InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ We Will Become Silhouettes ❯ Alone Forever ( Chapter 23 )

 

 

We Will Become Silhouettes

 

 

Chapter 23: Alone Forever

 

“Look into my eyes.” Was the haunting command given, and as Inuyasha silently obeyed, he couldn't help but gasp at the intense burning in those golden depths. How long had it been? …Oh, how he had missed this.

 

“…Sesshomaru.” He half whined, staring up at his lover as the moonlight basked in its ethereal glow behind them. A perfect sight, he leaned up, letting his clawed fingers trace through the hair that never felt like anything but silk. He envied that trait about his stepbrother, among many others, no matter what he was doing; he could always manage to look perfectly groomed.

 

“Do you long for me, my Dagger?” Fine lips came down then, barely ghosting over his bare collarbone, teasing him with the intense pleasure that could only come from the creature that had claimed him body and soul.

 

“More than anything.” Inuyasha moaned, not holding anything back, telling his soul's mate the things he could never express if he wasn't in such a vulnerable position. Clawed hands traveled down his body then, and the hanyou didn't even think twice as they trailed over his pert nipples, gasping as Sesshomaru leaned in then, taking one nub into his mouth, and swirling it with his perfect tongue.

 

Pleasure shot down his spine, making his toes curl with it as he felt blood begin to pool in the one place he desired to be touched more than anything else. He needed that feeling, craved it above all others, because that was the only way he could feel anything at all. He was dead until that moment Sesshomaru first laid his hands on him.

 

“What do you miss most Dagger? …Is it my lips?” He kissed him then, saying the next words against the hanyou's mouth. “My tongue?” His tongue sneaked its way in then, dancing with Inuyasha's own as Sesshomaru entwined his fingers with the hanyou's, leading it towards his hardness. “Or is it my…”

 

Growling, Inuyasha forced Sesshomaru's hand away before he could continue, smirking as he looked up into those cold golden eyes that seemed molten at times like these. “Your misunderstanding.” He teased, shifting his body so that it once more moved against his lover's need.

 

“Is that right?” Sesshomaru's deep voice moaned above him, reaching in-between their bodies to fist both hot members in his hand. Just the feel of his hardness against his own was almost enough to make him lose his mind.

 

“…More.” He moaned out shamelessly, bucking up against the body atop him that had made him cry out in ecstasy so many times before. He needed that; he needed to feel that moment of completion when they were one with each other, if only for those few short seconds. …If only it could be like that always.

 

“Tell me what it is you want?” Inuyasha's eyes rolled to the back of his head when that hand began to move, sending hot pleasure through his shaft, making it explode up his body as his claws shred their sheets to ribbons.

 

He hated this part of their game, but Sesshomaru was always a twisted bastard when it came to their time between the sheets, and so he knew he wasn't getting out of it…not until he said it, not until he succumbed. “Inside…I want you in me.”

 

Once more claiming his lips, Sesshomaru lowered himself fully on top of the smaller body beneath his, hands coming to rest between those luscious legs that were already shaking with need. Shutting his eyes, Inuyasha tried not to whimper as a finger swirled around his puckered entrance, already somehow wet and begging.

 

Pulling away, Sesshomaru nuzzled into his neck, kissing the mark that sent sparks behind his eyes. “I will take you…over and over again, but…” His lover's voice paused then, just like the finger tempting him did.

 

“But?” Inuyasha rasped, not thinking he could take anymore teasing, he throbbed with need, and he had to have Sesshomaru inside of him now. Slowly, his eyes slid open, meeting ones almost identical to his own, and he reveled in how they seemed to mirror his pleasure within them.

 

Placing one more kiss on his lips, those eyes turned almost sorrowful, as a hand came out to stroke the downy ears atop his head. “…Not yet.”

 

“Not yet?” Inuyasha asked, but at that moment it was a moot point, because his lover was gone, and with that, his eyes began to fill with white.

 

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

“GOD DAMMIT!!!!” The hanyou yelled, shooting up in bed and grabbing the painful hard-on between his legs. Not again! This couldn't keep happening! Ever since Sesshomaru had left, his dreams had been plagued by him constantly, only this time he didn't wake up to find the real thing waiting for him between his legs. No, this time the real thing was hundreds of miles away, fighting a war he had caused, and they weren't even together. …They hadn't even forgiven each other yet!

 

Growling, Inuyasha swung his legs over the bed, refusing to touch himself like some whimpering puppy. He would get over this his own way, and if that meant jumping into an icy river than so be it! Maybe he could scare it away! …Looking down at the tent between his legs, Inuyasha almost said `Boo' but then realized, with some sadness, that that was the hiccups.

 

Cursing, Inuyasha strolled slowly over to his closet, fighting everything within him not to limp. It had been almost three months since his `accident' and yet his wounds weren't completely healed yet. …It had been two months since he had even seen his mate…owner…whatever Sesshomaru was to him now.

 

Whichever one he was, Inuyasha couldn't help but think that these nightly dreams were somehow his fault. He didn't know how, as a matter of fact the idea was quite preposterous, but if there was someway to torture him he was sure it was Sesshomaru's fault. The evil little bastard was probably doing this to make him suffer, to make him long to see him again, which was exactly what it was doing. Every day they had to be apart was agony, and the dreams were beginning to last longer, and in them the anger that had blinded him wasn't even present. He saw no darkness when he looked upon that kind face in his dreams, it only illuminated light.

 

Grabbing a robe, Inuyasha headed out of the room, closing his eyes as he thought of all the ugliest things imaginable…Miroku in a dress, sleeping with Miroku…toad demon…sleeping with a toad demon in a dress…that did it.

 

Sighing in content, the hanyou prince headed to get some breakfast. He would have to eat quick and then get to his duties. He had no idea how difficult taking care of the lands could be, especially during the warring period they were in right now. He would constantly have to approve for more rations to be sent to the troops, deal with the lands the soldiers owned, go through countless military procedures…and he had once actually yelled at Sesshomaru for not letting him do this mundane work.

 

He gave a smile at the memory, that had been just before their first time together…not that that was of course a particularly kind experience. That had been the time Sesshomaru had pity fucked him in his human form, being so repulsed by him that he couldn't stomach the will to mark him. He had told him they would only be together on the new moons to avoid problems. In some ways he wondered if that would have been better. If they hadn't mated in the first place would any of this have even happened? Would Sesshomaru be off fighting a war against his rapist? Would he have almost died?

 

The marks over his abdomen burned with the memory of his time in those dungeons. He called to Sesshomaru then, as he did every time he was in trouble, and his `prince' had come to save him. He had come to his rescue after putting him in the situation in the first place. Though that wasn't entirely accurate, Inuyasha had gone there in spite. He had gone not knowing what had transpired between Naraku and Sesshomaru, not completely anyways. He gone there thinking that Naraku had wanted to sleep him, and not his older `brother.'

 

Sesshomaru had been beyond cruel, but they both had hands in the ending of their sordid affair. They both hurt each other, only in different ways. The inu-youkai had promised he would change. He had swore to Inuyasha before he left that it would different, and he hoped beyond anything that that was true, only he had gone right after that, and so Inuyasha had had nothing to back up that statement. All that he had beside him in bed now was his own loneliness, instead of the comforting body that had soothed him so many times before.

 

“Inuyasha! There you are!” The hanyou in question's eyes flittered upwards to catch the smiling face of Miroku. He barely held back a groan. Not to say he wasn't happy to see his friend, but him and Kagome had been around constantly since the army had departed. It was almost as if they thought he needed a babysitter. They tiptoed around him as if he were made as porcelain, as if with one wrong step he would realize just what had happened to him and jump off the nearest balcony in shame and degradation. …It really was beginning to be a pain in his ass.

 

“Come for breakfast Monk?” He asked, knowing that that wasn't the reason he had come at all, though the castle food was nothing to snub at. As a matter of fact even now his mouth was starting to salivate at the smell of roasted pork coming from the kitchen.

 

“Yes, well you know I can never resist passing up a meal.” Inuyasha scoffed, knowing it was true, though usually his free meals included free women. …It must irk him terribly to know that the only tail he would be getting here was the one still attached to the rabbit they were serving.

 

“So where's the wench and her mangy wolf?” He asked, sinking into his seat and biting back the wince such an action invoked with expert ease. It would do no good to show weakness, he was a leader after all, and he didn't want to give them any more reason to look at him with that pitying gaze.

 

Sinking down beside him, Miroku immediately grabbed at the chopsticks, digging into the teriyaki noodles that had been set out in front of him, talking between mouthfuls. “They'll be here soon.” He mumbled out, leaving Inuyasha to stare on in disgust as some of the food slipped down over his chin, spilling down his robe. …And people accused him of eating sloppily!

 

The door opened behind him, giving way to their arrival. “Keh, well if it isn't the two annoyances now.” He grumbled, expecting to receive a whack to the back of the head from Kagome…a blow that never came. He looked over to Miroku who was staring at the doorway in surprise, and wanting to see what was up, he turned himself, only to see that it wasn't Kagome and Kouga standing in the doorway.

 

“Who are you?” He asked in suspicion, abandoning his meal to stare in distrust at the fox demon standing in front of him. He vaguely remembered seeing him before, and yet he had never been introduced. Though it had been with his father, so maybe this was a member of the army? The thought immediately sent warning signals through his mind. “Did my father send you? Has something happened!?”

 

He stood then, suddenly assuming the worse. Miroku was up right with him, and before he knew it he had a comforting hand on his shoulder. …Apparently he didn't look very contrite about such news. “It's alright Inuyasha, he probably just came with a progress report…he was the one that helped Sesshomaru get you better.”

 

At that, Inuyasha's eyes immediately narrowed to slits. Sesshomaru get him better? Who was this? “Who are you?” He asked yet again, this time putting a lot more force behind his words, hands clenching furiously at his side.

 

“My name's Shippou. I'm a captain in the army and Lord Sesshomaru's personal aid.” Without even realizing it a growl had erupted from his chest. His personal aid? Inuyasha stared at the young youkai in front of him with hatred, looking the fox up and down and noticing his fiery orange hair, and his almost child like appearance. Why would Sesshomaru choose this kid as his aid?

 

“Why are you here?” Inuyasha had heard tell of this kid, who was probably the same age as him; he had been the only one who could approach Sesshomaru. He had touched his comatose mate and hadn't died…apparently he knew him from the past. A past Inuyasha knew very little about was not something he wanted standing right in front of him with possible bad news about the love of his life.

 

“Relax Inuyasha, I'm just here on Sesshomaru's orders.” He raised an eyebrow, wondering what possible reason the inu could have had to send him here.

 

“Why?” He asked yet again, walking slowly towards Shippou, distrust still very evident in his eyes.

 

“He wishes for me to look after you.” Inuyasha's claws dug into his fist, not believing the words he was hearing. Just what was going through his stepbrother's head?

 

“I don't need a guard.” He growled out, taking another step forward, ignoring Miroku's motion for him to come back. “Why did he send you?” He wasn't sure, but just sight of this demon made his blood boil, perhaps it was because he was so close to the mate that was so far away from him.

 

“It is the new moon, Inuyasha, Lord Sesshomaru does not wish for you to be unguarded.” Taking a deep breath, it took everything within Inuyasha to keep his temper at bay, but in the end he wasn't sure he did that good a job at even that.

 

“Well you can go back and tell Lord Sesshomaru that if he wants me to be guarded, he can come and do it himself, otherwise I'll be just dandy.”

 

“Don't be irrational, my lord, he only wishes the best for you. He has been worried for you; his dreams are plagued by nightmares. He tosses and turns in his sleep, calling for you.” Inuyasha realized the fox had said all that to make him feel better, but it had really done the exact opposite, because instead of calming his fury, the thought that this bastard knew what Sesshomaru looked like when he was sleeping only proved to infuriate him more, and this time he couldn't hold his temper in check.

 

Rushing forward, Inuyasha's claws closed around the fox youkai's throat, slamming him up against the wall as growled as he marveled at the fear in the other's face. “Unless you're fighting next to him in battle, don't go near my mate!” He closed his eyes, cursing to himself at his slip up, and from the feminine gasp he heard from the doorway it seemed that Kagome had noticed his slip-up as well. Sesshomaru wasn't his mate…and he had just said the one thing he had been avoiding at all costs.

 

Not paying attention to the body he had pressed against the wall, Inuyasha was caught off guard by the two hands that connected to his chest, spewing out a bit of fox fire and forcing him away so that he skidded across the floor. Inuyasha had anticipated Shippou would try to escape, he just didn't realize that when he did it would hurt quite as bad.

 

Gasping from the pain now searing through his wounds, Inuyasha doubled over, cursing himself yet again because this was yet another thing he had been trying to avoid at all costs. Every one else had thought he was better, only him and the healers knew of the infection inside that refused to leave, or the last traces of poison from Naraku's miasma that was slowly destroying his blood cells. Only he had known, but as he couldn't fight off the urge to cough any longer, every one else found out as well by the sick spew of blood that fell from his mouth.

 

“Inuyasha!” Kagome yelled, rushing over to him just as he fell over and almost face planted with the floor. Trying to get control of himself, Inuyasha wiped the blood onto his sleeve, pointedly ignoring the looks of horror mirrored on the room's inhabitant's faces.

 

Looking up, he caught sight of Shippou, who looked like he was about to be hanged, and if word got back to Sesshomaru that he was the cause of this, that was probably not far from the truth…oh shit…he forgot.

 

“Don't you dare tell him!” He snarled out, he could handle these vultures of pity knowing about his condition, what he couldn't handle was Sesshomaru thinking he was any less weak than what he was. He wouldn't make his lover worry, because then he might make a mistake, and he wouldn't allow the youkai to tarnish his perfect record because of him!

 

“Dog Breath, what's wrong with you? The doc said you were better.” Kouga asked, reaching out a hand and hauling the hanyou to his feet. Yes…the doctor, it was amazing the lies you could get away with when you controlled the western lands.

 

“I am fine. His hit just packs a bigger punch than you would think.” He replied, never taking his eyes off of Shippou, who looked like he wanted to bolt. “Don't worry about it fox, just go back to where you came from and we'll forget it ever happened.”

 

“Your wounds…you realize what could happen when you turn human.” Once again Inuyasha glared, because yes he knew, but that didn't mean he needed the other three in the room to know. Hell they hardly left him alone as it was.

 

“I'm perfectly aware of the situation and I can handle it by myself, so go back to your Lord, because everything is under control.”

 

“No it's not!” Kagome shot out immediately, glaring at Inuyasha before turning to Shippou. “What could happen on his human night?” The hanyou rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as he realized there was no way he was getting out of this discussion.

 

“If his youkai blood isn't healing his injuries now, then the night without it would be excruciating, especially if he has an infection. He would defenseless.” Inuyasha watched crossly as Kagome placed a hand over her mouth in shock…he really wanted to deck this intruder.

 

“Like I said, it's a good thing I'm already handling it.” And he was, he had prepared a gag to clamp down on during the night so that he didn't scream out too much in pain and bite off his tongue. “So you can go.”

 

Shippou shook his head, planting himself firmly in the room. “Sesshomaru would skin me if I left you.”

 

“And I'll skin you if you don't.” He growled, not knowing how much more of this he could stand.

 

“Inuyasha just calm down.” Miroku tried, coming to stand next to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe you should just go lie down since you're not feeling all that well.”

 

The hanyou glowered, knowing that because of this his friends were going to treat him like he was even more fragile. “I'm fine Miroku, if you hadn't forgot I just woke up, and I have things to deal with.” He then turned back to Shippou, sending him the best death glare he could manage. “Either leave, or make yourself very scarce. I don't wanna see your face again.”

 

With that he turned on his heel and began to hobble to his chambers. He curtly ignored Kagome's cries for him to stop. He didn't want to talk right now, and he most certainly didn't want to talk with that devious fox in the room, not after the embarrassment he had just caused himself in front of the bastard.

 

After a brisk walk down the hall, where Inuyasha fought everything within him not to double over from the pain still coursing through his body from the minor wound Shippou had caused, the hanyou finally came upon his chambers, opening his door to see the mountain of paperwork that greeted him every morning upon his desk. It was like it never ended, it would take him hours sometimes to sort through it all, and then, like clockwork, the next day it would all be back again. When he really had to lead he would be sure to make Sesshomaru do all this, the snobby brat probably enjoyed it deep down anyways!

 

Sesshomaru…he still couldn't believe that the youkai had the nerve to send him a babysitter! He wasn't helpless, and he most certainly did not want one more person knowing about his ningen night then already did! What could be going through Sesshomaru's head?

 

He sighed in frustration, plopping down into his chair as he stared up at the foreboding paperwork just waiting to suck his soul. He couldn't believe he had behaved that way. To get so jealous over one of Sesshomaru's aides…it was sickening. He was pathetic! It was just, the dreams had been getting to him more and more lately, and at the mention that that fox brat was there to witness his lover's own dreams, did not sit well with him.

 

Though then again, what if Sesshomaru was sleeping with him…it's not as if he hadn't done as much before, and now Inuyasha would have no way of knowing, because their mark was just one sided. He truly couldn't blame the youkai though…after all who would want to cum inside an invalid who could barely walk from his chambers to the kitchen without getting completely exhausted?

 

Rubbing at the familiar ache in his stomach, Inuyasha realized, with some disappointment, that he never had gotten breakfast…not as much as he could eat anyways. He had left so abruptly, making his friends worry even more. It was bad enough that they already treated him like he could break at any moment; he didn't want to see any more pity in their gazes. He didn't want to be looked at anymore as weak, when he had fought his whole life to be strong.

 

Not bothering to look up, Inuyasha sighed a little when he heard the door begin to slide open, knowing it could only possibly be one person who had the nerve to enter after his tirade. …She always was too nosy for her own good.

 

“You could have been nicer you know.”

 

“Feh, I know.” He replied, never once looking up. He didn't want to see those eyes, that when angry, spoke of nothing but bad things to come.

 

“He was only trying to help…Sesshomaru was only trying to help.” That actual caused a cynical smile to come to his face.

 

“Actually sticking up for my dear step brother?” He asked sarcastically, tsking a little as he looked up to see Kagome's scowling face. Since Inuyasha had regained consciousness Kagome had spouted nothing except ill wishes upon Sesshomaru, telling him that there was no reason to dwell on the past, and that he shouldn't even consider being with such an evil beast. It was her that was the most adamantly opposed to any nice thing Inuyasha ever uttered about Sesshomaru as of late…as a matter of fact they all were. All except Miroku, who just took on a certain sadness whenever the youkai was mentioned, and so he was the one Inuyasha tried to speak around the least.

 

“Yes, well I can't condemn him when he decides to show some kindness.” Kagome fidgeted, looking away as if she was being forced to swallow the bitterest medicine imaginable. Inuyasha couldn't blame her; it must be hard to stick up for the person who nearly killed you. “Though just because he did a decent thing for once, doesn't mean he doesn't deserve getting thrown back in those dungeons the moment he gets back!”

 

“Does he now?” Inuyasha asked cruelly, giving Kagome a harsh gaze. “But tell me why he's the only one that deserves to be locked up, when I was the one who went to the enemy's bed?...Isn't that just as treasonous?”

 

Kagome said nothing to that, but then again what could she say? There was no defending Inuyasha's actions, just like there was no defending Sesshomaru's…and yet the inu-youkai was the only one getting punished when he had chosen to save Inuyasha from his own stupidity.

 

“I won't defend what he did Inuyasha!” Her conviction spoke volumes of her hatred towards his mate, and yet Inuyasha couldn't bring himself to give any reaction except a sad smile.

 

“I don't expect you to…I can't defend him either, but I still belong to him.”

 

“Through some stupid barbaric ritual that…”

 

He interrupted Kagome before she had a chance to continue. “Stupid as it is, it's a custom in youkai culture, and if Sesshomaru hadn't marked me like the asshole he is, then the bond between us would gone forever.”

 

“Oh come on Inuyasha! You can't seriously sit there and tell me that that sick mark is the same as a loving mating ritual!”

 

It was true, everything about what Kagome said was true, and yet… “It's all I have.” He closed his eyes, letting his head slump down into his hands. “Do you know what it's like to be in love with someone you should hate with all your heart?”

 

He could hear Kagome walk over then and lay a comforting hand upon his shoulder, a hand that took every effort within him not to bat away. “I don't…and I don't think anyone should have to know that pain, and I'm sorry. But please promise me you'll take care of yourself, and you won't let that pain that's literally eating away at your insides consume you completely.”

 

Not being able to speak, Inuyasha just gave a small nod, never once looking up until after he had heard the door quietly shut to let him know that he was alone once again. Alone…alone forever.

 

He didn't want to feel this loneliness anymore! He didn't want to lay awake in bed all night, hoping that for once his dreams would really be fulfilled and he would turn over to find a warm body sleeping next to his. He didn't want to wonder whether or not Sesshomaru was alive or dead, or if he found his body so repulsive that he had seek pleasure in another's arms. …He didn't want it to hurt anymore.

 

He wanted Sesshomaru.

 

But that was impossible, the one he sought was hundreds of miles away, and he was left to the paperwork. Sesshomaru had left him with a bodyguard for what could be the most painful night of his life, and apparently that was everything the inu-youkai could do, everything he was willing to do. Shaking his head, Inuyasha bit back that selfish thought. He knew that Sesshomaru could not abandon the war, and he didn't want him to.

 

He would not let his stepbrother abandon his lands for the sake of his selfishness. Inuyasha would not allow his father to be unprotected! But he knew he couldn't stay here any longer…it would drive him mad! He had to know…he had to see him! He would leave tonight, under the cover of darkness, and he would find his mate, and learn once and for all whether or not he could ever be forgiven!

 

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

 

 

A.N- Wow Omg is this a chapter to WWBS? That's craziness! And I know that this took FOREVER and wasn't even very long, but it had to be an in-between chapter to the next one…and I PROMISE you THAT will be a chapter you will like (winks at he devilishness) So please, I'm sorry for anyone who thought I abandoned this, and I beg you not to give up on me cuz I had terrble writers block and this was something that broke the ice…which gives me an excuse if it was bad LOL! Oh and as you can see my name has now changed from Previously_Recorded to Stina the Wicked…cuz it made me happy! Thanks so much for reading!

 

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