Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Secret Love ❯ Hurt ( Chapter 8 )

Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story. …   　 Hurt   < p>I’d let myself go. Somewhere along the line I’d given myself away. After some time here I had begun to feel for them, all of them and after that time I had thought of them as friends. I had believed that maybe things weren’t always as blank as I saw them and maybe life wasn’t all a pattern of blood and betrayal. Maybe I could live here, build a new purpose for myself here. I was wrong.

I was wrong to think that, even for a moment. I was wrong for ever letting such emotions control me in any way. I was wrong for bonding with them and most of all I was wrong for trusting them.

I was wrong for trusting him.

Never again.

I remember arriving at Riki’s. Naruto complained - as usual - about my going over to his. I ignored him as I left him in the bar; I still didn’t know why Naruto had such a grudge against Riki. As far as I was concerned there was nothing wrong with him. He was better than everyone else in the village.

I remember arriving there when it was still daylight. The house was so warm in contrast to the snowy outdoors and I took my shoes off automatically, knowing from previous visits that his mother liked shoes to be left at the door. So domestic. I’d snorted aloud when I first was told. His sister was the one who let me in; a sweet girl who loved pink, but I showed myself to his room.

I remember the bottles. He had lined them all up in order of height. Alcohol. I’d never asked where he got it from or how he managed to sneak it past his parents. I knew he would be in trouble if his father found out. His father was seriously strict. I smirked and placed myself on the floor across from him. He was leaning against his bed, a half empty bottle resting in one hand while he picked little pork sausages off a plate to the side. His mother liked making snacks for when his friends came round. According to his sister he didn’t have many friends so I supposed his mother must like me.

I remember there was music playing. It was a rock band - something I had never thought of before coming to Riera. But music was something I needed to think of now, for my studies if nothing else. Riki’s music was always low, soft in the background and I could always hear myself think over it. I’m not sure why I enjoyed spending evenings at Riki’s. He was ordinary and totally civilian and yet time flew quickly whenever I was with him.

I remember we spoke of his sister, how she had taken interest in a boy at school and how Riki hated him. He told me how she would talk about this boy, how she and her friends would go out at the same time as he did just to see him. How it made Riki’s blood boil just thinking of his baby sister going off with some stranger. I had found that amusing.

I remember we spoke of education, how each of us were doing. Riki didn’t go to the same building we did. He was in the third; the one for specialised teaching. He was doing something to do with cake decorating. I had smirked at him and teased.

I remember we spoke of the bar, how he liked it better since the improvements and how he still wished he didn’t have to work at all. He said work was a ‘trivial’ thing and only useful to get things you want. Money. He had laughed and mocked.

I remember we spoke of who should ask his mother for sandwiches after the sausages were all eaten. Riki had been nominated; I didn’t handle alcohol so well - wasn’t so used to it. We feared discovery and changed the music.

I remember we sang along to songs, jumping and rolling on the bed, throwing pillows and posing dramatically while his sister complained of the noise. We had to stay quieter after dark - in this neighbourhood it would be rude not to.

I remember lying on my back on the floor, watching as Riki rolled around, his laughter low but loud - contagious. I had shaken to control my own giggles.

I remember things had turned a little serious for a moment when we realised we were almost out of drink. Five empty bottles stared at us and only a few remained full. For a little while we had stared at each other, feeling the drama of the situation.

I remember laughing again. More than I ever remember laughing before. His father had warned us through the door that he and the mother were retiring to bed and he assured us that we would want to keep ourselves quiet from now on. It had made us laugh more, though we did tend to stifle some.

I remember him telling me something he’d never told anyone before, he said. I had watched him pull a razor out from under his bedside table. I had seen him draw it to his arm and cut.

I remember questioning; I had asked the why’s and what’s and when’s and Riki had answered as best he could in the state he was in by then. I had been asked to try it myself.

I remember refusing, why would I? I didn’t see the attraction. It seemed contradictory and lacking in any positive attributes, or so I think I thought. I was growing confused by then. And a drunken mind is easily swayed and I was persuaded.

I remember the blood, it had flowed carefully and neatly down my arm, catching at the tips of my fingers and dripping onto the towel we had laid out messily on the floor. The sting had come shortly after, hot and sharp and annoying. We had collected plasters and laughed again when they were too small.

I remember we went to sneak out with the last bottle, we planned on drinking it up on the roof. We had a plan, a safe strategy on how to get up there; we would climb his garden shed.

I remember stars and hard ground.

Then I remember the cold and harsh, angry shouts, hushed slightly but nevertheless frightening.

I remember pain in my arm when Naruto grabbed it, fury and fear in his face.

I remember it was dark. Too dark. I wanted to see. I didn’t know where anything was.

I remember thinking Naruto would look after me, no matter how vile the notion seems to me now.

I remember realising just how vulnerable I had made myself when I fell for a second time, or maybe it was a first time. No, it was a second.

I remember Naruto shouted at me again and something broke.

I remember being against a wall, Naruto was far too close and my hands were on his chest, sweaty.

I remember it was hot, Too hot. Naruto was too close to me.

I remember being on the bed. Still too hot and growing more by the minute.

I remember Naruto above me and moving. I was moving too.

I remember thinking, still, that he was going to help me.

I remember what came next. The discomfort. The pain.

I remember I grabbed and screamed.

I remember Naruto covered my mouth with his hand.

I remember the tears. After a while, when the moving stopped and things grew silent.

I remember my shame, my embarrassment, but I still didn’t understand what had happened.

I remember my hands were on my face, hiding, I had sobbed so much.

I remember his eyes, wet and blue, so blue.

I remember him kissing my hands, like I was something special.

The bastard.

The morning was even worse. When I had woken I was first crushed by the pain; all over me and so, so much. Naruto had been beside me, asleep and looking peaceful and quiet. My face felt sticky and it was then that I remembered. I couldn’t remember everything, I admit. But it was enough. Enough to know what had happened, enough to realise what he’d done.

I peeled myself from the bed, the covers sticking to my naked body in such a vulgar way. If anything could have affected me more it was the dirt. The blood I could deal with. Obviously I had bled, I could feel that I had bled. But it was something else. There was more than just blood and I had never felt so humiliated in my entire existence.

I had gone straight to the bathroom, intent on cleaning myself and hiding from what had happened. But when I got there I realised that there was no lock on the door. If I moved to the shower to wash then he could get in. I couldn’t let him in. So I had sat there on the bathroom floor, blocking the entrance and I had stared at the wall ahead of me.

I didn’t cry, god no, I’d done that enough the night before. But I felt it, the feeling and much, much more. Everything crashed down onto me and I felt helpless and stupid because I had done it myself. I had allowed this place to change me. I had ignored it, every time I saw what was becoming of me I had pushed it aside. I had let down my defences and this was what I got in return.

Betrayed by the closest person I had left. He called himself my best friend…my brother! That bastard!

But I couldn’t even find it in myself to feel angry at him, because it was my own fault. I’d let him get close to me. I’d let him in. Just like all the others. And now I was suffering for it. But not again. Never again. I would not feel this again. I would be rid of this feeling and every feeling. I would be numb. I would be numb.

I would be numb.

　 …  

…Yeah. It’s very short but it’s meant to be that way. It needed to be on it’s own. Sasuke needed the space lol

Sorry if you don’t really get what happened and the reason he didn’t remember everything is cause he was drunk, just to clarify in case anybody didn’t see that.

Erm…yeah…if you were wanting a better lemon scene than that then sorry to let you down. It’s not the only lemon scene in this story anyway but I felt it needed to be the way it was.

And if Sasuke didn’t seem himself it was due to the drink and the constant changing that has been going on in him.

Hope you enjoyed!

Xx..xX