Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Demons of No Hope ❯ Facing the truth ( Chapter 1 )

Demons of No Hope

-Facing the truth

What the hell am I doing? I didn't want to be a ninja. But it seems that its all I have. No one will listen to my pain. It feels like I'm the only one that knows this pain. I feel all alone, that no one cares. Is it all a dream? Did everything not happen? And will I ever wake up from this nightmare? Kami, if you are out there and listening, will you grant me this one wish? I wish that a person I meet in the nearby future will understand me, know me, and we can be together. Where we belong. If you cannot grant this wish, that is okay. No one needs to know this pain. This pain of not belonging to anything, anyone. I will continue my duties as a ninja fledgling but don't think I won't continue wishing for someone. Hope is all I have next to survival. Iruka sensei doesn't know, but I hate him. He only pities me like all the others. He just wants to act like he cares so that everyone thinks he is nice and cool. But he's not. Because he doesn't care. All he cares about is himself. My name is Naruto. Naruto Uzumaki. I am currently studying to become the next Hokage. Like that will ever happen. They will destroy me first. But I have to hope. I just can't believe that only one that believes in me is the ninetailed fox demon that resides in me. I wonder if he has brothers or a loved one out there…I shouldn't daydream…I should be paying attention. It's better to act the class clown, the class idiot, than show everyone how better I am…I think they would kill me before I even start my journey. Right now I am a genin, maybe someday I will be jounin or Hokage, like any of that happening is plausible. They would sooner kill me than have me be revered. I want to prove them wrong. I want to be able to prove that I can be what they need. But that want…do I have what it takes to do it? For what they want is for me to die. I harbor something that they sealed inside of me. How is that my fault? Everyone runs from me, they hide, they won't look at me, they won't be my friend. I wonder if maybe they have a good reasonable doubt to do that. Was it something I did? All I want is for them to notice me. But if they do, will they attack in anger? What must I do, to prove that I am able, willing, to be the greatest ninja that they need not fear? A dead one. I hear a couple of girls talking, they prefer the silent Sasuke. Sasuke Uchiha. He is also a genin. What does he hide that no one can ever find out? I watch, as I always do, from the sidelines in the shadows. I hear a few girls whisper that maybe they should protect him from me. I wince and look away. How can I continue to live if these people won't trust me? I would never harm them, I wouldn't, I won't…they say that Sasuke came from another village…I guess it doesn't matter. Who would say hello to me? Outsiders come through here all the time, somehow, even though people don't talk, they know to ignore me. I feel like a dirty rotten leach that can't be gotten rid of, so they put up with me. I stare down at my desk, `please, Kami, won't you grant me my wish for somebody?' I pray silently. I don't want anyone else knowing that I crave another being. I fear they would run me out and hunt me down. I believe they fear that I would ~attempt~ to turn someone, or brainwash them or something. How can I do something like that? I want the person to love me…for who I am, not because I force them to. Again I feel horrible. It's these people. They damper my mood continuously, and they do it without a qualm. I hope that they find someone that loves them and cares for them as much as their parents do. I wasn't even born here. I just happened to be an orphan…stranded here in Leaf Village (hidden valley of the leaves) and they used me. I guess I'm the whole town's dirty little secret. That they would use someone from an outside village to vanquish their demons…I feel worse. Sick. Maybe I need to wander off again. It's not like anyone would care. Why would they? Of course, they might think I'm killing somebody…or something, and go count their animals…why do they look so far down on me? What did I do that caused them to think like that? I guess it doesn't matter. No one really wants to know. I look up when the sensei enters. He doesn't look at me either. I look away. Kind of looking at the blackboard. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable. He begins talking about the school exams…I wince again. He also talks about the placements for which we go out into the field to train with another jounin, a sensei master. I wince again. Who wants to be stuck with me?

 

Sakura looked over at Sasuke, `I hope I'm paired with him.' She glanced at Naruto, `ugh, he fell into dreamland again. I hope he's stuck elsewhere.'

 

Sasuke glanced at Naruto, `he seems really down today. His chakra is flickering with some confusion, pain, and sadness. I wonder why…'

 

I hope that they flunk me. Then again, I don't. I'm torn between wanting to stay behind so that no one is placed with me and leaving this city behind and its occupants giving them room to breathe. I wince again and sigh inwardly, I shouldn't think so much. No one cares what I think anyway. The sensei begins calling people out of the room one by one for their exams. I am caught between a dilemma. Should I purposely fail or should I pass with flying colors? I can handle anything the throw at me…he calls my name and I walk out. I guess I'll show them what I can do.

 

Sakura frowned, `what's with him? He isn't his chipper annoying self today.'

 

Sasuke frowned, `what is he planning? Could it be he's worried about failing? That would be a first.'

 

They ask me a bunch of questions that I answer correctly. I can tell that they are shocked. When they ask me to duplicate myself, I do it twice over so that there are four. They are stunned and they sit quietly. I resume normal state. Iruka asks why I have not done this in my studies. I reply quietly because then people would be forced to realize that I am not the fool that they think I am. Let them believe in something desperately so they can lead their lives normally. They are quiet. I look away. They ask about my spell that keeps the demon locked away. It is secured tight, and hasn't broken. They are then questioning if I used a spell to cheat. Then they realize that that would require a higher-level process than what I have just shown them. I stand there in silence and let them talk it over. I think they are going to fail me, purposely, because they don't want me out there. I feel sick with grief and they dismiss me, showing me my failure. I turn and walk away. I cannot respect them. They have proven to me that I am a captive and must be kept under watch at all times. I silently wish everyone the best of luck. I don't return to the classroom, rather I go and sit outside in the tree, high above ground. I sit alone and watch the others as they rejoice in their passing.

 

Sakura frowned, `why hasn't Naruto come back? Did he fail?' -HA. Of course he failed, he is the biggest idiot ever.-

 

Sasuke frowned, `why is Naruto so down?'

 

I sit and barely look up as Sakura comes up to me. She stands on the branch below me. She asks me if I failed. I don't reply. She notes that I don't have the headband and kind of smirks. I know she's thinking I failed because of my idiocy. I am not an idiot, I just act like one to keep everyone feeling happy. I tell her to go to the others. That she shouldn't hang with someone like me. Her eyes kind of widen and she asks if I failed purposely. I don't have the heart to tell her otherwise. I just nod quietly, silently.

 

Sakura blinked, “but why?”

 

“Do you honestly believe that they would allow me to leave this village?” I ask quietly, “where they can't keep me in sight, targeted and locked down, at all times?” I turn away, I don't let her see the pain. I hear her leave, I can tell she doubts my answer. I look down and see her talking to sensei. She asks about me. He replies that it is none of her business, then he says quietly so no one else hears, he tells her the exact same thing I told her. She is shocked. I laugh bitterly to myself, `see what I get for hoping? Nothing.'

 

Sakura was frozen. `He…passed. But they won't allow him to leave…because of the demon he harbors….how can they be so cruel?!'

 

Sasuke stood in the shadows of the doorway, `he knew they would fail him…he just wanted to try anyway…what kind of pain is that?' he looked up at Naruto.

 

I see those two looking at me and I look away. I don't need their pity. It is my burden alone. I don't need anyone. I don't. But deep inside, a little voice is crying out in agony and howling and screaming for someone to help carry my burden. I am stuck here. In this village. My name is Naruto Uzumaki and I am forever caught in this trap.