Macross Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction / Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ The Legend of Macross (which has nothing to do with Macross, really) ❯ Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11: "LOST MY LOVE DOWN IN MEXICO, NOW I'M WANDERING THE HIGHWAY, LIVIN OFF RE-FRIED DREAMMMSSSSS----"

Keiro awoke to the sound of Ceilongs.

She groaned.

It hadn't been to bad an experience so far, any ways. She'd managed to conserve her body heat in the damp moist pit…in…her own way.

There was suddenly the noises of conversation above them. She leaped out of the arms of the Guard that looked `Not Unlike Vegita' and crawled to the centre of the pit.

There was a creak. And a groan, and then a tiny voice saying…

"Um. Hello?"

And then another voice that said…

"Careful! There's Ceiliongs down there!"

And then…

A Handsome Purple head came into view. Keiro sweatdropped; it seemed he'd just come out of his relapse.

"Trunks!!! Jess!!! Get me outta here!" she squeaked up to them.

Trunks peered over the edge of the pit and glared down. Then he smiled a `Gourry' grin.

"HEY KEIRO!! WHADDYA DOIN DOWN THERE?"

She facefaulted.

Trunks giggled suddenly and reached behind him in his backpack. Keiro watched with a kind of `Ohhhkaaay' expression on her face as he dumped the contents on the floor.

He ducked behind the rim of the pit and giggled some more.

Moments later a tiny Goku Figurine peeked over the top of the pit.

"There once was a time when I just didn't know what to dooo…so I found a place my friends called, Camp Caribooooooo!!"

From below, the group of Ceilongs huddled together and screamed in anguish.

A Vegita figurine came up beside the Goku.

"I refuse to dress up like some fag so you can have your jollies."

"But Vegita! Camp Cariboo is the only place we can all come together in peace and love and-

ChiChi peeked up beside Goku.

"Act like Whores?"

Vegita growled and leaped atop the figurine. Goku bounced up and down in an odd manner. Trunks was obviously having some problems at the time.

They vanished for a second. Six more appeared.

"Hi! I'm Mirai Trunks! Sometimes I'd come home from a hot sweaty vigorous game of polo and…

Da da da na (Sunny D theme)

The other figurines chased after Trunks while they barged through an imaginary door and entered a house. Bulma was standing at the door smiling.

"Hi Trunks? How was Polo?"

Trunks, with great exaggeration replied; "Great Mom! But we're kinda thirsty!"

He walks over to an imaginary fridge and pulls it open.

"We got grape juice, cola, some purple stuff, Sunny D…

From behind him, Gohan shrieks in response. "Sunny D!"

Da da da na…

Trunks and the others drink their fill. Bulma walks by and Krillin looks up.

"Hey your mom's pretty cool!"

The figurines leave. A moment later, the `Mentos' ® theme fills the air. Vegita appears at the edge of the pit.

He is about to sit down on a park bench when the Ceilongs scream louder, interrupting his train of thought. All motion stops.

Trunks again peeked over the edge of the pit.

"ARE YOU GONNA HELP ME UP OR WHAT??" Keiro screamed impatiently.

He did. But left the Guard that looked `Not Unlike Vegita' to sit and think about what he'd done in the corner with Ceilongs.

Nick Carter sighed while shucking his Oysters. One of his very pretty secretaries came up behind him and bent to whisper in his ear…

"Penis."

He nodded. Satisfied she had done a good job, she left him to his oyster shucking.

**Blink**

And that promptly made no sense.

He rocked back on his heels and thought the evil things that evil guys think, while the evil secretaries watched from the comfort of their secret secretaries parking lots where they planned dastardly deeds with the help of an almighty one who called himself Ronald the Rather Raunchy Rat.

Nick drew his brows together in a frown; he didn't have time to deal with this sort of thing right now.

Something had drifted up on shore…

He peered down at it, and reached behind him to grasp the handle of his powerful 1999 model of the Cattle Prod Terminator â"¢

The thing in the sand looked none other than to be some horribly ugly blonde mass of greasy hair that…if you looked at it from just the right angle…you could almost tell it was a human.

Well… a head of a human at least. It had a large nose, pointed elf ears, and a rather crazed grin plastered to his face, and the whole mess seemed to be balanced on the end of an abnormally long ponytail tied in the starlight fashion.

Nick paled and fell back on his ass.

My god…

Could it be…!!??

Yes!! It was…THE SPAWN OF HORTENSIO!

((To ensure the safety and well being of our readers and seekers of truth the Author has decided to leave this chapter where it has left of because she fears for the sanity of the readers and wouldn't like any harmful UV rays to touch their skin))

Trevor didn't really have any problems with wandering minstrels in the past up until this point when he'd wandered across a few in a sunny meadow.

These were the kind of sunny meadows that just make people want to frolic and dance about like little gay fairy boys and have cravings for green tights but…

Trevor had gone through the simple precautions of taking a pill that wouldn't allow that sort of thing to happen, although I have no idea how it couldn't…this is the evil hideout of the BackStreet Boys, you know.

"Brave Brave Sir Robin, came forth from Camelot, he was not afraid to die, oh brave sir Robin, he was not afraid to die or be killed in nasty ways, brave brave brave brave sir Robin. He was not afraid to be killed or be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, oh Brave Sir Robin, or to have his limbs removed, oh BRAVE Sir Robin. With his limbs all hacked and his eyes cut out and his liver removed and his bowels unplugged and his nostrils ripped and his peni-

Trevor decided he'd had enough of the song, for now. After all, he wasn't really doing this right now, Howie had him on some good drugs at this point and…that was just the way things were meant to be.

* * *

"How do you make a Nazi cross?" Conrad asked quietly, while in the midst of being tied to a chair.

General Ipkiss of the Psychiatric Nazi's Anonymous clasped his hands behind his back and frowned at the ceiling. No, he didn't really have the time to meddle around with such incompetent fools. But jokes always aroused his interest.

"I don't know…how do you make a Nazi cross?"

Conrad grinned sadistically and stomped on the Nazi's foot. "You step on his corn!"

Ipkiss screamed and backhanded him dramatically across the face with a white glove.

"Ach! Zat is not funny!"

Conrad Birdie scowled. Well, he thought it had been funny.

Obviously, the Nazi didn't.

And because he had failed to formally present a joke in such a manner that would result in him fleeing from the Palace because everyone would be in such fits of hysteria that they wouldn't be able to think correctly, he was going to die.

Conrad lifted his head. "Um…You wouldn't be…talented…in any way at…killing people, would you?"

Ipkiss attempted to brush some of his boring mouse brown slightly messed up hair behind his ears, gave up, and presumed to rock back on his heels.

"I've killed a few…can't keep count, really."

"That gives me some hope for the future." Conrad retorted sullenly.

Ipkiss sneered and tweaked his cheek. "You'll be killed by the best, I assure you."

For some reason, it had the desired effect Ipkiss had wanted; Conrad fainted dead away.

Ipkiss straightened. "SPY-DAH!"

From the shadows of the corner, where evil and vile things usually like to dwell, came the horrible chaos that is Spy-Dah.

Now, not to get into detail or anything but Spy-Dah is the only remaining of his kind. Well…he's not really a `breed' or…'species' to tell the truth. He was a creation of a certain mad woman. In fact, I don't think you really want to know what Spy-Dah is.

Okay okay…but try not to scream.

He's a huge bald grinning Krillin head with a Tuxedo Mask top hat with six spider legs coming out the sides of his head. There is never a time when Spy-Dah isn't grinning like Xellos…except, his grin is far more provoking and imposing. It scares the living hell out of everything within a three-block radius.

Ahem

But like I said, we won't get into detail.

So, Ipkiss strolled over to the corner and picked a key out of his pocket and bent to let the snarling, spitting Spy-Dah out of his kennel which said `To Russia with Love' on the side.

"Yesssss Massssster…" he slurred is a very Egor-ish style.

Ipkiss pointed towards Conrad, who Spy-Dah had wanted to put Spandex on for a very long time. After all, Conrad was just a nice hunk of a perverted man that wore Elvis costumes and knew all. They couldn't have somebody like that parading around now, could they?

So the scene promptly got disturbing.