Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Carry on Naruto! ❯ Meatbun ( Chapter 6 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Title: Meatbun, A Carry on Naruto! fanfiction

Author: A Spoony and Saffron fanfic.

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: (Generally) GaaLee, SasuNaru, KakaIru, KankyShinoKiba, ShikaChou, SakuIno, KuraJira, TemaHin, GaiTsu (onesided), ItaSaku (onesided) ItaTen (one sided)

Genre: Humour, crack! fic, romance (sorta)

Rating: Err, 15?

Warning(s): Crack humour, randomness, mentions of sexual activites, innuendo , bad language, drug references

Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto, not us *Weeps*

Summary: Sai and his sexy tummy cause a whole lot of trouble!

Spoilers: Nothing specific

Authors notes:

Saffy: Well the lulz have come back and bitten me on the arse! I only introduced the concept of Tenten having a crush on Itachi (Back in `Bacon') because it was funny, now ItaTen has quickly grown on me and I love it! *Super inspired*

Spoony: So many wood jokes so little time. Huzzah for Sai! Er… yeah Itachi. Gawd bless him. And Kiba, he's such a man whore. Bawahahahahaha.

Itachi: *Sniff sniff* I miss my pink haired chick

Naruto: But you've never even spoken to her!

Itachi: But my heart has!

Tenten: you poor thing....

Sasuke: *Sneaks up* Giiiiiiiiiiiiirlfriiiiiiiiend

Itachi: *Starts wailing* TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CAN BE AS BAD ONE

Kisame: for fuck's sake!

Naruto: SASUKE! *Smacks him*

Tenten: It's okay Itachi-san, you'll find another to love *Blush blush*

Sasuke: Naruto, he butchered my parents and made me go crazy and leave you for like 5 years!

Naruto: True, but that's still mean

Sasuke: Plus he's really loud-*Interrupted by howling*

Itachi: YOU LOST THAT LOOOOOOOOOOVING FEELING!

Tenten: *Pulls a small pouch out her pocket and some papers*

Kisame:*Winces*

Tenten: Here Itachi-san, this might make you feel better

Itachi: I WILLL ALWA- *Sniffs the air and looks at the pouch. His eyes light up and he almost cries with joy* WEEEEEEEEED *Looking up at Tenten* How did you know? *Starts rolling a joint in under 30 seconds*

Tenten: *Blush*

Kisame/Sasuke: Oh God no, why??

Naruto: =.= Whaaaaaaat? Why did you have a bag of weed??

Tenten: Er... no reason. I think Shikamaru must've given me a sample to give to people I meet... yeah

Sasuke: Shikamaru doesn't give free samples

Tenten: ... Er...*Blushes till she's totally red*

Kiba: *Wanders up with Shino and a still howling Akamaru* What the hell was that noise?

Kisame: My idiot friend here. Don't worry she sorted it.

Tenten: Er... yes

Shino: ...

Kiba: Shino says why are you two back here?

Kisame: I'll give you 3 guesses, you'll only need one.

Itachi: Duuuuude this is some sweet cheba. Top of the line... *Goes up in a cloud of smoke*

Kiba: 3 guesses huh? Another holiday?

Naruto: Ramen?

Shino: ¬.¬

Sasuke /Kisame: Morons...

Shino: ...Itachi, is Konoha cannabis really that good that you'd risk your life to keep coming back?

Itachi: *Smiling goofy* Hell yeah... man I am so baked right now

Kiba: Even more than Grass Country? I heard their stuff was good!

Tenten: He likes it here! *Glares*

Itachi: Yeah, but I can't go to Grass no more...

Kisame: That's right, we're the only members of Akatsuki that can't go anywhere near the place thanks to his dumb ass

Sasuke: Let me guess... customs?

Itachi: Hell yeah, they try to oppress me cos all I wanted to do was take some sweet cheba as souvenirs, and they were like, "No"

Kisame: Then to cap it off the moron tried to hide in my clothes...

Itachi: But your ma boy blue

Kisame: So, 20 bodies later, we finally left Grass for good

Itachi: Ch'a they were total assholes

Kiba: You KILLED them??

Kisame: Well, we are Akatsuki, that's what we do

Itachi: I dunno, did we?

Kisame: Of course you did. As soon as they started to dispose of your weed you went nuts. It was horrible, blood everywhere, organs squelching, it was like Kakuzu birthday all over again *Shudders*

Itachi: Oh… my bad.

Sasuke: *Shudders* Wow, sounds a lot like my childhood

Naruto: o.0 … Teme, if we ever get married, remind me not to invite him

Sasuke: Done and done

Kiba: You guys are gonna get married?

Itachi: B'uh?

Naruto: *Red* No! I'm not marrying this asshole!

Sasuke: Likewise... *Blushes and tries to hide it*

Tenten: Uh huh.... Itachi san are you feeling better?

Itachi: I'm totally baked...thanks, uh, *Looks* Meat bun chick

Everyone: Meat Bun?

Itachi: She's got meat buns in her hair....

Tenten: 0_0

Shino: That's a hairstyle, Tenten's hair

Itachi: ...Dude I so have the munchies right now *Starts to drool slightly as he eyes up Tenten's hair*

Tenten: 0_0

Kisame: I'd run away if I were you

Itachi: *Slowly walks towards Tenten and grabs her into a hug*

Tenten: Itachi-San! *Super Massive Blush*

Kisame/Sasuke: RUN!

Itachi: Mmmmmmmmm Meatball girl *Starts to chew on her hair*

Tenten: *Screams in horror* HELP ME!!

*Kisame rips her out of the stoner's hold quickly* You lose any hair?

Tenten: *Sniffs tearfully* I don't think so…

Itachi: *Blinks and looks around* Meatball?

Sasuke: Would someone please knock him out before he starts trying to eat someone else's hair?

Naruto:*Puts on his walrus hat to protect his hair*

*Sakura and Ino are walking by* What the-

Tenten: *Traumatised*

Kisame: You! *Pointing at Sakura* Go. Now

Sakura: What did I do? And who are you?

Kiba: Seriously, leave now!

Itachi: *Blinks and sees nothing but pink*... ohhhhhhh

Sasuke: RUN SAKURA RUN!

Ino: No! We're not leaving until you tell us why there are Akatsuki here *Crosses arms*

Itachi: PINK HAIRED CHICK! BABY, YOU ARE MYYYYYYYY ONE AND ONLY!

Kisame: Jesus

Sakura: HUH!?

Naruto: RUN SAKURA-CHAN!!!!!!!

Itachi:*Over dramatic rock star pose* ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND IIIIIIIIIIIIII WILLLLLL LOOOOOOOOOVE YOU BAAAAAAAAAAAABEH

ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLWAYS!

Kisame: ENOUGH! *Smacks him up side the head with his HUGE sword*

Itachi: *Dazed* Buh, Pink haired...meatballs *Passes out*

Ino: ...What. The. FUCK?

Sakura: Did I just narrowly dodge a bullet there?

Kakashi: I'd say so

Naruto: You're late!!! *Pointing*

Kakashi: Sorry, a dolphin was chained up and I just had to...

Sakura/Naruto: LIAR!

Sasuke: Why is Kankuro with you, you tired of Iruka already?

Kakashi: Nah I could never get tired of Iruka *Nosebleed* However Kanky here was lost and needed to find a certain someone, and look there he is

Kiba: Well hey there puppet boy, wanna pull my strings?

Kanky: Ohhh yeah, I'll show some wood all right

Shino: *clears throat* I'm right here you know

Kiba: Oh my bad, I'm just itching to get under both of your skins

Kakashi: Wow, he's such a pimp

Kanky/Shino: I'm not having a threesome (again)

Kiba: *Turns on the puppy eyes* Pleaseeeeee. I'll let you tie me up?

Sasuke: Hmmmm those eyes look familiar

Naruto: *Looking nervous* Yeah... so not teaching people that

Shino: No. Not after the brownie incident

Kanky: Yeah, that was just wrong

Kiba: PLEEEEEEEEEEASE?

Kanky: NO

Kiba: How about a five some for my birthday

Tenten: *Still traumatised* ...I smell of ...skunk...

Kiba; Awwwwwww...

Kiba: Naruto, I want my 500 yen back that eye shit so does not work. *Starts pouting*

Shino/Kanky: ...

Sasuke: It's because everybody knows you've banged half the village, it only works on Naruto because he's only been with me *Turns to Naru* RIGHT?

Naru: Hehehe, right! (*Note to self, don't tell him about the xmas party incident with Sai*)

Shino: Pouting...

Kanky: Yeah...

Shino/Kanky: Must resist

Kiba: *Going very red* No I haven't!

Kaka: Yeah you have, remember the Jounin party two years ago?

Kanky: What party?

Kiba: I was wasted!

Kaka: well you were pretty popular...with Raidou...Genma...Yamato...that guy with one arm...

Kisame: 0_0 Damn, boy!

Sakura: How come we never hear of these parties!

Sai: you're dickless

Naruto: GAH! *Jumps* Don't sneak up on me Teme!

Sasuke: Teme?

Naruto: Eh? 0_o eep!

Sai: Well hello Naruto, still sad about you non-existent penis? Never mind

Sasuke *Twitching* What did you say?

Ino: *Drools*

Tenten: Another Uchiha? Okay now I'm confused

Kakashi: Ah Sai you've made it

Sai: Oh of course, I'd love to help Naruto find his penis *Looks at Itachi* Is that guy dead?

Sasuke: OVER MY DEAD BODY! *Whips out sword and charges Sai*

Naruto: TEME!

Kiba: Wow, look at his abs! *Drools*

Shino: Grrr

Sai: Oh look an Uchiha compensating, how special

Sasuke: DIE!

Naruto: Oh crap

Kanky: Kiba you man whore!

Kiba: Uhhh, I was just saying

*Sakura to Ino* Would you ever fight someone for me?

Ino: Oh yeah, I'd kick all ass for your ass! *Determined!*

Poor Kisame: *Thinking: This is the weirdest place on earth*

Sakura: Ohhhhh Ino *Swoons*

Kanky: You know what bug boy, I think you and I should go entertain ourselves whilst the manwhore over there gets himself out of this one

*Sai and Sasuke fighting in the background*

Sasuke: He's my Dobe not yours!

Sai: But I want to find his penis

Naruto: *Blushes* Hey, I have one and it's Teme's!

Kaka: I wish Iruka was here, he could fight for me...naked *Leers*

Kiba: Hey, hot tummy guy, why don't you help me try and find mine? *Wiggles eyebrows*

Shino: Puppet boy I think we should go now...

Kanky: That's a great idea. As long as your bugs don't mess with my puppets, I think we can get along fine

Kiba: Ah- I didn't mean it, I love being between both of you, I mean, I love you both!!

Shino/Kanky: Tough...

*Shino/Kanky walk off together hand in hand heads raised high*

Kiba: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO *Falls to knees dramatically*

Sai: Your penis belongs to Sasuke? But that's not what you said before

Everyone: 0.0/ 0_\

Naruto: DID TOO!

Sasuke: *Cursing* He's mine and that's it. *Grabs Naruto and starts making out with him*

Kiba: WHY ARE YOU TORMENTING ME UCHIHA! *Cries*

Saku/Ino/Tenten: Wow! *Get out their camera phones*

Sai: Ohhhhhhhhh well, I'll find out one day... *Looks over at Kiba* Hmmmmmm I wonder if he has a dick?

Tenten: *Looking at passed out, drooling Itachi* Still cute… Damnit it something's wrong with me *Bluuuush*

Kiba: Shino...Kanky...whhhhhy? *Sobs*

Itachi: Twitch...

*Akamaru starts barking at Kiba*

Kiba: You're right as always, my reputation has driven away the men of my life *Sniffs* What should I do?

Aka: *Barkbark*

Kiba: Monogomy? What's that?

Kaka: Is that a type of furniture?

Sakura: *Clobbers Kaka* You idiot!!

Ino: Pervy teacher, don't you know anything good and pure??

Kaka: I do! *Whips out a book* BEHOLD!

Ino: Icha Icha Pure and Good?

*Tenten looks away from Itachi to read the back* The naughty downfall of Mayumi the nun, featuring the infamous scene with Mayumi, her fellow nuns, the pulpit and the...DONKEY IN A GIMP SUIT??????

*Girls disturbed to their very core*

Sai/Kisa/Kiba: Donkey????

SasuNaru: *Still making out*

Sai *Sneaking up on Kiba, string at his crotch and scribbling notes* Hmmmmmmm no reaction

Kiba: Do ya mind, I'm a bit heartbroken here!

Sai: But I'm only trying to asses whether you in fact have a penis or not. *Sighs and stretches so more of his stomach is showing*

Kiba: *Looks, nosebleed*

Naruto: *Growling* Mmmmmm Teme...

Sasuke: *A tad breathless* Home. Now.

Kisame: Damn, kid. What's your secret? And how can I turn it around so I can get chicks??

Kakashi: I could give you lessons if you want...

Itachi: B'uh... my head hurts...

Tenten: Itachi-san!

Kisame: Oh God, he's awake. Wait, did you say lessons?

Tenten: Itachi-san, are you better now?

Ino: Sakura-chan, I think this is as close to a male orgy as we'll ever get to...so I think we should go now!

Tenten: *Quickly undoes her hairdo*

Itachi: *Looks sees a halo of light and long hair drifting into his face* You... I know you...

Sakura/Ino *Makes a disappearance that makes Kaka proud*

Tenten: Yeah, I got you your smoke, and you tried to eat my hair *Blush*

Itachi: *Blinks* You're the angel of weed...

Sasuke: As much as I want to watch my idiot brother make a fool out of himself... *Grabs

Naruto* The Dobe needs my attention.

*Both Sasuke and Naruto disappear*

(Naruto has a small mark on him with the words *Property of Uchiha Sasuke*)

Tenten: Angel-Oh my *Bluuuush* (Thinking: Okay, get a grip, you're a smart and sassy weapons Jounin, not some wet Genin girl, say something smart!!)

Tenten: Um, I'm a C-cup

(Inner TT: Not THAT!)

*In background, faintly heard: Kaka to Kisa: So then you slip your arm round her, Sai: Penis experiment...*

Itachi: B'uh? *Rolls his head onto her lap *Comfy...

Kisame: *Rolls his eyes, turns to Kaka* So a backrub can JUST be a backrub? Why would I do that?

Kiba: Well, Mr Penis fixation, I'd sure like to help you in your 'experiment'

Aka: *Growls*

Kiba: I know I know, I'll be mahogany from tomorrow!

Sai: How about you be wood right now?

Tenten: *Still red* How's your head now Itachi-san?

Itachi: B'uh, feels like I've been bitch slapped by Deidara when she's pmsing...

===============================================

Deidara: *Mid-murder in Mist Country, looks up* I'm a straight guy! *shakes fists at sky*

===============================================

Kiba: Wood eh? How romantic...would you mind sharing me with two other guys? I'd have the whole set, the quiet pervy one, the weird pervy one, and now the... pervy pervy one with the sexy tummy!

Kakashi: -And make sure you show just the right amount of muscle before it gets to the 'Barry White' stage

Itachi: *Snuggles closer to Tenten* This is good, angel 'O' weed...

Tenten: *Blushing madly, lowers a hand to his hair, fingers shaking* Itachi-san...

Kisame: Uh uh *Jots down some notes* I will get a woman. Shit if stoner boy can get some, so can I!

Sai; More penises... Of course. All in the name of science!

Aka: -.- (Thinking: these humans are hornier than the Inuzuka dogs!)

Tenten: You have very nice hair Itachi-san

Kaka: Oh and don't forget, sex in public is always great

Chouji/Iruka: What the hell is going on here??

Itachi *Snapping out of his daze* DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDES!

Tenten: Oh shit

Iruka: Kakashi, are you giving out your pervy tips again? *Crosses arms*

Kaka: …Er, yes?

Sai: Well, dog boy here is taking me home to show home where he likes to hide his bone... *Waves goodbye*

Kiba: So wrong, but so damn right! *Skips off hornily with Sai*

Aka: (Silly humans) *Trots after them after Spoony-san GETS OUT OF THE FANFIC AND STOPS PLAYING WITH THE DAMN DOG *Saffy glare*

... DOGGY!

GET ON WITH IT! *Boots wife*

*And so the Konoha ninjas dealt Itachi some weed, Kisame learnt some more pimping techniques from Kakashi and then some proper ones from Iruka, whist Tenten went home and wrote yet another poem about the pot head Itachi... oh yeah and Sai found where Kiba like to hide his bone*

*The End*

Oh dear

Will Kiba get his loves back?

Will Sai get any more?

Will Kisame get a date?

Will Tenten ever get her man?

When will we find out about Neji's 'mystery' girlfriend?

And where was Hinata in this near male orgy?

Almost none of these questions will be answered in the next exciting chapter of `Carry on Naruto'!

*Gone with the Wind theme music*

A Spoony and Saffron Production.