Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Carry on Naruto! ❯ Halloween, A Carry on Naruto! fanfiction ( Chapter 7 )

Title: Halloween, A Carry on Naruto! fanfiction
Author: A Spoony and Saffron fanfic.
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: (Generally) GaaLee, SasuNaru, KakaIru, KankyShinoKiba, ShikaChou, SakuIno, KuraJira, TemaHin, GaiTsu (onesided), ItaSaku (onesided) ItaTen (one sided)
Genre: Humour, crack! fic romance (sorta)
Rating: Err, 15?
Warning(s): Crack humour, randomness, mentions of sexual activites, innuendo , bad language, drug references
Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto, not us *Weeps*
Summary: Our Halloween special, delivered spectacularly late cos Real Life crashed into our fic bubble D: But we did this in the small hours of Halloween, so it counts!
Spoilers: Nothing specific
Authors notes:

SAFFY: More crossdressing in this fic than a crossdressing carnival! I hope you all enjoy this belated piece of random, this fic almost killed us *ded tired*

SPOONY: My brain hurts. Still Itachi is a bloody moron with no idea about women, Naruto is fantastic as is Sai and Neji finally tries to get it on. Oh there is also a fucked up cameo by everyone’s favourite Snake Pervert. *shudders* Gah, any way enjoy the craziness… and the random pussy joke *snort*




*The witching hour is upon the small town, and the dark moves with purpose, towards a small apartment of a certain female Jounin…*

Kurenai: Neji, you sure no one followed you here?

Neji: Oh course, I would've seen then coming... now lets see what you have under that...

Kurenai: Well, since you've been so bad, I don't know if you deserve this treat *winks naughtily*

Neji: Ohhhhhhhhh *small trickle of blood runs down his nose*

Kura: *Rolls her eyes* You Huuyga's are all the same I guess…think you deserve this? *Removes robe to reveal rather naughty night attire*

Neji: *Starts to nosebleed more* Stupid Blood Limit... *Moves closer to Kurenai* Oh I've been a really, really good boy...

Kura: Oh yeah?

*KNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCK*

Neji: Oh bloody Hell!

Kura: *Covering herself up* Shit! Hide in the bedroom or something!

Neji: Goddamn! Get rid of who ever it is quickly *Slaps her backside*

Kura: *Hurries to door* Who is it?

Kakashi/ Iruka: TRICK OR TREAT!

Kura: Excuse me?

Kakashi: You know, Trick or treat

Iruka: Give us candy and we'll hand over the beer!

Kura: 0_O oh sweet Hokage, what the hell are you two dressed as? I thought Tsunade-sama banned you from your role playing in public?

Iruka: N-no! We're Characters from Battle Royale!

Kura: So why the skirt?

Kaka: Dear Kurenai, as a fellow ninja I am offended by your narrow mindedness!

Kaka: He just looks cute

Kaka: Great legs, easy ass access

Kura: ... Oh god. Now I don't have anything so why don't you two boys run along now and go bother someone who cares *Tries to shut the door*

Kaka: *Pushes past* No why would you go and say that, when this is the official Halloween party?

Iruka: *Walks in with multiple packs of beer* I know it’s 'bring a bottle', but there was a special on orange beer

Kura: What the Hell? *Lets the door shut* Party? What the hell are you guys talking about?

Kaka: So, we just put our junk in your bedroom right?

Iruka: Well this morning there was a bunch of flyers going round town! It said there was a party at yours!

Kura: What... NO! No, no, no! *Looking at Iruka* What? Flyers? I did no such thing...

Kaka: *Opens bedroom door* Oh hello Neji

Iruka: Were you putting away your stuff too

Neji: Er... yes?

Kaka: I have to say Neji you haven't put much effort into your costume

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

Iruka: Looks like this will be a good night! *Opens door*

Gai: MY ETERNAL RIVAL- *Clocks Iruka* Uh, I mean, MY ETERNAL RIVAL'S BOYFRIEND! Happy Halloween!

Kura: 0.o

Iruka: HOLY SHIT!

Kaka: Oh Lord, Gai what the hell are you, an 80's throw back?

Neji: Gai Sensei!

Kura: What the FUCK are you wearing?

Gai: I am reliving my youth, I am Run DMC

Kaka: Run DMC was a group

Gai:...I represent the SPIRIT of the group!

Everyone: Riiiiiiiiight

Neji: *Grumbles* Why do I have to be in his team...

Sakura: Hey, I think the party's getting started come on guys!

Kura: What, There’s more?

Neji: Huh?

*Sakura and Ino walk in dressed as Xena and Gabrielle respectively, each carrying wine, Sasuke and Nauto follow*

Ino: Wow, there’s that freaky orange beer I was telling you about

Naruto: Iruka-sensei, why are you wearing a skirt?

Iruka: *Glaring at Kakashi* See I knew this was a bad idea

Kaka: *Shrugs* Could be worse, you could've been a rent boy like Sasuke

Sasuke *Bright red* I'm NOT A RENT BOY!

Kura: Could've fooled me

Neji: So what are you supposed to be any way?

Sasuke: Er, an emo

Kaka: Emo rentboy?

Sasuke: *Grits teeth* No, just emotional

Naruto: That's a first

Kaka: Any way, Naruto-kun why are you in a skirt?

Sasuke: He's Sailor Moon

Naruto: That was a fuckin awesome show, Teme, and you know it!

Everyone: *Sweat drops*

Kaka: I knew you had that Sexy-no-jutsu Naruto, But I didn't realised it was based on that anime

Naruto: I learned many of my life lessons from Sailor Moon!

Neji: Like the importance of regular waxing?

Naruto: *Ups the middle finger* Teme defend my honor!

Sasuke: He's got a point though...

Sakura: Wow Gai, I never knew you liked rap!

Kura: Oh god, why me?

Neji: Why us?

Ino: Why us what?

Neji/Kura: N-nothing!

Kaka: Well now, this is getting freaky I wonder what else is going to happen *Cracks open a beer*

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

Sakura: *Goes to open door* Think there’s gonna be a lot of people. On the way here people kept on asking if we were a group of hookers *Opens door* ...Oh my God

Naruto: Baa-chan what the Hell is that?

Tsunade: Hush your mouth you cross dressing brat.

Gai: SHE-RA!

Tsunade: *Glaring at Gai then to Kakashi and Iruka* I though I told you to keep your sex games in your house

Iruka: This is just for Halloween!

Kaka: Yeah, the x-rated version is at home in the playroom. Next to the- *Iruka quickly covers his mouth*

Iruka: Hehehe, ignore him, he’s getting old! *Red*

Naruto: That’s just wrong!

Tsnuade: *Looking at Sasuke* So finally turned to a life of prostitution eh?

Sakura: Wow, you look great Tsunade!

Sasuke: I'm not a-

Gai: BOUNTIFUL GODDESS

Ino: *Snickers*

Tsnuade: *Cracks knuckles* Don't even start with that shit you 80's reject. *Looks at his costume* And I didn't think you could do any worse than that leotard, guess I owe Jiraiya that 500 yen

Sakura: Hey Sasuke-kun, give us a lapdance *Giggles*

Ino: And Naruto too, show us what under that skirt! *Leer*

Naruto/ Sasuke: Now that’s just creepy

Gaara: Hi

Everyone *Screams*

Kura: Where the FUCK did you come from?

Gaara: Suna...

Lee: Are we late?

Iru: You almost gave me a heart attack!

Naruto: GAARA! *Eyes all wide and sparkly* Did you come dressed as Tuxedo Mask?

Sasuke: *Instant jealous face*

Ino: ...Nice catsuit Lee. It's a lot like your genin outfit

Gaara: I am the Phantom of the Opera

Lee: And I'm a cat from, uh, Cats!

Kaka: Oh, nice

Neji: Let me, guess you told Lee and he got the wrong idea right Gaara?

Gaara: I wanted him as Christine

Everyone: *Imagines Lee in a frilly dress, shudders*

Tsunade: I think I might be sick *Opens sake*

Kaka: Oh dear god no *Covers his whole face*

Neji: Again, why am I in this team?

Kiba: 'sup dudes!

Lee: *Blush* I wouldn’t look good in a dress Gaara-san!

Gaara: Yes you would

Tsunade: Is this gender bending Halloween? Another man in a dress!?

Naruto: 0_o KIBA!

Sakura/ Ino: WOW!

Kura: A French maid's outfit! Did you get it from 'Leaf after Dark' cos I have something very similar!

Neji: *Nosebleed*

Kaka: Oh yeah Iruka has one just like that in pink, don't you dear?

Iruka: KAKA-BASTARD! Stop telling them about that stuff... *Blushes*

Kiba: Yep, I bought it special to win back the loves of my life! And I even made a special vow to be loyal and never flirt!
I even got special white frilly undies *Lifts skirts* Like my panties Sasuke?

Sasuke: *Whips out some vodka and downs*

Naruto: *Growling* KIBA!

Kiba: What? I was just showing him the rest of my outfit, like this *Shows Kaka*

Naruto: Stop flirting with my boyfriend!

Kaka: *Nosebleed*

Iruka: *Slight nosebleed* Put your skirt down Kiba!

Ino/Sakura: WHAT A SLUT!

Kura: KIBA STOP THAT THIS MINUTE!

Kiba: What?

Kura: *Muttering* Bloody whore...

Neji: Okay, someone better get me a drink or else I am going to kill myself

Lee: *Hands him a beer* What's your costume Neji?

Neji: Er... I'm er... a clone of myself

*knock knock knock*

Kura: MORE PEOPLE? Jesus, I never even...

Gai: Of course there’s more people. It is a party!

Kiba: *Muttering: PleasebemyboyfriendsPleasebemyboyfriends* *Opens door*
Oh damn…

Asuma: This Kura's party? *Looks around* Wow *Sees Kiba, Naru, Iru and Sasu* Or is this a gay brothel? If so I don't swing that way

Tsunade: I know the feeling...

Kura: Wow, Nice costume

Gai/ Lee: SO YOUTHFUL AND SPRING LIKE!

Sasuke: Monkey, nice

Iruka: *Gasps* MONKEY! Damn I wish I had thought of that!

Gaara: Hmm

Shika: It took us ages to come up with that...

Naruto: Shikamaru! Chouji you made it! Wow...er what did you come as?

Neji: ...Drug dealers?

Shikamaru: For once no...

Chouji: We're from Clerks!

Kaka: Dante and Randal right?

Iruka: Oh god, Kakashi made me watch those films like 100 times...

Sasuke: They're good films

Shikamaru: Thanks... man whore?

Sakura: So why them?

Naruto: *Cracks up laughing* This is too funny!

Sasuke: For the LAST TIME I AM NOT A WHORE!

Kakashi: Yeah why not Jay and Bob, surely that would've been more... appropriate for Kohona's biggest drug lords

Shikamaru: Oh you'll see why...

Tsunade: Oh

Asuma: Yeah that reminds me, did you bring the 'treats' I ordered for the party?

Chouji: Of course... *Points to his bag*

Kura: This can't be good

Kiba: *Perks up* Treats?

Neji: I hear that

Shikamaru: Yeah, but you better get in quick, I've got a feeling there gonna be gone pretty quick

Kanky: No more treats!

Kiba: *Gasps* YOU CAME!

*Love theme plays*

Kanky: *Walks in with Shino* Yeah, like I'm gonna miss a chance to see Gaara make a fool out of himself

Naruto: Er... but you're dressed as Gaara

Sasuke: Oh that is just creepy as hell. Why would anyone wanna dress like their brother?

Everyone: *Looks at Sasuke*

Sasuke: What?

Kiba: *Stars in eyes* You're both here *Glomps* Where’s your costume Shino?

Shino: *Points to sticker*

Kiba: God?

Kanky: Oh yes, and trust me he is one... in the bedroom

Everyone: OH GOD NO!

Kakashi: *Nosebleed and starts to scribble stuff down again*

Kura: I really didn't need to hear that *Downs a shot of Absinth*

Temari: Kanky are you being a super pervert again?

Kiba: *Still glomping*

Sakura: Wow Temari you look...

Neji: *Nosebleed and gets smacked upside the head by Kura*

Temari: Why thank you, you should take a look at Hinata; *Drags her in*

Kaka: *Drops notebook* Guh

Naruto: Woah

Sasuke: Eeew

Temari: Quiet man whore!

Sakura/Ino: *NOSEBLEED*

Tsunade: Cute combo, devil and angel. Shizune and I did that a few years back

Gai: *drooling* Really?

Naruto: Wow, I wonder which one you were... *Snickers*

Tsu: *Goes to flick Naruto* Wanna say that to my face brat?

Sakura: Gods, how long did it take you to get into that PVC suit Temari?

Temari: A long time

Hinata: Although it doesn't take her long to get out of it *Nosebleed leer* With a lot of babyoil

Kaka: *Still stunned*

Iruka: Hmmph

Ino: Wow, I've got to get me one of those. And those horns! Hehehe, oh Hinata you're wings are so cute and that dress...

Neji; THAT’S NOT A DRESS THAT’S A BELT!

Hinata: *Blushes*

Naruto: Wow, why didn't we think of that Teme?

Sasuke: Because you had your heart set on that Sailor Scout costume, besides it suits you...

~Kyuubi~: Someone kill me...

Sasuke: Easy ass access

Iruka: Kakashi said that about me earlier!

Kaka: Well it's true

Kiba: Hell yeah!

Shino/Kanky: Slut

Kura: I am so fucking ashamed right now it's unreal...

Shikamaru: Don't worry, you're not going to be the only one shamed by their clan tonight

Mysterious Voice: Fuck fuuck, mother mother fuuck

Sasuke: Oh no...!

Naruto: What?

Sasuke: It can't be...

Sakura: Oh God no!

Karu: *Glares at Shika and Chouji* You didn't did you?

Kaka: Ahhhhhhhhhhh so that’s why you're Randal and Dante...

Itachi: *Burst into the room* SNOOGINS!

Kiba: *Feints fright* Oh no *Hides behind exes for gropage*

Kisame: *Follows behind shaking his head*

Sasuke: HOLY SHIT! What the hell are you dressed as?

Tsu: And didn’t I ban you two from Konoha?

Itachi: T'cha, ain't nothing but a thang, big boobed lady, we're just swinging by for the best fuckin party on the continent!

Kisame: Dickhead...

Kakashi: Wow they're really in character

Sasuke: Like Itachi would have a hard time portraying a pot head *Rolls eyes*

Itachi: Woah, bro, seriously I knew I fucked up your life, but what’s with the get up? You turned to sucking dick for money?

Sakura: *Hiding behind Ino* Oh god...

Lee: Why does everybody think that about Sasuke-kun's outfit, Gaara-san? It’s no different to what you wear at home…

Kanky/Tema: Ugh, too much information!

Kiba: So uh, guys. I know I kinda screwed around and stuff, but you leaving me has taught me the good and pure lessons of love, so I'm turning over a new leaf! I'm a new Kiba!

Shino: Then why are you dressed like a French whore?

Kiba: ... Er for funsies?

Naruto: And why did you flash my Teme and Kakashi?

Iruka: Flashing his panties at my man! *Grrr*

Kiba: Er... I’m drunk? I was JUST showing off the costumes! Jeeze, bunch of prudes. But seriously, I haven't set eyes or slept with anyone since you guys

Sai: *Walking in* Apart from me of course

Kiba: *Starts, thinking: SHIT!*

Sasuke: You! *Death glare*

Naruto: GASP! TUXEDO MASK!

Sai: Good people of small sized penises, I am Sai-O!

Kakashi: Now that’s a damn lie right there!

Kanky/Shino: What?

Sai: And he *Points at Kiba with his sword* Has been marked by me!

Kiba: No I ain't! *Sweats* I have no idea who this guy is really....

Kanky: Wasn't he there when we dumped you?

Shino: ...

Kiba: No Shino, I wasn't hitting on him!

Sai: SILENCE! *Lunges with his sword and cuts a P into the front of Kiba's dress*

Kiba: WTF? Why did you just ruin my fucking dress you bastard!

Sai: I'm in character, and as my woman I mark you!

Ino: Anything you want to admit Kiba?

Kanky/Shino: Yeaaaaaaaaaaah?

Kura: Oh god, why me? *Hides her head in Neji's chest*

Kiba: ...............................I'M SORRY! I'M WEAK! AFTERYOUTWODUMPEDMEANDSTOMPEDONMYHEARTIWASCRYINGANDHEWASTHEREANDIWASTHEREAN DITWASONLYTHEONEDAYANDI'MSOSOSORRYPLEASEFORGIVEMETHISOUTFITCOSTME15,000YENA NDIWANTYOUTWOBAAAAAAAAACK *Passes out from lack of oxygen*

Naruto: Wow

Sasuke: Yeah...

Itachi: Dude, he is so pussy whipped!

Sai: *Frowns* but I don't have a cat...

Asuma: Not that kind of pussy Sai...

Lee: Meow?

Gaara: No, not you either.

Temari: GAARA!

Gaara: What?

Kisame: This is worse than Queer as Folk -_-;;

Itachi: Dude, tell me about it. It's worse than Deidara

Temari: Did Lee teach you all these dirty things? *Glares*

Lee: I'm innocent I swear!

Naruto: *Hiding behind Sasuke* Gulp!

*Tenten runs in and bolts door, hysterical* Keep his grabby hands away from me!!!

Everyone: 0_o