Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Dirty Dialouges ❯ Akatsuki Phone Sex ( Chapter 3 )

Akatsuki Phone Sex

Chapter 3

 

(At the Akatsuki Hideout…)

Itachi lay bored on his bed. So, he whips out his cell phone and decides to call his favorite shark man. Kisame picks up, already knowing who it was.

 

Itachi: So Kisame, what are you up to?

Kisame: Hmm, nothing much.

Itachi: I was pretty lonely in our room by myself, so I decided to give you a call to pass the time.

Kisame: Uh, ok. So what do you want to talk about, you bad boy? ^ ^

Itachi: Oh, you know what I want to talk about. (Slaps his butt)

Kisame: Rrrrrrroah. (Sexy cheetah noise)

Itachi: So… what are you wearing?

Kisame: Oh baby! You know.

Itachi: Oh yeah. I'm getting out my Sasuke-imprinted thong now. (Slaps his butt again)

Kisame: Hopefully Sasuke doesn't know about, my humps, my humps, my humps!

 

Kisame stops singing as he receives another call.

 

Tobi: Kisame? This is Tobi. I just…

Kisame: (roars) I'm busy, ok!?

Tobi: Ok, ok!

 

Tobi hangs up as Kisame refocuses on Itachi.

 

Kisame: Itachi? Are you still there?

Itachi: I'm always here for you, honey bunches of oats. So, are you ready for the big night, tonight?

Kisame: Ohhhhh yeah! Bring it on!

Itachi: Why don't you stop by our room, then? I've already lit the candles that I won from Deal or No Deal.

Kisame: Oh sweet, now I don't hove to stop by Kroger. What about Champaign?

Itachi: I think there's some in the `fridge. It's Pink, my favorite. Don't bother heading to the store, honey. We've got everything we need here. No! Go away Zetsu! Stop looking at me like that.

Zetsu: Where'd you get that killa thong, Itachi?

Itachi: I'll tell you if you get me my Pink Champaign from the `fridge.

Zetsu: Deal! (Dashes quickly out of the room after stealing one last glance at Itachi's thong)

Kisame: Who was that, Itachi?

Itachi: Ugh, it was Zetsu. I think it is pollinating season again because he was looking at me up and down, always lookin' at my, oooh. (Stops singing) But don't worry; I've got him getting the Champaign for us.

Kisame: You know, if he knows about this, he may want to join us and we'll be having a threesome.

Itachi: Well, I kinda like threesomes, but not with Zetsu. Maybe with Deidara since he kinda looks like a chick…

Kisame: I'll think about it.

Itachi: You do that rusty nail. (Feminine voice)

Kisame: What?

Itachi: Never mind, just hurry up and get here. Zetsu's gonna be back soon. I'll just tell him I'm depressed and just want to be alone. That should get rid of him.

Kisame: But what happens if he hears us bouncing around?

Itachi: That's a chance I'm willing to take. Besides, it's our big night that we've been planning for forever. I had just forgotten until now.

Kisame: That's because we're guys.

Itachi: Oh wait, Zetsu's back. Thanks pal, you can go now.

Zetsu: But you didn't tell me…

Itachi: OUT!!!!!!!!!!

 

Zetsu runs out of the room, crying.

 

Itachi: I've got the Champaign.

Kisame: I'm pulling up now, sugar muffin.

Itachi: Oh goody! I feel as giddy as a school-girl. (Giggles)

Kisame: Hey Itachi, what's this black spot on the front lawn of the hideout? We can't win the good neighbor award with it. Oh my God! This black spot has little boy clothes and glasses beside it.

Itachi: (Sighs heavily) Damn that Pirate Clown that came to visit a few days ago. He killed a kid and promised to clean it up, but he didn't. Besides, since when do we have neighbors?

Kisame: Uh, oh yeah.

Itachi: Anyway, get your fruity little booty up here; you've got detention with me… all night long. (In Ruddy Tabotie's teacher's voice)

Kisame: I'm almost to the front door.

 

The door creaks open. Hidan notices Kisame.

 

Hidan: Oh boy, Kisame's home! Itachi, Itachi!

Kisame: Oh, I think he's busy doing work, Hidan.

Itachi: (Still on the phone) You know it! Besides, why isn't Hidan with his old married partner?

Kisame: Hey Hidan, go get your ass back with your sex partner!

Hidan: Not right now. I'm playing Goo Zombies Three.

Itachi: Ooh, I wanna play. Oh wait, I have to play with you Kisame, first.

Kisame: (Waves good bye to Hidan who is already heading back to his room) See you later.

Itachi: I'm waiting, you dirty bastard you.

Kisame: I'm almost there. You just so impatient.

 

Kisame finally reaches his and Itachi's room. It was lit only by scented candles, and a bottle of Pink Champaign sat in the corner. His lover was lying in a seductive pose on the bed. Kisame turns off his cell phone as Itachi does likewise. Then, Kisame rips off his robe.

 

Kisame: Isn't my thong beautiful?

Itachi: You sexy son-of-a-bitch, let's get dangerous. (Takes off niik)

 

From outside the room, kissing and raping sounds were clearly audible.

 

 

Me: Funny huh? My sister Nicole and I wrote this in the back of the car on the way to Beach Bend theme park. I wrote the Itachi parts.

Nicole: And I played the part of the beast known as Kisame.

Me: *giggles* She and I are a dangerous team. Pretty much, all of these chapters were written simultaneously between us. Also, if you're wondering, a `niik' is a Who Condom from the Grinch. It's a sick little inside joke that me, Nicole, and our brother Ryan made up.

 

The next chapters are all connected so keep reading if you dare. *laughs evilly* XD