Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Contrl is an Illusion ❯ Muses of a Muddled Mind ( Chapter 1 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Koji Inari 
Cloud's mind is on edge, and Sephiroth won't leave him alone.
Non Anime: Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Hentai / Psychological / Romance / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 01.20.2007 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.0K | Visits: 603 | Status: Work In Progress
Cloud's mind is on edge, and Sephiroth won't leave him alone.
Non Anime: Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Hentai / Psychological / Romance / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 01.20.2007 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.0K | Visits: 603 | Status: Work In Progress
: I don’t own anything connected to Kingdom Hearts, it is owned by Square Enix
Music: AFI-Rabbits are Road kill on Route 37
Rating: M
Warnings: Yaoi, rape, alcohol, masochism, and a crap load of other stuff. If you don’t like angst, don’t read this.
Author’s Note: Yes, I am starting another story, yes, I haven’t updated in quite a while, yes, I have strep throat, yes, I have depression. No, this has never happened to me. If you have any other questions just ask.
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It was dark, there were no lights on anywhere in the house, and the sun had receded hours ago. There was nothing for my eyes to see, it was totally pitch black. My mind felt at ease, no bothersome thoughts of what I got on my last test, or about whether my father would come home again, drunk. No thoughts about my mistakes or about the fight I barely escaped. Nothing, my mind was completely blank, just soaking in the peaceful darkness.
A sudden thump roused my thoughts. It was soon followed by a stream of curses and a slamming door, then a few more thumps. I winced with each new sound. I couldn’t tell if they were coming toward me or not, whether my door would burst open and my nightmare would come back again. I waited with baited breath, praying to God that my door wouldn’t open, and then the sounds receded, and I was doused in silence once more.
My heart was thumping loudly, making the blood in my ears pound. I sat there for what seemed like an eternity, not daring to move should I arouse his attention. Eventually I felt mildly safe, and I curled up under my blanket, my face shoved in my pillow. In time I drifted off into an uneasy sleep.
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Morning came all too soon. Light steamed in through cracks in the blinds, forcing me to wake up. I was one of those people who got up as soon as it got light. I crawled out of bed, shivering as the cold hit my bare chest. Somehow I managed to drag myself into my bathroom and lock the door. A quick look in the mirror showed dark rings under my eyes and mussed up hair. A thin sheet of sweat covered most of my body, the product of fitful nightmares and a heavy blanket. I sighed and turned away from the image, stepping into the shower.
The warm water felt good and made my mind go blank again. Not to think was pure bliss. Unconsciously I turned the water up, making it hotter. Steam rose off the bottom of the tub, swirling in intricate patterns as the air began to heat up. I sighed in relief, not noticing as the hot water began to scald my skin, turning it red.
From somewhere in my room I heard my alarm radio go off, announcing the weather. Grudgingly I finished up my shower and turned off the water. My bathroom was so filled up with steam I couldn’t see very well, and I almost tripped over the rug. Eventually I got myself dried off and walked out into my room to change.
I stopped in my tracks as soon as I exited the bathroom. The door to my room was open, the lock broken. Slowly my eyes wandered over to my bed, and my spirit fell lower to see him sitting on my bed.
“You locked the door.” he said, his luminescent green eyes wandering over my naked form. I started to back up into my bathroom again, but I knew that would only bring more punishment later.
“I didn’t mean to-”
“Bullshit.” I backed up, frightened by his voice. I had thought he would have still been in bed, sleeping off his hangover, but I had been wrong. I’d been careless to not bring my clothes into the bathroom so I could change. So now, as punishment, I was standing there in front of his predatory eyes, naked.
I didn’t say anything more, I knew that would only make things worse. Fear grasped my heart when he suddenly stood up. He walked over to me at an agonizingly slow pace, finally coming to a stop right in front of me. He leaned over, his long silver hair brushing against my bare skin, and whispered into my ear. “You are nothing without me, don’t forget that. As long as I’m here you’re safe, but if you piss me off…” He let the threat hang in the air ominously.
I shivered, both from the cold and from fear. He was right, he was my only protection, my only support. But I hated him, I hated him more than anything. The way he touched me, the way he looked at me, the way he would make me beg him for things I didn’t want, it made me sick. I would have like nothing better than to kill the bastard, but that would be a mistake.
“I’m sorry.” I apologized, hoping he was in a good mood. If he were in a good mood I’d be spared some pain.
He grunted, running his eyes over my bare body once again. “Get ready for school. I don’t want to have to deal with them calling me saying you’re absent.” He moved away from me, finally taking those piercing green off me. “And put on some clothes, it’s too cold for you to be out here naked.”
I collapsed to my knees when the door shut. He had left me alone for once, he hadn’t done a thing. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins, making me tremble with pent up energy. Ghost pains flitted through my body, making me experience a little of what I had thought he’d have done. Eventually I amassed the courage to get ready for school.
When I left, there was no one at home.
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“Hey Cloud!” came Leon’s voice. I looked up in time to see my best friend getting ready to go off to school on his motorcycle. I had to walk by his house on the way to school, and the fact that I had caught him made me happy.
“Give me a ride?” I asked, nodding toward his bike. He smiled and threw his extra helmet to me.
“Get on, I can get us there in five minutes.”
“Five minutes?” I asked, suspicion in my voice. “You wouldn’t happen to break any speed limits along the way would you?”
“Well duh, speed limits are for those pussys afraid to make the cops mad. Come on Cloud, I won’t get caught.”
I looked at him doubtfully, but if I rode with him I wouldn’t have to walk to school. “Alright,” I finally conceded. “Just don’t kill me ok? I’d like to live a few more years.” My response got a bark of a laugh from Leon, followed by his reassurances that he wouldn’t do anything dangerous.
We go to school in a record 4 minutes, which of course made Leon want to brag. Every friend we met was forced to endure his speech of how he was “king of the road” and he could “out-race anyone”. I of course, was used as proof of his amazing feat.
Eventually though he calmed down and I was granted the peace of not having to listen to him. We wandered the halls in the small amount of time we had before school started. Various other students lined the halls, all clustered in their little groups of friends talking about where they would go for lunch, or gossiping about who was dating who. It was nice to listen to the mindless babble of teenagers who had nothing of real importance on their minds.
“Are you listening to me? Hellooooo earth to Cloud. You alive?” Leon’s gloved hand waved in front of my face, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“What?” I asked, glaring at my friend. He smiled and pointed over to a group of girls standing in the middle of the hall. The were standing in a circle, all wearing pink and carrying at least one purse. The clothes they wore were designer, and their bags alone were probably worth a couple hundred bucks.
“Prep squad.” we both stated at once. Those girls were like hyenas, and I mean that literally. Hyenas are dominated by the females in a hierarchy system. There was the top hyena, a ravenous bitch that would chew up and spit out any male. Unfortunately for me, that black widow of a girl had an attachment to me.
“Let’s split, I don’t want to be around when they notice me.” Leon nodded in agreement and we scooted off down a side hall. Once we were sure that we were a safe distance away Leon let out a laugh.
“Any other guy would pay a million dollars for a chance to go out with her, yet you avoid her like the plague.”
“Well no duh. She’s a man eater I swear, besides, I could never be with a girl that shallow, I mean come on, she’d date any guy in this school if he had enough money or the right looks.”
Leon snorted. “Whatever man, I think you should just do it, you know, you haven’t had a relationship in….ever.”
I managed to glare at Leon without him noticing. “You know I can’t have a relationship Leon…if Sephiroth knew…”
“Screw Sephiroth.” Leon growled, apologizing when I winced. “I mean, that bastard’s been making your life hell ever since your mother died. I say run away, come live with me or something.”
“Thanks for the offer.” I replied. “But no thanks. The second I come over to your house you can expect him to burn it down. I’m sorry Leon, I’m stuck with him and there is nothing I can do about it.”
“Can’t you call like, those child abuse people or something? I mean, you can’t just sit there and let him do this to you.”
“Oh really, and what happens when they throw him in jail? What happens to me then huh? I’m too young to live on my own and there is no way in hell I’m going to travel back and forth between foster homes that can’t handle someone like me.” Leon started to respond but I stopped him with a glare. “Drop it Leon, I’ll see you at lunch.” As if on cue, the bell rang, and I turned away from my best friend to go to class.
I came to school to forget, but everyone continually reminds me.
Music: AFI-Rabbits are Road kill on Route 37
Rating: M
Warnings: Yaoi, rape, alcohol, masochism, and a crap load of other stuff. If you don’t like angst, don’t read this.
Author’s Note: Yes, I am starting another story, yes, I haven’t updated in quite a while, yes, I have strep throat, yes, I have depression. No, this has never happened to me. If you have any other questions just ask.
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Control is an Illusion
I guess you could say I’m a masochist, though I don’t cut myself. Pain isn’t something I truly enjoy, I cry as much as the next guy when I break my arm. But I love to feel miserable. Call me emo, but feeling depressed is one of the greatest pleasures in the world. Feeling worthless and sad, seeing dark things in everything beautiful, seeing that bad hidden in the good, it makes me feel so much better. Because, it lets me know that I’m not the only scum on this earth.It was dark, there were no lights on anywhere in the house, and the sun had receded hours ago. There was nothing for my eyes to see, it was totally pitch black. My mind felt at ease, no bothersome thoughts of what I got on my last test, or about whether my father would come home again, drunk. No thoughts about my mistakes or about the fight I barely escaped. Nothing, my mind was completely blank, just soaking in the peaceful darkness.
A sudden thump roused my thoughts. It was soon followed by a stream of curses and a slamming door, then a few more thumps. I winced with each new sound. I couldn’t tell if they were coming toward me or not, whether my door would burst open and my nightmare would come back again. I waited with baited breath, praying to God that my door wouldn’t open, and then the sounds receded, and I was doused in silence once more.
My heart was thumping loudly, making the blood in my ears pound. I sat there for what seemed like an eternity, not daring to move should I arouse his attention. Eventually I felt mildly safe, and I curled up under my blanket, my face shoved in my pillow. In time I drifted off into an uneasy sleep.
----------
Morning came all too soon. Light steamed in through cracks in the blinds, forcing me to wake up. I was one of those people who got up as soon as it got light. I crawled out of bed, shivering as the cold hit my bare chest. Somehow I managed to drag myself into my bathroom and lock the door. A quick look in the mirror showed dark rings under my eyes and mussed up hair. A thin sheet of sweat covered most of my body, the product of fitful nightmares and a heavy blanket. I sighed and turned away from the image, stepping into the shower.
The warm water felt good and made my mind go blank again. Not to think was pure bliss. Unconsciously I turned the water up, making it hotter. Steam rose off the bottom of the tub, swirling in intricate patterns as the air began to heat up. I sighed in relief, not noticing as the hot water began to scald my skin, turning it red.
From somewhere in my room I heard my alarm radio go off, announcing the weather. Grudgingly I finished up my shower and turned off the water. My bathroom was so filled up with steam I couldn’t see very well, and I almost tripped over the rug. Eventually I got myself dried off and walked out into my room to change.
I stopped in my tracks as soon as I exited the bathroom. The door to my room was open, the lock broken. Slowly my eyes wandered over to my bed, and my spirit fell lower to see him sitting on my bed.
“You locked the door.” he said, his luminescent green eyes wandering over my naked form. I started to back up into my bathroom again, but I knew that would only bring more punishment later.
“I didn’t mean to-”
“Bullshit.” I backed up, frightened by his voice. I had thought he would have still been in bed, sleeping off his hangover, but I had been wrong. I’d been careless to not bring my clothes into the bathroom so I could change. So now, as punishment, I was standing there in front of his predatory eyes, naked.
I didn’t say anything more, I knew that would only make things worse. Fear grasped my heart when he suddenly stood up. He walked over to me at an agonizingly slow pace, finally coming to a stop right in front of me. He leaned over, his long silver hair brushing against my bare skin, and whispered into my ear. “You are nothing without me, don’t forget that. As long as I’m here you’re safe, but if you piss me off…” He let the threat hang in the air ominously.
I shivered, both from the cold and from fear. He was right, he was my only protection, my only support. But I hated him, I hated him more than anything. The way he touched me, the way he looked at me, the way he would make me beg him for things I didn’t want, it made me sick. I would have like nothing better than to kill the bastard, but that would be a mistake.
“I’m sorry.” I apologized, hoping he was in a good mood. If he were in a good mood I’d be spared some pain.
He grunted, running his eyes over my bare body once again. “Get ready for school. I don’t want to have to deal with them calling me saying you’re absent.” He moved away from me, finally taking those piercing green off me. “And put on some clothes, it’s too cold for you to be out here naked.”
I collapsed to my knees when the door shut. He had left me alone for once, he hadn’t done a thing. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins, making me tremble with pent up energy. Ghost pains flitted through my body, making me experience a little of what I had thought he’d have done. Eventually I amassed the courage to get ready for school.
When I left, there was no one at home.
----------------
“Hey Cloud!” came Leon’s voice. I looked up in time to see my best friend getting ready to go off to school on his motorcycle. I had to walk by his house on the way to school, and the fact that I had caught him made me happy.
“Give me a ride?” I asked, nodding toward his bike. He smiled and threw his extra helmet to me.
“Get on, I can get us there in five minutes.”
“Five minutes?” I asked, suspicion in my voice. “You wouldn’t happen to break any speed limits along the way would you?”
“Well duh, speed limits are for those pussys afraid to make the cops mad. Come on Cloud, I won’t get caught.”
I looked at him doubtfully, but if I rode with him I wouldn’t have to walk to school. “Alright,” I finally conceded. “Just don’t kill me ok? I’d like to live a few more years.” My response got a bark of a laugh from Leon, followed by his reassurances that he wouldn’t do anything dangerous.
We go to school in a record 4 minutes, which of course made Leon want to brag. Every friend we met was forced to endure his speech of how he was “king of the road” and he could “out-race anyone”. I of course, was used as proof of his amazing feat.
Eventually though he calmed down and I was granted the peace of not having to listen to him. We wandered the halls in the small amount of time we had before school started. Various other students lined the halls, all clustered in their little groups of friends talking about where they would go for lunch, or gossiping about who was dating who. It was nice to listen to the mindless babble of teenagers who had nothing of real importance on their minds.
“Are you listening to me? Hellooooo earth to Cloud. You alive?” Leon’s gloved hand waved in front of my face, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“What?” I asked, glaring at my friend. He smiled and pointed over to a group of girls standing in the middle of the hall. The were standing in a circle, all wearing pink and carrying at least one purse. The clothes they wore were designer, and their bags alone were probably worth a couple hundred bucks.
“Prep squad.” we both stated at once. Those girls were like hyenas, and I mean that literally. Hyenas are dominated by the females in a hierarchy system. There was the top hyena, a ravenous bitch that would chew up and spit out any male. Unfortunately for me, that black widow of a girl had an attachment to me.
“Let’s split, I don’t want to be around when they notice me.” Leon nodded in agreement and we scooted off down a side hall. Once we were sure that we were a safe distance away Leon let out a laugh.
“Any other guy would pay a million dollars for a chance to go out with her, yet you avoid her like the plague.”
“Well no duh. She’s a man eater I swear, besides, I could never be with a girl that shallow, I mean come on, she’d date any guy in this school if he had enough money or the right looks.”
Leon snorted. “Whatever man, I think you should just do it, you know, you haven’t had a relationship in….ever.”
I managed to glare at Leon without him noticing. “You know I can’t have a relationship Leon…if Sephiroth knew…”
“Screw Sephiroth.” Leon growled, apologizing when I winced. “I mean, that bastard’s been making your life hell ever since your mother died. I say run away, come live with me or something.”
“Thanks for the offer.” I replied. “But no thanks. The second I come over to your house you can expect him to burn it down. I’m sorry Leon, I’m stuck with him and there is nothing I can do about it.”
“Can’t you call like, those child abuse people or something? I mean, you can’t just sit there and let him do this to you.”
“Oh really, and what happens when they throw him in jail? What happens to me then huh? I’m too young to live on my own and there is no way in hell I’m going to travel back and forth between foster homes that can’t handle someone like me.” Leon started to respond but I stopped him with a glare. “Drop it Leon, I’ll see you at lunch.” As if on cue, the bell rang, and I turned away from my best friend to go to class.
I came to school to forget, but everyone continually reminds me.