InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ What Are You? ❯ Chapter Twelve: Pool of Memories ( Chapter 12 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter Twelve

Pool of Memories

When I woke, Naraku was staring at me. He had the pendant on my necklace—the one that altered my voice—between two fingers. He was looking at me as if I were an insect under glass. I considered punching him, then decided against it. And if you think that that is rash, you try waking up to have a pair of eerie red eyes staring at you, particularly when they belong to someone with an equally eerie personality, combined with that he had once tried to kill you by absorbing you into his flesh, among other attempted things.

Instead I pried his fingers away from the pendant and let it thump back against my chest. I sat up, turning my back to him. My heat was over. We could kill them today. And we were going to. But first, I wanted to take a bath.

“What does your real voice sound like?” Naraku wondered suddenly.

I rose to my feet and glanced back at him. I myself had not heard my real voice in centuries. What did it sound like? Curious myself, I removed the necklace. I looked at the pendant for a moment, then back at Naraku. “Does it matter?” The sound of my own voice surprised me. It sounded similar to my “usual” voice, but that was all. The pitches and tones were much lighter, naturally. But they were both distinctly similar. I had forgotten that. It seems that I had forgotten many things. Unimportant and trivial as they were, I still felt something akin to loss at that, then the feeling was gone.

“Beautiful.” I moved to my discarded clothing and gathered them. I could come back for everything else later. I started to follow the scent to the bath house, then stopped and grabbed Tokijin. I didn't trust Naraku, regardless of anything that may have happened yesterday. He seemed to find that objectionable; I could tell by the disapproving scowl he was giving me. “Why don't you trust me? I could have killed you while you slept.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Why do you seem to trust me? I could have killed you too.”

But we hadn't. Not yet. For now, we both needed each other. By the end of the day, we wouldn't. And then it would be a showdown between the two of us. But for the time being, we both really were safe in each other's presence—safe enough, anyway. But I wasn't going to let my guard down, not even for a moment. He could be foolish if he desired to be.

Not caring if anyone saw me, I walked out into the hallway and wandered to the bath house. Kanna saw me, but the emotionless, lack-of-personality child wouldn't say anything even if it did interest her. And I doubted anything interested her. If I were emotionless, that would make her dead in comparison. I imagined that, if I were to slice her apart, she wouldn't even make a sound, and her facial expression wouldn't flicker for a moment. That was something I marveled at. I came close to such extremes, but in that respect, this incarnation beat me.

I helped myself to the bathing oil and soap that was in the bath house. They were there to be used, anyway. I took my time cleansing myself, washing off Naraku's scent, until I smelled purely like myself. I didn't notice my own smell; you grow accustomed to the distinct way you smell don't notice it, but I was told once that I smelled like dog, and something spicy. So, basically, I smelled like some kind of Chinese dish? The demon who had off-handedly mentioned that, so long ago, had become frightened that I was angry, and had apologized and tried to redeem herself. But I knew what she had meant. It was strange that I should think of so many arbitrary memories and stray thoughts at this crucial point in my life.

This was hardly the time to become reflective.

I moved my hand out of the water and picked up my necklace from the floor. I fingered the pendant for a moment. It sparkled in the light, the water adding to its luster. I slipped the chain back over my head. My neck felt odd without the slight weight of the necklace that I had grown so used to over all these years. I climbed out of the bath, water droplets dripping on the floor. I tossed my hair automatically, like a dog. It was a habit that came back when I was thinking about other things, sneaking up on me like a thief in the night. Too much time spent in my true form, I suppose.

I wondered how Rin was doing. After I had killed Inuyasha and Naraku, I would go back to her.

I toweled off, dressed (which is more difficult than it used to be; you try putting on an elaborate outfit with only one arm), and combed my hair. My hair was probably my favorite personal attribute.

Once, while my father and I were arguing after I had made the decision that I was really male at heart, he had pinned me in place and sliced off my hair at the nape of my neck. I had almost burst into tears at the sight of my beautiful hair lying on the floor. He had told me, in a scornful way, to “be a man.”

Since then, I had stubbornly let it grow out, and I had no intention of doing anything but trimming it. And if it grew so long that it trailed on the ground, so be it. But I was never going to cut it. Except, if it did that… Then it would be dirty. Maybe I would have to learn to braid with one hand. Or have Rin do it. She would love to. Except, a demon's hair grows fairly slowly. By the time it was that long, Rin would be nothing but a memory.

I felt a twinge of sadness before I came to realize something. There had been no pain when I thought of my father. It was just like any other memory, triggering no emotion at all. It was just as bland as any other pointless memory. I was elated. That was definitely an improvement from just a couple of days ago.

I touched the pendant again. Today. Today would be Inuyasha's last day of life. And he had no idea.

Naraku suddenly opened the door. I looked at him. He looked slightly disappointed that I was already dressed. “Indulge me--just once. Before we become enemies again.”

I frowned. What was he getting at? “What do you want now?” Then my gaze fell to the silken items he had in his hands. I struggled to control my body from trying to transform in response to my anger. It was a dress. A damned dress. Oh, gods, I was going to kill him. But not now. I could kill him later. In the meantime, though… “Naraku…” I growled.

“Humor me.”

“No,” I said flatly. My tone was meant to be perfectly clear that this would be the end of the conversation.

Naraku obviously noticed this, but ignored it. “Why not?” he demanded.

My face wanted to twist into a grimace, but I refrained. I pushed past him. “Never.”

He trailed after me. “But you'll look so… good in a dress.”

I had a sudden image of ripping his head off and sticking it on a pike while I roasted his body on a spit, knowing full well that he wouldn't die from something like that, so he could watch me doing it. I pushed the image aside and took a calming breath. It didn't really help though. “The idea sickens me,” I responded coldly.

Why was I always plagued with such utter morons?