Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Fetish? What's A Fetish? ❯ Fishnets Are For Prostitutes ( Chapter 12 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Serac 
Unless you're a fisherman, it's the truth.
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 04.20.2007 | Pages: 4 | Words: 4.4K | Visits: 1.3K | Status: Work In Progress
Unless you're a fisherman, it's the truth.
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 04.20.2007 | Pages: 4 | Words: 4.4K | Visits: 1.3K | Status: Work In Progress
-----Author’s note: Well, the lemon contest has ended and I have chosen a winner. The next girl to be featured in Fetish has been decided, and so I’ll now write about her. In her own (Sort of) story arc. I took a joke from the television show ‘Scrubs’ in this chapter, and will tell you which one it is at the end. If you can see it without my telling you, you have good choice in television.
I do not own Naruto, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy.....-----
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
“Ugh.....”
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
“Naruto.....”
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEE-SMASH!
“NARUTO!”
The blonde ninja who went by the name of Naruto sprung up from his bed, looking around as though he were expecting to be sexually assaulted by Tsunade, Shizune, and for some reason Kiba’s mom and sister. That was one weird ass dream he had been having.....
“God, why did you set the alarm?” Sasuke grouched, rubbing his eyes as he mumbled at Naruto. He had decided to stay the night over for protection against Sakura and Ino, and had slept on the floor beside his friend’s bed, “We could have slept in, today. No missions, or appointments, or anything.”
His vision slowly adjusting from sleep mode to awake, Naruto realized that there was a dent in his wall and a busted alarm clock on the ground a few feet below. He swung an accusatory finger in Sasuke’s direction, shouting, “Hey! Did you bust my clock?”
“No, the w-”
“Don’t say the wall broke it, or we’re gonna have a problem.”
Just before Sasuke completed his truthful sentence by stating that, indeed, the wall was the cause of the broken clock and not himself, he caught the glint of murderous intent in Naruto’s eyes. That being the case, he decided he should alter his words, “Oh, you caught me,” He held his hands up, grinning, “I helped the wall do it. I’d do it again, too.”
Trembling for a second as though he might explode, Naruto stood silent briefly before letting the anger go and moving over to the alarm clock. Dropping to his knees to pick up the ruined time teller, the blonde ninja sighed as he looked it over.
“What’s the problem?” Sasuke asked, folding his arms, “It’s just a stupid alarm clock. Just get another one, they’re dirt cheap, anyway.”
“You don’t understand,” Naruto replied sullenly, stroking the now useless device, “This clock isn’t like other clocks. .....This clock is special.”
“Special how?”
“There’s a story behind this clock. It’s kind of personal, I don’t know if you’d care to hear about it.....”
Before a sarcastic remark broke free from his mouth, Sasuke was somewhat revolted to find caring words escape! “If you don’t mind saying, I don’t mind hearing.”
A little bit of surprise in his eyes as he opened his mouth, Naruto spoke, “Yeah, ok. I’ll tell you.....”
-
The Story of the Alarm Clock
It was a monumental day for our blonde hero. Sakura had asked him to go shopping with her! Of course the phrase ‘had asked him to go’ could easily be replaced by ‘had been hunted, caught, and forced by his loud persistence to let him tag along’. So the most accurate statement we’re going to get here is Sakura had been hunted, caught, and forced by his loud persistence to let him tag along. He’d never admit that’s how it went down, though.
It was as the two strolled through the aisles of one unremarkable general goods store that something remarkable happened. In a true feat of pollen and destiny, Sakura was taken hold of by a rapid fire sneezing fit. They just so happened to be in an aisle full of clocks, and Sakura’s hand just so happened to not cover her mouth, which led to a nice spray of mouth juice all over the merchandise.
“Oh, crap! Let’s get out of here, Naruto!” Sakura yelped, making a not so casual dash for it. It would be embarrassing if a clerk found out she sneezed all over everything!
“I’ll be right there!” Naruto called after her, grabbing the clock that had been closest to the sneezing ground zero, “I need a new alarm clock!”
-
“I never did wash it,” Naruto recalled fondly, cradling the broken object.
Sasuke blinked a few times before turning around a walking for the door, muttering ‘weird’ as he went.
“Where are you going?”
“To wash my hands, I touched that thing.”
“.....That’s it?”
“Yeah, what, were you expecting something else?”
Naruto lobbed the clock onto his bed, following after Sasuke shortly after, “Well, sort of. I opened myself up for a verbal attack, and you just let it go. .....It’s kind of weird.”
“.....You want me to say something mean? Would that make you feel better? Oh, crap! You’re right! I’ve noticed it too, and I just asked if.....Now THAT’S weird. I guess.....since we share a common enemy, as of late, it’s helped bring us closer together, or something sentimental like that.”
Naruto nodded, “The sex has brought us closer together.”
“I think I’d feel better if you never said that EVER again, Naruto.”
“Me too.”
A short bathroom-going and hand washing later, the two found themselves in Naruto’s kitchen to fix up a ramen-centered breakfast. Their discussion, however, had yet to change paths.
“So.....” The blonde of the two mumbled, “Do you miss it?”
“What, the arguing? I don’t know, in a kind of nostalgic way, I guess,” Sasuke replied, working on breaking a couple of eggs on the edge of a pan because he wasn’t going to choke down Naruto’s ramen so early in the morning.
“Me too. Do you wanna.....see if we still got it?” Naruto pressed a question, bringing his water to a boil as he prepared his usual breakfast.
“You want to argue? Right here? Forget it, I don’t miss it THAT much.” The sound of the egg sliding onto the pan with a hiss was music to Sasuke’s empty stomach.
“Ok, I’ll meet you halfway. Can we at least just.....You know how we used to just be able to yell each other’s name and get our whole point across?”
“Uh, no?”
“Yeah, you do! Like, if I shouted your name you’d know if I was pissed at you, or if I wanted you to watch out, or if I was saying hi, or whatever else. Come on, at least humor me! For old time’s sake!”
“It hasn’t even been a week since we started learning about the sex, how can you already need humoring? Ugh.....” The big-eyed look Naruto was giving him told Sasuke that he wasn’t going to get off easy, this time, “Ok, so what? You just want me to yell your name really loud?”
“Yeah!” Naruto threw his fist into the air, “And I’ll yell your name like I’m really freaking pissed, and then everything will feel like it should. Ok, you ready?”
Sasuke nodded reluctantly, opening his mouth to yell.
-
Lee, Tenten, and Neji were strolling along at a leisurely pace, on their way towards the training grounds for a little tutoring by their recently rediscovered sensei, Gai! They were talking about something that quickly became unimportant as the path the group of three were on crossed in front of Naruto’s apartment complex. All three stopped walking at the same time when they heard Sasuke’s voice ring out from the building, calling out Naruto’s name long and loud.
Tenten opened her mouth to speak, but paused for a moment when Naruto’s voice erupted into the air, calling Sasuke’s name. It took a long few seconds for the voices to fade away, and even then it took a few more seconds before Tenten finally stifled her imagination long enough to say the one word that needed saying at this time:
“Kinky,” The kunoichi stated happily, nodding sagely with a big grin on her face.
“That sounded very youthful for so early in the morning!” Lee exclaimed, giving the apartment a thumbs up, “I think I’ll go and see what they’re doing that sounds so youthful!” The ninja decked out in spandex made for the stairs, “After all, if I’m lucky they’ll let my youth burn with their own!”
Tenten jumped Lee, grabbing him under the arms and pulling him back into the middle of the street, “Lee, leave them alone! Geez, are you trying to ruin it?”
“Ruin what? I just want to be as youthful as possible to make Gai-sensei proud! No offense, but Neji and I don’t make as youthful a combo as Naruto and Sasuke do.”
Neji folded his arms, not sure whether he should be insulted or glad, “Uh.....”
Tenten threw her arms around both boy’s shoulders, the threesome continuing towards the training grounds, “Don’t worry, Lee. You and Neji are just as youthful as those two in my dreams.”
‘God, I hope I misunderstood this entire sequence,’ Neji thought with a grimace.
‘Tenten dreams about my youth! Gai-sensei was right!’ Lee grinned, pumping a fist into the air, “Come on, Neji! Say my name!”
“No.”
“Say it, I’ll say yours! We can be just as youthful as those two!”
“No.”
Tenten was hopping up and down as she walked in-between her two teammates, “Come on! Do it, do it, do it! Scream his name, for me!”
“No.” The Hyuuga didn’t add the part about Tenten sounding really creepy, there.
“NEEEEEJIIIII!”
“LEE! Stop it!”
-
“There, don’t you feel better, now?” Naruto asked, sitting down at his couch with his fresh bowl of ramen.
“No, but I feel kind of stupid. .....And like we just made a girl’s day, for some reason,” Sasuke replied, dropping beside the blonde as the two started to eat, “Oh yeah. You never did tell me why you set the alarm.”
“Because we DO have an appointment, today. Only nobody knows it, yet.”
“Is it a good appointment?”
“Sort of. I’m going to Anko’s house to figure out why she didn’t do anything to fix you,” Naruto stated.
“I’m not broken! And why even bother? It’s not like she’s one to listen to what anyone says, anyway,” Sasuke pointed out.
“I know, but she treated me a lot different than she treated you, when I went to her house. .....A LOT different,” Naruto mumbled, eating his ramen quietly and slowly, which was cause for concern as far as Sasuke was concerned.
“.....Is it safe?”
“Nothing’s safe, anymore.”
The two finished their breakfast in silence, as the seriousness of the situation called for. They would be visiting Anko’s house, shortly. .....After they did the dishes slower than anyone has ever done dishes. .....Not that they were putting it off, or anything.
-
“This is it.....”
“.....I’m scared.”
“That just makes you normal. It’s ok, just go up there and knock.”
“You go up there and knock!”
Sasuke crossed his arms, looking away. The two were standing out in front of Anko’s house, the only thing separating them from it was ten feet of nothing, “It was your idea to come out here, remember?”
“And since when did you ever listen to anything I say?” Naruto whimpered.
“Good point. Why am I here, again? This is your little adventure, not mine,” The Uchiha turned to walk away and leave his friend alone, but the frightened blonde grabbed him around the waist and held him still.
“Wait! Don’t leave me to do this alone! She’s seriously scary! Ok, I’ll go knock, I’ll go do it!” And Naruto quickly found himself before the door with raised hand, poised to knock.
That was when it occurred to him. A grand question that needed some serious answering before he quite possibly sealed his fate by knocking on that blessed door of damnation. Why the hell did he care why Anko treated Sasuke different than she did himself? Was it because that all of the other girls treated Sasuke different than they did him, and he wanted to know why one finally acted.....for lack of a better term ‘interested’ in him, for a change? That made a little bit of sense, but.....
But why should that matter? If he were to use his developing powers of thought in this situation, it also made sense that other girls treated Sasuke differently than they treated him. Would it then follow, logically, that Sasuke might find himself inexplicably drawn to women who treat him differently, like he found himself wondering about Anko? It was a strange line of fascination. He wanted to talk to her, to see her, but at the same time, he was so scared he was wondering why he hadn’t the foresight to bring an extra pair of boxers, just in case. He decided to put this line of thought to the test, turning to call out to his friend.
“Hey, Sasuke,” The blonde called, “Do you want a girl to hit you?”
Sort of taken aback by that question, Sasuke only managed a confused frown.
“I volunteer!” A random kunoichi about their age offered from behind Sasuke, out in the street. She stopped her walking to raise her hand and smile sweetly at her Uchiha crush.
Sasuke waved her off, “Keep walking,” He commanded in a stern tone. Nothing like an eager-to-please fan girl to ruin an otherwise great day. .....Wait, today had sucked so far.
Ok, so maybe that line of thought was flawed. Naruto returned his attention to the door and how much knocking hadn’t happened to it, yet. Since Sasuke wasn’t drawn to girls who would do the opposite of fawn over him, which is to hit him, why did he have the urge to confront Anko? Ugh, he needed to knock on the door! Sasuke was no doubt starting to think about leaving!
Sasuke looked up, putting a hand on the back of his neck as he thought, ‘I wonder when Penney’s next sale is going to be. They had some really cute tops.....I mean, shirts, last time I was in there.’
Naruto glanced over his shoulder at Sasuke, mistaking the thoughtful face for an impatient one. ‘CRAP! Either he’s thinking about something unmasculine, or he’s about to leave!’ The blonde found himself on the verge of panicking, and so closed his eyes and swung his hand down to knock.
And that was when Naruto discovered that doors are really quite soft. And warm. Kind of bouncy, too. Not to mention fun to knock on.
“N-N-Naruto.....” Sasuke’s voice forced Naruto’s eyes open, which revealed to him that he wasn’t knocking on a door, which he was quick to point out.
“That’s not a door.....”
Anko continued to look down at his hand as he kept patting her on the chest, making no motion to stop him, and no effort to hide her grin. She had opened up her door from the inside, ready to step out and take care of some business, but had already run into a rather interesting distraction/her goal, “No, but if you keep knocking I’ll open up for you.”
Naruto stopped knocking on her, “I don’t get what you just said.....but it intrigues me.”
Sasuke’s jaw nearly hit the ground. He didn’t get what she said, either, but how could it possibly intrigue Naruto?
“Did you just use ‘intrigue’ in a sentence?” The jounin asked sweetly, putting her hands on her knees and bending over a tiny bit to put her face directly in front of his.
“Just by the simple virtue of exercising thought, I’m getting smarter,” Naruto stated proudly, unmoving and unblinking.
“Well then.....” Anko slid her arms over Naruto’s shoulders and down his back, pressing her forehead against the top of his head and leaning up against him, “What can I do for you, my smart man?”
‘Now he’s staring at her chest!’ Sasuke gaped at the two in their new position, ‘He was right! She really does treat him different than she treated me!’
After several seconds of Naruto gulping and unable to form words as he found himself with too much Anko in his face, the jounin purred softly, “Aw, are we done talking already? You know, it’s five dollars a minute to stare in public. .....It’s free in private.....”
“F-Free sounds g-good.....” Naruto slowly began to follow Anko back into the seclusion of her house, but was snapped out of his trance when Sasuke grabbed the back of his jacket and pulled him free from her grasp.
“Look here, fishnet, we’re not here to get seduced, so cut it out!” The Uchiha commanded, forcing himself to sound stronger than he felt, at that moment, “We’re here to ask you a simple question, and oh my God, what the hell are you trying to say with the whole fishnet thing? I’m sorry, but it makes you look like a total prostitute. There, I said it.”
Anko lifted an eyebrow, though she kept her arms around Naruto’s neck, “Did you just miss the whole ‘free in private’ thing? And are you sure you’re not gay?”
“Where did that come from?”
“I think it was the fishnet thing,” Naruto mumbled, still dazed from nearly being dragged into Anko’s house, “What are you, the fashion police?”
“I’m not gay!” Sasuke growled, pulling Naruto completely out of Anko’s grips.
“My sweet ass interior decoration would disagree,” The jounin stated, a little put out that Naruto was no longer in her embrace, “So what did you want to ask?”
“Why the hell did I want to go in your house with you a second ago?” Naruto blabbed the first thing that came to his mind.
“Actually, that’s not a bad question,” Sasuke admitted.
“‘Cause you wanted me to sex you all the way to heaven. Any other questions?” Anko replied, still gazing at Naruto like she might pounce at any moment.
“Why the hell do you want to sex Naruto?” Sasuke shot his mouth off before the word ‘questions’ had fully gotten through his ears.
“Because I’m in love with him, dumbass, what do you think?” Anko shrugged, “You need to go see the Hokage. She’s got a mission for you two and I was supposed to send you her way. And Naruto-kun, if you ever want to find out ALL about ‘the sex’, you’ve only to ask. I’ll be seeing you.....” She slowly closed her door as she spoke in a sing-song tone, and then all was quiet.
Twenty minutes later, Sasuke managed to formulate words, “Did she just make a confession, or is she playing head games?”
“If Anko heard that, she’d probably say something about showing me how head games are supposed to be played,” Naruto replied.
“Is that perverted?”
“I’ll bet it is, but I don’t know how. God, I think everything’s perverted, now. Can’t even knock on a door, anymore.....”
-
“Crystal?”
220;Naru-daddy!”
“Naru-daddy?”
“W ow, Naru-daddy. Never thought I’d hear that one.”
Naruto gawked at the girl before him, then looked to Tsunade, then to Sasuke, “What’s SHE doing here?”
“I came all the way here by myself to get you, Naru-daddy!” The blonde girl exclaimed, “Marcus is back!”
“Uh, who?”
Tsunade rose from her desk, giving Naruto a very serious look, “Marcus, the infamous trafficker of booty. The king of pimps. He’d dropped off of the map a couple of years back after he killed his nemesis and rival pimp, Kareem, after a ten hour long battle to the death. But then, only a couple of days ago, someone was seen carrying Kareem’s cane and accessing a restricted photo shoot for a lesbian pornography magazine.”
“It sounds really bad when you say it like that,” Naruto mumbled.
“And now, Marcus has come out of hiding to kill Kareem’s new heir.”
“Heir? When did an heir get named?”
“By accepting Kareem’s cane, you became his heir! Actually, it was more like the cane chose you, Naru-daddy!” The blonde stated pleasantly, acting as if everything were alright, and a cataclysmic pimp battle wasn’t coming.
“Please stop calling me that.”
Sasuke threw his arms into the air, “How on God’s green earth can people ask me if I’M gay or not, when all of this weird bullshit is going on? This entire thing sounds like a horrible joke fresh from some random jackass’s warped head!”
“Relax, Sasuke, you’ll need to keep it all together and just go a step at a time,” Tsunade sighed, having already learned all she needed from Crystal, “You are to go with her back to the village you recently visited.....Which we will discuss when you get back.....and join up with another who has also infiltrated the prostitution ring, and complete your three person team. She’s posing as a streetwalker, and she’s getting close to Marcus.”
“How long has she been in there, to already be close to such a hot shot guy like him?” Sasuke asked through an unbelieving groan.
“Almost two months, now. You’ll have to be careful, because Marcus is after you, Naruto. I-”
“Then why send me straight to him?” Naruto interrupted, wishing he had gone with Anko into her house.
“Because you’re already in the prostitution circle, so you can integrate yourself into the situation faster and better than anyone else I have available. Besides that, you have Kareem’s cane which gives you authority to a lot of people, apparently. So long as you only use it around the right people, you’ll be able to get around much more efficiently than everyone else,” Tsunade explained, “Besides, you fit perfectly into the plan as Kareem’s heir.”
“And what exactly is the plan, then?” Sasuke ventured to ask.
Crystal raised a hand, smiling broadly, “We’re going to use the sand ninja as bait to draw Marcus out of hiding! She’s getting the most customers and bringing in the most money, so he’ll be sure to approach her soon. She’ll be serving as your girl until he shows up to try and take her for himself, and then we’ll strike! After all, taking your enemy’s best tool for your own is a great way to cripple them and help yourself, all in one move! He’ll make the move not too long after you reappear back in town, Naru-daddy!”
“Did you say ‘sand ninja’?” The Uchiha prodigy asked, assuming his role was simple protection.
“She did,” Tsunade nodded, “You should remember her from her match against Shikamaru during the Chuunin exams. Temari is her name, and she’s waiting for you. Better get a move on.”
Naruto hung his head, mumbling, “Do I have to wear the purple clothes, again?” He’d ask what ‘prostitution’ was, later.
-----Author’s other note: Wow. Just, wow. We’ve crossed over into some seriously messed up territory. Temari is now posing as Naruto’s hooker, because Naruto is now a big shot pimp who has to kill another big shot pimp, who is evil. If any of you find that this makes sense at all, please stop with the crack, it’s bad for you.
The joke I used from Scrubs was when Anko said that it cost five bucks to stare in public, but it was free in private. Jordan said something exactly (Or very close, I forget her exact words) like that, so there we go. Playing honest, here.
Now I’m off to Florida for a week on vacation. Rock on, baby. Thanks for reading.....-----
I do not own Naruto, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy.....-----
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
“Ugh.....”
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
“Naruto.....”
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEE-SMASH!
“NARUTO!”
The blonde ninja who went by the name of Naruto sprung up from his bed, looking around as though he were expecting to be sexually assaulted by Tsunade, Shizune, and for some reason Kiba’s mom and sister. That was one weird ass dream he had been having.....
“God, why did you set the alarm?” Sasuke grouched, rubbing his eyes as he mumbled at Naruto. He had decided to stay the night over for protection against Sakura and Ino, and had slept on the floor beside his friend’s bed, “We could have slept in, today. No missions, or appointments, or anything.”
His vision slowly adjusting from sleep mode to awake, Naruto realized that there was a dent in his wall and a busted alarm clock on the ground a few feet below. He swung an accusatory finger in Sasuke’s direction, shouting, “Hey! Did you bust my clock?”
“No, the w-”
“Don’t say the wall broke it, or we’re gonna have a problem.”
Just before Sasuke completed his truthful sentence by stating that, indeed, the wall was the cause of the broken clock and not himself, he caught the glint of murderous intent in Naruto’s eyes. That being the case, he decided he should alter his words, “Oh, you caught me,” He held his hands up, grinning, “I helped the wall do it. I’d do it again, too.”
Trembling for a second as though he might explode, Naruto stood silent briefly before letting the anger go and moving over to the alarm clock. Dropping to his knees to pick up the ruined time teller, the blonde ninja sighed as he looked it over.
“What’s the problem?” Sasuke asked, folding his arms, “It’s just a stupid alarm clock. Just get another one, they’re dirt cheap, anyway.”
“You don’t understand,” Naruto replied sullenly, stroking the now useless device, “This clock isn’t like other clocks. .....This clock is special.”
“Special how?”
“There’s a story behind this clock. It’s kind of personal, I don’t know if you’d care to hear about it.....”
Before a sarcastic remark broke free from his mouth, Sasuke was somewhat revolted to find caring words escape! “If you don’t mind saying, I don’t mind hearing.”
A little bit of surprise in his eyes as he opened his mouth, Naruto spoke, “Yeah, ok. I’ll tell you.....”
-
The Story of the Alarm Clock
It was a monumental day for our blonde hero. Sakura had asked him to go shopping with her! Of course the phrase ‘had asked him to go’ could easily be replaced by ‘had been hunted, caught, and forced by his loud persistence to let him tag along’. So the most accurate statement we’re going to get here is Sakura had been hunted, caught, and forced by his loud persistence to let him tag along. He’d never admit that’s how it went down, though.
It was as the two strolled through the aisles of one unremarkable general goods store that something remarkable happened. In a true feat of pollen and destiny, Sakura was taken hold of by a rapid fire sneezing fit. They just so happened to be in an aisle full of clocks, and Sakura’s hand just so happened to not cover her mouth, which led to a nice spray of mouth juice all over the merchandise.
“Oh, crap! Let’s get out of here, Naruto!” Sakura yelped, making a not so casual dash for it. It would be embarrassing if a clerk found out she sneezed all over everything!
“I’ll be right there!” Naruto called after her, grabbing the clock that had been closest to the sneezing ground zero, “I need a new alarm clock!”
-
“I never did wash it,” Naruto recalled fondly, cradling the broken object.
Sasuke blinked a few times before turning around a walking for the door, muttering ‘weird’ as he went.
“Where are you going?”
“To wash my hands, I touched that thing.”
“.....That’s it?”
“Yeah, what, were you expecting something else?”
Naruto lobbed the clock onto his bed, following after Sasuke shortly after, “Well, sort of. I opened myself up for a verbal attack, and you just let it go. .....It’s kind of weird.”
“.....You want me to say something mean? Would that make you feel better? Oh, crap! You’re right! I’ve noticed it too, and I just asked if.....Now THAT’S weird. I guess.....since we share a common enemy, as of late, it’s helped bring us closer together, or something sentimental like that.”
Naruto nodded, “The sex has brought us closer together.”
“I think I’d feel better if you never said that EVER again, Naruto.”
“Me too.”
A short bathroom-going and hand washing later, the two found themselves in Naruto’s kitchen to fix up a ramen-centered breakfast. Their discussion, however, had yet to change paths.
“So.....” The blonde of the two mumbled, “Do you miss it?”
“What, the arguing? I don’t know, in a kind of nostalgic way, I guess,” Sasuke replied, working on breaking a couple of eggs on the edge of a pan because he wasn’t going to choke down Naruto’s ramen so early in the morning.
“Me too. Do you wanna.....see if we still got it?” Naruto pressed a question, bringing his water to a boil as he prepared his usual breakfast.
“You want to argue? Right here? Forget it, I don’t miss it THAT much.” The sound of the egg sliding onto the pan with a hiss was music to Sasuke’s empty stomach.
“Ok, I’ll meet you halfway. Can we at least just.....You know how we used to just be able to yell each other’s name and get our whole point across?”
“Uh, no?”
“Yeah, you do! Like, if I shouted your name you’d know if I was pissed at you, or if I wanted you to watch out, or if I was saying hi, or whatever else. Come on, at least humor me! For old time’s sake!”
“It hasn’t even been a week since we started learning about the sex, how can you already need humoring? Ugh.....” The big-eyed look Naruto was giving him told Sasuke that he wasn’t going to get off easy, this time, “Ok, so what? You just want me to yell your name really loud?”
“Yeah!” Naruto threw his fist into the air, “And I’ll yell your name like I’m really freaking pissed, and then everything will feel like it should. Ok, you ready?”
Sasuke nodded reluctantly, opening his mouth to yell.
-
Lee, Tenten, and Neji were strolling along at a leisurely pace, on their way towards the training grounds for a little tutoring by their recently rediscovered sensei, Gai! They were talking about something that quickly became unimportant as the path the group of three were on crossed in front of Naruto’s apartment complex. All three stopped walking at the same time when they heard Sasuke’s voice ring out from the building, calling out Naruto’s name long and loud.
Tenten opened her mouth to speak, but paused for a moment when Naruto’s voice erupted into the air, calling Sasuke’s name. It took a long few seconds for the voices to fade away, and even then it took a few more seconds before Tenten finally stifled her imagination long enough to say the one word that needed saying at this time:
“Kinky,” The kunoichi stated happily, nodding sagely with a big grin on her face.
“That sounded very youthful for so early in the morning!” Lee exclaimed, giving the apartment a thumbs up, “I think I’ll go and see what they’re doing that sounds so youthful!” The ninja decked out in spandex made for the stairs, “After all, if I’m lucky they’ll let my youth burn with their own!”
Tenten jumped Lee, grabbing him under the arms and pulling him back into the middle of the street, “Lee, leave them alone! Geez, are you trying to ruin it?”
“Ruin what? I just want to be as youthful as possible to make Gai-sensei proud! No offense, but Neji and I don’t make as youthful a combo as Naruto and Sasuke do.”
Neji folded his arms, not sure whether he should be insulted or glad, “Uh.....”
Tenten threw her arms around both boy’s shoulders, the threesome continuing towards the training grounds, “Don’t worry, Lee. You and Neji are just as youthful as those two in my dreams.”
‘God, I hope I misunderstood this entire sequence,’ Neji thought with a grimace.
‘Tenten dreams about my youth! Gai-sensei was right!’ Lee grinned, pumping a fist into the air, “Come on, Neji! Say my name!”
“No.”
“Say it, I’ll say yours! We can be just as youthful as those two!”
“No.”
Tenten was hopping up and down as she walked in-between her two teammates, “Come on! Do it, do it, do it! Scream his name, for me!”
“No.” The Hyuuga didn’t add the part about Tenten sounding really creepy, there.
“NEEEEEJIIIII!”
“LEE! Stop it!”
-
“There, don’t you feel better, now?” Naruto asked, sitting down at his couch with his fresh bowl of ramen.
“No, but I feel kind of stupid. .....And like we just made a girl’s day, for some reason,” Sasuke replied, dropping beside the blonde as the two started to eat, “Oh yeah. You never did tell me why you set the alarm.”
“Because we DO have an appointment, today. Only nobody knows it, yet.”
“Is it a good appointment?”
“Sort of. I’m going to Anko’s house to figure out why she didn’t do anything to fix you,” Naruto stated.
“I’m not broken! And why even bother? It’s not like she’s one to listen to what anyone says, anyway,” Sasuke pointed out.
“I know, but she treated me a lot different than she treated you, when I went to her house. .....A LOT different,” Naruto mumbled, eating his ramen quietly and slowly, which was cause for concern as far as Sasuke was concerned.
“.....Is it safe?”
“Nothing’s safe, anymore.”
The two finished their breakfast in silence, as the seriousness of the situation called for. They would be visiting Anko’s house, shortly. .....After they did the dishes slower than anyone has ever done dishes. .....Not that they were putting it off, or anything.
-
“This is it.....”
“.....I’m scared.”
“That just makes you normal. It’s ok, just go up there and knock.”
“You go up there and knock!”
Sasuke crossed his arms, looking away. The two were standing out in front of Anko’s house, the only thing separating them from it was ten feet of nothing, “It was your idea to come out here, remember?”
“And since when did you ever listen to anything I say?” Naruto whimpered.
“Good point. Why am I here, again? This is your little adventure, not mine,” The Uchiha turned to walk away and leave his friend alone, but the frightened blonde grabbed him around the waist and held him still.
“Wait! Don’t leave me to do this alone! She’s seriously scary! Ok, I’ll go knock, I’ll go do it!” And Naruto quickly found himself before the door with raised hand, poised to knock.
That was when it occurred to him. A grand question that needed some serious answering before he quite possibly sealed his fate by knocking on that blessed door of damnation. Why the hell did he care why Anko treated Sasuke different than she did himself? Was it because that all of the other girls treated Sasuke different than they did him, and he wanted to know why one finally acted.....for lack of a better term ‘interested’ in him, for a change? That made a little bit of sense, but.....
But why should that matter? If he were to use his developing powers of thought in this situation, it also made sense that other girls treated Sasuke differently than they treated him. Would it then follow, logically, that Sasuke might find himself inexplicably drawn to women who treat him differently, like he found himself wondering about Anko? It was a strange line of fascination. He wanted to talk to her, to see her, but at the same time, he was so scared he was wondering why he hadn’t the foresight to bring an extra pair of boxers, just in case. He decided to put this line of thought to the test, turning to call out to his friend.
“Hey, Sasuke,” The blonde called, “Do you want a girl to hit you?”
Sort of taken aback by that question, Sasuke only managed a confused frown.
“I volunteer!” A random kunoichi about their age offered from behind Sasuke, out in the street. She stopped her walking to raise her hand and smile sweetly at her Uchiha crush.
Sasuke waved her off, “Keep walking,” He commanded in a stern tone. Nothing like an eager-to-please fan girl to ruin an otherwise great day. .....Wait, today had sucked so far.
Ok, so maybe that line of thought was flawed. Naruto returned his attention to the door and how much knocking hadn’t happened to it, yet. Since Sasuke wasn’t drawn to girls who would do the opposite of fawn over him, which is to hit him, why did he have the urge to confront Anko? Ugh, he needed to knock on the door! Sasuke was no doubt starting to think about leaving!
Sasuke looked up, putting a hand on the back of his neck as he thought, ‘I wonder when Penney’s next sale is going to be. They had some really cute tops.....I mean, shirts, last time I was in there.’
Naruto glanced over his shoulder at Sasuke, mistaking the thoughtful face for an impatient one. ‘CRAP! Either he’s thinking about something unmasculine, or he’s about to leave!’ The blonde found himself on the verge of panicking, and so closed his eyes and swung his hand down to knock.
And that was when Naruto discovered that doors are really quite soft. And warm. Kind of bouncy, too. Not to mention fun to knock on.
“N-N-Naruto.....” Sasuke’s voice forced Naruto’s eyes open, which revealed to him that he wasn’t knocking on a door, which he was quick to point out.
“That’s not a door.....”
Anko continued to look down at his hand as he kept patting her on the chest, making no motion to stop him, and no effort to hide her grin. She had opened up her door from the inside, ready to step out and take care of some business, but had already run into a rather interesting distraction/her goal, “No, but if you keep knocking I’ll open up for you.”
Naruto stopped knocking on her, “I don’t get what you just said.....but it intrigues me.”
Sasuke’s jaw nearly hit the ground. He didn’t get what she said, either, but how could it possibly intrigue Naruto?
“Did you just use ‘intrigue’ in a sentence?” The jounin asked sweetly, putting her hands on her knees and bending over a tiny bit to put her face directly in front of his.
“Just by the simple virtue of exercising thought, I’m getting smarter,” Naruto stated proudly, unmoving and unblinking.
“Well then.....” Anko slid her arms over Naruto’s shoulders and down his back, pressing her forehead against the top of his head and leaning up against him, “What can I do for you, my smart man?”
‘Now he’s staring at her chest!’ Sasuke gaped at the two in their new position, ‘He was right! She really does treat him different than she treated me!’
After several seconds of Naruto gulping and unable to form words as he found himself with too much Anko in his face, the jounin purred softly, “Aw, are we done talking already? You know, it’s five dollars a minute to stare in public. .....It’s free in private.....”
“F-Free sounds g-good.....” Naruto slowly began to follow Anko back into the seclusion of her house, but was snapped out of his trance when Sasuke grabbed the back of his jacket and pulled him free from her grasp.
“Look here, fishnet, we’re not here to get seduced, so cut it out!” The Uchiha commanded, forcing himself to sound stronger than he felt, at that moment, “We’re here to ask you a simple question, and oh my God, what the hell are you trying to say with the whole fishnet thing? I’m sorry, but it makes you look like a total prostitute. There, I said it.”
Anko lifted an eyebrow, though she kept her arms around Naruto’s neck, “Did you just miss the whole ‘free in private’ thing? And are you sure you’re not gay?”
“Where did that come from?”
“I think it was the fishnet thing,” Naruto mumbled, still dazed from nearly being dragged into Anko’s house, “What are you, the fashion police?”
“I’m not gay!” Sasuke growled, pulling Naruto completely out of Anko’s grips.
“My sweet ass interior decoration would disagree,” The jounin stated, a little put out that Naruto was no longer in her embrace, “So what did you want to ask?”
“Why the hell did I want to go in your house with you a second ago?” Naruto blabbed the first thing that came to his mind.
“Actually, that’s not a bad question,” Sasuke admitted.
“‘Cause you wanted me to sex you all the way to heaven. Any other questions?” Anko replied, still gazing at Naruto like she might pounce at any moment.
“Why the hell do you want to sex Naruto?” Sasuke shot his mouth off before the word ‘questions’ had fully gotten through his ears.
“Because I’m in love with him, dumbass, what do you think?” Anko shrugged, “You need to go see the Hokage. She’s got a mission for you two and I was supposed to send you her way. And Naruto-kun, if you ever want to find out ALL about ‘the sex’, you’ve only to ask. I’ll be seeing you.....” She slowly closed her door as she spoke in a sing-song tone, and then all was quiet.
Twenty minutes later, Sasuke managed to formulate words, “Did she just make a confession, or is she playing head games?”
“If Anko heard that, she’d probably say something about showing me how head games are supposed to be played,” Naruto replied.
“Is that perverted?”
“I’ll bet it is, but I don’t know how. God, I think everything’s perverted, now. Can’t even knock on a door, anymore.....”
-
“Crystal?”
220;Naru-daddy!”
“Naru-daddy?”
“W ow, Naru-daddy. Never thought I’d hear that one.”
Naruto gawked at the girl before him, then looked to Tsunade, then to Sasuke, “What’s SHE doing here?”
“I came all the way here by myself to get you, Naru-daddy!” The blonde girl exclaimed, “Marcus is back!”
“Uh, who?”
Tsunade rose from her desk, giving Naruto a very serious look, “Marcus, the infamous trafficker of booty. The king of pimps. He’d dropped off of the map a couple of years back after he killed his nemesis and rival pimp, Kareem, after a ten hour long battle to the death. But then, only a couple of days ago, someone was seen carrying Kareem’s cane and accessing a restricted photo shoot for a lesbian pornography magazine.”
“It sounds really bad when you say it like that,” Naruto mumbled.
“And now, Marcus has come out of hiding to kill Kareem’s new heir.”
“Heir? When did an heir get named?”
“By accepting Kareem’s cane, you became his heir! Actually, it was more like the cane chose you, Naru-daddy!” The blonde stated pleasantly, acting as if everything were alright, and a cataclysmic pimp battle wasn’t coming.
“Please stop calling me that.”
Sasuke threw his arms into the air, “How on God’s green earth can people ask me if I’M gay or not, when all of this weird bullshit is going on? This entire thing sounds like a horrible joke fresh from some random jackass’s warped head!”
“Relax, Sasuke, you’ll need to keep it all together and just go a step at a time,” Tsunade sighed, having already learned all she needed from Crystal, “You are to go with her back to the village you recently visited.....Which we will discuss when you get back.....and join up with another who has also infiltrated the prostitution ring, and complete your three person team. She’s posing as a streetwalker, and she’s getting close to Marcus.”
“How long has she been in there, to already be close to such a hot shot guy like him?” Sasuke asked through an unbelieving groan.
“Almost two months, now. You’ll have to be careful, because Marcus is after you, Naruto. I-”
“Then why send me straight to him?” Naruto interrupted, wishing he had gone with Anko into her house.
“Because you’re already in the prostitution circle, so you can integrate yourself into the situation faster and better than anyone else I have available. Besides that, you have Kareem’s cane which gives you authority to a lot of people, apparently. So long as you only use it around the right people, you’ll be able to get around much more efficiently than everyone else,” Tsunade explained, “Besides, you fit perfectly into the plan as Kareem’s heir.”
“And what exactly is the plan, then?” Sasuke ventured to ask.
Crystal raised a hand, smiling broadly, “We’re going to use the sand ninja as bait to draw Marcus out of hiding! She’s getting the most customers and bringing in the most money, so he’ll be sure to approach her soon. She’ll be serving as your girl until he shows up to try and take her for himself, and then we’ll strike! After all, taking your enemy’s best tool for your own is a great way to cripple them and help yourself, all in one move! He’ll make the move not too long after you reappear back in town, Naru-daddy!”
“Did you say ‘sand ninja’?” The Uchiha prodigy asked, assuming his role was simple protection.
“She did,” Tsunade nodded, “You should remember her from her match against Shikamaru during the Chuunin exams. Temari is her name, and she’s waiting for you. Better get a move on.”
Naruto hung his head, mumbling, “Do I have to wear the purple clothes, again?” He’d ask what ‘prostitution’ was, later.
-----Author’s other note: Wow. Just, wow. We’ve crossed over into some seriously messed up territory. Temari is now posing as Naruto’s hooker, because Naruto is now a big shot pimp who has to kill another big shot pimp, who is evil. If any of you find that this makes sense at all, please stop with the crack, it’s bad for you.
The joke I used from Scrubs was when Anko said that it cost five bucks to stare in public, but it was free in private. Jordan said something exactly (Or very close, I forget her exact words) like that, so there we go. Playing honest, here.
Now I’m off to Florida for a week on vacation. Rock on, baby. Thanks for reading.....-----