Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Naruto and the Holy Jutsu ❯ Chapter Two ( Chapter 2 )

Chapter Two

(Bad rhymes lie within)

 

 

Naruto, who continued to ride boldly forward, his trusty servant Sakura still trailing closely behind and banging two coconuts together to produce a sound similar to that of beating hooves, rode into a large clearing with a small path/bridgey thing. As he drew closer to the path/bridgey thing, he saw a man with a bowl cut and green spandex fighting some random guy.

 

After said random guy fell to the ground, the green guy with a bowl cut strode to the path/bridgey thing, crossed his arms over his chest and stared straight ahead.

 

“Pardon me, Sir!” Naruto cried out, riding forward towards the man, “May I ask of you your name?”

 

“My…name? It is Lee. Rock Lee.” Lee put his hands on Naruto's shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes. He got REAL up close to Naruto's face. ”This…is something you must never forget…”

 

Naruto backed away quickly.

 

“Look, I don't, uh….Anyway, I'll act like that didn't happen. I am Naruto, Hokage of Konoha! And this is Sakura, my trusty servant…”

 

Naruto was cut off as Lee shoved him aside to grasp Sakura's hands.

 

“Oh, my darling Sakura! You are….so beautiful…”

 

Sakura was all like, `WTF?'

 

“Anyway….As I said, I am Naruto and this is Sakura. Would you like to join my ninjas of the square bed?”

 

Lee took his gaze off of Sakura and looked at Naruto.

 

“No.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You don't want to join my ANBU squad?”

 

“No.”

 

“Come on.”

 

“No.”

 

“All right, then I guess that I will leave you. Now, if you will let me pass…”

 

As Naruto tried to get past the path/bridgey thing, Lee blocked his path.

 

“Umm…could you, like, move?”

 

“I move…for no man.”

 

“So be it!”

 

The two of them got into a wonderfully entertaining fight. Naruto made a clone of himself and began the Rasengan. He made a move for Lee, who swung and destroyed the shadow clone. Naruto attacked and…

 

…Lee's arm came right off. And oh, how he took it like a man.

 

“Now, stand aside. Although you were defeated by my trusty Rasengan, I deem you a worthy adversary.”

 

“It's just a scratch.”

 

“Yeah, so…wait. What? It's not a scratch. Your arm's off.”

 

Lee glanced down at his missing arm. “No it isn't.”

 

“Oh yeah? What's that then?” Naruto also looked at Lee's arm, which was on the ground.

 

“I've had worse.”

 

“You're lying!”

 

“Come on, you pansy! Are we to sit here and chat all day while the lovely Sakura is waiting?”

 

The two men began to fight again, only to end after a brief while when Naruto sliced off Lee's other arm off with his katana.

 

“VICTORY IS MINE!!” Naruto threw up his arms and fell to his knees….

 

….and was then kicked thoroughly.

 

“Come on, then!

 

Naruto was shocked. “What?”

 

“Have at you!

 

Lee began to kick Naruto repeatedly. Naruto rose to his challenge.

 

“You are indeed brave, Sir Lee, but this battle is mine.”

 

“Oh, so you've had enough, eh?”

 

“Look, you've got no arms left!”

 

“Sure I do. YOUTH!”

 

“What? Look!” Naruto pointed to Lee's bloody stubs, then to the arms on the ground.

 

“It's just a flesh wound.” Lee continued his assault.

 

“Look, stop that. Seriously.”

 

“Chicken! CHICKEN!!”

 

“I'll have your leg!” Naruto pulled his katana out once more.

 

“Yeah, right….” At that moment, Naruto sliced through Lee's leg, leaving it on the ground with his arms, “Yeah, I'll do you for that!”

 

“Are you coming on to me again? Make up your mind.”

 

Lee hopped over to Naruto.

 

“Oh, what are you going to do, bleed on me?”

 

“I'm INVINCIBLE!” Lee proclaimed loudly, head-butting and hopping at Naruto.

 

“You're insane.”

 

Lee continued to head-butt Naruto. “Rock Lee always triumphs! Come on! Have at you!” Lee was muttering incoherent threats while trying to get to Naruto, who was walking slowly backwards. After a while, Naruto made a final swing with his katana and cut off Lee's last leg.

 

“Alright, we'll call it a draw,” Lee said nonchalantly.

 

Naruto smirked at him and began to walk away over the path/bridgey thing. ”Come, Sakura.” And Sakura happily obliged, giving one last glance at the fallen Lee. Oh well. So it goes…

 

“Oh, running away, eh? Get back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!” Lee was writhing on the ground, trying to move and give chase to Naruto and his newly beloved Sakura.

 

“Ah, wait, wait! SAKURA!!”

 

Sakura looked back with an irritated look on her face, still banging the coconut halves together.

 

“So, I'll see you later tonight, right?” Lee raised a massive eyebrow.

 

Sakura just ran off, following after Naruto.

 

“I'll take that as a yes.”

 

(H)(o)(l)(y)

 

“Akatsuki! Akatsuki!”

 

“I'm not an Akatsuki, I'm not an Akatsuki!” Neji cried as he was dragged to the front of the crowd to stand in front of Sasuke.

 

“He's an Akatsuki! He's an Akatsuki!”

 

Sasuke looked down at Neji. “Why do you think he's an Akatsuki?”

 

“He's dressed like one!”

 

“And he smells like Itachi!”

 

“What does Itachi smell like?”

 

“Cupcakes,” Sasuke muttered. Everyone looked up. “What?” he asked.

 

“They dressed me up like this,” Neji muttered, glaring fiercely at the crowd. “And I do not smell like Itachi.”

 

“Now, now,” Sasuke said to the crowd, “There are ways of telling whether someone is an Akatsuki. What do we do with Akatsuki?”

 

“Throw them in the river!”

 

“Stab them through their kneecaps with kunai!”

 

“Tie them to beds!”

 

Everyone turned to look for the person who'd said that, but Kabuto had already run away.

 

Sasuke coughed. “We roast them on spits, you idiots! And then we feed them to the local beasts!”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Ahem. So, what do we grill apart from Akatsuki?”

 

“Pork!”

 

“Ducks!”

 

“Shish kebabs!”

 

“So logically, if Neji tastes like shish kebabs, then…”

 

The crowd stared, dumbfounded, at Sasuke. “Uh… err… hunawha?”

 

“Then he's an Akatsuki!” Naruto called as he approached Sasuke's podium.

 

Sasuke fixed his gaze on the blonde. “Correct,” he said through half-lidded eyes.

 

“Then just lick me and get it over with!” Neji growled.

 

“No, I'm afraid we must marinate and grill you first,” Sasuke said, patting Neji on the head. “Otherwise, how will we know if you taste like shish kebabs?”

 

“Nooooooooooo!” Neji cried as he was dragged toward the roasting pit by the villagers in a travesty of crowd surfing.

 

Sasuke turned to Naruto. “Who are you who are so knowledgeable in the ways of screwed up logic?”

 

“I am Naruto, the Hokage of Konoha Village!” the blonde bellowed, pointing to himself.

 

“Oh! Your highness!”

 

“Ne?”

 

“Are the rumors true? Was your Dad a little too much of an animal lover?”

 

Naruto stared at him, confused. “No… would you like to join my ninjas of the square bed?”

 

“You mean… the ANBU?”

 

“I say tomato, you say potato…”

 

“Certainly; it's quite boring here. Besides, I don't want to have to be the one to decide Neji's innocence or guilt,” Sasuke muttered, grimacing.

 

Naruto grinned. “Yay! I have ANBU now! Isn't that great, Sakura? Sakuraaaaaaa!”

 

The Hokage waved his hands in front of the girl's face, but she was staring at Sasuke and drooling, so it didn't have much of an effect on her.

 

“Fine. Well, off to find more ANBU!” Naruto cried, taking the coconuts from Sakura and banging them together.

 

(h)(o)(l)(y)

 

“Konoha!” Naruto said to his ninjas, standing a few hundred yards away from the village entrance.

 

“Konoha!” said Kakashi the Chaste.

 

“It's just a few shops and an outhouse,” Sakura muttered.

 

“Shh!” Naruto hissed. “Welcome, my ANBU, to Konoha!”

 

 

At the ANBU headquarters, the ninjas were taking advantage of Naruto's absence by partying it up and dancing the night away. They had also begun performing a hit Broadway musical written by Andrew Lloyd Nebber in order to save up money for Gravitation DVDs.

 

“Oh, we're ninjas of the square bed,

None of us are quite right in the head!

We use big knives

To save hot boys' lives.

We dine well here in Konoha

Where eating squid is against the law.

 

We're ninjas of the square bed!

When we visit, you'll find yourself quite dead!

We deal in injuries to the kneecaps

In the ninja's lounge we play craps

We're yaoi mad in Konoha

We watch when Sasuke kisses Naruto's jaw!

 

“…I haven't been doing that!” Sasuke shrieked, stomping away. His cheeks were flushed.

 

Naruto sighed, motioning for his new ANBU to follow Sasuke. “Konoha is a silly place anyway… with really good ramen.” He pouted before running to catch up to Sasuke.

 

 

Hello there! We hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please, PLEASE review! Sasuke will get an inferiority complex if nobody reviews! And the poor kid is already screwed up enough as it is, ne? Poor SasUKE. So review for Sasuke's sake!

 

(And sorry, `Gure! I forgot to get the last part of the song from the disk before I gave it back, and… I want to upload now! Sowwwwwwwy… I'll shut my ears in the oven door if you like! …not really. Ahem. But I am sorry. We can change it later if you want.)

 

Stay tuned for the next chapter!