Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Desperate Reflections ❯ Interlude 02: Subtle Calls ( Chapter 4 )

Thanks to all my readers and reviewers!!!

 

A/N: You all tried valiantly, but no one could guess them all. Abarai and Arisawa were from Bleach. Miang and Ramsus were from Xenogears. Ceran (Seiran) was from an anime called Saiunkoku Monogatari.

 

I promise, Chapter 3, is LONG, so this interlude should only whet your appetite. Thanks!

 

Interlude 2: Subtle Calls

 

[Part 2.1]

 

Riku had always been a light sleeper, even before the events that had unfolded six months previous. Every little noise or jostle to his bed, a flash of light or a clap of thunder, would rouse him from his sleep, and he would awaken fully alert. When he started sharing his bed with Sora again, much like when they were younger, he still hadn't lost that annoying habit. Being as the other boy tended to move about in his sleep, Riku had learned to fall back into slumber quite easily.

 

Yet, tonight it wasn't that simple. He woke up first when an elbow pitched into the tender flesh of his belly and came fully alert when the sound of mumbling and barely restrained whimpers floated to his ears. This particular evening Sora had snuck into his house for the night, planning on leaving early in the morning. The younger male was always the first one to wake up, despite his propensity for deep, almost dead-to-the-world sleep.

 

Tired aqua eyes turned towards his bedmate where one arm lay curled near his stomach. Sora had wrestled himself around to his back, though he was twitching, tossing and turning back and forth. His lips perpetually moved, sometimes vocalizing a mumble, but otherwise, there were no words. He was covered in a thick sheen of sweat, as if he had been fighting some unnamed enemy, and one hand clutched continuously at the covers. Beneath his lids, Riku could see Sora's eyes moving restlessly.

 

The silver-eyed male frowned, sitting up fully and shifting to wake up Sora, who was obviously caught in some sort of nightmare. But as his hand hovered over his lover's shoulder, a strange pulse of magic, unlike anything he had ever felt before, tingled across his fingers. He recoiled instantly from the unfamiliar sensation, unable to tell if it was of good or evil intent. It certainly didn't give the same aura as Sora when he was working his own magic.

 

A small tendril of fear curled in his belly, and Riku pushed through the uncomfortable pulse of magic to lay his hand on his mate's shoulders. His skin was warm, almost feverish, even as Riku could feel the muscles flexing beneath his touch. He opened his mouth, intent on calling Sora's name as he squeezed the younger male's shoulder, but before the words could even escape his mouth, Sora gave one final jerk before coming to a complete still, his eyes shuttering open.

 

“Sora!”

 

An ocean blue eye opened and centered directly upon him. “R… Riku?” questioned the other boy in a confused tone, panting slightly. His gaze darted about him, seemingly taking in his surroundings as he frowned with that continuously cute pout, flexing the fingers of his hand.

 

Riku brushed a hand across his lover's forehead, wiping away the sweat and pushing back drenched spikes. “What the hell was that?” he asked, lowering his tone on instinct.

 

The brunet drew in a shuddery breath, one mildly shaking hand reaching out and grasping Riku's. “I…” He paused, taking another breath as he blinked slowly. “It was so strange.”

 

The older male furrowed his brow in confusion and concern, shifting a little to pull the trembling boy into his arms. “Tell me,” he commanded gently, tucking Sora's head beneath his chin.

 

He could feel Sora nod under him. “There was someone struggling, fighting against an enemy he couldn't see or touch. And he was losing the battle, blood staining the ground, jade green flashing. Lots of indistinguishable colors, and they mostly blurred all together. Then, I was running towards him, screaming and calling his name, though I couldn't hear anything. It was deadly silent, like someone had muted everything.”

 

Riku pursed his lips in thought, casually stroking one hand down Sora's back to calm him. He didn't even want to think for one moment that danger was again coming to the universe. They had just saved the damn thing six months ago. Weren't they allowed some sort of rest? Especially Sora. The younger boy had been unusually quiet lately and oddly broody and contemplative. That coupled with his worries over things they couldn't change left Riku feeling powerless, and above all things, he hated that feeling.

 

“Do you remember what this man looked like?” Riku questioned, fighting down his own inner aggravation and worry. There were times that Sora, despite his strength, could be unexpectedly frail, and this appeared to be one of them. Although Riku was certain that it wouldn't be long before Sora would have to comfort him.

 

Sora shrugged against him. “No. It was blurry. And even if I did, I couldn't recognize him. I kept calling, saying things like, `don't give up.' And then, it was like there was two of me suddenly running except the other me was blond… and he was even more frantic than me. Like something inside of me was calling out to the struggling guy. It really looked like he was going to… die.”

 

“Die?” asked Riku, prompting the brunet to shake his head.

 

“No, not die. Somehow, that's the wrong word.” He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. “I can't explain it,” he finally claimed with a sigh. “It was just a feeling.”

 

The silver-haired male bit back the urge to laugh. At least Sora had finally stopped trembling, and really, the pouting was too cute to be taken seriously. Instead, he snuggled closer to the younger boy, fighting down all urges that his body had at being near to his mate and attempted to return to sleep. Although they didn't have school the next day, they did have a mock dueling session with Tidus and Wakka, not that those two could take them down anymore.

 

“Just go back to sleep,” he murmured against Sora's hair, inhaling the scent of it. He always smelled good.

 

The younger male didn't appear to hear him, fidgeting about in his arms before finally heaving his body and turning over on his side so that he was face to face with his lover. “You still don't take me serious,” Sora complained.

 

“I take you serious… enough,” he amended. “But right now, I'm tired. Besides, you're warm, and certain parts of me are threatening to make this a long night. So sleep.” He closed his eyes and attempted to quell his lust, determined to go back to the land of dreams.

 

Sora sighed but snuggled closer to him anyways. “G'night, Riku.”

 

The silver-haired boy smiled when he heard his lover's voice even as he headed off into a sleep. That way he could worry on his own without Sora being concerned. Something was occurring, something strange. He could feel it. He didn't have an explanation, but he was determined to find out.

 

 

[Part 2.2]

 

It was yet another one of those times when he was slightly grateful for the extra strength his mutated body gave him. Axel wasn't exactly the smallest of people, even though he still managed to be taller than the new resident of Gaia's Grotto. The younger male wasn't heavy, but there was a lot of limb, and he was more than glad when he finally managed to get home and lay the redhead down on the bed. His wings twitched and stretched happily afterwards, not liking the extra dead weight.

 

The crimson-eyed man wasn't entirely sure what it was about Axel that made him different from the other few that he had managed to… well, he supposed rescue was the right term. But for some reason, he had the feeling that there was something in Axel that might give him the hope to get off Gaia's Grotto. He couldn't explain it, but there were a lot of things he didn't understand. As long as he had been on this accursed world, he had come to learn that there were some things he just had to accept, his wings being one of them.

 

There was much determination in those green eyes, despite the fact that Axel still knew very little about life on Gaia's Grotto. He wasn't aware that surviving the cleansing was only the beginning. From there on out, it would only get more difficult, harder to suppress the memory loss, hiding what was remembered… pretending to be someone. It didn't get easier with time, and every time, he felt a little of himself die the longer he remained in damned “paradise.”

 

Humph. Some heaven.

 

As he sat back comfortably into a chair in the room he had deemed for Axel's use, he couldn't help but wonder if he would ever escape from this deceptive hell. It had already been fifteen years by his count, though whether or not that meant anything in the outside, he couldn't say. He certainly didn't feel fifteen years older. And even if he did escape, there was no proof that he could survive beyond the world of Gaia's Grotto. He might very well be leaving to his own death.

Even so, he considered that better than the life he lived now. He never realized how much free will he had until it was taken away from him. Gaia's Grotto was little more than a colony of brain-washed people that lived under the pretense of a second chance. He supposed that at one time or another it may have been the paradise it was proclaimed to be, but now, it had degenerated into a prison without walls or fences, one that no one even realized was a cage.

 

Feh.

 

As it was, very few people actually died on Gaia, though some occasionally disappeared. The Guardians and those newly arrived usually perished at the claws of the memory beasts. There was the occasional accident, but murder and suicide… such things did not exist. They couldn't when one's mind was retrained to suppress such thoughts. And with the suppression of anger and jealousies, of sadness and despair, came the repression of happiness and joy as well. Those existing had merely shadows of true “life.”

 

He still remembered, surprisingly enough, the day he had been “rescued” by his guru, Kuja. The white-winged, almost angelic Gatherer had found him much the same way that he had found Axel, fighting off the memory beasts and calling out for his special someone. It had been Kuja who had taught him how to suppress the cleansing and how to survive.

 

Of course, Kuja had been looking to escape as well. He had wanted to return to his brother, to find his kin. The tailed male had been a heartless, originally killed by those who couldn't recognize him anymore. Ironically, they had been the friends of his dear brother.

 

Still, by the time he had met Kuja, the older male had been on Gaia's Grotto for eighteen years, though Kuja didn't appear to be any older than thirty-five. Regardless, by the twentieth year, Kuja, his dearest guru, had mysteriously vanished. He could only come to two conclusions. Either the man had simply disappeared like many others, or he had found a way free of Gaia's Grotto. Were it not for the fact he was certain Kuja would have found a way for him to be free as well, he might have believed the latter. As it was, he suspected something had happened. He just didn't know what.

 

After being on Gaia's Grotto himself for fifteen years, he was partially afraid that at twenty years, he might disappear also, even before he had a chance to find his freedom. Once Kuja had vanished, he had taken it upon himself to save those who might have a chance to keep their memories. He had rescued many, but there were few who made it through the cleansing. The council was rather thorough and swift.

 

And it took a strong heart, a strong mind, and a strong desire. Lacking even one of the three, a person was left a mindless drone, living out their “second” life in “paradise.” Ironically, this supposed Garden of Elysium was nothing more than a land of stone and rain, monotony and endless grief, and his only consolation for those lost was that they would never know what they were missing.

 

Truthfully, he didn't know whether to pity or envy them, and he longed every day to be free from his grey existence.

 

And of course, to return to him.

 

He often wondered during the long days and even longer nights if Cid would have even remembered him. Did his memories fade with time like his wanted to do? Had he moved on? Was there anything left for him to return to? Did it even matter?

 

That was the one truth that kept him going. It kept him searching, poring over old dusty tomes in the one library on Gaia's Grotto, asking for new information and seeking to save as many as he could, hoping one of them would arrive with the thing he needed to escape. He lived to return to Cid; it was the only meaningful thing in his worthless existence.

 

The strange memento he kept was the only physical object that reminded him of the gummy ship builder's existence. His memory was fleeting, often leaving him some days so that he could scarcely remember his own name, much less the name of his beloved. It was an unending battle against, so much so that he slept every night with the chain of military identification tags clutched tightly in his claws… so that when he awoke every morning it would be a reminder. He had nothing left in him but his few and precious memories.

 

Rough voice, easy laughter, proud words, and hopeful sky blue eyes, brighter even than the heavens above them. Even though this memento should have remained with his body when he died in his prior existence, somehow the object had survived. It was on his person when he had been rescued by Kuja, and it had been returned once he managed to come through the cleansing intact. Oddly enough, he had much the same for Axel. A small trinket he had found in the redhead's pocket. He would return it once Axel awoke, only keeping it safe for the moment. It was strange how such physical things could transfer to this in-between world.

 

But even then, he could feel them… the shadow beasts. They were watching and skulking from the darkness, black forms blending into the gloom with their glowing yellow eyes and licking their chops hungry for his most important possessions.

 

His fingers unconsciously tightened around the objects in his pocket, one a silver length of military tags, the other a strange metallic object with a chain dangling from one end. He didn't recognize the memento he had found on Axel, though he knew it was important. Either way, the solidness of both in his pocket helped ground him against the imposing glares of the shadow beasts.

 

They were hungry, but he refused to give up what was precious. He refused to lose his memories of blue eyes or the scent of cigarette smoke, choking though it may be. He refused, even when they sought to steal his very self, his purpose… his name.

 

His name…

 

He was…

 

“Vincent?” There was shifting sound, a rustling of covers perhaps. “Vincent?”

 

That's right.

 

His name was Vincent.

 

 

[Part 2.3]

 

It was a strange feeling, looking out through someone else's eyes, eyes that were the same as his own. Once, they had been his own, but that existence was a lie, a sham. Still, he had felt then, despite the fact that he wasn't supposed to have feelings.

 

Fuck that. He knew what was inside him. The yearning, the desire, the rage, the jealousy, and all of it coiled inside his heart because… yes, dammit, he had a heart. Otherwise, it wouldn't have hurt so badly; he wouldn't have craved so deeply.

 

But back to the eyes. He felt slightly guilty about forcing his emotions on Sora. Technically, he didn't even share his body with the boy, only able to force himself through the layers of unconsciousness to see the light after long moments of struggling and fighting. He was bonded, wholly and completely to that half he had been separated from for so long. He was a part of Sora and nothing could change that.

 

Still, he wished for something more. He missed… him. There was no other way to explain it. The stubborn bastard… he couldn't wait, could he? He had to make his own choices, his own manipulative plans. Like the “Flurry of Dancing Flames” he was named for, Axel had blazed his way against both the Organization and Ansem the Wise. And only when it was too late did he realize his own folly.

 

Not that he could blame the Nobody. He would have done the very same thing, though perhaps he would have been a bit more discreet.

 

So yes, he did feel somewhat blameworthy for the rush of sadness and longing that coursed through Sora at times, but he couldn't help it. Sometimes, they raged so strongly through his own non-being that it flowed into Sora… the one who actually deserved the life, the one who truly existed. Every time he saw the love when Riku looked at Sora, he always thought how unfair it all really was.

 

What kind of deity would make that possible? A person with his own consciousness, his own will and desire… yet not belonging to his own body, to his own self. It was cruel. There was no better word for it. Cruel… torturous… painful.

 

Was it too much to ask to want to see him again? Though the more rational part of him knew that Axel was dead, he couldn't help but wonder if maybe some part of him still lived. He had given his all in the kamikaze attack on the Nobodies. It wasn't fair. They didn't have a chance; they never got to say a proper goodbye. He didn't get to apologize for leaving. He didn't get to ask him to stay.

 

They never asked to exist; they never wanted to become Nobodies. It was an existence that had been forced upon them, and then, when the time came, it was brutally taken away, like they were nothing more than tools or toys for bored gods needing entertainment.

 

It was sickening.

 

Yet, he still desired that time, that life. When he was his own person and he could pick and choose what he wanted or needed. Like a certain redheaded and tattooed man, for instance.

 

Now, it was getting harder and harder to maintain his own self, keep what made him the thirteenth member of the Organization and the friend to the virtual Olette, Hayner, and Pence. The very essence of Roxas was fading away, fully bonding and merging with the Sora-consciousness. Soon, even the brunet would completely forget about the blond Nobody that had been his other half. Soon, Roxas himself would forget he ever existed… if there was even anything left of him to remember that fact.

 

It wasn't dying; it was living on. At least, that was what Namine had claimed. Yet, what point was there in living on, trapped within someone else's body, some other person's emotions and desires? Roxas didn't want Riku; he wanted Axel! He desired to have his own body, fulfill his own needs and wants. He wanted to choose where to live and eat his favorite foods, to pick the one he desired to be with on his own and not influenced by his other half.

 

For all he had suffered, was that too much to ask?

 

Honestly, maybe it was.

 

- - -

 

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