InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ We Will Become Silhouettes ❯ A Hurt So Deep ( Chapter 8 )

We Will Become Silhouettes

 

Chapter 8 A Hurt So Deep

 

 

Staring to down at his hands, Inuyasha was aware of the slight shake they had to them, and how every once in a while they would just twitch all of their own accord. It had to be because of anxiety, but it worried him nonetheless. He had heard of a healer once refer to it as the yips, a term he found highly offensive seeing as how he was part dog demon himself. Plus of all the names you can come up with a condition, why the yips?...But this was entirely beside the point, because it wasn't the fact that he had the yips that was worrying him. It was the reason behind those yips that was his real poison.

 

He shook his head in grim realization when he saw just how true that statement really was…Sesshomaru was his poison, a poison he feared had no antidote. Despite his callousness and cruelty, the youkai had somehow managed to embed himself into the hanyou's heart. He did so without trying, and most likely without even wanting it, and yet it had happened all the same.

 

What Sesshomaru asked he should never oblige to anyone. Miroku, Kagome, and his father were the only ones who knew of his transformation time, and he was sure that all them would advise against this. If only his father weren't away, he would be able to reason with his stepson. Not only was it stupid to reveal such a secret, but it was especially stupid to reveal it to someone who had claimed they would kill you on more than one occasion. Was he mad to even be considering such a stupid move?...Had he finally lost all sense of reason?

 

Even as his mind berated him, and his heart told him that if he went it would only lead to more pain, he found that his feet were still determinedly heading in the direction of his old room…the room that currently belonged to Sesshomaru. You know when he finally got control of himself again; he was going to beat himself to death for being so fucking twitterpated.

 

Not only was he twitterpated, but he was also a fool. This wasn't going to end good, of this he had no doubt, because although he didn't know his stepbrother all that well, he knew he well enough to suspect something odd about the fact that he was asking him to go there tonight of all nights. If Sesshomaru could barely stand hanyous, then why the hell did he want to sleep with him when he was a human?...Though that was taking into consideration that sleeping with him is what he wanted. Sesshomaru was a pretty big bastard, and so he could very well be leading him on with that…though he was a sex starved puppy, and it was a chance he was willing to take…despite how pathetic it might sound.

 

As quietly as he could he slid the door open, never once taking the chance to glance up and see what was on the inside. His eyes remained downcast as he walked in, and stayed that way up until his bare feet hit the edge of his stepbrother's futon, and then they shot open with a start.

 

Golden eyes met golden eyes, and for a minute Inuyasha couldn't breathe. He had seen Sesshomaru before, he had kissed him, been touched by him, and yet this time it felt different. This time it felt as if he was staring into the abyss when they met, and that if he looked to far into them he would be lost forever.

 

“It's not evening yet. Why did you come so early?” The silence was only broken by Sesshomaru's annoyed speech, but just because the silence was broken didn't mean that any of the uncomfortableness had left.

 

Inuyasha's eyes shifted towards the window to see that the sky was just turning a light pink haze. It would be dark in about an hour, and then everything would change. He came early because he wanted to be with Sesshomaru as a half-breed, not a human. But he wasn't about to tell his jerk of a stepbrother that. No, truthfully he still wasn't all that convinced that Sesshomaru knew what was going to happen to him when the sun went down anyways….That would be just like him, to bluff his way into finding out.

 

Instead of admitting this though, he went for the more evasive approach…he changed the subject. Sesshomaru was sitting on his bed, with stacks of papers and maps lying all over, and so he did what any curious specimen in his situation would do…he asked about them. “So…” He started, cursing the fact that his voice was all shaky and unsure. “Whatcha doin?”

 

Pulling a map of what looked like Hiroshima onto his lap, Sesshomaru gave him an annoyed upwards glance before going back to whatever the hell he was up to. “What I'm doing is what by all rights you should be doing if you weren't so incompetent.”

 

Now there were many ways he could respond to that outright, and completely uncalled for, insult, but the one he chose was a more simple. “Huh?” Simply rolling his eyes, Sesshomaru pointed to the spot beside him, and went back to scrawling onto a scroll that seemed to need his signature.

 

Shrugging, Inuyasha quickly crawled onto the bed, secretly thrilled that he had been invited upon it so easily…Seriously though, how sad was that when he got his kicks from being told to sit down…Sesshomaru really wasn't a good influence on him…not at all.

 

Grabbing a handful of the neatly organized documents, the youkai placed them upon his lap while simultaneously continuing to sign and fill out whatever it was that he was doing. “When your father left to deal with those cats he left me in charge of affairs here. I have to make sure all of our tenants are appeased, and that unfriendly matters are resolved as quickly as possible.”

 

Inuyasha's lips pursed. His father had left Sesshomaru in charge? That couldn't be right. He was the one that was next in line for lordship, not his stepbrother. As a matter of fact his stepbrother had only been here for a short amount of time, so why in the hell would his father put him in charge? Did he really think he was that irresponsible that he couldn't handle something like that?

 

“Why you?” He bit out a bit more scornful than he had intended to sound. It was one thing allowing those two degenerates into their house, but to give away his position to someone he had known for only a few months was just unreasonable. Was Sesshomaru really so much better than him that even his father was now starting to show favoritism?

 

“Do try to relax mutt. I can already see the hair bristling on the back of your neck. You should be happy that you get out of such a mundane task.” Happy? Oh yeah…he was just thrilled!

 

In an act of anger, he swept his arm across the bed, splaying all of the carefully laid out papers all over the floor. If he wasn't so damn pissed he might have noticed the look of warning in Sesshomaru's eyes, but by this point nothing was getting through his haze of red, and so he took paid it no head. “Well I'm not! How could he do this to me!?”

 

“Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know that filling out land deeds was one of your favorite past times. I'll be sure and let Inutashou know next time I see him so that he can sick you on these things instead of making me do them.” Sesshomaru quickly shot back sarcastically, which was a little strange, because he didn't do sarcastic all that often.

 

“I'm supposed to learn how to run things! I'm a prince…you're just an unwanted houseguest!” From the snarl that rippled through the youkai's chest, he knew he had gone too far.

 

Sesshomaru's face turned a deathly pale color, and his lips tightened into a straight line. Truthfully he wouldn't be all that surprised if steam began billowing out of his ears. Well that is if the cold bastard could feel such emotions, but he really doubted he could. Inuyasha mentally striked that in his mind. He obviously could feel that emotion, because pissed off is really the only emotion he had seen him show so far.

 

“Unwanted?” His lip raised in a snarl. “Unwanted am I? You didn't seem to think I was so unwanted last night when I was…” The smooth talking youkai lord stopped himself, and it seemed that his fit of rage was over, because in the next moment he calmly stated. “You're being a child, and you're not worth my time.” His arm stretched out as he pointed to the door. “Now get off my bed, and get out of my room.”

 

He was kicking him out? Oh that was rich. “Oh I'm so gone.” You know he could have just said that and left, but he never did know when to just walk away, so as he was heading angrily for the door he shot out. “I wouldn't want Kagura's leftovers anyways. I'd much rather be Naraku's whore than yours any day…at least I know he's never fucked her!”

 

Inuyasha gulped as Inuyasha's eyes turned a blood red, and his claws grew to a most unusual size. Yeah, he was definitely banking on the fact that he should never have said that last part. In the blink of an eye it seemed he was thrown up against the wall, and Sesshomaru's forearm was rammed rather painfully against his air pipe.

 

Fangs bared, the youkai leaned forwards, making sure that they shared the same air. “If you want to go be his fuck toy, by all means go.” The arm pressed in harder, and he could feel his airway crushing under the pressure. “But if you let him mark you then I swear I will kill you, and it won't be quick. It will slow and painful.” He leaned in closer. “I'll be damned if I let Inutashou's fool of a son hand over the western lands on a silver platter to that no good half breed!”

 

His eyes widened as the words screamed in his face finally took hold. For the first time things began to make sense in his mind. In truth he didn't know how they hadn't sooner. Naraku never wanted him. If he was his mate then he would have control of the lands without even having to go to war! How could he have been so stupid? He didn't deserve to control these lands…Not now…not ever. Sesshomaru was right…he was a fool. This of course didn't change his level of pissed-off-ness, and he fully intended to take that out on the source of his anger.

 

Ignoring the pain in his throat, and doing his very best to ignore the pain in his heart, Inuyasha placed both of his palms onto his stepbrother's chest and pushed with as much strength as he possessed. That strength made the youkai stumble a couple feet, but for any human, or lesser demon for that matter, such a push would have sent them crashing through the wall.

 

“You fucking asshole!” He screamed. All he could picture was the first time he had called him Dagger, the time he had saved him in the village…their first kiss…when he had told him that he belonged only to him. “I thought you wanted to protect me from Naraku…Hell I even thought you wanted me.” Inuyasha shut his eyes, willing the tears away that were threatening to fall. Though when he opened them he realized that such a feat would be nearly impossible, because his eyes were already blurred by them. “You never wanted me though. You're the same as him…All you want is my namesake.”

 

The reds of Sesshomaru's eyes began to fade, and yet didn't disappear altogether. “You understand nothing half-breed. I could care less about your land, that's my mother's passion.” He began to walk back forward. “If I had wanted to mate with you I could have done so long ago.”

 

“Then what do you want!?” Inuyasha interjected. He couldn't take this anymore. The constant not knowing…the mixed signals…the pain. “Just tell me! Just stop hurting me and tell what you want!”

 

“Well then you're blind!” Sesshomaru shot back hurtfully, and as if that wasn't enough he just had to go and add. “And a fool.” By the time he had said this he was practically nose-to-nose with him. “Do you really not know by this point what it is I want from you?” Sesshomaru's claws scraped across his skin as they landed on his hip, pulling him closer so that he could easily whisper seductively into his face. “…What I've always wanted from you…”

 

He leaned in for a kiss, but for the first time since he had met the youkai Inuyasha had no desire to reciprocate. Okay, well to be perfectly honest he did want it, but to accept such a thing would be too pathetic…even for his and Sesshomaru's standards. He turned his head right before their lips met so that his stepbrother's velvety soft lips just barely grazed the side of his face. Now that was bad enough, but the youkai didn't pull away like he probably should have, but instead placed the softest kiss he had ever had on his cheek before pulling away.

 

Those tears that had been almost gone came back to his eyes, and he couldn't help but wipe them away in front of him. The last thing he wanted to do was look weak in his presence, and yet right now he probably looked like a scared little puppy dog. “You just told me to go sleep with someone else…” he whimpered. “How can you kiss me like that after telling me to be Naraku's fuck toy?”

 

The youkai glanced calmly foreword and stared into his eyes in thought. Though before long it seemed thinking wasn't really cutting it for him, because he made a quick grab for the back of Inuyasha's legs, picking him up and making sure they were wrapped around his waist. Inuyasha wanted to fight against it, really he did, but he wasn't given much of a choice because he was rather hurriedly thrown onto the bed and crawled on top of.

 

Sesshomaru kept him pinned down onto the mattress, and no matter how hard he struggled under the weight of his older stepbrother he couldn't seem to get himself free. Though that's not to say he didn't try. His claws lashed out many a times before the youkai realized it would probably be best to pin them down, and his white kimono was now stained with rivulets of red from where numerous cuts and scrapes were dripping onto him.

 

“Inuyasha calm down.” A hand flew to his hair, tilting his face up so that their faces were practically touching, and at seeing those piercing eyes so close to him his body immediately seemed to turn into a pile of goo. “Relax Dagger, and I'll explain everything.”

 

It was like even though his mind was screaming against it, his body couldn't help but respond to every one of Sesshomaru's commands. Without even realizing what he was doing, he had completely melted into the futon and was now looking up in eager anticipation for an explanation that would most likely not make him feel any better.

 

A warm nose nuzzled into the side of his face, and stayed there just taking whiff after whiff of his slowly fading scent. “I never wanted you to sleep with Naraku…the very thought of it makes me crazy but…” And this is where something very strange happened. Sesshomaru lightly bit the point on his neck at the juncture of his shoulder, and Inuyasha lost it. It had meant to be a tease, but the minute those teeth touched that place his body responded in a most unusual way.

 

Every ounce of him filled with complete and utter pleasure. Fire consumed his veins, and his head became a complete and utter swirling mass of nothingness. No thoughts could get through this haze…nothing could. His back arched up the ground, and his body started to convulse in release. A scream erupted from his throat at the pure ecstasy of it as he road out his completely unexpected orgasm.

 

He was still slightly shaking even after he had finished and he was feeling slightly more sticky for the wear…That and very very confused. Why had that happened? Inuyasha looked to Sesshomaru for answers, but the cause of such an unexpected turn of events was staring down at him in complete and utter shock. For the first time since he had met him Sesshomaru didn't look in control, and not only that but he looked scared…scared to death.

 

“Sesshomaru what…” He was going to ask what happened, or maybe even what was wrong, but he never got to ask either, because his stepbrother quickly interrupted with.

 

“I have to go.” Before Inuyasha could even protest he was out of the bed and on his way to the door. It took the hanyou's mind a couple seconds to comprehend what had just happened, but once it did he responded just as fast.

 

He rushed towards the quickly escaping youkai and grabbed his arm. “Wait…you can't leave!” The catch on his arm made Sesshomaru stop, but it still had yet to get him to turn around. “You have to stay with me.” At those words it seemed that any inhibitions he had were sliced to smithereens at those words, because he turned around, and in an instant he had Inuyasha in his arms.

 

Sesshomaru passionately crushed their lips together, and with just as much vigor slammed Inuyasha against the wall, makings sure to never break their connection. It was like the youkai was drinking him in, and the harder they kissed, the harder he grinded their bodies together.

 

A lecherous moan escaped Inuyasha's throat when he felt the hard bulge sticking into his thigh…the bulge that was meant entirely for him. Sesshomaru broke away from his lips, and when he did the hanyou took a deep breath, refilling his lungs of the desperately needed oxygen that he had been lacking. As soon as it did though, Sesshomaru seemed to find a new use for those torturous lips, and that use was to sensuously suck on his neck. Inuyasha's legs were getting weak, so weak in fact that they gave out underneath him when Sesshomaru harshly bit him underneath his chin.

 

His body slid down for long enough that he had the chance to rip Sesshomaru's kimono apart, but then he was forcibly pulled back up and his legs were wrapped around the youkai's waist as his stepbrother supported them both.

 

“I want you Dagger, and I'll have you…I'll have you forever.” Hands delved into his clothing, touching any skin they could find as they did so, effectively searing it beyond repair. “I tried.” While saying this he bit his puppy dog ear hard enough to draw blood, and yet it still felt heavenly. “I tried so hard, but I can't…I can't stay away from you.” Sesshomaru sounded half crazed, but he couldn't really care about that right now, because he felt just the same way.

 

“You're my mate Inuyasha. What happened before only proves it...so let's make it official.” His heart sped up to an alarming rate at that. Mates? A surge of pleasure went through him at just the thought. Well it could have been that, or the fact that Sesshomaru's hand had just wrapped around his cock.

 

His hand moved in slow languid strokes that seemed to drive him more insane than anything else. They drove him so insane that he didn't even feel his claws started to contract, or feel his fangs leave him. As a matter of fact he was so distracted that he didn't even notice his ears turn human, or his hair black. He didn't notice any of this…but Sesshomaru did. Sesshomaru noticed just as his fangs touched the spot on his shoulder that drove him crazy, and he had a feeling that this time it wasn't a tease.

 

Sadly though it didn't matter what it was, because it never happened. As soon as the moon came out, any desire to mark him seemed to fade with it. Sesshomaru pulled away from him to examine the obvious change. One of his clawed hands reached out and took a tuft of hair to study. “You really do become human.” Despite the circumstances, Inuyasha couldn't help but scowl at that. It had been a bluff…and he had fallen for it.

 

That wasn't what was important now though. What was important was what Sesshomaru thought of his transformation. Blushing from the scrutiny he was under, Inuyasha quickly looked away from the golden eyes that couldn't stop staring at his changes. He had lived the kind of life that he never really had a reason to hate his heritage, but he hated it now. “Umm yeah.” He nervously mumbled out. “I'm sorry.” He lamely finished, not even knowing what he was even apologizing for. Strike that, he had every idea about what he was apologizing for. Sesshomaru hated humans, and as such, in this form he would hate him as well.

 

He shut his eyes in humiliation as he thought about how in about two seconds time his stepbrother would probably throw him out in disgust of who he was and never want to see him again. He dreaded it, but he braced himself anyways. He braced himself for something that would never come.

 

Sesshomaru slowly brought Inuyasha's face back to the front, and once it was he had no choice but to open his eyes. Once he did though he wished that he could just shut them and go back in time before he had ever transformed.

 

The youkai wasn't staring at him in hatred, and you could only see a little revulsion in them, but the biggest tragedy of all was the lack of the previous lust that appeared in his golden depths. No, he was no longer that crazy sex craved animal, but he was back to being the cold and stoic ice prince that he normally is.

 

“Don't be sorry Inuyasha.” His voice was completely calm and it seemed to fill the hanyou with a sense of overwhelming despair. “This is perfect actually…It's just what I wanted.”

 

Okay now he was confused. “It is?” He asked. Truthfully he had no idea why this is what his almost lover wanted. This should disgust him, not make him horny, and yet he seemed to be backing him further and further towards the futon. He only stopped when the back of his knees hit the mattress, and once there he just stared up at Sesshomaru.

 

Inuyasha had no idea what was going to happen, or for that matter why the spell he seemed to be on every time he was around Sesshomaru was broken. All he knew was that when the youkai reached out to stroke his cheek it felt really good, and yet…not the same.

 

Golden eyes looked questioningly into golden eyes. “Why doesn't it feel the same?” The hand on his cheek moved to his lips, outlining each one perfectly.

 

“You're human Dagger. The youkai bond is broken for tonight.” Inuyasha gasped in surprise as he was suddenly scooped up bridal style. When he looked up in astonishment at recent events, the youkai just gave him a small smirk. “I guess that just means I'll have to work extra hard.”

 

Even in this situation Inuyasha couldn't help but smile. Sesshomaru was being so…so…sweet. He leaned forward tasting the youkai's lips yet again, and loving how their tongues slid together almost perfectly as they continued a steady rhythm. He was only faintly aware of being laid on the mattress, and even less still of the rest of his clothes being slipped off of him, but he did notice the moment their chests met, and such an act caused a whimper to escape his ningen throat.

 

Sesshomaru's wandering hands soon found his chest as they teasingly played with a nipple, slowly rolling the stub back and forth between his index finger and thumb. The act sent a wave of heat towards his groan, and he couldn't help but arch into the pleasure as the demon's mouth his ear.

 

He was aware of moaning Sesshomaru's name over and over as that hand slid further down to be replaced by those wondrous lips, but that was about all he was comprehending. The heat in his body was overwhelming and if he wasn't sated soon he was afraid that he might just burn up. It wasn't a bad way to go though. He would actually welcome it if it meant that Sesshomaru could continue touch him.

 

A hand lightly teased at his member, stroking the head ever so gently as his mouth moved to join it. That teasing though was enough to make him crazy. “Sessh…more.” The room was almost pitch black from the lack of usual light from the moon, and he could only make out faint shadows of what was happening from the light of the stars. He had no doubt in his mind though that Sesshomaru could see perfectly…demons always did have impeccable sight.

 

He drew in a shaky breath as Sesshomaru's tongue lightly swirled around the tip of his penis, making him almost willing to beg for him to finish him off. Anything was better than how he was licking him up and down like he was some sort of lollipop.

 

His cock was already leaking with precum, the substance that Sesshomaru seemed to enjoy licking up rather a lot. Though he didn't lick all of it, some he used to coat his fingers.

 

Inuyasha strained his eyes as he struggled to see what it was Sesshomaru was doing, and what he saw only made his cock twitch with anticipation. His lover's fingers were coated with the pearly white substance, and he held them up as he looked up at him in speculation.

 

“Have you ever been with anyone Dagger?” The question was asked with a definite jealous undertone, and Inuyasha knew what his answer had to be without even stopping to think about it.

 

“No. Not until now…not until you.” Apparently that was the right answer, because Sesshomaru leaned down, connected their lips with a heated kiss. He held him close with one arm, as the other one maneuver itself into the position just between his legs, and while he was distracted with the kiss, pushed one finger into his tightly constricted entrance.

 

Inuyasha broke their kiss, pulling away and hissing in pain as the foreign object entered his body. Its presence felt uncomfortable, and his body's first reaction was to dispel what was causing it such awkwardness. He wasn't allowed to pull away though, because Sesshomaru's arm around him kept him close and in place. His lover stroked his back reassuringly as he leaned into his ear. “Shh…it'll get better.” He continued to whisper assurances into his ear, and as he did that finger began to move.

 

At first the friction inside of him kind of hurt, but then the hand Sesshomaru was using to hold him traveled back down to his member and everything began to change. His lover set a rhythm to synchronize both sources of his pleasure, and soon Inuyasha was moaning rather heatedly with the feel of it all. He even screamed when Sesshomaru hit a spot inside of him that seemed to make stars explode in front of his vision.

 

Sesshomaru smirked in pride at what he had accomplished and used this as an opportunity to add another finger to the hanyou's already withering body. The second digit didn't hurt near as much as the first, in fact he bucked into it as they continued to thrust in and out of his body. His mewling noises were becoming increasingly loud the closer and closer he got, and when Sesshomaru started to do scissor like motions inside his body he knew that he wouldn't be able to hold on much longer.

 

His lover seemed to realize this too, because the fingers soon retracted, causing Inuyasha to admit a rather loud protest. Sesshomaru met his mouth in a kiss, and as he did he felt his rather large member poking at his entrance and knew that he was definitely not going to get left out to dry this time.

 

“I want you to scream for me.” Was whispered into his ear right before Sesshomaru entered him with one fast thrust. It hurt like no other pain he had ever felt, and he damned his human form for its lack of pain tolerance. Sesshomaru wanted him to scream, well he wasn't about to disappoint.

 

He screamed at the top of his lungs as it felt like his insides had just been shredded. His claws dug into the mattress as that scream he had been commissioned for was swallowed up.

 

Sesshomaru's breathing had become haggard, and his eyes were shut tight as he sat sheathed on top of him. It seemed that he also needed some time to get his bearings. “You. Are. So. Tight….it feels…mmm” He finished in a moan, and after leaning completely on top of him started to rock his hips so that he moved inside his body.

 

At first the movements were slow, and the rhythm was uneasy, but the faster he went, the more his sanity seemed to waver, and soon he was thrusting with all he had all the while with Inuyasha moaning like a whore underneath him.

 

Every time he thrust, Sesshomaru would seem to angle himself just to the right spot to hit his prostate, and each time his body would explode in pleasure. His legs were lifted so that they laid on Sesshomaru's shoulders as he positioned himself for a deeper thrust.

 

Inuyasha had never felt anything like this in his life, and judging from the noises Sesshomaru was making he hadn't either. With every thrust he could feel himself getting closer and closer to the edge, and yet with it he felt a deep longing for something he couldn't place. That longing was soon forgotten though when Sesshomaru's hand found its way in-between them and started to stroke his cock in time with each one of his thrusts.

 

His arms wrapped around his lover's shoulders and his fingernails dug into Sesshomaru's back as his world seemed to explode in pleasure as cried out his lover's name and came between their two stomachs. With a couple more sticky thrusts, Sesshomaru soon came after, and they continued to move at their same pace as they both rode out the last traces of their orgasms together.

 

Spent, Sesshomaru collapsed on top of the hanyou, breathing deeply into the base of his ear as he tried to still his body. Inuyasha's breaths were coming out just as haggard, and yet he didn't seem to care. He was wrapped in Sesshomaru's arms and they had just made love…or came as close to making love as they could probably ever muster…he had never been happier.

 

He smiled up at his lover, and his smile only grew as the youkai leaned down to give him a sloppy kiss. This was bliss, this was heaven, this was a utopia. He had never felt at peace on one of these nights, and yet now, now he felt like not even the strongest demon could touch him. That wasn't all he felt though. No, he felt something much more dangerous. Whenever their lips met his heart seemed to swell in pure undaunted admiration…admiration he could come close to describing as love.

 

Love…the very word sent a shiver down his spine. He wasn't supposed to fall in lover, and especially not Sesshomaru, for he knew that no matter how hard he tried his stepbrother was probably the one person that could never love him back. But just because he couldn't love him, didn't mean that Inuyasha couldn't try to be as close as possible to the one who had given him such unbridled happiness.

 

Sesshomaru broke apart from their kiss, pulling his mouth away so that Inuyasha's now rested on his chin. “Sessh…” He mumbled, still have euphoric from his recent activity. “We should definitely do this more often.”

 

It had meant to be a joke, just a sentence to break the comfortable silence in the room, but of course Sesshomaru had to turn it into so much more than that. Pulling away from their embrace, the youkai turned on his side, pulling the fur covers over his shoulder. “We'll only be coupling on the nights of the new moon, so get used to it, and go to sleep.” Sesshomaru stated and a cold and curt business like voice that left no room for argument, and yet that's exactly what he wanted to do.

 

“What the hell do you mean?” The hanyou pushed himself up on his elbows, trying to look over Sesshomaru's body to try to catch his eye. He couldn't be serious about only sleeping together on the nights he was human. For one thing it didn't even make any sense, and for another it was just completely unfair.

 

He had thought he had been pretty specific when he had asked his question, but unfortunately all the youkai responded with was. “I meant just what I said. Us being together on the nights when you're weak will suffice. Now I'm only letting you sleep in here because I don't want anyone to see your condition, but I'm not about kicking you out of the mansion and letting you fend for yourself if you don't lay down and be quiet.”

 

Inuyasha was hurt, pissed, confused, and murderous all at the same time, but his pissed off nature won out like usual. “Tell me Sesshomaru when did you completely loose your soul, or did you even have one to begin with?”

 

Huffing he pulled the silk sheets around his waist, and made a move to roll out of bed, but Sesshomaru wrapped an arm around his waist just before he could leave. “I gave you what you wanted of me, so tell me mutt what is it that you're asking of me now?”

 

“How bout some goddamn compassion!” He barked out, and struggled as hard as he could to get out of his bastard of a lover's grasp. “Did you think that I'd be perfectly peachy with being with you only once a month? What was all of that shit about us being mates?” He mocked in a condescending manner. “If we're supposed to be together forever than it's gonna be a pretty shitty relationship don't yeh think?”

 

At that Sesshomaru sat up with him, turning to face the scowling human. “Mate with you?...Don't make me laugh.” His lip curled into a half smirk as he preceded to pretty much rip Inuyasha's heart from his chest and piss on it. “My blood does call for your Dagger, but I would never lower myself to mate with just a half breed.” He coldly bit out. “I took you this night because your human side repulses me just enough for me to never want to mate with you, and that is the reason I will only be with you on these nights.” The youkai grabbed Inuyasha's chin, pulling his face closer to his own. “Are you happy now Inuyasha that you know the truth? Does it make you feel better knowing that you could never truly be anything more to me than a good fuck? Consider this a lesson in life mutt, the truth is not always the best thing in the world to hear.”

 

Inuyasha sat there stunned, never thinking any words could hurt so very much. It felt like his soul had been sucked out of his body, and now it left him feeling empty…more than that though he felt dead inside. Tears fell in heavy amounts unnoticed down his cheeks as he tried to wake himself up. After all this couldn't have really happened. No one was that cruel. But as he stared up into those callous eyes he knew for certain that it was real, and that the master of cruelty was definitely the demon sitting in front of him.

 

“Have you always hated me this much?” When his stepbrother wiped his tears away with his free hand it only seemed to make it hurt more, and when he placed those tear stained fingers in his mouth a strangled cry left his throat.

 

“Don't take it personally Dagger, I hate all your kind.” He turned his face away, much to embarrassed and hurt to ever be able to take seeing that mocking face. “If it makes you feel any better of all the half breeds I've met I enjoy you the most. Hell I even bedded you.” Sesshomaru once more turned his face towards him. “But it was never going to be love Inuyasha. I can't love anyone, and I especially can't love someone like you.”

 

Inuyasha's eyes were now much to clouded over to be able to see anything, and for that he was grateful. That meant that he wouldn't have to see the rejection in Sesshomaru's eyes. He cursed the day his father ever brought home that whore of a wife and introduced this monster into his life.

 

“I hate you.” He hissed with as much venom as he could muster, which considering his broken heart it wasn't very much.

 

“Oh come on Dagger we both know that's not true.” Dagger? Dagger! How could he still call him a name with such sentimentality after he had just done this?

 

“Don't call me that!” He screeched. This wasn't fair! Why couldn't he be happy! Was his life really such a cursed existence that the first shred of true happiness he had ever experience was to be ripped out of his hands only moments after he had first experienced it.

 

“Or you'll do what…leave me?” Sesshomaru shot back. “You know you won't. You belong to me.” He shook his head no, even though as he was doing he knew it held no real conviction. “Just because you've lost all your youkai senses, it doesn't mean that I've lost mine. I can feel your love and desire for me still radiating off you. You won't leave me, because it would kill you to do so.”

 

Despite how much he wanted to call him a liar, his mouth wouldn't let him do so. Because deep down in his broken heart he knew that it was true. Even though he felt like stabbing his stepbrother in the chest, he knew that if he did he would die right along with him. Who knew that this night would turn out to be so complicated?

 

A whimper escaped his throat as his lips were pulled towards Sesshomaru's, and it felt like he might die with that kiss. His lover kneaded their lips together, seemingly oblivious of the fact that Inuyasha wasn't kissing back. Inuyasha felt like dead weight as he was pushed back onto the bed.

 

Sesshomaru continued to kiss him until he felt his body respond, and he timidly began to kiss back. This lasted until at least his body fell into a relaxed state, and once it did the youkai pulled away and curled him up into his chest.

 

“I am sorry for my harsh words Dagger. I never meant to upset you like this. I had wanted this night to be special for you.” Inuyasha said nothing as his hair was tenderly stroked. “It's the human side of you that's making you so emotional pet, trust me you'll feel better in the morning.” Inuyasha numbly nodded against the chest in which his hair was nestled, but he had never agreed with anything less. He knew that tomorrow wouldn't bring sunshine and happiness. He would wake up just as miserable as when he went to sleep, but he was too tired to fight, and he couldn't help but take a little comfort in the gentle way Sesshomaru was handling him. He knew in his head that it was all a big lie, but tonight had meant more to him than anything else in his life, and so he figured that just this one time he could lie to himself. So he did, he allowed himself to fall asleep nestled against a lie, all the while trying to ignore a hurt that was so deep he knew that if he were to follow the tunnel in his heart he would reach China.

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A.N- God I think I'm gonna cry. Sesshomaru's a bastard! I had meant this to be happy, but then I thought about it…Sesshomaru's not a nice person, and it had to follow my storyline, but that doesn't make it any less depressing. I feel so bad for poor Inu…but I promise eventually it will get better for him. I think it's just a fact that I can't write happy stories…I'm terrible. But anyways aside from the depressing aspect, how was it? I get really self conscious about my lemons, and so I would really like to hear some feedback about how the first one was…and oh yes there will be more…smirks evilly. Anyways please let me know what you think of the chapter and any suggestions would be welcome, so in other words REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW. And thanks so much to all of you that have read my fic, and to all my reviewers…You guyz mean so much to me, so thanks again…bye-byez