Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Dirty Dialouges ❯ The Tale of Gamabitchy ( Chapter 2 )

Naruto's body hurtled towards the endless abyss below. `Oh man, how'd I get myself into this mess AGAIN?! Better get that grumpy old toad to save me again.' His hands, as though moving on their own, glided through the seals. Because his hands were already covered in fresh blood, he didn't need to bite his thumb again. He pointed his hand downwards as black characters spewed from them. “Summoning jutsu!” He announced as a puff of smoke appeared below. In the blink of an eye, the familiar warty back appeared as his savior. He bounced happily up and down. “Thanks again, Gamabunta. You always show up when I need ya.”

The enormous toad turned to face the source of the voice. “What?! I'm not Gamabunta, he's my twin brother. I'm Gamabitchy, and you're a stranger. So get off my back, ya little shit!” He even had the same voice as Gamabunta. Naruto was confused. “So you're not Gamabunta?” The toad frowned. “Damn straight.” Gamabitchy suddenly took in his surroundings. His watery eyes widened in shock mixed with anger. “Where the hell are we?! You expect me to be your slave and rescue you whenever you feel like it?” Naruto was utterly perplexed. “Well, I don't even know why you came in the first place. I didn't make a blood contract with you!” Gamabitchy narrowed his eyes. “Gamabunta's on vacation, lazy son-of-a-bitch. He's too far for that contract to reach him, so it got me instead. But if you don't want my help then I'll just rape you and leave.”

Naruto shook his hands quickly. “No, no, don't do that. I was just hoping you'd save me. And besides, you're better than Gamabunta, so please?” The poor fox-boy clearly wanted to prevent both possible negative outcomes. Gamabitchy grinned evilly. “As you wish.” He shot upwards, similar to Gamabunta's jump, with Naruto hanging on for dear life. Seconds later, the two of them stood upon hard ground once more. But before the blonde fox-boy could celebrate, he quickly realized why he'd been falling in the first place. Glancing around, the group of sound nin had remained. Unfortunately for Naruto, there were no visible allies in sight, either.

`Shit', Naruto cursed as he turned back to Gamabitchy. “You ready to fight, boss toad #2?” Gamabitchy frowned intensely. “Nope.” “Whaaaaaaaa? Why not?” Naruto pleaded. Closing his eyes, the toad sighed heavily. “First of all, you're not the boss of me. And second, you called me shit, you little shit!” Naruto still looked confused. “What!? When?!” “You called me #2, dumb ass.” He turned his back on Naruto as the enemy began to chuckle. Naruto gritted his teeth; completely forgetting that he was surround by enemy nin. “Fine then, go screw yourself! I'll summon something more reliable!”

He went through the same tedious process as before. He slapped the ground once more. This time, once the smoke had cleared, there sat Gamakeichi… jacking off. “Hey, it's you again. What is it? I was kinda busy at the moment,” said the tiny toad. He continued to jack off. Gamabitchy turned back at the sound of Gamakeichi's voice. “What?! Gamakeichi, what the hell are you doing?!” Gamakeichi, though it never phased him to stop, looked up at his enormous uncle. “Hey Uncle Bitchy, `sup?” The king-sized toad pounded his slimy `fist' into the ground. “I said, what are you doing, damn it! Who taught that to you?”

Unphased, the tiny toad replied, “Pops did it, so I thought I'd give it a try.” As Naruto watched in disbelief, the sound nin group began to laugh themselves to death. Gamabitchy suddenly looked confused. “Wait a minute, toads don't have penises.” Gamakeichi shrugged. “Maybe you don't niik-face.” “Why you little warty shit!” Gamabitchy began to chase the tiny toad away. “Hey wait, what are you doin'? Ahhhhh!” Strange noises continued as they faded from sight. Naruto sighed. `Well, that was pointless. I've gotta think of a different way to fight these guys.' But as he finally refocused on the enemies, each and every one of them lay dead in a pool of their own blood. Naruto's eyes nearly popped out of his head. “Wow, so people really can die laughing…”

 

To be continued…

(but it probably won't be)