Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ At the Psychiatrist ❯ Purely Evil Psychiatrist Powers ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

I’M TRYING TO SET THE BACKGROUND OF THE STORY FIRST, SO SHOUNEN-AI WILL BE MILD. IT WILL DEFINITELY BE HEAVY LATER ON.
Axel's electrifying green eyes scanned the cafeteria until they rested on the object of his desires. He felt them narrow and become hazy when he saw dirty-blond spikies standing out in the middle of the mob of people hurrying to get a seat in the room. He felt his fingers tremble, craving to brush those silky, golden strands away from those seraphic ponds of cerulean innocence... He felt his tongue lick his lips ravenously as his eyes caught sight of those morbid, light-pink lips... He felt his legs move eagerly toward that beautiful angel without wings, that ethereal creature that stole his heart with a simple smile...
... Only to fall over a chair and smash his face straight on the floor. His earphones flew away from the crash, detaching themselves from a black PSP, which started to play the song he was listening to secretly at the highest volume.
So much for being poetic.
“Oooooooooh!” an overly-dramatic voice shrieked over his head.
The redhead cursed Kingdom Hearts under his breath and looked up to meet the chubby face of an old fat lady with a red and black dress and a heart-shaped wand. She grinned wickedly at him, an action that made her look like a frog about to burp. She picked up his fallen PSP from the floor, while it continued playing its song, also knows as-
“The Ding Ding Dong Song! Oh, I love this thing!”
Axel blinked in confusion; first at the lady, than at his PSP, which continued to sing.
“Oh, you touched my tra la la... Umm, my ding ding dong!”
“Ding ding dong!” added the ugly lady with her sordid vice.
"... And this is how Axel got to meet the Queen of Hearts, and that's Leon."
Jack pouted, "Your nametag reads Squall Leonhart, so I think I'll continue calling you Squall-san. I don't want any of my patients to have an identity crisis."
Leon flinched visibly at the word patients.
It was the 10 ‘o clock break. Just like in a school, a number of patients (along with their respective doctors) had gathered in a spacious cafeteria that resembled a normal lunchroom, only more commodious. There were a few wooden, grey tables scattered around in detectable order, each of them giving hospitality to six people at most. The spaces between the tables were also considerably ample, and this made the chamber even roomier. Not all the mentally ill patients were gathered here, of course – this was just one of the many cafeterias dispersed around the hospital. The patients needed more personal space, as the psychiatric laws put it. And more color: the walls of the room were not entirely white and blank, but with a number of flowers, trees, and butterflies scattered here and there. Oh, and the painting of a big hot-air balloon. Rumor had it that the owner of the hospital had this thing for Timothy Boon.
In a solitary table in the middle of the others, Zexion was sitting beside Leon and across from Jack. The other three chairs around the table were empty, for Jack’s colleagues had decided that it would be best for him (and them) to have some alone time with his new cases.
"So what did you note down today, Jackwell-sensei?" the younger of the three men asked.
Jack glanced over at Kairi.
"She," he pointed at her, "Is a rather dreamy teenage girl who should stop reading Anne Frank and all her mourns about Petel. Sora-kun," he pointed at the brunet who was eating under the table (having a good grip on Roxas's legs) in order to avoid Axel's merciless eyes (which were even more merciless than before since he was continuously being glomped by an over-sized red toad), "Seems to have many enemies, and he's driving crazy Roxas-kun."
Zexion nodded.
"Uhuh... and did you notice anything new that we didn't?"
Jack snorted at the lilac-haired boy.
"Xaldin-san and Xigbar-san should stay away from each other," he continued, indicating the two mentioned who were now throwing paper planes at anyone nearby, "And Demyx-kun is too lonely for his own good."
Zexion banged his hands on the table and, without any word of excuse, walked away to where Demyx was playing a lullaby with an upset face. Jack took out his notepad and grinned.
"In... staint... reac... shone..."
He was lucky to be pretty far away from one of the girl's tables from where Kairi was sending him loving glances.
"He's not looking, retard," Larxene muttered for the umpteenth time, while aiming at Sephiroth's head on the other table with her kunai.
Kairi turned to her and stuck her tongue out at the blonde. Then she quickly went back to what she was doing. Alice sighed contently.
"This is looooooooove..."
"Dish ish craaaaaaaaapp..." Namine contradicted her while sending down a mouthful of lasagna.
Larxene smirked; yay, she finally found the perfect best friend for her! Tifa, on the other hand, turned all the plates and tables and chairs nearby upside-down in the attempt of finding her missing nametag. Jane was writing furiously on a piece of paper.
"Are you thinking of becoming a psychiatrist too?" Mulan asked her, poking the pudding on her plate.
"Yep!" was Jane's unexpected reply. "I discovered the problem with all of us!"
"Oooooh!" Yuna brought her hands over her mouth. "And? What's the problem?"
"WE'RE ALL DRIVEN CRAZY BY LOOOOOOOOOOVE!"
Several things happened really quickly. Jane had shouted so loudly that Larxene missed her aim at Sephiroth's head... and instead the kunai sprung directly at his ass. Larxene hissed a "Yes!" Macaulay Culkin style and Sephiroth let out a painful scream that went rarely unheard by the other side of the universe. Lexaeus, who just discovered that he lost his title as 'the Silent Hero', gasped and pulled on Hercules's hand, who accidentally kicked Maleficent's nose, who cast a spell on Aerith, who was about to kiss Cloud but instead her nose grew long and sharp and stung to Cloud's scarf and pulled it so hard that Cloud suffocated.
The bell rang, indicating the end of break-time.
Jack took out his camera again and clicked a photo of the messed up group of people around the office. He would later send it by e-mail to St. Brutus's Security Center for Hopeless Cases or whatever it was.
"Aha!" the black mouse from before, whose nametag read King Mickey Mouse, jumped from his chair and pointed at Jack's camera. "I know what it is! It's not a camera!"
Jack nodded.
"Yeah, it's not a camera, it's a digital camera."
"That's not what I meant!" squeaked His Majesty. "It's a neuralizer! When you flash it on people's faces, you erase their memories!"
"Poppycock!" intervened Demyx, "A neuralizer has a red light, and the one who uses it has to wear black sunglasses so that he doesn't neuralize himself!"
His Highness (who wasn't really that high) blushed, "They developed the neuralizer with the passing of time and the coming of new technologies!" he protested. "Now the neuralizer has a white flash, and in order to avoid neuralizing yourself, you gotta wear normal glasses! And he's got them all right!"
Jack pushed his glasses up his nose.
"Your Excellency," he argued, "I'm not a Man in Black."
"You don't have to be!" King Mickey replied, taking a thorough look at his clothes. "I mean, take Namine for instance! She's a Girl in White, and she still knows how to screw you up!"
Jack had recently discovered, through the Namine’s sketchbook, that she was a big fan of Surrealism. Her sketches displayed what looked like an alternate universe of her own liking, where she had modified the real life to her own accord. Needless to say, the people she portrayed always gazed vacantly at her art, trying to remember when exactly had they done the things they were doing in her drawings. This was exactly what happened to Jack; while leafing through those pages full of bizarre pictures, he had spotted a page recently drawn by the girl, probably during the session before the break. It showed his form asleep inside some kind of a structure… a mixture between a bathtub and a light-bulb, to be precise. When he had asked Namine for an artist’s statement, she had shrugged and said that she had actually seen him doing this last night. The redhead had protested that he was sleeping in his bed last night, but Namine had retorted that she had witnessed him sleepwalking to the girls’ bathroom and falling asleep on the bath-bulb thing. Jack had firmly replied that there was no such thing in the girls’ restroom, and Namine once again won him over by grunting that he had never actually seen or entered the bathroom in his consciousness, so how was he to know? The doctor had just blinked and uttered an ‘oh’, and that was the end of it.
Jack smiled tiredly.
"That's right. But she doesn't use a laser machine to screw up people's memories, and this is not a neuralizer. It's just a device to attract attention, because, as I said before, the eye is an organ adapted to sense light radiat-"
"WHATEVER!"
Everyone turned to Roxas and saw that Sora was now sleeping on his lap, drooling... To avoid further... (Jack looked down at his notes)... in staint reac shone, Jack interrupted Riku and Axel from crushing Roxas and Sora down to small unidentifiable pieces.
"Axel-kun, now I want you to tell us about your last dream."
Axel was about to say "NO WAY YOU EFFIN PSYCHIC I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU WHAT I DREAM ABOUT BECOS MY DREAMS ARE GAY, PERVERTED, PEDOPHILIC, AND PYRO AND ARE ABOUT A CERTAIN SEXY BLOND AND I'M PROUD OF THEM - COMMIT IT TO MEMORY!" but stopped at mid-sentence.
" NO WAY YOU EFFIN PSYCHIC I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU WHAT I DREAM ABOUT BECOS MY DREAMS ARE GAY, PERVERTED, PEDOPHILIC, AND PYRO AND ARE-" Axel stopped, hesitated a moment, then grinned.
“ABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-Ok, fine, I'll tell you!"
Riku cursed. He knew Ginger-ass had something in mind... and so did our favorite psychiatrist.
"Because his dreams are about what?" he asked himself rhetorically, a sarcastic smirk plastered on his face.
“In my dream, Kairi was standing on the beach!” Axel smirked.
Kairi raised her eyebrow.
"She was just standing there as the day passed, weeks passed..." Axel wandered off dreamily, "Months passed... seasons passed... And since Destiny Islands' got a constant summer climate, she was BURNING under the HOT sun!"
Kairi gasped, "Tell me I had some sun cream with me!"
Axel scratched his head, “Boh, I don’t have it memorized... prolly not.”
Kairi paled visibly.
“Then, one night,” Axel continued, “Kairi was still standing on the beach when suddenly white shiny stuff started falling down from the sky...”
"Did it burn too?" Larxene asked indifferently.
Axel's eyes shone with passion, "YEP IT BURNED LIKE HELL!"
Kairi was now about to have a heart attack.
"And guess what happened neeeeeeeeeeext?!" Axel cooed at Riku, who started to sweat. "Sora came out of a bunch of shiny snow and shouted over to Kairi, waving her a kiss!"
Kairi was shaking her head at a miraculous speed, looking from dear Sora to beloved Jack. Riku was gaping at her, unbelieving. Jack sighed happily. Axel smiled proudly. Sora drooled unknowingly. Roxas planned revengefully. Everyone else silenced himself or herself deadly.
Jane gathered some courage to ask the dangerous question nervously.
"What w-was he sh-shouting?" she enquired trembling, pen and paper in her amateur hands.
"Eeeeeeh..." Axel hesitated, "He shouted something like 'KAIRI, I'LL ALWAYS BE THINKING OF YOU, WHEREVER YOU ARE!'"
Riku started quaking.
Axel imitated Sora's tiny voice, "I'LL PRAY FOR YOUR TAN TO END, HOPING THAT YOU'LL ALWAYS WAIT FOR ME AT THE BEACH BURNING UNDER THE SUN! NOW I WILL STEP BACK BECAUSE I REALLY GOTTA GO! AND WHO KNOWS; STARTING A NEW JOURNEY WITHOUT YOU MAY BE FUN, AND LUCKILY IT'S ALREADY BEGUN! THERE ARE MANY GIRLS IN THE WORLD, BUT THEY SHARE THE SAME GUY. ONE GUY, ONE-"
Axel was not able to finish his speech because Riku’s fist suddenly hit him. Click, went Jack's neura... ahem, pardon, digital camera. Riku glared and blinked at him at the same time.
"Thank you, Axel-kun," Jack said quietly, "Now, everybody please take a break and relax quietly.”
Everyone let out a long sigh and leaned back against their seats. Wow, who would've thought that being at the psychiatrist would be this tiring... Definitely not Jack. He hung his camera around his neck and took out his cellphone. He strongly needed assistance in this case... He just couldn't trust these psychos. Not after the uproar they caused in the cafeteria... And decisively not after all these in staint reac shones from Riku over Sora.
Immediately after his request call, he heard a knock from the door; he got up and opened it to meet a pair of callous, mulberry eyes that could only belong to a certain work-mate of his.
“Could you please take care of them for me till lunch-time, Rukia-san?”
The girl's eyebrows rose phlegmatically.
“With pleasure.”
“These are also farcically known as evil, evil, purely evil psychiatric powers...”
The bearded-man started to sweat. Jack smirked at this. He just loved scaring people. You could add this to his hobby list. It was something he learned from Ms. Utada by spending so much time with her all these years... How could he ever thank her enough for this? Let's see... He could always take some photos of all the people he scares and pile them into a gift box. Yeah, she'd like that...
He took his camera and clicked a photo of Ansem before the man could retort. He glared at him.
“Look,” he started his goodly rehearsed speech, “I know they're mental. I can see that from miles away; it's this obvious. But you can't just expect me to treat them without first letting me know what exactly I have to treat them for.”
The blond man glared back at him, gritting his teeth.
“Shouldn't you know better than me? You're the doctor here!”
Jack's eyebrow twitched.
“Of course I'm the doctor!” he hissed forcefully, intimidating the older man until he saw him trying to sink into his seat. “And that's why I am smart enough to have figured out your secret.”
Ansem looked baffled.
“Which... How... Who... When...” he mumbled incoherent words.
He paused for a moment, seemingly trying to decide on the next move. He looked over to Jack, and the redhead noticed that, this time, his stupefied expression was a fake one.
“Why, Mr. Greengrass,” Ansem started with an aberrant smirk, “I don't understand what you are talking about.”
Jack rolled his eyes. He was so expecting this.
“Look,” he took out a folder he had been holding all this time and threw it nonchalantly to his guest, “These papers say that you requested help from this hospital because you thought your young apprentices were suddenly going mad. Now, what were the reports supporting this thought again?”
Jack harshly snatched the folder back from the man's lap and started scanning through it.
“The reason you brought Sora-kun here?” he asked with a malignant smirk.
Ansem gulped, attempting to look anything other than alarmed.
“He was having a paranoid personality disorder!” he snapped back. “Always clinging to Roxas, and acting schizophrenic towards the others... He doesn't even recognize his friends anymore! In fact,” he tried to think up of an example to uphold his belief, “One day I stopped him from beating poor Axel up with a key... He was screaming something about blaming the boy for not letting him be 'whole' with Roxas and wildly begging the blond to 'enter' him...”
It took exactly five seconds for Ansem to realize what he just said. He widened his eyes and slapped his hand on his mouth. Jack rolled his eyes again.
“And let me guess,” he stuck out his tongue at a corner of his lips and placed his index finger on his right cheek, assuming a 'thinking' position, “The next thing you knew is that Riku-kun started to beat Roxas-kun into a pulp.”
Ansem frowned. He opened his mouth to say something, but Jack interrupted him quickly.
“And then Axel-kun joined the fight, and Sora-kun started yelling and running around; this attracted Kairi-chan's attention, who started to run around with him. While running around, she accidentally bumped on Namine-chan, knocking her pizza off her hand, thus angering her (we all know how addicted she is to Italian food). Namine-chan then picked up her sketchbook and started chasing Kairi-chan, but mistakenly crashed against the window and fell. Xigbar-san and Xaldin-san, having witnessed the scene, immediately thought up of a new game; bungee-jumping without a rope. They jumped, their actions having a heavy effect on the sensitive mind of Lexaeus-san, who started having a fit because he gets depressed when people scream louder than him. And of course, he took his anger out on Zexion-san, who at the moment just happened to be releasing his sexual compulsions at Demyx-kun. Poor Demyx-kun got scared, and hid behind Larxene-san, whom, being the overly-protective mother figure, threw her kunai at Zexion-san... But missed, hitting little Alice-chan instead. Alice-chan was knocked out cold, and Mulan-san, whom all this time had been playing twister with her, over-reacted thinking her best friend as dead, so she took hold of that... what's that thing's name again? Mushu... and started firing. The fire caught many... innocent... victims, as in Olette-chan, Hayner-kun, Pence-kun, Fuu-chan, Rai-kun, Vivi-kun, and Seifer-kun. The flaming gang ran up to Rikku-chan, Yuna-chan, and Yuffie-chan for help, but Rikku-chan, Yuna-chan, and Yuffie-chan, being Rikku-chan, Yuna-chan, and Yuffie-chan, started waving their skirts at them, hoping to put out the fire. But, as you and I know veeeery well, the wind just keeps, it, blowing. So in the end, Paine-san, the only person having enough sanity to act aptly, extinguished the fire with the fire-extinguisher.”
Ansem literally ran out of words to make a snappy comeback. He just managed to whisper four little words very, very weakly.
“... How did you know...?”
Jack let out a deep breath.
“As I said before, these are also farcically known as evil, evil, purely evil psychiatric powers...” he repeated droopily, then jolted up, as if awoken abruptly from a dream. “Did I mention how Tifa-san found her long-lost bra in the end?”
Ansem was too exhausted to even shake his head.
Jack continued his tale, “After all was burnt down, she found it under the only thing than remained pretty much unharmed.”
Ansem was sweating assiduously by now. Jack got up from the sofa and bit his lips.
“A trapdoor,” he whispered.
Without even bothering to look back at the defeated man, the redhead walked up to the door.
“You may go today, Mr. Ansem,” he said without turning around, “But next time, you won't leave any question unanswered.”
He exited the guest room as the bell rang, signalling the beginning of lunch-break.
When Jack got back to his office, he noticed that Rukia had left already. And he was anything but surprised to see that everyone in the room started crying at his return.
"Jackie-senseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeei!" screeched Kairi, trying to run up to Jack but failing miserably since she accidentally tripped on his foot.
“That bitch was such a MEANIE! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” sobbed Sora, stomping on Pooh relentlessly.
“Such a SKINFLINT! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” bawled Rikku, throwing herself at his feet alongside Kairi.
“Such a NIGGARD! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” wailed Demyx while glomping him into a breathtaking hug.
“BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!” concluded Pooh, as it was instantly smashed into an unrecognizable piece of… rubber.
Jack clicked his camera for the umpteenth time that day.
Authoress’s Notes: 3293 words, +391 than Prologue. Lame. Poor Pooh.
Jack: We are NOT going to put the disclaimer again. Once is enough.