InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Unfettered ❯ Heart of Darkness ( Chapter 12 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: inufan625 
Kagome examines the own darkness in her heart and Kikyou's dark heart is up to no good.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 09.14.2006 | Updated On: 01.04.2007 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.1K | Visits: 2.2K | Status: Work In Progress
Kagome examines the own darkness in her heart and Kikyou's dark heart is up to no good.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 09.14.2006 | Updated On: 01.04.2007 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.1K | Visits: 2.2K | Status: Work In Progress
A/N: WARNING: Some of you may not like this chapter. It does deal just a little it with a very serious issue and I am not in any way making light of it.
As always feel free to let me know what you think even if you didn't like it, but if that is the case please elaborate on why. And thank you to everyone who has left me a review so far I really do appreciate it.
And I still don't own InuYasha!
Truth be told, it was more than the tense waiting that was bothering him. It hadn’t escaped his notice that Kagome had not gone into the village since Kikyou’s arrival. Kaede had begun coming to their home to work with her, and she also brought with her any supplies that they needed. He also didn’t like the way she would look at him sometimes when he returned from sweeping the forest, as if he was hiding something from her. She had never come right out and said anything, nor had she acted any differently towards him, but he could tell. She was confusing the hell out of him, and he didn’t like it.
He was certain that something was bothering her, and yet he didn’t know what it could be. He had already dismissed Kikyou as the cause, since Kagome had said that she didn’t mind the other miko living in the village. A low growl escaped him as he considered another possibility.
What if now having Kikyou, another young, ageless miko, had made the villagers decide that there was no longer any need to tolerate a miko that had been tainted by a hanyou? What if someone had said something to her, and she just hadn’t told him to spare his feelings? That was just like something she would do. His brow furrowed and InuYasha decided he would have to find a chance to ask Kaede about it.
He wished that he could go ask her right now, but Kagome was going through the well to pick up a few things they needed, and leaving the pup with him. He didn’t want to upset his son by speaking to Kaede in front of him, so it would have to wait. He growled, venting his frustration.
“Come on already!” he called out to his mate, who was taking her sweet time getting dressed.
Kagome stuck her head out of their room. “I’m almost ready.”
“What is taking so long anyway? Your family ain’t even going to be home until after you get back,” InuYasha pressed, ruffling his son’s hair to let the boy know that the was just messing with Kagome.
Taro laughed behind his hand. “Yeah, mama! You take forever!”
An indignant snort was heard by both hanyou, and they didn’t even attempt to hide their grins as Kagome came out of the bedroom.
“Who knows who I might run into? I have to look presentable in case...” Her speech trailed off as she realized that they had been teasing her and she faked a glare. “You two... What am I going to do with you both?” With a smile and a sigh, she joined them by the door.
The three walked to the well together. Kagome gave both her hanyou a quick kiss goodbye before heading through the well with a promise to back in time for dinner.
InuYasha considered their options for a minute, and then suggested that they could go hunting. This idea was an immediate success with the little boy, and so they spent the whole morning tracking various small animals in the forest. However, it ended up being more of an exercise in stalking, than actual hunting.
It was after midday when they finally decided to take a break and Taro voiced his desire to have fish for lunch. InuYasha didn’t really care what they ate, so he agreed and they went down to the river. The little boy insisted on being the one to catch the fish, so InuYasha leaned against a tree not far from the water and waited. Surprisingly, it didn’t take long, and soon they were ready to go home and cook Taro’s catch.
InuYasha walked along a few steps behind his son as they headed back to their home from the river. Taro had managed to catch two fish all on his own, and was excited with the prospect of cooking them for lunch. As they drew closer, InuYasha caught Kikyou’s scent, and he wondered why she would be so near their home. Both hanyou stopped in the doorway of the small house upon seeing the miko stirring a pot over the fire.
She looked up at them and smiled. “Back at last, I see. Kaede informed me that Kagome was planning a trip through the well this day, and so I thought you might be in need of someone to prepare a meal for you both. I see you have some fish. Would you like for me to prepare it as well?”
InuYasha glanced down at his son, who was looking at him, waiting to be told what to do. “Uh... Sure. Thanks, Kikyou.”
In turn, the miko graced him with a brilliant smile, and he couldn’t help but to smile back. She took their catch and went back to cooking. Both hanyou went to sit at the low table, and InuYasha couldn’t help but think of how considerate it was of Kikyou to do this for them. Since having been returned to life, she was so much more like the woman he remembered, except now she was more open, more like Kagome. He supposed it was because she no longer bore the burden of the shikon no tama.
Either way, he was happy for her, and glad that they were now able to truly be friends in spite of all that had passed between them. He nodded in thanks as she handed him a bowl.
“Thank you Kikyou-sama,” Taro said as he took his offered meal as well.
“You are welcome,” she replied, taking a seat beside the boy, with her own bowl in hand.
She stepped up to the door of her home and her heart stopped. InuYasha was seated at the table across from Kikyou, eating, and Taro was sitting with the miko, talking animatedly to her. Kagome turned and ran before she started to cry, alerting the hanyou to her presence.
Somewhere along the way to the well, she dropped the bag. She was thankful her mother wasn’t going to be home until late that evening. In her family’s home she sat at her desk and composed one letter to InuYasha, and another to their son. That done, she returned to their home and watched from a distance, making sure to stay downwind.
When Kikyou left to go back to the village, and InuYasha took Taro out to train, she went inside the house and placed the letters on the table. Kagome entered the bedroom she had shared with InuYasha and packed all of her belongings into her faded yellow backpack, before heading back through the well. Once she was on her old pink comforter, she gave herself over to her sadness once again and cried.
InuYasha and Taro entered the house and both noticed that Kagome had been there recently, but that she was gone. Taro ran over to the table and picked up the letter with his name on it.
“Papa, what does this mean?” the boy asked.
“What’s it say, pup?” InuYasha replied.
InuTaro,
My sweet koinu, please never doubt that I love you and that nothing bad that has ever happened was your fault. You are the best son a mother could have asked for. Be good for your papa and Kikyou. I will be thinking of you always. Be happy, baby.
Love,
Mama
“Papa, mama wrote one for you, too,” Taro said quietly.
InuYasha,
When I returned to see you in our home with her, eating a meal she had prepared, our son sitting with her talking to her, I finally understood that there truly is no place for me in your world. Never once have you said that you love me, and I always let myself believe that it was because you preferred to show me, but now I know that I was wrong. You made me your mate, but she was always the one who held your heart. I am sorry that I didn’t have the courage to say all this to your face, but I know your honor would have demanded you stop me from leaving. My greatest wish has always been that you be happy. Kikyou is alive and returned to you. Be happy with her. I know you will raise our son well, and to be an honorable man. Please don’t make this harder than it has to be. I release you from all your obligations to me. Please, InuYasha, don’t come after me. I will love you forever with all that I am. You will always be my best friend, my mate, my heart, my life.
All my Love always,
Your Kagome
“Papa, where’s mama?” Taro asked quietly. “I want my mama...”
“Stupid bitch!” InuYasha howled, even though he knew it wasn’t her fault.
His inner youkai was screaming inside his head and he had to let it out. He howled long and loud, crying out her loss for all to hear, and he was vaguely aware that from beside him his pup had joined in instinctively, reacting to his pain.
People in the village gathered at the miko’s hut to see what the cause of the roars from just beyond the village was. Kikyou stepped outside with a small smile on her lips. She knew what had happened, and couldn’t say that she wasn’t pleased. “I assure you, all is well. I will go and take care of this.”
Kikyou entered the house and went to InuYasha. She wrapped her arms around him and was pleased when he leaned into her.
“Remove your hands from him, miko,” Sesshomaru commanded, stepping inside.
InuYasha was now clinging to her tightly. “He does not appear to mind, youkai.”
“That is because he thinks you are his mate. He is lost in the madness,” Sesshomaru told her. “Now, release him.”
InuYasha raised his head and growled. His eyes were red. He pushed Kikyou off him. “Not mate,” he snarled. His eyes then settled on the frightened boy beside him. “Pup, mine.”
“Papa...” Taro cried, hugging his leg. “I want mama...”
“InuYasha, retrieve your mate. I will see to your whelp,” Sesshomaru told him. InuYasha approached the youkai before him growling. “You may waste time killing me, or you may go to your mate. It is your choice, little brother.”
Youkai InuYasha stopped and scented the youkai before him. “Brother. Pup safe, pack.”
“That is correct, now go after your mate,” Sesshomaru replied.
Youkai InuYasha raced out of the hut and picked up his mate’s scent with ease.
“You, miko, will cease all attempts to take my brother from his mate,” Sesshomaru said. “Now, leave at once. Do not think that I do not know how you came to be alive once again. You owe a debt to the mother of my nephew, for it was she who carried him and instilled in him the pure heart that gave you back your wretched life. Continue your present course and this Sesshomaru will revoke the gift that has been bestowed upon you.”
Kikyou stood up. “I do not bend to the will of youkai.” In a breath Sesshomaru had Kikyou by the throat. “Unhand me, youkai, or meet your end. I hesitate only because you are his brother.”
“Uncle, Kikyou-sama, what’s going on? Where’s my mama? What happened to papa?” Taro asked. “Please, tell me. I’m scared.”
Both the miko and the taiyoukai looked at the confused little boy. Sesshomaru released Kikyou. “Your father has gone to retrieve your mother. I will remain here until they return. You have nothing to fear.” He looked to Kikyou once more. “We will finish this another time.”
Kikyou said nothing, but left the house to return to the village.
Gods, how it hurt. It hurt to think, to breathe, to be. She didn’t think she could live with the pain. Her heart ached in a way she had never known. Nothing had ever hurt this badly: not when daddy died, not when he had gone to her, not even leaving him that day at the well. It was as if seeing her with them had transformed that small spec of darkness in her heart into gaping void, a black hole that was drawing in every part of her, including her will to live.
Again her gaze drifted to the thin metal blade. It would be so easy to just pick it up and make the pain go away. When she had pulled it from the cabinet that had seemed like the best course of action. After all, if she were dead, then she wouldn’t be around to shame her family any further, and she wouldn’t hurt anymore.
Her family would be sad, but in time they would find a way to go on with their lives. After all, her mother and grandfather had been through it before when her father had died. At that thought, her first shred of doubt appeared. If her mother could lose a husband and still go on living, then she should be able to as well. But then again, she wasn’t just losing her husband. She was also losing her son; and it wasn’t death, but another woman, taking them from her.
Unbidden, the face of her little boy made its way into her thoughts. She knew Taro was young enough that in time the memories of her would likely fade, so much so that he might not even remember that he had a different mother before Kikyou, and he would be happy. It was only too bad that she didn’t want her son to forget her. She was his mother, damn it, and she had gone through so much to have him. She had faced ridicule and had born the weight of the shame she had brought upon her family, and that hadn’t killed her. All of her friends had turned from her, and still she had managed to go on.
Next, she thought of him. She had tried not to, but as usual InuYasha refused to not be heard. He would be ashamed of her for even thinking about killing herself. He would insist that she was stronger than this, and it was in that moment she realized that he would have been right.
She was stronger than this. Maybe she would never be able to love anyone again, but she wouldn’t stop living. She could devote her life to helping others. In that way, she would take away some of her own pain, and some of the shame, that her actions had brought upon her family. Also, there was no telling what could happen in the future, or in the past. With all of the dangers in the Feudal Era, there was no guarantee that something wouldn’t happen to InuYasha or Kikyou; and if it did, she knew that they would send him through the well for her to protect him (well, InuYasha would at least). She needed to be here just in case her son ever needed her.
Kagome cursed herself for having been so weak as to consider killing herself, if even for a moment. She moved to pick up the razor so that she could return it to the cabinet where it belonged, but before she could close it the door flew open, startling her. She winced as the blade cut into her finger and let it fall out of her hand.
Youkai InuYasha pushed open the shoji that his mate’s scent disappeared behind, and was met by three humans: an old man, a woman, and a young boy. He ignored them since their scent told them that they were part of his mate’s pack. Their frightened chatter meant nothing to him as he climbed the stairs.
The scent of her tears overwhelmed him, but there was a stronger more frightening scent, that of her blood. It wasn’t a large amount, but it still meant that she was hurt. In his haste, he knocked the door that was keeping his mate from him free from its hinges, and found her sitting on the floor.
Kagome looked up. The razor made a harsh clattering sound as it hit the floor, and several drops of blood fell from her injured finger. She didn’t even have time to be afraid of his blood red eyes as he pulled her into his arms and began to lap at the small wound.
InuYasha growled softly and once the wound was healed looked to Kagome, his eyes back to their normal color as the madness in his mind retreated, now that he held her in his arms.
“InuYasha?” she whispered. “You’re here.”
“Of course I am. You’re my mate. You belong with me,” InuYasha told her.
Kagome tried to pull away from him, but he refused to let her go. “Please, let me go,” she pleaded. “I can’t be with you as long as you’re in love somebody else. You can’t be happy that way, and neither can I.”
“Stupid wench,” he said gently. “If you don’t want to be with me because I fucked up and let Kikyou too far back into my life, then as much as it would kill me to do so, I’ll let you go; but it will never be because I don’t love you.” He took her face in his hands. “I love you, Kagome. You and Taro mean everything to me and I know this is my fault. I am going to ask Kikyou to leave the village. When it comes down to you and her, I will choose you every time. Now, tell me what the fuck you think you were doing when I got here.”
“I-I didn’t want to live without you and Taro,” Kagome whispered. “But... I couldn’t do it.”
“Well, don’t you ever try something so stupid again, do you hear me?” InuYasha demanded.
Kagome nodded. “Are you really sure you want me and not her? I saw you all together-”
“Kagome, my mate, what I felt for Kikyou is nothing compared to what I feel for you. You accept me as I am and have never wanted me to change,” InuYasha said. “I was wrong and I’m sorry. If you had Kouga or that wimpy human in our home serving them, letting them hold our son, I would have killed them and been hard pressed to forgive you. And yet, I never thought twice about Kikyou showing up.”
“So, you didn’t ask her to come?” Kagome questioned.
“No. She just showed up and was already cooking before I got back from taking Taro hunting,” InuYasha replied. “I don’t owe Kikyou anything anymore, and when our friendship starts to interfere with my relationship with my mate, it’s time to let it go and move on. That don’t mean that I won’t try and help her if she’s ever in trouble, but other than that, there really ain’t any reason for me to see her.”
“You ... you won’t resent me... or feel like I forced you to choose between me and her?” Kagome asked.
“This is what I want, Kagome,” InuYasha assured her. “You aren’t forcing me to do anything. I love you and I want us to be happy. We can’t do that with Kikyou hanging over us.”
“I love you too, so much,” Kagome said, hugging him tightly.
“You ready to go home? The pup was asking for you,” InuYasha told her. “Don’t you know no one can replace a boy’s mother?”
“Kagome,” her mother said softly, from the doorway. “Is everything all right?”
“It is now,” Kagome replied. “InuYasha and I are going to go home now.”
They moved to leave and the older woman halted her with a gentle hand on her arm. “Kagome?”
“I’m all right mama,” she said again. “Really. I promise to come back soon and explain, but right now I need to go home. I need to be with Taro and with InuYasha, okay?”
With a nod of understanding, her mother embraced her in a quick hug, and then stepped aside to let them leave.
As always feel free to let me know what you think even if you didn't like it, but if that is the case please elaborate on why. And thank you to everyone who has left me a review so far I really do appreciate it.
And I still don't own InuYasha!
~ *~
For the next several weeks both Kagome and InuYasha were never far from each other, or from their son, as they waited for whatever was coming to make itself known. Several times the hanyou found himself wishing that their enemy would just show himself so that they could fight and be done with it.Truth be told, it was more than the tense waiting that was bothering him. It hadn’t escaped his notice that Kagome had not gone into the village since Kikyou’s arrival. Kaede had begun coming to their home to work with her, and she also brought with her any supplies that they needed. He also didn’t like the way she would look at him sometimes when he returned from sweeping the forest, as if he was hiding something from her. She had never come right out and said anything, nor had she acted any differently towards him, but he could tell. She was confusing the hell out of him, and he didn’t like it.
He was certain that something was bothering her, and yet he didn’t know what it could be. He had already dismissed Kikyou as the cause, since Kagome had said that she didn’t mind the other miko living in the village. A low growl escaped him as he considered another possibility.
What if now having Kikyou, another young, ageless miko, had made the villagers decide that there was no longer any need to tolerate a miko that had been tainted by a hanyou? What if someone had said something to her, and she just hadn’t told him to spare his feelings? That was just like something she would do. His brow furrowed and InuYasha decided he would have to find a chance to ask Kaede about it.
He wished that he could go ask her right now, but Kagome was going through the well to pick up a few things they needed, and leaving the pup with him. He didn’t want to upset his son by speaking to Kaede in front of him, so it would have to wait. He growled, venting his frustration.
“Come on already!” he called out to his mate, who was taking her sweet time getting dressed.
Kagome stuck her head out of their room. “I’m almost ready.”
“What is taking so long anyway? Your family ain’t even going to be home until after you get back,” InuYasha pressed, ruffling his son’s hair to let the boy know that the was just messing with Kagome.
Taro laughed behind his hand. “Yeah, mama! You take forever!”
An indignant snort was heard by both hanyou, and they didn’t even attempt to hide their grins as Kagome came out of the bedroom.
“Who knows who I might run into? I have to look presentable in case...” Her speech trailed off as she realized that they had been teasing her and she faked a glare. “You two... What am I going to do with you both?” With a smile and a sigh, she joined them by the door.
The three walked to the well together. Kagome gave both her hanyou a quick kiss goodbye before heading through the well with a promise to back in time for dinner.
~ * ~
They walked back from the well together in silence, but when they reached their home Taro wanted to know how they were going to spend the day. Neither hanyou really knew what to do with their time without Kagome there to make plans.InuYasha considered their options for a minute, and then suggested that they could go hunting. This idea was an immediate success with the little boy, and so they spent the whole morning tracking various small animals in the forest. However, it ended up being more of an exercise in stalking, than actual hunting.
It was after midday when they finally decided to take a break and Taro voiced his desire to have fish for lunch. InuYasha didn’t really care what they ate, so he agreed and they went down to the river. The little boy insisted on being the one to catch the fish, so InuYasha leaned against a tree not far from the water and waited. Surprisingly, it didn’t take long, and soon they were ready to go home and cook Taro’s catch.
InuYasha walked along a few steps behind his son as they headed back to their home from the river. Taro had managed to catch two fish all on his own, and was excited with the prospect of cooking them for lunch. As they drew closer, InuYasha caught Kikyou’s scent, and he wondered why she would be so near their home. Both hanyou stopped in the doorway of the small house upon seeing the miko stirring a pot over the fire.
She looked up at them and smiled. “Back at last, I see. Kaede informed me that Kagome was planning a trip through the well this day, and so I thought you might be in need of someone to prepare a meal for you both. I see you have some fish. Would you like for me to prepare it as well?”
InuYasha glanced down at his son, who was looking at him, waiting to be told what to do. “Uh... Sure. Thanks, Kikyou.”
In turn, the miko graced him with a brilliant smile, and he couldn’t help but to smile back. She took their catch and went back to cooking. Both hanyou went to sit at the low table, and InuYasha couldn’t help but think of how considerate it was of Kikyou to do this for them. Since having been returned to life, she was so much more like the woman he remembered, except now she was more open, more like Kagome. He supposed it was because she no longer bore the burden of the shikon no tama.
Either way, he was happy for her, and glad that they were now able to truly be friends in spite of all that had passed between them. He nodded in thanks as she handed him a bowl.
“Thank you Kikyou-sama,” Taro said as he took his offered meal as well.
“You are welcome,” she replied, taking a seat beside the boy, with her own bowl in hand.
~ * ~
Kagome climbed out of the well, which was difficult while holding onto the bag of food she had brought back with her. She wasn’t surprised that InuYasha and Taro weren’t there to meet her, since she wasn’t supposed to be back until late in the evening. However, she had missed them and wanted to surprise them.She stepped up to the door of her home and her heart stopped. InuYasha was seated at the table across from Kikyou, eating, and Taro was sitting with the miko, talking animatedly to her. Kagome turned and ran before she started to cry, alerting the hanyou to her presence.
Somewhere along the way to the well, she dropped the bag. She was thankful her mother wasn’t going to be home until late that evening. In her family’s home she sat at her desk and composed one letter to InuYasha, and another to their son. That done, she returned to their home and watched from a distance, making sure to stay downwind.
When Kikyou left to go back to the village, and InuYasha took Taro out to train, she went inside the house and placed the letters on the table. Kagome entered the bedroom she had shared with InuYasha and packed all of her belongings into her faded yellow backpack, before heading back through the well. Once she was on her old pink comforter, she gave herself over to her sadness once again and cried.
InuYasha and Taro entered the house and both noticed that Kagome had been there recently, but that she was gone. Taro ran over to the table and picked up the letter with his name on it.
“Papa, what does this mean?” the boy asked.
“What’s it say, pup?” InuYasha replied.
InuTaro,
My sweet koinu, please never doubt that I love you and that nothing bad that has ever happened was your fault. You are the best son a mother could have asked for. Be good for your papa and Kikyou. I will be thinking of you always. Be happy, baby.
Love,
Mama
“Papa, mama wrote one for you, too,” Taro said quietly.
InuYasha,
When I returned to see you in our home with her, eating a meal she had prepared, our son sitting with her talking to her, I finally understood that there truly is no place for me in your world. Never once have you said that you love me, and I always let myself believe that it was because you preferred to show me, but now I know that I was wrong. You made me your mate, but she was always the one who held your heart. I am sorry that I didn’t have the courage to say all this to your face, but I know your honor would have demanded you stop me from leaving. My greatest wish has always been that you be happy. Kikyou is alive and returned to you. Be happy with her. I know you will raise our son well, and to be an honorable man. Please don’t make this harder than it has to be. I release you from all your obligations to me. Please, InuYasha, don’t come after me. I will love you forever with all that I am. You will always be my best friend, my mate, my heart, my life.
All my Love always,
Your Kagome
“Papa, where’s mama?” Taro asked quietly. “I want my mama...”
“Stupid bitch!” InuYasha howled, even though he knew it wasn’t her fault.
His inner youkai was screaming inside his head and he had to let it out. He howled long and loud, crying out her loss for all to hear, and he was vaguely aware that from beside him his pup had joined in instinctively, reacting to his pain.
People in the village gathered at the miko’s hut to see what the cause of the roars from just beyond the village was. Kikyou stepped outside with a small smile on her lips. She knew what had happened, and couldn’t say that she wasn’t pleased. “I assure you, all is well. I will go and take care of this.”
Kikyou entered the house and went to InuYasha. She wrapped her arms around him and was pleased when he leaned into her.
“Remove your hands from him, miko,” Sesshomaru commanded, stepping inside.
InuYasha was now clinging to her tightly. “He does not appear to mind, youkai.”
“That is because he thinks you are his mate. He is lost in the madness,” Sesshomaru told her. “Now, release him.”
InuYasha raised his head and growled. His eyes were red. He pushed Kikyou off him. “Not mate,” he snarled. His eyes then settled on the frightened boy beside him. “Pup, mine.”
“Papa...” Taro cried, hugging his leg. “I want mama...”
“InuYasha, retrieve your mate. I will see to your whelp,” Sesshomaru told him. InuYasha approached the youkai before him growling. “You may waste time killing me, or you may go to your mate. It is your choice, little brother.”
Youkai InuYasha stopped and scented the youkai before him. “Brother. Pup safe, pack.”
“That is correct, now go after your mate,” Sesshomaru replied.
Youkai InuYasha raced out of the hut and picked up his mate’s scent with ease.
“You, miko, will cease all attempts to take my brother from his mate,” Sesshomaru said. “Now, leave at once. Do not think that I do not know how you came to be alive once again. You owe a debt to the mother of my nephew, for it was she who carried him and instilled in him the pure heart that gave you back your wretched life. Continue your present course and this Sesshomaru will revoke the gift that has been bestowed upon you.”
Kikyou stood up. “I do not bend to the will of youkai.” In a breath Sesshomaru had Kikyou by the throat. “Unhand me, youkai, or meet your end. I hesitate only because you are his brother.”
“Uncle, Kikyou-sama, what’s going on? Where’s my mama? What happened to papa?” Taro asked. “Please, tell me. I’m scared.”
Both the miko and the taiyoukai looked at the confused little boy. Sesshomaru released Kikyou. “Your father has gone to retrieve your mother. I will remain here until they return. You have nothing to fear.” He looked to Kikyou once more. “We will finish this another time.”
Kikyou said nothing, but left the house to return to the village.
~ * ~
Kagome found herself sitting on the cold tile floor of the bathroom, eyes red and swollen from crying. Her vision was slightly blurred as she looked at the straight razor on the edge of the tub. She had been there for over an hour, having taken refuge from her returning family in the small room. The running water had been the perfect cover for her crying and her mother, knowing how she loved hot baths, had not questioned her reasons for being there.Gods, how it hurt. It hurt to think, to breathe, to be. She didn’t think she could live with the pain. Her heart ached in a way she had never known. Nothing had ever hurt this badly: not when daddy died, not when he had gone to her, not even leaving him that day at the well. It was as if seeing her with them had transformed that small spec of darkness in her heart into gaping void, a black hole that was drawing in every part of her, including her will to live.
Again her gaze drifted to the thin metal blade. It would be so easy to just pick it up and make the pain go away. When she had pulled it from the cabinet that had seemed like the best course of action. After all, if she were dead, then she wouldn’t be around to shame her family any further, and she wouldn’t hurt anymore.
Her family would be sad, but in time they would find a way to go on with their lives. After all, her mother and grandfather had been through it before when her father had died. At that thought, her first shred of doubt appeared. If her mother could lose a husband and still go on living, then she should be able to as well. But then again, she wasn’t just losing her husband. She was also losing her son; and it wasn’t death, but another woman, taking them from her.
Unbidden, the face of her little boy made its way into her thoughts. She knew Taro was young enough that in time the memories of her would likely fade, so much so that he might not even remember that he had a different mother before Kikyou, and he would be happy. It was only too bad that she didn’t want her son to forget her. She was his mother, damn it, and she had gone through so much to have him. She had faced ridicule and had born the weight of the shame she had brought upon her family, and that hadn’t killed her. All of her friends had turned from her, and still she had managed to go on.
Next, she thought of him. She had tried not to, but as usual InuYasha refused to not be heard. He would be ashamed of her for even thinking about killing herself. He would insist that she was stronger than this, and it was in that moment she realized that he would have been right.
She was stronger than this. Maybe she would never be able to love anyone again, but she wouldn’t stop living. She could devote her life to helping others. In that way, she would take away some of her own pain, and some of the shame, that her actions had brought upon her family. Also, there was no telling what could happen in the future, or in the past. With all of the dangers in the Feudal Era, there was no guarantee that something wouldn’t happen to InuYasha or Kikyou; and if it did, she knew that they would send him through the well for her to protect him (well, InuYasha would at least). She needed to be here just in case her son ever needed her.
Kagome cursed herself for having been so weak as to consider killing herself, if even for a moment. She moved to pick up the razor so that she could return it to the cabinet where it belonged, but before she could close it the door flew open, startling her. She winced as the blade cut into her finger and let it fall out of her hand.
~ * ~
Youkai InuYasha ran, hating the scent of a woman who was not his mate, as it reached his nose from the clothing he wore. His mate had every right to leave him, and it had been her right to take their pup as well, but she had not. He was proud of her for choosing the needs of their pup over her own, and would do anything to get her back. He didn’t hesitate before jumping into the well where his mate’s scent stopped.Youkai InuYasha pushed open the shoji that his mate’s scent disappeared behind, and was met by three humans: an old man, a woman, and a young boy. He ignored them since their scent told them that they were part of his mate’s pack. Their frightened chatter meant nothing to him as he climbed the stairs.
The scent of her tears overwhelmed him, but there was a stronger more frightening scent, that of her blood. It wasn’t a large amount, but it still meant that she was hurt. In his haste, he knocked the door that was keeping his mate from him free from its hinges, and found her sitting on the floor.
Kagome looked up. The razor made a harsh clattering sound as it hit the floor, and several drops of blood fell from her injured finger. She didn’t even have time to be afraid of his blood red eyes as he pulled her into his arms and began to lap at the small wound.
InuYasha growled softly and once the wound was healed looked to Kagome, his eyes back to their normal color as the madness in his mind retreated, now that he held her in his arms.
“InuYasha?” she whispered. “You’re here.”
“Of course I am. You’re my mate. You belong with me,” InuYasha told her.
Kagome tried to pull away from him, but he refused to let her go. “Please, let me go,” she pleaded. “I can’t be with you as long as you’re in love somebody else. You can’t be happy that way, and neither can I.”
“Stupid wench,” he said gently. “If you don’t want to be with me because I fucked up and let Kikyou too far back into my life, then as much as it would kill me to do so, I’ll let you go; but it will never be because I don’t love you.” He took her face in his hands. “I love you, Kagome. You and Taro mean everything to me and I know this is my fault. I am going to ask Kikyou to leave the village. When it comes down to you and her, I will choose you every time. Now, tell me what the fuck you think you were doing when I got here.”
“I-I didn’t want to live without you and Taro,” Kagome whispered. “But... I couldn’t do it.”
“Well, don’t you ever try something so stupid again, do you hear me?” InuYasha demanded.
Kagome nodded. “Are you really sure you want me and not her? I saw you all together-”
“Kagome, my mate, what I felt for Kikyou is nothing compared to what I feel for you. You accept me as I am and have never wanted me to change,” InuYasha said. “I was wrong and I’m sorry. If you had Kouga or that wimpy human in our home serving them, letting them hold our son, I would have killed them and been hard pressed to forgive you. And yet, I never thought twice about Kikyou showing up.”
“So, you didn’t ask her to come?” Kagome questioned.
“No. She just showed up and was already cooking before I got back from taking Taro hunting,” InuYasha replied. “I don’t owe Kikyou anything anymore, and when our friendship starts to interfere with my relationship with my mate, it’s time to let it go and move on. That don’t mean that I won’t try and help her if she’s ever in trouble, but other than that, there really ain’t any reason for me to see her.”
“You ... you won’t resent me... or feel like I forced you to choose between me and her?” Kagome asked.
“This is what I want, Kagome,” InuYasha assured her. “You aren’t forcing me to do anything. I love you and I want us to be happy. We can’t do that with Kikyou hanging over us.”
“I love you too, so much,” Kagome said, hugging him tightly.
“You ready to go home? The pup was asking for you,” InuYasha told her. “Don’t you know no one can replace a boy’s mother?”
“Kagome,” her mother said softly, from the doorway. “Is everything all right?”
“It is now,” Kagome replied. “InuYasha and I are going to go home now.”
They moved to leave and the older woman halted her with a gentle hand on her arm. “Kagome?”
“I’m all right mama,” she said again. “Really. I promise to come back soon and explain, but right now I need to go home. I need to be with Taro and with InuYasha, okay?”
With a nod of understanding, her mother embraced her in a quick hug, and then stepped aside to let them leave.