InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ What Are You? ❯ Chapter Twenty-Five: Indecisive ( Chapter 25 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter Twenty-Five

Indecisive

Even though I was getting quite obviously pregnant, I stubbornly refused to wear women's clothing, despite Chiyouta's prodding. She called me a “stubborn woman” under her breath and somehow convinced me to swallow some concoction that tasted like a combination of boiled pig liver and some kind of ghastly flower. She said it was for my morning sickness. I wasn't so sure I believed it was so much for that as it was to keep me in a semi-sedated state.

After drinking it, I noticed that I was considerably calmer and relaxed. Furthermore, I was so calm and peaceful that even Jaken's voice didn't irritate me. That was when I knew for certain that it was a sedative, but I was so far under the drug's influence that I couldn't get up to rip out Chiyouta's throat, despite my desperate desire to do so.

The old healer sought to keep me asleep at least most of the time, but I would have none of it. Instead, I dumped out her latest brew—this time a tasteless herb in a tea—outside, making sure she saw me doing so.

I turned to her. “Chiyouata, you will only give me medication when I am in need of it, and you will tell me what it is, and all of the affects it has,” I growled, all too tired of all the herbs and medicine she had been stuffing down my throat, making me breathe, and so forth.

“You are in need of constant medication,” she informed me.

I stared at her flatly for a moment. “I am not so undisciplined as to harm myself or my child foolishly, and thus do not need to be constantly sedated.”

“I am more concerned that you will overexert yourself,” she said, continuing to grind her herbs. I rolled my eyes upwards, as if beseeching divine assistance. “If I was certain that you would not go gallivanting around the vicinity, then I wouldn't keep you sedated.”

“Are you referring to the past week?” I asked of her. A few days prior, a demon had ventured too close for my comfort, with Rin being about, and I had immediately taken off to kill it, much to the healer's chagrin.

“Yes,” she informed me. “Let Aun or one of the servants handle these sorts of problems.”

I disliked that idea, and she knew it—which was exactly why I had to be put to sleep or in a daze without cease. She dumped the ground herbs in a pot with water and set it over the fire. “The servants are incompetent, and Aun is not always around.” It was true enough. Ah and Un watched over Rin when she was outside, but they were not willing to leave her side to kill the demon unless the demon was an immediate threat. Because, in my current state, I viewed everything as a threat, I did not see their point of view.

She only sighed, but remained silent for a time. The water began to boil. She added something else to it. “I didn't want to tell you this, because it may worry you, but the real reason I keep you sedated is because a pup is growing weak.” I checked her eyes, making sure she wasn't lying. Chiyouta wasn't the type to lie, though. Not about something like this. “If you continue running around like a rabid dog, it will wear on your strength as well as the child's. While you recover more quickly, the child does not.” She looked at me, checking to see my reaction.

“It is only one of them, then?”

She nodded. “One is stronger than the other.” She frowned, looking at me curiously. “You do not care if one dies?”

How could she say that? Of course I cared. “They are both important to me.”

She seemed satisfied with my answer. She did something else to the boiling mixture. She stretched a rag over a bowl, using a wooden fixture to keep it in place. It reminded me of an embroidery ring. She poured the contents of the bowl over it. The liquid went through, but a sticky, brown mixture stuck to the rag. She disposed of the liquid, explaining, “The liquid is poison.” She scraped off the gooey mess. I realized that she was intent on forcing it down my throat and I began to prepare a speech of protest, then I remembered that this was for the pup. “This will restore the pup's health, but you have to eat all of it,” Chiyouta said as she scraped it into another boiling water mixture—this time the mixture was soup though. At least she wasn't intent on making me eat it as it was.

“Have you begun to think of names yet?”

“No,” I answered. Perhaps I should start doing that. What a tedious process, and kind of daunting too. There was a lot to a name. Should I choose something distinctly feminine, masculine, or give them both neutral names? What if they were both female, or both male? Should I choose two of each? Or should I choose two neutral names? I could just give them milk names until they chose their own. They could change their names if they wished, though. That didn't bother me. Why give them a milk name, then? Well, I could give them a milk name until their personalities began to develop, and then I could choose names for them based on that.

I drifted off into thought. I would choose the female first, then. Something feminine. Something if they were both female, or one was female… But I needed two names…

Maybe something similar, or with similar meanings? Hmm. But then, I worried that they may be perceived more as a unit than as individuals. No, they needed separate names with different meanings to set them apart from each other. Just because they were twins did not mean that they would be similar.

As I tried to concentrate on thinking of names, and didn't find any that I liked, I began to have second thoughts about naming them before I even knew them. I suppose, indecisive was the word. I was indecisive about everything, though, wasn't I? I may never show it, but it was true. I rarely doubted myself, but being indecisive was different. I just couldn't seem to make up my mind on things unless they were either dire or spur of the moment decisions. Once a decision was made, I stuck to it. It was coming to that conclusion that was difficult, though.

It really would be better for them as well as me if I waited until they were born. If I just waited until their personalities developed a bit, then I could base their names more off of themselves rather than my wish for them. That seemed better.

That was how I would have wanted it, anyway. I hoped that, one day, they would just be happy with my decision.

Chiyouta smiled at me, a bowl of steaming soup in her hands. I was less than thrilled.