Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Naruto: The Musical ❯ Part 3 (Out of 5) ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Author1-and-Author2
... This is getting annoying.

Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Comedy / Hentai / Romance / Suspense / Shounen | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 12.03.2006 | Pages: 30 | Words: 23.7K | Visits: 304 | Status: Completed

*Poke. *
“… Meh…”
*Poke, poke. *
He brushed at the annoying thing subconsciously.
“Kabuto, wake up…” Orochimaru poked his servant's side once more.
“… Yes, my lord…” the younger man muttered absently in his sleep.
“Kabuto!”
“Zzzzz…”
Orochimaru stared at him for a moment, then hissed in his ear, “Kabuto! Help! Sasuke's molesting me!”
“WHAT?! WHERE?!” Kabuto shot up… and smacked into the sannin.
“Oof!” they cried.
There was an awkward moment as they each mouthed the other's `oof.'
“… Well, at least it worked… I suppose.”
Kabuto had gone quite pale, “Ahh… forgive me, my lord…”
“Are you awake, now?”
“Yes, my lord… W-was there something you wanted?”
“Hmm… yes…” Orochimaru smirked evilly.
“Uh… my lord? …!!!” Kabuto squeaked as his master kissed him fiercely. He was about to return the kiss when…
“Noooooo!” came a several tiny, high-pitched voices, “Maaaasssssssssssttteeeerrrr!!!! We love yoooouuuuuu!!!!!!!”
Kabuto's eyes, already wider than normal, doubled in size, “W-what was-”
“Oh, shit…” Orochimaru looked very depressed.
“Maaaaaasssssssssssttteeeeerrrr!!! Don't do it! He iss not wwwoooorrrrrtttttthhhhyyyyyyy!!!!!!!”
“Go away!” Orochimaru glared at the four snakes poking their heads out of his sleeve. “I didn't summon you!”
“Noooooooo!!!” they wailed, “Maaaaaassssssssssssssssssssssttttteeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrr!!!!! You are oursssss aloooonnnnneeee!!!”
“Uh… my lord? What's going on?”
Orochimaru sighed, “They do this every time…” Kabuto reached out to pat his master's shoulder, but drew his hand back hastily as the serpents reared up and spat at him.
“Sssssssssstay away from Maaaaaassssssssssssssssssssssssstttttteeeeeeeerrrrrr, unworthy one!” they hissed, infuriated.
Kabuto turned his head up to look back at Orochimaru, “Every time?”
“… Yes…”
“But then how do you…?”
“I don't!” the sannin snapped bitterly.
“O-oh…” Kabuto frowned in thought. “… ah, I think I have a solution, my lord!” Orochimaru gazed dully at him, unconvinced.
Kabuto performed a series of seals…
“Nirvana Temple Jutsu!”
“Noooooooooo!!! Mussssssst keep Maaaaaaassssssssssssssssssssssssttttttteeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrr pure!!! Aaaaauuuuggghhh…” the snakes went limp, then vanished in a puff of smoke, sound asleep.
“There!”
Orochimaru stared at Kabuto for a moment, then threw himself upon the younger shinobi. Kabuto squeaked again.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
He stirred.
Someone was stroking his hair.
He felt tired. Dizzy. Ill.
“… Lee?” Lee looked down to see Gaara blinking up at him. The leaf ninja smiled faintly and resumed running his fingers through the red locks.
Gaara frowned, “… You didn't sleep.”
“No,” Lee replied contentedly.
“Why not?”
“I did not want to.”
Gaara looked away, still feeling gloomier than he had in a long while. “…”
“There is no need to feel ashamed.”
“I-I know that…”
“Then find the good in it and believe it.”
“… You sound like Naruto.”
“… I am sorry.”
After a few more moments of silence, Lee stood and scooped the other up in his arms, gourd and all, and then proceeded to exit the tunnel to a more suitable place to sleep. He had some trouble opening the door though, so Gaara had to do it for him.
The leaf ninja looked around to make sure no one was there before he exited, walking down the line of doors before stopping at their usual one, nodding in thanks as Gaara opened it for him. He then kicked the door shut behind him, only to find…
“L-Lee?” Gai was sitting on the bed, looking miserable.
“Uh…” the student sweat-dropped. “Master Gai… is something wrong?”
Gaara only stared.
“*Sniff* N-no, nothing is wrong, Lee. I j-just wanted to tell you something.”
The taijutsu specialist blinked.
“Y-you can be with w-whoever you w-want…” Gai stuttered before standing up, wiping his eyes with his sleeve and placing a hand on his protégé's shoulder. “I-it's ok… I-I d-don't m-mind… t-that mu-much…”
“Uh… thank you?” Lee wasn't quite sure what to say, for he still had no idea what his teacher was going on about or why he was so upset.
“… Why are you crying?” asked Gaara with a slight frown, but Gai only let out a wail before running out of the room, leaving the two to stare at each other in confusion.
“What was that all about?” the Kazekage asked.
Lee shrugged. “I do not know…”
 
{In the Morning…}
 
Kabuto heard an odd sound, like rain.
“Youuuuuuu… Unnnwwwwoooooorrrrtttthhhhyyy one!”
His eyes shot open, and to his horror, Orochimaru's four serpents were on his pillow, staring down at him. “… Oh, oh, crap…”
“Yoooouuuuuuu fiiiiiiieeeeeeennnnnnddddddd!!!” the creatures snarled simultaneously. “You haaaaavvvvvvveeeee sssssssssuuuuullllllliiiiiiiieeeeedddd Maaaassssssssssstttttteeeerrrr'ssssssssssss puuuuurrrrrrriiiiiiitttttttyyyy! Diiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!”
“Wai…” but the snakes reared back, fangs out. “Aah… my lord!” Kabuto grabbed at his master, managing to snag a lock of hair and tugging sharply on it.
“What…? What the hell was that fo-“ Orochimaru's eyes widened.
“Help! Help me, please!”
“Oh, shit!” The snakes lunged at Kabuto's face…
Quickly making signs with one of his hands, Orochimaru switched Kabuto's body with a log, sighing in relief as the snakes' fangs sunk into the wood, although he didn't feel much better when the serpents thrashed around, trying to free their teeth from the captivity.
“You stupid, good-for-nothing snakes!!” the sannin hissed at them. “I told you to leave Kabuto alone!”
The snakes just hissed back at him.
“I'll get rid of you!”
This made them shut up.
“If you do something like that one more time, it's back to the snake-pit for you ignorant creatures. Do you hear me?!” Orochimaru glared.
The reptiles nodded sadly before vanishing with a poof.
The snake-summoner put a hand to his forehead and sighed, calling out, “All right, Kabuto. It's safe to come out now.”
The medic came out slowly, peering around the bathroom door. “Are you sure, Lord Orochimaru?”
“Yes,” assured the other. “They will not bother us again… I hope.”
Kabuto sighed in relief.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
“Hehehehe…” Jiraiya leaned over a slumbering Tsunade, obviously staring at his favorite part of her. Drool was slightly coming out of his mouth, and he had to wipe it away every few seconds. “It's too bad I can't do anything, or she might wake up… Oooh boy, if she was mine… I could frolic around and sing… sing… sing…”
 
{??? Guess what song? … Come on, guess! … F-fine! Don't guess!!! Pooheads… - Author 2}
 
Jiraiya: Down at an English fair,
One evening I was there,
When I heard a showman shouting,
Underneath the flare:

Jiraiya: “Ho, I've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts! Laa-daa-dee!
There they are a-standing in a row!
Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head!
Give `em a twist, a flick o' the wrist,”
That's what the showman said.

Jiraiya: “Ho, I've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts! Laa-daa-dee!
Every ball you throw will make me rich!
There stands me wife, the idol of me life,
Singing `Roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!'”

Jiraiya: “Singing `Roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!'”
“Singing `Roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Roll a-bowl a ball, roll a-bowl a boll,'
Singing `Roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!'”

Jiraiya: I've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts!
ANBU Members: They're lovely!
Jiraiya: There they are a-standing in a row!
ANBU Members: One, two, three, four!
Jiraiya: Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head!
ANBU Members: And bigger!
Jiraiya: “Give `em a twist, a flick of the wrist,”
That's what the showman said.

Jiraiya: “Now that I've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts…”
ANBU Members: La-da-de-da-da!
Jiraiya: “Every ball you throw will make me rich!”
ANBU Members: Have a banana!
Jiraiya: “There stands me wife, the idol of me life,
Singing `Roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!'”
 
Jiraiya: All together now-OOF!!
{End… Haha.}
 

Tsunade had apparently woken up, giving the older man a swift punch to the balls to silence him. She apparently had frightened away all the ANBU members too.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
Naruto frowned, “Did you guys feel that?”
“Feel what?” Kiba glared at him.
“You know, like someone just got their nuts smashed?”
“Uh… no,” Shino blinked behind his glasses.
“Really?”
Kiba growled, “You're such a freak, Naruto.”
“BARK!”
“Stay out of this, Akamaru.”
“Whine...”
“Well, I'm hungry,” Shino announced, “Some of the others are probably already up.” He left.
“Me, too…” Kiba followed, Akamaru trailing behind him.
Naruto pouted on his bed for a moment before getting up… “… But there's no ramen…”
 
And Shino was right. Aside from Shikamaru, who was lying on the floor, chanting “Mush-rooms, mush-rooms, mush-rooms, muuush-rooms,” and Gai who was wailing away next to him, most of the others were both awake and coherent. Only Jiraiya, Tsunade, Kabuto, Orochimaru, Kakashi, Iruka, Gaara, and Lee were missing.
Even Tazuna was there, dancing about the room. He seemed to have completely forgotten about his grandson, not even noticing Inari's absence.
“I feel like singing!” Tazuna smiled dreamily as he began spinning, arms spread.
“Don't you-” Itachi started, but never finished, for the bridge-builder had already begun.
 
{Feeling Groovy}
 
To Itachi's outrage, Kisame began to sing with Tazuna merrily.
 
Tazuna and Kisame: Slow down; you're moving too fast,
You've got to make the morning last!
Just kicking down the cobble-stones,
Looking for fun and feeling groovy!
 
Tazuna and Kisame: Da-da-da-da-da-dada-dadada!
Feeling groovy…
Itachi: I'm going to kill him…

Tazuna and Kisame: Hello lamp-post, what you knowing?
I've come to watch your flowers growing!
Ain't you got no rhymes for me?
Do-it-do-do, feeling groovy!
Tazuna and Kisame: Da-da-da-da-da-dada-dadada!
Feeling groovy.

Tazuna and Kisame: I've got no deeds to do, no promises to keep.
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep!
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me!

Tazuna and Kisame: Life I love you, all is groovy!
Tazuna: Da-da-da-da-da-da…
Kisame: Da-da-da-da-AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Kisame sprints away in terror, chased by a sword-wielding Itachi.
 
{Fades}
 
“You can run, but you can't hide!” Itachi growled.
“WWWWWWHHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!”
Itachi was about to strike him down when the door he was standing next to shot open and smacked him in the face. He fell to the floor, unconscious.
Tsunade emerged, grinning evilly, followed by Jiraiya, who was doubled over.
“Morning!” she headed into the kitchen.
“…My… my… my…” Jiraiya gasped.
“HA! See!” Naruto pointed at Kiba triumphantly, “Someone DID get their nuts smashed!… Oh… Ow…”
Temari rolled her eyes, “He probably deserved it.”
“O-oh, Naruto!” Hinata breathed, “How did you know?”
“A male's intuition!” Naruto grinned impressively.
“Oh, please!” Neji snorted. “He just wants to get some, Miss Hinata.”
Hinata seemed to be turning into a beet, she was blushing so furiously. “I… I… I…”
“Pathetic!” Neji snorted.
Naruto glared at him, “Quit being such a pansy, Neji!”
“I… I… I…”
“What… did you just call me?!”
“I…”
 
{??? … I'm sorry about this, Author 1… - Author 2}
 
Hinata rips off her clothes to reveal a skimpy outfit. Neji's eyes widen in horror.
 
Hinata: I made it through the wilderness!
Somehow I made it through!
Didn't know how lost I was,
Until I found you!
 
Neji: … What the hell is she talking about?
Naruto: You, Neji!
Neji: Don't make me vomit all over you, you sick fuck!
 
Hinata: I was beat, incomplete!
I'd been had; I was sad and blue!
But you made me feel…
Yeah, you made me feel…
Shiny and new!
 
Sasuke: Does she do this often, Shino?
Shino: No, never… I think it's been building up over the years…
Sasuke: Ugh…
 
Hinata: Like a virgin,
Touched for the very first time!
Like a virgin,
When your heart beats,
Next to mine!
 
Hinata: Gonna give you all my love, boy!
 
*Hinata begins writhing around on the floor.*
Neji: Oh, dear Gods! Make her stop!

Hinata: My fear is fading fast!
Been saving it all for you,
'Cause only love can last!
 
Hinata: You're so fine and you're mine!
Make me strong, yeah you make me bold!
Oh, your love thawed out!
Yeah, your love thawed out,
What was scared and cold!
 
Hinata: Like a virgin,
Touched for the very first time!
Like a virgin,
With your heartbeat,
Next to mine!
Oooh, oooh, oooh!
 
Neji runs away, gagging at the sight of his sex-deprived cousin.
 
Hinata: You're so fine and you're mine!
I'll be yours till the end of time,
'Cause you made me feel…
Yeah, you made me feel…
I've nothing to hide!
 
Hinata: Like a virgin,
Touched for the very first time!
Like a virgin,
With your heartbeat,
Next to mine!
 
Naruto: GO, HINATA! YEAH!
Sakura: Naruto, she's acting like a-oof!
*Naruto punches Sakura.*
 
Hinata: Like a virgin, ooh, ooh!
Like a virgin,
Feels so good inside,
When you hold me, and your heart beats, and you love me!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Ooh, baby!
Can't you hear my heart beat…
For the very first time?
 
{Fades}
 
Hinata quickly put her clothes back on after the song finished. To almost everyone's surprise, Kakashi came out of his room, carrying a worn-out Iruka in his arms. “Good morning!”
“Kakashi… help… mee…” whined Jiraiya as he reached towards his fellow pervert, but the copy ninja only walked past without noticing, causing Jiraiya to miss and fall over. “Ohhhh…”
Tsunade grunted. “Morning, Kakashi.”
“Hi, Kakashi-Sensei!” grinned Naruto, “Morning, Iruka-Sensei!”
“Meh…” was the chuunin's reply.
Kiba grumbled as he held Akamaru, watching Kakashi and his prize stride past casually. “You sure know how to keep the whole house awake.”
“Mmm, is that so? My, my, Iruka-chan, it seems we had an audience.”
“Wonderful.”
Naruto blinked. “Wow… Iruka-Sensei didn't complain for once… that's unusual.”
“Hey,” said Sakura, “did any of you see where Neji ran off to?”
Kiba smirked. “He's probably still throwing up in the bathroom.”
“Yeah…” Even Jiraiya seemed a bit unnerved.
“…” Kakashi blinked before looking down at his cuddled up lover. “Iruka… I think we missed something important.”
“Probably.”
“… Oh well.”
 
{In the Bathroom}
 
Neji vomited for the third time, his eyes shut tightly, “… Uuughh…” he moaned and clutched at his stomach. “So… horrible…”
Feeling yet another wave of nausea coming on, he grabbed the sink nearby and forced himself to relax. “… So… wrong…”
Ah, but you liked it, whispered a treacherous voice inside his head.
His pale Hyuga eyes doubled in size, then shut tightly as he vomited again.
WRONG!!! I HATE HER!!! AND SHE'S MY FUCKING COUSIN!!! SICK!!!!
“UGH! Ick, ick, ick, ick, ick…” Neji groaned.
“Uh… b-big brother?”
“AGH! G-go away! Please!”
“A-are you okay, nii-san?” Hinata squeaked. He hated her voice, too… hated its weakness.
“Ugh… oh…” Must… make her… leave… An idea came to the desperate Neji.
He pretended to vomit.
“Ahh… UUUUUUURRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!”
Hinata flinched on the other side of the door, “C-can I help?”
“BBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!”< /div>
“I… I… I'll just… go… then…” Hinata shuddered.
“AAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”
Hinata scampered away, slightly green.
“… Ugh… sucker…”
Awww… you like her, you know it…
NNNOOOOOOO!!!! NO, I DON'T!!!
Haha… I'm having an argument with myself again!
Hahaha…
“Ha… haha…”
Hinata's hot…
NO!! BAD THOUGHT!!!
But true…
Damn it…
 
{I Hate Everything About You}
 
Neji: Every time we lie awake,
After every hit we take…
Every feeling that I get,
But I haven't missed you yet.

Neji: Every roommate kept awake,
By every shout and scream we make…
All the feelings that I get,
But I still don't miss you yet.

Neji: Only when I stop to think about it…

Neji: I hate everything about you!
Why do I love you?!
I hate everything about you!
Why do I love you?!

Neji: Every time we lie awake,
After every hit we take…
Every feeling that I get,
But I haven't missed you yet.
Neji: … Urp…

Neji: Only when I stop to think about it…

Neji: I hate everything about you!
Why do I love you?!
I hate everything about you!
Why do I love you?!

Neji: Only when I stop to think,
About you, I know…
Only when you stop to think,
About me, do you know…

Neji: I hate everything about you!
Why do I love you?!
You hate everything about me!
Why do you love me?!

Neji: I hate!
You hate!
I hate!
You love me!

Neji: I hate everything about you!
Why do I love you?!
 
{End}
 
Neji groaned again. “Stupid song… stupid cousin… stupid everything… Urp…”
 
{Meanwhile}
 
The pink-haired shinobi sighed as she sat down in the circle, looking almost as bored as everyone else did. “That was a bit disturbing.”
Iruka, who had been seated so that he sat in Kakashi's lap with the jonin's head resting upon his, let a hand drift over one of the man's knees and gently caressed it. “Perhaps it would be helpful if someone would clue us in on what we missed.”
“Hmm…” the copy ninja nodded, “that would help, indeed. What a brilliant man you are, Iruka-chan.”
“Sure,” Iruka sweat-dropped before letting his hand lift to absent-mindedly stroke at the jonin's masked cheek.
“Well, you see…” Choji frowned as he folded his arms across his chest. “Hinata had a strange… incident… and kind of lost her… what do you call it?… noodles.”
“RAMEN!!” said Naruto.
“No, noodles as in brains.”
“…”
“So, Hinata finally lost it?” Iruka raised a brow.
Choji nodded. “Pretty much.”
“I still think Hinata's pretty cool,” voiced the kitsune-boy, glaring at the others as he drew little designs on the floor with his finger.
“… You're stupid, Naruto,” Sakura sweat-dropped. “How could you still like her after that?”
“Why not?”
“… Never mind him, Sakura,” Sasuke seemed to have had enough of it. “He's still the stupid dobe he always was. There's no point in trying to understand him.”
“Sasuke, it'd be best if you watched your mouth.”
Everyone stared to look at the one who had spoken, eyes somewhat wide.
“… Iruka?” Kakashi murred as he stared down upon the chuunin.
“Knowing what you've done to Konoha,” began the brunette, “and the way you've abandoned everything… Naruto, Sakura… even Kakashi and I. You're just following your brother's footsteps.”
“… Hey,” Itachi glared.
Iruka seemed to ignore him. “Sasuke Uchiha, you're just as bad as your brother. Just another selfish, power-hungry idiot. You didn't care what happened to your teammates, you didn't care what happened to the village, you didn't even care about yourself. Naruto might be a bit blonde at times, and he might act like what you call a `dobe', but at least he's true to the village! At least he watched out for his friends! Unlike you, at least he puts other's lives before his! Because of these things, Naruto will be a thousand times a better ninja than you'll ever be.”
Kakashi blinked, not used to his chuunin being so serious towards a younger ninja. Sure, he had been a bit rough on Naruto at times, but never had he seen Iruka give off such pulses of anger. Maybe there was something in Iruka that others normally missed…
“Who are you to tell me what I can and can't do?” hissed the younger Uchiha, his Sharingan flaring up.
“I'm one of your former teachers, Sasuke. That is who I am, and that gives me every right,” snapped Iruka. “You, on the other hand, think you have every right to insult another ninja… one who was once your friend! Is that how you really treat others, Sasuke? Is it? Are you really that heartless, or is there something else you wish to tell us?”
Naruto seemed a bit amused as he watched the two bicker. This was why he liked Iruka-Sensei so much…
“No,” Sasuke replied coolly, “There isn't.”
“Then shut up.”
“Wow, Iruka-Sensei! You're so cool!”
“Speaking of which, Naruto…” Iruka stood, making Kakashi go `awww…' “I want to talk to you.”
Naruto frowned, “About what?”
“Come on. Up.”
The blonde sighed and followed his former mentor into… the kitchen.
Kakashi blinked, “… You don't think he's going to…?”
“No!” everyone snapped.
“Just because you're a sex-crazed pervert, it doesn't mean we all are,” Itachi spoke absently, staring at his now moping brother.
“… Look who's talking…” the jonin muttered.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
Iruka and Naruto were alone, save for Gai, who was sobbing heart-brokenly in a corner.
“Uh… is it Lee, again, Gai?” Iruka asked.
“WWWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!”
“I'll take that as a yes, then.”
“*Sob* *sob. * ”
Naruto snickered, then stopped abruptly as Iruka glared at him, “Uh… heheh… So, what did you want?”
“You aren't stupid, Naruto,” Iruka started, “You need to stop wasting your intellect or you'll end up like me.”
The boy stared at him, “… Like… you?”
“Yes. Why do you think I'm still a chuunin?”
“I don't know,” Naruto shrugged.
“Because I didn't use my head when I was your age.”
“What?”
“You are a lot like I was, Naruto, and I don't want you to end up like me.”
“I'm like you were?”
“Yes,” Iruka gazed at him, “I believe I told you this the night… that you graduated, that I grew up in a very similar way. I was orphaned, and I became the class clown just so people would notice me. But you don't have to end up like I did, Naruto. You can change.” His words were occasionally punctuated by Gai's wails.
Naruto hesitated, “… You mean that? I'm like you?”
 
{How You Remind Me}
 
Iruka: Never made it as a wise man…
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing.
Tired of living like a blind man…
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling.
And this is how you remind me…
This is how you remind me…
This is how you remind me,
Of what I really am!
This is how you remind me,
Of what I really am!

Iruka and ANBU Guys: It's not like you to say sorry!
I was waiting on a different story!
This time I'm mistaken,
For handing you a heart worth breaking,

Iruka: And I've been wrong, I've been down,
Been to the bottom of every bottle…
These five words in my head,
Scream `Are we having fun yet?'

Iruka and ANBU Guys: Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no!
 
Gai: *Sob, * it's so s-sad…
 
Iruka: It's not like you didn't know that…
I said I love you and I swear I still do,
And it must have been so bad,
'Cause living with me must have damn near killed you.
 
Naruto: Uh… what?

Iruka: And this is how, you remind me,
Of what I really am!
This is how, you remind me,
Of what I really am!

Iruka and ANBU Guys: It's not like you to say sorry!
I was waiting on a different story!
This time I'm mistaken,
For handing you a heart worth breaking,

Iruka: And I've been wrong, I've been down,
Been to the bottom of every bottle…
These five words in my head,
Scream `Are we having fun yet?'

Iruka and ANBU Guys: Yet, yet, yet, no, no!
Yet, yet, yet, no, no!
Yet, yet, yet, no, no!
Yet, yet, yet, no, no!

Iruka: Never made it as a wise man…
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing.
And this is how you remind me…
This is how you remind me…
This is how you remind me,
Of what I really am!
This is how you remind me,
Of what I really am!

Iruka and ANBU Guys: It's not like you to say sorry!
I was waiting on a different story!
This time I'm mistaken,

Iruka: For handing you a heart worth breaking,
And I've been wrong, I've been down,
Been to the bottom of every bottle…
These five words in my head,
Scream `Are we having fun yet?!'

ANBU Guys: Yet, yet…
Iruka: Are we having fun yet?
ANBU Guys: Yet, yet…
Iruka: Are we having fun yet?
ANBU Guys: Yet, yet…
Iruka: Are we having fun yet?
ANBU Guys: Yet, yet…
Iruka: No, no…
 
Gai: WWWWWHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
 
{Fades}
 
{Meanwhile}
 
“… Wake up, Lee.”
“Don' wanna…”
Gaara blinked. “ `Don'… wanna'?”
“Five more minutes, Gai-Sensei…”
“No… Now.” Gaara shook him slightly.
“Bu-…”
“I'm bored.”
“…”
Gaara frowned. Fine, if Lee wanted to be a lazy ass, then he'd get him up the easy way. He paused momentarily as his gaze washed over the green spandex the other wore, getting a strange idea. A hand slowly snaked out, touching the covered skin just above the boy's stomach and began to lightly stroke it, enjoying the feeling of the odd fabric.
Lee made a strange face as he arched slightly… then turned over and went into a deeper sleep.
“…” This only made Gaara even more determined. If he wanted to wake someone up, he would wake them up. This time, he gently turned the boy over to his backside so he could straddle him, sitting on the other with the same expressionless mask he always seemed to have. He cupped Lee's face and began to stroke it, occasionally brushing back some of the ebony strands. It was strange… he'd never really felt this way before, nor had this kind of thought ever crossed his mind. Kakashi always said molesting people was fun… so was it?
Then a hand drifted behind him to brush lightly against the slight bulge in Lee's suit, pressing down upon it until he could feel the warmth crawl up his digits.
“EHH?!” Lee immediately opened his eyes, gasping as he attempted to sit up, but instead fell back down due to that Gaara was sitting on his chest.
“About time you got up,” the sand ninja scowled.
Lee shivered as he tried to shake off the strange feeling in his lower areas. “Wh-what is going on? Where are we? What are you doing?”
“Molesting you.”
“… Wha?” Lee's eyes widened considerably.
“Isn't that what you call this?” Gaara touched the same spot he had earlier, causing Lee to yelp in surprise as he struggled not to arch against the Kazekage's strokes.
“Ah… er… w-well…” the taijutsu specialist bit his bottom lip, trying not to shiver. “I… I would not know. Gai-Sensei only schooled me in the art of the shinobi ways. You would have to ask… Kakashi-Sensei about that.”
“Oh, all right…” grunted the other before he flipped off of Lee, allowing him to stand up. “Come on, it's a bit late to be staying in bed.”
“Ah… okay…” Lee brushed off the feeling of whatever it was that was overpowering him and followed Gaara out.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
The two emerged from the room only to find that all hell had broken loose.
“NO!!! GET IT AWAY!!! KANKURO!!! DO SOMETHING!!!” Temari was screaming, pressed up against the wall as a figure glared down at her.
“I'M NOT DOING THIS!!!” he wailed.
Kankuro's puppet was… moving of its own volition.
“Kankuro… if this is some sort of joke…” Gaara blinked at his older brother.
“NO!!! IT JUST STARTED MOVING ON ITS OWN!!!”
“Great… oh, well. Bye, Temari.” The puppet leaned towards her…
“NOOOO!!!!!” she shielded her face with her arms.
“Why are you so scared of me?” Even Gaara's eyes widened slightly. Karasu was… pouting, “I'm not gonna hurt you.”
Temari fainted.
“M-MUSHROOMS!!!!” Shikamaru shot up from his spot on the floor, clutching his precious bag of mushrooms to his chest, eyes gleaming with paranoia, before passing out on the floor.
“I'm looking for some… brains,” the puppet gazed at them expectantly. Everyone took a step back, “Do you know where there are any brains I could use?”
“W-what do you need brains for?” Sakura shook uncontrollably.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. No one here has any brains…
 
{??? … Here I go… *Sigh…* Oh, by the way, we know that Karasu really means `crow,' but we couldn't pass up the opportunity to use this song - Author 2}
 
Karasu: I could wile away the hours,
Conferring with the flowers,
Consulting with the rain…
And my head I'd be scratching,
While my thoughts were busy hatching,
If I only had a brain!
 
Gaara: … It's tone-deaf…
Kankuro: This isn't my fault!

Karasu: I'd unravel any riddle,
For any individual,
In trouble or in pain!
With the thoughts I'd be thinking,
I could be another Lincoln,
If I only had a brain!
 
Hinata: W-who is Lincoln?

Karasu: Oh, I would tell you why,
The ocean's near the shore!
I could think of things I never thunk before,
And then I'd sit and think some more!
Kiba: `Thunk?'
Kankuro: Oh, Gods…

Karasu: I would not be just a nothing,
My head all full of stuffing,
My heart all full of pain…
 
Tenten: … It has a heart?
Kankuro: NO!!!

Karasu: I would dance and be merry!
Life would be a ding-a-derry,
If I only had a- Oof!
 
The puppet suddenly crumples, lifeless, as Itachi trips over Shikamaru. Everyone stares at him.
 
{End}
 
“… So…” Kankuro hissed softly, “So…”
“… What?” Itachi feigned ignorance.
“Nice try, but we aren't that stupid,” Temari glared at him from her spot on the floor.
Sasuke stared at his brother for a moment, then… “You're fucked up, you know that?”
“… I was bored,” he shrugged.
“So was I,” commented Gaara. Lee went rather pale, “… but playing with dolls, Uchiha?”
“What was that, desert rat?!” Itachi snarled.
“… I hate you…” Sasuke spoke abruptly.
Itachi whirled around to glare at him, “I beg your pardon?”
“You heard me.”
“And why is that?”
 
{Side of a Bullet}
 
Sasuke: ANBU ranks taught him to aim-
Maybe a little too well!
Finger on the handle, well-aimed kunai!
He hit the stage so full of rage,
And let the whole world know it.
Six feet away, they heard him say,
“Oh Gods, don't let him throw it!”
 
Sasuke: Please Gods, don't let him throw it!
How could you put us through it?
I know, I watched you do it!
 
Sasuke: How could you take his life away?
ANBU Members: What makes you think you have the right?
How could you be so full of hate?
ANBU Members: To take away somebody's life!
Sasuke: And when I heard you let him die,
And made the world all wonder why.
I sat at home and on my own,
I cried alone,
And scratched your name-
On the side of a kunai!
 
Tenten: … The ANBU are back again.

Sasuke: And in the wake of his mistake,
So many lives are broken.
Gone forever from a well-aimed kunai!
And no excuse that you could use-
Could pull somebody through it.
And to this day so many say,
“Gods, why'd you let him do it?”
 
Sasuke: How could you let him do it?
How could you put us through it?
I know, I watched him do it!
 
Sasuke: How could you take his life away?
ANBU Members: What makes you think you had the right?
Sasuke: How could you be so full of hate?
ANBU Members: To take away somebody's life!
Sasuke: And when I heard you let him die,
And made the world-
all wonder why.
I sat at home and cried alone,
and on my own,
I scratched your name-
On the side of a kunai!
 
Sasuke: On the side of a kunai!
On the side of a kunai!
Ooh… yeah…

{End}
 
“… Oh, I never knew you felt that way,” Itachi said sarcastically, rolling his eyes a bit.
Sasuke glared. “Shut up. Not only did you slaughter our whole clan, you lost my favorite bicycle!”
All of the characters stared, including Itachi.
“That was years ago, Sasuke. Plus, Mom said you had outgrown it.”
“LIAR!!”
“… Fine, I'm sorry I lost your bike.”
“… What?” Everyone said simultaneously. Sasuke glared at him, unconvinced.
“I'm sorry I lost your bike.”
“…… Did he just say what I think he said?” Kakashi mused as he pulled Iruka back into his lap, finding it funny that the other didn't bother to protest.
“Probably,” Iruka shrugged. It seemed to be an on-going theme for the chuunin.
 
{The Apology Song}
 
Itachi: I'm really sorry, Sasuke,
But your bicycle's gone away.
I was watching it for you,
Till you came back at nightfall.
Guess I didn't do such a good job after all.

Itachi: I was feeling really sorry, Sasuke,
And I searched for your bike all day,
And everybody's saying,
That you'll take the news gracefully…
Somehow I don't think I'll be getting off that easily.

Itachi and ANBU Members: I meant her no harm,
When I left her unlocked,
Outside the Konoha Food Farm.
I was just running in…
Didn't think I'd be that long.
I came out; she was gone,
And all that was there was some bored old dog,
Leashed up to the place where your bicycle had been.
Itachi: Guess we'll never see poor Bikie-bike again.

Itachi: Let this be consolation, brother,
That while you were out with our Mother,
I treated her with care and respect,
And gave her lots of love,
And I was usually pretty good `bout locking her up.

Itachi and ANBU Members: Where has she gone?
Well, I bet she's on the bottom of an old town pond,
Rudely abused on some hescher's joyride.
Itachi: So I wrote you this song,
In the hopes that you'd forgive me,
Even though it was wrong,
Being so careless with a thing so great,
Itachi: And taking your poor Bikie-bike away… away… away… Oh…
 
{End}
 
“… That's a really crappy-sounding name for a bike,” Naruto frowned. “Who would name their bike, `Bikie-bike'?”
Sasuke lunged at Naruto with a murderous gleam in his eyes, “DON'T MAKE FUN OF BIKIE-BIKE!!”
Iruka sweat-dropped. “That… is a bit odd. Mine's name was just plain old, `bike'.”
“Mine was, `Daisy',” smiled Sakura.
Kakashi grinned. “Mine was, “Super-Ultra-Soaped-Up-Pervert -Bob'!”
Everyone stared.
“That's almost as dumb as `Bikie-bike,'” said Tenten slowly, and predictably, Sasuke attempted to strangle her.
After a few moments of Sasuke throttling anyone who tried to bring up the subject, the ninja had calmed down enough to say, “It was a good bicycle.”
“I'm sure it was,” grumbled Naruto with a scowl. “My bike's name was, `Ramen-mobile.'”
“That's stupid, Naruto,” retorted the raven-haired outcast. “… I always rode my bike everywhere.”
 
{Bicycle Song}
 
Sasuke and ANBU Members: Bicycle! Bicycle! Bicycle!
Sasuke: I want to ride my-
Sasuke and ANBU Members: Bicycle! Bicycle! Bicycle!

Sasuke: I want to ride my bicycle!
I want to ride my bike!
I want to ride my bicycle!
I want to ride it where I like!

Sasuke: You say black; I say white!
You say bark; I say bite!
You say shark; I say hey, man…
Jaws was never my scene and I don't like Star Wars!
You say Rolls; I say Royce!
You say Gods; give me a choice!
You say Lord; I say Christ!
I don't believe in Peter Pan, Frankenstein, or Superman!
All I wanna do is…

Sasuke and ANBU Members: Bicycle! Bicycle! Bicycle!
Sasuke: I want to ride my-
Sasuke and ANBU Members: Bicycle! Bicycle! Bicycle!

Sasuke: I want to ride my bicycle!
I want to ride my bike!
I want to ride my bicycle!
I want to ride my-!

Sasuke and ANBU Members: Bicycle races are coming your way!
So forget all your duties, oh, yeah!
Fat bottomed girls, they'll be riding today!
So look out for those beauties, oh, yeah!
 
Sakura: …… You're into fat-bottomed women? Should I make mine bigger?
Jiraiya: Oh, a soul-mate!!
Itachi: … Back off, Toady.

Sasuke: On your marks! Get set! Go!
Bicycle race! Bicycle race! Bicycle race!
Bicycle! Bicycle! Bicycle! I want to ride my bicycle!
Bicycle! Bicycle! Bicycle!
Bicycle race!

Sasuke: You say coke; I say `caine!
You say John; I say Wayne!
Hot dog, I say cool it, man! I don't wanna be the President of America!
You say smile; I say cheese!
Cartier, I say please!
Income tax, I say Jesus!
I don't wanna be a candidate for Vietnam or Watergate,
'Cause all I want to do is…

Sasuke and ANBU Members: Bicycle! Bicycle! Bicycle!
Sasuke: I want to ride my-
Sasuke and ANBU Members: Bicycle! Bicycle! Bicycle!

Sasuke: I want to ride my bicycle!
I want to ride my bike!
I want to ride my bicycle!
I want to ride it where I like!
{End}
 
“Ok, that was great and all, but now I feel like singing,” said Kakashi as soon as Sasuke had finished. “I need to sing a love song.”
Iruka immediately flushed. “Kakashi, that's not really necessary, is it?”
“Of course it is.” The jonin stroked his lover's chest soothingly. “Plus, I have an announcement to make!”
“… What is it now?” Itachi growled, his brows furrowing.
“I would like to announce that I love Iruka, and he is mine. No one else can have him. If anyone does so much as to touch my Iruka in any way or manner, I will personally castrate them! And if you don't have anything to castrate, then I'll slice off whatever I see first!” A star appeared in Kakashi's one visible eye, much like it did when he was about to perform the `One-Thousand Years of Death' technique.
“Well, that was a real surprise,” Tsunade commented dryly, “Who'd have guessed?”
Kakashi blinked coldly at her, “Whatever… You're just jealous because he's mine!”
“WHAT?!” the Hokage snarled at him in outrage.
“Anyway… a song for you, my dear…”
“… Yay…”
 
{I'll Never Stop}
 
Kakashi stands up and takes off his jonin vest, leaving his black tank top on… and he also takes off his pants to reveal black leather ones. Out of his shuriken pouch comes not his book, but a set of black shades, which he puts on with a purr. Iruka blinks.
 
Kakashi: I'll…
I'll never stop!
 
Kakashi: I don't know,
Do you believe me,
After all the said and done?
All the lies,
How I regret them, baby, now.
I am the loser,
And you're shining like the sun!
Tell me why can't I still be the one?
All right...

Kakashi: I will never stop until you're mine!
I can wait forever till the end of time!
'Cause my heart is in your hands.
Don't you understand?
I'll never stop!

Kakashi: I'll never stop!

Kakashi: How could I ever, when my heart is in your hands?
And I know, baby, there is no turning back.
You say that I'm crazy, and I kind of understand.
How I wish for this nightmare to end! Oh, yes!

Kakashi: I will never stop until you're mine!
I can wait forever till the end of time!
'Cause my heart is in your hands.
Don't you understand;
I'll never stop!

Kakashi: I'll never stop!

Kakashi: Ooh...
Do you believe me,
When my heart is in your hands?
Don't you understand?
I'll never stop!

Kakashi: I will never stop!
ANBU Members: Ooh!
Till the end of time…
Kakashi: I can wait forever!
ANBU Members: Heart is in your hands!
Kakashi: My heart is in your hands!

Kakashi and ANBU Members: I'll never stop until you're mine!
I can wait forever till the end of time!
'Cause my heart is in your hands.
Don't you understand?
I'll never stop!

Kakashi: I'll never stop!
 
{End}
 
After the jonin had finished, Kakashi walked back over to Iruka and knelt in front of him, placing a hand on one side of the academy-teacher's face before pulling down the mask that covered his own. He leaned forward and kissed the chuunin, dominating him easily as the other's eyes grew a bit wide, but they didn't remain large for long as Iruka subconsciously began to stroke the silver locks.
All of the others watched in amazement.
“… Iruka's not complaining?” blinked Sakura as she gazed onward. Naruto nodded in agreement.
Jiraiya smirked. “Maybe he's finally accepted Kakashi's love for him.”
The chuunin pulled away to let out a sigh, “Arigatou, Kakashi. That was a very nice… song thing.”
“You're quite welcome,” grinned the pervert before leaning forward to nip at the man's nose scar. “Now it's your turn.”
“… You're kidding, right?” Iruka sweat-dropped before pulling back farther. “Wh-what are you wanting me to sing?”
The jonin shrugged. “Well, I would like to… um... I guess you could sing… you can sing whatever you want. I just, well…”
“…?”
“… Sing whatever you'd like.”
“In other words, you want me to tell you how I really feel, right?”
“…”
“Geesh, you're so weird, Kakashi.” Iruka shook his head with a smile before patting the other's cheek.
 
{Far Away}
 
Iruka sighs as he walks to the middle of the circle, looking a bit nervous as everyone stares at him dumbly. A sweat-drop forms on the side of his face. “… Do you all have to stare at me that way?” There was silence… “… Fine.” Kakashi looks on hopefully as Iruka clears his throat.
 
Iruka: This time, this place.
Misused, mistakes.
Too long, too late.
Who was I to make you wait?
Just one chance, just one breath,
Just in case this just one left.
`Cause you know, you know, you know…
 
Iruka: I'll love you…
I have loved you all along.
And I miss you…
Been far away for far too long.
I keep dreaming you'll be with me,
And you'll never go.
Stop breathing if-
I don't see you anymore…
 
Iruka: On my knees, I'll ask.
Last chance for one last dance,
`Cause with you, I'd withstand,
All of hell to hold your hand.
I'd give it all.
I'd give for us,
Give anything, but I won't give up.
`Cause you know, you know, you know…
 
Iruka: I'll love you…
I have loved you all along.
And I miss you…
Been far away for far too long.
I keep dreaming you'll be with me,
And you'll never go.
Stop breathing if-
I don't see you anymore…
 
Iruka: So far away… (So far away…)
Been far away for far too long.
So far away… (So far away…)
Been far away for far too long.
But you know, you know, you know…
 
Iruka: I wanted-
I wanted you to stay.
`Cause I needed-
I need to hear you say-
 
Kakashi: That I love you.
I have loved you all along.
And I forgive you,
For being away for far too long.
So keep breathing,
`Cause I'm not leaving you anymore…
Believe it,
Hold on to me and never let me go.
Keep breathing,
`Cause I'm not leaving you anymore…
Believe it,
Hold on to me and never let me go. (Keep breathing…)
Hold on to me and never let me go. (Keep breathing…)
Kakashi and Iruka: Hold on to me and never let me go…
 
{End}
 
At first, Iruka and Kakashi just stood there, staring at each other. Kakashi blinked, and then as if it had just hit him, he lunged at the chuunin and tackled him to the ground with a squeak of happiness. Covering the other's face with kisses, he seemed to purr like a kitten.
“YOU REALLY DO LOVE MEEE!!” the man squealed, nuzzling the side of Iruka's cheek. He seemed to be in absolute bliss at the moment.
The brunette sighed before stroking the silver locks that tickled his face. “How could I not? You're always… well, you were there for me after… after Mizuki devastated my life. You gave it back to me. I got my life back…”
“Awww…” cooed someone from the circle, and both of the nuzzling ninja turned to see Itachi glaring at them. “That's so cute that it makes me want to puke.”
Lee snorted. “It is not wise to trifle with love.”
“… What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Itachi stared on boredly.
“It means what it means.”
“… I hate you. You make no sense. You talk like words missing randomly kind of this.”
“…” Lee stared. “What did you say? I could not understand.”
“That proves my point. You're stupid.”
“Watch your mouth,” grunted Gaara from behind the criminal, a hand on the other's neck as if to crush it. “Another word like that and you die. Understand?”
“You think it's that simple, huh?” snickered the raven-haired man, Sharingan snapping into place.
Gaara made no reaction. “You need to turn around to use your Sharingan. By then, I will have already killed you. Don't bother wasting your time.”
The room went awfully cold.
Lee coughed. “I think I should go train for a while. My skills are getting a bit rusty, if you know what I mean.”
“… What exactly do you do for training, Lee?” asked Sakura, quirking a brow.
“Well, now that you ask, I would be more than happy to show you!”
“… What do you mean, show us?” Kisame blinked. Lee grinned.
 
{Kung Fu Fighting}
 
The leaf ninja stands on one foot, extending his arms out and letting his hands hang loosely. The air fills with a strange voice singing, “Oh-ho-ho!” At this point, Gai comes out of the kitchen.
 
Lee: Everybody was kung fu fighting!
Gai and Tenten: Hi-yah!
Lee: Those cats were fast as lightning!
In fact it was a little bit frightening,
But they fought with expert timing!

Lee: They were funky China men from funky Chinatown!
They were chopping them up and they were chopping them down!
It is an ancient Chinese art and everybody knew their part,
From a feint into a slip, and kicking from the hip!

Lee: Everybody was kung fu fighting!
Gai and Tenten: Hi-yah!
Lee: Those cats were fast as lightning!
In fact it was a little bit frightening,
But they fought with expert timing!

Lee: There was funky Billy Chin and little Sammy Chung!
He said, `Here comes the big boss, let us get it on!'
We took a bow and made a stand, started swinging with the hand!
The sudden motion made me skip; now we are into a brand new trip!
 
*Gaara walks over to Kakashi as the rest listen to Lee do Kung Fu moves and such. *
Gaara: Kakashi, I need to talk to you.
Kakashi: … What for?
Gaara: Just come on… *They leave to the kitchen. *

Lee: Everybody was kung fu fighting!
Gai and Tenten: Hi-yah!
Lee: Those cats were fast as lightning!
In fact it was a little bit frightening,
But they did it with expert timing!

Lee: ..Make sure you have expert timing!
Kung fu fighting had to be fast as lightning!
 
{End}
 
{Meanwhile}
 
“… All right. What do you want?” Kakashi frowned at the young Kazekage.
“… I want to know how to molest people.” Gaara's face was quite blank.
“You want to… you want to…” Kakashi attempted to stifle his laughter, but failed miserably.
Gaara blinked slowly, “Is it so amusing?”
“Haha… ha… yes!” the copy ninja chuckled. “Shouldn't someone else have told you about this sort of thing already?” Gaara blinked at him again. “Ah… no, I suppose no one would have told you…” Kakashi shut his eyes in thought, then spoke again, “For Lee, right?” Blink… “Hmmm…”
The jonin paced about the kitchen for a minute, then faced Gaara once more with a wicked grin on his features. “Okay, here's what you do…”
Gaara's face barely changed, save for a profound widening of his jade eyes. It was as much expression as Kakashi had ever seen him make.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
“… Gaara-san left?” Lee's eyes began to wibble.
“N-now Lee…” Tenten patted his back in an attempt to comfort him. “He went with Kakashi to the kitchen. I'm sure he'll be right back.”
“B-b-but… he did not hear the r-rest of my soooooong!!!” The taijutsu specialist burst into tears, wailing at the ceiling.
“… Oh bother,” the female next to him sighed. “Gai-Sensei, he's doing it again.”
“Uh…” Gai blinked. “Uh… Lee!”
“S-senseeeeiiii!!!” sobbed his protégée.
“… Why is he crying?” Gaara inquired. Kakashi walked by him to sit next to Iruka once more, snickering to himself dirtily.
“WWWWWHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”
“… You can see the resemblance…” Shino commented.
“Yep, just like Gai,” snorted Itachi.
Gaara strode over to Itachi and spoke quite coldly, “Do you want to die?”
“No, not particularly… and what did I do this time?”
“… You looked at me the wrong way,” the Kazekage retorted, then went to stand away from the others, his face set in stone.
“I know, Lee!” Gai boomed, “I'll sing a manly song to cheer you up!”
Iruka went white, “NO! STOP HIM!!!”
Gaara's eyes flickered.
 
{The Lumberjack Song}
 
Gai: I never wanted to be a ninja! I wanted to be… a lumberjack!
 
Everyone: …?

Gai: Leaping from tree to tree, as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. The Giant Redwood. The Larch. The Fir! The mighty Scots Pine! The lofty flowering Cherry! The plucky little Apsen! The limping Roo tree of Nigeria. The towering Wattle of Aldershot! The Maidenhead Weeping Water Plant! The naughty Leicestershire Flashing Oak! The flatulent Elm of West Ruislip! The Quercus Maximus Bamber Gascoigni! The Epigillus! The Barter Hughius Greenus!
Gai: With my best buddy by my side, we'd sing! Sing! Sing…
 
Gai: I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay!
I sleep all night. I work all day!
 
Itachi: … Seriously… What the hell is wrong with you people?!
Kiba: It's not like you're any better…

ANBU Members: He's a lumberjack, and he's okay!
He sleeps all night and he works all day!

Gai: I cut down trees. I eat my lunch!
I go to the lavatory!
On Wednesdays I go shopping,
And have buttered scones for tea!

ANBU Members: He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch!
He goes to the lavatory!
On Wednesdays he goes shopping,
And has buttered scones for tea!

Gai and ANBU Members: I'm (He's) a lumberjack, and I'm (he's) okay!
I (He) sleep(s) all night and I (he) work(s) all day!
 
Gaara: *Pokes Lee* Follow me.
Lee: *Sob* *sob* O-okay.

Gai: I cut down trees. I skip and jump!
I like to press wild flowers!
I put on women's clothing,
And hang around in bars!

ANBU Members: He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps!
He likes to press wild flowers!
He puts on women's clothing,
And hangs around in …bars?!

Gai and ANBU Members: I'm (He's) a lumberjack, and I'm (he's) okay!
I (He) sleep(s) all night and I (he) work(s) all day!

Gai: I cut down trees. I wear high heels,
Suspenders, and a bra!
I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like my dear Mama!

Kakashi: Ooh… I have an idea…
Iruka: … Don't even think about it…
Kakashi: Too late!

ANBU Members: He cuts down trees. He wears high heels,
Suspenders, and …a …bra?!

Gai and ANBU Members: I'm (He's) a lumberjack, and I'm (he's) okay!
I (He) sleep(s) all night and I (he) work(s) all day!

Gai and ANBU Members: Yes, I'm (He's) a lumberjack, and I'm (he's) ok-a-y!
… I (He) sleep(s) all night and I (he) work(s) all day!
 
{End}
 
“Well, Lee! Feeling better?” Gai looked about for a moment, “… Lee?”
Kakashi snickered again.
“… Uh… Gai…” Temari frowned, “Gaara's gone, too…”
“NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Heheheheh…” Kakashi had to bury his face in his hands.
Iruka looked at him, puzzled, “What's so funny?”
“Hahaha… I'll tell you… later… HAHAHAHAHA!!!!”
“WWWWWHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!”
“Ugh…” Tenten rolled her eyes, “It's always one or the other…”
 
{Meanwhile}
 
(Again, for those of you that have queasy stomachs, here is the abridged version of the following scene:}
 
“… Sand.”
“Eh?!”
“Death to your suit.”
“EH?!”
“… Ah…”
“… ARGLE BARGLE!! SQUIRT!!”
“…? That's… odd.”
 
{Here's the real version … Uh… `Squirt,' Author 1?… Aren't you overdoing it? - Author 2}
 
As soon as Gaara closed the door behind Lee, he had the leaf ninja pinned to the wall, a feral look in his eyes that the other was not used to seeing.
“G-Gaara-san?” he gulped, tilting his head to the side to avoid the strange look he was being given. It was almost as if the Kazekage was in predator mode…
He paled as he felt a warm breath descend to his ear, capturing his attention and ensnaring him effectively, “Lee… I must apologize for what I'm about to do, but you seem to be in need of attention… you helped me once, and now it's time to return the favor.”
Lee shivered. “Uhm… wh-what is it that you have in mind?”
Gaara did not answer, and the leaf ninja squeaked as he was suddenly raised by the other's sand, being held- or more like having his wrists and ankles welded- to the wall. His eyes were wide as he found his torso at Gaara's eye level, and he couldn't help but squirm just a little bit. “G-Gaara-san?!”
“You told me earlier to ask Kakashi about molesting people,” replied the red-haired shinobi coolly, as if nothing was unusual, “so I did. This is what he told me to do.”
The Kazekage pulled out a kunai knife that Kakashi had given to him and began to make a long cut in Lee's suit, starting at the cuff at his wrist and slowly running it up the length of the arm, making sure that he didn't scratch the other's skin. He continued down the side of Lee's torso, although he was forced to stop when he came to the headband that the taijutsu specialist wore around his waist. It didn't bother him much, though, for he simply undid it with his free hand and let it fall to the floor with a dull clank.
Lee wiggled about as Gaara began to stroke his exposed chest. “Tha-that feels… it feels…”
“Yes…?” The other blinked as he continued to cut down Lee's thigh and leg.
“I-it feels… different… gahh…” He couldn't help but arch as the young Kazekage mirrored the same cut on the other side of Lee's body. Soon, Gaara was able to yank the suit off entirely and reveal the boy's splendid form, the boxers being the only article of clothing left upon him.
“…” At first, Gaara seemed to wonder how to get them off, for his eyes narrowed as he plucked at the material with his middle and forefinger. Then, as if he had never stopped at all, he quickly slashed them away as well, “Sorry about that, but we can have someone buy you new ones later. It was the only way I could get them off without letting you down.”
Lee flushed horribly as he watched the sand ninja's gaze drift to his twitching erection. “I… I…”
“Shhh…” It seemed as if Gaara was smiling. “It will feel… good, if that's what you call it.”
A hand caressed the inner thigh, idly raking its nails across the skin before drifting up and cupping one of Lee's hips, soon doing the other side in the same manner. Then a tongue flicked out to tease the tip of the naked member, tasting the leaking fluids that began to seep out.
“AHH!!” Lee moaned in content as he immediately arched and writhed at the other's touches, attempting to free himself from captivity, “Gaara-s-san!! I-it… t-that…!!”
All the other would utter was a grunt as his hands drifted down the backs of the Konohagakure resident's legs, making the boy cry out and thrust into Gaara's unexpecting mouth. The sand ninja blinked as his mouth was filled, and he kind of stood there with a blank expression, not knowing quite what to do at first. Kakashi had only said to `tease him a bit with the tongue,' not completely engulf the other student. Oh well, nothing could be done about that now.
Great… now what did he say to do? Something about… ah… what was it… ah… oh, damn it. Something about the tongue, something about the… the… ah… Gaara found that he couldn't quite remember, so instead he just began to suck on it, letting his tongue run up and down the sides of Lee's swollen shaft and occasionally dashing across the slit, making the one above him twitch and buck, moaning in pleasure.
Lee's face was severely flushed, as if it never had been the peachy tone it possessed on normal occasions, “G-G-Gaaraaaa… It… it is… I… I c-cannot… s-s-something… something is….” He continued to writhe desperately at the other's continuous sucking, feeling a waxing sensation building up in his abdomen. “P-please… it… I can f-feel it…”
Right… so when he says that… I'm supposed to… ah… was it `go harder' or `push harder' or something… ah… damn it… It would have been easier if Kakashi had talked to him normally without having all of the snickering fits in the middle of his explanation. It was especially hard to follow someone when they were laughing half the time. So, he just began to suck harder, and to his utter surprise, some strange liquid shot into his mouth as Lee emitted an impassioned scream, bucking a final time as he came prematurely and let it all out.
Gaara tried not to choke or sputter on it as he attempted to swallow whatever had been ejected into his mouth, jade eyes blinking quite a number of times as he released Lee's aching shaft from his hold. “What… what was that stuff?”
“Haa… haa… ugh… I… I do not… do not know,” gasped the ninja above him as he slid down, the sand returning to the Kazekage's gourd. Gaara caught him as he fell, “I… it felt… so nice…”
The other watched as he tried to regain his breath, “… It tasted weird…”
“Uhhh…” Lee wasn't able to say anything coherent, so instead, Gaara merely scooped the bare ninja up, nuzzling the side of his neck before carrying him to the bed, removing his robes and slipping under the covers with his leaf shinobi.
Neither of them said anything for a few moments. Lee snuggled up against the Kazekage, still gasping for breath.
“… You all right?”
“H-hai… I-I am fine…”
“… Are you... sure? Did… I hurt you at all?”
“N-no… no, I am not in… in any pain. I feel… it feels like a dream… some dream that I have had before.”
“… A dream that you've had before?”
“S-something like that…”
Lee said no more as his breath finally returned to normal and his eyes drooped, coming to a close while he drifted into a deep slumber. Gaara watched on in wonder, pondering how he had ever come to… to be with such a wonderful person… Maybe… just maybe, life was starting to look up for him.
 
{You are… weird, Author 1…-Author 2. Heh… he-heh… hur hurrrr…. -Author 1. Back in the main room…}
 
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!” Kakashi had been laughing uncontrollably for some time now.
“Kakashi, shut the hell up!” Tsunade smacked the back of his head.
“Ha… haha…” the copy ninja smirked, “Hey, Gai! Can I borrow some of your clothes?”
“NO!” Iruka snapped.
Gai blinked at Kakashi amid his tears, “I-I was j-joking…”
“Awwww….”
“So, anyway, what should we-”
“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!”
Kakashi fell into another fit of laughter as Gai's eyes widened in horror. “LEE!!! HE'S KILLING LEE!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!” The man sprinted to the door and twisted the knob fiercely, only to find the it locked (and reinforced with sand on the other side), “NOOOOO!!!!!!”
Kakashi collapsed, convulsing with hysterical mirth, unable to even make a sound. He writhed about the floor, his face twisted with glee as he had a silent laughing fit.
“KAKASHI!!!!” Gai turned to snarl at his rival, “HOW DARE YOU LAUGH!!!!”
Kakashi tried to speak, but only managed to flail one of his arms about.
“What's so funny?!” Tenten wailed, stricken.
“He's… he's… haha… they're…” but the jonin couldn't do it. He began rocking back and forth on the floor, holding his sides.
Kankuro blinked slowly, “… He's not…”
Kakashi nodded fervently, tears of delight falling from his eyes. Kankuro grinned evilly.
“Well, well… It took them long enough… heheh…” Temari looked rather queasy.
“What… what are you… t-talking about?” Gai stared at him.
“HAHAHAHA-mmff!!! Hmmhmm!!” Kakashi shoved his hand in his mouth to stifle his laughter.
Gai's face made a very strange series of rapid transformations, “… You… you didn't… when you and Gaara… what did you tell him?! WHAT IS HE DOING TO MY BOY?!”
“Oh, don't worry, Gai!” Kakashi gasped, “Gaara won't be tooooo cruel to Lee! HAHAHAHA!!!”
“AAAAHHHH!!!” Gai wailed, “NO!!! DOOR!! OPEN!!!!!”
Itachi snickered nastily, “The odd thing is that he didn't see this coming.”
“Agreed,” Tsunade rolled her eyes.
“WWWWWWWHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!”
 
{Some time later}
 
Gai wept quietly, hopelessly, in front of the door.
“You're too overprotective, Gai!” Jiraiya chuckled, “This was inevitable.”
“Y-yes… but with… him?!”
“Watch it, freak!” Temari glared at the jonin.
“No, seriously, Gai, this sort of thing would have happened sooner or later.”
“S-shut up,” Gai sobbed.
“Oh, come on! You should just be glad his first time wasn't with some 80-year old woman!”
Itachi stared at the sannin, “… How did you even come up with that example?”
“It's my job!” Jiraiya grinned, “I write the `Icha Icha Paradise' series!”
“Awesome books,” Kakashi nodded solemnly.
“… I flipped through one of those books out of curiosity once…” Iruka shuddered. “They're horrible!”
“Heeyy!”
“You know,” Gai growled, “Shockingly, this isn't cheering me up.”
“I know!” Jiraiya smirked evilly, “I'll sing for you!”
“NNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”
 
{My Humps}
 
Jiraiya: What you gonna do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
ANBU Chicks: My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)
 
Gai: … You… sick…

Jiraiya: I drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these-AAAAARRRRRGGG!!!
 
Tsunade and Gai simultaneously lay the pervert flat.
 
{End}
 
{Meanwhile}
 
{For those of you with uneasy stomachs, here is the abridged version of the following scene:}
 
“Kabuto, stop moving so much!”
“I-it hurts, milord…”
“Then hold still!”
“AGHH!!”
“… Sorry about that.”
“Whine…”
 
{Here's the real version}
 
“Kabuto, stop moving so much!” Orochimaru hissed as he pounded again into his servant.
The only response was a whimper. “But… but it hurts, milord…”
“Then hold still and wait for it to die down!” snapped the sannin as Kabuto whimpered again. He wondered why he was doing this with the other man anyway. Well… at least it was better than Anko… or- Orochimaru shuddered- Jiraiya…
“L-Lord Orochimaru… gah… AGHH!!” Kabuto grasped his lord's shoulders for support, gasping as he came all over the other's stomach. His eyes were slightly wide.
The snake-commander blinked as he pulled out, looking a bit flustered. “Eh… sorry about that.”
“Whine…”
 
{End of Abridged Scene}
 
The two emerged from their room soon after, both of them blinking as everyone else stared.
“What are you looking at?” Orochimaru glared at Iruka, who seemed to be gazing towards Kabuto.
The chuunin frowned. “I was thinking about asking Kabuto to do something for me.”
“Uh…” the medic tied his headband on tighter, “what do you need?”
Iruka got up from the floor and walked over to the other man, dragging him aside so that he could ask him in private. “You know how to perform a sleeping jutsu, right?”
“Yeah…” Kabuto blinked. “Why?”
“…” At first, Iruka seemed to cast his gaze over to Kakashi before returning to hiss, “I need you to perform your Nirvana Temple Jutsu on Kakashi.”
“… On Kakashi?” The sannin's servant followed the chuunin's gaze back over to the blissfully unaware jonin, who seemed to be asking Gai something. The rival seemed to not really care, as he was still sobbing lightly against the door. “Uh… sure. May I ask why…?”
“Revenge.”
Kabuto stared. “R-Revenge?”
“Exactly.”
“O-ok, if that's what you want…” the silver-haired genin got up and walked over to the jabbering Kakashi, making a few hand signs before whispering in the man's ear, “Nirvana Temple Jutsu!”
“Eh…?” Kakashi immediately yawned before slumping against Kabuto's front and falling into a deep slumber, unaware of his brunette's plans. The medic then stood and nodded to Iruka, who came over and scooped up the drowsy jonin.
“Thanks.” There was a malevolent grin plastered to the face that normally was in a state of panic or frustration, giving the chuunin's orbs a glimmer of… perhaps it was… perversion…?
Kabuto frowned as the chuunin strode off with Kakashi, “… Why do I get the feeling I just helped him do something very evil…?”
Orochimaru was smirking at the unconscious Jiraiya, “Laid him out again, eh, Tsunade?”
“He was being a pervert… again.” To everyone's surprise, Orochimaru shuddered in distaste.
“I would have helped you knock him out if I'd been around.”
Tsunade snorted, “I did have help; from Gai over there.” She gestured at the miserable jonin moaning on the floor.
“What happened to him?” Kabuto adjusted his glasses.
“He's upset because… well, you'll see soon enough, I suppose…” an odd glint flickered across her face.
“Ugh…” Orochimaru grimaced, staring back down at Jiraiya, “This is bringing back some rather unpleasant memories.”
“Really? It makes me think about money.”
The other sannin rolled his yellow orbs, “You're always thinking about money.”
“Well… yes, I am.”
Tenten blinked, “Neji's been gone for a long time…”
“Hey, what day of the week is it, Sakura?” Naruto inquired, “Being stuck in this building has screwed up my… uh… time-sense.”
“… Time… sense?” Sakura glared at him, “You dork… It's Friday.”
“F-Friday?!” Tsunade's eyes widened, “I'm missing payday!”
“Oh, great,” Orochimaru growled.
“-And I love payday! Love money… gambling… stuff…”
 
{Just Got Paid}
 
Orochimaru: Sad… It's been years and yet she hasn't changed at all…
 
Tsunade and ANBU Chicks: Thank god it's Friday night, and I ju- ju- ju- ju- just got paid!
 
ANBU Chicks: Getting money, money, money, money, money!
Getting money, money, money, money, money!
Getting money, money, money, money, money!
Getting money, money, money, money, money!
Tsunade: Yeah.... Oh!

Tsunade and ANBU Chicks: Just got paid, Friday night!
Party hopping, feeling right!
Booties shaking all around! Pump the jam, while I'm getting down!
 
Naruto: Did the Hokage just say what I think she said?
Everyone: …

Tsunade: Check the mirror, looking fly!
Round up the posse, jump in my ride!
Radio rocking hottest jam, feel the rhythm, pump up the sound!
Feeling so good!
 
Tsunade and ANBU Chicks: Don't you know just grooving to the beat!
Tsunade: Grooving yeah, grooving oh oh oh oh!

Tsunade and ANBU Chicks: Just got paid, Friday night!
Party hopping, feeling right!
Booties shaking all around! Pump that jam, while I'm getting down!

ANBU Chicks: Yo, people say my solo was impossible but when I get up on that mic I am!
Unstoppable and it's probable when you hear voices laid down!
You'll be bopping your head to this ill tight sound!
You never thought you have me plaid (paid)!
Check is in the mail I got it made (made)!
When you notice my smile it like Kool-aid `cause I just got paid!

Tsunade: On the phone, rocking to the beat… all ways sure look sweet!
Fine gentleman standing by, come on baby, sweet eye delight!
ANBU Chicks: I love the way that you move!
Tsunade and ANBU Chicks: Say you look so sweet when you're moving to the beat!
Tsunade: I'm tired of all of these boring parties, baby, why don't we get on down,
Let's get on down!
Tsunade and ANBU Chicks: Let's get on down!
 
Everyone: …

Tsunade and ANBU Chicks: Just got paid, Friday night!
Party hopping, feeling right!
Booties shaking all around! Pump that jam, while I'm getting down!

Tsunade: Say ho!
ANBU Chicks: Say ho!
Tsunade: Say ho ho!
ANBU Chicks: Say ho ho!
Tsunade: Say ho ho ho!
ANBU Chicks: Say ho hooooh!

Tsunade and ANBU Chicks: Just got paid, Friday night!
Party hopping, feeling right!
Booties shaking all around! Pump that jam, while I'm getting down!
Just got paid, Friday night!
Party hopping, feeling right!
Booties shaking all around! Pump that jam, while I'm getting down!
I'm getting down (down, yeah)!
Tsunade: Ah, I'm broke!
 
{End… Ugh…}
 
{Meanwhile}
 
{I'll write the abridged version, since Author 1 forgot to… -Author 2}
 
*Poke*
“Wha? … NNNOOOOO!!!”
“Heheheh… Look at this…”
“NNNOOOOOO!!!!”
“MUHAHAHAHA!!!”
“ARGLE BARGLE!!!!”
 
{Um… Yeah… yeah… heh…}
 
“A THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH!!”
“EAGGHH!!”
Kakashi's eyes snapped open, large and intense as he searched around for what had just promptly poked him in the butt. And to his utter horror…
He, the great Copy Ninja Kakashi Hatake, was tied fast to the headboard with a very smug-looking Iruka lingering over him with the hungriest look in his eyes that he'd ever seen, one that Kakashi wouldn't soon forget.
“I-Iruka! What a pleasure to see you!” The jonin gave off a sheepish smile.
The brunette seemed to ignore it, for the look in his eyes only grew as he climbed off of the other and walked into the bathroom. He seemed to be looking for something that he needed, and it was only a few minutes before he returned with a bottle of some strange substance and a well-made vibrator… It was already covered with the jelly from the bottle, and the way it covered the plastic made it look like a strange sort of candy.
The prisoner's eyes widened considerably at the sight of the familiar object, “W-wait, Iruka! Uh… wait! W-wait! Can't we just talk about this for a second?”
“Sure,” smiled the chuunin sweetly as he then sat on the bed. “What do you want to talk about?”
All the man could muster was a pleading whimper, “Irukaaa… this isn't fair!”
“Not fair, huh? Hmm, let me think for a moment. Was it exactly fair when you left me covered in pudding for two hours? Was it fair when you started spraying me with whipped cream? Or how about the gummi worms? That was fair to you? I sit and wait, cold and horny, while you go and use the bathroom and stuff your face? You call that fair? HUH?!”
“B-but, please… this is…”
“Kakashi, I told you that I was going to have my revenge. The time has come…” The chuunin grinned in an almost maniacal manner, his pupils shrinking to mere slits. “You're going to feel the torture you cast upon me!”
“I-Iruka, wait!”
“Just consider this… the moment where we bind ourselves together for eternity. After this, you won't be able to leave me alone ever again!”
Kakashi whimpered as Iruka drew closer, knowing that whatever was going to come would most likely be a very long session of torture and suffering. Under normal circumstances, he would have performed an escape jutsu, but Iruka had been devious enough to tie one of his hands to one side of the headboard, and the other to the opposite side, keeping him from doing any jutsus what so ever.
Then he felt the plastic toy slip into his twitching entrance, holding back a groan as it slid in without any pain. The other made sure to push it in until it touched that one spot that made Kakashi thrash; his prostate, his sweet spot. Only then did he turn it on.
“Gahh… gahh-haa!!” gasped the jonin, twisting in an attempt to free himself from the object that began to heat his insides. He recognized the type of lubricant Iruka had used, and only then did he pale as he remembered its properties. It was the kind that retained body heat extremely well… “Haaaa… haaa…”
“Now,” smirked the chuunin as he began to stroke Kakashi right above his swelling erection, tracing the rock-hard abs with his fingers, “this is the part where we sit and wait.”
“GAAAHHH!!” The scream echoed throughout the building.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
Tsunade blinked as she turned to look at the silver-haired jonin's door. “That sounded like Kakashi…”
“Heheh…” Kabuto paled a bit. “Well… I'd say he's about to get a taste of his own medicine.”
Everyone made some sort of face or another.
“You… almost feel bad for him…” Kankuro smirked.
“… Almost.” Temari nodded.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
Gaara was facing off against Rock Lee, his sand swirling about him. Lee was doomed. The demon within Gaara had managed to gain a slight amount of control over him at the scent of the other's blood, and now it desired the boy's death at that very moment more than anything else in the world.
Gaara's face twisted into an evil, hungry visage of murderous intent, a half-crazed grin flashing across his features. Lee's large eyes widened in horror as he watched sand crumble away from the desert ninja's body. Everyone in the room could feel the sheer blood lust radiating from him.
Gaara caught sight of the proctor for a moment: Hayate was his name. His eyes were calculating, trying to decide if he should stop the fight or not to protect the clearly out-matched taijutsu specialist.
But he's dead… Gaara thought absently, … He's dead, and Shukaku is gone from me… and I won this fight over two years ago…
 
Gaara's eyes shot open. He would not have been particularly upset, but for the fact that he remembered the outcome of that battle. He hadn't just defeated Lee; He had crushed him, and enjoyed every moment of it.
“Damn it!” he hissed.
Lee stirred in his sleep beside him. The Kazekage suppressed a shudder and forced himself to lie back down.
 
{Meanwhile}
 
“Look!” Tenten pointed across the room, “Isn't that…”
“The proctor?!” All of the young ninja who had been in the chuunin exams stared at Hayate.
 
{End of Part 3! YEAH!!! WE'RE ON FIRE!!!! - Author 2}