Medabots Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction / Digimon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ KNNNN - Kero's Nonstop Nonsense News Network ❯ 5th Edition ( Chapter 5 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

"We interrupt your fanfiction reading us for this special 24-hours news report via satellite."

*

KNNNN (Kero's Nonstop Nonsense News Network)
By PikaFlash And the News Team

5th Edition

Disclaimers: Almost all of the (fake) News Reports and ideas are mine. The Characters and
scenes are not.

*Headline News*

"Renovated kitchen has everything but the kitchen sink."

"Survey results shows that 0% of girls want to be a Digidestined when they grow up"

"Seriously Unironic Manga considered a height of Witty Irony in the West."

"Number 2 Medafighter in Japan marries rich girl who is same age as him."

*Kero and Eriol's Sqackback*

[Kero Beros - Newscaster (Email: kero_b@knnnn.com]
[Eriol Hiragizawa - Newscaster. Email: eriol_h@knnnn.com]

Kero: Welcome back to KNNNN.

Eriol: Yeah, espically when this week is the beginning of examinations for Grade 12 students
throughout the world.

Kero: And that for now, we have included some subliminal cheat notes for the exams.

*For one second some cheat notes appeared*

Kero: Oops, you missed it.

(Topic: Forbidden Memories)

~

[Ash Ketchum - Kanto Correspondent (Email: ash_k@knnnn.com]

Ash: What I do know is that FOX is having trouble in court after some Anime fans are suing
Fox. Kero?

~
Kero: Now we have the idea that FOX is now having a problem where in court where some Anime
watches are sued FOX as a distributor. But somehow, the Head of FOX says that he can't recall
having this to happen.

~

Ash: I can see what you mean. In fact, I have found the reason on why the Head of FOX was
able to defend himself.

~

*Ad*

"Attention Anime Distributors. Force to confess that you have kept the Animes for yourself?
We have your solution."

MEGA MEMORY LOT LOSS! (As seen in Boardrooms)

"It is gurantee that you'll forget to recall vital conversations and boardroom discussions."

Here are some of what the Anime Distributors have to say:

"I really don't recall using this, in fact, I can't recall anything." - We forgot who.

"And best of all, you'll get to forget ay bad Anime Episodes. This Mega Memory Lot Loss is so
effective that its an eraser in your head. Its like you've never ever used it."

Call 1800-Forget-Evidence

*End Ad*

Ash: So, in order to get someone famous to endorse it, we'll be meeting the Head of 4Kids.

~

Ash was walking towards the Head of 4Kids as a cameraman follows Ash.

"Hey, what do you think of Memory Lot Loss?"

A bodyguard pushes his palm onto the Camera's point of view.

~

Eriol: Well, that didn't last long.

*KeroCorp Profiteering*

Kero: By the way, Ash, any information on the water shortage on Server in the Digi-World?

~

Ash: I suppose you should listen to this report and you would understand the situation.

*

Head of Nelvana: I have got this idea, why not build a pipe that comes from a river near
this old castle, which moves past this pyramid straight into a forest, going through a gate,
straight past a house, and then entering another gate to this island in the middle of the
ocean.

*

Ash: Well, what I can gather from this report is that in order to provide water to the desert,
what the Head of Nelvana plans to do is to redirect the rivers near Myotismon Castle towards
Etemon's Pyramid, followed to Piximon's Forest, stright through a Digital gate right into
the Head of Nelvana's property, followed by going to File Island, where there is no water for
them. Which what I find it as selfish and stubborn for the head of Nelvana to do such
a thing.

~

*A subliminal exam cheat appeared.*

Kero: So, to solve this problem, we have the...

*Tilt Server Campaign!*

Eriol: That's right, Kero, explain.

Kero: Well, first, as you know, one side of a mountain has been blocking water sources on the
east side of server that was meant to travel to the west.

Eriol: So, in order to do that, we need to tilt Server, towards the west, where the western
part of the continent ends up lower to be filled by water by blowing up the continental shelf.

*http://www.geocities.com/pikaflash_007/tilted_continent_se rver.jpg*

Kero: That's right, as that graphic above shows it.

Eriol: And here's a press conference on the idea of tilting server.

~

At a press confrence, Tseng, Erika and a McAnimes spokesperson were sitting at a table.

Tseng: It as agreed that in order to make sure Server gets water, we would like to thank
KeroCorp Charities and McAnimes for sponsering this effort to save the Server Continent in
the DigiWorld.

~

Eriol: Plus, we've got Erika and Ikki to make an ad to promote Tilting Server. Play it.

~Promotion AD~

Erika and Ikki were in a jeep in the desert.

"Tilt Server...save the Digi-World. Lets tilt Server, all for just the water."

*

Erika, Ikki and some of the newscasters were at a Piximon's forest with some KNNNN flags
hanging around.

"Tilt Server...save the Digi-World. Lets tilt Server, all for just the water."

*

As the newsdesk tilts, Eriol and Kero were seen moving towards the downward direction.

~End Promotion AD~

Kero and Eriol were at the news desk with a lot of water bottles.

Eriol: That's right. And with with every dollar you spend while subscribing to Kero's Kable,
buying any KNNNN affiliated products, buy a McAnimes Tilt Burger or watch the special KNNNN's
pay-per-view concert at Indigo, we at KNNNN will be able to fund a stunt like this. The
Digi-World goverments will find their own money to pay for tilting Server.

Kero: That's right.

Eriol: I tell you its sheer genius!

Kero: Comming up this hour, World News after the break with Eriol and in the studio, we'll
have Mimi Tachikawa and Yamato Ishida.

[KNNNN: You do not mess with what's right.]

*Ad Break*

Tonight on AKA (A Kero Affair):

Dr. Joe was in a lab, followed by some children MedaFighters running out of school.

"The Digi-Destined doctor who creates miracle diets that kills children MedaFighters and
plans on bringing them back to life."

A group of MedaFighters were walking on a bridge followed by a group of Pikachus eating
at a construction site.

"And the Medafighters who plans on commiting suicide, only to be reborn as Ethnic Con-Men
Construction Pikachus."

Some Pikachus walk past a halloween costume shop, followed by some Medafighters walking
out of thier school.

"Plus, halloween costumes that Ethnic Con-Men Construction Pikachus sell to turn Children
into MedaFighters."

"A shocking story that no parent must miss..."

...on AKA (A Kero Affair), tonight on KNNNN.

*

A clay model of a farm is on scren.

"On the Real Time Channel, a clay people movie is on, where we show you every pain staking
movement while we move the clay figure with our bare hands."

A pair of hands move the farmer's legs to appear as if he's walking.

"Starting tomorrow on Channel 41 of Kero's Kable TV."

*

McAnimes!

"To promote the Tilt Server Campaign, we introduce to you the Tilt Burger!"

The bottom of the bun appeared, followed by two out of shaped meat patties.

"It comes with two out of shape meat patties."

The lettuce appeared.

"One off centered lettuce!"

A beetroot appeared.

"And one sliding beetroot."

The beetroot slides off the burger.

"Only at...

Li/Sakura/Misty/Sora/Ikki: MCANIMES! The only place to eat in the Anime world.

*End Ad Break*

*World Report*

[Eriol Hiragizawa - Newscaster. Email: eriol_h@knnnn.com]

Eriol: Hello and welcome to the World Report...

(Topic: Funny Hats)

Eriol: In Cerulean City, Kanto, an Officer Jenny has been suspended after calling a news
confrence just to show off her new hat, which she wore on her head without taking it out
of its bag. An official statement says that the Officer Jenny has been disciplined. You
cannot believe the stupidity of these people.

(Topic: 100% Result)

Eriol: Of course, who could forget Myotismon's position of king of his castle. Recently, in
a poll within his castle, Mytosimon was voted 100% as the king of his castle, which is a
0.0001% diffrence from his 99.9999% in the previous poll. His officals have made a swing
on boxes in the campaign to target swinging voters. Luckily, Myotismon did not need
to rely on heavily swinging his voters.

(Topic: Outrage on Wages)

Eriol: The Goverment in the DBZ Territory has called for tough new gambling laws ever since
a man was found taking his wages home. Erika Tenryou has more.

~

[Erika Tenryou reporting. Email: erika_t@knnnn.com]

Erika was in a casino as she watches some people playing on the slot machines.

Erika: Goku's goverment is concern about the reckless wastage of revenues from gambling
all because these people spend on luxuries, like food for children.

Erika was outside Goku's house.

Erika: The treasurer, Krillin, has propose the new gaming laws becausehe the man took his
wages home instead of using them for gambling, because the if people follow this man, then the
gambling industry will collaspe. Erika Tenryou for KNNNN.

~

Eriol: After the break, Current Affairs.

[KNNNN: First with the news, First with the corrections.]

*Ad Break*

On KNNNN for Kids, we have two super heroes who claims to be the strongest in the world,
Sakura and Sora! On today's episode, Sakura and Sora faces off against the Angry Ethinic
Con-Men Construction Pikachu!

"Be a MedaFighter! Be a MedaFighter!"

The Pikachu shoot out green aura onto Sora and Sakura.

"Oh no, we're becoming MedaFighters. Sora, do something!"

"Must call for Digi-Vice. Must call for Digi-Vice!"

"Will Sora and Sakura get the Digi-Vice before they become MedaFighters? Find out more on..."

KNNNN for KIDS! "This is for the kids of today, workers of tomorrow!" Get KNNNN for kids,
only on the Kero's Kable Channel 24.

*

"Ever wonder what its like to be a KNNNN reporter?"

Brock was on camera.

Brock: I initially joined KNNNN because of the women.

*

Brock puts on a pair of sunglasses.

Brock: I first started off as a Weatherman for Warner Brothers news, but I was given a much
better job in KNNNN.

*

Brock shows the camera his nametag.

Brock: But whenever the women finds out that I'm with KNNNN, I see clothes flying off as
they jump onto me. That's why I'm with KNNNN.

*

Brock looks out of a window.

Brock: But no matter the cause, I'm Brock, the director of Weathertainment on KNNNN. Even if
I give non-weather-related coverage of human issues.

*

Brock faces the camera.

Brock: But there's one thing you must know. I'm Brock and I'm with KNNNN.

[KNNNN: Everything we say is the truth]

*End Ad Break*

*Current Affairs*

Kero: Welcome to Current Affairs. Now, straight onto our topic. This week, the current
affair we have will go away from the usual news to why kids take drugs, only to know that
they'll get a sudden and paiful death.

~

[Topics: Drugs, harmless or deadly? Or are they sweet like pudding?]

Kero: Ever wonder what your kids are doing right now?

Serena and Darien were watching KNNNN on TV as Serena, Darien, Kero and Eriol on TV looks up
to see Kero pop up behind a door.

Kero: You might think that they might be safe in bed, doing thier homework or both. But
instead...

~

Kero moves into a classroom.

"..they could be under the influence of some gangster with a cocktail of drugs at their
school."

Kero picks up a wine glass with a drink with a syringe in it.

"It could mean that its a tragedy in this case. Which is why its a good thing that
we're here to inform parents.

~

Kero was in a lab.

"But we do know that 99% of Teenage Anime Characters take drugs everyday. Ever wonder what
happen to their minds."

Kero picks up a bottle with a small brain in it.

"This is a brain of a 6-year old child who took drugs. Guess what, he's dead!"

[Drug Use + Brain Removed = Death]

"And our investigation has indicated to us that every single drug user who got their brain
removed are now dead."

[Many Drug User + Brains Removed = Graveyard]

~

Rini was playing volleyball with Little TK, Little Kari and Little Ash and Kero appeared out
of a tree.

"You may think that your kids are not affected, but they are alright, happy and have lots of
friends, right? But here are the telltale signs of drug taking."

(Telltale signs:)

1. Alright
2. Happy
3. Lots of Friends

~

Rini, and Little Kari were at a volley ball with a pipe.

Kero: I guess the reason they're happy is that they took the pipe right under your very
own nose!

~

Kero walks into a room with Sakura speaking onto the home phone

Kero: And if your kids spend hours on the phone chatting to your friends, they may be talking
to drug dealers...

~

An Agumon was putting drugs into a suitcase.

Kero: ...discussing on where is the next dropoff point at school for high grade drugs.

~

Kero was next to little TK.

Kero: So don't be so foolish when kids like him are too young for drugs. Look.

Little TK was holding a box of drugs.

Kero: See?

~

"But there is hope, the Officer Jennys have joined forces with KNNNN and McAnimes to make
an educational campaign to prevent drug use in schools."

A McAnimes Van drove out of a school.

"Remember, kids, drugs aren't the hip now. Drugs may be cool, but what's so cool about
being so high while you're thinking that you're the master of the universe?"

A bunch of angry school kids run out of the school grounds throwing burgers at the McAnimes
van.

"To you parents, kids should know that they believe anything you say, so tell them the
effects of drugs and scare them so that they wouldn't even tough them."

~

Rini and Little Kari were still at the pipe volley ball as Kero appeared.

Kero: But the solution is simple.

Kero kicks the volley ball away, as it flies over the fence and the pipe stabs Tracey Sketchit
in the head.

Kero: To tackle the problem, you should take care of the cause of the drugs. They take drugs
because they're unhappy, so the altanative? Anti-Depressents, like beer.

Kero picks up a beer can.

Kero: I'm Kero Beros for KNNNN.

~

Kero: And now, its Email time.

*This ones says "I agree with the Head of FOX, where we must forgive and forget Anime Viewers.
Signed, Karin".*

Kero: And that is the first time I see one with a signature that's as terrible as the real
person's one.

*From Sakura in Tomoeda, she says "Kero's done it again, stop showing REPEATS!"*

*Tilt Server Campaign*

[Kero Beros - Newscaster (Email: kero_b@knnnn.com]
[Eriol Hiragizawa - Newscaster (Email: eriol_h@knnnn.com)]

Eriol: Now, as you know, Server is part desert. Because of some mountain, we can't get
water in the desert. So, our correspondent Tai Yagami, in the Digi-World has more.

~

[Tai Yagami - Digi-World correspondent. Email: tai_y@knnnn.com]

At the news desk, Tai being pushed by a very strong hurricane as he clings on to the news
desk for his very dear life on camera as papers fly around.

~

Kero: And it appears that we've got a technical problem with the transmission with the
Digi-World. Ash?

~

[Ash Ketchum - Kanto correspondent. Email: ash_k@knnnn.com]

Ash: As I understand that in order to make sure Server gets water, we must tilt Server and
have that mountain drilled in order to fill that desert with water.

~

Kero: Of course, with the McAnimes promotion, where for every doller spent for the McAnimes
Tilt Burger, it goes to have a KNNNN flag on every part of a dry town with no water.

(Topic: KNNNN secure rights to all Anime World disasters)

Eriol: Here's some late breaking news, KNNNN's CEO Madison Taylor has announced that KNNNN
has secure the rights to all Anime World Disasters, including the naming rights to every
cyclone, Hurricane and tornados. Madison has promised that the first hurricane of the season
that hits the Anime World would be called Hurricane Blockhead, dedicated to the director of
Weathertainment, Brock Blockhead.

~

[Brock Blockhead - Weathertainment. Email: brock_b@knnnn.com]

Brock was holding an umbrella under a palm tree.

~

Eriol: Miss Taylor also says that she is proud that KNNNN will be now home to the natural
disasters, with the new saying "No other network will bring you hardships and miserys more
than KNNNN. Because your tragedy is our tragedy."

Kero: But who cares about that now that we got much important things to talk about, right
Eriol?

Eriol: That's right. After a while, we'll be interviewing Mimi Tachikawa and Yamato Ishida.

[KNNNN: Doing our bit to wet the desert]

Kero: By the way, as you know, Fat Giovanni has gotten the head planned on being chopped off,
right, Eriol?

Eriol: That's right, we'll get to wring his neck and...

*And that concludes our live coverage of KNNNN. We will restore you back to your normal
Fanfiction reading. Thank you for reading KNNNN.*

News Crew:
Kero Beros [kero_b@knnnn.com] (Editor and Leading Commentator)
Eriol Hiragizawa [eriol_h@knnnn.com] (Commentator and Former Leading Correspondent)
Ash Ketchum [ash_k@knnnn.com] (Middle-level Correspondent and Investigative Journalist)
Erika Tenryou [erika_t@knnnn.com] (Experienced Correspondent and Investigative Journalist)
Tai Yagami [tai_y@knnnn.com] (Leading Investigative Journalist)
Brock Blockhead [brock_b@knnnn.com] (Weatherman)

Ad Crew:
Misty Ketchum
Sora Takenouchi
Li Syaoran
Ikki Tenryou
Sakura Avalon