Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ The Travesty of Naruto ❯ Chapter 2

Travesty of Naruto!!

 

Title: The Travesty of Naruto
Author: kajamiku and balafeo
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: Um... I'll get back to you XDD
Warnings: yaoi and yuri pairings, possible death from laughter
Summary: A completely mad self-insert that is supposed to be a humorous as possible. We make fun of practically everyone (even ourselves XD), and pair up whoever we feel like. There are also two MPREGs eventually too ^^ Keep in mind that we're planning to change the first chapter, so it might well be re-posted later. Enjoy!

 

 

 

[The next morning]

 

`Feo still wasn't speaking to Sasuke and Naruto, much to Naruto's obvious unhappiness. “It's not like we left you on your own…” Naruto said, pouting. “Didn't I see you leave with Neji?” Sasuke interrupts. `Feo sends him a tragic look then smiles all starry eyed. “He was my hero!” Naruto pouts. “Can you forgive us then? I'll treat you to some ramen.” He says, eyes all puppy-like. `Feo hugs them to the point of crushing. “Okay! Now let's go find Kaja!”

 

[At Kakashi's]

 

“Come back later!” `Feo exchanges looks with the group around her. “Why?” she calls, tapping on the door again.

 

A rather tired looking Kakashi opens the door, receiving dirty looks from his ex-students. Sakura taps her foot on the ground, looking at his blood-shot eye. “Well, what's your excuse Kakashi-sensei?” Kakashi rubs the back of his head and replied cheerfully. “She thrashed me at poker about a hundred times and now I don't have any clothes left to bet with…”

 

**

 

Kakashi, now borrowing some of Gai's clothes, and not looking very happy about it, was leading the mob of Chuunins to the training ground.

 

Kakashi and Gai stood together, and Kakashi spoke above the noise. “Hokage-sama has informed me that you twelve will be teaching Kaja and `Feo in the ways of the Shinobi. Please split up into teams of six, one will teach one, one the other. I will chose which team teaches who.” He said, eye sparkling.

 

The teams split thus, Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Hinata, Neji and Lee in one team and Gaara, Choji, Ino, Shino, Kiba and Shikamaru in the other.

 

“Okay Naruto's team you get Gai as your Jounin and your student is `Feo,” Kakashi's gaze caught Kaja as he continued, “and Shikamaru your team will have me as your Sensei and will be teaching Kaja. You may begin.”

 

After ten minutes of gruelling training Kaja was now sat at the side by `Feo. “That's the most exercise I've had in years!”

 

`Feo nodded in full agreement. “I think it may kill me…” She looked over to her team. “Naruto and Sasuke keep `training', if you ask me it just seems to be an excuse for them to touch each other up…”

 

Kaja spies Gaara with his back to her and gets a mischievous look as she prowls over to him. At the last second she jumps towards him, only to find herself thrown backwards by a giant wall of sand… though she didn't look discontented by who caught her.

 

“Kakashi-sensei!” Kaja grinned, but glanced back at Gaara with a frown. “Um… is it unusual for walls of sand to suddenly jump up from nowhere?” Kakashi's good eye smiled.

 

“Not really.” Gaara seemed to have noticed what had happened, but seemed more concerned with the fact that Kakashi had yet to put Kaja down. He promptly did so, once he realised this.

 

Over at the other side of the training area, `Feo was practicing with multiple kunai, spurred on by Gai's enthusiasm to wield more than one at a time. Picking up a collection and sending the watching Shinobi a nervous glance, `Feo threw the kunai, missing the targets by some metres and hearing them all thud randomly into trees and bushes. A sudden yelp caught everyone's attention…

 

…leading them to find Jiraiya pinned to the tree by the kunai in a position that could rival most pretzels. “Ero-sennin! You pervert! Were you watching them again?” Naruto exclaimed, gesticulating wildly and accidentally knocking Ino to the ground.

 

“Wow! That was brilliant `Feo! Even though you're not of our village, and not of our ways, you still managed to sense his presence and launch an impressive attack! You will make an excellent Shinobi!” Everyone made sounds and gestures of agreement, wandering back to the training ground leaving Jiraiya pinned to the tree without a second thought.

 

Kaja waited with `Feo for a moment, turning and fixing her with a knowing look. “…That was an accident wasn't it.”

 

“Yes.”

 

**

 

[…Yes, you know what I'm going to say… Some time later…]

 

In the afternoon, everyone invaded Gai's house; making the excuse that it was one of the biggest and emptiest houses any of them owned.

 

“Shhhhhh… Do you guys here that?” Ino whispered, startling the exploring nins into pausing. “Hear what?” Sakura blinked, tilting her head as everyone went silent to listen. In the midst of exploring Gai's house while he was out, they had entered a large bedroom wondering about the contents of Gai's room and the giant eyebrow tweezers he was rumoured to possess, but obviously rarely used.

 

“Yeah, I hear it too… voices…” Kiba moved further into the room, followed by the large throng of people.

 

“Ahhh, that's so nice…. It's so soft and squishy. Let me suck on it, please!” There was a slight wide-eyed pause before the voice added, “it tastes so good, I want more!” Kaja looked as if she were trying to suppress a smile as a new voice cut in above the first, “you are so loud, do you think everyone is deaf?”

 

“Isn't… isn't that Gaara's voice?”

 

“Ahhh….oooohhhh… mmmmm… This is so wrong, so dirty, so deceitful; if Sasuke knew I was doing this he would be so mad… Though I wish I'd done it sooner…”

 

While Kaja snickered `Feo looked at everyone else horrified, seeing the mixed looks of knowing and realisation on their faces. Everyone slowly turned to look at Sasuke, who now stood with his back to them…

 

“Here it comes…” Neji said in a low voice.

 

Very slowly, Sasuke lifted his head and turned stiffly to face the group, his expression half hidden by his hair…

 

There was an exchange of nervous glances as everyone prepared for the mass destruction that was to come. His shoulders moved in what looked to be a state of hysteric chuckling.

 

Sasuke's head snapped up, revealing his face for everyone to see… there was a sharp intake of breath.

 

“Naruto…” A pause. “How could you do this to me?!” A resounding wail filled the room before Sasuke dashed half-blindly from it, his hands attempting to cover his tear-streaked features.

 

As Sasuke ran through the streets, he soon heard a familiar voice following him. “Sasuk-ee? What's wrong with you, dearest brother?” Itachi tore after Sasuke, arms flailing as he kept pace with him. “Are you mad at me?” He cried. “I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I just tripped while holding a kunai… multiple times… I'm sorry!”

 

A moment of silence hung in the room as Sasuke's howling faded away, and then Sakura turned towards the cupboard.

 

“How dare you…! How absolutely dare you…!” Sakura growled, eyes burning as she stomped across the room, watched by the group, as she punched the cupboard door in.

 

Kaja gave a high-pitched whistle. “Wow, talk about being a drama queen…” `Feo sent her a clear `as-if-you-can-talk' look.

 

As the copious amounts of dust cleared, everyone peered pervertedly into the broken closet. Inside, they found Naruto clutching rather desperately to Gaara's shirt, eyes wide, as he leant into the sand-nin, his hands clinging to the large packet Gaara was holding.

 

Everyone watched the marshmallow fall from his bottom lip to the floor.

 

Shino cleared his throat and voiced the thoughts of everyone. “Shit.”

 

**

 

Sasuke curled his arm around the now rather spent Naruto, murmuring words of endearment as he pressed his forehead against his lovers.

 

“Oi, have you seen `Feo, the bitch is missing…. I thought I heard her say something about seeing the greatest beauty in existence. I think she has been spending too much time with that white eyed weirdo of hers…” Kaja said, completely unconcerned that there were two naked ninjas currently trying desperately to cover up in front of her. “Oh, don't stop on my behalf. Make-up sex is an important part of a healthy relationship.”

 

“I agree whole heartedly! And don't call Neji a weirdo!” Said a mysterious yet familiar voice from within the bushes…

 

“Ha! I knew I would find you here! You are so predictable, you pervert.” Kaja said, talking to the bush in question.

 

`Feo emerged looking rather sheepish, sending non-too sly glances at the two half naked teens that she had been ogling.

 

“H-how long were you watching us for?” Naruto stammered, nervously cuddling up closer to Sasuke.

 

“Only long enough to hear his adorable pet name…” `Feo replied grinning inanely.

 

Sasuke eyed her wearily, “How about, if I don't kill you that name will never be mentioned again.” `Feo nodded in agreement, trying to keep the smile from her lips.

 

`Feo begins to walk away while Kaja remains rooted to the spot deep in contemplation… “Really, if you think about this wisely, if you killed her she wouldn't be able to mention it anyway…”

 

“TRAITOR!” `Feo yells as Sasuke begins to chase after her.

 

Naruto turns to Kaja and grins, “I wonder when Sasuke will realise he's still naked.”

 

**

 

[Guess what's coming… That's right! It's night time; this time at Ino's house]

 

Tenten was beginning to have serious doubts about the suggestion of this evening's choice of entertainment… namely karaoke. She was currently listening to Tsunade-sama singing “Po-wer of Lov-veeeee!” Badly, she might add.

 

Naruto was pushing Shikamaru as best he could towards the mic, while Jiraiya was dragging the swearing and overly drunk Hokage from the stage.

 

The evening progressed as follows; Shikamaru being forced to sing, `I'm wicked and I'm lazy', followed by Choji bellowing out `Perfect 10' which gained some lewd remarks from Ino, who decided to follow up with `You're the one that I want.'

 

Lee enthusiastically forced his team into participating; well all except Tenten who feigned an illness so she could sit back and watch for the first time Neji make a fool of himself… Gai, in his usual exuberant manner decided to spur his team on by going first. “Do not worry if you are not as good as me, you are still in the springtime of your youth and therefore all efforts you will make will be worth it. But remember this important thing; if nothing else… we must beat Kakashi's team!”

 

Kaja mutters from the crowd, “When did this become a competition?” Only to receive the nice guy pose from Gai, and swiftly mimicked a few seconds after by his younger clone.

 

Gai began his rendition of what the crowd, after a brief discussion, decided to be the song, `I'm too sexy for my shirt', and began a chant of “No you're not! Put it back on! Put it back on!” which unfortunately went ignored. Neji, after receiving a bit of `persuasion' from `Feo began a none too shabby version of `Eye of the Tiger', Lee ended their team's turn with a sweetly sung `This one goes out to the one I love,' which when finished caused Sakura to practically choke him to death with the power of her hug…. A positive result there then.

 

Kiba took the mic with a large grin plastered on his face, and Akamaru planted on his head, Akamaru gave a small yap of delight as Kiba barked out `Who let the dogs out' a few people, Kaja and `Feo included fled the room in horror. Hinata stood in front of everyone for a few seconds, before she ran and Shino took centre stage, `Smile like you mean it' went down a storm.

 

Jiraiya, after disposing of Tsunade, hopped up onto the stage and began to do a strange dance while not only deafening but also scaring most of the population of Konoha with `Blow my whistle baby'. Orochimaru, not to be outdone by the other two sennin took to the stage, running his tongue around the mic before eyeing Kaja and Sasuke and began `I put a spell on you'; Sasuke paled, and Kaja fainted in delight. Kabuto forced his way to the platform in order to reinstate his obsession by singing `Can't take my eyes off of you'. Itachi's drunken version of `Smooth Criminal', was beautifully enhanced by the incredible dance that accompanied it, and Ebisu managed to muscle in on the action with `I linger in the doorway', very fitting for the closet pervert.

 

Kimimaru made a surprise appearance and had his five minutes of fame with `Bring me to life'.

 

The sand squad, Temari, Kankuro and Gaara, gave “interesting” performances with `I'll make a man out of you', `Like a puppet on a string', and `The Monster Mash' respectively.

 

Kakashi was next, his good eye crinkling as he pulled out a fan and sang `Masquerade' in a surprisingly good voice. Naruto shoved Kakashi and Kaja, who was now clinging to his arm, off the stage and while looking at Sasuke belted out `When you're gone' which he ended by punching Sasuke in the face and screaming “You bastard, you left me!” Supporting a now rather black bruised eye Sasuke took to the stage to give his all in `At first I was afraid' in a voice which caused Kaja to throw things at him in jealously. Sakura, who was now glaring daggers at Kaja took front stage with `Every move you make'… Sasuke promptly left the building.

 

**

 

As the night wore on, everyone became increasingly drunk and havoc causing, though everyone was surprised when Lee began to act… a little stranger than usual.

 

“Argh! Someone stop him!” Kiba shrieked, dodging haphazardly around the room as he was chased by a not-so-sober-looking taijutsu expert. He had been previously sitting on a stool beside Kaja and `Feo, so this was naturally where Gai began his investigation… while everyone else attempted to tackle the rampaging boy to the ground, in order to stop him from bringing down the entire building.

 

Gai did a double take at the amount of bottles littering the table, staring at `Feo and Kaja with a twitching bushy eyebrow. “Ooh no! You got him drunk?” He exclaimed, eyeing the empty glasses. `Feo tilted her head. “Yeah, he was the only one sober; it seemed a shame.” She seemed completely unaware of Konoha's green beast tearing up furniture and randomly knocking people unconscious, swaying unsteadily on his feet. Kimimaru fled the room screeching; “Not again!”

 

`Feo and Kaja turned around, surveying the scene with interest as Lee grabbed Shikamaru around the waist and began to use him as a human battering ram. Kaja made a dismissive gesture with one hand, as she picked up another bottle. “Eh, it makes the party more interesting anyway.”

 

Gai had a bit of a panic attack before he dashed across the room to help everyone attempt to prise Lee from the beer tap.

 

TBC