InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Why Can't I Love Him? ❯ Only A Brother's Love ( Chapter 2 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: JapaneseMiko 
Inuyasha has found him at last, but what edid happen so long ago that even now they cannot not forget?
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 01.26.2005 | Pages: 1 | Words: 2.3K | Visits: 398 | Status: Completed
Inuyasha has found him at last, but what edid happen so long ago that even now they cannot not forget?
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 01.26.2005 | Pages: 1 | Words: 2.3K | Visits: 398 | Status: Completed
Chapter 2
Only a Brother’s Love
Inuyasha POV
I ran as fast as I could and even faster than I ever had before. I smelt my brother's blood all over the place. he couldn't be that badly injured. He couldn't possibly die. I don't think I'll be able to stand it if he does. I never got the chance to find out why he banished me. His letter had told me nothing. I always wanted to know. I don't know why today is the day I have to find out, but I had the worst feeling that if I didn't find out soon, that I would never know. I just wanted him to love me again like he used to. I never meant for things to go this wrong.
I tried to stop the tears from coming. There was so much that had gone wrong that I didn't know where to begin picking up the pieces again. I wish things could just go back to the way they were before I got restless, and before I heard about that fucking jewel!
I remember when I ran into Kouga and he told me about the jewel. He had been on me about the fact that I was only a hanyou for some time now and this time he told me that I would die and Sesshoumaru would live forever because he was a youkai. I knew this already, but it hurt even more coming from that wolf I called my friend. That's when he told me about the jewel that could transform me into a youkai instead of the pitiful bag of flesh that I was currently. From that moment on, my goal in life was getting the jewel and impressing Sesshoumaru.
Back then I wasn't afraid of dying. I had one purpose for going on. To get the jewel even if I died trying. That's why I didn't tell Sesshoumaru. I didn't want him worrying about me out there trying to kill the most powerful priestess in the world on my own, and I didn't think that he'd have enough time to help me. I wasn't complaining and I knew what his duties were and I knew that he would give them up in a heartbeat, but I couldn't ask him to do that. He really was the best candidate for the job, and there wasn't anyone else to take his place. I would be the next one up and I had no idea on how to rule the entire stretch of the Western Lands. Plus, the demons wouldn't want a weak hanyou as their lord. Things just weren't done like that. They never had been.
I had known for some time that Kouga had been chasing after me and it was no secret that Sesshoumaru hated him. I never could figure out why. Why should he hate that wolf? It wasn't like I was with him before or during the time we made our small patch of heaven. It was only years after I was unpinned that I let him through my guard. It was only after Sesshoumaru made it quite clear that he despised me with the very fabric of his being.
It would have been much sadder to me if I didn't know that I was the reason for our current bitterness. I knew that it was all my fault and I didn't blame him for hating me. I had read the note and understood some of it, just not the important parts. It seemed like he was paralyzed with grief when he wrote it. I should have told him what I was doing. It was only natural for him to think that I'd gone straight after all those months. I can't blame him and I never hated him.
Oh, I've tried to kill him in the past and I've acted like I hate him just to keep up appearances. The truth was, though, that deep down inside, I still wanted that closeness we used to feel. I wanted the feeling of happiness that went through my spine whenever I smelt him coming. I wanted to feel his arms around me as he held me close to him in our room on the nights he was home. I wanted to turn the corner in the mansion we shared and see him waiting for me sometimes when he had nothing to do for the afternoon. I desperately needed to feel him inside me once more as we lay under the cherry tree in the courtyard on one of those days when the servants got to go into town. I wanted my brother back.
Why did I feel this terrible fear welling up inside of me? why did I feel as I though I was now his only hope? Why did I feel as though my half-brother was about to die? I quickened my pace way beyond the point a half-demon should have been able to go.
I remember what happened after I was sent away from the castle where we built our dreams in tears. That was the day I was supposed to get the jewel from Kikyo and "use" it to turn myself into a human. What she didn't know was that I was planning to take it from her and use it become a demon. In the end I decided that I couldn't do it anymore. she had her life and her dreams and I was a fool for playing with her emotions. I hadn't liked it when my brother pretended to love me like Kouga said he had, so I knew that she would be as heartbroken as I was. I didn't think that anyone deserved a fate like that, so when the time came I went and then Naraku betrayed both of us. The last thing I remember from that time was intense anger and sadness, and then a brief pain before I saw the only thing that would follow me through my long sleep. I saw Kikyo's angry face and I knew that everything was my fault. My fault.
I lived with Kikyo's face for two years now. I lived with the scent of my brother's tears on that one day near the castle. I lived with Kouga's words ringing in my ears. Nothing made sense anymore. My head hurt constantly now. There were so many things that didn't add up, and I didn't want to think about it any more. I didn't want the pain to come in brutal waves like it did every time I tried to think about what I could have done differently.
Now there was another person that expected so much more out of me than I could give. I loved Kagome as a friend, but she wanted more. I couldn't give her more. It was all I could do to give Kouga some. I couldn't take the pressure anymore. I couldn't live like this for much longer. Everywhere I turned there was someone else trying to take more than I had, but I never said no. In my guilt I could never say no to anyone. I couldn't go on like this for much longer. That's why I ran away.
I ran away from my friends and I ran away from that girl. I ran as far as I could and then I ran some more, and then I smelt the blood
.
I smelt my brother's blood everywhere. I didn't care anymore about some stupid thing of the past. I wanted to apologize to him and tell him the truth. I couldn't live with my guilt any longer.
"INUYASHA, WHERE EVER YOU ARE, I'M SORRY!"
My ears pricked and I changed directions. That sounded like my brother, and he sounded weak. I could now smell the salt from his tears mixed in with his normal scent and with the coppery scent of blood that had grown so potent that it felt as though I was surrounded in a sea of red. For some reason tears ran down my face unchecked. It had sounded so much like a youkai's last call of desperation. I felt a chill go up my spine, but I ignored it. My brother couldn't possibly be dying. I won't let him die!
I burst through the dense foliage that suggested a clearing and that's where I saw him.
He looked awful. There was black youkai blood everywhere. If I hadn't known his hair color already, I would have suspected it was black. His golden eyes were covered by his pale lids. His whole face was pale, all too pale. He had taken off his outer armor and I could see the gaping hole in his stomach that oozed youkai poison. If he didn't get help soon, he might actually die. It might already be too late.
I thrust those horrible thoughts from my mind. It wasn't too late. I wouldn't let it be too late. I would suck the poison out myself if the need be. It was never, ever going to be too late again!
"Sesshoumaru!" I yelled as I flung myself at his prone form. His eyes opened in surprise, and then they softened.
"I didn't think you were going to be in the area, Inuyasha." He paused and coughed up some more blood. It got on my bright red haori. but I didn't care. "You're late as usual."
He was trying to make me feel better. I gave a weak smile and wiped the tears from the corner of my eyes. "No, you're the one that's late. I'm always on time." It was a joke from long ago, back when we used to joke around freely without a care for anything or anyone other than ourselves and our beautiful lives together.
He attempted to laugh, but was cut off by his own coughs.
"You remembered." His eyes grew misty and I had to gulp back the tears.
"I don't think I ever forgot." I reached for his hand and held it close to my heart. "I don't care why you threw me out anymore, Sesshoumaru. The only thing I do know and the only thing that matters to me now is getting you some help so we can start again. I won't let anything get in the way anymore!"
"Wounds run deep, Inuyasha. You will not be able to forget, like I was not able to forget what you did to me. It was my fault, I will say that now, but I trusted you, my brother. I wanted to tell you one thing before I died. I stopped caring about the how and why of what you had with Kouga a long time ago. All I have cared about since that day long ago when you were sealed to that tree was telling you this one little thing, and now, on my death bed, I finally have the chance. I love you and I always have. I may not have shown it as often as your other lover did, but it was still there and it was still real, and I don't regret even a minute of loving you." Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and his breathing slowed.
"No! Sesshoumaru! I don't know what you mean! I won't let you die! There's so much left for us to do! Sesshoumaru!" I screamed out his name over and over again. "I won't ever let you go." I whispered and I picked up his surprisingly light frame
I looked both ways to try and decide where the closest person that could help him would be. I cursed myself for taking so long to find him. That would never have happened if I was a full demon!
I remember that there was a village not too far from here, and from the smell of it, they had a healer living there. The only problem was the fact that the healer was a human. I didn’t know of any human healers, other than Kaede, that would help a wounded demon.
I had to take that chance. I wasn’t getting anywhere just standing here like an idiot. While I waited for something to fall out of the sky and help me, my brother was losing more blood and the poison was spreading fast. I took off. If she refused us, then I would have to risk the long journey to Kaede’s.
I located the scent of the village and headed in that direction without another thought. They had to help my brother. They just had to. Even a demon wouldn’t be so cruel as to turn out a wounded human, so these humans couldn’t possibly turn away my brother who was in obvious need.
I reached the village in record time. I followed the smell of herbs to a small shack on the outskirts of the village. I burst into the healer’s hut without even bothering to knock. This was pretty young girl instead of the gnarled old woman I was expecting. I didn’t know whether this was a good sign or a bad one, but I wasn’t going to give up now that I was here. I laid my brother down on the mat and turned to face the frightened girl. I couldn’t find it in me to be mean right now.
Converting /tmp/phpLmtwQP to /dev/stdout
Only a Brother’s Love
Inuyasha POV
I ran as fast as I could and even faster than I ever had before. I smelt my brother's blood all over the place. he couldn't be that badly injured. He couldn't possibly die. I don't think I'll be able to stand it if he does. I never got the chance to find out why he banished me. His letter had told me nothing. I always wanted to know. I don't know why today is the day I have to find out, but I had the worst feeling that if I didn't find out soon, that I would never know. I just wanted him to love me again like he used to. I never meant for things to go this wrong.
I tried to stop the tears from coming. There was so much that had gone wrong that I didn't know where to begin picking up the pieces again. I wish things could just go back to the way they were before I got restless, and before I heard about that fucking jewel!
I remember when I ran into Kouga and he told me about the jewel. He had been on me about the fact that I was only a hanyou for some time now and this time he told me that I would die and Sesshoumaru would live forever because he was a youkai. I knew this already, but it hurt even more coming from that wolf I called my friend. That's when he told me about the jewel that could transform me into a youkai instead of the pitiful bag of flesh that I was currently. From that moment on, my goal in life was getting the jewel and impressing Sesshoumaru.
Back then I wasn't afraid of dying. I had one purpose for going on. To get the jewel even if I died trying. That's why I didn't tell Sesshoumaru. I didn't want him worrying about me out there trying to kill the most powerful priestess in the world on my own, and I didn't think that he'd have enough time to help me. I wasn't complaining and I knew what his duties were and I knew that he would give them up in a heartbeat, but I couldn't ask him to do that. He really was the best candidate for the job, and there wasn't anyone else to take his place. I would be the next one up and I had no idea on how to rule the entire stretch of the Western Lands. Plus, the demons wouldn't want a weak hanyou as their lord. Things just weren't done like that. They never had been.
I had known for some time that Kouga had been chasing after me and it was no secret that Sesshoumaru hated him. I never could figure out why. Why should he hate that wolf? It wasn't like I was with him before or during the time we made our small patch of heaven. It was only years after I was unpinned that I let him through my guard. It was only after Sesshoumaru made it quite clear that he despised me with the very fabric of his being.
It would have been much sadder to me if I didn't know that I was the reason for our current bitterness. I knew that it was all my fault and I didn't blame him for hating me. I had read the note and understood some of it, just not the important parts. It seemed like he was paralyzed with grief when he wrote it. I should have told him what I was doing. It was only natural for him to think that I'd gone straight after all those months. I can't blame him and I never hated him.
Oh, I've tried to kill him in the past and I've acted like I hate him just to keep up appearances. The truth was, though, that deep down inside, I still wanted that closeness we used to feel. I wanted the feeling of happiness that went through my spine whenever I smelt him coming. I wanted to feel his arms around me as he held me close to him in our room on the nights he was home. I wanted to turn the corner in the mansion we shared and see him waiting for me sometimes when he had nothing to do for the afternoon. I desperately needed to feel him inside me once more as we lay under the cherry tree in the courtyard on one of those days when the servants got to go into town. I wanted my brother back.
Why did I feel this terrible fear welling up inside of me? why did I feel as I though I was now his only hope? Why did I feel as though my half-brother was about to die? I quickened my pace way beyond the point a half-demon should have been able to go.
I remember what happened after I was sent away from the castle where we built our dreams in tears. That was the day I was supposed to get the jewel from Kikyo and "use" it to turn myself into a human. What she didn't know was that I was planning to take it from her and use it become a demon. In the end I decided that I couldn't do it anymore. she had her life and her dreams and I was a fool for playing with her emotions. I hadn't liked it when my brother pretended to love me like Kouga said he had, so I knew that she would be as heartbroken as I was. I didn't think that anyone deserved a fate like that, so when the time came I went and then Naraku betrayed both of us. The last thing I remember from that time was intense anger and sadness, and then a brief pain before I saw the only thing that would follow me through my long sleep. I saw Kikyo's angry face and I knew that everything was my fault. My fault.
I lived with Kikyo's face for two years now. I lived with the scent of my brother's tears on that one day near the castle. I lived with Kouga's words ringing in my ears. Nothing made sense anymore. My head hurt constantly now. There were so many things that didn't add up, and I didn't want to think about it any more. I didn't want the pain to come in brutal waves like it did every time I tried to think about what I could have done differently.
Now there was another person that expected so much more out of me than I could give. I loved Kagome as a friend, but she wanted more. I couldn't give her more. It was all I could do to give Kouga some. I couldn't take the pressure anymore. I couldn't live like this for much longer. Everywhere I turned there was someone else trying to take more than I had, but I never said no. In my guilt I could never say no to anyone. I couldn't go on like this for much longer. That's why I ran away.
I ran away from my friends and I ran away from that girl. I ran as far as I could and then I ran some more, and then I smelt the blood
.
I smelt my brother's blood everywhere. I didn't care anymore about some stupid thing of the past. I wanted to apologize to him and tell him the truth. I couldn't live with my guilt any longer.
"INUYASHA, WHERE EVER YOU ARE, I'M SORRY!"
My ears pricked and I changed directions. That sounded like my brother, and he sounded weak. I could now smell the salt from his tears mixed in with his normal scent and with the coppery scent of blood that had grown so potent that it felt as though I was surrounded in a sea of red. For some reason tears ran down my face unchecked. It had sounded so much like a youkai's last call of desperation. I felt a chill go up my spine, but I ignored it. My brother couldn't possibly be dying. I won't let him die!
I burst through the dense foliage that suggested a clearing and that's where I saw him.
He looked awful. There was black youkai blood everywhere. If I hadn't known his hair color already, I would have suspected it was black. His golden eyes were covered by his pale lids. His whole face was pale, all too pale. He had taken off his outer armor and I could see the gaping hole in his stomach that oozed youkai poison. If he didn't get help soon, he might actually die. It might already be too late.
I thrust those horrible thoughts from my mind. It wasn't too late. I wouldn't let it be too late. I would suck the poison out myself if the need be. It was never, ever going to be too late again!
"Sesshoumaru!" I yelled as I flung myself at his prone form. His eyes opened in surprise, and then they softened.
"I didn't think you were going to be in the area, Inuyasha." He paused and coughed up some more blood. It got on my bright red haori. but I didn't care. "You're late as usual."
He was trying to make me feel better. I gave a weak smile and wiped the tears from the corner of my eyes. "No, you're the one that's late. I'm always on time." It was a joke from long ago, back when we used to joke around freely without a care for anything or anyone other than ourselves and our beautiful lives together.
He attempted to laugh, but was cut off by his own coughs.
"You remembered." His eyes grew misty and I had to gulp back the tears.
"I don't think I ever forgot." I reached for his hand and held it close to my heart. "I don't care why you threw me out anymore, Sesshoumaru. The only thing I do know and the only thing that matters to me now is getting you some help so we can start again. I won't let anything get in the way anymore!"
"Wounds run deep, Inuyasha. You will not be able to forget, like I was not able to forget what you did to me. It was my fault, I will say that now, but I trusted you, my brother. I wanted to tell you one thing before I died. I stopped caring about the how and why of what you had with Kouga a long time ago. All I have cared about since that day long ago when you were sealed to that tree was telling you this one little thing, and now, on my death bed, I finally have the chance. I love you and I always have. I may not have shown it as often as your other lover did, but it was still there and it was still real, and I don't regret even a minute of loving you." Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and his breathing slowed.
"No! Sesshoumaru! I don't know what you mean! I won't let you die! There's so much left for us to do! Sesshoumaru!" I screamed out his name over and over again. "I won't ever let you go." I whispered and I picked up his surprisingly light frame
I looked both ways to try and decide where the closest person that could help him would be. I cursed myself for taking so long to find him. That would never have happened if I was a full demon!
I remember that there was a village not too far from here, and from the smell of it, they had a healer living there. The only problem was the fact that the healer was a human. I didn’t know of any human healers, other than Kaede, that would help a wounded demon.
I had to take that chance. I wasn’t getting anywhere just standing here like an idiot. While I waited for something to fall out of the sky and help me, my brother was losing more blood and the poison was spreading fast. I took off. If she refused us, then I would have to risk the long journey to Kaede’s.
I located the scent of the village and headed in that direction without another thought. They had to help my brother. They just had to. Even a demon wouldn’t be so cruel as to turn out a wounded human, so these humans couldn’t possibly turn away my brother who was in obvious need.
I reached the village in record time. I followed the smell of herbs to a small shack on the outskirts of the village. I burst into the healer’s hut without even bothering to knock. This was pretty young girl instead of the gnarled old woman I was expecting. I didn’t know whether this was a good sign or a bad one, but I wasn’t going to give up now that I was here. I laid my brother down on the mat and turned to face the frightened girl. I couldn’t find it in me to be mean right now.
Converting /tmp/phpLmtwQP to /dev/stdout