agree to call me by mine; Miroku. Not `Lord Monk' or simply `Monk', just Miroku.”

Allowing herself a small grin, she asked, “Not even Lord Miroku?”

“Not even that, Lady Sango.”

Rolling her eyes, she agreed, “All right, you have a deal then…Miroku.”

“As do you, Sango.”

There was another silence, after using their true names, both lady and monk didn't know what else to talk about…as formality was something only dropped between family, or lovers…neither of which they were, thankfully.

Glancing back at Inuyasha, who stomped off to some other part of the palace grounds, Sango picked up where she had left off in their previous conversation. “I wish there was something that could be done for them…an amendment of some law, or some way Kagome could get out of her betrothal to Lord Naraku…she didn't know it was a full binding contract until too late.”

“Lord Naraku is a man, with as good of eyes as anyone, and whom also sees the advantages of marrying a princess besides just for her beauty. He is not going to give her up easily,” the monk explained.

Sango sighed. “I know that, but…I don't want to see my best friend from childhood suffering so much. She told me years ago that she hoped to fall madly in love one day, to be just like the women in chivalric tales sung by minstrels…but it happened to be the misfortune that she fell in love with someone she could never have.”

Miroku's indigo eyes looked downward as he spoke, “It is a misfortune, yes, but…it doesn't have to be.”

She glanced back at him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, even if she is to be married to another man, there is no stopping them from being in love anyway, right?”

Sango eyes widened. “You mean…you think Kagome would actually be disloyal to her own husband? But…that's absurd! Kagome would never do anything like that…in love with Inuyasha she may be, but she is not abandoned all reason to throw away her life for a sin—”

Miroku shook his head. “Calm down, I didn't mean that. I meant that even if all they do was dance at banquets, and see each other casually during the day, they could still be in love, with the advantage of not committing adultery.”

Glancing down at her hands, which were fidgeting in her lap, Sango shook her head. “I don't think it's possible. After all, she would have to be a master of hiding her feelings to accomplish that, which she is on the brink of cracking as it is. For another, that would mean that one of them would have to finally admit their feelings, to show that their bond is strong enough to last even through a marriage to another man. Kagome's been so upset lately, but maybe if Inuyasha spoke his feelings, Kagome might respond as well.”

The monk argued, “He's not going to do that. He won't go blindly and admit what he feels because he's afraid how she's going to take it. After all, with Kagome's recent betrothal, Inuyasha will surely try to put his feelings aside, since it must hurt him whenever he sees her with Lord Naraku.”

“Ridiculous,” Sango muttered. “All Kagome wants is to have Inuyasha hold her and pull her through this tough time. If Inuyasha told her he loved her, it would give her a small happiness to hold on to, through the misery surrounding her.”

This caused Miroku to pause and think about something for a minute. Then he began, softly, “Sango…”

But the breeze picked up around them, making reality fall back into place, and causing the monk to stop and turn away, not going to say whatever it was he had been meaning to.

Feeling a bit disappointed, Sango wondered what it was he had been meaning to say…however, she knew that she didn't care one bit if it had romantic intentions. No, she truly did not care at all if that is what he meant, because why would that mean anything to her?

It wasn't like she had fallen for this false monk, after all.


* * * * * * * *


The halls were silent in the darkness of the night. While everyone was at dinner, Kikyou wandered the halls, alone. She didn't like dining with everyone else. And the main reason was because of Lord Naraku.

Kikyou, who was usually so calm and reminded, did not understand why, whenever she looked at this man, he looked so familiar, or why the mere thought of him sent chills up her spine. Lord Naraku was a lord from the far north, so why would he look so familiar, as if something was tugging on her mind, begging her to figure out why.

Sighing, she thought, I am sure it is just my imagination, turning a corner of the halls, never expecting what came next.

Suddenly, Lady Kikyou found herself face to face with Lord Naraku, who's eerie smile made all warning bells signal in her head. Trying to regain control of her racing heart, Kikyou spoke, “L-Lord Naraku. Forgive me, but you startled me.”

His marron eyes glinted, making Kikyou wonder why that gaze was causing a small fear to rise in her heart. “Ah, are you always so easily startled, Lady Kikyou?” his voice was sinister, adding another shiver to go through her. What was wrong with her? Why was she so afraid of this man she hardly knew.

Kikyou suddenly remembered something, something from months ago…something that she had desperately been trying to forget. She didn't know why, but the situation made her think of Lord Onigumo…who caught her in the halls frequently, grinning at her fear as he stalked her…and the evil glint in those terrible maroon eyes…just like Lord Naraku's!

“I-I must go!” she gasped, turning and running as quickly as she could anywhere away from him. Her mind raced. What was happening? Why was Lord Naraku so much like Lord Onigumo? And why, when they were two different men, was she so frightened.

Kikyou didn't even think as she saw Inuyasha in the deserted main hall, and ran for him. “Inuyasha!” she called, barreling into him before he knew what had happened. She didn't mean to…but then again, she hadn't expected to meet a man with Lord Onigumo's eyes, either.

As for Inuyasha, his mind instantly raced to the train of thought it had been for weeks. “Kagome? Kagome, are you all—” But as the woman lifted her head, the hanyou felt all the blood rush to his face at the realization of his mistake. “Oh…Lady Kikyou.” Damn it all, why did they have to look so similar!

But wait a minute…why is Kikyou…? And why does she look so scared? “Kikyou…is something the matter?” Of course something was wrong. She wouldn't have run to him otherwise.

“I'm sorry, Inuyasha,” Kikyou spoke softly, her face as pale as death. “But…I just…” she trailed off, looking away.

Even though Inuyasha no longer loved her, he could never leave a woman in distress. “Kikyou,” he spoke softly, trying to calm her as he put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Tell me what's wrong.”

But as Kikyou struggled to pull herself together, someone else entered the hallway and saw what was happening. Someone else, who's eyes went wide and instantly hid behind the first curtain she could find, though still watching. Inuyasha…and Kikyou? Kagome thought, wondering why she felt sudden, hot anger bubble through her.

“Inuyasha,” Kikyou finally replied, looking back up at him. “Just now…I was walking through the corridors, and I saw…I saw Lord Naraku.”

The hanyou's gut tightened at the mention of Kagome's future husband, but he did not let on to it. “Lord Naraku?”

Kikyou nodded. “Yes…he just…stared at me, but…Inuyasha, on him…I saw Lord Onigumo's eyes!”

“Lord Onigumo?” Inuyasha asked, shaking his head. “Impossible…I saw him die!”

“I know he's dead, but I would know that gaze anywhere!” Kikyou exclaimed, her eyes that had been frightened a minute ago, now turning to anger. “I don't know, how, or why, but I swear, those are his eyes!”

Deciding the best way in calming her down was to believe her, Inuyasha sighed, “All right Kikyou. If anyone would know Lord Onigumo's eyes, it's you. But…how, or why…?”

That was what Kikyou wanted to know, but knew the asking would be a silly question. Lord Onigumo was dead. But why was she so sure that Lord Naraku had the same eyes as him? However, it was something to ponder later. Pushing away from the hanyou, Kikyou composed herself. “I am sorry for worrying you, Inuyasha,” she replied, dignified as ever. “But…I was scared, you understand.”

“I do,” he nodded, glad that he felt guiltless in all of this. “You needed comforting…and I can't leave a woman in distress.”

“For that, I thank you, Inuyasha,” Kikyou replied, and, as always, turned away, leaving him behind. Inuyasha just stood there, watching her go, before he turned away.

But as he turned away, he heard a movement behind the large, crimson curtain. His lightning fast reflexes ripped open the curtain in case of an attacker, but instead found a very embarrassed princess of the Human Lands. “K-Kagome…”

Kagome looked away. She had just seen Inuyasha with Kikyou, and for some reason, didn't want to look at him now. “Oh…hello.”

Something was wrong. And he couldn't tell it by her scent either. His heart fell in his chest. She must have seen… “Kagome, did you see me with Kikyou?”

Instead of replying, she spoke in a rush. “It doesn't matter, Inuyasha. I know that there must have been…well, that is, I understand…after all, I'm to be married and—”

“It wasn't what it looked like!” the hanyou sputtered, dropping the curtain so they were both shrouded by its fabric from public eye. “She was scared, and I couldn't just…Damnit, Kagome…Okay, I admit there was something before, but its all over now, understand? Kikyou was scared out of her wits and I was just trying to comfort her! I'm not—” He sighed for a moment, and spoke softer, “Kagome, am I the kind of man to say one thing to a woman I care about, and then do another?”

Kagome glanced downward. “No, you are not,” she admitted, feeling sick at herself for coming to the wrong conclusion. “I'm sorry Inuyasha…I just—”

But he forgave her instantly. “I know Kagome, I know…”

They were silent for a few moments, before Kagome decided to turn their conversation elsewhere. “But why was Kikyou so scared? I didn't think anything could scare Kikyou.”

At first, Inuyasha didn't want to tell her. It was, after all, about her intended husband. But, he couldn't exactly lie to her; for one, it was against the law to lie to a princess and for another…he just couldn't. “Kikyou said she saw Lord Onigumo's eyes on Lord Naraku.”

“What?” Kagome gasped. “But…that's impossible! Lord Onigumo is—”

“Dead, yeah,” he finished. “But…I can't say that they don't look similar. And Lord Naraku did say he was a good friend of Lord Onigumo and inherited his lands upon his death.”

Thoughts whirred in Kagome's head. Lord Onigumo...how could he be connected to Lord Naraku? Her betrothed was…somewhat odd, but how could that prove anything? “I don't understand…how could they be connected.”

Inuyasha remained silent for a moment. Was he really going to do this? How could he? But…he knew now there was no option. “That's what I'm going to have to find out.”

Kagome remained silent for a moment, glancing up at him as their eyes met. In the darkness, a golden flame seemed to be kindled in his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I made a decision,” he told her, continuing. “Kagome…this thing with Lord Naraku, and Lord Onigumo…your kidnapping…everything seems so unusual…and that's why I'm going to have to figure out how it all adds up. Kagome…I'm sure Sesshoumaru knew more than he let on when we last met. That's why…I'm going to have to see him again, and figure out what this all means.”

“Wh-What?” Inuyasha…was leaving her? How could he? He promised to always stay by her side. “Inuyasha, you're not—”

“I have no choice, Kagome!” he countered, making her stop and see the fire burn in his eyes. “Something is going on here, something that could endanger you, and I will never forgive myself if I don't figure out what it is and you get hurt!”

It was true. Inuyasha was leaving her. But… “How long will you be gone?” she asked, her voice sounding dead as she glanced downward.

He closed his eyes a moment. “At most, a month.”

“A…A month!” she stammered, glancing back up at him with sudden shock in her eyes. But the wedding is in a month! How am I supposed to make it through if he is not here with me!

Her fingers began to shake as tears formed in her eyes. Feeling guilt flood him, Inuyasha suddenly did something he had not allowed for weeks; he pulled her to his chest in a comforting embrace. Kagome let out a small gasp, but then, all barriers melted as she relaxed in his arms, her own clinging to his chest as if all the world was crumbling away. “I'm sorry,” his voice was harsh in his own guilt. “But…I can't see you in danger because I didn't learn about what was happening sooner. Kagome…I promise I'll be back as soon as I can.”

“You protect me,” she felt her voice water as the tears grew larger. “Who will protect me when you are gone?”

“I'll ask the wolf; he'll do it gladly.”

That wasn't at all what she meant. Her head snapping up at him, she demanded. “But what about my heart? Who will be here to help me when I am nearly driven mad because of the wreck I made my life?”

Looking away, Inuyasha spoke softly. “Please, don't make this any harder than it is, Kagome…you have your family, and your friends to help you…they will probably help you better than I will. But I have to do this, Kagome. I've been thinking about it for a while, and with what Kikyou said, I know it is what I must do. I'm sorry, but…I can't allow a woman I care about to get hurt because I didn't do anything about it.”

Her eyes widened. That was probably the closest to a romantic confession she had ever gotten out of him. And what he did next was even better. Inuyasha slowly, came closer to her, both of their hearts racing, and, in a bold move, placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Kagome's heart fluttered as he pulled away, wondering if he would kiss her again, only, not on the forehead this time.

“Wait for me,” he whispered, and then, turned, leaving her there, never looking back. She couldn't see him leave, because of the curtain, but Kagome listened until she could hear his footsteps no more.

And then the tears filled her eyes. “He's gone…” she whispered to herself, as tears fell down her cheek. “Now there is nothing to keep me happy between now and…” she couldn't bring herself to name the day she would be sealed away to Lord Naraku forever. Didn't he realize that without him, she would go insane?

Clenching her fists, she squeezed her eyes tight in an attempt to control herself as she thought bitterly, Inuyasha, if you don't come back soon, then I'll never forgive you!