Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Contrl is an Illusion ❯ Degration ( Chapter 2 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Koji Inari 
Cloud's life just got orse.
Non Anime: Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Hentai / Psychological / Romance / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 01.20.2007 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.7K | Visits: 555 | Status: Work In Progress
Cloud's life just got orse.
Non Anime: Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Hentai / Psychological / Romance / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 01.20.2007 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.7K | Visits: 555 | Status: Work In Progress
: I don’t own anything connected to Kingdom Hearts, it is owned by Square Einix
Music: AFI-Rabbits are Road kill on Route 37 (I love this song…)
Rating: M
Warnings: Yaoi, rape, alcohol, masochism, and a crap load of other stuff. Cloud gets raped in this chapter, but I will have it clearly marked so if you want to skip it you can.
Author’s Note: It seems like I start so many things and never finish the others…in any case I promise to get back to the others stories soon! Really, I promise. Also, it was pointed out to me that , yet again, I spelled Sephiroth’s name wrong. I corrected it though so it’s all good now.
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I started home when Leon pulled out in front of me on his bike. He gave me one of his classic smiles and motioned for me to get on. I shook my head. “Sorry Leon, I don’t want to get home early.”
“You don’t have to,” Leon replied, motioning for me to get on once again. “I’m taking you out for food, come on.”
“Is that an invitation to a date? Why Leon, I didn’t know you were gay.”
Leon frowned at this and growled at me. “I’m not asking you on a date stupid, I’m taking you away from that home of yours for an hour or so. Besides, Axel will be there, and so will Sora and Riku, you haven’t seen them in forever, come on.”
I frowned and weighed my options. Sephiroth usually didn’t get home till later in the day, so I had a few hours open, what could it hurt? But then again, if I went, and Sephiroth got home early…
“Alright, I’ll go.”
Leon smiled and threw me a helmet. “Get on, we don’t have all day.”
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I almost passed out on the way to the mall. Leon drove like a maniac, weaving in and out of traffic at 80 mph or more. He was a moron when it came to driving, and I wanted him to slow down, but I was too scared that if I told him to I’d distract him and we’d end up road kill.
Finally we arrived at the mall. I got off the bike and almost fell over. My legs felt like water and my stomach felt as if it had wiggled its way up into my throat. Leon caught me and helped me stand up straight.
“Whoa Cloud you ok? You seem a little pale.”
“Yeah…I’m fine, I just saw my life pass before my eyes! Damn, I’m going to take this bike away from you before you kill yourself, and someone else!”
“Heh, calm down. I’m not that bad of a driver.”
“Say that to my stomach.”
“CLOUD!!!”
“Eh?” I looked up to see a pint-sized brunette come out of nowhere and glomp me, knocking me back onto the pavement. “Ow…Sora? Have you gained weight?” I looked at the bouncy brunette sitting on my chest.
“That’s rude, I have not gained weight!” Sora glared at me and stuck his tongue out.
“That’s nice, now can you please get off my chest before my ribcage collapses?”
Sora growled and pulled himself off my chest. “Don’t be so grumpy Cloud, I haven’t seen you in like, forever you know?” He looked around then looked back down at me. “Come on, move your ass, Axel and Riku are waiting!”
“I’m up I’m up, don’t worry about if I broke anything or not…” Sora rolled his eyes at my response and grabbed my hand, dragging me toward the entrance to the food court.
“Hurry up! You’re too slow!.”
Eventually we made it over to the food court. Axel and Riku were sitting at a table with a crap load of food in front of them. Inwardly I smiled, they knew I was coming. I always ate a lot when I ate out, that would be Sephiroth’s fault, he never let me eat much at home.
Riku cheered up as Sora approached them. He jumped up from his seat and ran over to greet the bouncy brunette by glomping him. “You took too long! I’ve been forced to sit here and listen to Axel talk on and on about your cousin!! I swear he won’t leave me alone!!” Sora’s cousin was Roxas, a boy who looked exactly like him except that he had blonde hair. Roxas’s name even had all the same letters in it as Sora’s name, except for the added x. Axel had been secretly trying to get Sora to hook him up with Roxas for almost a year now.
I just smiled and pretended I had no clue what anyone was talking about, my attention was on the food. Cheeseburgers, popcorn chicken, French fries, Chinese food, tater tots, soda, and more junk food was crammed onto the little table. My mouth was drooling at the thought of all that food.
Leon saw me drifting toward the junk food and reached out to pull me back. “Sorry Cloud, I’m not letting you near the food just yet, you’ll eat so much we’ll have to roll you out of here in a wheel barrow, if we can even fit you through the door.”
I growled and pretended to bite Leon, he pulled back just in time, and in order to keep himself from falling, let go of me. I made a mad dash for the table and managed to snatch a cheeseburger before Axel tackled me to the ground. I landed with a loud “umph” and groaned as Axel’s elbow caught me in the ribs, right where a large bruise Sephiroth had given me was.
Axel was laughing and pulled himself off me, he reached out to grab my hand and help me up, when he noticed that I hadn’t yet moved. I lay there, squished cheeseburger in hand, holding my side in pain. “You ok?” he asked, worried that he had hurt me.
“Fine” I groaned. I tried to move to sit up, but when I did I found I couldn’t breathe, so I collapsed again. By this time Riku, Sora, and Leon had all gathered around me. Leon squatted down and felt along my side near where Axel had hit me. He gasped as his fingers ran across a rather large bump, gingerly, he lifted my shirt up enough to see my ribs.
The whole side of me was black and blue and swollen, though it wasn’t from Axel hitting me. It hurt like hell, and when Leon ran his hand gently over the bump I let out a gasp of pain. Even the slightest touch brought tears to my eyes.
“How long have you had this Cloud? It looks like someone beat the hell out of you.” Leon’s cool gaze moved from my ribs back up to my eyes. I hesitated to answer, but by the look in his eyes I could tell he knew. Riku looked at us worriedly, and Sora looked like he was going to be sick. Axel stood there with this stupid look on his face, the kind you see on a person who just saw their best friend get hit with a car.
“Is there a problem over here boys?” One of the fat old security guards had finally noticed that there was a crowd of teenagers surrounding a guy with a very big bruise. Aren’t they observant? I sure feel safer with them protecting the mall from shoplifters and their ilk.
“No…I’m fine.” I croaked, trying to force myself to get up. Leon gave me a warning glance not to move, but as usual, I ignored him. “I just fell is all.”
The guard made a noise somewhere between a grunt and a cough before turning away from us, twirling that twig of a nightstick of his. “You should get that bruise checked out, it doesn’t look healthy.”
Mentally I laughed at his remark. Right, get this checked out, and they would ask what happened to give me this bruise, and no doctor in his right mind would believe me that I got it from being tackled by a guy who weighed a heck of a lot less than me.
When the security guard left I got up, with the help of Riku and Sora, who were careful not to touch the bruise on my side. I sat back in a chair and worked to regain my breath. Normally my bruises didn’t hurt that bad, he must have hurt something internally more than usual.
“Cloud.” Leon demanded. I glanced over to him to show I was listening, but I didn’t like the seriousness in his eyes. “Cloud. Does Sephiroth beat you?”
It took a moment for me to answer. Leon was my best friend, I didn’t want to lie to him, but then again, I couldn’t tell him the truth, that yes, Sephiroth beat me, and he also did so much more. Leon thought Sephiroth was bad from what had told him, but he didn’t even come close to knowing the true horror that awaited me nearly every night. I couldn’t tell him, I was too ashamed, and too scared.
“No.”
“Cloud….”
“I said no.” My eyes relayed the message loud and clear. They said ‘I’m not fooling around Leon, I won’t tell you so don’t press it.’ He understood, because he didn’t press me for anymore questions, and neither did the others.
The rest of the time at the mall was carried out in almost silence. No one spoke, no one chattered about simple little things that teens chat about all the time. It was just quiet. You’d have thought I had died by the way they were acting. Finally, after not being able to take the silence anymore, I motioned to Leon that I wanted to leave.
We all said our goodbyes and Leon drove home slowly, taking the long way around.
------------------------------------------
It gets graphic here people, Cloud is about to get raped, so if you are against that, or don’t want to see Cloud tortured beyond what any living thing should be forced to endure than please skip this, just know that Cloud did get raped by Sephiroth.
-------------------------------------------
“You’re late.”
That fluid voice made me freeze as I opened the door. He was sitting in a chair, facing the front door, his eyes that clear glowing green, his hair hanging down, neat as always, though he never brushed it. He was angry, I could tell by his eyes, though his body language would have suggested he was completely calm.
“I went out with some friends. They bought me diner.” I replied smoothly, laying my backpack by the door, I didn’t shut it though, if he chose to become violent it would make it easier to run.
“A girlfriend?” he asked. I shook my head.
“No, just Leon.”
“You’re too friendly with that boy. Don’t fall for him, I won’t have a fag son running around this house.”
‘You should be the one to talk you bastard’ I thought, though I kept my opinion to myself. I only nodded in response.
Any other person would have thought this was a gruff, but fairly normal conversation. That was, unless they saw those eyes of his. Those predatory eyes. Those eyes haunted my dreams, they seemed as if they could pierce right through you, as if they could see into your soul, revealing everything bad you had ever done. They made me insecure, they made me scared, they made me sick.
“Shut the door, it’s too cold to let the heat out.”
That was the order I had been waiting for. The moment the door was shut it would begin, just as it always did. My punishment. I always had punishment, it didn’t matter if I had done anything wrong or not, if he didn’t like the color of my socks he would punish me. Sometimes it was just a beating, just his punching me a few times. But if he was drunk…
I shut the door.
“Come here,” he demanded. I didn’t move at first, but slowly, surely, my feet moved toward him. If I didn’t comply now it would only get worse later on.. I stopped a few feet in front of him, not daring to get any closer unless he told me to.
He stood up, his silvery hair shimmering in the dim light. I would remember the gleam of that hair for the rest of my life. I was captivated by it, like a child with a shiny penny. I watched that hair throughout the following events, because it was so easy to lose my mind and not think about the actions, to blot out those memories.
He pressed up against me, and I dared not move, his hand slid up my shirt, and I dared not shiver, he played with my body, and I dared not make a sound. My only reaction was an occasional hitch in my breath as his hand explored, crawling over past bruises and sensitive areas. He toyed with me, pushed me to he limit, all within a matter of minutes, long, silent, scary, minutes.
He was drunk, I could smell the alcohol on his breath from where I was, though he was so much taller than I. I had hoped that maybe, just maybe, he’d be sober tonight, so he could hit me, so he wouldn’t see me as an object of lust, so he wouldn’t rape me.
“You’ve been a bad boy…coming home late…I was worried about you…” Mistakenly I groaned as he pushed his hand hard against my bruise. My knees turned to water and I almost fell over, but I caught myself at the last minute. For my mistake, he pushed that spot harder, making tears come to my eyes. “I was afraid my little dog had run away, that I had lost my little girl…tell me…what are you?”
“Your bitch.” I mumbled. It was the same act I had been through countless times, but it never got any easier to degrade myself.
“I can’t hear you…” he growled, pinching a piece of bruised skin.
“Your bitch!” I practically yelled, more tears streaming to my eyes from pain and humiliation.
He nodded his head, satisfied by my answer. “And what does my little bitch want to do to me? What do you want to do to make your daddy happy?”
“I want…” I choked, but somehow I managed to swallow the bile rising in my throat. “I want to lick you.”
He nodded again, satisfied with my answer. “I don’t know if I should let my bitch lick me. It might not be to my liking. Does my little bitch really want to lick me?”
“Yes, I really want to lick you, please let me lick you.”
“Very well, but only if my little bitch can be a good girl, then I’ll let her have the treat and lick me.”
He always did this, when he got into this mood he would call me ‘his little bitch’ and refer to me as a girl. It was if I was some sort of free prostitute for him, and if I didn’t go along with it…if I didn’t do exactly as he wanted…
Another pinch came on my sensitive bruise, I wasn’t expecting it, and yelped in surprise. He got mad, he got very mad.
“Does my little bitch not like the attention she is getting? Does she not like it when I pet her?” Green fire glowed in his drunken eyes, he pushed, and I landed heavily on the tiled floor. Brokenly I whimpered and curled in on myself as a reflex. His foot connected to my stomach hard, and it took all I had not to scream out in pain. As it was I still spit out some bile and blood onto the floor.
“My little bitch isn’t being very good today. She shouldn’t misbehave, it will make me think that she should go to the pound.”
The pound was bondage. He would lock me up, sometimes for a week, leaving me tied to the bed naked with nothing to eat or drink. He was constantly drunk, and he’d rape me, a lot, to the point where I would throw up repeatedly. When I got out of the pound, I was usually too weak to walk, and would have to spend the next day in bed.
“Does my little bitch want to go to the pound?”
I shook my head.
“Good, now get into the bedroom before I change my mind.”
I didn’t waste any time, I simply crawled as fast as my legs would carry me. I could already feel another bruise forming on my stomach where he had kicked me.
Once in the bedroom he forced me onto the bed and proceeded to take off my clothes, saying things like “My little bitch looks too hot in those clothes.” Then he would stare at me, for minutes on end with those scanning eyes.
We finally got to the really dirty stuff, he wanted me to “lick” him like a dog. What he meant was to lick his dick. He would control my every movement, making absolutely sure that I didn’t do anything he wouldn’t like. When I messed up, he would hit me, usually on top of another bruise. I wouldn’t have been surprised if some of my ribs were broken.
Finally he got tired of waiting. And now came the part that hurt the most. I could take being hit, I could take the mental breaking, but this….violation that he loved to drag out, it was far worse than all the rest. He took me, and placed me on my bruised stomach. Then, without lube or any kind of preparation, he‘d enter me. But he‘d enter slow, taking his time and dragging out the pain. Most people would think going slower would be less painful, but a quick thrust was always easier to take then the slow maneuvering into my body.
Angrily I gripped the sheets. Bile was rising in my throat, but I dared not struggle or make any noise.
Then he would start his slow methodical thrusts, never quite hitting that spot of pleasure, just leaving me to grind my teeth and endure the pain. He’d drag it out, going slow, making sure I felt him inside me, degrading me further. I blanked out sometime in there, not paying attention to the pain or the feeling of his body on mine. He smelled, no reeked, of alcohol, and soon that smell became ingrained in my senses.
Eventually he’d reach his climax, leaving me feeling like an empty shell. He rolled over and stare at the ceiling, panting heavily, until finally sleep overcame him.
Then I got up, careful not to disturb him, and collect my scattered clothes. I walked back to my room and locked myself in, where I went to the bathroom and retched several times, emptying all the food my friends had gotten me today into the sewers.
When I finally got to bed, I collapsed, and lay there, tears streaming from my eyes. Blood from some open cuts and my ass leaked out onto my sheets, but I didn’t care, I was too exhausted and scared to care. All I could do was lay there and cry, cry until my eyes glued themselves shut, cry until I couldn’t think straight, cry until I choked.
Music: AFI-Rabbits are Road kill on Route 37 (I love this song…)
Rating: M
Warnings: Yaoi, rape, alcohol, masochism, and a crap load of other stuff. Cloud gets raped in this chapter, but I will have it clearly marked so if you want to skip it you can.
Author’s Note: It seems like I start so many things and never finish the others…in any case I promise to get back to the others stories soon! Really, I promise. Also, it was pointed out to me that , yet again, I spelled Sephiroth’s name wrong. I corrected it though so it’s all good now.
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Control is an Illusion
My classes were boring, as usual. English was too easy, Art was uninspirational, TV was just another period of wandering the halls taping water fountains and ditching teenagers, Lunch was filled with happy mindless chatter about kid stuff, Chemistry was full of things I couldn’t understand, Calculus I slept, and Government we had a test I never finished. I’d say the highest point of the day was sleeping through my 6th hour, at least I got some peaceful sleep. Now I could go home and face the same thing I always did, and if I was lucky, Sephiroth had drank himself into a stupor and was lying in a ditch somewhere with his throat slit and all his money gone.I started home when Leon pulled out in front of me on his bike. He gave me one of his classic smiles and motioned for me to get on. I shook my head. “Sorry Leon, I don’t want to get home early.”
“You don’t have to,” Leon replied, motioning for me to get on once again. “I’m taking you out for food, come on.”
“Is that an invitation to a date? Why Leon, I didn’t know you were gay.”
Leon frowned at this and growled at me. “I’m not asking you on a date stupid, I’m taking you away from that home of yours for an hour or so. Besides, Axel will be there, and so will Sora and Riku, you haven’t seen them in forever, come on.”
I frowned and weighed my options. Sephiroth usually didn’t get home till later in the day, so I had a few hours open, what could it hurt? But then again, if I went, and Sephiroth got home early…
“Alright, I’ll go.”
Leon smiled and threw me a helmet. “Get on, we don’t have all day.”
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I almost passed out on the way to the mall. Leon drove like a maniac, weaving in and out of traffic at 80 mph or more. He was a moron when it came to driving, and I wanted him to slow down, but I was too scared that if I told him to I’d distract him and we’d end up road kill.
Finally we arrived at the mall. I got off the bike and almost fell over. My legs felt like water and my stomach felt as if it had wiggled its way up into my throat. Leon caught me and helped me stand up straight.
“Whoa Cloud you ok? You seem a little pale.”
“Yeah…I’m fine, I just saw my life pass before my eyes! Damn, I’m going to take this bike away from you before you kill yourself, and someone else!”
“Heh, calm down. I’m not that bad of a driver.”
“Say that to my stomach.”
“CLOUD!!!”
“Eh?” I looked up to see a pint-sized brunette come out of nowhere and glomp me, knocking me back onto the pavement. “Ow…Sora? Have you gained weight?” I looked at the bouncy brunette sitting on my chest.
“That’s rude, I have not gained weight!” Sora glared at me and stuck his tongue out.
“That’s nice, now can you please get off my chest before my ribcage collapses?”
Sora growled and pulled himself off my chest. “Don’t be so grumpy Cloud, I haven’t seen you in like, forever you know?” He looked around then looked back down at me. “Come on, move your ass, Axel and Riku are waiting!”
“I’m up I’m up, don’t worry about if I broke anything or not…” Sora rolled his eyes at my response and grabbed my hand, dragging me toward the entrance to the food court.
“Hurry up! You’re too slow!.”
Eventually we made it over to the food court. Axel and Riku were sitting at a table with a crap load of food in front of them. Inwardly I smiled, they knew I was coming. I always ate a lot when I ate out, that would be Sephiroth’s fault, he never let me eat much at home.
Riku cheered up as Sora approached them. He jumped up from his seat and ran over to greet the bouncy brunette by glomping him. “You took too long! I’ve been forced to sit here and listen to Axel talk on and on about your cousin!! I swear he won’t leave me alone!!” Sora’s cousin was Roxas, a boy who looked exactly like him except that he had blonde hair. Roxas’s name even had all the same letters in it as Sora’s name, except for the added x. Axel had been secretly trying to get Sora to hook him up with Roxas for almost a year now.
I just smiled and pretended I had no clue what anyone was talking about, my attention was on the food. Cheeseburgers, popcorn chicken, French fries, Chinese food, tater tots, soda, and more junk food was crammed onto the little table. My mouth was drooling at the thought of all that food.
Leon saw me drifting toward the junk food and reached out to pull me back. “Sorry Cloud, I’m not letting you near the food just yet, you’ll eat so much we’ll have to roll you out of here in a wheel barrow, if we can even fit you through the door.”
I growled and pretended to bite Leon, he pulled back just in time, and in order to keep himself from falling, let go of me. I made a mad dash for the table and managed to snatch a cheeseburger before Axel tackled me to the ground. I landed with a loud “umph” and groaned as Axel’s elbow caught me in the ribs, right where a large bruise Sephiroth had given me was.
Axel was laughing and pulled himself off me, he reached out to grab my hand and help me up, when he noticed that I hadn’t yet moved. I lay there, squished cheeseburger in hand, holding my side in pain. “You ok?” he asked, worried that he had hurt me.
“Fine” I groaned. I tried to move to sit up, but when I did I found I couldn’t breathe, so I collapsed again. By this time Riku, Sora, and Leon had all gathered around me. Leon squatted down and felt along my side near where Axel had hit me. He gasped as his fingers ran across a rather large bump, gingerly, he lifted my shirt up enough to see my ribs.
The whole side of me was black and blue and swollen, though it wasn’t from Axel hitting me. It hurt like hell, and when Leon ran his hand gently over the bump I let out a gasp of pain. Even the slightest touch brought tears to my eyes.
“How long have you had this Cloud? It looks like someone beat the hell out of you.” Leon’s cool gaze moved from my ribs back up to my eyes. I hesitated to answer, but by the look in his eyes I could tell he knew. Riku looked at us worriedly, and Sora looked like he was going to be sick. Axel stood there with this stupid look on his face, the kind you see on a person who just saw their best friend get hit with a car.
“Is there a problem over here boys?” One of the fat old security guards had finally noticed that there was a crowd of teenagers surrounding a guy with a very big bruise. Aren’t they observant? I sure feel safer with them protecting the mall from shoplifters and their ilk.
“No…I’m fine.” I croaked, trying to force myself to get up. Leon gave me a warning glance not to move, but as usual, I ignored him. “I just fell is all.”
The guard made a noise somewhere between a grunt and a cough before turning away from us, twirling that twig of a nightstick of his. “You should get that bruise checked out, it doesn’t look healthy.”
Mentally I laughed at his remark. Right, get this checked out, and they would ask what happened to give me this bruise, and no doctor in his right mind would believe me that I got it from being tackled by a guy who weighed a heck of a lot less than me.
When the security guard left I got up, with the help of Riku and Sora, who were careful not to touch the bruise on my side. I sat back in a chair and worked to regain my breath. Normally my bruises didn’t hurt that bad, he must have hurt something internally more than usual.
“Cloud.” Leon demanded. I glanced over to him to show I was listening, but I didn’t like the seriousness in his eyes. “Cloud. Does Sephiroth beat you?”
It took a moment for me to answer. Leon was my best friend, I didn’t want to lie to him, but then again, I couldn’t tell him the truth, that yes, Sephiroth beat me, and he also did so much more. Leon thought Sephiroth was bad from what had told him, but he didn’t even come close to knowing the true horror that awaited me nearly every night. I couldn’t tell him, I was too ashamed, and too scared.
“No.”
“Cloud….”
“I said no.” My eyes relayed the message loud and clear. They said ‘I’m not fooling around Leon, I won’t tell you so don’t press it.’ He understood, because he didn’t press me for anymore questions, and neither did the others.
The rest of the time at the mall was carried out in almost silence. No one spoke, no one chattered about simple little things that teens chat about all the time. It was just quiet. You’d have thought I had died by the way they were acting. Finally, after not being able to take the silence anymore, I motioned to Leon that I wanted to leave.
We all said our goodbyes and Leon drove home slowly, taking the long way around.
------------------------------------------
It gets graphic here people, Cloud is about to get raped, so if you are against that, or don’t want to see Cloud tortured beyond what any living thing should be forced to endure than please skip this, just know that Cloud did get raped by Sephiroth.
-------------------------------------------
“You’re late.”
That fluid voice made me freeze as I opened the door. He was sitting in a chair, facing the front door, his eyes that clear glowing green, his hair hanging down, neat as always, though he never brushed it. He was angry, I could tell by his eyes, though his body language would have suggested he was completely calm.
“I went out with some friends. They bought me diner.” I replied smoothly, laying my backpack by the door, I didn’t shut it though, if he chose to become violent it would make it easier to run.
“A girlfriend?” he asked. I shook my head.
“No, just Leon.”
“You’re too friendly with that boy. Don’t fall for him, I won’t have a fag son running around this house.”
‘You should be the one to talk you bastard’ I thought, though I kept my opinion to myself. I only nodded in response.
Any other person would have thought this was a gruff, but fairly normal conversation. That was, unless they saw those eyes of his. Those predatory eyes. Those eyes haunted my dreams, they seemed as if they could pierce right through you, as if they could see into your soul, revealing everything bad you had ever done. They made me insecure, they made me scared, they made me sick.
“Shut the door, it’s too cold to let the heat out.”
That was the order I had been waiting for. The moment the door was shut it would begin, just as it always did. My punishment. I always had punishment, it didn’t matter if I had done anything wrong or not, if he didn’t like the color of my socks he would punish me. Sometimes it was just a beating, just his punching me a few times. But if he was drunk…
I shut the door.
“Come here,” he demanded. I didn’t move at first, but slowly, surely, my feet moved toward him. If I didn’t comply now it would only get worse later on.. I stopped a few feet in front of him, not daring to get any closer unless he told me to.
He stood up, his silvery hair shimmering in the dim light. I would remember the gleam of that hair for the rest of my life. I was captivated by it, like a child with a shiny penny. I watched that hair throughout the following events, because it was so easy to lose my mind and not think about the actions, to blot out those memories.
He pressed up against me, and I dared not move, his hand slid up my shirt, and I dared not shiver, he played with my body, and I dared not make a sound. My only reaction was an occasional hitch in my breath as his hand explored, crawling over past bruises and sensitive areas. He toyed with me, pushed me to he limit, all within a matter of minutes, long, silent, scary, minutes.
He was drunk, I could smell the alcohol on his breath from where I was, though he was so much taller than I. I had hoped that maybe, just maybe, he’d be sober tonight, so he could hit me, so he wouldn’t see me as an object of lust, so he wouldn’t rape me.
“You’ve been a bad boy…coming home late…I was worried about you…” Mistakenly I groaned as he pushed his hand hard against my bruise. My knees turned to water and I almost fell over, but I caught myself at the last minute. For my mistake, he pushed that spot harder, making tears come to my eyes. “I was afraid my little dog had run away, that I had lost my little girl…tell me…what are you?”
“Your bitch.” I mumbled. It was the same act I had been through countless times, but it never got any easier to degrade myself.
“I can’t hear you…” he growled, pinching a piece of bruised skin.
“Your bitch!” I practically yelled, more tears streaming to my eyes from pain and humiliation.
He nodded his head, satisfied by my answer. “And what does my little bitch want to do to me? What do you want to do to make your daddy happy?”
“I want…” I choked, but somehow I managed to swallow the bile rising in my throat. “I want to lick you.”
He nodded again, satisfied with my answer. “I don’t know if I should let my bitch lick me. It might not be to my liking. Does my little bitch really want to lick me?”
“Yes, I really want to lick you, please let me lick you.”
“Very well, but only if my little bitch can be a good girl, then I’ll let her have the treat and lick me.”
He always did this, when he got into this mood he would call me ‘his little bitch’ and refer to me as a girl. It was if I was some sort of free prostitute for him, and if I didn’t go along with it…if I didn’t do exactly as he wanted…
Another pinch came on my sensitive bruise, I wasn’t expecting it, and yelped in surprise. He got mad, he got very mad.
“Does my little bitch not like the attention she is getting? Does she not like it when I pet her?” Green fire glowed in his drunken eyes, he pushed, and I landed heavily on the tiled floor. Brokenly I whimpered and curled in on myself as a reflex. His foot connected to my stomach hard, and it took all I had not to scream out in pain. As it was I still spit out some bile and blood onto the floor.
“My little bitch isn’t being very good today. She shouldn’t misbehave, it will make me think that she should go to the pound.”
The pound was bondage. He would lock me up, sometimes for a week, leaving me tied to the bed naked with nothing to eat or drink. He was constantly drunk, and he’d rape me, a lot, to the point where I would throw up repeatedly. When I got out of the pound, I was usually too weak to walk, and would have to spend the next day in bed.
“Does my little bitch want to go to the pound?”
I shook my head.
“Good, now get into the bedroom before I change my mind.”
I didn’t waste any time, I simply crawled as fast as my legs would carry me. I could already feel another bruise forming on my stomach where he had kicked me.
Once in the bedroom he forced me onto the bed and proceeded to take off my clothes, saying things like “My little bitch looks too hot in those clothes.” Then he would stare at me, for minutes on end with those scanning eyes.
We finally got to the really dirty stuff, he wanted me to “lick” him like a dog. What he meant was to lick his dick. He would control my every movement, making absolutely sure that I didn’t do anything he wouldn’t like. When I messed up, he would hit me, usually on top of another bruise. I wouldn’t have been surprised if some of my ribs were broken.
Finally he got tired of waiting. And now came the part that hurt the most. I could take being hit, I could take the mental breaking, but this….violation that he loved to drag out, it was far worse than all the rest. He took me, and placed me on my bruised stomach. Then, without lube or any kind of preparation, he‘d enter me. But he‘d enter slow, taking his time and dragging out the pain. Most people would think going slower would be less painful, but a quick thrust was always easier to take then the slow maneuvering into my body.
Angrily I gripped the sheets. Bile was rising in my throat, but I dared not struggle or make any noise.
Then he would start his slow methodical thrusts, never quite hitting that spot of pleasure, just leaving me to grind my teeth and endure the pain. He’d drag it out, going slow, making sure I felt him inside me, degrading me further. I blanked out sometime in there, not paying attention to the pain or the feeling of his body on mine. He smelled, no reeked, of alcohol, and soon that smell became ingrained in my senses.
Eventually he’d reach his climax, leaving me feeling like an empty shell. He rolled over and stare at the ceiling, panting heavily, until finally sleep overcame him.
Then I got up, careful not to disturb him, and collect my scattered clothes. I walked back to my room and locked myself in, where I went to the bathroom and retched several times, emptying all the food my friends had gotten me today into the sewers.
When I finally got to bed, I collapsed, and lay there, tears streaming from my eyes. Blood from some open cuts and my ass leaked out onto my sheets, but I didn’t care, I was too exhausted and scared to care. All I could do was lay there and cry, cry until my eyes glued themselves shut, cry until I couldn’t think straight, cry until I choked.