InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Which Me Do You Know? ❯ Pushing Away and Breaking Away ( Chapter 10 )

Ch. 10: Pushing Away and Breaking Away…

 

The day after Inuyasha went after Niruko was painful for him; it was full of guilt and regret. Inuyasha couldn't stop wishing that when he'd tried to kill himself before that he would have succeeded. If I'd done myself in…life would be simpler for everyone else, Inuyasha thought. Dad wouldn't be so stressed, Sesshomaru wouldn't be sleepless, Rin wouldn't be scared to sleep at night, Niruko wouldn't have suffered, and Kikyo would still love me…

 

Inuyasha felt his depression deepen and a thick haze of blue emotion suffocated his mind. Suddenly, there was a light knocking at his bedroom door.

“Come in,” said Inuyasha, although he didn't want any visitors. Soon, he would find out that he really wouldn't want this visitor. It was Niruko.

 

“Niruko…sit down,” said Inuyasha excited. The sight of his love was slit through his depression and terminated the blue haze within his mind.

“Hi, Inuyasha,” said Niruko. Strangely, he was frowning.

“Niruko…I don't know where to begin with apologies. I don't even know the words to say. All I can say is that I really sorry and I swear that it'll never happen again.”

 

“Don't be sorry Inuyasha. It's not your fault; you didn't ask to have this disorder.”

“I know but I am the one who hurt you.” Tears rolled from Niruko's eyes.

“Baby…why are you crying? Look, don't cry, I'm here.” Inuyasha held him in his warm, strong embrace.

“Are you afraid that I don't love you?” Inuyasha asked.

 

Niruko shook his head.

“No, I know you love me…that's the problem…”

“Niruko…what do you mean?”

“Inuyasha…I don't blame you for what happened. But your condition is really serious; you need treatment.” Niruko began to sob.

 

“Stop crying. You're hurting me,” said Inuyasha.

“I'm sorry…”

“What is it? Tell me.”

“Inuyasha…I don't only love you, I'm in love with you. I just can't - I…I can't be in a relationship with you right now.” Now it was Inuyasha's turn to cry.

 

“You're breaking up with me…”

“Yash, I'm really sorry.”

“Don't be. I understand. Who wants to be with a psycho?”

“Yash, you're not a psycho. And I'm not abandoning you. I'll always visit you and I'll be there for you. I'll get back together with you when you get better, I swear it to you.”

 

“That's funny. That's exactly what my ex said to me when I screwed it up with her, and we never got back together.”

“A long time ago I swore that I'd never leave your side. I'm not leaving your side; I'm just going to be a different part of you for now.” Niruko took Inuyasha into his arms kissed him.

“Before I leave, make love to me,” said Niruko. (Not going into details)…

 

Later that day, Miroku came to visit.

“So, how have you been Inuyasha?” Miroku asked. Inuyasha shrugged; he couldn't come out and tell him what was wrong because it pained him to think about Niruko, and he couldn't gather any happiness within him to force a smile.

 

“Inuyasha…what's a matter? Come on, tell me. I may not a physiologist, but I am your best friend and I'll do anything to help,” said Miroku. Inuyasha brushed away a tear. He's crying! Miroku thought. He hadn't seen his best friend cry out of pain since Inuyasha's mother died.

 

“Inuyasha, you're crying…tell me what's wrong!” Miroku ordered as he lightly shook him.

“Niruko…Niruko - he broke up with me,” Inuyasha sobbed out. Miroku knew what happened but he didn't know that Niruko had broken up with Inuyasha. He knew what Inuyasha did to Niruko was scary, but he didn't think that Niruko would break up with Inuyasha - they loved each. Didn't they?

 

Miroku put his arms around Inuyasha, something he hadn't done since Inuyasha's mother died.

“It's okay Inuyasha…don't cry. I'm sure he'll come to his sense and you guys will be back together. Don't worry.”

“He said that he'd get back together with me when I got better, but Kikyo said that she'd get back together with me when we broke up, and well…you can see how far that went, a big fight and now she won't even talk to me,” Inuyasha said.

 

“You love Niruko don't you?”

“Yeah.”

“Well…then you and Kikyo aren't meant to be together.”

“I know but she still means a lot to me. She wasn't only my girlfriend and my first love, she was a really great friend too. Now, I've lost her.”

 

“Inuyasha, Kikyo will come around, just give it time.”

“Miroku…”

“Yeah?”

“You're a really great friend. Thanks a lot for being here when I need you the most.”

“Well you deserve it. You've been there lots of times for me.”

 

Suddenly, Inuyasha's eyes glazed over with a thick vapor of passion. Why's Inuyasha looking at me that way? Miroku wondered. It's kinda creepy.

“Inuyasha, why are you looking at me that way?” Miroku questioned.

“You're amazing…Miroku,” said Inuyasha in a seductive tone.

“Whoa, Inuyasha, I'm not Niruko. I'm Mir - o - ku,” he said very slowly.

“I know that. I wanna be just like you!”

“Why?”

“You're such a good friend. I love you.”

“Um…uh, look Inuyasha; I love you too but not like that. I love you as a brother, not as a boyfriend.”

 

“In fact, I'm in love with you…”

“Inuyasha, are you drunk?” Miroku took a whiff of Inuyasha and he smelt like liquor. Great…I'm alone with a drunken guy on ant-depressants. This can't be good…

 

As Miroku opened his mouth to talk, Inuyasha planted a kiss right on Miroku's lips, and he managed to force his tongue in. Miroku quickly pushed him away.

“INUYASHA, WHAT THE HELL HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU!?”

“What didn't you like my kiss?”

“No, I didn't like your kiss, because I'm a boy and I like girls!”

“Miroku, where are you going?”

“I'm leaving Inuyasha; I don't wanna get raped by you.” Miroku slammed the door and drove home.

 

As Inuyasha came back to his senses, he realized what he'd done. Oh shit….he thought. I kissed my best friend. Miroku's going to be so freaked out that he'll never talk to me again…I hate myself…

Inuyasha's next guest was Kagome.

 

“Hey Inuyasha,” said Kagome.

“What do you want?” Inuyasha asked in monotone.

“I came by to see how you were. You must be really shaken by what happen yesterday.”

“I'm fine. It's everyone else who's making a big deal out of it.”

“That's because it is a big deal, not just for Niruko but for too.”

 

“I could care less about what you and everyone else thinks.”

“Inuyasha, this could mean that your meds will be heavier.”

“So.”

“Yash, please stop closing up. Why don't you open up to me like you were doing a few days ago? Lately, you've been pushing me away.”

“I don't want to talk to you. So why don't you get the hell out of my room and stay the hell out of my life!?”

 

“I don't mean to be rude, but since you're being that way I'll just ask. Did you take your meds today?”

“That's none of your business.”

“I'm sorry that care about you.”

“Stop it…you don't care about me, you just feel sorry for me. There's no reason to feel sorry for me!”

 

“Please stop yelling at me.”

“I'll yell when I want. I'm in control!”

“You really didn't take your med…”

“Shut up about my meds!” Inuyasha reached on the other side of him and took a swig of vodka.

 

“You're drinking!”

“Yeah baby you want some?”

“No. You're not supposed to drink with the meds.”

“I told you that I'm in control!”

“Stop with the damn control thing. You might have been in control of Niruko and you might try to take control of me, but that doesn't mean that you're in control of yourself.”

 

“Look, I'm not gonna tell you damn fools again; I don't have a problem! I'm fine! I tried to have sex with Niruko because he's my boyfriend and I'm in love with him, and I beat him up because the little bitch probably was cheating on me! He's supposed to love me!”

“Inuyasha, please calm down.” Fear was quickly rising within Kagome.

 

“I am calm! Stop calling me Inuyasha; I'm Despair.”

“Okay Despair, can you please stop yelling?”

“Awe…am I hurting your ears, babe?” Inuyasha cupped Kagome's chin in his hand.

“No…you're scaring me.”

“Oh, I'm sorry…not.” Inuyasha let out a wicked laugh.

 

“Um, Despair, I hope you don't mind but I have to leave. My parents are expecting me home.”

“Go ahead dear, leave. And stay the hell out of my life!” Kagome run out of the room so fast that she could hardly feel her legs.

 

After a few more swigs of vodka, Inuyasha drifted out of his dark side, and he was drug into the depths of his depression.

 

Sesshomaru came back inside and thought it was strange that Kagome had left already; her and her ride had already left. He didn't think anything of it and sat down on the couch. Because he had been restless last night, he drifted off into sleep.

 

I abandoned my band, I stopped talking to Sango, I scared Rin so bad that she won't even go near me, Sesshomaru won't sleep at night because of me, Dad's been drinking more than normal, Kikyo won't talk to me, Niruko doesn't love me, Miroku won't be my friend, I scared Kagome away, and I punched Koga. I've chased everyone I ever cared about out of my life. They all hate me now.

 

About a week ago, Koga found out that Inuyasha had been cutting himself again and he told Mr. Inutaisho. Until then, Inuyasha had been seeing the therapist once a week, but because he was hurting himself, he had to see her three times a week.

 

When Inuyasha saw Koga next, he punched him so hard that he knocked out a few of his teeth, which left a cut that went from the top of his bottom lip to below his chin. Since then, Koga hasn't come around him. Inuyasha figured that he should apologize for all the mess that he has caused and let everyone know that he still cares about them. He wrote a note saying:

 

I'm sorry and I love you.

I won't see you for a while so good night.

Inuyasha.

 

He noticed that Sesshomaru was asleep and he left the note on a table by the front door.

Sesshomaru shook himself awake and kept watching Rock of Love with Bret Michaels.

About ten minutes later, the front door open.

“How's your day?” Mr. Inutaisho asked Sesshomaru.

“It has been quite boring.”

 

“Sessh, you look tired, get some rest.”

“I got some for like five minutes.”

“Go lay down. Five minutes isn't going to do shit.”

“I know that but I can not rest with Inuyasha awake.”

“You don't sleep when he's asleep either.”

 

Sesshomaru started to walk upstairs when his father said, “Listen to this: `I'm sorry and I love you. I won't see you for a while so good night, Inuyasha.'”

“Wait, read it again,” said Sesshomaru. He read it. They stopped for a moment. Realizing what it could mean, they darted up to Inuyasha's room.

 

There, they found their beloved son and brother motionlessly hanging for a rope. His face was dark blue and his head hung to one side. “Oh my God!” Sesshomaru yelled. Mr. Inutaisho untied him as Sessh called for an ambulance.

 

“Inuyasha wake up! You can't leave me, not after your mother did! Inuyasha!” Mr. Inutaisho yelled to his lifeless son as tears streamed down his face.