InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Street Musician ❯ The Life I Want ( Chapter 12 )

I do not own Inuyasha & Co.

 

After receiving a review for Chapter 11 of this fic, I just couldn't resist re-reading it.  That got me into the mood for typing more on it.  So, I certainly hope this chapter will be just as enjoyable as the last one.  Once again, thanks for the reviews and the support.  Enjoy!

 

Chapter 12: The LifeI Want

 

 

 

Inuyasha laid upon his bed, staring up at the ceiling, deep in thought.  As he tossed over what it was, he truly wanted out of life, he realized that everything wrapped around Kagome.  Sure, he had aspirations for his career, lofty ones at that, but he couldn't see himself without her.  No matter how he tried, he needed her.  In fact, part of him wondered if she'd join him in the career he had hoped to achieve.  He hoped he could gain her interest in joining him as a duo at least.  She could sing, and he could play.  As he thought about the words she'd come up with those times they put their heads together, they were perfect.  If anyone knew his heart, it was Kagome.

 

Kagome set her mind on learning journalism.  He thought about it, and couldn't see Kagome as a reporter.  Sure, Kagome's writing is definitely full of meaning and feeling, but her way with words is more than just informative jargon.  Inuyasha decided the next time he sees her, he'd tell her those exact words.  Sure, she can inform someone about his life, but only because he was a subject she is obviously passionate about.  Inuyasha made his decision, and then decided to see what would happen as he just packed up his equipment and headed out to the subway.

 

 

@*@

 

 

Kagome decided to sit down and write in her notebook.  About what?  Her heart and her mind's thoughts about her life.  As she grabbed her pen and clicked the top of it, the lead filled point protruding from the end of it, her mind reeled various words and scenes, as if she was inwardly watching a filmstrip.  As curve after curve, dot after punctuated dot graced the pages, she saw into a whole other conscious.  The conscious Kagome escaped to every time she wrote.

 

Time flew by as her heart poured out onto the pages, between the lines, coating each page with waves and curves of black ink.  She cared not if it flowed well. She just let her hand jot what her heart told it to.  Her heart was truly a whole other world as it expressed its feelings, its emotions, its inner most secrets.  Her heart, in essence, was her true muse.  To her, the language of the heart is the most powerful of all, and the most sacred.  Not only can one learn from the language of the heart, but one can also feel things felt by those before.  Wisdom passed by words from the heart.  Words, which can affect those who listen.  Those who wish to have answers, those who are lost, confused, who feel unloved.

 

I struggle onward with you and you with me.  Our love feels almost too free.  Where will these emotions take us?  Is there anywhere else from here?  Will my heart spill out with every confusing tear?  I have no clue, what we will do.  You and I are flying to high it seems.  Living our lives in dreams.  Oh, how I love to fly, but oh how I miss the distance of the sky.  When things made sense, it was easy to pretend.  Now, I can't.  I must be true. I must be with you. 

 

You are like a drug, and I am the taker.  How can I live without you?  Can you live without me?  I think not, for either of us.  Sure, I became the goddess in your heart, but you became the knight in mine.  The two of us feel immortal when together, like nothing can touch or stop us.  Stop us from what?  From where?  Oh, how lost in love I feel.  There's no map, no directions.  We're just speeding along, enjoying each other's love and passion.  Can I ever come down from the high you've lifted me to?  Part of me wants to, and the other part is enjoying it too much and can't get enough of you.

 

You say I gave you life, but you don't know of what you've given me.  My heart is soaring in the clouds, floating within the calmest sea.  Nothing can touch me; nothing can bring my heart down.  You make my body and soul sing.  You love my voice, but my soul's voice is so much stronger.  I can read you like Braille.  Every muscle, every curve as you thrust into me.  Every fulfilling time you and I make love, I read you're innermost secrets.  I can weave words around your soul like a spider weaves silk between great distances within a room.  I love everything about you.  Everything about your soul.  I thank you for you, as you thank me for me.

 

Kagome sighed deeply as she read her thoughts upon the paper.  Her writing was definitely mesmerizing.  To read her heart like this made her cry.  The words read of nothing short of euphoria and confusion.  She began to wonder what Inuyasha would think if he read these words from her heart.  If he could understand the language of her heart like she understands his. 

 

As her heart decided it had spilled enough black ink onto the page, she got up from the bed, set the notebook down and got herself dressed and cleaned up.  Sure, Inuyasha said they needed time away, but after that, she felt the need to share her heart with him.  Once she was dressed and ready, she grabbed the notebook and headed out to the place they met.  That same subway. 

 

 

@*@

 

 

 

Inuyasha carted his equipment down the stairwell, and into the deep tunnel of the subway.  Future passengers waited patiently as some of them recognized him and called out his name in waiting. Inuyasha smiled as he heard his name called and he went right straight to work.  His mind was somewhat confused since his talk with Kagome.  His heart didn't cry, but he was close at the words he had said to her.

 

"Kagome, you are the soul reason for this change in me.  You mean so much to me, that I crave your touch, your love, and your soul.  I didn't mean it to go this far.  I thought I could handle being in love for the first time.  I never thought it would be this hard.  I never meant to scare or confuse you, Kagome.  On top of that, my body has come to crave contact with you.  Believe me; I never thought I would crave touch."

Kagome didn't know what to say.  She remained silent as he explained.  As he mentioned what all had been happening deep within himself, tears filled her eyes.  She caused him to change.  To become an even deeper person.  To become a man.

"Inuyasha, I didn't expect that I would be the one to open your heart.  I never looked at your life or lack of social standing as pathetic or anything.  I guess our meeting was fated, and we're just confused."

"Yeah sounds about right.  I just don't want you to think I'm gonna walk away or anything.  I just…I think some hours away from each other, like a day or two would help us to think about what we have clearly.  I mean, ya know…without the need for…that…" Kagome giggled as he chuckled over the subject he implied.

As those thoughts went through his mind, he had already begun playing.  The music seemed confused, passionate, but full of love and devotion.  Future passengers sat on the benches and upon the floor as they sipped their drinks and ate their meals to the entertainment.

 

Some time had passed before another pair of ears joined the bunch upon the platform.  She walked a distance from him slowly, making sure to stand where she'd remain in his sight.  As Inuyasha continued to eye the frets or the insides of his eyelids, Kagome watched in awe.  As the music began to get more emotional, showing absolute confusion and pain, her voice chose on its own accord.

 

As Inuyasha made love to the music inwardly and with his fingers, a voice suddenly broke out amongst his heart.  Suddenly, he began to think her voice had somehow vocalized inside his mind and heart, not connecting it with his ears.  Too immersed in his musical trance to look at the eyes boring though his very soul.

 

Everyone in the subway missed their scheduled rides as they watched the connection between the boy and girl.  It was electric in that subway as the warmth of each soul filled the depths of the station platform area. 

 

Kagome's heart read his as she sang the words he couldn't.  Her voice became the outline for his music, and he began to follow a pattern, ending the chaos.  His emotional turmoil ended as Kagome's voice wrapped around his heart and calmed it.  They ended the climax as the song slowly faded calmly from his amp.

 

After a couple seconds of silence, the wayward passengers clapped, whooped and hollered in excitement.  That finally brought Inuyasha out of the world he had created in his mind.  His golden eyes observed all around him.  The bright faces, the happy smiles, and the standing ovation he was receiving.  Then he looked straight ahead.  There she was.  His angel, his heart reader, Kagome.  His breath stopped as shock overcame him.  She was there, and he thought her voice was in his heart and head, not out in the open.

 

Then it occurred to him.  His heart's voice was no longer his own, it was her voice.  Their eyes locked, tears falling from both sets.  Before they knew it, their eyes had pulled them closer, as Inuyasha pushed his guitar behind him.  They embraced passionately, and kissed just as heavily.  More whoops and hollers sounded along with whistling as the clapping noise shot thru the roof loud enough to reach the street.

 

The world melted away as the two followed their emotions and kissed their hearts out.  If that weren't an eye opener for the both of them, then who knows what they'd think.  As the next train pulled up a few moments later, they parted, panting and shocked at themselves and each other.

 

“Kagome…” Inuyasha said aloud as they pulled away for air. Kagome smiled as he pulled her to his chest and held her close. “I realized something just now. Tell me you saw the same.”

 

“Yes. I can't ignore it, Inu.” Kagome breathed as she relaxed against his chest.

 

“What should we do?” Inuyasha asked as he closed his eyes.

 

“We need to talk openly about what we both want. Obviously, we don't know.” She replied simply, wrapping her arms tighter around his waist if it was possible.

 

“I agree. Let's get outta here.” Inuyasha suggested as he pushed her to arms length and stooped to grab his equipment. Kagome followed his lead in helping him pack up as `clanks and clinks' sounded from his hat behind them.

 

Once everyone around them stepped onto the train that had just pulled in, Inuyasha grabbed his hat and emptied the nice amount of coins into a change purse, then set the purse into the pocket in his guitar case. Kagome slung his guitar over her shoulder as he carried his heavy amp. They walked quickly to the apartment to drop off the equipment and then headed out to the nearest restaurant for food to help them think.

 

“I have given this relationship some thought since our last phone call.” Inuyasha began as he carried their food to a nearby table. “I think I have an idea of what we can do that would allow us to live out both our dreams together.”

 

“How?” Kagome asked as she sat down and grabbed a fry from her tray.

 

“Write music with me.” Inuyasha suggested as he grabbed her other hand and eyed her with hope.

 

Kagome stopped chewing as the words swam through her mind. The look he gave her told her many things. Sure, they had something wonderful, but she wasn't really planning to live a touring musical life.

 

“What do ya think?” Inuyasha asked with a hopeful smile.

 

“I don't know. I mean, it does sound like we have something here, but I'm not looking for that type of life.” Kagome replied sullenly as she held his gaze.

 

Inuyasha's eyes fell slightly as she gave her answer. “But, what do you think I am without your voice?” She just eyed him as the question filled her ears. “Well, okay. Answer something for me.” He requested as he grabbed a fry. “What do you plan to do with the skills you learn in journalism classes?”

 

“Well, I plan to be a writer, of course.”

 

“What type of writer?” He asked with a shrug.

 

“I'm not sure. I live to write more than any thing. Learning what I'm learning can be used universally. I could even apply these skills to writing fiction, poetry, novels. Learning how best to express myself.” She explained as she watched him eat the fries before him.

 

“Well, you have another talent you're overlooking, clearly. You saw the reaction we got back there. I don't get anything akin to what happens when you're with me.”

 

“Well, I wouldn't know, since whenever I'm with you, I end up singing without even thinking.” Kagome shrugged and simply stated.

 

Inuyasha dropped the fry he was about to eat when he let out a breath he had been holding. “Kagome, please. You have the most gorgeous voice I've ever heard. Not only that, but I can only express my heart through chords. You can put them to words. We're meant for more than just some selfish love affair that we keep to ourselves.” Inuyasha threw out.

 

“You really think so?” Inuyasha nodded. “Well, the thing is, I didn't plan for a life which would include touring, singing for thousands of screaming fans or anything like that. I just enjoy singing because I can. I don't plan to make that my career. I mean, I'm supportive in your decision to become a performer, but I'm not headed that way.” Kagome explained as she un-wrapped her sandwich.

 

“Are you serious?!” Inuyasha belted out as he slammed his drink down on the table.

 

“Yes.” Kagome replied as she brought the sandwich to her lips.

 

Inuyasha remained silent as her answers scratched his heart in various different places, paining him like paper cuts. “Kagome, I need you to think about your life. You need to find yourself. You have no idea what I see in you. What, those people in the subway see in us. Stuff like this doesn't happen everyday, Kagome!”

 

“I know that!” Kagome shouted. “Sure, it sounds wonderful, but I'm not the type to perform just because others ask me to!”

 

“So, you're that selfish, are you?” Inuyasha let slip out before he could even think. Kagome dropped her sandwich and slapped the crumbs off her hands. She grabbed her purse and left him behind without even hearing his shouts to apologize.

 

`Inuyasha, you knuckle head. I do see what we have together. But why would I wanna share it with the whole world when they could stomp all over us like we're ants?' she thought as she walked back to the dorm.

 

Inuyasha hung his head as he grabbed the trays of uneaten food and tossed it all into the garbage. `How the hell could that have been misunderstood? What did she see that I don't? Damnit…My mouth has no tact.' Inuyasha thought to himself as he relieved the restaurant of onlookers of his sullen presence.

 

@*@

 

 

(Ring…Click)

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey, Miro. It's me.”

 

“Inu! Hey, bud! What's up?”

 

“I did something unthinkably stupid.”

 

“Did ya now. And what would that be?”

 

“I said something I shouldn't have to Kagome.”

 

“Uh oh. And what was that?”

 

“I said she was selfish for not wanting to share her talent.”

 

“Eeesh…Yeah, that was stupid. What lead to that?”

 

“She came to the subway today, and something happened between us. I can't explain it. Miroku, I love her so much, that her voice is my voice now. I asked her to join me and write music with me as a career. She turned me down.”

 

“Ah. Why would she turn you down though?”

 

“I don't know. She said things like, she wasn't planning on that sort of life. That she wanted to use her talents as a writer, but not use her voice. She said she didn't sing for others on request. She does it because she can. Miroku, am I wrong in thinking that sounds selfish?”

 

“Actually no. I bet the thing that got to her was you said exactly what she needed to hear. I bet she never realized how selfish she is. Sounds like she aims to use her talents for no more than personal gain, not to touch others. You're just the opposite.”

 

“Yeah. Thing is, I kinda just spat the words out without thinking. The look she gave me hurt, Miro. I tried to apologize, but she ignored me and walked out of the diner.”

 

“Well, what I suggest is to let her cool down and mull over what you said. If you did indeed strike a chord, the truth will come to her at some point.”

 

“Okay. Thanks. If you see her, can you tell her I didn't mean to hurt her?”

 

“That's `if' I see her. It all depends on what happens tonight.”

 

“Okay. Well, I'm home now. I'll talk at ya later. Thanks for listening, Miro.”

 

“No problem, bud. Just relax and think things over. Just don't lose sleep over this. It won't last long.”

 

“Thanks.” (Click)

 

 

@*@

 

 

“So, you're that selfish, are you?”

 

She couldn't believe those words had left his mouth. Selfish? Her? No way. No one had ever called her selfish before. Sure, Kagome had aspirations. She does not focus on her affect her words have on others. To her, that doesn't sound selfish. She had never really aspired to shine or stand in the limelight.

 

Kagome had simply just wanted to do what she did best well. Nothing more. She had no aspirations of becoming well known, rich, or famous. Inuyasha, on the other hand, did what he did for the pleasure of others. Kagome had never really cared much. She just knew she could do the things she was focusing on, and wanted to hone them, study them. Succeed in them. She is meant to write. Inuyasha is meant to play his heart to the masses. The exact opposite of her desires.

 

The fact that he had said she was selfish was rude and he obviously had no clue as to what she wanted out of life. Because it comes easy to her, she does it out of convenience. Everything else is a challenge for her. Her voice isn't her focus, and never was. For Kagome to think about being a duo with him when she didn't want the same things out of life would only hinder him if they were to go their separate ways. She felt they would come to depend too deeply on each other and gain too much to lose in the end should anything happen between them. That was the last thing she wanted.

 

Kagome mulled her emotions and her case over in her head as she stopped by the bench and sat down thinking more on the subject at hand. Once her mind allowed a sigh to escape her lips, her eyes glanced to the corner near the door where they had shared that last intimate moment a night ago.

 

Her breath caught in her throat at how much love he expressed for her in the act. His entire soul relied on her being near. Relied on her completely. Wanting her completely. Wanting more than she can give. He wants to be one with her in many ways. Too much.

 

`Inuyasha, how can I be that girl? I wish you could show me how. I don't know if I could follow you all the way. Being supportive is one thing, but sharing it with you completely? Could I live under your shadow like that? Am I meant for a life in the sun?'

 

A tear fell from her left eye as that last thought hit her heart full on. Could she be the girl he sees her to be? Is he truly seeing her? Or a dream girl perhaps? Who knew, since confusion seized her mind, clouding her thoughts? Obviously, she needed to do some soul searching to gain the answers to those questions.

 

 

 

@*@

 

Well now, this was an interesting turn of events. Did you see this coming? I know I certainly didn't. Well, even though a long stretch caused this chapter's delay, I'm glad the time did not interrupt the flow of this chapter. Thanks for waiting, and I certainly hope this wasn't too little for as long a time as you all had to wait. Until next time, ja ne!