Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ To catch a falling star ❯ Part 8 ( Chapter 8 )

Chapter 8

Zexion sat quietly by his brother's graveside for an hour or more, silently remembering him and all the memories of him that he tried hard to suppress the rest of the year around. His heartfelt heavy inside his chest, eight years worth of repressed memories flitting through his mind at break neck speed.

Zexion managed to keep a lid on that last memory and the ones that followed it. He knew he was trying to suppress everything that had happened this morning and he was mildly successful, and yet the idiot musician still managed to slip in every now and then.

After an hour sitting there he rose stiffly to his feet, leg's having gone numb fro there folded position on the grass. He left his coat where he had neatly folded it beside the head stone, taking the short walk to the small shed that was left open for visitors.

Inside the dark confines of the small wooden building where just a few cleaning supplies and the water tap. Zexion filled a small bucket, grabbing soap and a stiff bristle brush and slowly walked back to his brother's plot, he didn't pay any attention to the graves around him, eyes focused on his destination. He knew in the back of his mind that the cemetery was very nice, filled with long swathes of green grass and tall yew trees surrounding the small church at its heart - but he didn't see any of it.

Zexion settled beside the dark stone once again, taking in the slightly greenish coating it had picked up from the Wisteria tree that loomed a few plots over. He set to cleaning the granite with firm, meticulous strokes, letting his mind get lost in the rhythm as he tried to banish a certain blond from his thoughts - today wasn't about him.

His arms grew tired as he scrubbed at the stone vigorously, attempting to push the feelings that were brewing in his gut out through the hard work he was doing. But as he looked down at the now pristine black stone he knew there were no distractions left.

Zexion let out a deep sigh, quietly whispering to Kira as he always did when he made my solitary visit, once a year to this place, "I'm sorry little brother, it seems I can't concentrate as I should." The words were soft, affectionate, something he never let out around anyone else and yet he had come to realise that he had been softening around one certain man.

Zexion felt his chest constrict at that thought, he could feel his emotions trying to unravel as they had on the way here this morning and only his iron control had saved him. But being here, maybe it was alright, today was a day of remembering and the emotions Zexion had done his best to repress for so many years were a kind of memory. He sat quietly, fists clenched on his folded knees, and, as he slowly let the grip he had on his heart ease he watched in a daze as a flood of images cascaded through his mind.

The first were ones of his brother, he was such a happy child, bubbly, outgoing - nothing like him. Kira had made him smile and follow along with his childish games, he had adored him. They had played together all the time and Zexion had always helped him with his school work - until that day.

Zexion clenched fists tight, gripping firmly to his loose black trousers as he tried desperately not to think about that day, forcibly turning his mind to face a different direction. But that way was just as painful.

Demyx was everywhere, he had invaded Zexion's life and his thoughts so thoroughly that in each image that flitted into being in his mind he was there, and he had pulled others in too. He had drawn in Axel, Roxas, Marluxia and Vexen from his science class too. He attracted people to him; the silly, playful musician had gotten the two males together which had made Zexion oddly happy.

The pair where impossible, they had obviously liked each other for what had seemed like forever, but they never knew what to do with each other. Marluxia was obstinate and bossy and Vexen had a one track mind when it came to his experiments, and yet, Demyx had managed it. He slowly drew the two into working on something together and then, having to spend time together on it outside of class had given them the impetus to venture into something new in their relationship.

Zexion remembered seeing the pair in class one day - though their attention was directed at the lecture, as he had passed behind them he had noticed that their hands twined together under the table. He had felt something both pleasant and painful in him then, an ache in his heart and a longing so deep it hurt - to see how easily they touched each other.

Zexion had never really looked at people together before, so busy trying to be alone and distancing himself from all the things that could hurt him. He had made himself cold. Zexion had never truly known what he was missing out on until he had looked around him at all the friends and couples spending time together, how much of that time was spent touching - reaffirming bonds.

He was jealous.

Zexion had brought it on himself. It wasn't until this morning - seeing Demyx wrapped around another man - that he'd taken note of his own preference for men, and how he felt about the musician. He could feel something stabbing through his chest at the memory that surfaced; the soft smile the two men had shared and the obvious affection between them.

Zexion had never truly felt lonely until that moment. He wrapped his arms around his stomach, clutching at his waist as he gasped at the pain that was gnawing its way through him. His breath hitched in his throat as he felt the hot sting of impending tears burn the backs of his eyes. He tried to squeeze them shut to stop them from falling, he couldn't cry, the loss of the control he had rigidly enforced over the years would shatter him. It had been the only thing that was a true constant i his life and now it was wavering like a candles flame in the wind.

Yet even as he thought it he felt the heat of the salty moisture trailing down his cheeks, as quiet whimpers squeezed past the painful lump in his throat. God this hurt - how could he have been so foolish as to let Demyx in, to let him do this to him? "I don't want this... I can't...oh God..." The pain of the gasping sobs that were wrenched from his chest had him pressing close against his brothers headstone for support, he cradled his stomach with his arms, "I don't want this...please...Kira."

Zexion sat rocking, pressed against the cold stone for what felt like forever, as the painful sobs eased and the tears dried up. The first drops of rain started to fall and Zexion turned tear reddend eyes up to the sky, seeing the clouds churning overhead, dark and forbidding. They seemed to reflect his mood. Where the deep gut wrenching pain of realisation had been, there was now only emptiness. He felt hollow, wrung out, and even if it hurt, he wanted to be with Demyx. He was the only person Zexion knew who could ease this ache in his chest, who could make him feel lighter.

He struggled to his feet, brushing the fingertips of one hand against the headstone as he retrieved his coat. "I miss you Kira...and thank you." Zexion leant in and placed the lightest brush of lips to the top of the stone, feeling the rain soaking into his clothes as it started to pour down. Zexion could feel the tiny droplets trickling across his skin and it was a truly wonderful sensation. Almost like the way he imagined the brush of fingertips would feel like, if they didn't cause him so much pain and nausea.

Zexion didn't put his coat on, hanging it neatly over his arm as he gathered the empty bucket, brush and soap to return it to the shed. He took one last look at his brother's marker, eyes trailing across the familiar script and the daisy he had left, that lay starkly bright in contrast to the dark stone. "I'll come again soon. Good bye, Kira."

00-00-00

It was late afternoon by the time Zexion turned onto their street; he had made a few stops along the way for some groceries that he hadn't been in the right state of mind to purchase that morning. He was completely drenched, yet he still hadn't donned his coat, even when the rain had pelted down a few hours ago and people had given him curious looks. Zexion knew he was paying for it already. His skin felt clammy and warm to the touch, his head felt like it was stuffed with cotton wool - he'd been fighting off the dizzy spells he had been experiencing since about thirty minutes ago.

Zexion just wanted to get home; he could deal with everything else once he got there. He needed to eat and then soak in a hot bath, he would have to curl up in his blankets for warmth, as the heating had broken and he couldn't afford to get it fixed right now.

As he walked up the road his body started to feel heavier and heavier, the bag of food in his left hand felt like it had doubled in weight from five minutes ago, his head was throbbing. Zexion stopped to lean on a neighbour's wall for a moment before reluctantly shifting all his weight back onto his feet once more, making the last few metres to his house in slow, measured steps.

He rummaged in his pockets for the keys, wincing when they came free of the cloth with a loud jangle that made him wince in response as he head gave a rather nasty throb. The continuous jingle as he fitted the key into the lock set his teeth on edge as his head throbbed in cadence with it. He turned the key and the door shot open under his weight and he didn't have the speed or the presence of mind to brake his fall. He landed hard on the wooden floor of the hallway; his knees impacting with the solid boards eliciting a strangled sound from his throat as the pain shot straight through him.

The rest of his body followed, sprawling out on the floor, unable to summon the energy to get up again. Zexion's eyes wandered absently to the bag of groceries that he had dropped unceremoniously on the floor, seeing some of the apples rolling to a stop beside him. "Hmm... I'm always dropping fruit huh...," a quiet chuckle left his lips as he closed his eyes, they felt so heavy and it was so nice and dark. Zexion didn't even feel himself slipp into unconsciousness.

00-00-00

Demyx sat in the window of the living room and, as much as he tried to concentrate on the game they were playing to pass the time that they were stuck inside because of the rain, he couldn't draw his gaze away from Zexion's house. He guessed that he was hoping he would see a light turn on inside so he could go over and explain everything - but it had remained dark for the past three hours he had been home. He could only see the upper windows as their house was slightly raised and the garden was surrounded by shrubbery, obscuring his view of the lower floor.

Worry had been churning away in his stomach since he abandoned the search to return home, and though Cloud had made him some food to eat he had hardly touched it, finding himself moving it around on the plate instead in an attempt to feign some interest in it. Cloud had sighed and given him one of his frustrated looks and then gone to find Leon.

Demyx thought he was just concerned for him - Cloud didn't like it when he wouldn't eat, it reminded him to much of years past. He didn't want to concern his family but he couldn't get past the feeling that something was wrong, and that he desperately needed to see Zexion to fix it.

He sat with the others for a little longer but that feeling wouldn't leave so he excused himself, heading upstairs to his room to get his sitar. So much had been going on this last week that he had barely touched his beloved instrument. As he carefully cradled the sinuous lines of the instrument in his hands, gently caressing the strings as he began to play he felt something coming to him, a sooth rhythm, with a defined beat. As Demyx sat and let his mind wander, his fingers lazily stroking the strings he felt the piece coming together. He let his eyes drift closed and got swept up in the lilting tune of the song.

Demyx don't know how long he sat there playing in his room, but when he felt the song had drawn to a close and his eyes fluttered open he found his young cousin standing in the doorway to his room. As Demyx looked up at him he felt his heart clench at the awed sadness in lazuli pools. Sora stood there silently for long minutes before walking across the room to him, raising warm palms to his cheeks and pressing his forehead to Demyx's. Sora's words were quiet, reverent almost, "You must love him very much."

Demyx let his eyes fall closed at those softly spoken words, knowing the pain that always seemed to come with the knowledge that he was falling for Zexion, but knowing that the slate haired man didn't feel the same.

He felt tears gathering at the corners of his eyes but he was unwilling to let them fall, squeezing them shut tight. Demyx felt a light tap on his nose and it shocked him into opening his eyes, staring straight into the summer sky.

"Don't do that."

It was so strange for Sora to be so serious and, from looking in his eyes; he knew that something in the care free boy he had known had changed. Sora had faced something in this last year that Demyx wasn't aware of and he had grown up.

The smaller brunet gave him a tender smile at his surprised expression, "I'll tell you about it some other time - maybe when you get back."

Demyx raised a brow at the odd statement, "Going...where exactly?"

That was when the sunny grin he had missed slipped across Sora's lips, "To go see Zexion."

He scrunched his forehead into a frown at Sora's response, "He's not home."

"Well maybe you should be there when he gets there, hmm..." Sora's words were pretty convincing and the churning in Demyx's gut came back full force. But he was still apprehensive - he wanted to wait for Zexion to arrive, not accost him on his doorstep.

"I don't know..." Demyx's words were stilted; he didn't know which way to turn. That's when he heard another voice breaking into the quiet moment they were sharing.

"You love him don't you? He needs you now. You should go."

Demyx slipped from Sora's fingers and peeked over his shoulder at the sound of a familiar voice, it was deep and warmer than he remembered it ever being. Demyx stared into aqua blue eyes tucked behind silver bangs, when he spoke again, a soft smile playing at the corners of his lips as he looked between him and the Sora, "You know where you should be."

He felt a wash of warmth spread through him, a grin tipped his lips at this unusual show of affection, "Yes - I do."

Demyx gave Sora and Riku a warm smile that he hadn't felt cross his lips for weeks. He set his sitar back in its stand next to his bed and got up; ruffling Sora's soft chocolate covered spikes. "Thanks guys."

He strode to the door from there, grabbing a coat off the rack that stood beside it. As he slipped past Riku, who stood in the doorway, he placed a hand on his shoulder, looked down at him, whispering with a cheeky grin on his lips, "Now no hanky panky in my bed, ne?"

Demyx ducked out of the way of the fist that he knew would be heading his way, catching sight of the flush he had caused on the pale man's face. He gave Riku a wink as he started down the stairs, hearing Sora pestering Riku about what Demyx had said to him to cause that reaction.

He walked past the kitchen, listening to the radio playing, knowing that Leon and Cloud were starting preparations for dinner. Demyx called back over his shoulder as he slipped into his shoes, saying that he was popping out and would be back for dinner. He slipped quickly out the front door before Cloud could protest.

Demyx stood facing Zexion's house silently. The building looked rather dark in contrast to his own home. Why had he never noticed that before? He turned his face up at the deep rumble that sounded overhead, thunder emanating from the dark boiling clouds. He could only hope that Zexion didn't get stuck out in this weather. The writer always seemed so much smaller then he was - almost fragile.

Demyx started walking across the street, checking the road both ways before crossing, not wanting to be run over. As he walked steadily forward he eyed the front door, noticing for the first time that something didn't look quite right. His heart picked up its pace, as his stomach clenched tightly, his legs picking up speed. The door...it was open what... Zexion would never leave the door open. He ran full tilt towards the forbidding house, racing up the low wooden steps and clattering across the porch.

He stood frozen in the doorway, trying to see in the dim light. Demyx found himself staring down at someone sprawled out just inside the doorway; dark jeans and a pale long sleeved shirt were soaking wet, water beading on the floor in large puddles, what looked to be baggy clothes sticking to their slender frame. It was topped off by a mop of hair that he couldn't see the colour of in the dark.

Demyx carefully placed his feet as he manoeuvred around the sprawled form, getting his first glimpse of the inside of the writer's home. He couldn't bring himself to care. Demyx's gut felt like it was scrunched up tight with nerves and squirming with tension all at once, as he carefully settled himself at the person's head. He reached out, shifting the drenched locks from their face to take in those familiar angular features. Demyx leant in, speaking with a slight stutter, "Zex-Zexion... wake...up. Please."

Demyx felt his concern trying to overwhelm him and he had the deepest compulsion to lift the prone male into his arms. He took hold of Zexion's shoulders, giving them a firm shake as he kept saying his name. When he received no response, he slowly checked Zexion's neck for injuries, feeling slightly guilty for touching him when he wasn't awake to tell him not to.

Demyx slowly shifted Zexion over when he found no discernable breaks in his neck, easing him onto his back. He looked so pale in the wan light, his clothes sticking to him - he was soaked through. Demyx pressed his forehead against Zexion's to check his temperature, his body running on auto pilot. He found the skin under his own was clammy and unbearably hot.

He let out the breath he had been holding, watching as his fingers brushed at the damp strands of the writer's hair trembling fiercely. What was he going to do? Demyx wouldn't leave him here unconscious.

Demyx sat for a few minutes absorbing the scene before making his decision, he shifted along Zexion's side and carefully threaded his right arm under his shoulders, pressing his face into his throat so he wouldn't hurt it unintentionally, then looped his other arm under Zexion's knees.

Demyx took a deep breath and shifted upwards in one fluid motion, settling his weight back on his own two feet once more. He had expected Zexion to be far heavier than he actually was - Demyx had thought before that the writer was under weight and this just proved the fact. It should have been a strain to lift his dead weight, and instead Demyx barely felt the strain at all. He nestled the pale man closer to him, moving back out through the front door, knocking it and hearing the jangle of keys as he headed out, quickly moving down the steps and across the road.

When he arrived back at his door he banged on the wood with his foot as he couldn't release his arms for holding onto Zexion. Demyx could only pray someone could hear him. He stood on the doorstep looking down at the writers pale features, seeing the red tint to his cheeks and the tiny beads of sweat rolling down from his temples that he hadn't been able to see in the dark hallway, his grip tightened. Demyx let his face fall to nuzzle his nose into damp silvery strands, just standing there breathing in his scent.

When the door opened Demyx looked into two sets of eyes, one piercing stormy grey the other luminous green. Demyx cuddled the fragile body against him as he spoke and shifted forwards to enter the house, "He's sick."

The pair got out of his way as he manoeuvred through the doorway with his precious burden, heading straight up the stairs to his room with Zexion cradled in his arms. Demyx didn't see the concerned look that the two other males gave each other behind him before Leon headed for the kitchen, yelling for Cloud and Axel trailed him up the stairs.

00-00-00

Axel sat quietly at the desk, working on his laptop on the coursework that was due in a matter of days and as usual he had left it to the last minute. He briefly flicked his gaze over to the bed beside him, watching the steady rise and fall of the covers as Zexion took reassuring breaths, as he slept. He stilled looked flushed but his temperature had gone down somewhat - hopefully that meant he would be awake soon.

Axel turned his viridian gaze back to the computer, trying to focus on his work instead of the next text he was sure to be receiving. Demyx had been sending the blasted things every twenty to thirty minutes and it was driving him up the wall. He didn't know why he had promised to keep an eye on Zexion while Roxas and that blasted musician went to their classes but he was starting to seriously regret it. He gave the phone a heated glare, damn tempted to turn it off. Axel sighed in frustration, knowing that if he did that Demyx would be back within fifteen minutes flat.

Axel got up out of the chair, walking to the bed; he slowly peeled the damp cloth from Zexion's forehead, feeling the damp heat of the wet material on his fingers. He looked down beside the bed as he dipped the cloth into the cool bowl of water on the floor. As he went to replace the cloth against Zexion's flushed skin he noticed his eyelids flickering slightly. He continued pressing the cloth against his forehead, settling down on his haunches to watch - maybe he would wake up?

Axel let his voice go soft and smooth, hoping to coax his friend from sleep, "Zexion...wake up."

The fluttering continued and his breaths grew deeper; the calm even breath's of sleep slowly dissipating. Axel sat watching the pale man coming too, he could hear his phone vibrating on the desk as he received yet another text message from Demyx. Unfortunately he was ignoring that in favour of making sure Zexion didn't freak out when he woke up in a strange place.

He listened as Zexion gave a soft moan, his eyelids slowly rising but remaining at half-mast. He sat quietly as Zexion seemed to absorb his surroundings with drowsy eyes. Axel leant forward slowly so as not to startle the other man, talking quietly once more, "Hey there Zex."

Dark, hazy eyes focused on him, the normal curtain of hair Zexion hid behind was pushed back behind his ear, damp with sweat from the fever. Axel gave him a smile and he nodded silently, when he tried to speak only a croak came out and Axel saw a definite wince slip across his features before it was gone again. He grabbed the glass of water he had on the desk, "Here then, can't have you not speaking, hmmm..." Axel gave him a teasing smile before reaching out for him, "You gonna be able to get up by yourself or do you need a hand?"

Axel saw Zexion struggling to rise in the bed and before he could answer him he carefully and slowly placed an arm behind his shoulders so he could help Zexion rise just enough to sip from the glass he held to his lips. Axel made sure not to touch any skin and let the glass rest lightly against Zexion's lower lip as he sipped cautiously. Zexion leant his head back enough for Axel to know that he'd had enough and Axel helped him back down to rest in the pillows once more. His voice was raspy and quiet, but it was there, "Where am I?"

"You're at Demy's house - he found you out cold on your hallway floor two days ago."

Axel watched the surprise light Zexion's face, followed by his sudden outburst once he'd processed the information. "TWO DAYS!" As he went to jerk upright Axel placed a hand on his chest to stop him.

"Keep still, you've been sick with fever and you're still running a temperature. So no getting up, Demy would kill me." Axel watched Zexion for a few minutes, his gaze drifting up to the ceiling; he could see the cogs ticking over in his mind.

"I've missed work and my classes - all that work to do."

Axel could see something close to distress crossing Zexion's features which was a rarity. He had shown so much emotion in the last few minutes that Axel was genuinely shocked. Where was the stoic, studious and unemotional guy he'd known before?

Axel registered what Zexion had said and smiled at the response, it was going his turn to surprise Zexion, "Dem's been taking notes from all the guys from your classes and going to work for you - apparently the library workers like him, but think he's a useless librarian."

Axel watched Zexion's eyes open wide as he turned his face back at him, clearly shocked by his words, "He went to...work and got me my notes? But...why would he do that?"

Axel wiped a hand across his face in frustration, "For someone so God damn smart you're really emotionally dumb. I promised Rox I wouldn't interfere but this is ridiculous! You like each other okay... more than that, you want to be in a relationship together. Yet you're both so stupid that you can't admit it to each other. You're so frustrating!" Axel flung up his arms in emphasis of what he was saying.

"I can't do that - he was... this morning. No two days ago, I saw him with someone else." Axel could hear the pain in those words and he really felt for Zexion, if it had been him seeing Roxas in another man's arms he would have seen red.

Axel lent in slowly, hand coming to rest on Zexion's cloth covered shoulder to garner his attention. He spoke softly, as though Zexion was a frightened animal, "But you didn't stick around to find out who that person was. That is so unlike you, jumping to conclusions when you like facts so much. Sora and Riku came to stay for the week - the guy Demyx was hugging was his cousin."

Axel watched with rapt fascination as the writers eyes squeezed shut, he could see his hand clenching in the sheets that lay over him and for the first time Axel heard something coarse slip past those normally clean lips, "Shit. Just damn it all."

Zexion looked so annoyed.

Axel frowned down at the pale man, "What's the matter - I thought you'd be happier?"

"I...I am but... if I'd...stuck around this... wouldn't have happened." He waved his arms dramatically around, which Axel assumed meant the state he was in right now.

"So at least now you know - right?" Axel couldn't help but question, hoping he hadn't completely stuck his foot in it between his two friends. He didn't want what he'd said to push them apart.

Axel watched as the slate haired man looked down at himself, his fingers plucking at one of the sleeves that covered his body. Those stormy grey eyes widened before he looked over at him, "W-who changed...my clothes?"

Axel frowned again, eyebrows drawing down as he answered the stuttered question, "Demy did - in fact he insisted."

"Oh God...no...that...no." The voice that slipped from Zexion's lips Axel didn't recognise, high and desperate. Zexion was frightened.

"Zex what's the matter. There just clothes... what's the problem." He turned terrified eyes on Axel then, his lips clamped closed as he shook his head at him unwilling to speak what he was feeling. Axel wasn't sure what to make of what he was saying or not saying. He looked like he had been shocked into silence as he lay there quietly - bomb blasted look covering his features. When Axel's phone vibrated again he turned away, sliding it open and replying to the barrage of messages he had received in the past twenty minutes. He's awake.

When Axel turned back Zexion had turned over, his back now facing him and he was curled over, the duvet tugged high up on his back. Axel felt a deep sadness fill him at that way that Zexion had turned inwards, he could do nothing but hope that Demyx could fix whatever it was that had Zexion looking like what he had said was killing him.

Axel whispered quietly to him, "I'm sorry, Zexion."