Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Naruto & the Idiot Brigade ❯ Woo Hoo, Gaara! ( Chapter 9 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Sasuke eyed the stuffed dog suspiciously. "This can only explain one thing..." Sasuke muttered to himself. "NA-RU-TO!"

"Yes Sasuke?" Naruto popped out of nowhere. "You know, I was in the middle of scratching my-"

"explain this!" Sasuke pointed at the stuffed dog. "why is this here? hm? WHY?"

"because you TOLD me to put it there!" Naruto rolled his eyes.

"..." Sasuke was speechless.

Naruto crossed his arms "Now if you excuse me, I have to go scratch my-"

"Naruto!" Roxn stared at the huge stuffed dog. "What's this?"

"What's what?" Naruto turned around.

"This." Roxn was about to touch the dog.

"NO!" Naruto shook his head. "Don't touch it!"

"..." Roxn ignored him and touched the dog.

"NO! NO! NO!!!!!" Naruto fell to the ground dramatically.

"huh?" Roxn moved the dog a little.

"NOOOOOOOO!!!" Naruto ran to the dog.

"What?" Roxn cocked a brow.

"It's sleeping..." Naruto whispered and gently stroked the stuffed dog's fur. "Good night, Darby!" Naruto whispered and kissed the dog on the head.

"Can I?" Dolly asked.

"Yes..." Naruto nodded.

"Cool!" Dolly poked the dog.

"Don't poke it!" Naruto snatched the dog away and stroked it.

"But you said I could!" Dolly protested.

"I thought you meant that you wanted to pet it!" Naruto frowned.

"Eh, can you help me with my homework?" Dolly turned to Neji.

"Don't ignore me!" Naruto gasped.

"Why would I ask YOU for help on my homework?" Dolly snorted.

"I happen to be smart!" Naruto huffed. "I just don't show my smartiness!"

"it's called Intelligence!" Dolly rolled her eyes.

"You guys wanna know what I think?" Haku interrupted.

"You can think?" Neji smirked and turned to Haku.

"Very funny!" Haku rolled his eyes. "But it's not that..." Haku stared at Gaara.

"I knew it!" Roxn pointed at Haku accusingly. "You were having a semage about Gaara!"

"What the hell is a semage?" Sasuke cocked a brow.

"You people are soooooo slow!" Roxn rolled her eyes. "sex image, se stands for SEx, and mage is for iMAGE! SEMAGE!"

"..." Everyone's gaze slowly shifted to Haku.

"EWWWWWWW, HAKU!!!" Naruto was the first to speak. "You were having a semage about GAARA!"

"NO-"

"But why, Gaara?" Tenten interrupted Haku.

Haku protested "I wasn't-"

"If you were having a semage about Neji or Sasuke, then I would understand, but GAARA?!" Sakura exclaimed.

"But-"

"Screw those freaks!" Dolly shouted. "Haku is meant to be with Zabuza! not with GAARA!"

"I don't even like anyone-"

Haku was cut off by Midori. "What did you ever see in Gaara?" Midori questioned the homosexual weirdo.

"I never saw SHIT in him!" Haku shouted. "I was going to say that he hasn't spoken in a long time!"

"..." everyone froze.

"I still think you should be with Zabuza..." Dolly pointed out.

"WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Haku gritted his teeth.

"dude!" Naruto patted his back. "it's okay to be gay!"

"but i'm not gay..." Haku crossed his arms.

"Just admit it!" Naruto pushed Haku. "You're gay and you know it!"

"I'm NOT gay!" Haku stammered.

"Say you're gay!" Naruto punched Haku.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Haku rubbed the spot where Naruto hit him.

"Say you're gay!" Naruto led haku to the open window. "Say it!"

"I'm gay!" Haku screamed.

"Say you're gay and you're proud!" Naruto said in a serious tone.

"i'm gay and i'm proud!" Haku screamed.

"Louder!" Naruto put his hands on his hips.

"I'm Gay And I'm Proud!"

"LOUDER!"

"I'M GAY AND I'M PROUD!"

"Again!"

"I'M GAY AND I'M PROUD!"

"ONCE MORE!"

"I'M GAY AND I'M PROUD, I'M GAY AND I'M PROUD!" Haku repeated.

"okay shut up, i'm hungry..." Naruto patted Haku's back and went into the kitchen.

"crap..." Haku muttered and joined the others.

"So what were you saying Haku?" Roxn looked up.

"I said that Gaara hasn't spoken in a long time..." Haku's throat was dry.

"you're right!" Neji turned to Gaara.

"Course I am!" Haku snorted. "right about what?"

"Gaara hasn't spoken in a while..." Sakura whispered to evryone (except for Gaara)

"I'm only right here..." Gaara mumbled. He was sitting next to Sakura. He obviously heard what they were all saying.

"do you wanna know a way to torture people, Gaara?" Midori smirked.

"hm?" Gaara looked the other way but he was still listening.

"When you say disturbing things to people, it bothers them..." Midori exclaimed.

"What kind of... disturbing things?" Gaara turned to Midori.

"The stupid kind..." Everyone smirked.

"forget it!" Gaara turned away.

"what?!" Roxn fell to her knees. "no!"

"I'm not saying stupid things to annoy people!" Gaara sneered.

"It'll be fun!" Dolly grinned.

"What?!" Gaara turned to Dolly.

"I said, it'll be fun!" Dolly repeated.

"fine i'll do it-but only for one day..." Gaara shrugged.

"YES!" Everyone jumped up.

---the next day---

"Hey everybody!" Deidara walked in the class. "How's everyone doing?"

"fine..." everyone muttered sleepily.

"I have a question!" Gaara raised his hand.

"yes, Gaara..." Deidara said slowly.

"Do you want to be sex free?" Gaara asked.

"What?" Deidara's eyes widened. "What did you say?!"

"Sex free is the way to be!" Gaara jumped up and down.

"Has he been practicing?" Sasuke whispered to Dolly.

"I have no clue..." Dolly shook her head still looking at the 'so called' red headed devil.

"Sex free is the way to be!" Gaara raised his hand. "Who's with me!"

"shut up!" Deidara plugged his ears with his fingers.

"SEX FREE IS THE WAY TO BE! SEX FREE IS THE WAY TO BE!" Gaara chanted.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" Deidara shook his head furiously.

"Have you heard the soothing effects of sex?" Deidara pushed Gaara away.

"What?!" Roxn cocked a brow.

"Sex is good for the soul!" a light appered brfore Deidara.

"What the hell is your problem?!" Roxn stared disgustedly ay Deidara.

"sex is my problem!" Deidara shouted. "S-E-X sex!"

"You don't need to spell it for me! I know how to spell!" Roxn rolled her eyes.

"s-e-x..." Naruto was in deep thought. "S-E... se, see no se se..." Naruto thought hard.

"..." Naruto's eyes widened. "EWWWWWW!!!"

"And it took you THAT long to figure out what S-E-X spells!" Midori smacked Naruto.

"It took him about three minutes..." Neji looked at his watch.

"SEX FREE IS THE WAY TO-"

"Shut up, Gaara!" Dolly rolled her eyes. "You're so annoying!"

"good..." Gaara smirked. "Be annoyed, be VERY annoyed..."

"Didn't I just tell you to shut up?!" Dolly glared daggers Gaara.

"All right All right!" Gaara scooted a few inches away.

"mmm..." Gaara twiddled with his fingers and looked around... and then he saw Tenten... "Hi Tenten..." Gaara smirked.

"hm?" Tenten spun around. "oh, Hi Gaara!"

"I have a question!" Gaara asked in a perky way.

"allright..." Tenten nodded. "What is it?"

"Can I poke your buns?" Gaara asked.

"What?!" Tenten couldn't believe her ears.

"I said: CAN I POKE YOUR BUNS???" Gaara said again but more slowly and loudly.

"WHY?!" Tenten's eyes widened.

"Just curious..." Gaara shrugged and he began for her buns.

"AHHHH!" Tenten jumped up and screamed. "SEXUAL HARASSMENT!!!" Tenten jumped and pointed at Gaara.

"what the hell is going on?" Neji flipped his hair aside and walked to gaara and Tenten.

"He's a sexual predator!!!" Tenten squealed and jumped behind Neji.

"Get away from me, gorilla girl!" Neji pushed her away.

"It's MEATBALL GIRL!!!" Tenten clenched her fists. "Honestly, do you think I actually look like a freakin' GORILLA!?"

"Yes..." Neji nodded. "I think you look like a beautiful gorilla..."

"what?" Tenten cocked a brow.

"Oh and You're also a hairy gorilla too..." Neji added.

"That's it!!!" Tenten lunged at the boy with freaky eyes.

"Help me!!!" Neji pleaded for help from gaara. "Don't just stand there and laugh, Gaara! Can't you see I'm being attacked by a Beautiful gorilla?!"

"Ehem!" Gaara coughed.

"Oh, And the beautiful gorilla is also hairy too..." Neji added.

"You're so DEAD!" Tenten swung him around.

"I think my work here is done..." Gaara smirked and walked away.

"What work?!" Deidara crossed his arms. "All you did was draw four boxes and put your name on it! You call that progress?"

"It is, if your Naruto!" Midori grinned.

"Whatever..." Deidara muttered and walked away.

"Let's all have a sexy party!" Naruto swung his arms wildly around.

"I agree!" Sasuke went beside Naruto and started shaking his ass.

"Yeah!" Everyone danced (including deidara).

"Make way for the master of dance moves!" Chouji shook his hips.

"aww man!" Haku snapped his fingers. "Okay people! Make way for the fat man!"

"I told you! I ain't fat! Just big-boned..." Chouji crossed his arms.

"Woo hoo!" Gaara shook his shoulders. "Go Neji!" Gaara bumped him.

"YEAH!" Chouji shook his ass.

"WOO HOO!" Gaara shook faster. "Shake that fat ass!"

"HEY!" Chouji stopped shaking his ass and turned to gaara.

"sorry Chouji..." Gaara apologized. "I was talking to everyone, not you... but..." Gaara paused.

"But what?" Chouji askled.

"but... why are you fat?" Gaara asked.

"I'm not fat, just big boned." Chouji protested.

"I know that, but why are you so... fat?" Gaara asked again.

"I'm NOT fat! just big boned!" Chouji repeated.

"I know, but why are you just so fat?"

"I am NOT fat!"

"Whatever you say, fat man..." Gaara muttered the last part to himself.

"Gaara's right..." Roxn nodded. "You need to lose some weight."

"I agree!" Sakura crossed her arms. "You need to excercise, and i mean A LOT of excercise!"

"I don't need to excercise!" Chouji swung the WHOLE chicken in his hand around. "I'm already on a diet!"
"Diet?" Tenten stared at the WHOLE chicken. "Yeah right..."

I don't need excercise!" Chouji grumbled and took a bite out of his chicken.

"Chouji!" A voice from behind called out. "Time for your daily walk!"

"uh..." Chouji sweatdropped. "I can explain!"

"CHOUJI!" the voice called again.

"I'M COMING!!!" Chouji yelled. "um..." Chouji began to sweat a river.

"Chouji! Do you wanna stay a fat man forever?!" the voice yelled.

"I'm not fat!" Chouji tackled the person calling for him.

RIIING!!!

"Next class, people!" Deidara called out still dancing.

---Next class---

"Kay people!" Shizune grinned. "Today, we are going to have a little snack!"

"Yay!" Everyone cheered.

"Who wants to try the clam?" Gaara asked. "Here Midori!" Gaara offered her an clam. "Try it! It's really good!"
Midori stared disgustedly at the clam "I don't want to-"

"Try it!"Gaara shoved it at her face and then turned back at the clam tray.

"um okay..." Midori took the meat of the clam and threw it on the ground. "There... all done!"

"How did it taste like?" Gaara turned to her.

"I thought you said it was good?" Midori cocked a brow.

"oh no, I never had clam before!" Gaara shook his head and walked to the table.

"Weirdo!" Midori rolled her eyes and sat on her seat.

"This party sucks!" Dolly groaned.

"It's not a party, Dolly!" Roxn rolled her eyes. "Were in school!"

"well then that explains why..." Dolly shrugged.

"I have a huge headache!" Midori slammed her head on the table.

"Tell me about it!" Haku sat down next to her. "First, I wait in line for the buffet table for FIFTEEN minutes and then I slipped on a GIANT booger!"

"um..." Midori paused. "Are you sure it wasn't clam?"

"I don't know!" Haku shrugged. "It could be, but I'm not sure, I mean look at it! I wiped it on Neji's coat and I just got the hell out of there!"

"Oh Yeah!" Naruto started dancing in front of Midori and Haku.

"Woo hoo, Naruto!" Haku got up from his seat. "Lookin' good!"

"Wait a minute!" naruto stopped. "What is that smell?!" Naruto pinched his nose.

"It's the smell of discovery!" Gaara grinned.

"Well then, discovery stinks!" Neji huffed.

"Okay everyone!" Shizune smiled nervously. "Calm down!"

"WOO HOO!" Everyone shouted.

"SHUT UP!" Shizune punched the wall.

"Yes mam!" Everyone scurried to there seats.

"Will everyone please clean this class up?" Shizune smiled warmly. "And can somebody pick up that giant booger on Neji's coat?"

"What booger?" Neji looked at his coat. "Now I have to burn my favorite coat!" Neji groaned.

"Okay!" Shizune sighed. "Review from yesterday! What do you say if someone wants to kick your ass?"

"Say no to drugs!" Gaara grinned.

"That's for a different case..." Shizune stared awkwardly at Gaara.

RIIING!!!

"RECESS!!!" Everyone cheered.

"Can I tell you guys something?" Gaara walked to his friends.

"I'm gonna regret this but what?" Sasuke huffed.

"When I was little, I used to be afraid of the sharpener..." Gaara whispered. "Every time I broke a pencil tip I went to the sharpener slowly and then when I sharpened it I screamed..."

"And you're telling this to us, why?" Neji cocked a brow.

"I just wanted you to know..." Gaara shrugged and went under a table.

"Gaara?" Midori cocked a brow. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm NOT touching myself, if that makes anyone uncomfortable!" Gaara stood up.

"Oh look!" Sakura squealed. "There's a hot guy over there!"

The guy looked at Sakura and smiled.

"Ohmigosh!" Haku squealed."Sakura? Did you see that? He totally checked you out! I mean he was soooo cute!"

"what did you say?" Everyone turned their heads slowly to Haku.

"I mean..." Haku paused. "Oh god, my ass is sweating!"

"Well Haku, We didn't need to know that!" Neji rolled his eyes and looked into Dolly's bag.

"OH MY GOD!" Neji gasped as he took something out of Dolly's bag. "We are so alike! We both have copies of the Annie CD!"

"Those are both yours..." Dolly exclaimed.

"Then how come you have them?" Neji snorted.

"You told me to hold them this morning!" Dolly rolled her eyes.

"Tomorrow! tomorrow! I love ya! Tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow..." Neji sang in a squeaky voice and then noticed that everyone was staring at him.

"There'll be SUN!" Neji sang in his man voice.

"Weirdo!" Roxn snorted. "You actually bought the Annie CD?!"

"They were just giving those away at the store..." Neji sweatdropped.

"..." everyone gave Neji a 'yeah right' look.

"In exchange for money..." Neji added.

RIING!!!

"Great..." Naruto muttered as he walked into his class with his friends. "Third period!"

"Okay, Bitchies!" Asuma marked everyone off his list. "Everyone's here so just take out a your workbooks and do the problems.

"I have to go home!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Why?" Asuma questioned the blonde idiot.

"I have a headache!" Naruto pretended to be dizzy.

"Good!" Asuma teased. "That means you're actually using your brain!"

"I need water!" Roxn reached for her water bottle. "Hey!" Roxn paused." Somebody drank some of my water!"

"I did!" Haku raised his hand.

"oh, okay..." Roxn shrugged and was GOING to drink her water when-

"Don't drink it!" Midori yelled. "He might have aids..."

"No, YOU have aids!" Haku pointed at Midori accusingly.

"so, You have H.I.V.!" Midori snorted.

"oooooo!" Everyone cooed, listening in on thier conversation.

"You have B.P.R.S!" Haku huffed.

"So!" Midori snorted. "You have A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"OOOOOOOO!" Everyone cooed louder. "What you gonna do now, Haku???"

"Wasn't that like the BEST argument we ever had???" Haku grinned.

"It was AWESOME!" Midori gave Haku a thumbs up. "If I say so myself..."

"I have to go somewhere!" Haku walked outside.

"Where's Haku?" Roxn asked.

"Oh my gawd!" Dolly gasped and pulled out a microphone out of thin air.

"HEVE ANY OF YOU SEEN MY FRIEND???" Dolly's eyes went from one person to another. "HE'S A CROSSDRESSER-"

Naruto snatched the microphone away, "AND HE LOOKS LIKE THIS!" He stood in front of Dolly and pulled down his pants and his underwear. People who were watching, which was practically everyone, gasped.

"No one wanted to see that!" Dolly smacked Naruto on the head. Haku came back and gasped. "Stop it! You guys are embarrasing me!" Haku shouted. "And I am NOT a crossdresser by the way!" he had a look of embarrasment. "I take a dump for one minute and THIS happens!"

Tsunade sighed. "It's obvious the people in the Idiot Brigade are idiots!" she, Orochimaru, and Jiraiya were watching them very closely. "I have an intrest in the Uchiha, the Hyuuga, and the one who calls himself Gaara no Sabaku..." Orochimaru hissed.
"I like the crossdresser, the blonde idiot, and the pretty pink girl!" Jiraiya laughed. "Shut up you fool!" Tsunade smacked him. "Do you want them to know that we're spying on them?"

"HI!" Naruto grinned. "Lemme' guess..." Naruto rubbed his chin. "You: are the school's slut" Naruto pointed at Tsunade. "You: are the school's pervert" Naruto turned to Jiraiya. "And you: are the school's Michael Jackson right?"

"..." Orochimaru, Tsunade, and Jiraiya glared at Naruto.

"Naruto Uzumaki..." Tsunade cracked her knuckles. "You got your principal fired..."

"Oh yeah..." Naruto smiled and nodded his head. "That was fun!"

"You got your principal fired..." Tsunade repeated. "Meet... your new principal..." Orochimaru and Jiraiya said in unity.

"Principal Tsunade..."

A/N: I'm sorry I took such a long time! I just couldn't get myself to type my story! Everytime I try to I get all depressed... I don't know why though... I want to give credit to Precious, Shayna, and me for the H.I.V argument thingy... I want to give thanks to my fear of the sharpener when I was little (Beilieve it or not, I used to be afraid of sharpeners!). And I want to give thanks to Elaine for giving me some of her funny ideas... Next chapter is going to be about 'Akatsuki Acadamy' At least I hope I can plan it out... Hope you enjoyed it! Reviews! Don't forget Reviews! I love reviews! (P.S. give me some ideas, please! I'll give you credit!)