Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Konoha High ❯ Geek Queen and Plan B. ( Chapter 3 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Konoha High School, Hallway--before 1st period.
Hinata and Sakura are walking through the hallway as Hanabi and Kiba stand talking by Hanabi's locker.
Kiba: So, like, what do you like to do after school?
Hanabi: Oh, I'm very social person; I like to go see movies, or, like, a theme park, or out for a really fancy meal now and then, and maybe go to a concert if, like, I know someone who has good seats and is renting a limo and stuff.
Sakura: You hear that? He's trying to two-time Temari the Fashion Fiend. She'll kill him.
Hinata: Doesn't poem on the bathroom wall say:

Based on what I've seen of her since I got dragged down to Konoha, it's accurate.

Sakura: That's odd. That poem wasn't there yesterday. You ought to write lyrics for Spiral.
Hinata: If you want to use lyrics like that, you'll end up alienating a lot of your potential fans, babe.

In The Gym
A group of cheerleaders, including Star and Brook, are standing in formation in gym clothes. Sakura, similarly dressed and with a head-band, is standing before them.
Sakura: Give me an F!
cheerleaders: F!
Sakura: Give me a U!
cheerleaders: U!
Sakura: Give me an C!
cheerleaders: C!
Sakura: Give me--
Ms. Anko, a mean-spirited, grumpy, corrupt gym teacher, approaches.
Ms. Anko: Sakura, you trying to spell "suspension"?
Sakura: Honestly, Ms. Anko, the next letter was going to be H! We were going to spell "fuchsia". It is one of the new school colors.
Ms. Anko: Get back to playing basketball!
(to cheerleaders) Okay, girls! I want to see some splits!
Sakura leaves to meet up with Hinata again.

GYMNASIUM, BLEACHERS
Hinata and Sakura, though dressed for gym class, are sitting at the bottom of the bleachers. They sit side-by-side, their thighs pressed lightly together. By them is Shino, who is still in his street clothes, oblivious to this.
Shino: ... And that's the honest truth; I swear it.
Hinata: OH-MY-GOD! I'll never see pepperoni the same way EVER again.
Sakura(aside, to Hinata): Have him tell you about what's in Ms. Anko's desk drawers, babe.
Shino: Now, Hinata, I know why Sakura hangs out here, but what's a pretty chik like you sitting on the bleachers with me?
Hinata(deadpan): Your stunning personal hygiene.
Sakura: She's still recovering from her fashion trauma.
Shino: I can understand--Oh, bloody hell! Look at that!

Cheerleaders doing splits.
Star looks enthusiastic, when suddenly she tumbles forwards and ends up tasting the floor.

Back To Hinata, Sakura, and Shino on the bleachers.
Sakura: I love it when that happens.
Hinata: You wouldn't know anything about that cheerleader accident at the last pep rally, would you?
Sakura: Uh, what accident?
Hinata(drawing closer): The one everyone's been telling me about, when a pyramid of cheerleaders collapsed because someone greased the floor with petroleum jelly.
Sakura (acting surprised): I know nothing about that.
Hinata: Sure you don't and I beat Santa Claus up for stealing my vodka with the Easter bunny.
Sakura (smiling): Damn that Easter Bunny...
Shino: I KNEW IT!

Ms. Anko approaches.
Ms. Anko(to Shino): And what are you doing here?
Shino: Sorry, Ms. Anko, but a badger ate me gym clothes.
MS. Anko: Do you expect me to believe a lame story like that?
Hinata: You believed he was human. I thought he was one of Sakura's sculptures.
MS. Anko(to Shino): Shino, get out of my gym!
Shino departs.
Ms. Anko(to Hinata): As for you, Delilah--
Hinata: It's "Hinata". Damn! Can't anyone in this school get my name right?
Sakura: You hit her weak spot. Two idiots who are now famous used to refer to her as an unpleasant bodily function.
Hinata: And thanks to you, that will be on my mind for the rest of the day.
MS. Anko: And you are sitting out because...
Hinata: I am too stressed by recent major life changes to be motivated and/or participate in many activities with my peer group.
Ms. Anko(looks at her for a few seconds before continuing): You've been spending time with that weird Gai guy; haven't you?
Sakura: She's the one whose parents fell onto cows.
Hinata: And I am so depressed that I can barely get out of bed in the morning. Enthusiastically doing stuff which looks like cheerleader routines is beyond me at the moment.
MS. Anko: Uh-huh?! What's your excuse, Sakura?
Sakura: You read my doctor's note. I was born with hamstrings which are too short. Every time I try to participate, they cramp up.
Ms. Anko: Except when we're doing track, at which point you can run perfectly fine.
Sakura: I never claimed to understand the anatomy.
Hinata(to Sakura): When we dissect the fetal pigs in Shizune's class, remind me to point it out to you.
Star(out of view):AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

A COLLAPSED PILE OF CHEERLEADERS CAN BE SEEN.
Ms. Anko(running off): God damn it! The older they get the stupider they become!
Hinata suddenly realizes what happened.
Hinata(to Sakura): Vaseline?
Sakura(to Hinata): K-Y Jelly.

CAFETERIA--LUNCH PERIOD.
Students are lining up to get low-quality food. Star and Hinata are in line, picking up trays.
Star(disgusted): What is this stuff?
Hinata: Don't bother to ask. The people who serve it have signed confidentiality papers.
They begin selecting food.
Star: I was wondering: I'm having a party at my house Saturday night. Care to come?
Hinata: Why? I'm not a particularly social person.
Star: Well, you seem pretty depressed, your mom and dad having fallen onto a cow--
Hinata (more to herself than to star): Does Hanabi have to tell everyone about that?
Star: So I thought you could use some cheering up.
Hinata: If you want to cheer me up, tell me who brainwashed Hanabi.
Star: You mean she's in a cult?
Hinata: Well, you can say that...six years ago, she was preoccupied with chemistry.
Star: She was a geek?
Hinata: She was the queen of the geeks. Star Trek and everything.
Payback time! She thought

CUT TO: ANOTHER TABLE.
Naruto and Sasuke are sitting there, trying to eat lunch, and being badgered by Hanabi.
Naruto: I'm telling you, Hanabi: it's over between us. I've met someone better than you.
Hanabi: What? I'm the smartest girl around here, and you've got this weird brain fetish. (whispering) Besides, you can't just sleep with me and dump me.
Sasuke: Sakura brought home with her someone smart yesterday, someone less flashy and frivolous. You know someone that doesn't spend her time thinking what play-doh is made of.
Hanabi: Uh Girls like me don't talk to guys like you.
Sasuke (taunting her): That's not what you said 2 weeks ago.
Hanabi turns back to Naruto
Naruto: And why should I settle for a smart fashion-addict when there's hope for me to find someone with depth as well?
Hanabi: But I am deep!
Naruto: Dating a different guy every night and two on Saturdays is a pretty rotten way to treat people. I'm not willing to go through that again. I got enough of it from Temari, and I'm not going to take it from you.
Sasuke: Even if she isn't the One, she's got to be better for him than you.
Temari(out of view): Hanabi, we're about to start the meeting.
Hanabi: Coming.(to Naruto)Mark my words: you'll regret this Uzumaki!

Konoha High School, Mr. Gai's Self-Esteem Class.
Previous attendees are present.
Mr. Gai (with tears in his eyes): And so ended the tale, in which the protagonist was able to find his self-efficacy and overcome his obstacle, all by exercising the power of will.
Hinata(aside): And you'd never have thought The Little Engine That Could could be so interesting, hon.
Gaara(aside): The worst part is he's spoiled the ending for the upcoming movie.
Sakura(aside): Damn him!
Mr. Gai: Now as our time together winds down, let's take a moment and contemplate the deeper message behind the story. There are things we all want in life, and some of them are harder than others to achieve. But there is nothing in life which we cannot reach if we just will it to happen. I think I can; I think I can. See you tomorrow, kids.
All the students except for Gaara, Hinata, and Sakura file out.
Sakura: What the fuck did he say?
Hinata: Sounds like some of that trash Hanabi gave me to read.
Gaara: Nope sounds more like when my brother is stoned..
Sakura: That bad, huh?
Gaara: The worst part is I stopped up the toilet trying to flush him down.
Hinata: Wow just when humanity couldn't get any smarter. Ready to do this?
Sakura: Right behind you.
Gaara: I can't.
Hinata: Sure you can.
Sakura: Just put a smile on your face and recite the lines.
Gaara: I can't smile. I've never been able to.
Sakura: Hey, if Little Ms. Monotone over here can do it, so can you. And she has no emotions.
Hinata(deadpan): I am not monotone!
Gaara: I do have emotions. Unfortunately, the only ones I have are lust, hate, anger, and rage.
Sakura(taking Gaara's wrist): Come on...
Hinata(following; deadpan): I am NOT monotone!
Gaara: And what do we do if he doesn't agree?
Sakura and Hinata: Plan B

Gaara, Hinata, and Sakura approach Gai, who is sitting at his desk doing paperwork. Sakura is wearing a normal smile, Hinata has a Mona Lisa smile, and Gaara has an obviously fake smile and looks like he's in pain holding it.
Hinata clears her throat.
Gai(noticing them): Oh, my dear little youthful friends, what can I do for you in this oh so glorious day?
Gaara (whispers to Hinata and Sakura): I'm scared!!!
Hinata(completely deadpan): Actually, when we woke up this morning, we had this realization of all that was wrong with our lives.
Sakura(melodramatically): We saw the light, and it has filled us completely, evaporating all that has weighted down our souls.
Gaara(struggling to sound happy): And now that we've been enlightened, we feel it is time to spread our wings and fly as free as the wind.
Mr. Gai: Well, I'm glad you're full of self-fulfillment! But we still have several more weeks of class left.
Hinata: You have shown us the way this first week. I've never seen teaching like yours before.
Mr. Gai: Thank you very much.
Hinata: So can we take the exit exam?
Mr. Gai: I'm afraid not. There's so much more for you three to learn that I really don't think you'd pass.
Hinata: Oh.
Gaara sniffs.
Sakura(sighs; to Hinata): I told you we weren't good enough.
Hinata: It's all my fault. What was I thinking?
Gaara: I feel lower than dirt for thinking that my self-esteem could have risen so high in so short a time.
all three drop on the floor in the fetal position sucking their thumbs they hadn't wanted to go to plan b but the situation that had arisen called for it.
Mr. Gai: No, don't feel bad! I'll let you take the exit exam early if it'll really boost your self-esteem!
everyone gets up fast
Hinata: Well, OK.
Sakura(shrugs): Yeah.
Gaara(putting fake smile back on): Goodie.
Mr. Gai(looks at a copy of the exit exam): Question one: Self-esteem is important because...
Hinata: It's a quality that enables us to do anything we set our minds to do.
Mr. Gai: Very good. Now, the next time I feel bad about myself...
Sakura: Stand before the mirror, look myself in the eye, and say, "You are number one. No one else is as good as you."
Mr. Gai: You definitely have been paying attention. Next question: there's no such thing...
Gaara: As the right weight.
Hinata: Or the right height.
Sakura: There's only what's right for me.
Gaara: Because I'm perfect just the way I am.
Mr. Gai: I don't think that there's any need to go further. I am pleasantly surprised with the three of you. Never before has anyone completed this course so fast. I'm soo happy! I have to go tell Kakashi
Gaara as Nr, Gau runs away crying with happiness: I think I need therapy.