Nana Fan Fiction ❯ Regrets ❯ Part III ( Chapter 3 )

Title: Regrets
Author: hostilecrayon
Fandom: NANA
Pairing: Nobuo/Hachi
Rating: PG
Warnings: Angst, Spoilers for up to the end of the anime/manga Chapter 84.
Disclaimer: Nana is property of Ai Yazawa, Cookie and Viz Media.
Word Count: 1,240
Notes: This goes out to Mint from fanfiction dot net, my only NANA fan so far!

 

This is Hachi dealing with her issues. Next chapter - character interaction! Horray!

 

Regrets - Part III

 

Hey Nana, despite everything that's happened, I still believe in fate. Don't get me wrong, I've questioned that belief more times than I can count, but in the end, I can't deny its existence.

 

I truly believe that it's fated that we'll meet again someday. Just you wait. I'll find you, Nana.

 

---

 

I thought long and hard about my conversation with Shin. It was brief, but the conversation seemed so much longer with all the subtext hidden in it. Shin knew, probably better than anyone, that Nobuo still had feelings for me. And even after all these years, I still had feelings for him, too.

 

But it was so much more complicated than that.

 

I toyed with the ring for the rest of the day, twisting it back and forth as I thought. Even Satsuki couldn't keep me distracted, and that's pretty rare. She can be a handful at times. I was so out of it, I almost burned the dinner.

 

We ate quietly, or I should say, I ate quietly, as Satsuki, being just a child, had a habit of asking rapid-fire questions about anything and everything. I waited for the question that she asked me every night, but I still couldn't help but flinch a little when it came.

 

Sleepily rubbing her eyes, she asked, “When is daddy coming home?”

 

I picked her up, carrying her to her room to lay her down for sleep. “Daddy is out of the country right now honey. He'll come see you as soon as his work is finished.” I knew that the majority of his work had been done for a while, but I couldn't tell Satsuki that. He'd come see her in his own time, as with everything else that wasn't work. He was a decent father, but since the separation he didn't see her nearly enough for either my or our daughter's taste. She missed him, and it was painful to see my daughter go through that.

 

I tucked her in and rubbed her back absent-mindedly until she fell asleep. I wandered out into the kitchen and cleaned up as I did every night. When I got around to checking my phone, I noticed I'd missed an e-mail. It was just a short note from Yasu asking if everything was well, and I replied that it was. Yasu had always been kind, and when Blast was still together, he sort of acted like a protective figure. I smiled a little at the thought of Yasu protecting me in Nana's place. It was just the sort of thing he'd do.

 

I laid back on the couch, and my mind dredged up memories of the wooden seats in room 707. As comfortable as the sofa was, I would have rather been sitting on the hard wood in room 707. But it would be meaningless without Nana. When Takumi and I separated, he offered to continue paying for that expensive apartment he'd gotten when he found out I was pregnant, but I refused. The day I moved out was one of the first steps I made towards independence.

 

However, I couldn't bring myself to stay in room 707 alone. So I got a job and paid my own way. Takumi still sends me money, and he would give me whatever I said I needed, but I made sure to take only what I needed for Satsuki. Not a single penny was spent on me. Otherwise, moving out of that expensive apartment would have been completely pointless. I was living in Tokyo, not far from the river that we used to walk alongside each day.

 

I wanted to be nearby if Nana came to look for me. I still go by there every once in a while, just to check on the place. All of us - Shin, Nobuo, Yasu and me as well - have ties to that place, and each month we split the rent four ways for an apartment that no one lives in. I think we all feel it's best to keep the place exactly as it was. No matter how many years pass, we all want to keep believing that Nana will be back one day and things will be normal again. For that purpose, time stopped in that room. It hasn't changed at all since I moved out.

 

The diamond on my hand caught my gaze again, and I wondered if I was really ready to take the next step. When I really thought about it, the only real difference was one that was in my mind. Takumi and I were over. We didn't hate each other, but it was still clear that our relationship was doomed right from the start. Anyone who knew me well knew this about me. I wasn't concerned with what strangers thought. So why was it so difficult?

 

I took a deep breath and told myself that I was just moving an object from one place to another. It really wasn't that important. I closed my eyes and just pulled.

 

It came off surprisingly easily for as long as I'd been wearing it. I blinked, looking at the ring now sitting in the palm of my hand. It was almost disappointingly simple, and yet, I could feel my chest tighten at the sight of it separated from my body. I could feel my eyes burn, and I quickly slipped it onto my right hand, wearing it like Nana did when Ren died.

 

Even though I was still wearing it, I felt different somehow. It was somewhat sad, and yet freeing at the same time. It was as if some of the burden left my shoulders that night, and I cried with the overwhelming release of it all.

 

I picked up my cell phone, wanting someone to talk to but not knowing who to call. Junko was busy with work, I'd already bothered Shin about it, and it wasn't something I'd talk to Yasu about. That only left Nobuo, but that wouldn't have been right, either.

 

In the end, I settled for sending Shin an e-mail that just said, “I did it!” with what I hoped looked like enthusiastic text. But Shin always did know me better than that. I got a reply almost instantly despite it being near midnight that said, “Is Satsuki sleeping?” Puzzled, I sent him back a yes and he responded again with “See you in a half hour.”

 

I told him not to come, but that was pretty useless. There was a soft knock on the door twenty-five minutes later. I closed Satsuki's door and padded in my bare feet to the apartment door and pulled it open. “I told you not to come…” but I cut off mid-sentence when I saw who was at my door. Not only Shin, but Nobuo and Yasu were there as well, complete with bags of alcohol and a mahjongg set.

 

The tears began to flow once more and Shin took my in his arms, hugging me for all he was worth. Nobuo and Yasu both smiled gently at me and squeezed past us into the apartment. “Don't worry mom,” Shin whispered, “your family is here now.”

 

It really did feel like coming home. If only Nana had been there, everything would have been perfect.

 

---

 

Hey Nana, you're part of this family, too. Come back to Tokyo.

 

If you do, I'm sure you will feel the same love that I do now.