Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Angry Video Game Nerd Saves Kingdom Hearts! ❯ Chapter 2

Angry Video Game Nerd Saves Kingdom Hearts!

By Charles Xavier

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Chapter Two

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“How did this happen?” cried the Nerd, astonished by his altered appearance in the mirror. “Why the hell have I gone all CG? Do I really look that horrible? Who would do this to such an expensive game? And why the fuck is my mouth moving like some cheesy Pixar character?”

Everyone thought King Mickey had made a big mistake to recruit the Nerd. Would he really give a damn to rescue Sora? No one imagined that he would even care to listen to why he was brought here in the first place. His rants and curses were so unbearable to hear that Minnie and Daisy were forced to wear ear plugs during this small assembly.

“Gawrsh. He sure don’t look like the kind of hero I pictured.” Goofy commented. “This mission won’t be easy if he continues to spread those bad words.”

“Aw, phooey!” said Donald Duck. “I think King Mickey must have picked up the wrong guy!”

“Look, I know this is hard to say, and I understand that you guys are under a lot of pressure with Kefka and his bastard Heartless. But seriously, you’ve got this all wrong!” the Nerd insisted for the fourth time, yet Mickey was still more than positive that there was no error made in his judgment. “I just tear apart shitty games! I’m no savior! Why the fuck did you have to drag me to Disney Castle and pray on your stinky hairy balls, expecting me to save your worlds from some bad ass painted child raping lunatic?”

“Because deep down inside, Nerd, I’m a hundred and ten percent sure that you possess that unique knowledge of video games, good or bad, to defeat the evil Kefka and stop him reaching anywhere near Kingdom Hearts.” Mickey replied. He wasn’t kidding at all, and the Nerd wasn’t stupid enough to realize it. “I’ve told you long enough about how much trouble he’s caused already…and Sora and Riku weren’t able to stop him. So please…help us.”

The Nerd rubbed his chin in consideration, thinking carefully of his next words. “Well, since you did say ‘please’…but there’s one catch…what’s in it for me?”

A clueless Mickey scratched his brain. “Um…you can have one of my Keyblades. Very rare and only one of its kind!”

The Nerd crossed his arms and shook his head in refusal.

“All right…how about a well-deserved reward of say, five million munny?”

The Nerd shook his head again, nowhere near interested.

“My Atari 5200 with compatible controls?”

No! The Nerd was growing furious as he bit his lip. He wouldn’t believe for a nickel that those controls were workable after his unfortunate experience with the failed console.

“Well, all I have left to offer is this unopened bottle of Rolling Rock.” Mickey slipped out the cold beer from his pocket. “But I never-”

“Done!” the Nerd snatched the drink off Mickey’s hand and gulped it halfway down. “Time to find Sora, shove that clowny bastard up a horse’s ass, and save those Bitches of Heart!”

“Princesses of Heart.” Mickey corrected. “Goofy and Donald here will take you to the Gummi Ship. I sure hope you know how to operate a spacecraft.”

The Nerd was an experienced ‘Space Invaders’ gamer, so he felt no reason why not. Loading his Super Scope and pocketing his NES Zapper, the Nerd was ready for action. Nobody was going to fuck around with the wizard game genius.

“Oh, I forgot to mention.” said Mickey, snapping his fingers. “My old pal Leon was happy to offer some assistance, and he sent somebody to help you.”

“Fuck, no!” rejected the Nerd. “I don’t need help from some gay Leonardo Dicaprio-Tom Cruise wannabe! I can take care of Kefka with Goofy and Donald!”

A bar of soap was flicked into his mouth, as Yuffie Kisaragi stepped out from the shadows. “You keep that up, and the great ninja Yuffie will have to wash that potty mouth of yours! We’re in this together, and don’t you forget it!”

“Fuckkk…” the Nerd gurgled out.