Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man: All About Eva ❯ Chapter 6
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Lord_Raa 
Anime/Manga: Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Comedy / Adventure / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.15.2004 | Pages: 5 | Words: 3.6K | Visits: 1.6K | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Comedy / Adventure / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.15.2004 | Pages: 5 | Words: 3.6K | Visits: 1.6K | Status: Completed
The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man
All About Eva
By Lord Raa
Chapter 6 (Have you really allowed this rubbish to continue for this long?)
**********
You remember what crap I wrote about this “story” not being suitable for kids, don’t you?
Good.
In tribute to Lord The Night Knight’s pioneering work, I ask you this: who would win in a fight – the boy off the front of the Haribo packets or the Milkybar Kid?
**********
Fuyutsuki was talking with his former student about a common discussion point in the Nerv commander’s private office, Instrumentality.
“Gendo, do you have any idea what Seele is up to? Their interference with Shinji is most puzzling.”
“I was not overly concerned with the plans of that collection of fossils, sensei.”
Fuyutsuki noted something about the elder Ikari’s speech. “You used the passed tense, Gendo. What’s happened?”
“Seele’s security section seems to have had a serious breach recently.” Gendo looked at a report on his desk, then at his second in command. “It looks like we may have to adjust the timetable.”
Fuyutsuki frowned, “the scrolls dictated a precise schedule of events. We may be in danger.”
**********
In a hotel in Tokyo-2, Ritsuko cursed silently. She was not happy; her plans to enjoy Shinji were going down the tubes. She turned to the others. “I wasn’t planning on sharing a room with Shinji; I was only going to show him to his room.”
Misato was a little sceptical of the blonde’s response. “Don’t lie to me, Ritsuko. I know what you have planned, you slut.”
Ritsuko snorted. “That’s rich coming from you, Kantan Katsuragi!”(1)
Misato stepped towards the panicking Shinji, hoping to rescue the poor boy from the dirty old woman. That she had dirty thoughts about how he could repay the favour was completely immaterial.
Ritsuko saw the challenge from her college friend and held Unit 01’s pilot tightly to her breast, almost giving the statement “Shinji is mine, not yours and I will make him a man.”
Haruko’s cameraman, Kiichi Tomino offered a solution for the bickering ladies. “It looks like Shinji was a last minute addition to your plans. Perhaps we could arrange for a room for Pilot Ikari?”
“What’s in it for you?” Misato asked, knowing that there would be a catch.
Haruko saw where this was going. “This interview, could we make an exclusive with four members of Nerv?”
Rei decided that it would allow for a chance to get Shinji away from the “old hags”. “Yes, I think that it would be acceptable, if you allow for security considerations.”
In Rei’s opinion, said security considerations were not limited to Nerv secrets; they included someone (i.e. her) keeping watch over Shinji while he slept. And what would provide a better chance to protect Shinji while he slept than to share his bed?
Haruko nodded and lead them to a room on the fourth floor that they had booked for interviews. “This way please.”
**********
After the interview with Shinji, Haruko was beginning to get a feel for why the pilot’s Nerv co-workers were so enamoured with him. ‘He’s been through a lot yet he’s so kind to others.’
Noting that Shinji had gotten up and started to stretch, more thoughts entered her head. ‘Plus he just exudes sexual magnetism.’ Haruko’s eyes widened at that thought. ‘Oh, god I’m thinking of a FOURTEEN year old boy as a sex object. Do I need a boyfriend that badly?’
Looking at her watch, Miss Tanaka announced that it was time for the press conference and ushered everybody into the elevator.
As Rei and Misato flanked Shinji, Ritsuko felt left out. ‘Perhaps I can get Maya to help me get Shinji a locked room? But that might freak Shinji out. Maybe if I …’
The Nerv party’s subtle groping of Shinji was interrupted by a major earthquake, causing the elevator to shudder violently and stop its upward motion.
“Is everybody all right?” Tomino asked.
To his surprise, the other occupants of the lift were hugging Shinji in the belief that he would make everything better.
“Oro?” was all the pilot of Unit 01 could manage from behind the barricade of females.
Before the cameraman could comment on the scene in the lift, an aftershock reverberated around the potential metal coffin.
“Shinji, I’m scared!” Misato sobbed into his shoulder.
“I know, Misato-san,” Shinji tried his best to comfort his room-mate. “We need to get out of the building.”
During Shinji’s actions to free them from the confined space, the single reporter found herself helping the pilot’s way through the small service duct by applying pressure to his buttocks.
Well, she would have, had Ritsuko not beaten her to it.
**********
Because Haruko and Kiichi were on the scene with their broadcast equipment, they managed to conduct an on the scene report on the aftermath of the earthquake.
“Kazuki, I’m here with one of the Nerv pilots, Shinji Ikari.”
Shinji looked embarrassed at the attention he was receiving from the attractive news reporter.
“It’s thanks to Ikari-kun here that I’m able to report on this tragedy. He managed to evacuate my cameraman and myself from the hotel.”
*Ikari-kun, I would like to thank you for your actions,* Kazuki Yotsuga spoke with audible gratitude in his voice.
“I didn’t do anything especially brave, sir. I only did what I thought was the right thing to do.”
“I disagree, Ikari-kun,” Haruko insisted. “I saw the gap you crawled through to open the door to the elevator. That would have been uncomfortable for anybody.”
Ritsuko had had enough of the raven haired woman’s flirting with Shinji. “Excuse, Miss Tanaka, but we need to get back to Nerv headquarters. I need to check some Nerv equipment for damage.” ‘Namely Shinji,’ she added silently.
Shinji bid his farewell to the news crew just before the blonde dragged him away.
**********
On the way back, Shinji found himself travelling alone in Ritsuko’s car.
“How are the Rei and Misato going to get home?” the puzzled boy asked.
Ritsuko sighed. ‘He should stop caring about those other floozies and concentrate on pleasuring me,’ the blonde thought.
“Rei will probably call your father and arrange a ride back to Nerv headquarters. No doubt Misato will hitch a ride then.”
“Father seems to like Rei, doesn’t he?” Shinji asked sadly. “I think he likes her more than me.”
Ritsuko’s cool scientific exterior melted at the melancholy in Shinji’s voice. “Not everyone prefers Rei to you, Shinji-kun. In fact, I think you’re great,” she answered honestly. She didn’t add that she thought that his greatness was best demonstrated by him being naked and tied down spread-eagled on her bed.
Oh, one mustn’t forget the chocolate syrup coating. Forgetting that would just be a huge faux pas in Dr Akagi’s sex games.
Shinji’s face brightened at Ritsuko’s kind words. ‘I’ve finally found a place where I can be happy.’ “Thanks, Ritsuko-san.”
“My pleasure, Shinji-kun.” Ritsuko started to drool as thoughts of pleasure and Shinji at the same time entered her head.
**********
When Ritsuko arrived at Nerv headquarters, she ushered Shinji to the infirmary for a physical. Noticing that Shinji was somewhat reluctant to participate, she did her best to assure him that what happened that one time was an aberration.
“To make sure that nothing untoward happens, Shinji-kun I can bring in Maya to act as a witness.”
Shinji was not quite sure how to feel at this point. On one hand, Maya would stop Ritsuko doing anything perverted, but on the other, there would be two women in the room watching him and that played havoc with his self-esteem.
Taking his silence as a request for a witness, Dr Akagi called Maya.
**********
After a thorough, yet thoroughly improper, examination, it looked like Shinji was not going to be allowed to return home soon.
Shinji’s mobile phone rang, distracting the two lovely Nerv ladies.
“Hello?”
*Are you in danger, Shinji-kun?*
“Rei?”
*Are you in danger, Shinji-kun?* Rei repeated her question.
“No,” Shinji replied. “Where are you and Misato, Rei?”
*Captain Katsuragi and I are en-route to Nerv headquarters.*
“Will you be back in time for dinner?”
Misato took the phone from the blue haired girl. *That depends on whether or not you get your cute ass in gear, Shin-chan.*
Shinji gladly took this opportunity to escape as moments earlier Ritsuko asked him to play doctor and perform “TUBEs” on her and Maya. (2)
Apologising to all the Nerv employees, Shinji left to prepare dinner for his roommates.
**********
Dinner was a strange affair. This was becoming a recurring theme with Shinji’s life.
Shinji sighed as he took stock of his situation. First, his father called him out of the blue and demanded to see him for the first time in three years. Secondly, he told him that was because he wanted to use him to pilot an experimental death machine against a powerful unknown enemy, NOT because he wanted his company. And thirdly, he had started to attract female attention. LOTS of female attention.
Rei was enjoying her hobby, Shinji watching, when the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it,” Shinji said. He hadn’t noticed that the pale-skinned girl’s close observation of him was beginning to annoy Misato.
“Greetings, Ikari!” Touji and Kensuke announced their arrival.
“Hey guys, what can I do for you?” Shinji asked his classmates.
“We’re here to visit our hero friend,” Kensuke answered cheerfully.
Touji was less subtle. He wasn’t exactly openly leering at Misato, but not using his peripheral vision to enjoy the sight of the captain like his bespectacled friend.
“Yeah, and we thought that Misato would like some company, too.”
Misato rolled her eyes as she heard the idiot duo’s comments. “Damn perverts,” she grumbled.
“Yes, I recall that those two cause trouble at school,” Rei agreed. ‘Perhaps I can use them to remove Captain Katsuragi from the running…’
Shinji invited his school friends in and they gladly accepted the chance to be near the babe that was Misato Katsuragi.
Touji and Kensuke were somewhat disheartened when Misato sat on the end seat of the couch and pulled Shinji onto her lap.
Throwing her arms around the pilot, Misato smiled as she inhaled his scent.
Rei started twitching again. ‘Captain Katsuragi’s behaviour is most improper. I must act to save Shinji-kun from her immoral actions.’
Shinji’s squirming caused his hand to brush up against Misato’s chest. He froze when he felt something he wasn’t expecting.
The reactions of the others varied. The Idiot Duo nearly had nosebleeds as they saw the thin fabric of the captain’s shirt get pulled tight against her full bosom. Rei nearly ran over to the seated couple and tore Shinji from the purple-haired harlot’s grasp. Misato smiled, for in her opinion, Shinji was showing his true feelings for her.
“M-misato-san?”
“Yes, Shin-chan?” came a smiling reply.
“What was that hard patch under your shirt?” Shinji’s question came out a mixture of concern and embarrassment.
Realising that Shinji needed lessons in female anatomy, Misato replied to his query. “Well, Shin-chan, when a woman is sexually aroused, her nipples become hard.”
Blushing something shocking, Shinji explained what he meant. “Not that, it’s a bit lower.”
“Oh, you mean this?” Misato lifted her shirt. When this showed a fair amount of her womanly flesh, Kensuke and his partner in crime did finally succumb to blood loss.
Shinji winced at the scar. “You were hurt?”
“Yes,” Misato replied sadly.
Shinji was worried about his friend. He had seen evidence to suggest that she had suffered a lot in her life. “W-when?”
“You’re looking at the only living witness to the Second Impact.” The topic of conversation was making her feel the need for alcohol.
Not knowing what else to do, Shinji hugged Misato tightly. “I’m sorry for bringing up painful memories, Misato-san. If there’s anything I can do for you…”
Misato nodded. She was glad to have someone just be there for her. She made a mental note to call in that marker later.
Rei mistook Misato’s nod as something else. It looked like a perverted old maid rubbing her face in the chest of an innocent and trusting young man. Deciding to make sure that the Nerv tactical officer didn’t go too far (at least without her supervision), Rei walked up to Shinji and embraced him from behind.
“Damn Shinji! You have all the luck,” Kensuke groused loudly.
“Yeah, Ikari. Stop mocking us!” Touji raged at his friend.
Rei turned her head to the hormone saturated stooges. “Shinji-kun is needed for a special Nerv training mission. Please leave before I am forced to have you arrested by Nerv security.”
Kensuke gulped nervously. “I-I see. Well, Touji and I have to get going.”
Touji was confused. “Wha? We do?”
“Yes,” Rei replied dangerously, “you must.”
“What kind of training?” Kensuke asked the crimson-eyed girl.
“That is classified, Aida-kun,” Rei replied with what the military otaku identified as a lecherous grin. Well he and Touji had worn them often enough.
Touji’s less than stellar mental abilities managed to two and two together and come up with the correct answer. Of course, the way that Rei was stroking both Shinji _and_ Misato was a hint.
“Damn you, Ikari!”
Misato was losing patience with the stooges. “Go away boys, play time is over. Shinji has homework to do,” she dismissed the perverts as she stood to properly show affection to Shinji.
Shinji was puzzled. “I have?”
“Yes, Shinji-kun, you do. I believe that Captain Katsuragi’s experience will be of benefit to us.”
Kensuke’s eyebrow started to twitch. “Damn you, Ikari,” he grumbled.
“Gettin’ some from a fine babe like Miss Misato,” added Touji.
Shinji looked at the two sets of roaming hands that were doing laps around his body and whimpered.
Rei kissed Shinji on the cheek. “Captain Katsuragi is correct, Shinji-kun, you do have a pleasant taste. I am not surprised, considering your pleasant smell.”
Shinji started to experience sensory overload and fainted, rubbing against the bodies of the two ladies that created the Shinji sandwich.
Touji, being the hormonally charged idiot that he was, stepped up the women and offered his services for the evening.
Misato gave the tracksuit clad male a death glare that said “get away from me, you freak”.
“Leave before I administer you a urethral wash with chilli sauce,” Rei threatened.
Touji was confused by the medical term. “Urethral?”
“The urethra is the tube in mammals that carries urine from the bladder out of the body and in the male also carries semen during ejaculation,” informed Rei.
Kensuke protectively covered his crotch. “Touji, let’s go.”
Suzuhara nodded, turned and left with his friend, grumbling all the way.
After they left, Misato helped a newly conscious Shinji to his feet.
“Now Shin-chan, you really must stop fainting like that,” Misato chided. “I’m starting to get worried about your health.”
“I’m sorry, Misato-san. It’s that I lead a stressful life now,” Shinji explained.
Misato made the decision just how to assist Shinji.
“I just the thing to help you Shinji,” Misato pulled the pilot into her room.
“What are you planning, Captain?” Rei asked.
When Misato informed her, Rei nodded in approval. “Yes, touching Shinji-kun’s body does sound like a good idea, Captain Katsuragi.”
“Good. Now come along, Rei. I thought you wanted training,” Misato teased.
Shinji didn’t know just how he managed to find himself in this situation, but he knew that someone, somewhere, was pulling strings.
**********
The morning sun filtered through Misato's curtains, allowing Shinji to awaken in the late morning.
"Bah, too much light," he mumbled.
Trying to roll over to stop the sun shining in his eyes, he noticed that something was weighing him down. His attempt to turn on his other side was met with similar resistance.
"What the bloody hell?" he asked, opening his eyes.
"Shin-chan, you were great," Misato murmured gently.
"MISATO??"
“Shinji-kun, you do not have to be concerned about last night.”
“Rei? What happened last night?” Shinji started to panic.
“We slept together, Shinji-kun,” Ayanami replied.
“W-we what?” Shinji was now panicking.
Misato ran her hand over the pilot’s chest. “We took our relationship to the next phase, Shinji. Don’t worry; you and Rei are still virgins. Assuming you were before you came home yesterday,” she finished with a smirk.
Shinji blushed, but Rei’s stroking of his thigh had something to do with that.
“I look forward to our next lesson, Captain Katsuragi. You said that the breathing techniques I use in swimming will be of assistance. What did you mean by that?”
Misato smiled mysteriously. “Let’s just say that Shin-chan learning them would also be nice.”
“I can’t swim,” sounded a quiet voice.
“What was that?” Misato asked.
“I can’t swim, Misato-san. I never learned how,” Shinji confessed.
Misato frowned. ‘That’s one more thing that could take Shinji away from me and Rei. Wait a minute, when did Rei become part of this relationship?’
“Being able to swim could save your life, Shin-chan. You will learn how to as soon as possible. Rei, you will teach Shinji,” Katsuragi ordered.
“Of course, Captain Katsuragi,” Rei accepted this order quite readily. ‘Yes, being close to Shinji-kun wearing swimming costumes sounds appealing.’
Shinji looked at Misato’s alarm clock. “Rei, we’re late for school.”
“Perhaps Captain Katsuragi will be able to drive us to school.”
“Yeah, I can do that for my Shin-chan.”
**********
To be continued…
(1) I realise that this is probably the wrong word for “easy” that I’m looking for, but the alliteration was too much for me to pass up.
(2) Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination. I wish I was making that acronym up, folks.
Thanks go out to my pre-reader, Chi Vayne, for pointing out silly mistakes I made.
If certain spellings seem a bit off, please understand that I am English.
It seems that some of you are wondering why Ranma is masquerading as Pen-pen. Well, you should have read the first arc of “The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man”.
The gist is the Ranma from “Unexpected Effect” (a parody of the “Ranma is a god” genre of fanfiction) has been recruited to save humanity in various timelines that were destined to end in some kind of disaster.
I think that the Third Impact could be considered “some kind of disaster”, don’t you?
In response to the comment from hellsfire angel2:
“neither ranma 1/2 nor Evangelion believe in magic that can control thoughts in any way shape form or fashion...”
What about the incense from the first appearance of Pantyhose Taro? The Reversal Jewel? The Love Pills? The koi rod?
Besides, people’s belief or disbelief in things doesn’t stop them from being any more or less true. (Insert favourite conspiracy theory here)
Plus this Ranma has skills that I have yet to fully document.
All About Eva
By Lord Raa
Chapter 6 (Have you really allowed this rubbish to continue for this long?)
**********
You remember what crap I wrote about this “story” not being suitable for kids, don’t you?
Good.
In tribute to Lord The Night Knight’s pioneering work, I ask you this: who would win in a fight – the boy off the front of the Haribo packets or the Milkybar Kid?
**********
Fuyutsuki was talking with his former student about a common discussion point in the Nerv commander’s private office, Instrumentality.
“Gendo, do you have any idea what Seele is up to? Their interference with Shinji is most puzzling.”
“I was not overly concerned with the plans of that collection of fossils, sensei.”
Fuyutsuki noted something about the elder Ikari’s speech. “You used the passed tense, Gendo. What’s happened?”
“Seele’s security section seems to have had a serious breach recently.” Gendo looked at a report on his desk, then at his second in command. “It looks like we may have to adjust the timetable.”
Fuyutsuki frowned, “the scrolls dictated a precise schedule of events. We may be in danger.”
**********
In a hotel in Tokyo-2, Ritsuko cursed silently. She was not happy; her plans to enjoy Shinji were going down the tubes. She turned to the others. “I wasn’t planning on sharing a room with Shinji; I was only going to show him to his room.”
Misato was a little sceptical of the blonde’s response. “Don’t lie to me, Ritsuko. I know what you have planned, you slut.”
Ritsuko snorted. “That’s rich coming from you, Kantan Katsuragi!”(1)
Misato stepped towards the panicking Shinji, hoping to rescue the poor boy from the dirty old woman. That she had dirty thoughts about how he could repay the favour was completely immaterial.
Ritsuko saw the challenge from her college friend and held Unit 01’s pilot tightly to her breast, almost giving the statement “Shinji is mine, not yours and I will make him a man.”
Haruko’s cameraman, Kiichi Tomino offered a solution for the bickering ladies. “It looks like Shinji was a last minute addition to your plans. Perhaps we could arrange for a room for Pilot Ikari?”
“What’s in it for you?” Misato asked, knowing that there would be a catch.
Haruko saw where this was going. “This interview, could we make an exclusive with four members of Nerv?”
Rei decided that it would allow for a chance to get Shinji away from the “old hags”. “Yes, I think that it would be acceptable, if you allow for security considerations.”
In Rei’s opinion, said security considerations were not limited to Nerv secrets; they included someone (i.e. her) keeping watch over Shinji while he slept. And what would provide a better chance to protect Shinji while he slept than to share his bed?
Haruko nodded and lead them to a room on the fourth floor that they had booked for interviews. “This way please.”
**********
After the interview with Shinji, Haruko was beginning to get a feel for why the pilot’s Nerv co-workers were so enamoured with him. ‘He’s been through a lot yet he’s so kind to others.’
Noting that Shinji had gotten up and started to stretch, more thoughts entered her head. ‘Plus he just exudes sexual magnetism.’ Haruko’s eyes widened at that thought. ‘Oh, god I’m thinking of a FOURTEEN year old boy as a sex object. Do I need a boyfriend that badly?’
Looking at her watch, Miss Tanaka announced that it was time for the press conference and ushered everybody into the elevator.
As Rei and Misato flanked Shinji, Ritsuko felt left out. ‘Perhaps I can get Maya to help me get Shinji a locked room? But that might freak Shinji out. Maybe if I …’
The Nerv party’s subtle groping of Shinji was interrupted by a major earthquake, causing the elevator to shudder violently and stop its upward motion.
“Is everybody all right?” Tomino asked.
To his surprise, the other occupants of the lift were hugging Shinji in the belief that he would make everything better.
“Oro?” was all the pilot of Unit 01 could manage from behind the barricade of females.
Before the cameraman could comment on the scene in the lift, an aftershock reverberated around the potential metal coffin.
“Shinji, I’m scared!” Misato sobbed into his shoulder.
“I know, Misato-san,” Shinji tried his best to comfort his room-mate. “We need to get out of the building.”
During Shinji’s actions to free them from the confined space, the single reporter found herself helping the pilot’s way through the small service duct by applying pressure to his buttocks.
Well, she would have, had Ritsuko not beaten her to it.
**********
Because Haruko and Kiichi were on the scene with their broadcast equipment, they managed to conduct an on the scene report on the aftermath of the earthquake.
“Kazuki, I’m here with one of the Nerv pilots, Shinji Ikari.”
Shinji looked embarrassed at the attention he was receiving from the attractive news reporter.
“It’s thanks to Ikari-kun here that I’m able to report on this tragedy. He managed to evacuate my cameraman and myself from the hotel.”
*Ikari-kun, I would like to thank you for your actions,* Kazuki Yotsuga spoke with audible gratitude in his voice.
“I didn’t do anything especially brave, sir. I only did what I thought was the right thing to do.”
“I disagree, Ikari-kun,” Haruko insisted. “I saw the gap you crawled through to open the door to the elevator. That would have been uncomfortable for anybody.”
Ritsuko had had enough of the raven haired woman’s flirting with Shinji. “Excuse, Miss Tanaka, but we need to get back to Nerv headquarters. I need to check some Nerv equipment for damage.” ‘Namely Shinji,’ she added silently.
Shinji bid his farewell to the news crew just before the blonde dragged him away.
**********
On the way back, Shinji found himself travelling alone in Ritsuko’s car.
“How are the Rei and Misato going to get home?” the puzzled boy asked.
Ritsuko sighed. ‘He should stop caring about those other floozies and concentrate on pleasuring me,’ the blonde thought.
“Rei will probably call your father and arrange a ride back to Nerv headquarters. No doubt Misato will hitch a ride then.”
“Father seems to like Rei, doesn’t he?” Shinji asked sadly. “I think he likes her more than me.”
Ritsuko’s cool scientific exterior melted at the melancholy in Shinji’s voice. “Not everyone prefers Rei to you, Shinji-kun. In fact, I think you’re great,” she answered honestly. She didn’t add that she thought that his greatness was best demonstrated by him being naked and tied down spread-eagled on her bed.
Oh, one mustn’t forget the chocolate syrup coating. Forgetting that would just be a huge faux pas in Dr Akagi’s sex games.
Shinji’s face brightened at Ritsuko’s kind words. ‘I’ve finally found a place where I can be happy.’ “Thanks, Ritsuko-san.”
“My pleasure, Shinji-kun.” Ritsuko started to drool as thoughts of pleasure and Shinji at the same time entered her head.
**********
When Ritsuko arrived at Nerv headquarters, she ushered Shinji to the infirmary for a physical. Noticing that Shinji was somewhat reluctant to participate, she did her best to assure him that what happened that one time was an aberration.
“To make sure that nothing untoward happens, Shinji-kun I can bring in Maya to act as a witness.”
Shinji was not quite sure how to feel at this point. On one hand, Maya would stop Ritsuko doing anything perverted, but on the other, there would be two women in the room watching him and that played havoc with his self-esteem.
Taking his silence as a request for a witness, Dr Akagi called Maya.
**********
After a thorough, yet thoroughly improper, examination, it looked like Shinji was not going to be allowed to return home soon.
Shinji’s mobile phone rang, distracting the two lovely Nerv ladies.
“Hello?”
*Are you in danger, Shinji-kun?*
“Rei?”
*Are you in danger, Shinji-kun?* Rei repeated her question.
“No,” Shinji replied. “Where are you and Misato, Rei?”
*Captain Katsuragi and I are en-route to Nerv headquarters.*
“Will you be back in time for dinner?”
Misato took the phone from the blue haired girl. *That depends on whether or not you get your cute ass in gear, Shin-chan.*
Shinji gladly took this opportunity to escape as moments earlier Ritsuko asked him to play doctor and perform “TUBEs” on her and Maya. (2)
Apologising to all the Nerv employees, Shinji left to prepare dinner for his roommates.
**********
Dinner was a strange affair. This was becoming a recurring theme with Shinji’s life.
Shinji sighed as he took stock of his situation. First, his father called him out of the blue and demanded to see him for the first time in three years. Secondly, he told him that was because he wanted to use him to pilot an experimental death machine against a powerful unknown enemy, NOT because he wanted his company. And thirdly, he had started to attract female attention. LOTS of female attention.
Rei was enjoying her hobby, Shinji watching, when the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it,” Shinji said. He hadn’t noticed that the pale-skinned girl’s close observation of him was beginning to annoy Misato.
“Greetings, Ikari!” Touji and Kensuke announced their arrival.
“Hey guys, what can I do for you?” Shinji asked his classmates.
“We’re here to visit our hero friend,” Kensuke answered cheerfully.
Touji was less subtle. He wasn’t exactly openly leering at Misato, but not using his peripheral vision to enjoy the sight of the captain like his bespectacled friend.
“Yeah, and we thought that Misato would like some company, too.”
Misato rolled her eyes as she heard the idiot duo’s comments. “Damn perverts,” she grumbled.
“Yes, I recall that those two cause trouble at school,” Rei agreed. ‘Perhaps I can use them to remove Captain Katsuragi from the running…’
Shinji invited his school friends in and they gladly accepted the chance to be near the babe that was Misato Katsuragi.
Touji and Kensuke were somewhat disheartened when Misato sat on the end seat of the couch and pulled Shinji onto her lap.
Throwing her arms around the pilot, Misato smiled as she inhaled his scent.
Rei started twitching again. ‘Captain Katsuragi’s behaviour is most improper. I must act to save Shinji-kun from her immoral actions.’
Shinji’s squirming caused his hand to brush up against Misato’s chest. He froze when he felt something he wasn’t expecting.
The reactions of the others varied. The Idiot Duo nearly had nosebleeds as they saw the thin fabric of the captain’s shirt get pulled tight against her full bosom. Rei nearly ran over to the seated couple and tore Shinji from the purple-haired harlot’s grasp. Misato smiled, for in her opinion, Shinji was showing his true feelings for her.
“M-misato-san?”
“Yes, Shin-chan?” came a smiling reply.
“What was that hard patch under your shirt?” Shinji’s question came out a mixture of concern and embarrassment.
Realising that Shinji needed lessons in female anatomy, Misato replied to his query. “Well, Shin-chan, when a woman is sexually aroused, her nipples become hard.”
Blushing something shocking, Shinji explained what he meant. “Not that, it’s a bit lower.”
“Oh, you mean this?” Misato lifted her shirt. When this showed a fair amount of her womanly flesh, Kensuke and his partner in crime did finally succumb to blood loss.
Shinji winced at the scar. “You were hurt?”
“Yes,” Misato replied sadly.
Shinji was worried about his friend. He had seen evidence to suggest that she had suffered a lot in her life. “W-when?”
“You’re looking at the only living witness to the Second Impact.” The topic of conversation was making her feel the need for alcohol.
Not knowing what else to do, Shinji hugged Misato tightly. “I’m sorry for bringing up painful memories, Misato-san. If there’s anything I can do for you…”
Misato nodded. She was glad to have someone just be there for her. She made a mental note to call in that marker later.
Rei mistook Misato’s nod as something else. It looked like a perverted old maid rubbing her face in the chest of an innocent and trusting young man. Deciding to make sure that the Nerv tactical officer didn’t go too far (at least without her supervision), Rei walked up to Shinji and embraced him from behind.
“Damn Shinji! You have all the luck,” Kensuke groused loudly.
“Yeah, Ikari. Stop mocking us!” Touji raged at his friend.
Rei turned her head to the hormone saturated stooges. “Shinji-kun is needed for a special Nerv training mission. Please leave before I am forced to have you arrested by Nerv security.”
Kensuke gulped nervously. “I-I see. Well, Touji and I have to get going.”
Touji was confused. “Wha? We do?”
“Yes,” Rei replied dangerously, “you must.”
“What kind of training?” Kensuke asked the crimson-eyed girl.
“That is classified, Aida-kun,” Rei replied with what the military otaku identified as a lecherous grin. Well he and Touji had worn them often enough.
Touji’s less than stellar mental abilities managed to two and two together and come up with the correct answer. Of course, the way that Rei was stroking both Shinji _and_ Misato was a hint.
“Damn you, Ikari!”
Misato was losing patience with the stooges. “Go away boys, play time is over. Shinji has homework to do,” she dismissed the perverts as she stood to properly show affection to Shinji.
Shinji was puzzled. “I have?”
“Yes, Shinji-kun, you do. I believe that Captain Katsuragi’s experience will be of benefit to us.”
Kensuke’s eyebrow started to twitch. “Damn you, Ikari,” he grumbled.
“Gettin’ some from a fine babe like Miss Misato,” added Touji.
Shinji looked at the two sets of roaming hands that were doing laps around his body and whimpered.
Rei kissed Shinji on the cheek. “Captain Katsuragi is correct, Shinji-kun, you do have a pleasant taste. I am not surprised, considering your pleasant smell.”
Shinji started to experience sensory overload and fainted, rubbing against the bodies of the two ladies that created the Shinji sandwich.
Touji, being the hormonally charged idiot that he was, stepped up the women and offered his services for the evening.
Misato gave the tracksuit clad male a death glare that said “get away from me, you freak”.
“Leave before I administer you a urethral wash with chilli sauce,” Rei threatened.
Touji was confused by the medical term. “Urethral?”
“The urethra is the tube in mammals that carries urine from the bladder out of the body and in the male also carries semen during ejaculation,” informed Rei.
Kensuke protectively covered his crotch. “Touji, let’s go.”
Suzuhara nodded, turned and left with his friend, grumbling all the way.
After they left, Misato helped a newly conscious Shinji to his feet.
“Now Shin-chan, you really must stop fainting like that,” Misato chided. “I’m starting to get worried about your health.”
“I’m sorry, Misato-san. It’s that I lead a stressful life now,” Shinji explained.
Misato made the decision just how to assist Shinji.
“I just the thing to help you Shinji,” Misato pulled the pilot into her room.
“What are you planning, Captain?” Rei asked.
When Misato informed her, Rei nodded in approval. “Yes, touching Shinji-kun’s body does sound like a good idea, Captain Katsuragi.”
“Good. Now come along, Rei. I thought you wanted training,” Misato teased.
Shinji didn’t know just how he managed to find himself in this situation, but he knew that someone, somewhere, was pulling strings.
**********
The morning sun filtered through Misato's curtains, allowing Shinji to awaken in the late morning.
"Bah, too much light," he mumbled.
Trying to roll over to stop the sun shining in his eyes, he noticed that something was weighing him down. His attempt to turn on his other side was met with similar resistance.
"What the bloody hell?" he asked, opening his eyes.
"Shin-chan, you were great," Misato murmured gently.
"MISATO??"
“Shinji-kun, you do not have to be concerned about last night.”
“Rei? What happened last night?” Shinji started to panic.
“We slept together, Shinji-kun,” Ayanami replied.
“W-we what?” Shinji was now panicking.
Misato ran her hand over the pilot’s chest. “We took our relationship to the next phase, Shinji. Don’t worry; you and Rei are still virgins. Assuming you were before you came home yesterday,” she finished with a smirk.
Shinji blushed, but Rei’s stroking of his thigh had something to do with that.
“I look forward to our next lesson, Captain Katsuragi. You said that the breathing techniques I use in swimming will be of assistance. What did you mean by that?”
Misato smiled mysteriously. “Let’s just say that Shin-chan learning them would also be nice.”
“I can’t swim,” sounded a quiet voice.
“What was that?” Misato asked.
“I can’t swim, Misato-san. I never learned how,” Shinji confessed.
Misato frowned. ‘That’s one more thing that could take Shinji away from me and Rei. Wait a minute, when did Rei become part of this relationship?’
“Being able to swim could save your life, Shin-chan. You will learn how to as soon as possible. Rei, you will teach Shinji,” Katsuragi ordered.
“Of course, Captain Katsuragi,” Rei accepted this order quite readily. ‘Yes, being close to Shinji-kun wearing swimming costumes sounds appealing.’
Shinji looked at Misato’s alarm clock. “Rei, we’re late for school.”
“Perhaps Captain Katsuragi will be able to drive us to school.”
“Yeah, I can do that for my Shin-chan.”
**********
To be continued…
(1) I realise that this is probably the wrong word for “easy” that I’m looking for, but the alliteration was too much for me to pass up.
(2) Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination. I wish I was making that acronym up, folks.
Thanks go out to my pre-reader, Chi Vayne, for pointing out silly mistakes I made.
If certain spellings seem a bit off, please understand that I am English.
It seems that some of you are wondering why Ranma is masquerading as Pen-pen. Well, you should have read the first arc of “The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man”.
The gist is the Ranma from “Unexpected Effect” (a parody of the “Ranma is a god” genre of fanfiction) has been recruited to save humanity in various timelines that were destined to end in some kind of disaster.
I think that the Third Impact could be considered “some kind of disaster”, don’t you?
In response to the comment from hellsfire angel2:
“neither ranma 1/2 nor Evangelion believe in magic that can control thoughts in any way shape form or fashion...”
What about the incense from the first appearance of Pantyhose Taro? The Reversal Jewel? The Love Pills? The koi rod?
Besides, people’s belief or disbelief in things doesn’t stop them from being any more or less true. (Insert favourite conspiracy theory here)
Plus this Ranma has skills that I have yet to fully document.