Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Carry on Naruto! ❯ Lollipop ( Chapter 5 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Title: Lollipop, A Carry on Naruto! fanfiction

Author: A Spoony and Saffron fanfic.

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: (Generally) GaaLee, SasuNaru, KakaIru, KankyShinoKiba, ShikaChou, SakuIno, KuraJira, TemaHin, GaiTsu (onesided), ItaSaku (onesided) ItaTen (one sided)

Genre: Humour, crack! fic romance (sorta)

Rating: Err, 15?

Warning(s): Crack humour, randomness, mentions of sexual activates, innuendo, bad language, and drug references

Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto, not us *Weeps*

Summary: Have the Hyuuga's never heard of `door locks??'

Spoilers: Nothing specific

Author's notes:

Saffy: Definitely Spoony's love child, this one is. Before CoN! I had never thought of TemaHin, so I'm still prett new to it. This was Spoony lead (i.e her idea & setting) and I just rolled with it :3 On Hinata's dad, tis me that refers to him as `tasty', cos he is. Such a lovely older man *blush*

Spoony: Hinata is a pervert. Temari has amazing breasts. Neji… well he's Neji and Itachi is still a stoner. What can I say, I love the Yuri :D

Temari: Where the Hell am I?

Mysterious voice: S-somewhere safe..

Temari: But...how did I get here?

Mysterious voice: Y-you don't need to -w-worry about that. Just relax *Lights some incense*

Temari: Oh dear, I've been kidnapped haven't I?

Mysterious voice: Er... sort of...just r-relax and let me make you more comfortable...

*Sexy music suddenly appears*

Temari: Oh? Do I know you?

Mysterious voice: Maybe... *Nosebleed*

*MV person starts to approach the tied up Sand Nin and starts to giggle wickedly*

Temari: *Wriggles sexily* what's so funny?

Mysterious voice: Oh nothing *Hands shake as they move down to Temari's rather lovely body* Y-you have too m-many clothes on...

Temari: What the-*Tries to get free*

Mysterious voice: Oh please don't s-struggle, you'll j-just make those chakra chains tighter

Temari: Chakra chains? Whoever you are, you certainly put a lot of thought into this...

Mysterious voice: W-why thank you... I had to borrow them from a certain someone… t-they cost me some of my best photos

Temari: Really? But uh...you know who I am right?

Mysterious voice: Ohhhhhh yes *Drools and strokes the sand nin's blonde air*

Temari: Subaku no Gaara's sister? Normally that would put off a lot of people!

Mysterious voice: H-hai, that's w-where I got the chains from...

Temari: …GAARA??

Mysterious voice: *Blushes* H-hai, and h-he was quite a tough customer... those pictures are h-hard to obtain

Temari: Pictures? CHAINS!? What's my baby brother been up to??

Mysterious voice: *Giggles nervously* Oh I-I can't tell you I'm afraid, customer confidentiality. Although I'm sure your other brother might know... but then he's p-probably busy with Kiba at t-the moment

Temari: O_O

Mysterious voice: Oh y-yes you're a-all mine Temari-kin *Giggles again*

Temari: What you gonna do to me?

Mysterious voice: Anything I w-want... *Takes a picture*

Temari: So...you gonna tell me who you are?

Mysterious voice: E-erm no

MV: You'll have to guess and if you get it right I shall…er... release you?

Temari: Do I get a clue?

Mysterious voice: Y-yes *Giggle nosebleed swoon* Er... I like stuff

Temari: Heh, that narrows it down. Are you from Suna?

Mysterious voice: No *Strokes her hair* Try again

Mysterious voice: 4 more q-questions Temari-kun

Temari: And then what?

Mysterious voice: Then er- something! *Takes another picture* You'll get a reward for every time I say y-yes

Temari: Okay...you're from Konoha?

Mysterious voice: *Smiles and blushes* Yes *Kisses Temari's hand*

Temari: *Blushes* Um...One of the brat Naruto's friends?

Mysterious voice: Y-yes, I am one of Naruto-kun's friends *Kisses her arm*

Temari: Do...you know Kiba well?

Mysterious voice: *Blushes *Y-yes *Kisses her shoulder*

Temari: *Very red, smirking a little* Are you...that cute Hyuuga girl?

Mysterious voice: Y-y-yes *Leans down to kiss Temari on the lips when someone knocks on the door*

*Door opens and Neji walks in*

*Light floods room*

Neji: Hinata, your father wants you, why is it so dark in here? 0_o

Temari: Errr...

Hinata: Oh.. Neji...I..er…*Faints*

Temari: Um

Neji: Er

Temari: So...

Temari: How about them Nicks?

*Another knock*

Temari/Neji: Don't come in!

Shino: *Behind the door* Is Hinata there?

Neji: She's uh, asleep

Temari: Yeah... sound

Shino: Then why are you in her room?

Temari: ... er...

Neji: Training?

Shino: In her bedroom *Opens door, sees a passed out Hinata, blushing Neji, and a tied up Temari with her robe half undone*

Shino: ...

Temari: Er... it was a little too much for her.

Shino...

Neji: How much to make sure you don't tell anyone?

Shino: A hundred thousand yen

Neji: Bastard! That's extortionate even for you

Temari: Hey, you like that Kiba kid right?

Shino: Why?

Temari: How about you forget what you saw here and I'll send my brother on loads of missions so you can get it on with the dog boy?

Shino: But you can't send him on missions, only the Kazekage can

Temari: After what I found out tonight, Gaara will do anything I say... *Growls*

Shino: *Thinks about her offer* I-

Lee: IS NEJI-KUN HERE *Hyper*

Temari: What is wrong with this house, doesn't anyone ever think of locks?

Neji: Lee 0_o what are you doing here... I thought you were with. *Looks at Temari and gulps* you know who?

Lee: Who?

Neji: You know...*Whispers* Gaara?

Temari: What?

Lee: *Blushes * We're only friends, Neji-kun!

Hinata: *Nosebleed* pictures....

Neji: Riiight Lee... friiiiiiends

Lee: *Bright red* Just friends! Friendly friends that enjoy their youth....................you're not buying any of this are you?

Everyone: No....

Temari: YOU LITTLE PERV WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!

*Struggles in chains but can't break free*

Neji: Wow, those chains are good, I wonder where Hinata got them?

*Neji stares at her jiggling cleavage*

Lee: Wait, Gaara has chains like those...

Shino: So does Kankuro...so Kiba tells me

Temari: *Glaring at Neji* Are all men in Konoha perverts?

Neji: Did you never wonder why Konoha has such a high population?

*Poof*

Kakashi: Did I hear someone say pervert?

Everyone: !

Kakashi: Yo

Lee: Kakashi-sensei, how'd you get here?

Kakashi: The front door was open *Looks at Hinata on the floor, nose bleeding profusely* shouldn't you all be taking her to a hospital?

Neji: This is normal for her. All she needs is some tissues and a bucket.

Shino: *Nods*

Lee: Such a PASSIONATE Youthful girl! *Waves crash*

Temari: That she is *Blushes and leers at the younger girls bosom* and you guys interrupted us! *Tries to make a break for it again*

Kakashi: *Watches the jiggling'* Now if only Iruka had breasts, he'd be even more perfect

Everyone: 0_o

Temari: Okay, guys stop looking at my breasts! You're all gay for God's sake!

Neji: I'm not gay

Kaka: And I love everyone!

Temari: Really? *Looking at Neji* I'm sure I heard someone say you were *Shrugs*

Neji: *Red-faced* I have a girlfriend

Tenten: *Walks in* Well I might have told a few fibs when I was drunk...

Everyone: Tenten?

Lee: Tenten is your girlfriend and you never told me! *Cries*

Tenten: Ewww no, I like older men *Blush* I just came here because I heard there were sightings of the Akatasuki *_*

Lee: I heard that too! I came here to tell our youthful friend Neji, but I got distracted

Kaka: *Looking at Temari* Great distraction *Leers*

Hinata: *Wakes up and her eyes set to kill* NO LEERING AT MY TEMARI!

Everyone: 0_o Holy shit!!

Neji: Hinata!

Lee: You're Awake!

Shino: …

Tenten: Oh my! *Hides*

Kaka: No worries, I can leer at you instead

*Iruka appears and smacks the bejeezus outta Kaka* THAT'S for being a pervy cheater!!

Temari: Bloody hell!

Neji; So any way, did you say the Akatsuki?

Lee: Oh! Yeah they were spotted about a mile away from the village; there were two of them-

Tenten: Apparently they're in the village now!

Temari: My god! Have Naruto and my brother been warned?

Kakashi: Actually I don't think they've got anything to worry about.

Lee: Gaara's gone to observe them, and I can't find Naruto or Sasuke

Hinata: *Nosebleed* T-tissues please

*Hinata's rather tasty father walks in* Hinata, what-*Sees everybody* What's going on

Kakashi: ANBU meeting, top secret

Hinata's rather tasty father: In her bedroom

Hinata's rather tasty father: *Looks at Temari*

*Sighs* riiiiiight, I'm just going to ignore that scantily clad girl in chains on my daughter's bed

Everyone: Yes....

Neji: It's best for your sanity, uncle

Iruka: *Bows* We won't be long, Hyuuga-sama

Lee: YES!

Ten Ten: *Blushes*

Hinata: 0_o

Hinata's rather tasty father: ...Okay. *Leaves, muttering about the perverted, corrupted young*

Kakashi: So any way...like I was saying, does anyone know where Shikamaru and Chouji are?

Tenten: Why?

Kakashi: I get the feeling that I know where the Akatsuki are going

Temari: *Sniffs* Does anyone else smell that?

Lee: What?

=================================================

*Somewhere outside the Hyuuga residence*

MV2: Fuck fuck mothermother fuck...

MV3: *Beat boxing*

================================================

Everyone: 0_o

Neji: Oh god...

Temari: It can't be...

Kaka/Iruka: It is...

Tenten: *Blushes* He's back...

Hinata: But I thought he was stocked up t-to last him for at l-least six months...

Shino: .... *Getting flashbacks*

Tenten: I knew I should have worn my best tunic, first Hyuuga-sama, and now him! *Fusses over self*

Temari: So what's the plan?

Iruka: Run like hell?

Neji: We need to find Shika and Chouji fast, that way we can get him sorted fast

Tenten: F-f-fast? But...

Shino: ... They might be out...

Hinata: Yes, I heard there was an all you can eat opening up tonight...

Shino: No, I mean out of weed

Everyone: 0_o

Shino: A bad crop, I heard

Everyone: Shit...

MV2: PINK HAIRED CHICK!

Tenten: *Face falls* D'oh

Neji: Shit! We better move before he starts spouting soppy poetry

Tenten: *Almost in tears* One day he will write me soppy poetry... *Sniff sniff*

Kakashi: You don't want him to, trust me its terrible!

Neji: Anyway, let's get out of here before he starts crying!

Lee: YOSH!!

Temari: I'd join you guys, but I'm kinda... tied up here...

Hinata: *Blushes, reluctantly unties Tema*

*Boys poof away*

Temari: Thank you... *Smirking evilly* Now, what say we leave them to it ne?

Hinata: Y-yosh!

*Much girlie fumbling*

* Hinata's rather tasty father: on other side of complex* Oh good grief...

Temari: Mmmmmmm Hinata....

Hinata: T-....Temari!

Temari: Now for that reward *Grins evilly*

Hinata: Nani? *Almost dead from lack of blood*

Temari: I guessed right, so what's the reward?

Hinata: Ohh er.. I-I-I... me?

Temari: *Pervy grin*

OWARI

A Spoony and Saffron Production.