InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The World Through His Eyes ❯ Where Are You Going ( Chapter 14 )

Disclaimer: I have a stomach virus right now, so I guess you could say that I “own” that. But that's all I have…and now that I think about it, I'm willing to give it away, so if anyone wants to trade the rights to Inuyasha for these yucky germs I'm game (^_*)…for a look at past, and more informing disclaimers look at chapters 1-13…

 

 

AN: Thanks for all the support you've all given me. I'm eternally grateful for all of the prayers and kindnesses you've shown me.

 

 

 

 

 

::RECAP::

 

 

“Kagome?”

 

“Inuyasha, don't go. At least stay in here with me until after the sun goes down.” He could see the blush staining her cheeks clearly even though the room cast in shadows. Inuyasha was confused about what she meant, though. He always stayed close to her when she was sleeping no matter what time they were in.

 

“I always stay in here, wench. Even when you get it into your head to kick me out.” He informed her, still leaning over her bed because of her hold on his arm.

 

“No, what I mean is, I want you to hold me,” Then seeing the look in his eyes she rushed to explain, “Just until the sun goes down or I go to sleep, then you can go do what ever you do when you're here at night, I just…I'm worried that the spell will go all wacky when you turn human…” Her voice trailed off when he shifted to lay down beside her on top of the covers. Inuyasha wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back up close to his chest, then he made himself comfortable on her pillow. The bed wasn't very big, but he didn't mind having to pull her close so that they'd both fit. In fact, he rather liked it's tiny size, he smirked to himself as he buried his nose into her hair.

 

“You don't have to do this if you don't want to, you know.” Her voice was slurred and Inuyasha knew that it wouldn't be long before she fell into dreamland.

 

“Go to sleep, Kagome. And don't worry about sun down. I'm sure nothing will happen.” She was almost certain she felt him nip her neck after he said that, but she would never be sure, because she drifted off before she could voice her surprise.

 

Just as her breathing evened out in sleep, Inuyasha felt the first twinge that meant his youkai blood was waning.

 

`I hope I was right!'

 

 

::END RECAP::

 

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Chapter 14: Where Are You Going

 

Is where you are is where I belong

--Where Are You Going, Dave Mathews Band

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

 

 

The breeze was pleasant. It carried the fragrance of a multitude of flowers on its wings as if softly caressed her face and she couldn't help but smile at the soothing sensation. She lay on her back in a field of wildflowers watching the lazy clouds drift by high above her. She more than happy, she was content, satisfied with everything around her. She had a husband that she loved with all her soul, and two amazing children, with another little one on the way, indeed, what more could she possibly want?

 

 

“Mommy! Mommy! Daddy's being mean to big brother again! He's teasing him about cousin Rin!” The woman sat up with a little difficulty and caught her son into her arms as he came bounding up to her. She ruffled his long black hair that his father refused to let her cut and tweaked one of his slightly pointed human ears. While pregnant with him, she's hoped that he'd have dog ears like her husband, but being only a quarter youkai he was born looking mostly human. His big eyes gleamed their funny blue-grey-purple color in the sunlight, and when he grinned an almost sharp fang stuck out from between his lips.

 

“And you didn't help Daddy tease Shippou-chan at all?” She asked as she settled him into her lap. The little boy immediately pressed his ear to the gentle swell of her stomach and poked his thumb into his mouth.

 

“Well, maybe I told Daddy that big brother got a letter.” He spoke around his thumb, and although it was hard to understand what he was saying his mother didn't scold him. She believed that he'd grow out of it in due time.

 

“So this is where you disappeared off to, huh runt?” The word would have sounded harsh coming from anyone else, but her husband's voice was only full of love for their child and maybe gentle teasing.

 

“Daddy!” The little boy shouted and flung himself into his father's arms. The woman was amused, but pretended to pout at being abandoned so quickly.

 

“What about mommy? Don't you want to cuddle longer?” She asked as her husband swung their little boy around in circles, occasionally throwing him high in the air, only to catch him at the last possible moment. The woman watched as their hair flew out around them in swirling clouds of silver and raven. She placed a hand to her belly and fervently hoped that her next child would be blessed with Inuyasha's hair color and not her own.

 

“Keh, he's a big boy now, he doesn't want to cuddle he wants to go play in the dirt! The dirt's better than kisses and hugs any day!” But he contradicted his self by leaning down and kissing her loudly on the lips. The little boy wrinkled his nose and told his daddy that he was now infected by cooties.

 

“You're mother doesn't have cooties. She's too pretty to have cooties.” He informed his son as he plopped down beside his wife. “Go bother your big brother now so Mommy and Daddy can talk. He was writing a letter back to Rin last time I checked.” He shooed the little boy back toward the village with a pat to his bottom. He giggled evil and went running off to torture his older brother.

 

“You shouldn't have done that itoshii, it will only make them fight. Which means one of them will come running out here in a few minutes.” She pointed out to him with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Keh, he's not really writing Rin back. Shippou promised to entertain the little one while I talked to you.” He leaned over and nuzzled her neck and she giggled a bit as some of his silver hair tickled her chin. She reached up to rub his ears and was rewarded by his deep throated purring.

 

“My, you're in a mood today. Want to tell me what's on your mind?” She asked as he shifted to lay down beside her with his head cushioned in her lap. She smiled when he pressed on ear up against her stomach like their son had done earlier.

 

“I got you something.” He said in lue of an actual answer. He reached inside his red haori and pulled out an object wrapped in soft cloth. He handed it over to her and watched with half-lidded amber eyes as she opened it carefully. She sucked in a breath when she caught sight of what he'd given her; it was a beautiful ornate mirror that must have cost…no she wouldn't think of that now.

“Oh Inuyasha, I love it!” She leaned down to give him a long lingering kiss and when she pulled away she heard him whisper…

“I'm glad you like it. I love you with my whole heart…Kikyou…”

 

“NOOOO!” Kagome sat up in bed and grasp her heaving chest with a sweat palm. She scooted back in bed as if she was trying to get away from something terrible. She could feel the cold sweat running down the back of her neck as she sucked in great breaths of air. That dream…

No, it was more like a nightmare. Like a sweet dish hiding poison, it had taken her unawares.

“Why?” she managed to choke the words out past her suddenly parched throat and she absently reached for the glass of water that she always kept on her bedside table. Something tightened around her abdomen as she shifted for the glass, making her glance down to see if her nightmare had caused her to get tangled up in the sheets. But it wasn't bed covers that were wrapped around her waist, but two arms. Kagome's eyes followed the arms until they met with the white-clad chest of the person lying next to her. It was then that she became aware of the face that was pressed into the pillow at her hip and the way her skirt had ridden up during her sleep, but she still couldn't seem to shake off her nightmare-induced daze.

“What did that dream mean? It was so real, what if he really is supposed to be with her…instead of me?” She shivered and bit her lip to keep from crying out at the pain that shot through her heart at that thought. Beside her, the now human Inuyasha stirred and tighten his arms around her hips. He made a little sound in the back of his throat, as if he was coaxing her to lie back down, but she ignored him.

“She had my life. She was living the life I dreamed I would live….” She struggled out of his hold and stumbled across the room to the open window. Without hesitation she stuck her head out into the inky blackness of night for some much needed fresh air, but after her first shuttering gulp her stomach turned. It was the same smell as in the dream.

The smell of hundreds of wildflowers on the breeze.

“Kagome?” His voice was sleep roughened and confused, but she didn't turn around to acknowledge him, she couldn't because she was trying to keep the contents of her stomach down.

“Kagome!?!” His voice sounded panicked and she remembered that his sense of smell was gone tonight. He couldn't see her in the dark room and he was afraid that something had happened to her.

“I'm here.” She managed to shut the window before the sickly sweet smell of the wildflowers could cause her more distress. Kagome allowed her body to slide down the wall toward the floor as the sound of footsteps hurried toward her.

Inuyasha caught her before she hit the ground, but instead of picking her up he just shifted her into his lap and sat down under the window. The room was pitch-black and the only sounds to be heard was Kagome's choking half-sobs. He pulled her as close as was humanly possible, and tried to get her to calm down. Mentally he reached for their link, but he couldn't find it. In desperation he searched his mind for her thoughts or feelings but could find no trace of Kagome anywhere.

It was like someone had ripped a huge chunk out of his heart.

He couldn't help the whimper that escaped from his throat. She was in distress and upset, but he could do nothing about it. What if he could never feel her again? The very thought caused him physical pain.

“Kagome, please tell me what's wrong! I can't feel you in my head koi, and it's scaring me.” As a youkai, Inuyasha would have never admitted to being scared, but his human half didn't care about trivial things such as pride when it came to women and tears. Especially when it was this woman and her tears.

“I'm okay. It was just a bad dream. I'm sorry I woke you up.” She took a deep breath and slowly released it out. Inuyasha felt her relax against him and he felt a measure of calm return to his mind. She wasn't hurt, it had only been a nightmare. He buried his face into the crook of her neck and in-held the sent of her. Even as a human with weak senses the way Kagome smelt still had the same soothing effect on his nerves, yet he couldn't relax all the way, not when her presence was absent in his head.

“Kagome, why can't I feel you? Why can't I find our link?” He sounded so lost that Kagome momentarily forgot her nightmare and focused on the man who was holding her. She reached out mentally and was able to find their link without any trouble, but it felt different, almost hollow somehow. She tweaked it again and realized what was missing; up until now, every thing she'd reached out to Inuyasha through their link his presence had filled her mind, sort of bumping her back, so to say. But this time although she could feel him and his emotions, it was like a part of him wasn't responding to her mental touch. It was a distressing problem, but the solution was a simple one.

“Inuyasha, we're still linked, it's just that as a human you don't have any spiritual powers that allow you to feel the link.” The way he sagged with relief at her words made Kagome smile. She poked him lightly in the ribs.

“Hey, I thought my emotions and thoughts constantly filling up your head were annoying! You ought to be glad to get a night off!” She teased him. He smiled down at her before reaching out and tucking a strand of her hair behind her left ear.

“Did I say that?” He asked softly as he looked into her eyes. She felt a blush creep up into her cheeks at his nearness, but didn't look away.

“Yes, just last week.” Was it just her, or did she sound rather breathless?

“Well, I lied.” He lowered his mouth until it was only a hairs breath away from her own lips…

“So tell me about this dream that was so horrible it had you fighting to get away from me?” He smirked at her shocked face and dropped a kiss to her cheek. Kagome blushed an even deeper shade of red and started struggling to get out of his lap.

“Wait, where do you think you're going?” He asked as he made it impossible for her to get away from him. Kagome just grunted and continued to push at his arms and chest. She didn't want to be in his lap, or anywhere near him, after that stunt he'd just pulled. Playing with her emotions like that…jackass.

“Look, I'm sorry; I just think you're pretty when you blush.” Kagome frowned and refused to meet his eyes. She knew he'd be looking are her warmly enough to make her melt and forget how mad at him she was, and she refused to fall for it.

“I hate you.” She stopped struggling, but she didn't make herself comfortable. She just sat stiffly in his lap or as stiffly as she could sit with her shoulder pressed against his chest and her legs splayed out over his left thigh. He reached up and light brushed his fingers through her raven tresses, trying to coax her into relaxing now that she'd stopped fighting against him.

“I know, you hate me just as much as I hate you.”

`I'm glad you liked it. I love you with my whole heart…Kikyou…'

“No, please Kami-sama, no.” Kagome whispered as the words of the dream came back to haunt her. His whole heart…that would mean there was no room for her at all….

“Kagome?” Inuyasha became worried when she started to tremble. He picked her up and carried her to her bed where he sat her down. He then knelt down in front of her so that they were eye level.

“Kagome please tell me.” He grasped her shaking fingers in his hands and tried to ignore the tremors in his own limbs.

“The dream, no the nightmare, it was differently a nightmare. It was in the past, and you were happy, and at first I was happy too, because I thought you were happy with me. I thought it was our son you were spinning around and teasing, I thought it was me carrying that baby in my womb; I thought it was me…that you loved…” She pulled away from his hands and hid her face in her upraised palms. Sob after sob threatened to overwhelm her but Kagome swallowed them all back down.

“Kagome?” Inuyasha's voice was hoarse with strain but she didn't look back up. It was best she not look at his face when she said this next part.

“But it wasn't me! It wasn't me in that field of flowers thinking up names for my baby! The child that looked so much like me wasn't mine…you…you weren't mine…Everything, everything belonged to her. To her. “Kagome ground out the last words passed a suddenly tight throat. She made the mistake of glancing up into Inuyasha's eyes and caught the expression of clear awe and wonder reflected in his eyes.

“I-I had a family?” He stood up and moved to stand in the middle of the room.

`I've always been alone, with no family, `sept for Sesshomaru but I really never counted him, but Kagome dreamed that I had a family? I had children and a wife…Wait, Kagome wasn't my mate?'

“Y-yes, you had a family…with…with…her.” Oh Kami-sama she couldn't say that name. If she spoke it out loud it would become true. Why did he have to look so pleased at the thought to having children with someone else? That phantom pain in her soul was back, throbbing to life to remind her that she wasn't whole, no matter how much his soul worked to fill in the gap. It was a continual reminder of a relationship and an old pain that she had no hope of overcoming.

“With who, Kagome?” Inuyasha had a good idea, but some perverse part of him needed to hear it out loud. He didn't miss the look of intense pain that flashed across her features and he felt his heart sink at his own callousness. He remembered the sounds of her gagging out the window as he was waking up, the sound of her choked sobs as he'd held her, the sound of her voice when she'd recited the dream. Suddenly a pain flared up inside of him that almost knocked him flat. It reminded him of the pain he'd felt when Kikyou had taken her away while he'd been fighting that centaur youkai. His eyes widened when he realized that somehow, even though he shouldn't have been able to feel her emotions as a normal human, this pain was hers. He was at her side again in less that a moment, but she just turned away from him.

“Don't make me say it, Inuyasha.” Her words tumbled out in a broken plea as she curled up into a ball on top of her bed, “If I say it out loud it will come true.” Another strangled sob pressed against the back of her throat and this time she didn't try to suppress it. Her frame was racked with such hard weeping that Inuyasha was truly afraid that she would shake apart. Her tears…he hated Kagome's tears. With a whimper that sounded more like a sob of his own, he lay down beside her and wrapped himself around her balled up form.

“I'm sorry, Kagome. It was just a dream. Just a nightmare. It's not going to come true. No one will take you from me, and if we choose to take our relationship that far, you will be the mother of my children. Not her…not Kikyou.” The fact that he didn't blush or stutter when saying those words bespoke just how worried he was about Kagome. She uncurled a fraction and her sobs lessened up in force. Kagome was completely tucked under half of Inuyasha's side, nestled to him like the petals of a just-blooming rose.

“But the dream was so real, and you looked so happy when I told you about having a family with her…” Her voice was hoarse and it sounded like her nose was clogged up now, but Inuyasha didn't care. He was just glad that she was calming down enough to talk.

“It wasn't having a family with her that I was happy about, Kagome, it was the thought to having one at all. I was alone for so many years…” He let his words drift off as he pressed a kiss behind her ear. He held her until her shuddering stopped and until the only reminder of her tears was the occasional sniffle.

“So you wouldn't be happier if she…if she had your children?” Kagome whispered as she allowed him to tuck her head in the hollow between his neck and shoulder.

“It's impossible now Kagome, you're the only one I can have that kind of relationship with.” What he really meant was that she was the only one he wanted to have that kind of relationship with, but of course things never quite came out the way Inuyasha meant them. Kagome didn't have the strength to tense up, but her mind seemed to freeze.

`You're just with me because you have no other choice? Will you look at me for the rest of your life and wonder `what if'?' Those were her last thoughts before she dropped off to sleep. Moments later the first rays of morning light poured through Kagome's bedroom window and Inuyasha felt the first effects of his change back into a hanyou. Too bad it was a little too late for him to realize just how unsure Kagome still was.

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“Ka-go-me, what in the fucking hell did you pack in this stupid yellow bag? Didn't we just bring back supplies the day before yesterday?” Inuyasha asked as he jerked up her ever-faithful backpack from its resting place at the bottom of the well. Kagome didn't bother to answer him, just raised up her hands so he could lift her out too. She'd been rather silent since she awoke this morning, but Inuyasha put it down to still being tired from the stress of yesterday.

He ignored her raised hands and instead hopped back down into the well with her. Kagome looked at him strangely but didn't question him when he wrapped his arms around her waist, but when he buried his nose into her hair she began to feel a little confused.

“Inuyasha?” She asked as she hesitantly reached out to wrap her arms loosely around his shoulders.

“I fucking hated not being able to feel you in my head, Kagome. It was like there was this giant hole ripped in my heart…” His lips moving to form words as they were pressed to the flesh of her neck gave her a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach, but she tried to ignore it. He didn't mean what his words implied. After all he was only with her because he had no other choice.

“Don't think stupid shit like that bitch, you'll ruin the moment like you always accuse me of.” His low growl vibrated against her throat because his face was still tucked tightly under her chin and Kagome felt her knees go a little weak. The fingers she'd been unknowingly running through his sliver strands tightened a bit and she fought the urge to tip her head back.

No, she couldn't let him do this to her…

“Do what to you?” Inuyasha smirked when he placed a slightly opened mouthed kiss to her pulse point and Kagome gasped in a sudden breath of air. He fought a losing battle with himself to pull away from her, after all, he'd only hugged her in the beginning to prove to himself that she was really here; that he was really feeling her again and it wasn't just a trick of his overactive imagination. But then she'd held him back, burying her fingers into his hair, and she smelled so…alive…

`She still thinks I'm only here because I have no other choice, even after all I've fucking done to prove that I care for her. I'm tired to talking about it. She never listens anyway, but maybe I can show her just how much I want…need to be by her side.' That was really all the justification he needed to convince himself to continue to place slightly wet kisses down the line of her neck. He found that he really liked the little sounds she was making in the back of her throat at his actions.

“Inuyasha, you have to stop that…” Her hands moved to his shoulders as if she was going to push him away, and Inuyasha paused for a moment to see if she really would. He would stop the moment she pushed him even a little bit, he promised himself, but until then he was going to continue to show her that she belonged with him.

“Inuyasha….” Kagome couldn't finish her sentence because she was distracted by his hands moving from her waist down to her hips where his thumbs began to dance around in lazy circles against her skin.

“I'll stop if you push me away Kagome…”He whispered into her ear before nuzzling into her neck again. Kagome's hands trembled as they tightened around handfuls of his haori but for the life of her she couldn't find the will to push him away. She wanted to just give into the feelings he was provoking inside of her but…

“Inuyasha, this is wrong.” She managed to get out before he could distract her again with his persuasive lips. Inuyasha stiffened a little and raised his head. His hands moved away from her hips and he stepped totally away from her, not far enough away to be out of her personally space, but enough so that she missed his warmth almost immediately. She made the mistake of looking up into his eyes and felt her stomach clench.

`He's mad at me!' She took a step back, but Inuyasha followed her until her back was pressed up against the side of the well. He didn't touch her save a hand to her chin to gently force her to meet his gaze again.

“I'm not mad Kagome, just fucking confused! What do I have to do to prove to you that I want to be with you! “He wasn't shouting, but she could feel his frustration radiating off him in waves. Kagome sadly shook her head placed a hand to his cheek.

“Inuyasha, you don't have to pretend to…like me…like this just because you have no other choice.” His eyes flew open in shock and he had to take a step back, but not so far back that her hand was dislodged from his face.

“WHAT?”

“OKAA-CHAN! Oh, there you are!” Inuyasha jerked around and Kagome's hand fell away. He growled at the kit who was peeking down at them from the edge of the well and swore underneath his breath to kill him.

“Shippou! Kagome and I were having a private conversation! Go the fuck away and come back later!” He yelled up at the nosey fox-child and fought down the desire to scream. Why did everything in his life have to be so fucking frustrating all the damn time?

“Hmm, I don't think she wants to have that conversation.” Shippou mused aloud as he peered down on the red-faced hanyou.

“What do you know about it?” Inuyasha sullenly demanded as he looked over at the dirt walls of the well to see if there were any loose stones large enough to hit Shippou with.

“Well, if she wanted to talk she would have stayed in the well with you instead of climbing out and walking toward the village.” Shippou pointed out before turning away from the well and bouncing off in the direction his mother had taken.

`3…2…1…'

“KAGOME!”

“He's so predictable.” Shippou mumbled to himself as he grasped Kagome's dangling hand. She looked down at him and forced a smile onto her trembling lips.

“Were you good while I was gone? Did you and Mame-chan get into any mischief that I should know about?” Her voice was a little shaky, and Shippou could tell that she was doing her best to ignore the yelling hanyou who was fast approaching them form behind. He carefully hopped up to her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her neck in a hug.

“You looked like you could use that, okaa-chan.” He whispered into her ear before giving her a peck on the cheek. Kagome's face almost crumbled, but she managed to keep the tears at bay. There had been too much crying on her part recently and she realized if she was going to survive the next hundred or so years sane she'd have to learn to stem their flow. Kagome patted the baby kitsune on the head in thanks and drew in a deep breath. She could feel Inuyasha getting closer to them even though his screaming had finally stopped. She had to be prepared to convince him that they didn't need to talk about what had happened in the well, or last night for that matter. No, it would be better for everyone if they just forgot about those potentially awkward situations when emotions and hormones got the better of them.

“Bitch! Stop running away from me!” She ignored him of course, even though she could feel him trying to slow her down through their link.

“Hey, don't talk to her like that, can't you see your making her sad?” Shippou yelled back at him, feeling the need to defend his adopted mother. Inuyasha just growled at him, telling him clearly without words that he needed to fuck off and mind his own damn business.

“If she'd just fucking stop for one minute and listen to me I could take care of that sad part!” He reached out to spin her around to face him but he underestimated just what lengths Kagome was willing to go to keep him from touching her. She dodged out of his reach and picked up the pace. Inuyasha smirked a little.

`She thinks she can out maneuver me? Maybe she hit her damn head while I wasn't looking.'

Just as he was about to reach for her again, he realized why she'd sped up. In front of them, all pack up and ready to move out for a shard-hunt, was the monk and the exterminator. Too late Inuyasha caught on to Kagome's plan to use Sango's presence as a shield between them. There was no way he could get near her when Sango was looking at him like that and holding Hiraikotsu poised to strike if he even thought about approaching. Inuyasha settled for glaring in Kagome's direction and letting her know just how displeased he was through their link. It was times like these that he wished the whole hearing thoughts thing worked both ways, that way she would have to listen to him whether she wanted to or not!

“What all this for, were you going to go off shard hunting without us?” Inuyasha settled on focusing his frustration on a problem he could solve instead of the ones he had with Kagome at the moment. Miroku calmly adjusted his hold on his monk's staff before answering. To others, not as familiar with the mannerisms of this small group, the movement would have looked harmless, even serene. Inuyasha, who had spent a great deal of time watching over, and out for, his small `pack', saw it for the nervous gesture that it was though.

“We did hear a rumor about a shard not far from here, and since we weren't sure when you and Kagome-sama would be back we decided to take care of it.” That all sounded harmless enough. In fact lately, while Naraku had been silent, they'd often broken into groups of two if more than one shard-rumor came at once. But Inuyasha could sense that this was different.

There it was again, that nervous shift in the monk's weight from one foot to the other. The way he cut his eyes over toward Sango to see if she would contradict what he was saying. The way Shippou circle up in Kagome's arms and tried to look innocent while twisting strands of her hair together and apart over and over again. It was in the strangely tense atmosphere that hung over them like a thunderstorm caught on the peak of the mountain. All three of them knew something he didn't, and it was more than just the location of the next shard hunt.

“Okay, who wants to tell me the real reason your all in such a hurry to leave us behind?” He had to hand it to the monk; he never even flinched at being found out. No, it was his coconspirators that gave him away. Sango jerked a little, and her shoulders sagged ever-so-slightly while Shippou visibly deflated. Kagome glanced at him with worried eyes and left Sango's side to come stand beside him facing their friends. She seemed to have forgotten that the reason she'd been over there in the first place was because she'd been running from him, but he wasn't complaining. It'd be easier to catch her after this was over if she was within arms reach.

“What's going on? Has something happened? Did Sesshomaru come back after we left? Or did…Kouga…cause trouble for the village?” Up until that moment, Inuyasha had forgotten all about the visit the wolf-prince had paid them a few days ago. He turned narrowed eyes onto Miroku, daring him to try and lie his way out of this corner.

“No, Kagome-chan nothing like that! It's just a shard rumor. We thought you would be too tired to go on this one considering all you've been through this past month, but we knew that Inuyasha would never willingly be left behind. So we thought if we left before you got here…” It was Sango who spoke up this time, and her steady voice and gentle smile almost convinced him that her words were the truth. Except for the fact that she was white-knuckling the strap that kept Hiraikotsu firmly in place on her back. Still her version was closer to the truth than Miroku's had been.

“Oh, well, that was nice of you all, but really I'm fine. It's not like I do much on these hunts anyway besides sense the shikon shards and shoot a few arrows.” She waved off their concern easily, but Inuyasha could feel her bitterness. Without taking his eyes off the lying couple he placed his hand on Kagome's waist and pulled her a little closer. His fingers found a few of the strands of her hair that hung down low and he played with their ends. He hated it when she acted like she wasn't needed, although he knew that a lot of the blame for her feeling that way rested on him. For a minute he thought she was going to ignore his touch, but then she leaned back into his palm slightly. Good, that meant she wasn't still mad at him, now onto the next idem business.

“If that was all then we can just go with you now. Kagome has enough shit packed in this bag that she shouldn't need to go to Baba's hut.” He looked down at her to see if she needed to go, but Kagome shook her head signaling that she was fine with leaving now. “So tell me where the hell this shard's supposed to be!”

Miroku's gaze flickered to Sango's for a brief meaningful second before Sango frowned and took a step back. She refused to look at Inuyasha again as Miroku sighed in defeat. Inuyasha couldn't help the smirk that peeked out of the corners of his mouth momentarily at having won his battle of wills with the couple.

“Inuyasha…,” Miroku tried one more time to get him to leave it alone, but the hanyou just growled low in his throat, “There have been other rumors besides the shards---“

“What? Is Naraku finally back!?!” Surly they wouldn't keep something like that from him!

“No…nothing like that. With the rumors of the boar youkai that's been destroying villages to the east of here, have come tales of a miko who feeds of the souls of dead maidens. They say she looks grunt and sickly and has made her presence very obvious to the population…She says she…waiting on someone…” Sango looked away from the pain she could see in Kagome's face when she recited the rumor. Inside she cursed herself for not getting the packs loaded onto Kirara's back sooner. If only they'd left the village a few minutes earlier!

“Kikyou.” Kagome whispered to herself, her fingers unconsciously moving up her neck to where Inuyasha had been kissing her not an hour ago in the well. The dream she'd had the night before came back to haunt her and she felt bitterness raise up in her throat.

`It's cruel. Fate is so very cruel.'

“Maybe you're right about Kagome being too tired to make this trip.” Inuyasha tightened his grip around her waist and pulled her a little closer to his side. He wasn't ready to face his old love right now, not when his feelings for the girl next to him, his mate, where so mixed up.

“No, we should go.” She had her eyes closed when she said this, and Inuyasha had the sinking feeling that she was trying to hide her emotions from him.

“Kagome?” He turned her so that she was facing him, instead of standing by his side. He wanted to be able to see straight into her eyes so as not to miss even the tiniest glimmers of emotion.

“You can't run away from this forever Inuyasha. Sooner or later you'll have to see her again and decide what you want. But if you wait too long it might be too late.” Her words were gentle but she still refused to open her eyes. He searched desperately inside himself for a clue to what was going on inside her head, but all he could feel was a strange muted sadness. He thought about her words in the well this morning and wondered if all of this was somehow connected.

“Keh, okay, we'll go, but don't think I've forgotten about this morning. We're still going to have that talk and this is not going to turn into a repeat of the last time something was bothering you and you refused to tell me what it was. I plan on making you talk even if I have to hold you down. None of that trying to un-tie us or just sleeping for days shit this time Kagome.” He whispered this in her ear and had to refrain from lightly nipping her earlobe to prove his point. Kagome shivered as if she was cold and nodded her head. Inuyasha grunted in satisfaction before turning around to address the rest of the group.

“If we're going to make it to a decent camping spot before night-fall we'd better get moving.” He scooped Kagome up and settled her onto his back before anyone could respond and headed east.

Toward what, he didn't really know, but if it would prove to Kagome that he was ready to try and move on, then he'd go anywhere and do anything.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“OUCH!” Kagome quickly stuck her finger into her mouth before it could start bleeding. She glared down at the needle that was lying ever-so-innocently where she'd thrown it after it'd pricked her. She pulled the injured digit from her mouth with a sigh and went back to mending the rip on Shippou's pants. Sometimes she wished that his clothing would fix itself like Inuyasha's fire-rat fir did, then she wouldn't have to fight with that cursed needle to much.

“Are you okay, Kagome-chan?” Sango asked from a few feet away where she was wading around in the water looking for edible plant-life to go with tonight's dinner. Kagome looked up with a smile to reassure her older friend, but otherwise didn't say anything. She had felt uneasy all day, and with the coming of nightfall it was only getting worse.

`Who would blame me for feeling uneasy? This was supposed to be a quick trip.'

They had been on the road for three days, Miroku's `close' shard rumor turning out to be a little bit farther to the east than he'd let on. With each passing day that they didn't stubble upon signs of the shard packing youkai, or Kikyou, the tension between Kagome's shoulders grew tighter and tighter. Since that stunt he'd pulled in the well, Inuyasha had kept his distance from her, or as much distance as he could keep these days, only touching her when she rode on his back while traveling and only talking to her when it was necessary. Kagome wasn't sure if she was happy about this new silence between them or not. Her dream, and his words, coupled with the impending meeting with Kikyou, had her worried about what was going through his mind. But she dared not ask, because she was afraid that he would force her to talk about what had happened in the well, and why she'd responded like she had.

The sound of splashing and laughter caught Kagome's attention just as she finished sewing the last stitch into Shippou's pants. She smiled as she looked toward the bend in the stream where her adopted son, his pet squirrel, and Kirara played in the water.

“Shippou-chan, I've finished fixing that rip! You need to start getting out of the water in about fifteen minutes so you can help me find some firewood!” She called as she began to repack her sewing supplies. Sango had left sometime while she'd been brooding and Kagome wondered absently how many plants she'd been able to find.

“Ah, can't Inuyasha find the wood? Mame-chan and me want t o play a little longer!” He yelled while holding up the half-drowned squirrel to show her just how `enthusiastic' the poor thing was to stay in the water. The squirrel's eyes pleaded with her to save him from a certain watery death and Kagome took pity on the soggy animal.

“No, you've been in there long enough to get clean! If you stay in any longer you'll turn into a fish-youkai!” She teased while pulling out a fluffy towel from her bath bag for him to dry off with. A movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention and she felt her blood run cold. One of Kikyou's soul-snatchers. Even though her blood froze, Kagome found that she wasn't surprised to see the creature weaving through the trees at the edge of forest; somehow she'd known that today would be the day they met up with Kikyou. Kirara's head came up and her silted eyes focused on the soul-gatherer before she glanced over at Kagome. The young miko shook her head slightly then motioned back toward camp. The fire-cat didn't look happy about being told to go back to camp, but she would do as she was told. Kagome hoped Kirara knew that she only sent her away because she needed someone to watch out for Shippou and not because she didn't trust the youkai-cat.

“Shippou-chan, I think I just saw a rare herb that Kaede's been looking for at the edge of the forest over there, I want to go gather some of it. I need you to go back to camp with Kirara so that the others will know where I am and not worry if I'm a little late.” She told him, hoping that he hadn't noticed the snake-like creature fluttering at the tree line. He obviously hadn't because he did as she bid him without arguing.

“Okay, okaa-chan! I'll be sure to save you some of the fish Miroku and Inuyasha caught for dinner!” Her child smiled brightly at her and waved as he ran off toward the camp, fluffy cotton towel tied around his shoulders like a cape, pet squirrel clinging to him for dear life, and Kirara following reluctantly behind.

“Okay, take me to your mistress.” Kagome spoke as soon as Shippou was out of hearing distance. She walked toward the edge of the forest as the soul-snatcher uncurled from the tree and began to twist deeper into the tree line.

`Inuyasha, please forgive me.'

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

`”You don't have to pretend to like me,” she says. “You can't run away forever.” Keh, I'm not running away!

Sure you are that's why you haven't talked to her in three days.

No, the reason I haven't said anything is cause she never listens to ANYTHING I say! Damn girl says I never listen…Why did I have to get tied to such a confusing bitch anyway? I'd have been better off…

So says the person who watches her sleep for hours every night because you like the way the dying firelight reflects in her hair. Face it, you haven't talked to her for three days because your afraid that she---`

“Keh!” Inuyasha shook his head to clear that annoying little voice out. It bothered him that his inner voice sounded so much like Miroku. Without much thought he reached over toward the fire and turned some of the roasting fish over. Normally he didn't cook…but since he needed to stay near Kagome, but some how avoid her like the plague…Miroku was out scouting ahead to see if he could find any evidence of their query and Sango and Kagome were bathing and doing whatever else girls did….That left him alone to mind the fire and food.

Surprisingly he really didn't mind cooking, but he would never, not even upon pain of death, admit that out loud. His thoughts turned back inward and he barely acknowledged Sango when she came back into camp smelling like Kagome's soap and vegetables.

`Something about this whole trip makes me uneasy. It's like a dark cloud's hanging over us at all times. I don't like that we've never even stumbled upon hints that there's a rampaging youkai boar in this area. And I would have at least smelled him. Those bastards are notorious for smelling worse than a week old battle field. I wonder who gave the monk his information. Fuck, I've been so distracted by Kagome lately that I didn't even think to ask. This could be some kind of trap!' But he sensed nothing more than minor youkai in the area. There were a few humans scattered about that he could faintly smell, but none that would give a damn about them. This whole situation felt like a trap, but…

`Maybe I'm just paranoid. Miroku, surly he knew what he was doing when he chose to follow this rumor. Of course that still leaves the other rumor…

Kikyou.

Why did she always seem to have the worst possible timing? Maybe she and Kagome did share more than a passing likeness of face…

You know they do, they both love you.'

“Did she really love me, or just the idea of me?” He asked aloud. Sango was to busy cleaning the plants she'd pulled from the stream and the forest floor to hear his softly spoken words. Inuyasha stared pensively into the fire and turned the fish again.

Yes, he believed that Kikyou had loved him once. Had loved him enough to give up her duty, but…she hadn't trusted him.

But as Kagome said, how could she? She'd been raised to see all youkai, half or other wise as evil…and he had tried to steal the jewel once…

`But you tried the same thing with Kagome too, and yet she still trusts you with her life. And even more than just that now, you own a part of her soul.' That tiny voice in his head whispered, making Inuyasha wish fervently that he could reach inside his head and give the fucking thing a good thrashing.

It always came down to one eternal question: Kagome or Kikyou. He'd thought that question had been answered for him when all this blessed shit had happened with Kagome. But he'd been wrong.

They couldn't battle for his soul anymore, so the battled for his heart.

`I lo…I care for Kagome…

Don't lie to yourself. You've loved for a long time; you just couldn't seem to get up the courage to do anything about it. Now you have the right to do something about it, yet some how you still make a mess of things.

I tried to show her that I cared! I tried telling her, and I tried showing her…nothing works! She made up her mind…I don't know what else to do…

Maybe you should try a combination of both—`

`Inuyasha, please forgive me.'

Inuyasha's head shot up, all internal arguments with himself forgotten as her thoughts vibrated through his head. He stood up from where he'd been bent over the roasting fish and sniffed the air as her emotions came pouring into him like a flood. Well, really they'd always been there under the surface of his mind, boiling and rolling like a volatile tide, but he'd been so caught up with figuring out his problem that he'd ignored the unrest. He stiffened, his hand automatically flying to Tetsusaiga.

“Kagome…” Why was she feeling so sad and resigned? Why couldn't he fucking feel what was going on with her? She was in his head, yes, but she felt so...closed off…

“Did you say something, Inuyasha?” Sango asked as she momentarily stopped chopping vegetables for the stew that was bubbling next to his fish over the fire.

“Kagome was at the spring when you left, right?” He felt the sharp tug on his chest he'd come associate with being out of range from Kagome and he felt panic raise up in his chest. She was being taken away from him again! He probed for her mind again, this time harder than he'd ever pushed before, but she was like an elusive presence that slipped from his grip like water draining out a holey bucket.

`Fuck! I smell grave soil on the wind. Kikyou is close by. Kagome where are you going?'

“Something's wrong. I have to find Kagome, but I don't want any of you coming after us unless we aren't back by dawn tomorrow. It's time that Kagome and I finally settled some things.

“BUT! INU…yasha….” Sango tried to call him back, but the inu hanyou was already long gone. Just then Kirara and Shippou came running into the clearing.

“Sango-chan I think something bad's about to happen! I can smell dirt and ashes! That means---“

“Kikyou. I saw one of her soul catcher on my way back. I also saw Inuyasha go flying out of here, so I assume that he knows she is here too?” Miroku joined them and sat down calmly by the fire. His apparent peacefulness with the chaos going on around him should have been funny if anyone there had been inclined to laugh. The way he just sat down and started tending to the fish Inuyasha had left behind made everyone else pause in their mad scramble for weapons.

“Houshi-sama! Aren't we going to help Inuyasha and Kagome-chan?” Sango asked looking over at him from where she stood; ready to mount a fully transformed Kirara.

“No, this is something those two must take care of themselves of they ever hope to find happiness together in the long years to come.” That his words they all put their weapons down and settled beside the fire to silently eat the meal that suddenly seemed like too much food because they were missing two of their number. But they didn't relax. How could they when they all knew that if was a real possibility that they could lose people they loved tonight forever?

 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

 

The forest was as still as the grave. The thick foliage kept all but a trickle of sunlight out, and what little illumination that did enter fell in muted, dappled patterns upon the ground. Not even a whisper of wind stirred through the trees and there was an abnormal silence shrouding the place more fitted for a Shrine to the dead than a healthy forest. Kagome followed in the translucent wake of the soul-snatcher and tried to keep her racing heart and breathing under control. She knew enough about her miko powers to know that for her own protection she had to stay calm even though all she wanted to do right now was to run as fast as her feet could carry her in the opposite direction. She felt the familiar, odd, wrenching feeling in her chest that told her she was traveling too far from Inuyasha, but in was different somehow. It was like a new level of discomfort had been added to the experience. Kagome absently placed her hand above her heart in a futile effort to soothe the pain away.

It was as if she was a rope being tugged at by both ends.

She couldn't explain what she was feeling. But something was pulling her forward just as surely as Inuyasha was trying to pull her back. Oh, yes, she could feel him in her mind, tweaking at her senses, trying to make her stop, or at least slow down so he could find her. But she didn't want to stop and she didn't want him involved with this. It was something that had to be between her and her incarnation.

Something between two women who loved the same man.

So she kept following the graceful creature and worked to cover her scent as she had the last time she'd tried to get away from Inuyasha. He would be frantic at not being able to track her, but she didn't let herself dwell on that thought. She couldn't let the thought of his distress deter her if she was going to be strong and get through this alone.

“Your mistress is close by isn't she? We have to do this quickly before Inuyasha becomes desperate enough to start ripping the forest apart.

“I agree with you.” Kagome jerked her head to the side and caught sight of her predecessor gliding toward her from one of the forest side-paths. The soul-stealer did a happy twirl through the air and left Kagome's side to join its brothers clustered around the undead miko. Kikyou reached out a frail hand and caressed its pale flesh as a welcome back. Kagome could barely recognize the change that had overtaken the undead miko. She was deathly pale, with sunken in eyes ringed with dark smudges that stood out like ink blots on pristine parchment. Her limbs looked like trembling sticks in a maelstrom. Kagome felt another painful tug at her soul, and this time she knew instinctively that it wasn't Inuyasha's soul that was calling her.

It was her own.

Kikyou smiled, more a mirthless grimace than a true show of friendship and clutched at her own heart. The youkai around her moved restlessly, like small children who had spent too many days inside because to the rain.

“Do you see what I've become because of you?” At least her voice as still strong, although it cracked and sounded like it was coming from an over dry throat, “The pain you feel now is the part of our soul that I have wanting you to accept it back. There is pain because you do not have a place for it anymore.”

“I…we…have cause this to happen to you?” Kagome tired in vain to keep her voice steady. She'd never expected to see Kikyou looking anything but ethereal, and now the woman looked skeletal and…ready to die. In the back of her mind she felt Inuyasha respond to her shock with a blast of frantic emotion and she finally relaxed her hold on the spell that was keeping him from scenting her out. It would take him a moment to pick it up, but it should calm his nerves enough to keep him from leveling the trees.

“What did you expect? I told you your bond would destroy me. Did you expect me to just melt away like clay in water? No, my body is human enough even if it's origins are not. But I do not have much time left. Inuyasha must make his choice soon or it will be too late for me.” As she finished Kikyou as racked by a fit of coughing that sent her youkai helpers into a frenzy.

“There isn't anything we can do for you. I tried to un-tie my soul from Inuyasha's but all that did was almost kill us. I…I wish for his sake…and yours that this could be undone…but there is no way.” Kagome turned her back on the miko and put a few more feet between them. The pressure in her chest eased up marginally and she sighed in relief.

“You are more foolish than I thought. Of course there is a way to undo this travesty. You have your sight back now, that is all that was holding him last we met. It should be a relatively easy thing to do.” Kagome felt anger slowly begin to kindle in the pit of her stomach at Kikyou's words and amused tone, but she carefully hid it from her eyes. Inuyasha was coming upon their right fast, and she braced herself for the yelling and the cursing that would accompany him.

“How do you plan to unbind us?” She asked as she listened for the sounds only frantic, pissed off hanyous tearing through forests make.

“That's not gonna happen! Ever!” Inuyasha apparently had heard her words as he came careening out of the trees to stand heaving within a few feet from either woman. Kagome noticed the white knuckle grip he had on the Tetsusaiga and the fading scarlet color in his eyes and she felt a sharp stab of fear and guilt. Inuyasha had been close to transforming because of her. His relief at seeing her looking whole and unharmed washed over her and Kagome had to struggle to not choke on the immediate wave of guilt that followed. She'd caused him pain again.

“Kagome, are you all right?” He looked ready to rush to her side, but something held him in place between the two women.

“I'm fine, Inuyasha. Kikyou only wanted to talk.” Kagome knew exactly when he noticed Kikyou's haggard appearance because a sharp knife of grief, shock and emotional pain stabbed into her head with enough force to knock the breath from her lungs. Inuyasha made a move toward his old love, but Kagome's binding over in pain stopped him. He didn't know which one to go to, didn't know what to do. It felt as if his heart was being torn apart by its very seams. He'd thought he was passed this.

“Does my appearance shock you? It shocked my copy.”

“Kikyou, what---“

“I told her this would happen Inuyasha! And I told you that the day was coming when you would have to choose between us! I have but a few weeks left on this plane, are you going to let me die for a second time? This little girl does not belong in this time! The powers that be only brought her here because I could not fulfill the role fate had given me! She was never supposed to be a part of this. It should be us hunting down Naraku, together, as we were before he led us to betrayal. Naraku has never taken anything precious from her, how could she even hope to understand the pain he has caused us?” Kikyou moved closer to Inuyasha and reached out her hand to him. His face was awash with old memories and scars that Kagome could never hope to understand. She waited in vain for Inuyasha to defend her to Kikyou in some way. To defend her right to be here with him, but he never spoke up, just stared at the offered hand with unreadable eyes. She felt a bit of her newly grown hope that Inuyasha would ever be hers start to wither.

“In the beginning I might not have understood anything about Naraku but his evilness. But now, don't think you are the only one whose ever been dealt pain from his hand! I have watched my friends suffer! I have watched those I love most in the world almost die because of him! I have just as much at stake in seeing him defeated as you do! I might not be from this time, but do you think a dead miko has anymore of a place in this world?” Kagome was so angry by the end of her speech that her vision was blurring. She could feel the unfamiliar internal throbbing that only accrued when her miko energy was ready to burst forth and she instinctively knew that if she didn't get and handle on herself she'd purify everything within a one mile radius, Inuyasha included.

“You don't understand what you are talking about, even though you think you do.” Kikyou looked at her with a dispassionate gaze that normally made Kagome shiver, but today made her anger boil up even farther until it almost suffocated her. She could feel Inuyasha making a feeble attempt to soothe her, but he wasn't doing much. She clamped down tightly on her energy just as her hands began to glow pink and focused on remaining calm. When she opened her eyes again Kikyou was smirking at her.

“I see you've gained a little control over your powers. I hadn't expected you to ever master even this much.” She didn't wait for Kagome's response before she turned to Inuyasha, ignoring the younger miko totally.

“You made a promise to me, or don't you remember? You said that your life was mine, but then you gave your soul to this child. I want to live to see Naraku pay for all the things he'd done to us! How can I do that if you let me crumble away?” For the first time Kagome heard Kikyou's voice stripped bare and full of raw emotion. The undead miko was desperate to live. Almost as mush as Kagome was desperate for Inuyasha's unconditional love. The irony of the situation wasn't lost of Kagome; she guessed the philosophers were right when they said that the biggest obstacle to one's true happiness is oneself.

A sudden fit of racking coughs from Kikyou brought Kagome out of her thoughts. She was sure the other woman would have coughed up blood if it had been possible for her to. Kagome saw Inuyasha jerk with each of the thick, rough, wet noises, felt his desire to run to his old love's side so keenly she could taste it, and she knew that her presence was the only thing holding him back. Once again she had become the intruder. Maybe she really didn't belong in this world. Something inside of her that had been holding out since the very first time she'd seen them together became utterly fragile in that moment. It was like the fine cracks that spider-webbed through grass right before it shattered into a million unrecognizable pieces. Kagome tried valiantly to keep that place inside of her from fracturing…

Inuyasha took a step toward the still coughing Kikyou.

Kagome broke.

No, it wasn't like the rupturing of a dam where all the water rushes out. It wasn't even like a rip in cloth, or the shattering of a mirror. The feeling was more like that of a broken bone, minus the pain. Something, the last of her hope or maybe faith, snapped, and now she was just curiously numb. The only thing she could feel was Inuyasha's torrent of emotions pounding into her skull, and she locked them away and sealed them out of her mind. She blocked out everything until her mind was silent, until she was alone with her thoughts.

“Inuyasha, you should do to her, she needs you.” Kagome said when she noticed that he still hadn't made it all the way over to the barely standing woman. He looked as if he was frozen in mid-step and he was clutching at his heart as if he was in pain. Kagome wondered absently if something inside of him had snapped too.

“Kikyou, just how do you plan to unbind us? We've met half the requirements for inu-youkai mating and were under the impression that it is an impossible thing to undo.” Kagome addressed the other miko with no expression, eyes clear and focused, but blank. Kikyou noted this but was too weak to comment.

“Normally yes, but we share something most do not. All that I need to stay in this plane of existence is a fragment of a soul to tie me to the living world through another person. I had that in you until Inuyasha's soul filled in the gap. Now you are tied to him and I am…fading away….But if I gave you back the piece of your soul that I took when I first came back into being, and you let go of the part of your soul that is tied to Inuyasha…”She left her sentence dangling with a small hand gesture. Her reincarnation was smart enough to figure out the rest.

“Then you would be the one bound to Inuyasha, made more alive than you are now because his soul's strength, and I would no longer be needed.” Kagome spared Inuyasha a glance up he appeared to be lost in his own inner battle over what to do.

“Yes.” Kikyou's one word reply was only a whisper, but it echoed out into the forest like the sound of a final death blow. Images from the dream Kagome'd had the last night they'd been in her time haunted her.

`I'm glad you liked it. I love you with my whole heart…Kikyou…''

Then the scene that followed…

`I-I had a family?

“So you wouldn't be happier if she…if she had your children?” Kagome whispered as she allowed him to tuck her head in the hollow between his neck and shoulder.

“It's impossible now Kagome, you're the only one I can have that kind of relationship with.”'

 

Kagome let the memories fade to the back of her mind so that they too could be locked away with Inuyasha's presence.

 

`I will not force him to choose. I should have known that was no ordinary dream. I should have known that I could never really belong here. I refuse to be her replacement any longer.'

 

“Whatever you have to do, do it quickly.” She growled out. `Yes, quickly before I change my mind…'

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

 

Inuyasha felt like he was swimming up through a dense fog. It swirled around him like a vulture awaiting for it's prey to finally give up the fight for life. He fought to come out of the confusion he was buried under but it was the worst struggle of his life.

 

`Kagome, where is Kagome?' He felt around to her but couldn't find her away where.

 

`Where am I?

 

What am I doing here?

 

I can't remember…' He could feel that he wasn't dreaming, but knew that he wasn't asleep. Voice echoing outside tickled his ears but he couldn't seem to focus on them no matter how hard he tried.

 

“Kikyou, just how do you plan to unbind us...”

 

That was Kagome's voice. It was coming back to him slowly now. He'd been standing between the two mikos, torn over which one to go to, the one who was obviously dying before his eyes, or the one that was in so much confusion that he felt it like a physical pain in his bones, when he'd felt something inside of him self go slack.

 

Kagome had disappeared from his mind. He could no longer feel her, only a gaping emptiness that sent his soul reeling into the greyness.

 

“…gave you back the piece of your soul that I took when I first came back into being, and you let go of the part of your soul that is tied to Inuyasha…” He recognized Kikyou's voice too although it was hoarse and cracking from her coughing fit. As the meaning of her words sunk in Inuyasha rebelled more strongly against the clutches of the fog. No, Kagome would never let Kikyou do such a thing! She would never willing unbind herself from him. He cast about franticly for any bit of her in his mind that he could find.

 

“What ever you have to do, do it quickly.”

 

He found what he was looking for. Weakly gleaming in the far corner of his mind, dimmed by the fog, was the red cord that tied him to Kagome. He desperately reached for it and held it tightly to him, hoping against hope that it was enough to keep Kagome with him, but knowing instinctively that it was not.

 

“NO! Fuck, just stop! Don't either of you even think about transferring pieces of soul!” He managed to scream out as he fought back to the surface of his mind and out of the clinging fog. He noticed how close the two mikos were standing, how their finger tips were almost touching, and he made a wild leap to come between them. They looked at him with mirrored facial expressions, but different eyes. Kikyou's were desperate. Kagome's were resigned.

 

“Inuyasha?” Her voice was stripped of everything that made her Kagome, and the last of the fogginess that had clung to his brain was shaken off. He felt the slow anger build up within him when he realized exactly what she was trying to do. He growled low in his throat.

 

She was trying to unbind their souls again.

 

She was blocking him out of her head.

 

He felt the scarlet begin to bleed into his eyes and he grabbed for his sword again. He wouldn't let her do this. Ever.

 

“Why?” He looked at her with eyes mixed with red and amber, eyes that screamed anger and cried betrayal, “What are you doing this? You promised you'd never try and leave me again.” He was facing her with Kikyou at his back, standing close enough feel her breath fanning out across his chest, but not close enough to touch her. Kagome looked up and met his gaze, but regretted it when she felt the walls she'd built so hastily between them crack. She looked away and tried to explain it to him.

 

“This is for your own good Inuyasha. Kikyou is your true soul-mate. That is what that dream was trying to tell me. You're only with me because you had no other choice, but now she's offering a way for you to be free from me.” Here she stopped to choke out a bitter laugh, that might have been sob before continuing, “Isn't my being weaker than her what started all this? I couldn't master even the weakest of miko spells and you teased me? Now you can have the real thing, and because…because of the kind of bond you'd have with her, she'd be…more alive…not quite human, but alive…I don't…I don't think she'd have to steal the souls of young girls anymore…You could be happy with her.”

 

“Inuyasha you must make your choice now. Her or me?” Kikyou moved around so that she was standing next to Kagome, shoulder to shoulder, but her breath was too shallow for him to feel. He looked at both women, so much alike, but eternally different. Who did he want to send the rest of his moral life and beyond with?

 

`Kagome…'

 

But was he prepared to be instrumental in Kikyou's death again? Could he go on living happily knowing that his joy was built upon her destruction? But on the flip side, did he want to trust her to protect part of his immortal soul? Kikyou had tired to kill him numerous times since she'd been resurrected while Kagome had done everything within her power to save his life. Kagome had cried for him. Kikyou had always had her own things to shed tears over. Kagome loved him. Kikyou felt hatred for him. Kagome trusted him. Kagome wanted him for more than just vengeance.

 

Kagome was also trying her hardest to get away from him.

 

The growling was back, only this time it wasn't low in this throat. It all came down to that eternal question. Kikyou or Kagome, Inuyasha?

 

`If only I could safe them both…'

 

“Damn! Don't make me choose! I've promised to protect you both! I don't fucking know what to do! Do I forfeit my claim on the only person who's ever loved me for me and tie myself to a woman who wants to drag my soul into the abyss? Do you know what you're both asking me to do? I CAN'T DO THIS!” He turned his back on both of them, unable to look at them anymore. His stomach churned and he wondered if he was going to throw up.

 

“You can't have both of us, Inuyasha. I only have a few weeks left, but I will give you a little more time, if that's what you need.” With a weak wave of her hand Kikyou called her youkai to her self and disappeared into the sky. Silence reined in the small clearing for a moment then Inuyasha swung around and peered at Kagome with a piercing glare.

 

“What the hell were you thinking, bitch! She could have killed you, or worse stolen all of your soul! I can't believe---“

 

“I was doing it for you! Everything I do is always for you! Can't you see that I was only trying to make you happy!” Kagome was feeling the return of her emotions now, anger being the chief.

 

“BY UNBINDING US?!?” He roared. “You're my mate! How was that supposed to make me happy?!?” He advanced on her, and she backed up as he came. She'd never seen quite that look in his eye.

 

“I didn't see you arguing with it while we were talking about it! You just sat there as she started the spell and never said one word! What was I supposed to think? You basically agreed with her that I didn't belong here.” She stopped once her back was resting against a large tree. She didn't have to worry about him coming any closer because her words had stopped him in his tracks.

 

“Is that what you think? That I didn't say anything because I wanted to be with her? After everything I've done and said to you these last few weeks, you still think I care for her more than I care for you?” He was no longer shouting, but his voice had dropped down into that low tone that was more animal than human he only used when he was beyond pissed. She pushed away from the tree and continued to back up, and he followed, stalking her now.

 

“Don't you? Have you forgotten that I can also feel your emotions through our bond? I know you wanted to go to her, and that I was the only thing that was holding you back.” Kagome tripped slightly over an exposed root but didn't fall. When she looked back up, Inuyasha was much closer than he should have been.

 

“Do you want to know why I didn't say anything while you and Kikyou were talking?” He asked ignoring that she'd even spoken, “When you locked me out of your head it hurt so much that the backlash almost had me lost in my own mind. It felt like those first few moments after I was sealed to that fucking tree! I still can't feel you!”

 

“I couldn't stand it any more! I couldn't stand knowing how much you still loved her! You only stay with me because you have to and I hate it! If you can't love me because I'm me I don't want…I can't…I can't just live like that anymore!” There it was out. He would come to his senses and go chasing after Kikyou now. Kagome actually stopped backing up in anticipation of him leaving her. She was shocked when he kept coming closer. Kagome stumbled backward and almost fell this time but caught herself on a tree that she then leaned back onto for support. Why was she still here?

 

“Why do you keep saying that? What's makes you think that I don't want to be with you? Fucking hell, bitch! I've tried everything I know to prove to you that I'm happy with this! What more do you need!” He was close enough to touch her now, but he didn't. His body was too tense to do anything but stand there and look down at her.

 

“I keep saying it Inuyasha because it's the truth. You told me that having a family with Kikyou was impossible for you because of me! Do you think I want to be stuck in a relationship that could possibly last the next millennia with someone who can't love me? I want someone who sees Kagome when they look at me, not their dead lover!” She was still seething, her slipping control over her powers making it's self known again. Part of her wanted to just let go of the power raging inside. All her problems would just disappear if she did that but then history would be repeating itself. She'd be killing Inuyasha just like Kikyou had with that sealing arrow.

 

“Your Mine” He growled out through clenched teeth. The very thought of her with someone else made him want to rip everything in his path apart. His youkai side was screaming at him to make her take her words back, and for once his human side was angry enough to agree.

 

“Are we back to that “Your Mine” crap again? That's all you ever say to me, like it's the end all to every argument! I can't even talk about trying to love someone else without you growling that out. Yet whenever Kikyou drifts by you go chasing after her! And I'm not aloud to say anything because, hey you two have a past and no ones aloud to touch that sacred cow! I want to know when you become mine! When am I aloud to fight for you? When am I allowed to stop feeling like an intruder, an outsider? If I belong to you then you should belong to me! Or Maybe it would please you more it I were dead! If I were dead and some witch desiring power brought me back, would you love me then?” She screamed out. “ Would you love me, finally belong to be if I was only walking ash and clay like her?” Before she could catch her breath to yell again Inuyasha slammed his hands into the bark above her head. The loud sound of flesh hitting stone made her mouth click shut in an automatic response. He pressed his face close to hers and Kagome was finally forced to meet his beyond angry golden gaze.

 

“If I ever hear such bull shit come out of your mouth again I'll…” His voice was harsh in her ears. Everything in her told her to look away, to forget why they were fighting in the first place, but she couldn't let this go. Couldn't allow herself to just forgive and forget this time.

 

“You'll what, Inuyasha? You can't stop me from speaking the truth!” Her eyes held nothing but defiance and determination, but inside she was a mess. They were so close now that she couldn't help but breathe in some of his used oxygen with every breath.

 

“I can stop you from talking bitch! And if you don't think I will, just try me. I know what your trying to do, you're so scared that I'm going to up and leave you that your trying to make it impossible for me to stay! This isn't about Kikyou dying, or the dream you had the other night. This isn't even about how you think I feel. This is about you being to afraid to fucking accept that I love you!” She couldn't breath. No, he couldn't mean that. There was no way that he loved her. She'd felt what he felt for Kikyou. Saw the pain in his eyes….The wall that she'd built to keep him out started to crumble and the first trickles of his emotions started seeping into his mind.

 

`No, no no no no! What am I supposed to do?'

 

“You can't mean that---“

 

“To hell with this.” He swore with a low growl before pressing his lips to hers in a bruising kiss. His eyes burned into hers the whole time, not letting her look away. She gasp when one of his hands found it's way to her waist. Inuyasha used her surprise to deepen the kiss. He was desperate to prove to them both how untrue her words were. To prove that he loved her like he said he did. To prove that she was the one he wanted by his side for all time. He felt the dam she'd put up between them finally shatter and he almost drowned in the feeling of Kagome. She was back in his mind. A wreck emotionally, but he didn't care. As long as she was here, apart of him, he didn't care. She was wholly his again. He quickly found the place that was purely her in his mind and sent her a wave of emotion to match the feelings he was trying to put into the kiss.

 

As for Kagome, her protection against Inuyasha was finally broken, but she couldn't find the will to care. His assaults on her senses were leaving her weak in the knees. Her eyes began to grow heavy lidded, but she still couldn't look away from his burning amber gaze. She moaned and gave up the fight to not kiss him back. Inuyasha's other hand moved from the wall and into her hair. He pulled her head back ,with a gentleness that belied his rough treatment of her lips, so that he could gain a greater access to her mouth.

 

Some where in the back of his mind he acknowledged that this wasn't just about giving her proof anymore, but he tried valently to ignore those more primal instincts as Kagome tentively started to explore his mouth in the same fashion he was using to probe hers. One of his sharp fangs bit into her questing tongue and the bittersweet taste of blood filled their mouths. Inuyasha suddenly pulled away from her, breathing heavy. The taste of her blood on his tongue had almost cost him his control over his instincts.

 

Damn, how he wanted her….

 

Wanted to do to her…

 

He finally broke eye contact with her glazed over eyes as he licked at the stream of red trickling out of the corners of her swollen lips. He leaned his forehead against hers and struggled to calm his racing heart.

 

“I like you alive and warm, Koishii. Not dead like Kikyou. And if you don't believe be still, I'd be happy to try and prove it to you as many times as I have to.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

T.B.C

 

 

 

 

 

 

A/N

 

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Can you believe it? That chapter was just short of 30 pages long!

 

Was it worth the wait to see Inuyasha declare his love?

 

I hope so.

 

That last seen, from the time he declares “Your mine.” Until the end has been written since about Septemper…I've just been waiting for the right time to work it in…

 

I know some of you won't find it as steamy as I did…but the whole bleeding thing….

 

Okay…so I'm strange like that…It's the goth in me I guess…

 

But I have to say that I'm overwhelmingly happy with this chapter. I hope it didn't disappoint any of you.

 

On a more serious note, thank you all for your emails and reviews in regards to the death of my grandfather. I couldn't have gotten through it without you all supporting me.

 

Hitomi's Handy Dandy Guide to things that might have been a little confusing in this chapter:

 

What in the hell was up with Kagome's dream? I really had you going there didn't I? Okay I'm evil…I knew that in the previous chapter's Inuyasha had almost gotten her to trust him with her heart. He was just being sooo sweet. And I didn't have the heart to make him do anything horrible so…I gave her a bad dream…

 

What the hell was Inuyasha trying to pull in the well? Ehehehe…seduce her? I guess he was kida fustrated because he thought they were passed all that shit and then well Kagome wasn't over it…I mean the poor guy practically agreed to have a family with her…eesh…

 

The clay pot always causes them SOOOO much trouble! Are you going to kill her?!? I hope that I didn't turn her into a bitch this time. I truly am getting sick of Kikyou being portrayed as a slut who only cares for herself. Okay I know she's easy to target, but come on, in some of the later eps. she's really nice! Kinda…sorta…Just know that I don't hate her! And I feel sorry for her a lot…And as for if I'm going to kill her…erg…stick around and you'll find out in about…a chapter or two? Depends on the plot bunnies…

 

Does Inuyasha really love Kagome, or is this just an evil plot thought up by the crazed author? Yes Inuyasha is now in this for the long haul and now he'd gonna be hell bent on seducing Kagome. Don't worry kiddies, this fic will stay PG-13.

 

 

 

I guess that about wraps everything up…I'm going to try to answer review now, but keep in mind that these are only the reviews for chapter 13. I don't have enough space to answer all the reviews that came in for the other chapters as well.

 

Remember that I love you all, and that I have finals coming up next week. I hope to see you sometime in the future…I hope…

 

NEXT TIME ON TWTHE!

 

Inuyasha finally gets those damn beads off! Are you really ready to give them up, Inuyasha?

 

Shippou asks to go home with Kagome! Is there a way for the little fox to go down the rabbit hole?

 

What? A new subdue spell? But who is it for?

 

AHHH! Where the hell did that squirrel go? Has Mamenosuke Babomaru Yoshi Itokuzu Hibiki Fujita Seiji no Risu Fluffy the extraordinary super savage death defiying youkai squirrel finally gotten tired of nearly being drowned by Shippou? Maybe he just hates his name…

 

 

Yep, your in for one of those semi-fluffy relaxing filler chapters!