Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Behind the Scenes: Naruto ❯ Censorship ( Chapter 8 )

Behind the Scenes: Censorship

 

Shikamaru: After selling the pirated footage I got from the two massive orgies I taped during the filler episodes; I made millions. I then took the money and bought the studio and the show. But I wasn't dumb, what a drag, so I needed a fall man in case something went wrong. Someone stupid, greedy, perverted…

 

Jariya: Yea I was picked by Shikamaru to be his partner. He knew that I did well in business and had a lot of sense. I mean come on I wrote the mother fucking Ichi Ichi Paradise. Man I rule it is like stealing money from Naruto's frog.

 

Cut Scene:

Announcer: This time on cops we have the worst type of scum. A old man thought he could get away with drugs. Watch as the cops pull over this man and confront him directly.

Cop: Sir will you please step out of your vehicle.

Jariya: (blood shot eyes) But mommy I don't want to go to party. I want to stay home with you.

Cop: Sir are you on drugs? If you do not step out of your car you will leave me no choice but to use force.

Jariya: *Leaves car holding blow up doll* Hey mom have you met my girlfriend? We are getting married next week her name is Nikki. Maybe we could have a threesome.

Cop: Sir will you open the trunk of your car.

Jariya: *Pops open trunk as soon as he does many frogs come leaping out*

Cop: So you're a frog licker, huh?

Jariya: No only thing I lick is your mom's pussy.

Cop; Alright that's it you piece of shit.

Jariya: *Forms a hand seals* “Summining no jutsu” *frog appears*

Frog: Hey man, you want to buy some weed?

Jariya: *Grabs frog and licks his back*

Frog: Hey! I said buy some weed not lick me!

Cop: Alright buddy you are going to jail…cuz this is fucked up and you're a devil.

Jariya: *stops licking* Everything is the Devil to you mom. *Runs back to car and jumps in and drives off*

Cop: *sighs* They don't pay me enough for this. *Cops jumps in car calls for backup and pursues Jariya.

Jariya: *turns toward his passenger seat which Nikki is sitting* Don't worry babe they will never stop us.

Announcer: Jariya manage to escape but was found later in an abandon field molesting his blowup doll which he calls “Nikki.”

 

Shikamaru: After bailing him out of jail I realized of course that the former studio executives would soon come down on me. What I didn't know was how low those bastards were willing to go.

 

Ex-studio executive: *Dressed in bum clothes drunk off his ass* That lazy bastard is goona get it gud. Hu,hu,hu, I sent the FCA after his ass. *Smiles several of his teeth are missing*

Cameraman: Weren't you only kicked out a month ago?

Ex-studio executive: I have expensive tases…

 

Cut Scene:

Studio executive: How much for the frogs?

Jariya: *molesting `Nikki'* What?

 

FCA Head: *Dressed in a tuxedo there are screams in the background* We aren't here to restrict ideas or concepts. We are just here to make sure that the first amendment is held up without impeding upon the values and morals of American society.

 

ChronoAlarm: What a bunch of shit.

*Door bell rings*

ChronoAlarm: *Answers door and sees a bunch of LAPD behind the door*

LAPD: You the guy who writes these filthy fan fictions?

ChronoAlarm: Uhhh…*Runs off screaming*

LAPD: Get him boys!

 

Announcer: Cops, we beat the shit out of minorities. On this episode we see a dirty mouthed teen get his.

 

*Scene is viewed from a shaky camera. Cops are wailing the shit out of the kid on the street*

ChronoAlarm: Fucking pigs!

*Cop takes out stungun and sticks it up his ass*

ChronoAlarm: *Shakes violently on the street as the cops continue wailing on his thrashing body*

 

FCA Head: We aren't bad people but we will have order! Hail Fuherer! *makes Nazi salute*

 

Shikamaru: The episodes went to shit soon after they got here.

 

Episode: 210 The *beep* ninja! Wait I can't say *beep*? What the *beep* is that? This blows my *Beep*!

 

Naruto: You know it's bull**** that we can't be on Adultswim because we are twelve year olds. I mean what the f*ck is Cartoon Network thinking. Without me their rating be down the f**king toilet.

Sakura: Yeah I know, I would love to say **** every now and then. I mean who the **** cares? D*mn these censors.

Kakashi: Well I would like to now who is the ****ing moron who decided that blood splatter on this show can be shown just as long as no one is bleeding at the time?

Naruto: Well I would like to know who the **** sent this idiot who keeps air horning all our ****ing words!

FCA air horn guy: *Turns to camera* Hey it's a living.

 

Naruto: Well I'm about to fix this now! Ahem, why you **** sucking **** smoking **** for brains ****. I'm gonna mother******* ******** your **** *****.

*Everyone on set is in shock Air horn guy drops horn*

Naruto: And who says learning isn't fun?

 

Anko: Well they decided that my clothes are too revealing for television so they had to make me wear a lot more clothes.

 

Episode: 45 American version of Naruto. *****fied

 

Anko: *Wearing a black trench coat.* It's ****ing hot!

Director: I don't care do the **** show. Cut! I only said damn!

FCA: That can't be on a family friendly network like Cartoon Network.

Director: That's it! *throws down script* You are going down! I haven't been able to smoke, drink or **** for days. What!? Now you are editing real life?

FCA: We do what we can for the children.

 

Director: *turns to Shikamaru* Now?

Shikamaru: Now.

 

Action 6 News: today, the FCA building was completely obliterated, masses of bodies were burned and several had pieces missing from them. The cause of this horrific act seems to be the work of ninjas. However, President Bush has insisted that this is the work of terrorists and that we must now invade Iran. Although his logic for his actions seem to be without any sense whatsoever, *reporter spits in disgust* So what else is news? And now we take you to Fox News for their half-brained and completely bullshitted one-sided reporting.

 

Fox News: Obey the Republicans!

 

Action 6 anchor: Thanks Fox *chugs bottle of booze and then finishes smashing it on the ground* God I need to get fucked!

 

Only Black guy: “I just realized I'm only back guy Fox has hired ever.” Goooooooooooooooood Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn” *Does Robot dance in background.*

 

Akatsuki: Because they need to die!

 

Ataksuki Leader; “Now does everyone understand that all pop idols must be destroyed!”

 

 

 

 

Zetsu: *Rings Britney Spears' doorbell*

Britney: *Answers door wearing nothing but a tube top* Yah? You the new guy I'm supposed to date?

Zetsu: *looks her up and down* Fuck this! *Disappears and reappears in front of Akatsuki hideout*

Akatsuki leader: You kill her?

Zetsu: No! If I eat that thing I might catch something!

Akatsuki Leader: But you ate Paris Hilton…

Zetsu: Trust me this bitch is on a whole new level of Stds..

Akatsuki Leader: Fine! I'll do this myself!

 

*Back at Britney's house*

Akatsuki Leader: *Appears and rings bell*

Britney: *Answers this time in a cowboy shirt and cut off jeans scratching her ass* Yah?

Akatsuki Leader: (thinks to himself) Damn Zetsu was right! I need to finish this off quickly! *starts making hand seals* Summoning Jutsu! *a bunch of shadowy creatures with large teeth and claws appear*

Britney: OH MY GAWD! Heartless ya know that is like such a rip off of Kingdom of Hearts *runs off screaming*

Akatsuki leader: (calmly) Fuck em up niggas!

 

*A little while later*

Britney: *Hanging upside down blood splattering the floor as blood runs from gashes all over her body* Why?

Akatsuki Leader: *Finishes dowsing the house with kerosene and lights a match* Because the world hates you. *Throws the match*

 

Akatsuki Leader: *Walking from the house as it explodes in flames* Remember kids, there isn't any need to kill strippers because most of them are already dead inside.

Announcer: Er…so why did you kill her?

Random women holding baby: “Oh my god house is on fire.”

Ataksuki Leader: “Let me see the baby.” *grabs baby from woman's arms and punts him away in distance. “God I love being evil.” *Hysterical laughter*

Random woman not holding baby: “You're a monster,” she says running away crying.

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ChronoAlarm: Well I'm on vacation now and I won't be able to update as regularly as I usually do. Don't worry though I'll update when I can…I'll just be busy for the next 10 or so days. Thanks for the reviews: Blu monkey, Nakitty and Kyocat16 I promise to keep them coming!

 

Side Note: Joy! I got a beta for Behind the Scenes, now I can finally get some quality control around here. So give it up for Chaotic Souls (Adam)!