Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Thicker than Blood ❯ To Go Back or to Move Forward ( Chapter 3 )

Thicker than Blood

 

Disclaimer: as Sakura says it in this chapter “Life is cruel and you don't always get what you want.”

 

Chapter Warning: angst and lemon ahead… you have been warned for a reason. (Cha! Who reads chapter warnings anyway?!)

 

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Chapter 3: Tears of a Lonely Woman

 

Sakura… (part2)

 

It took me a few minutes to gather my senses and calm myself down. I wiped my tears away with a shaking hand and my cries turned to momentary whimpers. He was patient, something I never thought of him to be. It surprised me and I wondered what else goes behind that solemn mask of his. I snuggled closer to him and wondered why… for such a cold blooded killer… does he feel so god damn warm. He was said to be heartless yet he showed me more sympathy than anyone I knew. He was a killer but he brought me back to life.

 

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my cheek to his chest. I could not help but think that this was exactly where I was meant to be, in his arms. He lived with no regrets while mine tortured me. He was isolated while I yearned for closeness. The world hated him and I hated the world.

 

His hand stroked the length of my spine sending shivers all the way down to my toes. I instantly remembered I was naked. A blush suddenly tainted my cheeks and I tried to cover my nude condition as best as I could without knowing why. Certainly, he had seen me naked before and I asked myself why I was acting like a silly virgin.

 

The blush did not go unnoticed.

 

His hand cupped my cheek and tilted my head towards him, the thumb caressing the corner of my lips. I could feel the heat of his touch when it outlined the edges in feather light caresses before lowering his lips unto mine. He was gentle as he sucked and bit on my lower lip and I literally felt my heart melt. His tongue swept through my lips before slightly parting through them, asking for entrance when he needn't ask at all. His probing tongue stroked mine and I responded shyly to his experience. I moaned against his mouth when his hand pressed my body and molded it to his, my breasts rubbing against his naked chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he filled me with sensations that made me weak and lightheaded. I tilted my head and he kissed me deeper, the hand on my nape holding me in place as he filled me with sensual delight. He kissed me with painful gentleness that I never knew he was capable of. The world was spinning around, caught in a whirlwind of emotions with us in the middle of it all.

 

It truly felt like being kissed for the first time.

 

He left my lips and I whimpered at the lost of contact.

 

“I am not Sasuke.” He said as he kissed my forehead. “Do you still want me?”

 

I looked at him adoringly. No, he was not Sasuke… and it was perfectly fine with me.

 

“Yes, Itachi.” his name rolled from my lips with such familiarity. “More than ever.”

 

He picked me up and carried me to the spot where his coat was and laid me on it gently.

 

His masculine scent filled my nostrils and I savored it as best as I could. He quickly covered my bare body with his own, pressing closer than ever before that not even shadows could pass between our heated bodies. He parted my thighs with his knees and settled himself between them and I welcomed him amorously. I felt his hard erection rub against my thigh, evidence of the passion he kept under restraint and I marveled at how much discipline he had over his desire whereas I was nowhere near the word sane with mine.

 

All thoughts were suddenly forgotten when he kissed me again. His pace was strong and determined and I tried to keep up with him but I could only whimper and moan against his mouth. His soft lips trailed south and sucked at my neck all the way down to my breasts. His hands kneaded my tender swell while he rubbed the tips with his thumb eliciting a breathy sigh from my lips. I thrashed my head to the sides, the fire of my unsatisfied body from awhile ago returned with a vengeance. When he sucked on my rosy peaks, I had to bite my lip and clutch onto the cloak beneath me to keep from shouting aloud. He rolled his tongue on my hardened tips while biting on it gently and I unconsciously arched my back with a sobbed like a wounded thing.

 

His lips returned to my face and he nibbled at my earlobe for a while. He probed my ear with his tongue making me gasp at the sensation that made my skin crawl.

 

I felt him smile against my cheek as he said promisingly, “I will not disappoint you this time.”

 

“You better not.” I pulled him in for a kiss and pressed my hips to his groin and feel his erection… just to make sure.

 

His hand stroked me in all the right places and I shifted my body to allow him better access. His fingers worked their magic leaving goosebumps all over my skin. I heard him moan in appreciation when I arched my back and pressed my breasts to his chest and began to rub against him. He pushed me down with the weight of his masculine body while his hand drifted to the sides, running up and down my ribcage in an excruciatingly slow pace. I bit him hard on the shoulder in return and he hissed in pleasure and pain.

 

He kissed his way down to my neck and breasts all the way to the flatness of my stomach and hips. I ran my fingers through his silky hair and asked… no… demanded for more contact. He was doing all these pleasurable things to me and I was so caught up in it that I didn't even notice him taking the rest of his clothing off.

 

A finger slipped inside me and I instinctively pumped myself on it. Finally, he was giving me what I wanted. He stroked me again and again, pressing his thumb against my bud and drawing whimpers and moans from my lips. I shut my eyes tight as I let it all sink in, my whole body focused only in the attainment of pleasure. I tried to move and grind myself against him but his other hand pressed on my hips and kept me in place. I was at his mercy as he pumped his fingers inside of me, moving in faster and faster with each thrust.

 

When I suddenly felt his mouth suck eagerly at my breast, I thought I had lost my mind and let out a feral groan. I writhed beneath him as his mouth sucked in rhythm with his hand. My own shaking hand traveled all over him, encouraging his gratifying ministrations on my flushed body.

 

I almost cried with disappointment when his fingers left me but then I felt the hardened tip of his member push against my entrance. I pressed back with eagerness, wanting to feel him deep inside me but he held my hips with both hands and restrained my body. He promised he would not disappoint me but this entire prelude… all this anticipation building up to this one moment was driving me crazy. My heart was racing uncontrollably and I was trembling from all the suspense that I could barely breathe. I leaned back with my eyes closed and waited for him to take action.

 

“Open your eyes, Sakura.” he whispered breathily. “I want you to look at me when I enter you.”

 

Even the way he said it was enough to make me gasp. I kept my jaded eyes focused on his black ones as he pushed himself inside me, intolerably slow. A deep look of concentration was on his face as he struggled not to thrust in hard and fast but I clearly saw the lust in his onyx eyes. I clenched my teeth together and tried to keep my eyes on him but I just couldn't do it with all the pleasurable sensations that raked though my body. I rolled back my head and closed my eyes tight.

 

“Look at me.” he gave my shoulder a gentle shake and he pushed in deeper after I complied.

 

I gripped on his shoulders painfully when he finally sheathed himself fully inside me. My mouth fell open but I could only gasp when I felt him deep in me, firm and hard, his size almost a caress unto itself. I held my breath for a moment to let it all sink in. He started a slow rhythm as he rocked his hips with mine and all I could do was whine and grab on the masculine body on top of me.

 

I felt his control waver when I drew him in for a searing kiss. He buckled on top of me, grinding his pelvis onto mine with a loud groan against pursed lips. He cradled my head in one hand, tugged at my hair gently to one side and attacked my neck violently with his lips and tongue. He bit hard on the sensitive flesh and sucked on it aggressively, leaving a scarlet mark along my neckline. I was angry at first but a small part of me relished the thought of him claiming me in that sense. He was in control and I was completely at his mercy as he drove in and out of me. I never knew total surrender could be so rewarding.

 

I wanted to scream and cry when he finally picked up the pace and slammed hips with mine, the slickness between us sounded so arousing that I felt my blood boil with lust. He pulled out completely before crashing his hips against me, over and over again until I screamed my pleasure shamelessly. He moved up and down on me, his chest pounded on my breasts with each thrust. The feeling of being totally consumed was too overpowering to comprehend. I was possessed by an innate consciousness that seek out pleasure in its purest, most uninhibited form. I crossed my legs around his torso and pulled him in into a faster, deeper pace. I reached for him and gently ran my fingers through his silky hair…

 

And then I saw it…

 

And I felt all blood drain out of my body in an instant…

 

I thought I was free… that I was unrestrained and liberated from the heavy chains that bound my body and imprisoned my heart when I slipped through the door earlier and left the thought of Sasuke behind it. I thought I had cried it all out of me…

 

But there it was, gleaming bright under the moonlight…

 

The heaviest shackle of all…

 

The ring around my finger…

 

A livid choke was trapped inside my throat and I couldn't breathe. I suddenly felt claustrophobic beneath him. The thought of my betrayal and deception… not so much of Sasuke but more for myself… made me sick to my stomach. It made me so nauseous that I wanted to vomit.

 

I thought I could do this every night and not feel any remorse for it. I thought I was numb enough…but the fact was that… I was still human.

 

Tears started to fall from my eyes. I saw myself writhing beneath him like a crazed animal and I felt ashamed. My honor, which was all I had left, was shattered along with my integrity as a woman.

 

My body turned to lead and my mind stopped working. I forgot to breathe while I stared at the canopy of trees above without really seeing any of it. I couldn't move, even if I wanted to. The truth finally sank in and slapped me square on the face that I could no longer ignore it. This was no game. This was real life. I could no longer act as if this was all staged for my amusement… to fill the empty void created by my self-pity. I could no longer pretend…

 

I was unfaithful.

 

Itachi noticed my distress and slowed his movements to a stop but still buried deep inside me.

 

“What's wrong?” he asked.

 

I couldn't find the words to say what I felt. Meeting Itachi was the best thing that happened to me. But the fact was… I was married… and as if things weren't bad enough… I was married to his brother.

 

“Itachi… I…I can't do this anymore.” I cried softly, tears falling from the corners of my eyes. “I am married…”

 

It tore me apart to say those words for I would like nothing better than to be with him. The painful tug of my heart told me that I should withdraw what I had just said but the logical part of me won't let me do it. I was married to Sasuke, I could pretend as long as I want, but the facts would never change. It was better to end the charade before I loose the rest of my sanity.

 

He just stared at me as if I had gone insane and I honestly wish that he would just kill me right there. It was easier than seeing the pained look on his face.

 

Neither one of us moved or said anything for a long tense moment, both conscious of the difficulty of formulating words to say. We were still joined together but I could feel nothing, only the chilly ice-ness of his eyes on me. The look he was giving me was so intense it could make a hundred warriors fall down on their knees. I held my breath in anticipation of what would happen next.

 

“Sakura…” he spoke at last. “There are many ways to break a bond.”

 

He said it, void of any emotion and feeling, merely stating a fact. He was back to being the cold, heartless killer everyone knew… and it petrified me all the way to the bones.

 

“What… what are you saying?!” I said, unable to believe that he was actually telling me this. “Itachi, you can't possibly mean… that?”

 

“Why not? I've done it before… I'm sure you can do it too.” He said monotonously, his icy breath sent shivers down my spine.

 

Could I? Am I really capable of doing exactly what he did years ago?

 

I mentally slapped my self back to reality. I wanted scream and run away from him. He was polluting me with his dark thoughts and wicked words and I was actually listening to it. I was dishonored… but I would never stoop down to cold blooded murder. Even though I loathe Sasuke, I certainly don't want him dead, at least not on my account. My conscience would never let me rest if that happens.

 

I pushed against his shoulder insistently, wanting to get away from him but he grabbed my hands and pinned them against the ground and held me immobile.

 

“I can't, Itachi! Please… let me go!” I pleaded through the tears that fell from my eyes. I began to kick my legs and jerk my way out but he was heavy and his member was still buried in me. He pushed me down with his weight and silenced any protest my body would have done.

 

“Then I will do it for you…” his eyes were gleamed with a menace, promising that he will accomplish what he just said.

 

“No, you can't! Itachi… please!”

 

“Why do you want to protect him? Do you still love that foolish brother of mine?”

 

“No, Itachi. You don't understand…”

 

“Then make me understand, Sakura. Make me!”

 

His grip around my wrists tightened to a painful hold. I could tell that he was angry but…

 

“It's hard enough for me… don't make it worse. Itachi, please… I can't do it… It's not that simple!”

 

He let go of my hands and caringly wrapped his arms all around my body and pulled me closer to his. He brought his head at the side of mine and whispered through my ear. “I want you, Sakura… I want you for myself. He does not deserve you.”

 

I had never been wanted like this in my life. He made feel like a woman, that I was not worthless after all. My hands instinctively went to his head and cradled it against my shoulder. His admission only made matters worse for it only destroyed my sense of judgment even more. I wanted him as well. Had circumstances been different, I would have gone with him in a heartbeat.

 

But life was cruel to me, taunting me with things I cannot have. As if I have not suffered enough, it had to tear me apart inside and out. I cried earnestly against his shoulder. I wanted to be with him as well but…

 

“I can't, Itachi… I just can't” I held onto him with all my strength, knowing it would probably be our last moment together.

 

He held onto me tighter.

 

“Please let me go…” It was only half meant but if I was to leave there with my sanity intact, then I had to make my decision and stand by it.

 

His body stiffened and squeezed me so tight that I was afraid I was going to faint. I struggled to free myself out of instinct but he was too strong for me. I kicked my legs in sincere urgency to be released but he was heavy and unyielding. I was trapped beneath him and could only hope that he show pity upon me.

 

I saw his eyes flicker red with anger for a short moment before he gave a loud sigh and took his weight off me, supporting it with elbows on both sides of my head. I was still underneath him but at least he was considerate enough and gave me space to breathe.

 

“You can choose to leave if you want to, I will not stop you…” he said calmly “…if you leave now, you will never see me again.”

 

My heart pounded in my chest and blood pooled to my brain. He was giving me a choice…a way to escape…

 

I could leave all this behind and forget this ever happened. I could wake up tomorrow as if nothing took place the night before. I could have my honor back and not feel ashamed about my betrayal. I could pretend that what happened between us was just a dream best left forgotten. No one would suspect me of disloyalty. No one would ever know.

 

But I will never see him again.

 

Could I really give him up that easily? Could I really turn my back on him… the only man who made me feel like I was worth something? Would it be that easy to forget everything we shared?

 

I was torn apart. The feeling was worse than what I felt when I saw the ring and realized my betrayal, because this… this was my choice… to leave or to stay. I was a woman trapped in the middle of a rotting bridge with no other options but to go back or to move forward.

 

When I look back, I see Sasuke and my unhappy marriage that I have to live with for the rest of my life… but my honor and my soul will still be intact. When I glance ahead, I see Itachi promising a life full of passion heated with desire, but it is a life clouded in sin with consequences that I have to bear with.

 

I was burdened with so many questions in my head analyzing every possible outcome of my decision. When I managed to answer one, two others appeared and left me with more uncertainties than I first had. And even when I answered them all, I came no closer to a conclusion… because the heaviest question of all was something that only time can tell.

 

Is it worth it?

 

I looked at him, waiting patiently for my answer. His manhood was rigid inside me it was almost painful. I felt the hard throb of his pulse beating against my walls, a testimony of his desire for me but his face revealed nothing. I wondered for a moment if he was really willing to let me leave unscathed.

 

“I made my choice.” I said in a whisper…

 

…

 

I pulled him in for a kiss and could only hope that this was the right one.

 

I felt him smirk triumphantly against my mouth but I chose to ignore it. Nothing mattered to me anymore except him and out heated passion for each other. I closed my eyes in total surrender. He started to move in me again. A strong arm wrapped around my waist while an arm dug underneath me and grasped my shoulder, holding me in place as his rough thrusting ravaged my body unrelentingly. My walls began to constrict around his manhood that I could almost feel every ridge of it as it penetrated my core again and again, each push earning a breathy moan from my lips.

 

I clenched my thighs against his hips and screamed incomprehensible words when I felt him hit that sensitive part of me. His almost violent thrusts invaded my body with such excruciating tension that I honestly felt like I was dying in a bed of sweet roses. I squirmed under him, trying to get as much contact as I could and I clenched my fingers against the cloak beneath me too prevent myself from loosing my mind. He pulled out and roughly slid back in, sending jolts of electricity to every part of my body. He slammed his hips against me with the full weight of his body in his aggressive search for his own fulfillment.

 

I looked at him with eyes clouded in desire and saw his dark onyx ones turn to bloody reds, preparing to draw me into his world of red clouds against black skies and stretch our moment of pleasure dangerously close to the edge of sheer insanity.

 

“Don't” I muttered amidst the panting of my breath. “I want this to be real.”

 

He blinked once and his eyes returned to normal blacks.

 

He pummeled me with his intense need and I fell to pieces under the strain of unreleased pressure between my legs. I tried to cry out for dear life but his lips were on mine and my screams were drowned against his mouth as it assaulted me. I clawed and scratched at his back when my body convulsed uncontrollably, feeling the sensation only he could give. His arms around me tightened to a painful hold and his movements grew desperate, so close to the verge of carnal thirst for gratification.

 

“Say my name, Sakura.” he thrust in me harder.

 

“Itachi…” I mumbled, my mind lost in pleasure.

 

“Louder, Sakura. Say it louder!”

 

“Itachi!”

 

“Scream my name, dammit!”

 

“ITACHI!”

 

I arched my back in response to the toe curling sensations that ripped though my body as the peak of my arousal finally came crashing down on me with a load a hundred times better than what his tsukiyami could have done. Tremors ran throughout me from head to toe and I yielded to the contractions that wrecked through my lower body. I screamed his name shamelessly as wave upon blazing wave of fiery pleasure swept across my body that I felt like I have died and gone to heaven.

 

He still came on me, with a desire so raw I couldn't tell where he ended and I began. I clenched my muscles tighter and his prided self control was lost as he pierced through me harder than ever before and spilled his warmth inside me with a deep growl escaping from his throat. He lowered his shaking body on top of mine and I cradled him against my chest as we tremble in the aftershocks of our scorching lust.

 

“Run to me…” he barely whispered against my flushed skin.

 

His statement did not make sense in my pleasure muddled mind so I took it for what it probably was… random mumblings in the aftermath of passion.

 

He rolled to his back and brought me with him, my head resting on his chest. I listened to the hard beating of his heart and smiled to myself.

 

He is human after all.

 

I wrapped my arms around his torso and pressed myself closer to him. His hand played with my hair while the other tugged at the edge of the cloak under us and covered our tired forms against the cold breeze. Fully satiated in every aspect, we enjoyed each others warmth as we waited for our bodies to recover from the strain they had undergone. I prayed to god that time would stop and let me relish the moment longer.

 

But time stops for no one, least of all for me.

 

“I love you, Itachi.” I whispered softly.

 

I knew I was taking a risk, leaping over a gaping ravine without knowing if I could make it to the other end.

 

But I leapt anyway.

 

He did not answer and I really did not expect him to. I simply wanted him to know how I felt. I have experienced enough pain to learn that failed expectations were the worst possible torture anyone could submit themselves into and I was not about to make the same mistake twice.

 

He may not love me back, but at least I was prepared for it this time.

 

“We have to go.” he said after a few minutes passed between us.

 

I pried my body from him and stood up on feeble knees looked for my clothing. We dressed in silence. I turned my back on him and he pulled the zipper of my dress up. His hands rested on my hips and pulled me close against his chest.

 

“Will I see you again?”

 

I gave a cheerless smile. Like a little game we play, it was always the same parting words he gave me and I was expected to answer same as always… `I don't know.'

 

…

 

But not tonight. I was done playing games.

 

“No, Itachi. This is our last night together. I cannot pretend anymore. It's over.” I said in a quivering voice, barely a whisper.

 

I made my choice.

 

Standing in the middle of the rotting bridge, I refused to go back or to move forward. Instead, I cut the ropes which held the bridge together and let myself fall into the deadly abyss.

 

I would return to my home with Sasuke and though he could have my body, Itachi would always have my heart. I will cherish the moments he and I shared and would hold on to them for as long as I lived.

 

I would never forget him.

 

It would be painful and it would be difficult, but I was prepared for it. I have gone through hell and survived. I could endure anything.

 

The hands on my hips tightened and pressed me against his chest harshly. I could feel the angry glare he was giving me from behind but I stayed my ground. I would not sway.

 

His hand parted my cherry hair to one side and pressed his lips on the scarlet mark on my neck that he inflicted earlier.

 

“I will see you again.” he said.

 

It was a statement, not a question. His voice held so much confidence and assurance, as if he knew something I don't. For a short moment, I wondered what it was that gave him such certainty but before I could turn around and confront him, he was gone and left me cold and alone in the dark.

 

I stared at the lake for a short while and savored the moment of serenity it gave me. I would never stand in this place again and wait for Itachi, because although my heart yearns for him, I already belonged to someone else.

 

I belonged to Sasuke.

 

I thought about my husband as I made my way back to the wretchedness that was my life. I found it ironic that I received more warmth in the embrace of a cold blooded murderer than I ever had beneath Sasuke's body. It seemed bizarre that I felt more emotions course through me in the short moment I spent with Itachi than all the days I had with his brother combined. It was strange to learn that the affection that I have been yearning for was given to me by the other Uchiha.

 

I found all of it so peculiar that it made me laugh inside… and I laughed so hard that it made me cry.

 

I cried.

 

I found myself standing on the doorstep of my apartment. I could already sense the depressing quality of my home seeping though the door and my heart dropped down to the floor. I was back where I started, but I was no longer the same Sakura that went through this door earlier. My hand latched on the doorknob and I turned it slowly.

 

I caught a glimmer of gold shine against the light. I looked at the ring on my hand and I felt… nothing, none of the guilt and indignity I felt earlier, none of the remorse and shame that besieged my conscience.

 

Nothing.

 

I wondered if maybe Itachi did manage to set me free after all.

 

Or perhaps…

 

I had become damned as well.

 

He was Sasuke's brother, family and enemy… but that meant nothing to me.

 

To me, he was my lover… if only for a short while.

 

In his embrace, I finally learned what it truly felt like… a passion so strong it overcame my inhibitions.

 

And I could finally say without a doubt…

 

Love is definitely thicker than blood.