Nana Fan Fiction ❯ Regrets ❯ Part IV ( Chapter 4 )

Title: Regrets
Author: hostilecrayon
Fandom: NANA
Pairing: Nobuo/Hachi
Rating: PG
Warnings: Angst, Spoilers for up to the end of the anime/manga Chapter 84.
Disclaimer: Nana is property of Ai Yazawa, Cookie and Viz Media.
Word Count: 1411
Notes: Wow, third piece of this story in one day. Now I want to sleep, as much as I'd like to write the next piece. Oh well. It probably won't be too long until I write Part V. As long as my muse doesn't run away with me, it'll probably be the last piece. Probably. But we all know my muse, right? It never listens to me. Oh well. We'll see.

 

 

Part IV

 

Hey Nana, do you ever wonder what life is all about? I don't have any answers to my questions, but right now, I don't really care. Being loved by my friends is what is important to me now.

 

Do you still love me, Nana?

 

---

 

To this day, I don't know what Shin told them to get them to come over in the middle of the night like that. All I know is that no one asked any questions. Yasu calmly set up the mahjongg tiles on my tiny coffee table. When Shin finally let go of me, he made sure to put the alcohol in the fridge after handing out beers to everyone. And Nobuo just sat on the couch watching Yasu set up the game. I did notice, however, that he had brought his guitar. In the days of Blast, this would have been pretty normal, but nowadays, I don't usually see Nobuo with his guitar. Especially not when he's just coming to my house.

 

I cracked open my beer and took a long swallow before taking a seat on the opposite side of the couch that Nobuo was on. Shin was already on the floor, mussing with the tiles Yasu had laid out. I wanted to say something, anything, but I still wasn't quite able to.

 

It seemed that no one expected me to speak yet. It took Yasu and Shin just a bit too long to set things up, and it was obvious that they were giving me time to adjust. It really just choked me up more, but for different reasons than before. I swallowed it back and tried to smile, looking over at Nobuo's guitar case as if I hadn't seen it earlier.

 

“Did you play somewhere tonight?” Though Nobuo still played his guitar probably every day, he didn't play publicly anymore. None of the Black Stones did. Not without their Nana.

 

Nobuo's complexion reddened a bit, and he said, “No, I'm just working on a song right now. I guess I didn't want to be too far from my guitar, if you know what I mean.”

 

I couldn't help but get a little excited. Nobuo's compositions were always my favorite. “Oh, really? Will you play it for me when you finish it? It's been a long time since I've heard anything you've written.”

 

He grinned, then chugged down the rest of his beer. He stood to get another. “Sure. Has it really been that long?”

 

“Yes, it has.” When I was younger, I may have gone a little over the top here, but I have also matured with age. At least in some ways. “I haven't heard anything new from you since Gaia music.” It was easier to say than `since Nana left'. “You've been teaching Satsuki to play, but you only play chords and harmonies. You never play anything of yours.”

 

Nobuo, whose face was in the fridge at that moment, peeked over the top of the door with raised eyebrows. “You were listening?”

 

I finished off my beer and laughed a little. “Of course. I want to make sure I know what you're teaching my daughter.”

 

Nobuo chuckled and came back with two beers, handing me one. “Like I would teach her anything bad.”

 

“Well, you never know.”

 

“You know me better than that.”

 

We both blushed a little here and there was a lull in the conversation. I did know him better than that, but I didn't know him as well as I once did. I watched as he took a large drink off of his newly opened beer then and I playfully scolded, “Don't drink too fast. I'm not going to be responsible if you pass out.”

 

“I'll be careful,” he said, but the friendly tone we'd been talking with sort of fell flat.

 

“Do you guys want to play?” Yasu asked, and we all sat on the floor around the coffee table.

 

Since we started getting together for the fireworks festival, they've taught me how to play. I'm still not very good, but at least now I can sort of keep up. We played a few rounds, and Shin even lost once to Yasu, but me and Nobuo both lost constantly, and after a while we excused ourselves from the game and went back to our spots on the couch to watch.

 

We'd both had a bit more to drink, but neither of us were really drunk, and as we sat in silence, Nobuo pulled out his guitar.

 

“I'll play you a couple of songs I've written recently, okay?” He plucked at the strings lightly, checking the sound. It was an acoustic guitar, and the sound was pleasant to hear. It had been a long time since I'd heard anyone play a guitar in the same room as me.

 

“Okay. But what about the song you're writing right now?”

 

“It's not finished yet. I promise I'll play it for you when it's finished.”

 

I hummed an affirmative, and he began to play. As always Nobuo's melodies affected me, but these newer songs seemed to reach me on a deeper level. I closed my eyes and listened to the soft sounds of the guitar and the clacking of tiles for a while.

 

He continued to play late into the night, and the more he played, the more I was moved by his music. It nearly brought me to tears. And that's when I realized it. All of his recent songs were sad ones. They had none of the upbeat chords that his Blast songs had. These chords were soft and low, almost as if he were playing the blues.

 

I opened my eyes and saw Shin looking at me with a melancholy expression. Shin must have heard these songs before. He told me that him and Nobuo still play together at his house sometimes. Shin's sad eyes were for me.

 

I knew why his songs were so sad. I just didn't know what to do about it.

 

A strip of sun appeared through the window and I rubbed my eyes, looking again as if it were an illusion. “Is it really already morning?”

 

Shin and Yasu were packing up the tiles and I yawned. “I have to go to work, so I have to leave. Sorry, Hachi,” Yasu said, tidying up the beer cans.

 

“Oh, please don't, I can get it. I'm sorry everyone stayed up all night because of me.” I reddened, looking down.

 

Yasu put a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Never hesitate to call on us if you need us around. Never.” I blinked at him, but he just smiled and dropped the cans in the trash. “Oh, and when I ask you if everything is okay, I don't just mean with Satsuki, either.”

 

My blush deepened.

 

I rubbed my eyes again and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost seven. Satsuki would be up soon. I yawned just thinking about it.

 

“I'm sorry Mom, if I didn't have to work, I'd stay and play with Satsuki so you could get some rest.” Shin hugged me tightly and pulled back with an apologetic look.

 

Yasu had already slipped out the door, but Nobuo just sat there on the couch with his guitar in hand, not even playing it anymore. I turned towards him and cocked my head to the side, but he didn't seem to notice me. “Nobuo?” I said softly, and finally, he came out of his daze and looked at me.

 

His eyes were red and puffy and Shin looked down, unwilling to see. I felt the least I could do was keep his gaze, though. It was my fault his eyes were like that. After a few moments, managed a smile. “I don't have work today, so why don't you get some rest? I'll take Satsuki to school and I'll wake you when she gets home.”

 

Shin smiled softly, waved, and walked out.

 

“You don't have to do that! I'll be alright…”

 

His voice was firm as he replied, “I want to. Get some rest.”

 

“Okay…” I wasn't sure what to do, so I just followed his instructions and went into my room and crawled into bed.

 

The soft sound of his guitar was my lullaby.

 

---

 

Hey Nana, that morning, I wanted nothing more than to gather Nobuo up in my arms and hold him until the earth stopped moving. But I was afraid.

 

Do you think I'm a coward?